Lies, Traitors and Blood Shed
by Edengwen
Summary: Clay is alone, injured and been hunted. He doesn't know who to trust or if his team is coming for him, all he needs to do is to survive. And Jason isn't happy about it.
1. A Bad Choice

Chapter One

He was in serious trouble.

This was meant to be a simple op. A simple intelligence operation to gather information on a known ex-Russian special forces soldier turned arms dealer who had a nice business selling weapons, explosives and other hardware to terrorists or anyone willing to pay his prices. Zurkoff was a man that he was really looking forward to meeting. But the man had been hard to track down, he never kept the same route twice and never met in the same place. However after getting information about him being in Turkey meeting a new buyer they couldn't pass up the opportunity. One of the main reasons why they needed to get intel on this guy was the fact that the explosives he had sold had been linked to multiple attacks all across the world, killing hundreds of innocent people.

Dealing with people like that made his skin crawl. He hated people who used bombs to kill as it was a cowards method. Place the bomb and walk away. After Manila, and been caught up in that explosion he found that he had a new hatred for bombers, bomb makers and people who sold them the materials. Every explosion made him think back to that day, he was glad that his family, his team had been able to get him justice for him.

Even with the man still alive. But he understood why; Sonny had told him everything one night. He couldn't believe Shaw had thought that he could get Bravo broken up just because of a few bad missions. Not all missions went to plan, they were human after all, not robots.

Taking a man like Zurkoff down would help him sleep a little easier because he would be getting justice for all of his victims. He knew that the team he had watching his back felt the same, even though they weren't his normal team. The op was run not by the Navy, but by the CIA and so his back up was a team of four agents and his handler and leader of the mission. Warren, his handler, had been with the agencies since before he was born and he could tell that the man cared about what they were doing.

His back up team was made up of two former delta force soldiers, Jimmy and Richie who reminded him of Sonny and Ray. Jimmy was hot-headed and quick to temper. As Richie was the oldest out of the four, he was the leader of the team which also made him think of Ray. Alex was very much like Brock, he barely said a word unless it needed to be said. And Jo was very much like Trent as he had been the medic on the team and like Alex was quiet but made his voice heard when he needed too.

And for six men to be stuck in a two-story house, made them all get to know each other. The house had been a running safe house for the agencies for a couple of years, which sat close on the market were their target's hotel sat but enough out of the way that they were hidden. On the first floor, there were two small rooms. A small kitchen with a dining room which was full of their combat gear and weapons that littered the dining table. The other room was set as their office, three laptops running codes, intel and photographs taken of their target littered the scenes. Upstairs was a small bathroom and two bedrooms. Warren had claimed one room for himself and the other five had to share. He didn't mind sharing, he was use to sharing with blokes as long as none of them snored as badly as Sonny.

However, the guys were good to him, made him feel like he had a good team watching his back. And they did, every day he was out there he knew that he had someone watching over him. But now he was alone.

On the fourth day of the op, shit had fit the fan. He kicked himself for not following his gut, four good men were dead because he didn't trust his gut. Maybe he wasn't cut out for this job anymore. He kept making mistakes and others were paying the price for it. He knew that something was wrong when he caught up with their target. The man was taking risks that he would never normally do. Zurkoff exited his hotel with a small smile on his face and happily chattered to the man on the door. Something that he never normally did then spent an hour sat in a small cafe drinking a cup of tea. Before taking a walk through the market talking to one of his men who were with him and the sellers of the small stalls.

Zurkoff never did this, in the three days they had been watching him he never left the hotel unless for a meeting or food. Now he was walking around like he didn't have a care in the world. He was too confident like he didn't care about his own safety or knew that no one would dare to attack him.

And now he knew why. His team was dead. He could still see their bodies litter the floor, they never stood a chance. He had come in later than normal after following Zurkoff to find five armed men stood around his fallen friends. However, with his quick glance, he didn't see Warren. So his handler was ever upstairs dead or missing. But that was all he could see before the guns turned on him. Luckily he had been able to escape with only one hole in him.

He had been hit as he made his way down the alley away from the safe house, luckily for him he had been able to split into the busy market place without having to fire his weapon. He knew that the first thing he needed to do was to get somewhere safe and deal with his own injury. The bullet had entered close to his right kidney, and he had a strange feeling that it had ever gone through or had nicked his kidney. He knew the danger of his kidney been hit and knew that he needed to deal with the bleeding soon.

He also needed to find a secure line to connect command to tell them that the op was blown and that now four agents lay dead in their safe house. But he had no idea how he was going to find that line. He wanted to call his team; get his family to come and save him again but he couldn't risk that. His new team was dead and his handler was missing, calling in his team may just get them killed. He couldn't do that, risk his teams' lives because he had messed up.

As he walked through the market, he kept checking behind him for the shooters however he knew that they wouldn't risk a shot out this openly. The safehouse attack had been planned and done quietly otherwise he wouldn't have even entered the building. Thankfully he had worn his dark blue shirt with his hoodie, the dark colours allowed no one to notice the growing blood stain as he passed people. All he needed was someone to scream and call for help and he would be screwed. He knew that the local authorities would make him go to the hospital and demand him to explain why he was here, something that he knew that he couldn't tell them and would cause one big headache for everyone. But also the people after him would easily find him, it would be like shooting fish in a barrel. But also they all knew that Zurkoff would have people inside the police force, and he wouldn't likely get to the hospital if they picked him up. He needed to find somewhere that was safe for him to stay, however, he didn't have a lot to do that.

All he had on him was a wallet with an ID and a passport (under a fake name), around 3013 in the Turkish lira which was roughly $500, his glock and an extra mag. He also had carried a small backpack with a thicker jacket inside and a small medical kit. He also had a few bottles of water and a few protein bars. He also had a burner phone. He wished he could dial one of the guys' numbers, get some help to him but he couldn't and they would unlikely answer a blocked number.

His team didn't even know where he was. His team and command had been told that the Navy had paid for him to attend a special rehab clinic up north. Somewhere that didn't have a very good phone signal or where he couldn't answer them. Not even Blackburn knew that he was on the operation. So he was cut off from his family. Alone in a country that would easily kill him. The only thing he could think about was getting somewhere safe and then somehow get to the embassy.

It was his only opinion. He didn't have any contacts on his own, and his Turkish was a little rusty. He had only been up on the op because he spoke Russian and the buyers of Zurkoff spoke Pashto. However, he knew that he had only been given the op because Uncle Tommy had offered him the op to get him back into the action. Uncle Tommy wasn't by blood, but he was the closest thing he had to an Uncle left. He had been part of his father's old Seal team and was someone that he had always looked up too.

He reminded him of Jason a lot of the time, the man had a kind heart. He cared about the people he worked with and wasn't scared to do the right thing even if it went against orders. Uncle Tommy, unlike his father, had done very well for himself within the service. He had remained in the Navy and had been appointment Admiral not long before he had joined the Navy. He had even trained with him before he attended BUDs. He was not just his Uncle. He was his godfather.

He had been his father's best friend until they had their fall out, he had never been told what had happened between the two but he hadn't given up his relationship with his godfather. But since he had become an Admiral they had chosen to keep their relationship a secret. It was hard enough dealing with the fall out of what his father had done to the Brotherhood, he didn't want to think about the problems he would have to deal with if word got out.

His godfather had heard about his injuries and had visited him when he had returned stateside in secret and not in uniform. He could tell that he had been itching to get back out on deployment but he still hadn't been given the all clear to return to action. This op was meant to help him get more ready and to prove to command that he was ready to return. When he had returned home, he had dropped by when Bret was gone and more so after Bret had killed himself. He had also tried to get Bret his medal but was shot down by the top command. Not even an Admiral could change the rules. Not yet anyway.

He knew however that when he heard about what had happened, he would blame himself. He had sent him in alone, without his brothers. He could only guess that soon when they missed their check-in, that command would find out that something had happened. But they were hardly going to send a full Seal team to check up on a classified black op CIA mission. Maybe a few other agents but as they didn't know he was here, they weren't likely going to send a team.

He kept walking as he made his way throw the streets until he could feel his body react to the blood loss. He needed to get off the streets as the sun had already started to set. If he was still on the street at night he knew that the shooters had a better chance at catching up with him. Also, he had a feeling that he was been watched, but he didn't know if it was because he had joined with a group of holidaymakers. He easily blended in with them. However, as they turned into one of the restaurants he quickly moved the alleyway and quickly made his way to one of the abandoned buildings. He had clocked it when he had checked the surrounding buildings, it was close to the safe house but at the same time far enough away that hopefully he wouldn't be found.

The building was an old warehouse that looked like it had been a factor once. Luckily for him, the second floor was one big room with windows facing in all directions. He could use it as overwatch, allowing him to watch the streets around him and also make sure that the bodies of the falling agents were used in any way. He might not have known them that well but they were his team. They were fellow soldiers.

By the time he had cleared the whole building and made his way up to the second floor he was losing the light. He moved over to the wall that faced the safe house, he needed to be close to them even if he couldn't be with them. Pulling out his jacket he laced it on the floor, along with the bottles of water and lend against the wall. He took in a deep breath before he opened his med kit. It was only small, but it had what he needed. Painfully and carefully removed his hoodie and his shirt and wrapped the wound. The bullet was still in him. At least he only had to worried about one wound. He, however, knew that he still could bleed out.

But he couldn't do anything else tonight. He needed to rest, even if it meant letting down his guard a little. He needed to sleep. Tomorrow was going to be interesting, all he needed to do was get out to the embassy without being killed and work out how or who was trying to kill him. Yes, he knew that he was screwed.


	2. In the Cages

Chapter Two

Oh god, he was tired. He had found it really hard to keep his eyes open whenever he sat down. Jason now was really tempered to let Sonny off his leash at the cake eaters if they call him telling him that they had another drill to do. It was all he and Bravo seem to do since they got back home. True, he didn't want to be deployed without all of the team. He would never admit it but god, he missed that kid.

Clay was annoying, egotistical and a real pain in the backside. But he was theirs. Clay was Bravo's and no one else was going to get him. It was one of the reasons why he didn't want to deploy without him. He wasn't stupid, even with the last name 'Spencer' other teams had made their voices heard when speaking about the kid. A lot of them had wanted him, he had been top of nearly all team's wish list when the Green Team graduates were released. And Jason knew that even if he didn't understand the kid, he would be a foul to pass the kid up.

He remembered reading the kid's file. There hadn't been much in it regarding his personal life, expect who his immediate was. But regarding his life in the Navy, the kid read like a boy that had been training to become a Seal all his life. The kid had entered the Navy with top marks and recommendations from his headmaster. And the kid didn't disappoint the Navy at all. Even with his last name.

The kid had sailed through BUDs. His instructors had reported that he was one of most determined men they had ever met, he met every challenge the same. Head on. Jason had seen the respect that those instructors had for the kid. And he knew that Clay had gotten the respect from every Seal he worked with and had quickly become Second-in-command of Seal Team Three Alpha Platoon. The youngest in the history of the Seals. His former CO only reported good things about him, his loyalty, his determination and his fighting spirit. The kid never allowed any of his team to fail and always brought them home. Even if it meant risking his own life.

The running theme that ran throughout Clay's whole file. The kid had it built into him that he needed to save others, and many times that meant he didn't value the risk of his own life. A theme Jay saw now. Clay risked his life every time he had to in order to save others. Running into that street in Manila was no different. He wanted to help save other victims of the bombing, and he had. Two brothers still had each other thanks to the kid. And a woman got to live another day. But in doing so ran directly towards the second bomb. The bomb that had almost cost him his life.

That day haunted Jay.

Most nights all he could remember was hearing the sound of the second explosion and looking up trying to find all his men. Ray had been with him. Brock and Trent not too far away. However, when Sonny's voice cried out Clay's name before leaving the bar caused him to freeze. He hadn't seen Clay go outside, nor see where he went but soon they were all heading into the street to try to find their guy.

But he couldn't erase what he saw when he got out there. Following Sonny's cries, they soon found their guy. Clay had been laying on the edge of the road, bloody and barely responding to them. As they ran to get to him, he remembered seeing the crater that had been left by the bomb. And Clay's shoes. He remembered finding them in the street. Clay had been knocked right out of them. That only caused his heart to sink more. He had seen peoples' injuries when they had been knocked out of their shoes. And it was never good.

As he had gotten to his man, he hadn't seen Clay's injuries but focused on Clay's face. The kid had been barely conscious. He had heard the worry tearing through Sonny's voice. They all knew that the kid was in trouble. And Trent had made that known as well when he sent Brock to find the things he needed and said that they needed to get him to a hospital. They all knew what that meant. Clay's injuries could spell out the end of his career.

But Clay hadn't let that happen. He fought. Was fighting. Still.

But yet he still wasn't back with them. Not yet anyway. However, he had personally seen Clay run the training courses with Brock, Trent and Sonny when they were free. Or he would run it with Derek and Scott if Alpha was home. He had also seen him with Big Chief on the occasions that all the teams were busy. He was fighting to get back to them, he barely walked with a limp anymore. However, to the doctors and the Brass, he wasn't ready to return.

It had been the reason why the Navy Brass had sent Clay off to a rehab clinic. That had really set Bravo off. Trent and Ray had to take Sonny off to calm him down after Blackburn had told them that Clay was gone. Yes, the clinic would help get Clay's leg back to fighting strength and that meant that he could return to them. But they didn't like the idea of not been there for the kid. Clay hadn't looked excited to go however Jay knew that Clay wanted to come back to them and so needed to go. He just didn't like the idea of sending him away. It felt like he was of losing him again.

Sonny had hated the idea and had voiced it to all of them until Trent and Ray had calmed him down and it took them nearly an hour before they were confident that he wouldn't go and do something stupid. Sonny had grown the closest to the kid out of all of them. They had become like brothers. And finding his brother laid in the street injured had really affected Sonny. More than he was letting on. As soon as they had gotten back Jay had seen Sonny relax and when he was with Clay he was back to normal.

Jay knew that he had to thank Trent for finally calming Sonny down. Trent had snapped very harshly at Sonny reminding him that Clay may never operator again if he couldn't get his leg back to normal. The kid's whole life had been training and fighting to become a Seal. They were just being selfish, when they were deployed all they wanted to do was to be stateside with Clay and now they were home he was being sent away again. But if it meant Clay could return to them ready to fight alongside them again, it was worth it.

Trying to get his mind off Clay he looked around the cages, which was only lit with small lights from each cage and the moonlight that was shining through the window. Trent, Sonny and Brock along with Cerberus had left just after they had finished the last drill. They were all tired and as soon as they had gotten back to their cages, Jason had sent everyone home. Including Ray.

However, Ray had returned only an hour later. He had said that Naima was doing a night shift at the hospital and the kids were with her parents for the night as they hadn't known if they would be doing another night drill. But Jason knew that his best friend didn't want to leave him alone for too long. And he was glad not to be alone. With Emma off at college and Mickey still alway, he hated being alone and often he would go to the bar, or back to base, just to be around people.

Jay turned to see Ray sat on his chair cleaning his rifle with so much concentration that Jason found himself looking directly at him for over twenty minutes before he looked up. Jay smiled at his best friend.

"Think you might rub away the metal if you keep going," Jason said smiling at him.

Ray looked at him with a look that clearly said 'really' and shook his head. "Please brother, next time I have to save your arse you can make it up to me with a bottle of whisky. I've been telling you for years that this helps me relax." Ray called back putting down his cloth and getting to his feet. "You try fitting in all of Naima's jobs and these drills along hardly any sleep because of your son waking up at some godly hour."

He finished when he leant against Jason's cage. Jason smiled, he knew that Naima was making cracking the whip at Ray to get the jobs she wanted doing around the house before they were deployed again. He knew very well how scary Naima could be when they didn't do as they were told. She reminded him of Alana. And he missed that, having someone shout at him for not finishing a job. He missed his best friend, and that was who Alana was. She was his best friend and he had lost her. But he had to be thankful for his team. They had stood by him, and helped when he felt like the whole world was going to collapse on him.

Ray knew what Jason was thinking. It seems that his friend never really wanted to be alone and he didn't blame him. He had watched his friend lose his wife, and then blame himself when Adam, his replacement, was killed on the operation to which he should have been on. He also knew that after his return Jason thought that he needed to prove to the team and himself that he could still lead. And it rubbed a lot of them the wrong way. Even him.

But after Clay had gotten injured they had all seen the anger and pain in Jason's eyes that they all knew well. It was the same anger and pain that they had seen when they had lost Nate. Clay was like a little annoying brother to them all, and to Jason he was a lot more. He was like a reminder that sometimes two people can be so much alike that it allows wounds that may never close due to the loss of a friend can heal with time.

They all saw Clay a little differently and he meant something different for each of them. To Sonny, he was a little brother, someone who he felt like he needed to look after, that he had to be responsible for someone other than himself. Something that he had not felt before. It was new to him, that feeling. But he found himself enjoying it. He could push Clay and knew that his friend would understand why or even challenge him. He was also his best friend, with Clay he could speak about anything and the kid never judged him. Sometimes he was just a soundboard, listened to his problems without a complaint in sight. He was also a good drinking buddy when he needed one.

To Trent, Clay was a challenge. Both medically and physically. He like all of them hated to admit that they were in pain however with Clay, it seems, didn't feel pain until he allowed himself to feel it. Like he could block his pain receptors. He had seen the kid risk his life without thinking about his own safety and come out without a scratch. Well tell them he didn't get hurt only to find out later that he lied to them. Sometimes not purposely but still lying to them. However, on the other hand, Clay had a thirst to learn new skills and would often ask him to teach or test him on his medical training. It was nice for him to teach someone who wanted to learn and not just do it for the sake of it.

To Brock, Clay was a brother who understood him better than anyone else. The kid could easily read him and knew what he needed of him. It was strange. He was the quietest out of all the tier one operators but Clay never asked him why; Clay just expected him. And his dog loved the kid. It was one of the things that made him aware that Clay was meant to be on Bravo. Cerberus expected the kid the moment he joined the team. He even jumped up into Clay's hammock on the way back from their first operation. He also helped out with looking after Cerb whenever he needed it, he often walked and feed him when he had been busy. The dog loved him and trusted him. So, so did he.

To Jason, Clay was a mixture of a little brother and a son. The kid needed someone to look out for him, both physically and medically. The kid had been given a bad set of cards. A father who betrayed the brotherhood. A mother who died when he was only little. Sent halfway around the world to live in a foreign land and having to learn a new language to live with his father's parents. Then returning and having to deal with the loss of the only place he knew as home. And even with what his father had done, he had joined the Seals and had fought to become a team guy. Making the name Spencer mean something again. He was proud of the kid. Like he was his own son, Alana had mentioned once that he was old enough to be the kid's father which was a scary thought. However the kid needed someone to look after him, he only knew the harsh life and needed some help working out what it meant to be in a family that cared.

To Ray, Clay was like a kindred spirit both of and on the range. Clay, like him, enjoyed time looking down the scope, just them and the scope was the most peaceful thing in the world. They often found themselves together on the range, just them, firing perfect headshots at the targets pushing their skills as far as they could go or when they got called away. When the team had returned and he had patched things up with his own family, he had met Clay on the range. It was their way of being able to say what was truly going through each other's head without the risk of someone else overhearding or interrupting them. Also, Clay had connected with his family like no one else before. Even his fellow Bravo brothers had taken a few months before getting comfortable around Naima and his children. But with Clay, it was almost immediate. Clay was going to make a great father in the future. That was clear to him, the kid had a good heart. Something that made him who he was. It made him a better man, brother and friend.

Ray looked at Jason who's eyes had moved onto Clay's empty cage. "You miss him," Jay said. It wasn't a question, it was a statement and one that they both knew was true.

"We are so close at getting him back Ray, all we need now is some specialist turning around and telling him and the Navy that he will never be able to operate again. Then what Ray? We will have lost him again." Jason said not looking at Ray until he asked him the question. He didn't want to believe the fact that Clay may never come back to them, even with all the work the kid had put into getting back to them. If the doctor said no, well the Navy would side with the doctors. And they would lose another brother, a kid that had so much to give.

"We are not there yet Jay. You heard Lucas give us that report, Clay is healing quicker than anyone he has ever seen and is already beating some of the Green Team guys at some of the courses. It is going to take time but Clay will make it back to us. If I can do it, then he sure as hell can." As Ray finished speaking Jason nodded. He remembered being told not only by Lucas but also by Big Chief, Derek and the other Green Team Instructors that had been working with Clay, that the kid was making them look bad by him beating them. He had been blown up for god's sake and he was beating fully active and healthy tier one guys. He was coming back. He had too.

However, before Ray could add anything else an all too familiar sound came from their phones. The call of an op.

Ray pattered Jason on the shoulder before collecting his phone and reading the message. Jason pulled his phone out of his pocket and did the same.

"Twenty bucks Sonny comes in complaining about this," Ray said popping his phone into his back pocket.

"That's a sucker bet," Jason said doing the same as they both headed towards the briefing room to get some fresh coffee going. They knew the team would only take twenty minutes before they got to them, but if the coffee wasn't available then they would all be dealing with a very upset Texan. And with the possible idea of them being stuck in the same room as Sonny in a bad mood, didn't bear thinking about. And Sonny in a bad mood on a long flight was something everyone wanted to avoid. If possible.


	3. An Odd Briefing

Chapter Three

Before Jason and Ray had entered the briefing room, Ray had sent a quick text to Naima letting her know that they were being spun up or was likely to be spun up. Not every briefing ended up with them on a mission, and maybe this was just an update on the multiple ops that they had helped plan or were waiting on the green light. Jason did the same to Emma and Mickey, they may not be living with him at the moment but they were still his kids. Emma was off at university and Mickey was joining himself playing hockey. They were happy and by just them being happy made him happy. He still missed them, but he couldn't hold them back at anymore.

As they entered the briefing room they found it a hive of activity, their support team were already busy getting ready for their departure. They both looked at each other, they hadn't seen that for a long time. The possibility of being spun up looked very likely. They quickly checked on who was in the room and quickly they both spotted Blackburn stood with his back to them speaking very quietly to Mandy next to the plasma screens. Their conversation stopped every time someone got too close to them, likely they didn't want anyone to overhear them.

Also from the look on Mandy's face, the topic was annoying her. To be truthful both Blackburn's and Mandy's body language screamed that they both were annoyed at the situation and both were stressed. Blackburn was clearly stressed by his stands, Jason had worked with Blackburn long enough to read his Lieutenant Commander very well.

Not wanting to get snapped at by neither one of them, they both thought better than interrupting them and instead moved to the small kitchen in the room and made sure that there was some coffee going. They were going to need it. And more so when Sonny got in as they all knew that the man was tired, annoyed and very pissed off at the cake eaters for a lot of things. Coffee was something that they all would need if they wanted to make it through this briefing.

Pouring themselves a cup of coffee each, Ray quickly sat down in his chair and waited for the rest of the team. Jason quickly poured Mandy and Blackburn a cup each of the hot coffee and placed each cup on the table in front of the pair. Blackburn turned and nodded a thanks to him before picking up the cup before allowing himself to drop into his chair before taking half of the very hot liquid into his mouth and swallowing it. Jason and Ray both looked at each other, Blackburn never drowned coffee unless he was so stressed that he didn't care how hot the liquid was. Mandy tried to pull a smile but couldn't so instead muttered a 'thanks' before taking her cup and sipping the coffee before turning to look at the blank monitors without another word.

They all stood and sat in silence for a couple of minutes, no one spoke as support moved around them. The tension that was so clear in the room was smothering, however to Jason and Ray, they knew that Blackburn would not tell them what was wrong until the rest of Bravo arrived. And they didn't need to wait long.

The first to arrive was Brock and Cerberus. Their four-legged teammate looked the most awake out of the whole team. He was happily trotting at Brock's heel, wagging his tail. Their k9 teammate looked the only one happy about the whole being called up. Brock looked like he had caught a couple of hours sleep but still looked tired. Living the closest to the base they knew that he was the only one that may have had a decent amount of sleep. And it was a good thing too, Brock may be the quietest out of all of them but when he was tired he was the moodiest. Jason noticed that Brock was in fact in the same clothes that he had left in so he guessed that he had fallen asleep in them. His grey shirt looked like the man had just fallen face first into his bed and was creased to hell. But he wasn't going to bring that up, he was here after all and somewhat awake.

Cerb never left his side until he threw the dog his favourite ball across the room and Cerb became their little hair missile and chased after it. A normal thing to do for them, before collecting a cup of coffee. By the time he had finished, Cerb was sat in front of him with his ball in his mouth looking very proud of himself. Brock gave his pup a small smile and rubbed his head and behind his ear but didn't take the ball off him. Instead, he moved to his seat and sat down.

"Get any sleep?" Ray asked, smiling at how Cerb sat next to Brock looking at his friend with a look of confusion why he hadn't taken the ball back off him to throw again.

Brock sipped his coffee and looked at Ray with a scowled expression, Cerb, on the other hand, dropped his ball out of his mouth and barked. Like he was answering for his friend. Ray and Jason both smiled. But Brock didn't respond, he best friend had done so for him and he was too tired to explain in the language of human.

Then the door opened again to relieve a very tired Trent, along with a very annoyed Sonny. Trent looked like he regretted agreeing to pick Sonny up. Their normally happy gun-hoe seal looked like he was ready to kill the first person who spoke to him wrong. Yep, this briefing was going to be fun.

"There must be a rule saying that the sorry sons of bitches who had completed more drills in the last 48 hours are not the stupid idiots that get sent to god knows where without a bloody good reason. And when there are other teams who have a lot more sleep who are free." Sonny ranted as he walked into the room, headed straight for the coffee before sitting down in a huff.

They all looked at each other with a small grin on their faces. They had all guessed that Sonny would be the one to start to moaning. But they didn't say anything, instead, they all turned to face Mandy. Who had turned when Sonny's voice had broken the muttered voices of the support team.

"Look I know you are all tired but Command has requested Bravo by name. So we are all just going to have to deal with it." Blackburn voiced, telling everyone that something was clearly up. They all knew that this wasn't going to be a normal op.

Blackburn turned to Mandy and nodded, telling her to start before leaning back in his chair and ready to watch his team's reaction. However, Mandy waited until the rest of the support team had taken their seats before starting.

"We are heading to Turkey, five hours ago we got an alert from one of our safe houses were a six-man team were working on a highly classified operation." Mandy began as she turned to the monitors and switched them on so that the map of the location of the safe house appeared.

"With the alert, the buildings CCTV was immediately sent directly to us showing this." She said before pulling up the video.

They all watched in silence as the video started. It showed four men working on computers or just out of frame. They all had a strong build and looked like they were ready to take action if they needed too. Two wore light tan shirts, similar style to what they wore. The others were in darker colours.

Then all of a sudden, over ten armed men ran through the two doorways and into frame firing as they went. They watched as two of the four fell almost immediate, both dead by multiple gunshots. They never even turned to face the shooters, they never got the chance. However, it seemed that the other two men had reacted quickly to see their two friends and quickly returned fire. One fell only a minute later, however, the other man was still fighting. They could tell that the man was bleeding and a few minutes later he too fell dead.

Mandy stopped the video and turned to Bravo. "The four men killed were all C.I.A agents and the support team for the mission. Richard Gomez, Jimmy Claxton, Alex Matthews and John Pattison." Mandy said pulling up each man's picture as she read off the names.

"Richard or Richie as he was known with Jimmy Claxton were both former Delta force and as you saw from the video were the ones that were able to fight back for a time. Both had a wife and kids." Mandy said with a sigh.

Jason and Ray both looked at each other, they knew that two families would forever be changed and those kids would grow up without a father. Something that worried both of them, but now Jason was more than scared of it. He was petrified of leaving his children without a parent. Blackburn turned slightly to check on Jason and Ray. He knew that with that knowledge the team would take it a lot more personal.

"Didn't you say it was a six-man team?" Ray asked, turning to Mandy. "Haven't you had contact with the other two men?"

The points made sense to them all. Trent, Brock and Sonny, however, didn't say a word. Cerb had settled himself down under the briefing table screwing his ball. Mandy sighed and ran her fingers through her hair before turning back to the monitor.

"No, we haven't been able to react neither of them. The team's leader was Warren Jones. A veteran of the agencies. He has run operations across the world without a problem. Now we can't locate him, which gives us three possibilities. One he was killed in the house upstairs in one of the bedrooms which didn't have cameras. Two, he was able to escape and is hiding somewhere safe and unable to contact us. Or three, their target found Jones and somehow made him tell them where the rest of the team were." Mandy said pulling up Warren Jones' photo.

The man was clearly in his fifties with grey hair. They all had a strange feeling that it was very likely that Mandy's opinion number three was the true one. Everyone had their breaking point and whoever they were after meant business.

Mandy then pulled up another photo of a man in his thirties in a clear suit climbing out of an expensive car. "They were after this man. Ivor Zurkoff. Former Russian Special Forces turned arms dealer for anyone who can pay his prices. We have intelligence that he sold the weapons that were used by ISIS to target our and allied troops in Syria and Iraq."

That information made all of their blood boil, however, it was Sonny who spoke first. "Well I will be happy to end his miserable life."

Everyone nodded at that statement. "Sadly Sonny that isn't our mission." Blackburn started and turned fully to face his team. "Our job is to recover our agents' bodies and find out what happened to the two other operatives. If they are alive we need to get them out. If and only if they have been captured by Zurkoff are we allowed to engage him. The brass do not want him knowing that we were watching him. They need to get more intel on the people he is dealing with before we will be given the green light to take him out."

Everyone looked at Blackburn, they understood the importance of bringing home their own and finding those who were missing before they could suffer the same fate as their teammates. However not going after a man like Zurkoff really pissed them off, to cut the head off the snake of arms dealing would make them all happy.

"Wait what about the sixth guy?" Trent asked looking at the photos of the agents that were on one of the screens and noticed that there were only five photos.

Mandy and Blackburn both looked at each other, they had been clearly trying to avoid the conversation but now they couldn't. Jason looked at Blackburn, the man was both annoyed and nervous about the topic. Like they both knew something.

"Well…" Jason asked looking directly at Mandy.

"Command will not release the name of the sixth man to us…" With those words, Sonny slammed his fist on the table making them all jump and Cerberus to jump to his feet and ran to Brock's side just in case his friend needed protection.

"Those damn cake eaters want us to find their two agents without even telling us who one of them are!" Jason agreed with Sonny but knew that they couldn't fight command.

"...without finding Jones' first. The sixth man was the one who had the most contact with Zurkoff and with so his identity has to remain a secret until we can determine how those men knew where to find our guys they will not release the man's name." Mandy finished after Sonny had finished his little rant, they needed to find Jones and only then could they find out why Command was keeping them out of the lope. That was the reason why both Mandy and Blackburn were so annoyed, they had tried everything to get them to give them the name of the last man but couldn't. In the end, they had pulled rank on Blackburn, shutting down any more attempts.

"So let me get this straight, we are being dropped into a country that may be full of hostiles that may want to kill us to recover four agents' bodies and then find the handler who may or may not be already dead in order to find the last man. What happens if we accidentally kill the last man?" Ray summed up everything he had heard and then asked the question they were all thinking.

"Sadly that's the mission. We take off in two hours. A C.I.A support team will also be joining us in order for them to secure the bodies so we can focus on finding Jones and the last man." Blackburn finished getting to his feet.

"Well I don't like it," Sonny said taking off his cap and throwing it on the table.

"Don't have to like it brother," Ray added also getting to his feet.

Jason just looked at the screen that still held the paused video of the attack. He didn't like it, something was off about this mission. For one, Command had asked for them. That had happened before but now they were withholding information. That happened sometimes but not that could result in putting someone's life in danger. Something was off.

One by one each member of Bravo headed towards the cages leaving only Mandy and Jason in the briefing room. Mandy turned to Jason who was still looking at the video. "You ok?" She asked seeing the tired look clearly written all over his face.

Jason rubbed his hands over his face."Yer, sure. Why?" He asked looking at her.

She smiled, "I know you are annoyed at this whole situation but I tried to get the last name. But was told that with this been a black op, we need to find Jones."

Jason nodded, he trusted Mandy and Blackburn. He just needed to focus on the mission, finding Jones was their first task. And only then would they find out why Command was being very cagey around the last man's name. And doing so with Sonny on a short leash.


	4. In Trouble

Chapter Four

Clay knew that it was morning, he didn't have to open his eyes to tell himself that. He could feel the hot sunlight on his face, and his arm from the window that was directly on his right. At least he had survived the night, that was a bonus. He was alive and still kicking but he could see the effects of his blood loss now. He was so tired, even with catching a few hours sleep; he knew that it wasn't the most restful sleep he had ever had but it was asleep still. He knew what that was, he knew that he had lost a lot of blood already and if he continued to bleed as much as he was he would live long. Not long enough for help to come.

He had hoped that he would wake up, finding out that all of this was just a dream and that we would be awoken by Jimmy singing at the top of his lungs very early in the morning. It reminded him of Sonny. The only difference was that Jimmy could sing, Sonny sounded like listening to someone running a piece of chalk along a chalkboard.

Even though he had only known the guys a couple of days they were family to him, just like Bravo. Richie was the protective older brother, Jimmy was the fun brother. Alex and Jo were like brothers who would stand by him when needed too and allowed him to do his own thing. Just like Bravo. They were his brothers, all of them.

The only person who he didn't get on within his new family was the man who he had to trust with his life, his handler. Warren was someone who made Clay put up his walls. He didn't know why he made him do this but he did it every time he entered a room. And when he debriefed him every time he returned from following Zurkoff he felt uneasy around him. He remembered when Uncle Tommy had briefed him on his support team and his handler, his Uncle had a few choice words about his new handler. Tommy didn't like the guy even though he never told him why. And even Richie acted oddly around their team leader. It seemed that even Richie didn't fully trust Warren. Every time Warren entered the room, Richie became quiet and wouldn't speak openly when he was in the room.

But on the other hand, he remembered reading Warren's file. The man needed to be in control and liked to pick his own team. And the agencies in the past had allowed him to do that. But not this time. This time, he had been given this team. Four support guys that he never met before and a Navy Seal Tier One Operator chosen by the Navy without his knowledge. He understood why anyone would be pissed if he lost control of his own operation due to commands chooses. He had been on the receiving end of that personally when command tried to get involved in an op he and his chief had planned.

Finally, after working on his breathing, Clay finally opened his eyes only to met by even more pain. At first, the sunlight burned his eyes, however a for a couple of minutes they adjusted to the bright light. He quickly scanned the room in front of him and found himself still alone. He was safe for now. But he knew that he wouldn't be for long. He couldn't go back to the safe house because the house wasn't safe, so he was on his own.

But he did need help, and his wound needed to be looked at. He knew that.

However, how was he going to do that?

He didn't know the country however he remembered little pieces of what Warren said about the town they were in. He had mentioned a few things about a doctor that he knew and was using for local intelligence. He knew that he was American and as he was selling intelligence to the C.I.A would help him. Even if he had to use force.

Reacting for his bottle of water he slowly sipped the warm water. He wished it was ice cold as it was when he had placed it in his bag. But at least he had water with him. And nippled at a protein bar. He needed to move but first, he knew that he needed to treat his wound first. As he knew that Trent would kill him if he didn't look after himself.

He reached into his bag and pulled out his first aid kit, and pulled out another bandage. Luckily he had packed his own kit with extra supplies and thankfully he had. Or we would be in some serious trouble. Not bothering to undo his old bandage he quickly wrapped the second bandage around the wound. He knew that he should really clean his wound but he didn't have the time nor did he want to pass out.

Slowly he put his kit, his bottle of water and the rest of his protein bar in his bag and then slowly pulled himself to his feet but had to lean against the wall till the world stopped spinning. God, he was in the shit. Lifting his head from his arm he looked out the window and looked down at the street below. There wasn't a lot of people on the street as it was still early. Which meant he had to be more careful in case someone was still looking for him. And he had a strange feeling that the attack was possible set up by Zurkoff. Which meant he was still being hunted. And he needed to be able to defend himself.

But he couldn't wait anymore, he needed to get help. If the bullet had nicked his kidney it wouldn't be long before infection set in and then he was in serious trouble. Infection would kill him before any help could get to him if he left it untreated. Trent had drilled into all of them that if they left a wound too long without treatment it would, in the end, kill them. He would repeat that often after one of them forgot to mention a small wound or even a one that they may class as small but really wasn't.

Closing his jacket to hide his wound making sure that he had easy access to his weapon. He wasn't going to get taken without a fight if it came to it. Then picking up his bag he did a quick look at the doorway that led to the street to make sure no one was watching it and made his way out of the warehouse.

As he made his way through the streets he trusted his mind to take him right to the doctor's door. He had seen the address written down in Warren's notebook. Something that he had accidentally left out on the first day. Something that he didn't do again when he found Clay reading a small note that he had made on one of the pages. Clay was also thankful for his photographic memory.

It was something he had found out about when he was a kid, he could remember things months and years after seeing it. He had found it really helpful when it came down to learning new languages. It was why he had learned so many in a short space of time. Also, it helped when it came to the briefing. He could remember small details of the briefing that other members could not without reading it over and over again for a couple of hours.

On this job, he was glad he had that skill. He had explained the small streets and names on the map as he and the team flow into Turkey. Just in case he needed to make an escape if he ever got made. And now it was helping him work his way through the small streets to the small doctor's clinic on the edge of the town. Luckily for him, it didn't open for a couple of more hours so he would be able to get in and out quickly and quietly. The doctor also lived above the practice.

No one double looked at him as he made his way through the streets. Luckily his blood hadn't soaked through his jacket yet. As he made it to the small clinic, he found it to be run out of a small house. The front door was closed, as he knew it was. However, as he moved down the alleyway to the side of the house he saw an elderly man stood outside having a smoke with the side door open. He knew that the doctor lived alone, and from his appearance had lived here for a long time.

With a quick glance around him to make sure that he was not being watched before quickly putting the man in a headlock with his hand over his mouth stopping him from screaming.

"Make a noise and I'll break your neck," Clay whispered to the man who nodded. With that he pulled the man back into the house, kicking the door closed behind him and pushed the man against the wall, keeping his hand on the man's shirt.

"Who are you?" The man asked he was physically shaking. He didn't say anything but the man quickly scanned his eyes over his body before his eyes locked on the blood that was now seeping through his jacket. "You're bleeding." He stated now calmly.

"Are you Doctor Aksoy?" Clay asked trying to get his pain back under control. Restraining the doctor had really taken it out of him.

The man nodded. "You're American." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"Are you friend's with Warren?" He then asked. Clay nodded once and when he did he saw that the man had completely relaxed, like hearing his handlers name made the man see why he was here.

"Well, I am guessing you are here for me to patch that wound up." The man asked indicating to Clay's wound. Seeing that Aksoy meant him no harm he finally let go of the man. Aksoy moved deeper into the house without a care in the world that someone had just threatened his life. Clay could only guess that Aksoy used to been around armed men before.

Every part of his training screamed for him, not to trust a man he knew nothing about and more so when he had to trust someone who his handler used for information. He could easily sell him out. But for some reason, he felt like he needed to trust the man. He had to in order to stay alive.

Following him into the main room which was a doctor's consulting room, and watched as Aksoy pulled out some surgical gloves and what looked like a medical kit. It looked similar to what Trent carried but he could only guess what else he might have in that. He watched every move the doctor was making, he hated having to trust someone he didn't know but what choice did he have?

"Take your jacket and shirt off and let me have a look," Aksoy said also bring out a bag of fluid and an IV line. Not hearing the soldier move, Aksoy turned to face him.

"You are feeling the effect of the blood loss and without fluids, you will pass out whilst I treat your wound. I am guessing that you will want to stay awake whilst I treat you" Aksoy stated as he started to hang up the fluid bag onto an IV stand.

Clay knew that he was telling him the truth but at the same time every part of his soldier training told him not too. However, he did as he was asked, putting his bag down next to the bed that was in the centre of the room he removed his jacket and then his shirt but more carefully without knocking his wound. He looked down at his bandaged abdomen and saw that the blood stain had grown but had slowed.

Carefully without knocking it, he climbed onto the bed making sure that his weapon was tucked under his leg so he still had access to it. He was vulnerable. And he knew it.

Aksoy quickly placed an iv cannula into his arm without Clay even realised and connected him to the bag of fluids he had already running and then got to work on the bullet wound. Quickly he removed Clay's bandages and Clay was shocked at the sight of the wound as Aksoy started to clean his abdomen up. The wound looked small but it continued to seep blood. Aksoy worked quickly and quietly which reminded him of Trent. He had seen Trent go into a state like he did when he was behind his scope. Where the world could happily move on around them, and Trent often went like that when he was treating someone and more so when it was one of his brothers.

Aksoy stopped next to him and examined his wound more closely. "I think it may have just missed your kidney. From the angle, it looks like its only hit soft tissue and muscle which is why it's still bleeding. Must have hit a few capillaries and a vein or two. I can sew up the vein as I can see it and close the wound to stop it bleeding if you will let me." Aksoy said looking at Clay.

He was asking permission to sew up a soldier who he knew could easily kill him if he felt threatened. Clay, however, now meeting the doctor's eyes he saw that he meant well so he nodded. He needed to get in a state where he could fight back.

Askoy nodded and collected what he needed and then picked up three syringes filled with liquid. Clay slightly panicked. "Don't panic…" Askoy said seeing the soldier's hand move to his weapon.

"One is a local anaesthetic for the area or you're going to feel me close that wound and more so when I take out that bullet. The others are antibiotic and flush." He then moved and injected the antibiotic into his IV line and then the flush to clear the line. Before moving to his side and slowly injected the local anaesthetic into the muscle around the bullet hole.

He then moved to the sink and wiped the whole site again but this time to sterilize the area around the wound and then moved off to clean his hands. He then placed on some gloves that he had already set out before sitting down next to him and went in to remove the bullet. Using some forceps Clay watched as the doctor started to dig around his wound to remove the bullet. He had to admit it felt a little strange watching someone dig around his body for a bullet. He was now thankful for that local as he could only guess how painful this must be for someone without it.

"Got it," Aksoy said as he slowly and carefully pulled out the bullet. He had been right, it had been a small calibre round but it didn't make it any less painful. For the next few minutes, Clay watched as Aksoy stopped the small bleed that had been caused by the round, flushed out the area to clean out any debris that may have gotten into the wound and then sewed him up.

When he was finished Aksoy got to his feet and after cleaning off the dried blood from his side and then placed a bandage and dressing over his neat work. He wasn't ever going to say it to Trent but Clay knew that it was neater than anything Trent could have done. But Aksoy was a doctor and Trent wasn't so he wasn't going to say a word.

"You need to finish off that bag of fluid and need more antibiotics to stop any infection but I can give you those to take away. You don't need to stay here after you have finished that bag." Aksoy finished heading to the sink to clean his hands after he removed his gloves.

"Thank you," Clay said, as he slowly moved to sit up more.

"Don't move. You will updo my work, and then I will have to stitch you back up again." Aksoy said without turning like he knew what he was doing. Clay chuckled. Aksoy was a typical doctor but also understood the workings of a soldier's mind.

"How do you know Warren?" Clay asked watching the doctor carefully.

Aksoy froze at the question, and with a small sigh he moved to a cupboard and pulled out two glasses before moving to the small fridge and pulled out a bottle of Rakı. He had tried Rakı in a local bar when he had followed Zurkoff and he had enjoyed it. Aksoy poured himself and Clay a glass each and handed one over to him, normally he wouldn't give alcohol to a patient who had just gone through a small operation but he needed a drink.

"Warren helped me save my grandson from a bad man. Something that I can repay him for so I help him when he asks for my help I give it. You are however the first soldier I have helped. Warren never normally brings or sends me anyone." Aksoy said sipping his drink. Clay hadn't touched it, he knew that he didn't want to tell Aksoy the truth as Warren hadn't sent him. Nor did he know if Warren was even alive.

Aksoy then smiled and looked at Clay. "America saved my family so to help an American allows me to repay you all in a small way." Clay didn't do anything with that comment. He was wrapped up in his own mind to notice much. But something that did bring him out of his head was the sound of a door 's hand wrapped around his weapon.

"Were you expecting anyone?" Clay asked, his eyes not leaving the door until Aksoy did not answer him. He turned his head in a way that he could see fully Aksoy's face and from the expression on his face could tell that he hadn't. Now Clay was on high alert, and he moved to rip his I.V out when Aksoy stopped him.

He shook his head and moved to where Clay could guess was a reception area without a word. As soon as he had left the room, Clay moved to remove the IV out of his arm and quickly grabbed his shirt and without knocking his wound he pulled it on. He could hear Aksoy speaking in Turkish, to someone. However, it was only Aksoy's voice he could hear at first. He moved behind the bed placing it between him and the two doorways in case anyone came in shooting.

His heart was beating out of his chest as he waited. He knew that if he went out there to help Aksoy and it was just one of Aksoy's patients the word would get out that an injured American was hiding in the doctor's office. He couldn't risk Aksoy's lively hood if it wasn't anyone who was after him however on the other hand if it was the armed men from before Aksoy wasn't armed.

Then he heard it. A voice that caused him to freeze. Zurkoff.

"Come out American. Or the old man dies."

Clay froze. How did Zurkoff find him? How did he know about Aksoy?

Then he saw movement under the door to the small room he first came in, there were at least three armed men stood behind that door and he didn't know how many were with Zurkoff but he knew that he was outnumbered and with Aksoy mixed up in it all he knew that he was done.

He didn't want to give in but what chose did he have. He was as good as dead and he couldn't drag a civilian into danger. Slowly the door to reception opened and a man armed with an AR-15. Clay sighed and placed his glock onto the floor and kicked it away from him. The second door then opened and he found himself staring down five AR-15s.

It was only then did Zurkoff entered and grinned at him. All he wanted to do was to go over there and wipe that stupid grin off his face. And if he had gone after him, he knew that he would more likely get shot for his efforts. Behind Zurkoff he could see two armed men stood with Aksoy who was been manhandled and restrained.

"Thank you Doctor Aksoy for keeping him alive. I have been wanting to have a long chat with our friend here." Zurkoff said with an evil glint in his eye. Without another word, he turned and shot Aksoy directly in the head and his men allowed his body to fall to the floor in a hep. Clay was frozen to the spot just staring at the dead body of a man who had just helped him and he could do nothing. He knew in his head that he couldn't have saved the doctors life but that didn't make him feel any better. He had gone to the doctor for help and he had paid for it with his life. It was just unfair.

"Now, the fun begins," Zurkoff said turning his head smiling at Clay who now held the man in front of him with a fixed stare. This man was evil and if he had the chance, he would end him. Even if it meant dying. He would do it, to get revenge for his team and for Aksoy. Zurkoff was going to die, he promised himself that.


	5. The Flight

Chapter Five

Two more hours, that was all they had left on their flight to Turkey. Sadly it had taken a little longer than normal. When Bravo had arrived at the plane they found that they had to wait another thirty minutes before they could take off. And it wasn't their fault ever.

Bravo's full support team were there, still working on making sure that transport was ready as soon as they landed in Turkey. The flight crew and pilots were all ready and had completed all flight checks. They sadly and not happily had to wait for the C.I.A recovery team that had been placed with them. Sonny had mumbled something about that 'they were a waste of time and space on the plane.'

All of Bravo had chuckled at that comment and secretly agreed with him but Blackburn had to mention again that they had been ordered to work with the C.I.A. Even if they didn't want too. Twenty-five minutes later a team of four come onto the plane and they quickly avoided the annoyed looking Seal Team. They sat with Mandy and quickly started a muttered but silent conversation. 'C.I.A and their secrets.` It was what they all thought.

As they finally got ready to leave, Jason saw as Sonny pulled out his phone very quickly type something and then put it back in his bag. He knew what he was going, he had seen Sonny do this repeatedly ever since Clay had left them. Sonny had started to text Clay with updates on what they were doing and it was also a soundboard for him. Even if Clay couldn't answer him back, at least he would feel like he was part of them. Jason also knew that Sonny told Clay when they were away on drills and when they were back, just in case they were away when he returned.

When the plane was in the air, most of the team settled down to catch up on some sleep. Cerb had settled himself in his crate, he didn't often do so but since Clay had been hurt they had often found him curled up in there instead of in someones' hammock. Brock hadn't been worried about this new odd behaviour as he knew why the dog had started to do it. He missed Clay. It was that simple. On their first mission when Clay had officially joined Bravo, he had found his four-legged friend sleeping with their new kid. If Cerb trusted him well so could he.

Brock, Trent and Sonny had all set up their hammocks and fell asleep very quickly. Blackburn had chosen to make an action plan just before they landed allowing Bravo to catch up on some sleep. They all knew that Sonny was easier to deal with when he wasn't tired, hungover or drunk. So the planning would have to wait.

Ray had settled inside his hammock however hadn't fallen asleep, instead, he sat and read his book. He had set himself the challenge to finish it before Clay came back, as it had been Clay who had recommended it. Clay had said that it would be a book that he would enjoy and he was right. He really did enjoy it but unlike Clay, he had to put it down when something came up. Mainly his children or work. He never could believe the first time he saw Clay read something he was so interested in, the kid could finish a thick book with possibly over a thousand papers in only a couple of hours. Normally during a briefing, he would see Clay causally read through the briefing pack like he wasn't focusing on it at all, so like most of the guys. And yet when on the ground or during the planned stage, Clay would throw out information that had been in the briefing pack which didn't seem important at the time helped them so much.

However, there was one member of Bravo who couldn't sleep. Instead, he sat away from his sleeping teammates and away from where the support team was. He wanted to be alone. He needed time to think. His head was spinning with thoughts and ideas about what this mission was all about. He couldn't switch off his mind, it kept running through their briefing packs that they had been given about the area and parts of the Zurkoff mission that they were allowed to know. Which wasn't a lot.

In all his years in the Navy, he had never been given a mission like this before. Normally when a mission was given to them specifically it was because of their skills and with that, they were normally given all mission details even if they were classified. It was odd that they would be given a job and then withhold important information that could make or break the mission.

However it wasn't only the mission he was worried about, it was his men. His family. That was what they were. And for him not be able to plan every part of the mission as he didn't have all the pieces made him nervous. He knew that he couldn't protect his men from everything as they all knew the risks of the job but that didn't mean he had to play russian roulette with his men's lives. He was the chief with meant that he was responsible for his teams' lives. And as he couldn't plan the mission properly he was finding it hard to relax.

Picking up a still from the CCTV cameras again he looked closely at the photo, sadly the camera didn't show much of the room however they saw the main part of the room. He had watched the footage a couple of times since they had first watched it and he had started to make notes about what he had missed the first time he had watched it. Ray had also done the same however he had given up and had gone to his hammock.

On his list was the fact that the armed men moved like they had been given the layout of the building. They knew where to point their weapons to hit their targets. They moved like they were military however not as well trained as them, that was clear. But for them to take four well-trained agents by surprised meant someone had planned this with great details.

Also five minutes after the attackers hit the building something had happened just off camera. Five of them pointed their weapons and headed out of frame and did not return. They knew the floor plan and he could only guess someone had come through the back door. Maybe the handler or the sixth man. Which meant they could be looking for an injured man or a captive. But more likely they would find another dead body next to the back door. Even if it meant that another one of their guys was dead at least they could bring him home. Just like they were going to do with the four other agents. They would bring them home and bury them right. However, like them, the public would never know truly what those men did for them. They would be buried somewhere quiet without anyone knowing what happened to them, not even their own families. But they would be honoured. In their own way, by soldiering on and making sure that their deaths weren't in vain.

Jason was lost in his own mind that he didn't even notice Eric coming over to him and sitting down right in front of him. It wasn't until his Commander had placed a bottle of water in front of him, did he notice he wasn't alone.

"You need to sleep," Eric said quietly not wanting to wake the sleeping soldiers. However, he did glance towards the rest of Bravo just to check on the remaining members of his team. Brock, Trent and Sonny were all still asleep however Ray was watching them closely from behind his book.

Eric knew that Ray was worried about Jason like he was, but unlike Ray, he wasn't afraid to call the man up on it. Ray normally just kept an eye on him until he needed to step in. However, with all the uncertainty around this mission, they could not afford for their master chief to be thinking about other things and not worrying about the mission. And not getting enough sleep would make all of their problems worse.

"I will," Jason muttered looking back down at his briefing pack, it was only then did he see how spread out he was. His briefing pack was littered on top of the crate in front of him. But it was also spread out on the seats to his left and right and on the floor. Maybe he was thinking too much into the mission information when he needed just to plan the first few steps that he knew everything about like securing the safe house and their fallen agents.

With a sigh, Jason rubbed his hands over his face trying to rub away the worry, stress and tiredness away.

"I just got a call from Captain Harrington…" Eric started drawing Jason's attention. But stopped as Ray joined them.

Ray, of course, had been watching Jason carefully as soon as the rest of the team had headed for bed. He was timing his friend. He had planned on going over there in ten minutes if Jason hadn't moved to his own hammock to get some rest but he had been glad that Blackburn had stepped in even if he didn't know why. As the two men talked Ray had been listening carefully in case any new information came up. He had watched Blackburn from his hammock and ever since they were at altitude as he had been glued to his phone speaking to someone.

As soon as Blackburn had mentioned Harrington's name Ray had quickly climbed out of his hammock, still with his book in his hand and sat down next to Blackburn so they didn't need to speak too loudly. All they needed was to wake Sonny up and they wouldn't hear the end of it.

As soon as Ray sat down Eric continued. "It seems that this op is more top secret than we first thought. It was just a C.I.A op until a couple of weeks when it became a joint up with us. However, unlike normal I was unable to get any information about our involvement; the only person who can read us in on the op isn't who I thought it was either."

Jason and Ray both looked at him waiting for him to tell them who he was going on about. "Who?" Jason asked after a couple of seconds of silence.

"It's Admiral Mason. He is the only person who can read us in on the op." Eric finished.

The news caused both Ray and Jason to look at each other in complete shock. They didn't expect that. Normally an Admiral didn't get involved in operations unless they were after a high-value target who had a lot of weight. Which meant the pressure was now on them, they needed to clean up the mess and somehow find out what happened in order to get the cake eater off their back. As they all knew that they will be demanding answers as soon as they were on the ground.

"It seems that Admiral Mason has some pull at the C.I.A and got the Navy involved however I don't know how." Eric admitted and allowed this information to sink in. Ray just looked as confused as Jason did.

"What exceptly did the Admiral say to Harrington and when are we going to be read in? When we land as that wouldn't give us enough time to plan?" Ray asked, still in a little shock. Whatever mess they were been sent to clean up went as high as an Admiral. Blackburn hadn't given them any more information but they knew now that the op was more likely even more dangerous than they first thought. And that worried both of him and Jason.

'Just what kind of mission was this that caused an Admiral to take a personal interest in?' Jason thought. Whatever was going on they needed to know and quickly if they had any chance of securing their objectives.

This time it was Eric who sighed and sat back in his seat before speaking. "Nothing. Hamington was told by Command that the Admiral is currently out of communicational range as he is on board the U.S.S George Washington in the middle of a war game situation. However, they have sent an emergency message to the ship informing him of the situation and they will get back to us when they know how to proceed."

Jason was now pissed, the only person who could give them the answers they couldn't contact. But before he could say anything Blackburn continued. "Look before Mason became an Admiral, Thomas Mason was a Navy Seal."

Now that confused Jason and Ray even more, but it did explain why they had been chosen to go in. If the Navy wanted their own mess cleaning up they normally called them.

"He was also a tier one operator until an I.E.D blow out his knee focusing him to return to the normal Navy. He only became an Admiral a couple of years ago however he is known to focus on Seal movements still. It also explains how he was able to get the Navy involved in a C.I.A op. Like us, he uses to work closely with a few members of the agency and he didn't lose those relationships when he left the Seals. And for him to be involved is telling me that he may know something that can help us work out what has happened to the rest of the team."

When Eric finished, they didn't speak. Ray and Jason were still trying to digest what they had just been told. Whatever secrets that wrapped around this mission like a straight jacket were locked by an Admiral who happened to be a former Tier one operator who they couldn't contact. 'Great'. Jason thought to himself. This didn't help him keep his team safe. However at the same time, it confused him, why would a former seal knowingly go off grid so he couldn't be contacted when an op was running that he was personally involved with?

"Get some sleep both of you. I will be waking you up in an hour and a half so we can go through the mission plan and do our gear checks." Eric said getting to his feet and moving off back to where his own kit was leaving Jason and Ray alone.

Jason sighed again and looked at Ray who was watching him carefully.

"This could all be a trap. They could be waiting for us as soon as we walk through that door."Jason admitted running his hand through his hair.

"It may be a trap but I don't think they would hang around after taking out four agents. They must know that we would find out about the attack so they would want to get away from the house as soon as possible and more so in case any of the neighbours called the police. They planned that attack well…" Ray stated, however, Jason quickly jumped in.

"It was a military-style operation Ray. They didn't stand a chance against these guys. Someone planned that attack as well as we would." Jason snapped. He knew he shouldn't have but everything was just getting to him.

"Really what is going on Jason? And I mean really? This isn't just about this mission is it?" Ray demanded. He always allowed Jason to vent and he could tell that his friend needed a venting section.

Jason sighed.

"We are a team of six Ray. A team of six but we aren't at the moment. We both know that both Alpha and Delta teams are at home and have all six members ready to deploy. So why Bravo? Why us?" Jason asked quietly.

Ray studied his friend. He sounded defeated almost. However, Ray could only guess what was going through his head. But he knew that leaving Clay behind was one of the problems.

"Clay knows that we still need to operate if we need too. He understands that and told us that he didn't mind. It gave him more drive to get back to us." Ray said quietly and softly like he was speaking to one of his children. Jason needed to be reminded that Clay was still with them even if he couldn't be there in body.

"I hate operating without the whole team, I know we have done it in the past but it doesn't feel right anymore," Jason admitted and leant back in his chair looking at his hands.

"Clay will be back with us soon. And when he does he will be driving us both mad. You remember how hard it was to contain both him and Sonny at the same time." Ray said with a small smile. Jason chuckled at the comment, he was grey not from his two children but from dealing with Clay and Sonny. Like he knew they were talking about him they both heard Sonny grunt in his sleep and turned to face him.

They both found themselves laugh a little bit more at that. "We need to get some sleep," Ray said getting to his feet and waited till Jason did the same.

"You tell Clay any of that, I will make your life hell," Jason muttered as he climbed into his own hammock.

Ray chuckled and climbed into his own hammock. He wanted to answer back but after getting comfortable he looked up and found Jason already fast asleep. He smiled. When he had looked for a new member in the Green Team draft he was immediately drawn to Clay. He couldn't explain why but he had. The kid brought out his father instinct and he knew that he wasn't the only one. Jason had started to act like the kid was his own at times.

He remembered when he had cornered Adam to ask him about Clay and got the low down at the kid. Adam had told him everything that he could read in the kid's file but also a few other points that he had worked out. The kid didn't trust easy and for him to open up to them as quickly as he did meant that he already trusted them. WHich was odd as they hadn't done anything for him to gain that trust but they had gotten it.

He was family, and as soon as they got back they would be there waiting for him to join them again. And Bravo team would be back to fighting form. But until then they needed to remain focused on the task at hand. Closing his eyes, Ray allowed himself to shut down. He needed to sleep and prepare for whatever this op would bring.


	6. Hitting the house

Chapter Six

Moan, moan, moan.

It was all they heard from Sonny when they had left TOC.

They had landed in a Turkish Air Force Base that was located close to the town where the safe house was located. With not wanting to give their pressures away they had chosen to work out of the plane as their command centre. It was small but it was the best opinion they had.

Everyone was tired as none of them had been able to get the sleep that they needed. One of the reasons why was the air turbulence that they suffered an hour before they landed. However, what didn't help was the very little information they had been told about their mission. Trying to plan a mission where they could complete each task that they needed to do without losing anymore was hard. Even after the initial planning and the rest of the team had gone off to prepare their kits, Jason and Ray both sat alone trying to plan the smaller details of the mission and how to keep their team safe.

Their plan was to hit the house by using the three vehicles to block their assault from view in case the attackers were still watching or inside the house. Silencers were needed as well. They had agreed to take Cerberus along with them, they would need his tracking skills to hunt down the last two men of the team. But it was hunting for two men that they knew little about and how they operated.

Jason knew that by having to take three vehicles meant splitting up the team. Thankfully they travelled with a support team of well-trained soldiers who needed to act as drivers. However, he didn't need to worry about them if they got into a contact as they could defend themselves. It was just the C.I.A agents that he wasn't certain about. He knew that the agents with them could handle themselves, Mandy had promised him that.

So as they left the base, vehicle one and the lead vehicle were Matty and Johnny from support who were in the front along with Trent, Brock and Cerberus. In the second vehicle, Archie was driving with Ray in the passenger seat. In the back was Jason, an annoyed and complaining Sonny and the leader of the C.I.A team Henry. In the last vehicle was Chris and Alan from support and the three remaining C.I.A agents Stuart, Graeme and Jake.

Jason didn't like the idea of two of his support team members alone with three C.I.A agents however he didn't like the idea of them being with his men either. Also, he didn't trust his men alone with the agents as with stress levels high he couldn't guarantee their safety. Mostly with Sonny.

Normally they would travel in two vehicles however part of their mission was to collect any intelligence that the team had collected on their target along with the agents' bodies and personal effects. Things that might be just normal things for others were the last objects that their loved ones touched. And that was everything for those they left behind.

However, halfway to the safe house, Jason was regretting having Sonny in the same car as him. Maybe he should have gone in the rear vehicle and left Sonny to Ray. Or maybe swap him for Trent or Brock however that wouldn't help. He needed to keep Sonny on a short leash. Sonny and CIA didn't normally go well together. And that was one of the main points of planning their mission carefully, they needed to keep Sonny from doing something stupid. So they were stuck with him.

On the other hand, it hadn't been his idea to have one of the C.I.A agents in the vehicle with them. That was Blackburn's doing and the only way to keep the agencies happy and make it look like they were working together. But it had learned a lot about the man who was in charge of the team. Well, all thanks to Ray's skill of getting on with nearly everyone. They had learned, after zoning out Sonny's mutters, that Henry had requested this mission as soon as he had heard about it. The main reason was because Richie had been a good friend and he wanted to bring his friend home. Ray respected that. In fact, they all did.

As they drove through the quiet streets of the town, Jason knew that they were all carefully watching the people as they passed. They still didn't know who had hit the safehouse, whether Zurkoff had found out about the op and chose to strike first. Or was it a terrorist or gang hit. Because of this, they were all in plain clothes with their vest underneath their shirts. Even though it made them sweat, they weren't going to go out there without them. They also carried very little gear and supplies. They needed to travel light as they knew that they might have to travel quickly and without being spotted. They had enough in case they ended up in a firefight but not enough to hold a position for very long without support. However, they weren't going unarmed. As Sonny would but it, they had been allowed to bring the big guns and the best hair missile in the whole Navy.

As they moved closer to the safe house, Jason finally snapped. "Sonny I swear to god if you don't shut up, when we get back home I will assign you to work with Green Team for a full week."

That quickly shut Sonny up mid-comment, a roar of laughter filled their earpiece.

After a couple of minutes, Trent was able to speak, _"I don't think Big Chief would go for that idea, plus that is not nice on the guys in Green Team boss."_ And that was followed by more laughter.

They all knew that Sonny hated when it came time for them helping with the Green Teams. He often complained very loudly. Most of his comments boiled down to him thinking that the new boys who had come onto Green Team thought they were ready to become team guys when they weren't. Too young and too stupid were two of the reasons why.

Clay had often asked if Sonny had thought the same when he was there, it wasn't clear if he was asking for just or was it some of the self-doubt that had started to creep into Clay's mind. Clay had grown up with the stigma that he was Ash Spencer's son and that got worse when he joined the Navy. He knew people saw him as a kid with an ego and he didn't care if people saw that. It was what it was hiding he had a problem with them seeing. Every single Seal hated his father for what he had done to the brotherhood. He had betrayed them. And he had suffered for it.

Sonny had said that he did for a while but, with a wink at Jason who often sent a cold stare at him from the other side of the room, he said that when they all suspected that Jason would pick him they started to get used to it. And when they finally got hold of him had started to get that out of him.

However, in secret, they had been glad that Jason had picked Clay and when they had been asked to break Spencer out of the SERE training, they knew that Clay was theirs'. But when they did, Sonny had seen something that he hadn't been ready for. The kid looked wrecked and that ego that they had been worried about had completely gone but there was something in the kid's eyes said that he had expected worse from them. Like he thought they would hurt him more. He hadn't been completely with it so Sonny hadn't thought much about it however as time went on he found that Clay never liked speaking about his previous missions with Team Three. None of them did, but often mentioned something when it was relevant.

After they had 'rescued' Clay from SERE training they had handed the kid over to Adam and two medics who were always there to check the men over after this training. Two hours later, they had heard that the kid had suffered a concussion, three broken ribs and a sprained wrist. Some of them had come from the crash at the start of the training but others were from the interrogators. Jason had personally cornered Adam and had almost demanded why the kid had been the worst out of all the lads who had survived the training. However, he also knew that it wasn't all Adam's and the instructors' fault, Clay should have said something if he was hurt but chose not too. That had annoyed Jason even more. A soldier that didn't disclose his injuries was a liability, and the kid had picked up a lot of bad habits which he needed to kick out of him.

When Jason had finally agreed to draft Clay onto his team, they all chose not to read Clay's service file. They hadn't wanted too, anything that happened in the past was in the past. They wanted to find out what type of man Clay was for themselves. It had been hard at first as the kid didn't seem to want to listen to anything they told him and always had a smart-arse comment to hit back at them. But he had gotten better, they all saw that. Clay was becoming family and they could see how Clay was moulding into a hell of a team guy.

Snapping back into the present Sonny heard Jason snap back at Trent, "Ok, that's it. Trent, you're riding with him on the way back." Jason was already suffering from the mother of all headaches and Sonny's constant moaning wasn't helping it.

"Shutting up boss," Trent replied, turning to look at Brock who grinned knowing that that meant he would be safe in the other vehicle away from Sonny.

Jason sighed and rubbed his face as they pulled onto the street where the safe house was located, it was only a stone's throw away from the market square. They would need to be quick hitting the house and they had no remove for error. They had to stop however to allow a group of civilians to cross the street, giving them a perfect time to ready their weapons.

"Games on boys. Me and Bravo two and three will be entering from the back, Bravo four and five along with the hair missile will enter from the front. All support team and C.I.A agents will remain in the vehicles till we clear the building." Jason called over the comms.

He heard each one of his teams acknowledge his orders as they started to move again, quickly vehicle two broke away from the other and entered the alley and quickly stopped outside the target building. At the same time, the other vehicles pulled up outside the front and positioned themselves to block the view from either end of the street. Jason, Sonny and Ray all climbed out of their vehicle and moved towards the back door. Ray to the left and Jason and Sonny to the right. However, as Jason passed Ray, he knocked his elbow as he got into position in order to get Jason's attention.

'What?' Jason mouthed; his gun was already aimed at the door ready. Ray then moved his body away from the wall and looked down at what had caught his eye. On the side of the wall as a smear of blood moving away from the door. They now knew that someone had been hit and had been able to escape. Which meant Cerberus was going to have to work for his bone today. They just had to hope that they got here in time to save whoever was bleeding. Jason nodded knowing that he understood Ray's motion and went to his radio.

At the same time, Brock along with Cerberus and Trent positioned themselves at the front door knowing that their support team would be watching their backs. Cerberus pulled against his lead and whining as he was told to wait. Brock knew that his partner could clearly smell the scent of death that was waiting for them as soon as they got to the door.

"Everyone in position?" They heard Jason call through the radio.

_"Copy that."_ Trent and Brock both answered and got ready for the breach order.

Jason waited for them to answer before radioing into TOC. "TOC this is Bravo One. Are we clear to breach?"

_"Bravo One this is TOC…"_ Blackburn's voice came through their radios.

_"You're all clear, ISR is showing no hostile movements at the moment but we will keep you informed if anything changes. However, we can't see if anyone moving inside the house so we can't tell you what you are about to walk into."_ Mandy reported. Jason guessed that the comms were on an open channel.

Taking in a deep breath, Jason looked at Ray before speaking again into the comms. "Copy that. On my mark."

Without needing to say it, he knew that his men were ready for anything. He only hoped that whoever had killed the agents hadn't wired the place to blow like what had happened to Echo Team. Jason couldn't stop his mind from going over what had happened to Steve and the rest of Echo team. Steve had come up with him and was like a brother and losing not just him but the whole team had affected them all.

Knowing that they could die at any moment was just part of the job, he knew he could be shot, stabbed, get hit by an I.E.D, have a parachute failure, be involved in another helicopter crash or be taken out by an S-Vest. Just like Adam. Everyone he knew and cared about was leaving him. In one way or another. Adam, Steve, Nate, Echo Team, Alana, Swanny and many more before them. He couldn't lose anymore, he didn't know if he could cope with losing anyone else. Nearly losing Ray and Clay was enough

Snapping back to present, Jason called over the radio. "One, two, and three...breach," and they went to work.

Sonny made short work of the wooden door and then they were in. The house was small however they had memorized the floor plans during the briefing and on the plane. On the way in Jason had clocked the blood trail that they seem to be following. Whoever had been hit had gotten inside enough to see what had happened and escape, but now he needed to focus on the plan. At the same time they had entered, so had Trent and Brock. Jason watched as their hair missile shot past Ray and made his way up the stairs barking, Brock had let him off his leash as soon as the hit order was given.

Cerberus knew the difference between family and the enemy. It was one of the amazing things about their four-legged teammate. Cerberus knew who was in his family and trusted his family to look after him. Brock had been worried about how Cerberus would greet Clay when he joined Bravo. However, he didn't need to be worried. Not after what happened. When Clay had moved into his cage it had only been him and Cerberus there. The others were off doing something else when Clay had moved in. Brock had carefully watched what his friend did around the new guy. But something happened that surprised him when Clay had finished unpacking and sat himself down inside his cage pulling out a book that was in some language Brock didn't know. Cerberus had been watching the new kid carefully and when Clay seemed to be locked away in his book did Cerberus start stalking the kid. Moving slowly without a sound ever getting closer. Brock just watched. He knew that Cerberus would never attack unless provoked or if he gave the order. Normally when Cerberus did this one of the others it wasn't till his wet nose had touched their skin did they realize that he was there but Cerberus hadn't gotten a couple of feet away from Clay did the kid look up.

All of a sudden Clay and Cerberus were locked in a staring competition, and for a change, it was Cerberus who blinked first. His four-legged friend happily trotted over to Clay and jumped up on a box, circling before settling himself before laying down and falling asleep. Brock had been shocked, his friend never had taken to someone as quickly as he had done with Clay. And that had been the reason why Brock had gotten on with the kid as quickly as he had done. If Cerb trusted him, then so could he.

Brock and Ray quickly followed Cerberus up the stairs onto the second floor, leaving Trent, Jason and Sonny to clear the first floor. Jason trusted Cerberus to shout if he found danger. Jason now had to focus on his task and that was to make sure none of the attackers were still there. And quickly Jason could guess that after the initial attack, the attackers had left and hadn't returned.

On the floor lay their four fallen agents, still in the position where they had fallen. The only thing that seemed to have been moved was the weapons Richie and Jimmy had been able to pull before they were hit. The guns had been kicked away from them but were still on the floor, the attackers hadn't even bothered to pick them up.

After they had made sure that they were alone, they dropped some of their guard. Jason turned after checking the kitchen was clear to see Trent had started to check each man's pulse. He had wanted to tell him that there was no point as it was clear they all the men had been killed during the attack but knew that Trent wouldn't be happy if he hadn't checked. Sonny, on the other hand, had started to check the bodies of the attackers that had been killed and left by their friends. He was surprised that Sonny hadn't just shot a couple of rounds into each of their bodies to make sure but like him, knew that they needed to save their ammo.

Jason just stood back and surveyed the scene in front of him. The men didn't stand a chance, two of them never had the chance to even pull out their weapons. They had been shot in the back. Never knew what hit them. Richie and Jimmy, however, had tried to take as many of them out as possible before they too were hit.

After a couple of seconds, Trent looked up from the last agent's body and looked directly at him. He shook his head and said clearly, "all dead boss."

Jason nodded and then his attention to the room, everything looked exactly the same from what he could see in the video. On the table where one of the agents had been killed at sat the two laptops. But now one was covered with blood and a blank screen and the was closed however what they both had in common was that they were both littered with bullet holes. Which struck him as odd, why would the attackers shoot up the laptops if they had been sent to get the intel? It didn't make much sense.

However then he looked more closely at the bullet holes, they looked like they had come from a small calibre weapon and not the automatics that they saw the attackers had. Which only meant one of the agents had been able to hit both computers in order to keep their whatever intel they had been able to gather a secret.

But before he could call up to Ray asking if they were done a noise from upstairs caused them all to freeze where they stood.

The sound of Cerberus barking and snarling.

Trent, Sonny and Jason quickly moved towards the stairs with their weapons raised up the stairs ready to move up there to help save their brothers. Cerb barking only meant trouble.

"Bravo two report," Jason called waiting for his second tell him what was happening and if they were ok.

Only silence followed. After a couple of seconds, Jason felt his heart move up into his mouth.

"Bravo two, what the hell is going on up there?" Jason demanded and motioned Trent to move up a couple of stairs as Sonny covered him but also taking a few of the steps.

After a minute, Jason took in a breath as Ray's voice filled the comms.

_"We're all good Bravo One. One friendly found. I repeat one friendly. It Warren Jones. We have the handler. I repeat we have the handler."_ Ray reported.

"Copy that Bravo Two, what's his status?" Jason asked nodding to himself that his brothers were ok. But now he needed to focus on their next stage of the mission. If Jones had been there when the building was hit, he knew that there was only a couple of reasons Jones would still be alive. He had been either he was hiding, playing dead or when the injured man had entered he had stopped the attackers from searching the house properly.

_"Gunshot wound to the abdomen but looks like a through and through. Bringing him down now."_ Ray reported and then they all could hear movement again on the floor above them.

Jason didn't need to tell Trent to get ready, his medic was already way ahead of him. Trent immediately moved away from the stairs and pulled off his bag that he had been carrying. It may not be his full medical bag like he would normally carry however it wasn't a small first aid kit either. He had designed the kit himself to tackle any injuries that he may have to come across. Moving to one of the tablets that were close to them he quickly started to set out what he knew he would need.

Jason let Trent do what he needed to do, he trusted his medic to do what he needed to do. It was why he had wanted Trent on his team. Trent was a straight talker when it came down to medical care. He had personally trained each of the guys to give aid when they needed too and had made sure that they knew the importance of telling the truth about their own injuries. Also, he didn't know another medic that would get so annoyed at someone that he would threaten harm if they lied to him.

Sonny hadn't moved from the stairs, just waiting to see his brothers again.

Jason moved away with Trent and had quickly pulled a chair so Jones could sit down before moving away to keep out of the way and grabbed hold of his radio. "TOC this is Bravo One,"

_"Bravo One this is TOC go ahead,"_ Mandy called through the channel.

"Breach complete, no hostiles inside. However, we have Jones alive. I repeat we have Jones." Jason reported. But then moved to the back door and carefully opened it, not wanting to statal his support team. He then motioned to Henry that he was allowed to enter. With a nod to Archie, he quickly headed back inside. He knew that Archie would relay his orders for the CIA team to come in to the house as when he re-entered the room, Stuart, Graeme and Jake had already entered the room had gotten to work.

Graeme made around started to collect the papers that littered the table in the kitchen and started to collect any material that were in the room. At the same time, Stuart and Jake had started to get ready to move their friend's bodies in order to get them home. Henry, however, entered the room and moved over were Richard Gomez's body was. His friend had died from multiple gunshot wounds to his chest, and Henry knew that his friend wouldn't have suffered as one of the rounds had hit his heart.

Jason watched Henry carefully. He didn't trust the CIA agents but understood their pain.

Henry bent down next to his friend's body and from what Jason could see started to pray. After he finished after a couple of minutes, Henry closed his friend's eyes. The one last thing he could do for his friend. Jason knew what Henry was going through; he had lost too many friends and knew the pain that the man was going through.

Jason just watched as Jake moved over to Henry and placed his hand on his boss' shoulder. Like he was telling him that it was time. Henry stood up and moved away from his friend and shook his head. He then moved away from his friend and started to look at the two laptops that were on the table. At the same time, however, Jason's attention turned at the sound of someone coming down the stairs. He turned to see Brock and Ray return carrying Jones between them. However, Cerberus was nowhere in sight.

Jason moved away from the CIA agents and moved to his team. Ray and Brock had helped Jones to the chair in front of Trent who immediately got to work on the agent. Jones was pale, but Jason knew that the man's paleness was due to the blood loss he had suffered. His white shirt was stained in his own blood and what looked like his tie which he had used to try to stop the bleeding.

"Mr Jones. I need to know if you know what happened here?" Jason asked standing to the left of Trent allowing their medic to work. But at the same time, he needed answers. At the same time, Brock had turned to finally notice that Cerberus hadn't come down with him and with a nod to Sonny moved back upstairs to find out what Cerberus was up too. Sonny moved to stand between the stairs and the back door, carefully watching the whole room. He didn't trust the CIA but did the support guys who he knew were just outside.

Trent had only just placed the man on fluids before Jones found his voice.

"They came to kill us. I don't know how but they knew where we are. They shot me through the door, I had been trying to catch up on some sleep but the shooting woke me up. I stood up and then the next thing I knew I was on the floor bleeding. They must have thought the shot had killed me because they didn't bother to come through the doorway." Jones said with a sigh and winced when Trent started to bandage his wound.

Jason nodded, understanding the man was clearly in pain and didn't have anything useful at the moment for him. "How is he, Trent?" Jason asked looking down at his medic.

"Through and through, looks like its missed everything important but can't be certain. I can start some antibiotics to fight any infection and some fluids to help. But he needs a real doctor. Best get him back to base and let them deal with him correctly." Trent said. He knew that Jones would need surgery to stitch up the internal damage the round had caused but also he hadn't been pleased with what he had found when he had checked over the wound. The skin around it was inflamed and hot to the touch, the sure signs of infection. Also, Trent had noticed some black markings around it, but he guessed that it had been a transfer from the man's hands as he had clearly tried to stop the bleeding.

"Ok, as soon as we are ready, vehicle three can take Jones back to base when the rest of us stay here and try to find out what the hell happened here. We still have a missing man." Jason said to the team but mainly to Ray who agreed with the plan. The CIA would be cleaning this house for a while so it gave them time to regroup and work out what had happened. Ray then immediately moved away from the group and called TOC to let them know what was happening and their plan.

But before he got too far he saw Jones turn to Jason with a confused look. "What do you mean missing man? Weren't they all here?"

This caused all of them to stop and look directly at the man. However, Jason knew that if Jones had been upstairs when the attack happened he wouldn't have known that his whole team wasn't there. But oddly, Jones didn't look revealed at the thought of one of his men were missing. He was shocked at the news. But not pleased about it. Which confused him even more. If he had seen all of his men's bodies and then told that one of them could be alive he would be so happy that at least one of his men were alive.

Jason then shook his head to answer the man's question.

"When where the hell is that stupid kid?" Jones muttered rubbing his hand over his face, he didn't need to be told who was missing. He just knew.

Ok, they did not expect that. This mission was now even more confusing. They had a handler who seem not to care about one of his men. He showed really no concern that the rest of his men were dead and angry at the fact that one of his men was missing.

"Why did the stupid Navy have to get involved?" Jones muttered to himself, not really caring that stood in front of him was a team of Navy Seals.

Sonny, however, did mind. And before anyone could stop him he snapped back at the man. "And what the hell does that mean?" Sonny demanded.

Ray saw this and the anger that had been written all over his face and quickly moved in front of his brother to stop him from doing anything stupid.

Jones looked up, not apologetic about what had just said. Instead, he snapped back at Sonny but kept looking around at each of the men but his eyes were like a deer caught in headlights. They kept darting towards the exits and towards the CIA agents that were still busy cleaning up the mess.

"The Navy brought that kid onto my team, not me. I never wanted a Seal that I had to babysit. He wasn't even cleared for duty, he was still on medical leave. But some Admiral got around the rules to get him on the team, all because he spoke the local language." Jones ranted like he had kept all these things quiet for too long.

Ray stopped dead with his hand still on Sonny to make sure that Sonny didn't launch himself at Jones, but at the same time, Ray's mind was now working double time. There weren't many Seal with language skills and were off on medical leave at the same time. So an idea popped in his head that he hoped to god wasn't true. Because if it was, he knew that there was no one alive that would stop Sonny and Jason from killing whatever cake eater had okayed this.

But before anything else can be said, they could hear Cerberus' high pitched barking as he came back downstairs with Brock. However Brock had something in his hand, it was a t-shirt. A dark green t-shirt that looked like it had been in Cerberus' mouth as it had been in the dog's mouth. As Brock stood there with the shirt in his hand, Cerberus continued to jump up at his handler trying to take hold of the shirt once again.

"Just found this upstairs Boss," Brock said holding out the t-shirt like it was clearly something important. And the way Cerberus was acting, it was but it wasn't clear why.

"And…" Jason asked not getting what Brock meant by showing the wet t-shirt.

"Wait, Brock," Ray said and then turned to Jones who had been watching them carefully.

"What was the Seal's name?" Ray asked, but he knew the answer. It was the way Cerberus had been acting to the shirt that caused his gut feeling to become even more stronger. Cerberus always acted like this when one of their own was ever hurt, missing or something was seriously wrong with them.

Jones looked at Ray and he wasn't the only one. They were all looking at him and then at Jones. Brock knew that Ray had gotten the message about the shirt but understood that they needed to be told the truth, even if it killed them finding out. Jones, however, looked confused, he had expected for a Seal team who had been sent after him would have been told who they all were. That they would have been briefed on his now failed mission.

"Some DEVGRU guy who got hurt a couple of months ago. Clay Spencer."

They all froze and went silent. Even Cerberus stopped jumping up at Brock and sat staring at them all like he was pleased that they finally got why he was so upset and now could sit back and see what his brothers were going to do to get their boy back.

'Shit was going to hit the fan now.' Ray thought straight away and knew that now he would have to be the one that got in the way of Jason and Sonny before they did something stupid. However, he would make sure that someone paid for this.

"What did you just say?" Sonny said quietly as he looked directly at the man. They all saw his face start to grow redder and redder.

Sonny took in a breath and looked at Jason who looked as shocked as they all were. 'Yep someone was going to pay. And the cake eaters are going to suffer for it.'

However they couldn't speak to each other as the anger had started to build in each of them, only Trent continued to move as he continued to treat Jones. But then all of a sudden their radios came to life.

_"Bravo one update."_ It was Blackburn.

However that just made everything worse, Jason suddenly felt the rage grow even stronger. Someone was going to pay for this, one of his men had been sent on a mission without his knowledge and he had been lied too. His rookie, a kid that had only been with them just over a year was now lost in a country that he didn't know well. And to top it off, he had been injured again and was now almost certainly been hunted by the attackers.

But the main problem what they hadn't been told that it was Clay they were going after. They had been lied too. Oh yes someone was going to pay for this and he didn't care what the cake eaters said they were bring Clay home.


	7. Admiral

Chapter Seven

In TOC everyone was silent. No one made a sound or moved from where they stood. Their eyes all locked on the screen in front of them.

They had set up TOC, close to the stairs at the back of their C-17 near to the cockpit and where support normally sat. This allowed the rest of their support team to set out any equipment that needed testing or checking in case Bravo required it, also it allowed their medical team to set out their equipment in case they were needed.

However now everyone's' eyes were fixed to the scene that was showing the footage from the ISR. As Bravo breached the house, they all held their breaths. Waiting to see what was going to happen when the doors closed. After a couple of seconds of nothing, they all released the breath they were holding and moved off to complete their tasks leaving Blackburn and Mandy with Randy and Will alone at the screen. Randy and Will went back to what they were doing before the breach order was given. Thanking the lord that they didn't need to witness a repeat of the Echo hit.

Nowadays every time a team breached on a building or stronghold. And who could blame them?

Eric remembered when he had been called into Harrington's office along with the other commanders of their squadron; at first, he thought that he had been called in because of something one of his own men had done. With was common. But sadly it wasn't that, he wished now that it was. In that meeting, they were told the worst news any person could get. The loss of their brothers.

In the office, they found Deke on a link from Afghanistan. His face told them everything. They weren't going to like his news and then he told them what had happened. But sadly they weren't allowed time to grieve, not with a team down. Blackburn knew that with Bravo been the next team to deploy, their deployment time would more likely be brought forward. Giving them a chance to go after the people responsible.

He remembered watching the footage over and over again during the briefing and the pain increased as he watched as six men went unknowingly to their deaths. He knew that he hadn't been the only one who had his nights plagued with that nightmare. What he had witnessed would permanently scare all them. He may not be on the ground but they were still his brothers. And like all of them they had suffered loss before, they had lost friends and brothers but this time was different. Their brothers had been ambushed. Sent to their deaths on false intelligence, and the result. All six of their brothers were dead.

Eric knew that it would take them a long time for them to heal and move on from this. But now, what helped him sleep at night was the knowledge that they had gotten the people responsible for their brothers' deaths. They were either in the ground or in prison for the rest of their lives. However, he knew that they would all carry this pain for the rest of their lives.

Thankfully for them all, Bravo's determination was the main drive behind their result, they had been able to honour their brothers. And that was what he was thankful for. It didn't matter who they had to go through or around, they were getting justice for their friends.

Eric thought back to what could have happened if it had been any other team other than Bravo. They were the only team expect maybe Alpha that would have bent or broken the rules in order to get justice. Also if it hadn't been for Jason's stubbornness they would never have worked at what had really happened.

Hayes was sometimes like a dog on a hunt when it came down to it. He needed to know everything about what had lead up to Echo losing their lives. Also, he had to finish what Steve had started. It was what he admired about the man. The man cared about his men and would do anything to protect them and complete the mission they had been set. Eric couldn't think of a better leader for his team. Even if he drove him crazy.

As Bravo's commanding officer, Eric had gotten use to other commanders coming up to him asking him how he put up the Hayes crazy plans and stunts. However, half the time it wasn't just Hayes he had to deal with. Bravo was definitely made up of misfits. They all tested the boundaries of what they normally operated in, and sadly it was getting more and more common. So common that the top brass were starting to pick up on it.

To be truthful, most of the time Hayes drove him crazy with what he asked for or planned during missions, however, he trusted his team leader. Hayes was one of the best team leaders Eric had ever worked with. And thankfully what helped him keep his sanity was his calm attitude when it came down to dealing with Bravo's mad plans. It was true that some of Jason's plans were sometimes a little crazy or complete off book however they worked. And no one could argue with their results. They were one of the best teams they had.

Eric, however, knew that Jason had one weakness that if someone did want to hurt him, they would use it. And that was that he cared too much about his men. It wasn't a bad thing, Eric knew that because of how close Bravo was, was the reason why they had such a high success rate. However, it also made him worry about how close they really were. Bravo was a family that was true and that meant that they took any loss very personal. After losing Nate, Eric had seen Bravo struggle. However, it wasn't till they had brought Clay onto the team did Eric see Bravo bond as a true family once again.

Sometimes, Eric did feel sometimes like an outsider being an officer however there was a trust between them now that he knew was very important. However ever since Bravo had become more of a family, that feeling had nearly all but disappeared. There was a trust between himself and Jason that he was honoured that he had, Jason didn't trust a lot of people. They had a trust that went beyond commander and soldier, they were brothers. And the rest of Bravo also treated him the same. But it was that trust that also helped when he had to step in to hold Hayes' leash when it was needed.

But sadly for him, Hayes wasn't the only hot head on the team that he had to worry about. A lot of the time, he needed to stay close to the team in order to make sure that they didn't do anything crazy. Holding their leash was one of the phrases that he had started to use, and it wasn't just Jason's leash he needed to hold. It was also Sonny's.

And thankfully, he wasn't alone when it came down to dealing with the two hotheads of the team. And even more when he had to keep both of them on a short leash. He couldn't think of anyone who compared to Jason and Sonny when they were caught in a fowl mood. They were the hottest headed men in the whole of DEVGRU and sadly he had to deal with both of them.

Jason, yes was a hot head at times and as team leader, it sometimes made him worse. However luckily for him and his sanity, Jason knew that he needed to keep a level head when they were operating. Jason knew that when he was given orders it was normally for the best for the mission and his men. And more so when they came from him. Jason trusted him to make decisions for them when they were in the field but also they had an understanding of how each other worked.

Eric remembered when General Parsons had ordered Jason and the rest of the team to abandon Clay after he had fallen through the floor during the air raids. As soon as those words had left General Parson's mouth he knew that there was no way that Jason would follow those orders. He wouldn't abandon his men. Even if he was ordered too. Eric had also gotten ready to deal with the fall out of Jason going against those orders however luckily for them there hadn't been any. He could only guess but he had a feeling that Parson's probably didn't want it getting out that he had been willing to abandon one of their own in a hostile environment.

On the other hand, Sonny had no filter when it came down to it. If he didn't like the order he was given he would normally just come out and say it. Quinn was a hothead for sure, and with his fiery temper which caused anyone who had to deal with him a headache. Also trying to calm the hot-headed Texan was one of the most difficult things that he ever had to do. Thankfully, for him, and on occasion he had to get the guys to help him calm the beast.

When tempers were high he was thankful that he wasn't alone when dealing with the two hotheads. Normally when something had happened that had caused both hotheads to dangerously annoyed, Eric and Ray were left dealing with Jason who thankfully for them was the one who calmed down the quickest when the rest of Bravo dealt with Sonny. Ever since Clay had joined Bravo, Eric had seen the brotherly connection that had formed between Clay and Sonny. Something that Sonny needed even more after what had happened to Danny.

Clay wasn't afraid to get right in the hot Texan's face when it came down to it, with Trent and Brock both pinning him down into a chair or holding him, stopping him from doing anything stupid. The kid had changed Bravo, there was no doubt about that. And as time went on it seemed that Clay was able to calm Sonny down a lot quicker than before. However ever since Clay had been injured, at times, they had all seen sometimes Sonny's anger getting the better of him.

Thinking about Clay getting hurt brought back all the emotion that he had felt that night in Manila. He had heard about the first bombing but after receiving the call from Mandy he had thought that his men were all ok. But that all changed when he had gotten the second call, this time from Ray. He had only just returned to his office to update command on what he knew already when he had taken the second call telling him of the second bombing and that Clay had been caught up on it.

The news of one of his own men being hit always made his blood run cold. All Ray could tell him was that Clay and Jason were on their way to the local hospital and that it was bad. Without a second thought, he had slammed down the phone and ran through the base. He had made sure that he informed the base commander after flashing his ID at anyone he needed too, himself and two of the Naval doctors that were there headed directly to the local hospital. He had found Jason stood in the waiting room pacing the length of the room.

Sending the doctors in, he made his way to Jason. After a broken but detailed report on what had happened, Eric too made his way through the double doors to the A&E to get an update on his man. Leaving Jason in the waiting room was one of the hardest things he had to do, but knew it was the right call. Jason would easily get in the way of the doctors in order to stay by Clay's side. But he knew that it wouldn't be long before the rest of Bravo turned up, and knew that he would need a report on Clay's condition before then.

Sadly when he had entered the trauma room, he was greeted by a sight that haunted him. The kid was in a state, bloody and barely conscious. At that moment, he knew that they were lucky that Clay had made it this far. The kid had over twelve people working around him and on him. In the corner of the room, talking quickly and quietly were the two Naval doctor who had come with him and the doctor that was clearly in charge of Clay's care.

As Eric got closer to Clay, he took in the kid's whole body. He was covered in blood and had multiple shrapnel wounds over his entire body. But the worse thing he saw was the damage the blast had done to the kid's legs. They were a mess, however, he could tell by the heavy bandages that were wrapped tightly around his thigh. And sadly he had seen those types of injuries in the past, on other operators. Eric knew that if those injuries didn't end Clay's career it would be a miracle. Many of the soldiers who had suffered the injuries Clay had often ended up losing their affected limb and they had been warned that that objection might be the only one if Clay didn't improve.

When the Naval doctors had finally finished speaking to the doctors, one of them had come over to him and he had told the plan that they had come up with. Clay's injuries were too complex to deal with here and needed the specialist care that he would get in the States. So that had been the plan, to send Clay back Stateside. Eric knew that it was unlikely that Bravo would be happy about the plan as by the way the doctors had been talking that they had already put their plan in motion meaning Clay would be with them for very much longer. So it was unlikely that Bravo would get a chance to see Clay.

However, sending Clay away was their only hope for him to ever be able to operator with them again. They knew that Clay was in the best possible care which could only increase his chances of coming back to them. Eric had also said a short prayer as the doctors had wheel Clay to the helicopter pad that would transport Clay to the base where a medical plane was ready to take Clay home. And it wasn't the first nor the last time he had said a silent pray about the kid.

Life seemed to be set against the kid. The kid was too good and too young to face the painful reality of being medically discharged. Not only would Clay lose his career but also the only real family that he knew. The kid had the world against him at first, with the last name of Spencer caused him a lot of problems but he just brushed them off. He had fought until he had reached his goal and was now one of the best team guys he had met. The kid was Bravo though and though.

And that fighting spirit had helped Clay claw back to nearly operating standard. He was so close to coming back to them, and from the reports, Eric was getting from all the doctors and trainers, Clay was very close to been able to return to full duties. The Navy was also taking no chances with Clay's health it seemed. Spending more money than he could ever believe on one single operator. Sending him to a private rehab clinic, only brought him more hope that soon Clay would be able to return to them ready to operator once again.

But he knew that with Clay returning to Bravo that it may also open some old wounds. And not just for Clay but for the rest of Bravo. The last time they had seen Clay out of the safety of home was in Manila. In that street, hurt and bleeding. Operating again after an injury that should have killed him or caused him to be discharged was going to be difficult. But Clay had his support and from the rest of his family

But that was what they were, a family. They stood by each other, through thick and thin. Everyone knew that the team was close. And losing each other was their biggest fear. Whether that be through discharge, death or been split up. Remembering that they had come so close to losing each other still haunted them all. Commander Shaw had nearly achieved what he had set out to do. But thankfully they had fought through it, they could fight another day.

When they had returned home, both he and Jason had both agreed, along with the rest of the team, that Clay didn't need to know what had happened with Shaw and his plan to split them up. However, Clay hadn't been stupid and knew something had happened after he had left Bravo. Every time he had brought up Shaw's name they all went quiet and Sonny would mutter something under his breath before clenching his fists. In the end, Clay had cornered him in his office and pretty much demanded to know what he had missed. To give the kid some credit, Eric had to make sure that it was Clay and not Jason as the kid had acted the same as Jason did when he had found out about it. However unlike Jason, as soon as he explained everything that had happened including them nearly losing Ray, Clay had calmed down.

The kid amazed him sometimes. He often thought that Clay was a mixture of Jason, Sonny and Ray all in one. He had some of the same good and bad points from all of them. He was quiet and calm like Ray but dangerous when questioned. He had the loyalty and leadership skills as Jason but at the same time was loyal to a fault and would disobey orders in order to save a brother. From Sonny, he was laid back when it came down it down time but more importantly he was a Seal though and though. But he sure as hell had Sonny's temper sometimes.

However, when he had told Clay that it was one of his actions that Shaw was using in order to try to get them split up, he saw a glimpse of guilt. They all knew that Clay only did what he did in order for them not to start a war with China. And that his radio was useless to them as Clay had told them after the fact that he had removed the transponder chip that held their encryption. Not that Shaw cared about that. All he cared about was the fact that Clay had left his radio for the Chinese to get hold of. Not caring that his actions had saved not just Bravos lives but also the captured man and the machine they had gotten hold of.

After that day Eric had expected to come face to face with Jason when he found out that he had told Clay about what had happened with Shaw but it never happened. Clay didn't let on that he knew anything, he just avoided the topic as they all had been.

Coming back to the present, Eric moved to watch what was happening on Randy's screen. The intel that they had been gathering showed no new light on what had happened that caused their safe house to be hit. Randy had been able to get access to one of the satellites that covered the area, looking for any signs that may have been left and also covering Bravo's six from the sky.

Mandy had been on her phone a lot of the time, updating her bosses on their mission. Eric had a strange feeling that the CIA wasn't happy that the Navy was involved in cleaning up their mess. However, with the mission being a joint op, gave them clear access to get involved. But Eric found it a little odd to why command had asked for Bravo by name. They weren't an active team with a man down and he had asked for Bravo to have some downtime and then time to run drills hoping that with the rate Clay was healing that they would be ready to operator with a team of six. Then the sound of the radio broke him out of his mindset and he looked over to the radio.

"_TOC, this is Bravo One." _It was Jason. Mandy had made the trip from where she had been standing in only a few paces and she had quickly picked the radio and held it to her mouth.

"Bravo One this is TOC go ahead," Mandy spoke with her eyes fixed on the screen almost watching in case something had happened that they had missed, they hadn't seen the support team or the CIA agents react to any gunfire so the building must have been clear.

_"Breach complete, no hostiles inside. However, we have Jones alive. I repeat we have Jones." _ Jason reported. Both Mandy's and Eric's eyes both locked, they had not expected that. To find their handler in the building had taken them back a step, how had the man survived when the rest of his team minus one were dead. The man had luck on his side and now they just hoped that that luck had also rubbed on the last member of the team. But also at least them finding the handler now also saved them some work in looking for him and getting the last name.

However, before Mandy could ask about Jones' condition a shout ripped through the plane. They all quickly spun around to see what the noise was about. Walking up the ramp was Admiral Mason. Everyone expect Mandy quickly stood to attention and saluted. They had not expected the Admiral to turn up so soon. As far as Blackburn knew was the Admiral was still somewhere on the aircraft carrier. He did not expect him to appear so soon. He had hoped that he would have more information to use against the Admiral in order to get the information that they needed.

However, from what Eric could see of the man in front of him, the man looked tired. He could see that the man had two dark circles under his eyes. Something was clearly happening that he didn't know about. The Admiral quickly saluted back and barked the order for everyone to carry on as he made his way up to them.

As the Admiral got closer to them, Eric had been able to read the man's face very clearly. Which was surprising for a former Seal. The man was worried, angry and annoyed all at the same time. Which was odd. Normally Admirals did their best in order to hide their emotions and being a former Seal, Blackburn had expected not to be able to tread the man at all unless emotions were too high.

"Commander Blackburn, I want to know what the hell happened in that safe house?" The Admiral asked as soon as he had reached them and clearly, the man wanted answers now not later.

Mandy looked the man in front of her up and down. The man screamed Seal. She had worked with Seal for a few years now and knew that patience was not one of their strong points when it came down to the lives of their own. However, even she could tell that the Admiral clearly knew more than he was letting on. Of course, the message that had been passed through command told the Admiral about what had happened in rough form.

"All we know sir is that the house had been hit by persons unknown. Four out of the six members of the team are dead. They were the support members of the team. They were taken by surprise and never really had a chance. Bravo team have breached the house and have confirmed that the four members were killed during the attack but after searching the house they have found Warren Jones. The leader of the team, we are just waiting for the report on his condition but the fact that they hadn't yet must mean that he is alive." Eric reported.

The Admiral nodded, but then looked at the screen in front of him which showed the ISR footage of the safehouse. "And the sixth man?" He asked not looking at anyone but at the screen. Like it was his way of controlling his emotions before they got the better of him.

"We're not sure. We don't believe he was in the house when the hit happened but we believe that it is possible that he entered the house at the end of the raid but made it out as Bravo hasn't reported any other bodies." Eric said seeing the worry in the man's face. Now was not the time to go head to head with an Admiral.

At that Eric watched as Admiral Mason sighed and moved to sit on one of the crates that they often used as seats, the man was clearly comfortable on this type of plane but then again, the man in front of him had completed very similar missions to them and knew how to get comfortable. Randy had been about to get out of his chair to give to him but Mason shook his head and motioned him to remain seated. And unconsciously Mason had started to rub his left knee. Eric knew that it had been an injury to his knee that had ended his career in the Seals, and could only guess that it still caused him problems.

"Sir, I was told by Commander Harrington that you were the person that could read me in on this mission at length. We have a missing man Admiral and I need to know who he is in order to give us the best chance to find him." Eric knew that he was pushing the boundaries between their ranks however he needed to know what the Admiral knew. Like Hayes, he knew the dangers of misinformation and so did the Admiral. But that didn't stop him from doing it.

Normally he would get ripped into talking to any commanding officer like that and more so to an Admiral. But instead, Mason just sighed and rubbed his hands over his face like he was internally battling with himself. Mason then looked directly at Blackburn, there was a look in his face that worried Eric but he couldn't say with words why it did. However before Mason had a chance to speak, the radio came to life once again. But it wasn't Jason this time.

"_TOC this is Bravo Two."_ Ray's voice came through.

Eric lent over to take the radio from Randy who had passed him it. "Bravo Two, this is TOC go ahead."

However all the time he was speaking into the radio he was keeping an eye on Mason. He was closely watching his face, just in case, he saw something that told him something else about why this mission was so important to Mason. And why there were so many secrets involved with it?

"_Jones has a through and through gunshot wound to the abdomen. Looks like its missed anything important. The plan is to send him back to you in vehicle three with Chris and Alan. The rest of us will work out what has happened to the last member of this team and the CIA can continue to clean up this mess here." _At the end of Ray's report, Mandy moved away with her phone in hand, Eric knew that she was updating her boss.

However, there was something in Ray's voice that confused him. The report had been spotty at least and he guessed that something was clearly happening as he reported their plan. And then after Ray's last message, he would normally get a confirmation to double check that his report was heard. But there was none of that. Which was odd.

"I want to talk to Jones as soon as he arrives," Mason said, and Eric clearly saw the anger that was running through the man's eyes. He had seen that before in Hayes and Sonny plenty of times. Which Eric found a little odd, Mason didn't need to tell him that he needed to talk to Jones when he arrived. He didn't need to, he could easily speak to him when he arrived at the plane and he couldn't stop him. He outranked him. And from how Mason had sat, it didn't look like he was planning to leave any time soon.

"Sir.." Blackburn started to say but then thought better of it, he didn't need to annoy the one man who could give him the information that he needed and instead called into the radio, "Bravo One update."

He needed an update from his men. Mainly because this mission was getting even more confusing by the second. The man in front of him wasn't what he expected, but something he had seen before. He had seen men broken, injured and near death. However, from the reading that he was getting from Mason, it was as if the man had just lost a child and was blaming himself.

He had seen it in veterans who had allowed their own children into the armed forces and who had lost them. But from what he could remember reading and the file Mandy got was that Mason did have two children but they were both girls. One was a teacher in a school in Norfolk and the other a doctor who was working in Europe.

The radio was silent for a good few minutes before Jason's voice came through. And it didn't sound happy. "_God help you if you knew about this Blackburn."_

That caused Eric to take a step back, he was now even more confused. One of his friends had just threatened him and he had no idea why.

"Explain Bravo One?" Eric asked, wanting to know what his team had found out that made him so angry with him. However before Jason could answer, and with the line still open, he was joined by Mason who motioned for him to hand him the radio. Like Mason knew what Hayes was on about and wanted to tell the man himself. Eric handed him the radio and moved to the side so they wouldn't risk the radio cable coming loose.

"Commander Blackburn had no knowledge of this mission nor who was asked to take part. That decision came from me and it didn't come as an order. He chose to come." Mason said Eric could tell that the man was doing his best to keep all his emotions bottled up.

"_He wasn't ready to go back. Not without us watching his back. And not for some godforsaken CIA mission." _Hayes angrily said. Eric could tell that the man was very close to shouting his response but was able to keep it together.

However he didn't need any more information, he knew why Hayes and clearly the rest of Bravo was so annoyed. Their sixth man was one of their own. It was Clay. It made sense now why command had sent Bravo on this mission and not another team. They were been sent after one of their own.

Blackburn could feel his own anger getting the better of him like he knew Jason would soon be if it wasn't already. One of his own men had been sent into the line of fire without his knowledge. And more angrily that the man who had been sent was not even cleared to return to active fieldwork. He was still healing and now this had happened.

Eric quickly said a silent prayer hoping that they found Clay alive. Because if they didn't he would do everything in his power to end the Admiral's career, that was if he could successfully stop Bravo from killing the man.

"He agreed to the mission, and he was cleared by the Naval doctors to work it. Yes, he isn't ready for battlefield operations but they cleared him for this. Hayes, I promise you this was meant to be a simple intelligence operation." Admiral Mason then said, to Eric, it sounded like he wasn't just trying to convince Hayes but himself.

"_Yer well looked how that turned out. Four men are dead, Clay's missing with a gunshot wound and he thinks he's alone." _This time it was Ray who spoke through the comms, Eric had a feeling that Jason's emotions were either getting the better of him or he was dealing with something that they weren't aware of.

At the news of Clay possibly been hit, Eric saw the Admiral's face turn grey. Right there and then, Eric knew that there was something going on between his rookie and the Admiral. The man was clearly worried about what had happened to the man but Eric couldn't work out what the two had in common. Or what their connection was.

After Ray had finished his comment, Eric had watched the Admiral walk away from the radio. Like he didn't want to hear anything more. It was almost if the anger that the team was protecting towards him was making the emotions that he felt already. The Admiral had moved to the seats that lined the plane and sat in one close to a window but far enough away from the other soldiers that he would be left alone.

"Admiral, I need to know…" Eric started to say as he took a seat next to the Admiral however he was interrupted before he could finish his sentence.

"Why Clay agreed to the op?" Mason said looking up and met Blackburn's eyes. Eric could see the worry that was clearly visible in them. He also found it odd that an Admiral would address one of his men by his first name. Which only told Blackburn that Clay knew the Admiral long before the man had come to him, that there was a back story there that he didn't know or wasn't seen.

Mason sighed and rubbed his hand over his face before turning to make sure that no one was watching them before speaking directly to Blackburn.

"I served with Clay's father Ash. The team was close so I got to know Clay whenever the team's families got together, or whenever they would come to visit us on base. He was a stubborn kid back then too but a good one. Had a drive about him that I knew would make him into one hell of a Seal. Of course, Anna, Clay's mom never liked the idea of her son in the armed forces and made it known to everyone that she didn't want him following the same path as his father."

Eric was taken aback about how open the Admiral was being to him, he kicked himself for not putting two and two together. He should have looked more closely at Mason's record when it came to him being an active Seal. He knew now that if he had he would have seen that the dates matched up with Ash's record. However, the Admiral wasn't finished.

"But after his mother died, Clay was sent to Africa to Ash's parents, Ash wasn't willing to give up his career to take care of a one-year-old so he was shipped off. I didn't really hear from him again till he came to me about enlisting. Helped him make sure he was fit enough to get in and when he did, I kept an eye on him. We both knew that he was going to suffer for being Ash's kid so we kept our relationship secret. He didn't need to be known as Ash Spencer's son with a godfather who was an Admiral."

Eric felt his mouth drop open, that he did not expect. He would never have guessed that the man in front of him was Clay's godfather, or that Clay even had a godfather. That explained a lot about why Mason was so worried about Clay however it still didn't explain why Clay would agree to an op where he would be alone away from his brothers.

Mason sighed and ran his hands through his hair as he lent over to allow his elbows to rest on his knees.

"I visited Clay in the hospital after he was hurt in Manila. Whenever Swanny left him, I would check on him and keep in touch with the doctors about his condition. When he got released we kept in touch. I knew he was eager to get back out there and with all the reports I was getting from his doctors I knew that he was so close to being ready. But I could tell his confidence was knocked. He was worried about risking his brothers' lives if he went back too early so when this mission came up I called in a few favours in order for him to get back in the game. Jones' case wasn't going anywhere, and a friend of mine in the agencies had asked for some help. And Clay fitted what they were looking for nearly 100%. However, I knew that he wasn't signed off for field work so I made sure that his orders were to observe nothing more. He was not to engage, the whole mission had been designed to observe Zurkoff. The doctors cleared Clay for that. He was ready."

To Blackburn, it sounded almost as if Mason was trying to convince himself that Clay had been the right person for the job but also telling himself at the same time that Clay was after all a Seal. However, he could tell that at the same time he could tell that the man in front of him was worried that he sent one of their own to his death because he wasn't ready.

Eric knew that there was nothing he could say to the man to help him deal with the guilt that he was dealing with. However, understood what Mason was getting at. When a Seal returned from injury, it was always hard for them to return as returning meant they needed to face the fear of being injured all over again. Some cracked under the pressure and others rose to the challenge. However, the teams always looked after their own when they returned and they would again.

Clay had been frustrated about his body not been able to heal as quickly as he wanted it too. Blackburn had been told on occasion from the doctors and Lucas was that they were worried that Clay was pushing himself a little further than they would like. Clay was bored, everyone could tell that but at the same time, he knew that the kid was also worried about not been able to return to his brothers.

Mason had given him a way to test himself to see if he was ready to return and this way he could do so without risking his brothers' lives. However, that wouldn't help everyone now. Clay's mission had failed and now he was injured in a country he didn't know.

"Bravo will find him, sir. You can count on that." It was all Eric could think about saying to the man, he could see that the man cared about Clay however they had a job to do and they all needed to remain focused on their jobs. Standing up Blackburn left the Admiral to his thoughts. He needed work on the new information that they had gotten but also try to find out where Clay would have gone for help.

"Blackburn, one of the CIA agents who has been monitoring the police radio channel in case something was mentioned about the hit on the house, has picked up something that I think is related," Mandy called as she hurried over to him, the Admiral also had gotten to his feet to join them.

"Go on," Eric said as Mandy nodded and motioned Will to pull something up on the screen for them all to see.

"We have a report of a murder happening in a small doctor's office not thirty minutes from the safehouse. The intel that I have say that Doctor Aksoy was a confidential informant for the Warren Jones. And they have worked together in the past. He has been working for the CIA for a while so in theory if Clay needed help, he would go there." Mandy said pulling up the photo of the doctor's office. It was a small building but they could see that it was disconnected from any other building.

"What did the police channel say?" Mason asked looking at the scene. Finding that Clay had been arrested would be a whole lot better than him missing and possibly in the hands of Zurkoff.

"One body, a local police officer was able to ID him. It was Doctor Aksoy, he had been shot through the head. Also, it looks like he had been treating someone, there was evidence that he had been patching someone up before he died. Also a local says that she saw at least ten men exit the building with another man who looked like he had blood on him." Mandy said sadly, she knew what that meant. That it was now more likely that Zurkoff had hit the safe house, killed a doctor and had taken Clay.

"We need to tell Bravo," Eric muttered rubbing his hand over his face. They weren't going to like it but they had no choice. They were dealing with a captured Seal now and that meant everything else was off the table. They needed to get their man back.

However before they got a chance to pick up the radio, the sound of a phone beeping filled the silence.

Eric and Mandy turned to see the Admiral pulled out his phone and look at the screen with disbelief. Eric had been about to ask the Admiral what the matter was but Mason had already looked up. A new emotion was in his eyes however it was mixed with another. Relief and pure anger.

"It's from Clay."


	8. A little Revenge

Chapter Eight

Hit. Punch. Question. Punch. Repeat.

Clay couldn't help himself but repeat that to himself as Zurkoff's men questioned him. It was the same thing again and again. The same bunch of questions followed by the beating. What did they know? What were they doing here? How did they find him? Who told them about his meeting? Who betrayed him?

Clay was also suffered from a real Sonny moment and had found himself admitting that he was getting bored. He had chuckled to himself in one of the few breaks they had allowed him to have from the questioning; he knew that he was in serious trouble however he couldn't help himself.

Sitting there, taking the beatings he had allowed his mind to fall into his safe place. He had been trained to survive torture and this wasn't his first rodeo. Sadly he had gotten use to going to his safe place when he needed too. It was his way of surviving all the trauma that haunted him.

As they had dragged him from the truck and into the building he allowed his mind to become calm and focused on his surroundings. He needed to gather as much detail as he could. Anything that would help him in the future. He also knew that he needed to trust his training. He had been trained by the best and he had to trust himself and his training wouldn't fail him.

All his focus was now on revenge. He had promised himself that he would make sure that Zurkoff paid for his friends' deaths, that he would suffer worse than what their families would. Justice would be served.

He wasn't leaving until it was, whether that be in a body bag or not. He didn't care anymore, he knew that escaping would be near impossible as he had no exfil. He was alone and even if by chance he was able to escape, Zurkoff's men would be after him within minutes leaving him very little time to travel to the nearest safe place.

After another hour of questioning, they had finally had enough of him it seems as they left him alone. Normally, at least one of them had remained with him, whose role it was to make sure that he was still breathing after another beating. Once he had passed out and nearly had choked on his own blood that had been running from his nose ever since they had broken it. He could feel the break however thankfully after witnessing him choke on his own blood they had taken their focus off his face and onto his chest, arm and left leg. Oddly they had left his right leg alone. Clay hadn't put much thought into it at first but now thinking back he could remember Zurkoff telling his main interrogator to watch his right leg. Like he knew that there was a previous injury there. However, how could he possibly know about his previous injury? He didn't work with a limb, nor showed any signs of the injury. And yet he knew.

Looking around his dark, damp cell, all Clay could smell was the rusty metal smell mixed with oil. He knew that he was in a clearly run-down warehouse, which had an upper landing and where he was currently at. His cell was the last room on the landing and had a small window on the wall that overlooked the warehouse floor.

Thinking back to his briefing pack that he had read on the plane trip over, he remembered the lone list of buildings that Zurkoff was known to use. The list had been over four pages long, however, Clay had worked out roughly where he was. Out of the list of possible warehouses, he had narrowed the list down to three due to the location where the safe house was. However, as he couldn't hear the sound of the sea and had been conscious from the car ride he had worked out that he was in an old car factory which stood about thirty minutes from the safe house. Which meant he didn't need to worry about civilians getting in the way when he took his chance.

When they had dragged him through the warehouse, he remembered seeing hundreds of crates that lined the whole warehouse. A lot of the crates had markings on them saying what they were, some even had the explosives warning stamped all over them. At least he had found out where Zurkoff stored his weapons before shipping them after a sale. However, sadly he knew that this wasn't the only one Zurkoff would have in the country which meant there were other stockpiles of weapons ready to be used against innocent people.

As they had dragged him up the stairs, he could choose to try to count how many soldiers Zurkoff had in the warehouse. Many of them looked like they had lived in the streets and spent no time in the military however that still made them loyal to Zurkoff. He was outnumbered and knew that there was more likely deeper into the warehouse.

They had secured him tightly to an old metal chair that had been placed in the centre of the room. Clay had been surprised that it had taken his body weight but it had. In its lifetime, the chair had been painted a dark grey colour over its original red. He could tell this as all over his clothes and skin were the paint chips that had transferred from it as he moved his body to take the next blow.

Clay could feel his ribs move with every breath. They had fractured or broken his ribs in multiple places and knew that if they continued on their routine, he would end up with a punctured lung. And it was very unlikely with how helpful he had already been that Zurkoff would bother with a doctor since he had killed one doctor. Clay just hoped he didn't get another else killed. Every breath was like a flame was burning throughout his whole chest.

They had also 'nicely' avoided his gunshot wound, however, he knew that the only reason that they had avoided it was because they wanted to keep him alive for as long as possible. But Clay knew that the longer this went on the more aggressive his captures would become. And as they hadn't gotten any answers from him so far, they would likely start using more painful forms of torture. So far it had been beatings with either a fist or someone's foot and on occasion a metal or wooden bat.

However he trusted his training, he was trained to fight through anything. But everyone had a breaking point. He just hoped he could do what he needed to do before he reached his. One of his own weaknesses was that he took every loss personally, even if he knew that it wasn't his fault or anything he could do about it.

Adam, gave his life in order for him and the rest of Bravo to complete their missions. He left a wife and young daughter behind who now had to move on with their lives without their father. He was such an amazing man and an incredible teacher, but to Clay, he was like a father to him. There were only a few people who shaped him into the man he was today, and Adam was one of them.

Brian had been the only person who saw the real him. And he wasn't afraid to tell him when he was being a bit of a dick. He had shown him that he didn't need to be so guarded around people and feel like he didn't need to be someone other than himself. However, he had been dealt a bad hand in life than him and yet he had turned it all around. He had joined the Navy and had made himself a better life. He lived and breathed Navy. But in the end, it cost him his life.

Another person who changed him was his old commanding officer from Team 3. Richard had moved past his surname and seen him as the Seal he truly was. It had been him who had pushed him to be the best, be better than his father and had become his biggest support. He also had turned him into a future leader and had joked that he was just getting him ready so he could retire and leave his team in good hands. He often spent his time off with Richard, training and working on operational plans. He was always welcome at his family's table. And they had become his family. However like often, those who he loved and called family always found a way of leaving him. After Richard's death, he had left Team 3 and had gone for Tier One. Some said he ran from the horror of what happened and maybe that was true however it felt wrong to take his friend's place when he knew that he wasn't ready to lead anyone yet. So he had left his old team and had found another family who accessed him as Richard had but not to how Richard did. Nothing could replace him and he didn't want too.

Tommy was one of the few men growing up that cared about him as a father should. He remembered him even as a little kid and when he had been sent to Africa, Tommy would often write to his grandparents to keep them updated on his father. As Ash never bothered to let them know where he was or how he was doing. When he returned for trips to visit his father, it was often Tommy who picked him up from the airport as Ash was either too drunk or had forgotten him. Tommy had always turned up to the airport in case Ash forgot and Clay wasn't just stood there waiting for hours.

His grandparents had been the only parents he had ever known. After his mother died, they had raised him the best they could. Ash was just his father on paper. He sometimes couldn't believe they were Ash's parents. His grandparents were all heart and cared about everyone they came in contact with. They would bend over backwards for anyone in need. They were truly his heroes.

His grandfather was the quietest man he had ever known. He spoke only when he had something important to say and when he spoke others listened. It was also from his grandfather where he got his love for languages from. On record, his grandfather could speak over thirteen languages and could speak a few others however not enough to pass as speaking the language fluently. To his standards anyway, a lot of people would say he was good enough to say he was fluent however he never would. He was too modest for that. However, he always knew what to say to him when he felt like he was alone in the world. That he was special.

His grandmother, on the other hand, was the one who knew what to say to make anyone happy or see the beauty of life. She was kind, thoughtful and cared around everyone. She had been a nurse when she lived in the states and had carried that on when they had moved to Africa. She often would patch up everyone who had gotten hurt from scrapes and cuts to bullet wounds and machete attacks. The woman was an angel and couldn't find a bad word to say about anyone. However, in the end, her kindness was her downfall but that didn't stop Clay from loving her. It was what he wished he could do, see the beauty in everything however his mind had been broken with how much pain he saw in the word and the hatred that he knew was there. Something that he wanted to help destroy and his grandparents gave him the fight to do so.

Growing up in a missionary, made Clay become the man he was today. He had the drive to help people in any way he could, and with his line of work, he knew that he was making a difference. Even with the danger attached to it. However, he never liked speaking about his time in Africa, due to a number of reasons which he kept to himself. One of them being the only reason he was sent back to his father was when the violence got too bad. He could escape when many of his friends couldn't. And every single time he would return to find two or more of his friends were dead. However, his grandparents always told him that those that they lost were never truly lost to them as long as they remembered them.

However, Clay hated thinking about the past. And quickly made his mind change the subject, he couldn't dwell on the past. He knew that he would drive himself mad if he did.

Instead, Clay thought about his new family and wondered what each member of his team would be up to now. He had a clear idea of what each member was up to and only wished that he was there with them instead of here.

He knew that if he wasn't working, Ray would be with his family. Possibly playing with Ray Jr who had just started walking before he left and had already started to cause his parents a real headache as he seems to like putting anything he got his hands on in his mouth. When they had gotten together for a family barbecue, little Ray had been happily placing his father's phone into his mouth until he had accidentally called Harrington with baby talk. That had been a very funny conversation when Jay had to explain that. Or he would be helping Jameelah with her homework, the kid was smart and often Ray would ask him to help her with some of her subjects. Being the only member who spoke more than three languages, he was often the language tutor. When she had started Spanish, he was the first point of call for Ray.

Brock and Cerb would more likely be training hard at base, showing all the other handlers and pups up. Cerb was one of the best dogs in the Navy and loved showing off his skills to anyone who would watch. However, on their days off, there were two things that Cerb loved to do. One was lying flat on his back with his feet in the centre of it to stop anyone else sitting on it. Normally with Brock and his girlfriend, Katie sat on the floor watching a movie or TV. The other was running, Brock and Cerb trained hard and enjoyed exercising. It was their escape. However, Clay also remembered Brock telling him that Cerb was coming close to needing his vaccinations which he got every year. Cerb and the vets were never a good mix and for a dog who would risk his life fighting off terrorists, he hated and was scared of the vets. Even mentioning the word caused Cerb to growl and snarl.

Sonny, on the other hand, was more likely in the closest bar or a strip club. That was if he wasn't at the gym where he was most likely to be during the day or with Lisa. Those two seem to think he was stupid or dumb or both. He chuckled to himself at the thought of those two together. They were the perfect pair and knew that he could trust his brother with her as she was one of them. Even as an officer. She could put up with Sonny's mood swings and deal with his love of deployment. She was the perfect woman for him as she wouldn't put up with any crap from the hot-headed Texan.

Trent was more likely with his second wife Amber. She was a teacher at the local school and like Naima was a woman who put up with a lot. The two would often spend their weekends off just enjoying life. They would often go away camping or just spent time together at home. Like Naima, Clay would say that Amber was Trent's better half. However, if Trent was one base, he would likely be working on improving his medical kit that he took away with them on a mission or improving his knowledge on the newer techniques in field medicine.

Jason, on the other hand, was hard to think about what he was truly up too. With Emma and Mikey both off doing their own thing, he knew that Jason wouldn't be likely on his own or if he was, he was working on either his truck or on-base working on a mission brief or help plan a mission for another team. However, he also knew that his brothers would allow him to fall back into the dark depression that he had done so in the past. If Jason could he would head to Ray's or remain on base in order to keep busy.

God would he love to hear Jason's rant at him for taking this mission without them, or Ray giving him so fatherly words of advice after slapping him a couple of times over the head. Or Sonny's hot-tempered explosion that made him famous. He wouldn't care if they were all so angry at him that they beat the crap out of him, all Clay wanted was to hear his brothers' voices one last time or have them with him. He missed his family and right now he would give up operating altogether in order to see them again. But he couldn't think like that now, he needed to focus. He needed to get out of here, and soon. He needed to make Zurkoff pay.

Falling the ropes that tied his arms to the metal he found that he had a little slack in them, he only guessed that he had tensed his arms when they had tied them and now he was somewhat relaxed they had loosened. As now he could move his arms slightly he moved his fingers around to feel the metal under the armrests. And thankfully his fingers ran across the sharp metal, his fingers burned as he felt the metal cut into them. If it was sharp enough to cut him then he could work on the rope.

For the next few minutes of quickly rubbing the rope across the metal, he started to feel the rope give away as he cut through it. However, doing this made the rope rub deeper into his skin to which it had already cut. But he could stop. After a few more minutes he felt his right wrist become free. Without even looking at what state his hand was in Clay started work on freeing his left. He didn't know when his new friends would be back and he couldn't risk having to fight off four fully able men right now. He would lose that fight too quickly and make too much noise. No, his plan needed him to be silent.

And he didn't need to work long. His left wrist soon became free and with one quick look at the door, he slowly got to his feet. Thankfully they had not bothered to tie his legs, which meant he didn't need to worry about having to untie them. However, that hadn't stopped him from getting serious pins and needles in both of his legs but his right was the worse. With his old injury he knew that he would more likely have problems with his leg however didn't expect it to happen so soon.

Clay's eyes flickered towards the window and door. He only had two options to choose from in order for him to escape. The window was so off-limits as it was a straight drop to the warehouse floor and he knew that he wouldn't survive that. But the door wasn't safe. He knew that there was an armed guard just stood outside which meant that he needed to work out a way to get the man in the room without calling for assistance in order for him to take him out quietly. But it was his only option.

Making sure he knew what to do, he kicked the chair that he had been tied too before moving behind the door. The chair had hit the floor with a crash, not too loudly that it would alert everyone but enough for the door to fly open and the guard to enter. The man stood a little shorter than him but that didn't matter. The man didn't stand a chance, one minute he was staring at the overturned empty chair and the next thing he knew Clay had his arm around the man's neck. Without a second thought, Clay snapped the man's neck however didn't allow the body to fall immediately. He needed to be quiet.

Slowly he lowered the man's dead body to the floor, turning it so he could see the man's face. He looked younger than him but Clay knew that the man would easily kill him if he was ordered too. He was a soldier and at the moment he was the enemy. However he couldn't focus on that now, he did what he needed to do and now it was time for the next step.

Pulling the man out of the jacket he found a little difficult, he was a dead weight after all. Luckily for him, the man had light blonde hair and had a similar build to him. That would allow him to hide for a little bit and he wouldn't look any different from afar. The jacket was clearly an old armed forces one, however, didn't have the markings of which country it was from. Inside the pocket, Clay found a packet of smokes with lighter, a set of keys (one of them clearly a car key), a mobile phone, a couple of euros and a pack of chewing gum. Leaving the items in the pockets of the jacket, he carefully pulled on the jacket, carefully watching his wounds as he did so. However, he couldn't help himself hiss as the jacket touched his forearms. He kicked himself for forgetting the small burns that littered his arms from their cigarettes. Smelling his own skin burn was one smell he never wanted to smell again.

But focusing back on his task, Clay ran his hands over the man's body. He picked up the man's gun which was a simple GSh-18 Russian, however, a good gun. He checked the number of rounds and found a full mag with one in the chamber. Placing it down the back of his trousers, he caused the man's trouser pockets and found a small but sharp pocket knife which he also pocketed. After making sure the man was clean, Clay knew that he needed to get out of there now before the guard got changed.

Without a single pause, Clay slipped out closing the door behind him and quickly checked what he was going to face. Looking down at the warehouse floor, he saw it at height of activity. Soldiers were moving around, taking and moving crates. It looked like they were either moving stock or getting rid of it. However looking closely at the men below him, Clay spotted the man clearly giving orders. Zurkoff.

However, he couldn't make a move against him in the open. It would be suicide.

With a sigh, Clay started to walk across the landing hoping that he didn't meet anyone. He needed to escape so when he reached the bottom of the stairs, he quickly slipped into a corridor but then stopped. Thinking back to something that bothered him. How did Zurkoff know where to find them? The only people who had contact with the outside was him and Warren. And then he froze. He didn't remember seeing Warren's body with the others which meant he couldn't have been there. Had Zurkoff captured Warren?

If his handler was here then he needed to find him or at least make sure that the man wasn't. He may not like the man at all however if someone outside the agencies had come in and took control of his mission he would be pissed as well. But the man clearly cared about his job and his missions and for him to suck it up and deal with what he was given, Clay had respect for him.

Quickly and quietly Clay made his way down the corridor that he had entered and as he passed each door he quickly checked inside. The lighting in the corridor and in the rooms was terrible however he could tell that like the building had been left in disrepair and left to rot. However there were a few that looked lived in, one such room had six beds set up in it. But as no one was in it, he just moved on. That was until he nearly had reached the end of the corridor and something caused his blood to run cold. Voices. Two of them moving towards him.

Without a second thought, he quickly opened the door to his left and slipped inside closing it as he went. He moved to the side and placed his hand on his weapon. He needed to be ready in case he had to act. He was so focused on the voices he didn't bother to look at what was in the room he had just entered. He couldn't, not with the voices growing louder. They were both speaking Turkish and from what Clay could understand through the door, they were complaining about the workload.

Clay could feel himself hold his breath as the two voices moved closer to the door. He also could feel his heart in his mouth. It was racing against his teeth, he could feel it. And as the men past the room, he prayed that they didn't enter the room or come back to check the room. But thankfully they didn't. They passed the door and then made their way down the corridor in the direction of which he had just come. It wasn't until he couldn't hear the men's voices did he finally allowed himself to breathe. He was safe for now. But he didn't know for how long.

But first, before he could do anything he needed to get his heart rate under control. He was too jacked up to be able to think straight and he needed too in order for him to get out of here. He allowed his body to fall against the wall he had been stood and started to take deep long breaths.

It was only then that his eyes scanned the room he was in, it was dark. The light was terrible however he could see the layout of the furniture. The room he was in was an office like room with a large table in the centre of it. Chairs were dotted around it however the layer of dust that covered every surface told him that this room wasn't used much.

However then his eyes noticed something odd, he could see that the centre tablet wasn't as dusty as the rest of the room and the papers that littered it were recent. The dust had yet to form a thin layer on it like it had been put there in the last few days or so. Slowly and when he felt his heart rate was back to normal he started to move deeper into the room. On the left wall lines desk after desk covered in dust and old bottles. On the right was a cabinet file that lined the whole wall, many of them were broken or had their draws hanging out. There were old posters written in Turkish, they were old. And a few of them were so broken down that Clay couldn't understand the words written on them.

As he got to the table he saw that the paper that he had seen when he had looked across were in fact a mixture of maps and documents. The documents were both in English and in Russian. However, as he quickly flicked through the pages he found things that shook him to his very core.

The maps that littered the tablet were building layouts, houses mainly, however, Clay recognized the layout. It was the layout of the safehouse. Clay had been talking to Jimmy when they had first arrived at the safehouse and after complaining about the fresh paint smell, he had told him that the house had just been brought by them and had only just been finished. For Zurkoff to have these plans meant that he knew they were coming and had gotten them before they had arrived or just after. Jimmy had also complained that the house hadn't even been fitted with the correct camera as the job had been rushed and they were going to be installed next week. And written in the corner was a comment about the lack of cameras. That confused him, only the team knew that.

Most of the documents were things he had already seen, information about possible Zurkoff storage units, his contacts that they had been able to find and a list of all attacks that they could link to Zurkoff's weapons. Information that should never have gotten into Zurkoff's hands. His file had come from Tommy, and he knew that Richie had gotten his information package from agencies. So Zurkoff must have gotten it from someone who had connections within the CIA. There was a mole and now Clay knew who it was.

He needed to get the word out as soon as possible. If he was right, then the damage could be a lot worse than four dead agents. Pulling out the phone from his pocket he opened it up. But who could he contact?

If he tried to call any of his team they would not likely pick up when they saw an unknown number. It was something that was ingrained into them during training, they didn't answer unknown numbers in case it was someone trying to find them. So his team was out, even Blackburn wouldn't answer. He doubted he could trust his father with saving his life. Ash would just use him to get information about the mission or say that he owed him.

And then he remembered Tommy, he remembered Tommy telling him that he was set to be part of a war game simulation and wouldn't be able to be contacted however promised that he would check in with him. Which meant all he could do was to text him something to Tommy. But what to say? He had no idea on how long of a text he could send so it needed to be short and something that Tomy would understand.

Then it popped in his head, one word that he knew Tommy would understand. One word that meant everything.

Quickly he typed in the word and hit send. Hoping that it would go through in time. Clay then quickly dropped the phone to the floor and smashed it with his foot. He could let it fall into Zurkoff's hands. Not only to protect Tommy's number and his message but also to stop him sending his government on a wild goose chase. He quickly kicked the remaining of the phone under the table. Hiding any evidence that he had gotten the word out.

Thinking back to what he saw in the warehouse, he knew what to do next. He was going to hurt Zurkoff. All he cared about was power, money and firepower. He was going to make him pay. Make them both pay.

Silently he slipped out of the room and quickly made his down the corridor and back towards the warehouse floor. Thankfully for him, he didn't come across any more of Zurkoff's men, and when he entered the floor he found it nearly empty. However, there was a lot of noise coming from outside.

Moving closer to the crates in order to keep himself hidden as he made his way down the line until he found what he was looking for. One crate had explosives written clearly in red ink and thankfully was already open. The soldiers must have opened it to check what was inside and had forgotten to secure it back shut. Inside were a lot of F1 Russian grenades. Blowing up the warehouse would hurt Zurkoff.

Pulling out a couple of grenades Clay knew what he needed to do. Quickly he moved towards the closest wall and started to get to work. Sticking the grenades to the wall was easy as the metal beams that held the roof were exposed and he found it very easy to place each grenade in a way that he could make sure that he had a line of fire. He knew that a single round would set the grenade off so he got to work. Placing multiple grenades in multiple beams, Clay knew that it would cause the most damage and more likely bring the roof down.

However, sadly his luck had run out as he placed the fifth one; a shout ripped through the building and Clay's automatic instinct was to hit the floor which was lucky as he was met by a shower of gunfire. Bullets were flying from every direction but Clay knew that he had to get away from the wall so quickly in a short second of silence he took his chance. He made a run for the crates and paid the price for it. He felt the bullet entering his shoulder and pass through it and out of his back but that didn't stop him.

And thankfully he did as a second later there was an explosion which shook the whole structure. The grenades had started to go off, five explosions ripped through showering Clay in hot shrapnel and debris. Pain ripped through his body, and he was certain that he could hear someone shouting. In his head, he could imagine Zurkoff anger as he watched his own men destroy his warehouse.

But Clay's plan had done its job. After the last explosion, the roof started to fall. He heard the pieces of metal hit the floor and bounce a little as it did so. The shouting became louder and the sound of people running became more clear. However Clay couldn't move, his body was too painful and moving even to breath hurt him. He didn't have to wait long for the darkness. It came as soon as a metal roof panel came smashing around him, sending him into the darkness once more.


	9. Traitor

Chapter Nine

Ray was now suffering from the mother of all headaches and Jason wasn't helping. His best friend had not stopped pacing since getting off the comms with Blackburn and the Admiral. The anger in the room was explosive, he could feel it growing and growing inside the very room they were stood in. They were all pissed off at the brass for allowing this to happen. And they would make sure that they knew it when they got back with Clay. And not before.

Ray knew that they would do everything in their power to bring Clay home with them alive, however, he knew in his head, not his heart, that there was a possibility that they may never find Clay or if they did, it was too late. He didn't want to believe it however it was their way of life. Their job was filled with danger and they knew that any day could be their last. He just hoped that Clay's days weren't over just yet. The kid had too much to live for, he was too young to die. However life wasn't fair, he had seen that too many times. But he had his hope. And maybe that was all he needed. Hope.

Falling back into the room, Ray watched each of his brothers carefully. Now they were joined by a couple of the support guys who were helping collect the personal effects and intelligence reports that had been left in the house. They had already bagged all four of the agent's bodies and had taken it out to vehicle one. They had agreed that it would be best that the locals didn't see them carry out bodies in the middle of the day. Thankfully the locals seem to not have informed the cops of the shooting or they would do this a little differently.

Jason and Ray had agreed that they would trust Johnny and Matty transporting the bodies back to the plane as they were the most experienced and could handle themselves. Not that the other support guys couldn't look after themselves, they could but they would be less worried about them than the others. Also along with the bodies, they would also take Jones back to the base so that he could get the treatment he needed.

As time got closer for the move, Ray saw that as Trent had finished working on Jones, he had called for Archie to bring the spare medical kit that they carried. Archie, like Trent, was one of the medics that was in their support team. Nowadays they made sure that their support team had enough medical staff with them on every mission; all teams worked with a crack team of medics and a couple of doctors however with Bravo they only worked with people they trusted. Doctor Reid had served in the Navy for over ten years and had served in three war zones alongside Jason and Ray. They had seen the man in action and he was one of the best trauma surgeons in the whole Navy. However, the man never liked to brag but boy could he complain. And mainly about their lack of self-care. It was very much a Seal thing, they all were guilty of forgetting about injuries that at the time seem minor or small however sometimes they weren't.

Ray was about to head over to Trent to ask him why he needed another medical kit, however, he didn't need to. Because Trent's actions were enough. Trent stood there and removed all of the bandages expect three, a bag of fluid and the emergence blood kits from the bag and placed it in his. Along with a couple of vials of morphine. Just in case. He was replacing everything that he might need in case their brother needed help.

Sonny had been pacing the room the same as Jason however instead of thinking about things in his head like Jason, he was too busy muttering his anger quietly but clearly enough that they all could hear him from the other side of the room. Ray had wanted to tell Sonny to shut up however if this was all he was doing it was better than going all crazy Seal on them. At least he was in control of himself for now.

Brock had taken himself to the bottom of the stairs with Cerberus. He had sat down at the bottom of them to keep out of the way of everyone. Cerberus, however, had settled himself underneath Brock's legs with Clay's shirt tucked underneath him with the body of the shirt under his head. Every time he took in a breath, he took in Clay's scent. No one had the heart to take the shirt from the pup. Like them all, he was missing his brother.

Jason couldn't help but blame himself, if only he had told the Navy to back off and let Clay finish his rehab with Lucas they wouldn't be in this mess. He trusted Lucas, they all did however when they had heard about the fake rehab clinic he knew in his heart that Clay would do better there. Have more one on one care. Lucas was the best however he worked with a lot of Seals and other servicemen and women. So Clay was only able to have one or two sessions a day if he was lucky. However, he couldn't blame Lucas or Clay for any of this. Clay did as ordered and Lucas only agreed for Clay to go was because he thought that Clay would get a better chance at returning to full operation health. Not go on a CIA mission.

He sighed and looked around the room, the CIA were nearly ready to move out. All except one.

Henry had moved away from the laptop then Jake had come to take it. They needed to pack it up to see if their tech would be able to salvage any information from them. Which to all of them looked unlikely. However, after he had lost the computer, Graeme who had started to bring down all of the personal stuff with help from Chris and Matty him a bag. Jason watched as Henry had gone through it. Inside were pictures of two children. Two little girls smiling into the camera. Another was one of the entire family sat in a boat on a lake back home. The bag belonged to Richie. Jason remembered seeing in Richie's file that he had a young family that would now need to live without him. It just didn't seem fair.

Henry just looked at the photo for a second until he shook himself out of his nightmare and started to look for something in the bag.

"What are you looking for?" Jason asked as he saw that Henry was looking determined as he went through all the pockets and bags that were inside the bag.

"Richie always carries a notebook. I'm looking for it." Henry said without looking up. Jason hadn't thought about looking for any information on what he truly happened. All of his focus had been on controlling his anger after finding out one of his own men had been sent into danger without his knowledge. However, maybe Richie had written down something that could help them find him.

Ray had moved over to them to help, he shook the t-shirts that Henry had pulled out and found a few books. However, after flicking through the pages found nothing helpful. But in one fo the books a photo fell out of a man holding a baby. That hit hard on Ray. He carried two very similar photos in his bag, both of him holding his children for the first time. Something that he treasured above everything. And those children would never be held by their father again.

Sometimes Ray thought himself as selfish when he left his family to go on a mission. Knowing that one day he could lose his life and at the same time, his children could lose their father and his wife her husband. However, he knew that Naima was the strongest person he knew and she would be able to carry on without him. But what allowed him to sleep at night was knowing that his brothers would be there for them if he couldn't be.

Ray looked up to see Jason holding the frame that held the other photos. It opened out like a book and was clearly something that was important to him. Then he remembered something that made sense to him. If Richie had written down something that was important then he would keep it close to his chest. Like in something that was important to him. Pulling out his knife, he ran it down the edge of the frame.

"What are you doing?" Henry asked as he saw what Jason was doing. Ray watched his brother carefully, he knew what could possibly happen if Jason was wrong and had to be ready to break the two men apart.

To Henry's question, Jason didn't answer. Instead, he continued with what he was doing, he ran his blade down the seem of the frame and noticed that with the tick frame it was possible that the frame could be used to hide something. Like something that was clearly important enough to hide from others.

With a little force, he was able to knock the side off the frame. Henry and Ray moved to take a look. Jason shook the frame closer to the tablet and with a few shakes, came out a small brown book. Henry chuckled to himself before pulling it out completely.

"Richie was such a spy movie fan. On ops sometimes he resighted a spy novel he had been reading or a quote from James Bond. Use to drive me nuts." Henry said looking at the book, before opening it.

In the book were pages and pages of notes. Notes that were clearly written in a rush, like he did not want to get caught writing in the book. Like hiding it from his team was as important than writing in it. However, as Jason looked over the page that he could see he couldn't understand a word that was written down. It wasn't because of the handwritten either. It was because it wasn't written in English. In Jason's head, the only language he could think looked like that was Latin.

"Is that Latin?" Jason asked looking at Henry, he didn't remember reading in Richie's file about any language skills however that didn't mean anything. It could just mean that Richie had not disclosed it to his employers or was not completely fluent in it.

"Yer, Richie was brought up catholic and learnt Latin in church. Only really used it at work when he wasn't to write something down that he was unuse of or wanted to keep secret." Henry said.

"Can you read it?" Jason asked as Henry started to flick through the pages.

"Catholic boy myself. It's why me and Richie got on so well. Both grow up in strict Catholic families. However Richie spoke it more than me, I kind of stopped using it after I left the church." Henry said shrugging his shoulders before going back to the book.

Jason and Ray both looked at each other, and then Jason moved around the tablet to stand next to Ray and then spoke quietly. "Maybe we need to talk to Jones again. See if he remembers anything else about what could have happened."

Ray nodded, he knew what Jason was getting at, Jones knew more than what he was letting on however that seems to be a running theme with CIA agents keeping secrets from them. Ray turned to look at Jones who was still sat on the chair, Trent wanted to wait till the bag of fluid had finished before they moved him.

"_Bravo One this is TOC." _Mandy's voice came through radios.

"TOC, this is Bravo One. You got anything new for us?" Jason said through the radio trying to keep his anger in check.

"_A CIA asset was just killed a couple of streets away from the safe house,"_ Mandy reported.

"How does that help us?" Ray asked.

"_The asset was a doctor who had worked with Jones in the past. A single shot was heard and then a witness says that the men that went inside came out with a man that had blood on his shirt,"_ Mandy answered knowing what bravo might do if she just came out and said it.

The whole team stopped at the news. They all knew what that meant, it meant that Clay had been taken alive. Which meant all deals were off. They were going after him whether or not the Navy allowed them too. Never leave a man behind. And they weren't about to start now.

"Do we know if it was Zurkoff?" Jason asked, looking at Ray. They both knew that if Zurkoff did have Clay then he was in some serious danger and they needed to move fast.

"_There is no word on that..." _Mandy answered.

However, Mandy seems to stop herself before she could say anymore. Like she was holding something back that the team clearly needed to know but didn't want to say. They guest it was to do with what they were likely to do.

"Hey, you might want to listen to this." A voice from behind them said.

Jason and Ray both turned to look at Henry who had a face like he was ready to kill someone. It was like a red mist had gone over Henry's eyes and all he saw was red. Sonny had finally stopped pacing and had turned to face them. He too had the red mist look however for Sonny that was a common thing when one of their own was threatened. Brock stood up from the stairs and move towards them, followed by Cerberus. Trent had been busy disconnecting Jones from an IV line and gave Archie instructions to get him into the vehicle carefully without knocking the wound before he joined them.

"In the book, Richie talks about things that are not adding up to him. That things about the mission seemed odd to him. That the intel was not 100%, and Jones didn't like them questioning him." Henry started flicking through the pages as he spoke.

"He even put in here that Jones had moved up their timeline. That this mission wasn't meant to go ahead for another week, that their bosses had even mentioned to them that they didn't think it was a good idea for them to go however trusted Jones to do what was best." Henry then added reading the book.

Sonny took a deep breath and then muttered a few angry words that none of them wanted to repeat. They were all feeling a deep hatred towards this guy even more than before. Jason couldn't believe what he was hearing, that the man who was in charge of the operation had pushed for them to deploy before they were ready.

"Richie even says in here that he warned Jones that the team wasn't ready and that they were just starting to get to know their new guy, Clay. He says that the kid is good and that he would make one hell of an agent." Henry said looking up at them. Like he hoped that even a small amount of information on Clay might help the men in front of him.

"Like hell am I letting our kid get taken by the CIA. Not happening. When we get our kid back I am kicking his backside from here to Texas for doing this and then I am handcuffing him to one of us and he is not allowed to go out alone without one of us." Sonny snapped before kicking the table and spinning around in a circle before turning to face Jason.

"Anything else?" Jason asked.

"He also mentioned something that happened more than once that he says that even Clay spoke to him about it. That there was an odd feeling about the day trips that Clay did tracking Zurkoff. That Clay told him after the third day that he felt Zurkoff was almost putting on a show for them. But Richie says that to be truthful believed the kid. Said something was odd about the whole thing. Jones wasn't giving them any information as he should be. Says here that he disappeared for hours before coming back and demanding that they all be back in the house at a certain time to debrief…"

But then Henry stopped and turned around to look at where his friend's body once was. "Richie didn't trust Jones at all." He finally said and turned back to the Seals in front of him.

"Why wouldn't he?" Trent asked, looking around at them all.

"I don't know," Henry admitted.

"_Bravo one this is TOC." _This time it was Blackburn.

"Go head, Blackburn," Jason asked not bothering to use proper protocol anymore. This whole mission didn't sit right anymore. Not that it ever did.

"_We have just got a message from Clay." _

The whole team stopped and looked at each other in shock. They had just been told that Clay had been taken alive, and now Clay had been able to get a message out to them. Which meant one or two things, one Clay had been focused to send that message or Clay had been able to escape and get a message out to them.

"What does it say?" Jason asked. However, at first, all they heard from the radio was a sigh before a voice came through but it wasn't Mandy or Blackburns. It was Admiral Mason.

"_Khafji," _Mason said clearly however they could tell the pain in his voice.

"_When I was station in Iraq during Desert Storm a few days before the Battle of Khafji was to start my team was sent in to get an asset for a CIA agent who had been on the ground for months. Got the asset but on the way back we were attacked. It was an ambush. Its were I got hurt. We hit an IED that they had panted on the main road. Asset ended up dead and two of my friends lost their careers and their legs." _

"With all due respect Admiral what has this got to do with Clay?" Jason asked getting annoyed.

"_Everything Hayes. Because we had been set up. The CIA agent betrayed us." _

With Mason's words, they all looked at each other. Now they knew what Mason meant. It was why Richie and Clay felt something odd about Jones. With those words, Sonny had marched out to get Jones. Trent went with him, in order to stop his brother from killing the man before they got the information they needed to get Clay back alive. After that, all bets were off.

"_Clay knew the story about how I got hurt and what really happened however Clay didn't know the mission details or the name but he knew what happened. He knew that we were betrayed by the CIA. Its why Clay sent it to me. I am the only one who knows what it meant. Jones betrayed his team. And it got four of them killed. I want him brought to me alive. And Hayes…"_

"Yes, sir? Hayes asked. He could tell that there was something else doing on between Mason and Clay. If Clay knew all this information about their kid it meant that they knew each other and not just in passing.

"_Bring him home." _

Jason looked at his team in front of him. "You can count on us, sir."

He knew what the Admiral wanted. He wanted Clay home safe.

Moving away from the table Jason quickly made his way to the back door for it to explode open and Trent and Sonny carry a really scared and bloody Jones right to Jason. He couldn't control his anger anymore and ripped Jones from Sonny's and Trent's grip and slammed him into the wall.

"You are going to tell me everything and more importantly you are doing to tell me where Zurkoff took Clay or you're not making back home to face charges." Jason snarled into Jones' face. He wasn't in control of himself any more and he knew that if Jones didn't tell him what he wanted to know then he would more likely kill Jones were he stood. But he knew that Jones was more likely their only hope of getting to Clay before it was too late.

"Where is he?" Jason shouted slamming Jones back into the wall. "Where is he?"

"Ok. Ok. I'll tell you." Jones cried as his back hit the wall once again, his whole body burned. The man in front of him would kill him given half a second. He didn't care what happened to him now, he needed to stay alive. That was his focus, to survive. He knew that he knew too much for the agencies to let his whole career go down the drain. No, they would keep him alive.

"You can forget about the agencies helping you Jones. You betrayed us too. But if you don't want to travel home in an aeroplane with a team of seriously pissed off blood-thirsty Seals then you better tell me where Zurkoff took Clay." Henry said coldly.

Jason had to admit that he was impressed, Henry could be as cold as any of them. And he cared about finding Clay, he was a new ally to them. And they needed all the help they could get.

"Tell us where Zurkoff took Clay," Henry said calmly, however, the red glare told everyone that he would happily snap Jones' neck given the chance. But Jason could easily, his hand gripped around Jones' throat and applied enough pressure to cause Jones to go a red colour.

"There's a warehouse. Not far from here. If he is still alive he will be there." Jones said quietly as Jason released the pressure.

"Get this animal out of here," Jason growled and threw Jones back to Archie and Matty who had come in to see what was going on. "Get him to the plane. Admiral Mason wants a few words."

As they left Jason turned to Henry who looked back at him. "Any room for another gun with you?"

Jason looked oddly at Henry, he didn't understand. Henry was CIA not Navy so why would he offer to go after Clay.

"Richie trusted Clay which meant he cared for the kid. He even called him his little brother in the book. Any brother of his is mine too. Let's go bring our brother home." Henry said placing his hand over his assault rifle which he had picked up from the tablet when he came over to have a word with Jones.

"Let's go get our boy," Jason said again to the room. They now knew where they were going. They all just hoped that they would get there in time.


	10. New Plan

Chapter Ten

Their new plan wasn't complete yet however it was the best they could come up with; they were to hit the warehouse silently without causing a full-on firefight, get Clay and get out. Even though they all wanted to do was to kill Zurkoff after what he had done however their mission was clear, it was to get Clay home. Zurkoff was secondary.

After Jason and Henry had focused Jones to give them the location, all they could do was sit and wait for Mandy to get the warehouse coordinates. And it didn't take long, apparently, in Zurkoff's target package there was a list of all possible locations that Zurkoff could be possibly using as a storage location. Henry also had pulled any notes Richie had made about the warehouse and had found that his friend had added a little note next to the location, only writing. Arsenal. Which meant a really bad thing for them if it was true. If the warehouse was an arsenal, it only meant trouble for them.

Jason had remembered something that was also in the file, reading that the men who worked for Zurkoff. Didn't just work for him, they lived for him. They would kill or be killed for the man. And they didn't know how the man who would not hesitate to kill them if they got in his way have this loyalty. It was like they were scared and worshipped him.

When Mandy had given them the locations she informed them that the warehouse was just outside the town, however far enough away that it was left to rot. Mandy had sent them satellite images of the warehouse that had been taken a few years ago and they all could see that the warehouse was falling apart. The building had been left to rot. From the photos it looked like the building had been abandoned, leaving everything in place as if the workers had just left for the day. But luckily for them, it meant that the original plans would be right so the floor plans she had been able to find would make their assault a lot easier. However, they were still looking at going against an unknown number of enemy fighters with Zurkoff in order to get their brother.

Brock, Trent and Sonny got to work clearing out one of the vehicles of everything that wasn't needed. Jason had planned for Johnny and Matty to take Jones and the bodies back to the plane, but now with them needing to get to Clay, it meant leaving the CIA agents and the rest of support in the burnt-out safe house. He didn't like that idea, not leaving four of their own alone with three CIA agents after they had just learned that their brother had been betrayed by one.

So the new plan was that after they had packed up all the intel up, the rest of support and the CIA agents would return to base so the agents could go through all the information that Richie and his team had gathered before their deaths. It meant more security for Jones, as Jason was very happy to hand over the traitor to the Admiral before one of them crossed the line and killed the man for what he had done. However, he had a feeling in his head that maybe leaving him with a pissed off Admiral who was a former seal and seem to know Clay personally might not be the best idea. But who was he to argue with a man of his rank?

Jason watched as Trent checked and double-checked his medical bag and to make sure that they had enough equipment for the worst-case scenario. They didn't want to think that Clay was so badly hurt however they all knew that Zurkoff would not go easy on an American Seal. Or anyone who went against him. But they needed to have hope that Clay is still alive and the message gave them hope.

Jason gave the order for support to get going leaving one vehicle out front for them to use. Henry, as he said, had remained to help them. It made planning their assault easier as they were back to their fighting numbers. Ray and Henry would remain on overwatch on the hill that overlooked the warehouse. They would all enter from the side of the building under darkness, however, what they wanted to do was run in and get their brother. But it was unlikely that they would get in alive if they did that. They needed to be smart, it was possible that Zurkoff would be ready in case he was attacked however at the same time, he was too arrogant to think anyone would dare attack him.

FIve minutes after support had set off, they were ready. As they climbed into the vehicle Jason saw that Brock had pocketed Clay's shirt for Cerberus when they had left, no one had the heart to take it off the pup. It seemed to be the only comfort that would calm him at the moment.

They left behind the blood-stained floor and moved on to their next target. They couldn't change what had happened but at least they had a chance to get their revenge and also get their brother home. Inside the vehicle, they thought it best that Trent drove. Having to drop off Ray and Henry on the ridge before making their way down to the warehouse. There was no way they were letting Sonny drive, the man could drive no problem but his anger sometimes got the better of him and he would start driving like a maniac. Yes, they wanted to get to Clay as quickly as possible but they also wanted to get there in one piece. However, the plan wasn't fully set in stone and it wouldn't be until they were inside the warehouse itself.

They had no idea how many fighters they would be facing, however, their job was to secure Clay and get him out before they Zurkoff even knew what was happening. The plans had been simple. There was a main floor with two corridors running off it that looped with multiple rooms off them. Then there was a small staircase that led up to the landing with a few offices. They needed to get in and out without risking Clay's life. They knew that if Zurkoff spotted them he was likely to kill Clay before they could rescue him.

As they drove towards the coordinates, they only spoke when they needed too. Other than that they just were in their own world. All thinking about the challenge ahead. And the fight that they were going into was not going to be an easy one. And their heads weren't truly om the right eave length. They were all worried about Clay and saving him was their first task, however, the worry could prove deadly if they weren't careful.

"What is our exfil?" Brock asked, stroking Cerb's head who was sat under his feet. Cerb's nose was deep into Clay's shirt again. It was the only thing that stopped him from whining; he had been pawing at Brock's pocket ever since they had gotten into the vehicle, wanting the shirt back. Brock, in the end, handed it back to the pup.

"The Navy have been flying over this reign for the best part of a year. Really ever since we have been based in Turkey. So Blackburn has organized a helo for us, it's based close to us and will get to us within ten minutes. We just have to call it in." Jason said looking at his watch.

Ten minutes was a long time if they found Clay badly injured however he trusted Trent to look after Clay when they found him. They wouldn't fail his brother. Not again.

Again. That was true and Jason knew it. When Clay had joined his team they hadn't welcomed him as they normally would to a new member. True they didn't know the kid, however, his last name had played a part. Jason thought back to when they had taken Clay as their strap. Clay had taken time to tell him that he wasn't close to his father however at the time he thought that it was just something that he said to get people to trust him. But as time went on and they had gotten to know the real Clay.

The real Clay was someone that made Jason angry but not at Clay, at Ash. The kid had no real family left, all they knew of his family was that Ash was the only blood relative left alive. Jason had read the kid's file, again and again, he knew that he had been brought up by his grandparents however Jason knew that they had died a few years before Clay had come back to the States. The relationship between Ash and Clay had become very visible to the rest of the team. And it was not a good one.

The tension between the two men was very tense and on occasion hostile. Sonny and Brock had been the ones to witness a few of their fights. A few blows had been given to each other until they had broken them up.

However, as Sonny had been the closest to the kid he had seen something that haunted him. But at the same time kept Clay's secret. When he had broken the last fight, he had seen bruises on Clay's back. And they weren't from training. Sonny guessed that the fights that they had broken up weren't the only ones that had happened. But Clay would never speak of it and would change the topic if it ever came up. So Sonny stopped asking.

As they drove closer to the warehouse they started to get ready for the task ahead. Ray and Henry had started to get their rifles ready for their own task. Ray knew that if it came down to protecting his brothers he would take the shots. He trusted his aim and if Clay had been hurt beyond help then all rules were out the window. They would make them pay. Pay with their lives.

As they got to the ridge, Trent pulled over to let Henry and Ray out however as they stopped their radio came alive.

"_Bravo One come in."_ It was Mandy, however, there was something in her voice that caused them all to worry.

"TOC this is Bravo One, go ahead," Jason said looking at Ray who looked as worried as he was.

"_Bravo One, one of our drones has just done a pass over the warehouse and it's nearly been completely destroyed,"_ Mandy reported.

The news shocked them all, they weren't expecting that.

"TOC, do you know what happened?" Jason asked, hoping that the drone had caught anything that could help them find Clay.

"_All the drone footage showed us was that half of the warehouse roof has collapsed. There is smoke but it doesn't look like there is anyone around it. However, the drone has only been overhead for only a couple of minutes so we can't know who was inside." _Mandy reported however they all could hear the worry in her voice.

"No sign of Clay?" Ray asked.

"_No. I'm sorry,"_ Mandy said and sounded like she meant it.

The team all looked at each other with despair, the news wasn't what they wanted to hear. However, they had to have hope, hope that their brother was alive and out there waiting for them to find him.

"TOC, is there any sign of life down there? Any fighters still around?" Ray asked they were going down there whether or not the warehouse was still standing. They needed to see for themselves, to make sure that Clay wasn't still in the warehouse, either dead or alive they needed to bring him home.

"_Negative,"_ Mandy reported.

"Ok so this is the plan, we check the warehouse out and see if there is any sign of Clay. If he isn't there we need to find out were Zurkoff might have moved him and what had happened." Jason said, after rubbing his hand over his face and through his hair. They all agreed at the plan and quickly moved on to the warehouse.

As they got to the warehouse, they understood why Mandy had been very quiet on the radio. The warehouse had partly collapsed, however, a good part of the structure was still standing. The smell of smoke was clear and the ground in front of them was shocking. The warehouse looked unstable, however, that didn't stop them from going inside. But Jason didn't want to risk his full team however knew that he couldn't stop any of them from going in there looking for their brother.

"Brock see if Cerberus can catch Clay's scent. Henry and Sonny stay out here and see if there is any sign of where they could have gone if we can't find him." Jason barked out orders, so Sonny couldn't argue with him.

Brock nodded and pulled Cerberus from the vehicle making sure that his pup left the shirt inside. He knew that Clay's scent was deep in Cerberus' nose and wouldn't be a scent that his pup wouldn't forget. Making sure that his pup was attached to his lead, to stop the pup from hurting himself and then started to move inside the warehouse.

The building was a mess, half of the roof had collapsed onto the ground below. Brock looked down at his pup and called, "Cerberus find Clay."

Cerberus knew his job and put his nose to the ground and got to work. Immediately Cerberus moved towards the collapsed part of the structure. Jason and Ray had clocked the crates that littered the floor. They had seen that many of the crates had been emptied but in a hurry. Bullets and clips were scattered all over the floor. Their intel had been right, this was one of the Zurkoff's storage warehouses. Jason and Ray looked at each other worried that whatever had caused the collapse could still be in the building. If explosives were not stored correctly they could explosives and cause the collapse.

Cerberus moved through the crates and then Brock lost sight of his pup until he heard a growl. They all quickly raised their weapons and moved towards where the growl had come from. But instead of finding Clay, they found Cerberus laid down in front of a large piece of roofing.

Ray quickly lent down so check under the panel however found nothing but a pool of blood.

"He isn't here. But there's blood." Ray reported getting to his feet and turning to his brothers.

"He must have been here when the roof collapsed," Trent said looking around at the warehouse. But then something caught his eye. "I think Clay caused the collapse." It wasn't a question but a statement.

They all turned to look at him. Trent caught the look and explained his statement.

"If Clay had gotten free he might have tried to get Zurkoff back for what happened, look at the wall…" He said, pointing at the wall. "...looks like he got caught and they tried to stop him."

Jason knew now what had happened when Clay had escaped, he had sent the message and then had set out to bring Zurkoff down. He must have found some explosives to use on the wall and had caused it to collapse. However, with the multiple bullet holes in the wall, he only hoped that Clay hadn't been hurt too badly. But for the fact that Clay was still missing gave him a little hope. It meant that he had survived as Zurkoff wouldn't have taken a dead body.

"Let's keep looking," Jason said and motioned Brock to lead the way.

Brock nodded and pulled Cerberus away from Clay's blood. Cerb wasn't happy about being pulled away but knew that he had a job to do. Cerberus quickly found Clay's scent again and pulled them all into a corridor that left off the warehouse floor, it was the same route that they guessed Clay had taken. However, before moving down the corridor, Ray and Trent had moved up the staircase up to the upper floor. Many of the steps had broken but they needed to be sure that no one was up there. Leaving Jason, Brock and Cerberus to follow the trail of Clay's scent.

The corridor was dark but they could see that there was no one in sight. However then Cerb stopped outside a door and started to jump up crying and barking at it. Jason moved to the other side of the door and nodded for Brock to open the door. Cerberus quickly ran into the room as they followed.

The room was empty. But Jason and Brock had quickly clocked the documents that had been left all over the table. Someone had forgotten to collect them when the building collapsed. They must have left in a hurry.

"It's the safehouse," Brock said looking at the blueprint handing it to Jason.

"It's how Clay knew Jones was the traitor," Jason said shaking his head. "They never stood a chance." He muttered. The kid had worked out that he had been betrayed and knew that this was going to cause him a lot of problems with him when they got him back. A trust had been broken and trust was a hard thing to get back.

"Boss. Look at this." Brock said handing Jason a blueprint to another warehouse however this one was near a dock. "He might be there now."

"Makes sense," Jason muttered nodding to Brock and then moved to his radio. "TOC this is Bravo One."

"_Bravo One this is TOC. Please tell me you have Bravo Six." _Blackburn asked.

"Negative but we have a lead. Is there a warehouse near a dock in Zurkoff's file?" Jason asked, knowing that if there was a warehouse then Blackburn and Mandy would find it.

"_Hold,"_ Blackburn called.

Jason sighed but knew that if they had an address then they would find it. But it meant waiting. They were losing more time which Clay may not have.

"_Bravo One this is Two,"_ Ray called through the radio.

"Two this is One, go ahead?" Jason answered, hoping that Ray had found something that could help them find Clay.

"_We have found the room they had kept Clay in. We have one dead fighter up here. His neck has been snapped and he has been stripped of anything useful. Looks like Clay got lose of his restraints and killed his guard." _Ray reported.

"Ok, get down here we are just waiting for TOC to get back to us about a new location," Jason said and after a quick copy, the radio went silent. It only took a couple of minutes before Trent and Ray had joined them. Then the radio came to life.

"_We have the address,"_ Mandy called forgetting protocol.

They all looked at each other again, they couldn't get their hopes up as they all knew the statics. As time went on, the less of a chance Clay had of being alive. But that wouldn't stop them from trying to find him. Clay needed to be brought home. Even if it meant only bring him home to bury.

"Let's go," Jason ordered and they moved out. Time was running out.


	11. Revenge

Chapter Eleven

They were all set.

Their plan was set and ready for them to execute. They had gone over the plan a dozen times and then a dozen more when their support team turned up. They were going to need everyone on this one, Jason had toyed with the idea to request another Team join them however the nearest team was Charlie team who were still five hours away in Scotland training with the British S.A.S and that would mean leaving Clay in Zurkoff's hands for too long. They needed to get their brother now.

Blackburn had told them that the Admiral had been on the phone to one of his old friends in the S.A.S who had a team nearby however yet again they wouldn't be able to reach them for another 2 hours. However, Jason had accepted their helicopter. The British Air Force was closer to them as they were based closer to the border than any American base. The British had also agreed to send one of their drones to the area to give them real-time images. Jason didn't care how many favours the Admiral was using, he was just glad that at least this time they had updated information and real-time images.

After finding out Clay had been their missing man, Jason felt his stomach turn every time one of his men were in the firing range. However, with Clay, Jason couldn't put his finger on it but for some reason worrying about the kid made his overprotective father side come out. He knew Ray felt the same whenever he and the kid would go off together to be their overwatch. On one hand, the kid needed a good father figure in his life as they very much doubted that Ash was around much so he needed someone to guide him right. However, he was a trained Navy Seal and a man, not a kid. Even if he was to them.

He knew that Clay sometimes hated the fact they treated him like a kid and a rookie but to them he was. Jason and Eric had sat for a long time after he had told Adam and Big Chief that they wanted Clay for Bravo to go over the kid's file. Clay spoke six languages but could speak a lot more but not fluently. The kid had grown up for most of his life in Africa. However never in the same place for long. Jason knew the locations himself, all were locations of war zones. Clay's grandparents had been missionaries and it looked like Clay just followed their movements.

Jason knew what that meant, Clay had never been given a stable home and from reading his file in depth the Navy had given him one. Clay had overactivated in everything he had set his mind too like it was his way of showing everyone that he was not his father. The kid outshot everyone he came up against and had skills that often was only gotten by training hard at in the field. Often one operator would choose a skill and stick with it however with Clay he had mastered a range of skills. However, after getting to know the kid, he knew that he had not done it to show off. He did it in case he ever found himself alone or needed to sacrifice his life for his men. And given Clay's long medical report the kid had done so more than once.

Something that he needed to get out of the kid. In Clay's mind, his life was disposable if it meant his brothers got out alive. Being a Navy Seal meant everything to him and Jason could only guess that Clay had made peace with dying like they all had in some way. But Clay's went deeper, to him he had no one that he had to worry about, he didn't have any close family, or friends so no one would miss him.

Jason had always kicked himself about that one, he couldn't believe that a kid believe that he would be abandoned by his brothers even if it meant saving them. It was his job to protect his men, not his. It was one of the problems that Jason had with the kid, the kid had a leaders mindset which was a problem for him.

What it didn't say in the kid's file was why leading came so natural to him. He, of course, had read the after-action reports on a couple of Clay's previous missions where he had to lead his brothers. Clay had been the youngest second-in-command in the history of the Navy Seals, and there had been a lot of eyes on the kid. It wasn't just command of DEVGRU that had their eyes on Clay. It was every commander of every team.

Blackburn had kept it from him for a while, but he had, as soon as Clay had been drafted to them, started to get requested from other team leaders to borrow Clay for a mission or two. Blackburn had thankfully put a stop to the request. However, it wasn't long before Jason found out about it. He had cornered Blackburn in his office and had demanded to know what was going on. Thankfully for them, Harrington had also helped stop the requests so Clay wasn't going anywhere without them.

When support had arrived at their location, Jason was surprised that along with their support team was the three other CIA agents. Henry explained that Clay was also a brother to them as well, so they wanted to help. Unknown to the team, the CIA team was made up with all former members of Delta or the Rangers. Which meant, like them, they knew how to get down and dirty.

Before leaving the warehouse, Trent had taken time to try to work out how badly Clay was injured. He only could guess the torture that he had suffered however since he had been able to escape, kill his guard and partly destroy half the warehouse he guessed that the torture hadn't been as bad as they had all thought. However from the amount of blood that the kid had lost from his bullet wound was only an estimate, plus what they found in the room he was held in and the pool of blood from under the roof panel, he could only guess that Clay would be soon in some serious trouble. But it was not his only concern, internal bleeding could kill a man before it escaped the body, which meant that they needed to move quickly.

Sonny and Jason both weren't happy about trusting three CIA agents they didn't know. Henry they had started to trust but the rest of his team they didn't. However they didn't need to come to help them, they could have just stayed on the plane and waited for them to return but they didn't. That was something at least, not that Sonny would admit that they needed help. However, if they wanted to get Clay out alive then they needed to work together.

Sonny, on the other hand, didn't want the CIA anywhere near his brother. He had truly become an older brother to the kid, and the thought that he had been betrayed by the very person who he was meant to trust sickened him. Made him so angry that if given the chance he would make Jones go through everything that his brother had gone through. And worse.

The plan was simple, the warehouse was a lot smaller than the one that Clay had been held in originally. It only had one room so it would be easier to clear quickly as long as they didn't hit any real problems. The warehouse was once used as a shipping storage house. There was one ship attached to the dock however looked in very bad condition. According to the British Air Force, the ship was unsteady in the water and according to them wasn't going to be on the surface for much longer.

There were a few vehicles parked around the dock however none of them had moved according to the Brits. That meant that the main assault team could clear the warehouse easily before moving to the smaller outbuildings that were dotted around. The plan was to split up into three teams.

Jason, Sonny, Henry, Chris, Archie, Johnny and Brock with Cerberus were the main assault team. Their main role was to hit the warehouse from the road and clear it quickly before moving onto the vehicles. They also needed to clear the small outbuildings that littered around the main warehouse. Somewhere Zurkoff could have easily stashed Clay to keep in out of the way but also have him still in his control. However, the worrying thought was that Zurkoff would know that Clay was a loose end and would soon just get rid of him.

But at the same time, a thought came to Jason's mind that he did not share with anyone else on his team. Mainly because he needed them all focused on the task at hand however he knew that Mandy and Blackburn would also see it. Zurkoff sold weapons to the highest bidder. It didn't matter who or where it was always about the money. An American Navy Seal would get him a lot of money if he sold him the right buyer. If Zurkoff didn't kill him then he would likely send Clay to his death be selling him. Something that he would do anything to stop.

Ray, Trent, Alan, and Stuart's role was to clear the boat that was docked. With the Brits tip that the boat was unseaworthy they didn't want to send too many people onto the boat without needing too. Jason knew that Ray would make sure that they searched the boat properly. Also having Trent with them allowed both teams to have a medic just in case.

Matty, Jake and Graeme were to take the higher ground. Covering all entrances and exits to the area, the main warehouse was Matty's target. He often trained with Clay on the range and had been taking the hints Clay had been giving him seriously and had seriously improved from what Johnny had reported.

As they arrived on the location, they received word that the British Air Force had flown two of their Typhoon jet over the sight and were able to capture some new images. There were movements around the warehouse and were able to give them an idea of the number of fighters they would be facing. They were facing around thirty fighters may be more inside as they weren't able to get a theme image. Jason knew that he owed the British Air Force a crate of beer for their help.

As they moved into position, Matty called in what he saw. He had the best view of the warehouse, he reported that he could see twenty-five fighters on the ground moving crates from a large tuck to smaller vehicles or to the warehouses. Crates that looked very similar to what was in the warehouse.

"Looks like Zurkoff has moved his business here after Clay destroyed his last location," Ray added, knowing that everyone else thought the same.

"All Bravo elements get ready to move. Sniper teams we move on your shots. Take out as many fighters as you can as we make our approach. Our first and only main task is to find and secure Bravo Six." Jason called through the radio. They needed to move fast and lethal.

"Copy." Came through the radio from the sniper teams. They knew their jobs and were ready to do it.

"Toc this is Bravo One." Jason then called as they waited, watching the fighters move around carrying the crates of weapons.

"_Bravo one, go ahead."_ Blackburn's voice called back.

"Do we have a go?" Jason asked. He knew he had permission for this however his plan wasn't to take hostages. They needed to move quick and clean if Clay stood any chance of surviving.

"_Bravo One, Green Light." _This time it wasn't Blackburn, but Admiral Mason. "_Bring him home Master Chief."_

Jason looked over to where Ray sat in wait, the two locked eyes and knew what was about to come. The Admiral had taken them off their leash.

"Sniper teams...Go," Jason called through the radio and seconds later three shots rang out in almost the same time. The fight had begun.

As soon as the shots started the two teams moved in.

Jason's team moved into the warehouse and quickly set to work, a lot of the fighters had no military training at all. They just fired wildly. They had no idea what they were doing, they just ran towards them like they had nothing to lose. Jason had seen this type of careless before, but mainly in war tone locations where violence was just a way of life. These men had nothing to live for and so just ran blindly into them.

From the shooting outside, he guessed Ray was dealing with the same thing, however, heard when Ray and his team had made it to the boat.

"_Bravo One I have eyes on Zurkoff and two bodyguards running down the dock in my direction," _Jake reported.

"Bravo Three with me, the rest of you clear this place. Brock find Clay." Jason shouted through the radio and Sonny quickly ran with Jason after Zurkoff. There was no way this man was escaping after what he had done.

Jason could feel his lungs start to strain as he found himself running after the man who had taken one of his men, his lungs didn't hurt with pain but anger. His man wasn't going to get away with what he had done. He wasn't leaving the dock alive.

However, soon their luck had started to build and Zurkoff had run out. They ran out of road. They had run directly into a dead end with nowhere else to go the two bodyguards quickly turned to fight to the death however they never got the chance to draw their weapons to full height. One-shot ran hitting one of them directly in the back of the head, his body flying as it hit the ground. Jake had taken the shot. The second took two shots directly into the chest, Sonny had wanted to fire more but as they were yet to find their lost brother he knew that they may need Zurkoff alive for a little longer.

"It's over Zurkoff," Jason shouted as they both aimed their weapons at the man who they had such deep hatred for.

"It is not over yet my friend," Zurkoff shouted back, they knew that he was trying to be cocky however the fear was clearly written all over his face and voice.

"You have nowhere to go," Jason shouted back, he could see the man's eyes scan the environment around him looking for a way out. He knew that the man could easily get into the water and as being a former Russian soldier it would be very dangerous following him.

"That is where you are wrong, I always have somewhere to go. And you are going to let me leave or many your Seal ends up as another casualty of this war." Zurkoff added with a smile.

Sonny could barely hold his anger before but now it was burning through his veins. However, a noise made them all turn to the water. Which made Jason's and Sonny's day a lot better. There was a rib in the water with soldiers inside pointing even more weapons at Zurkoff. The flag that it flew was clear. It was the Union Jack.

"Looks like the Brits wanted to get a piece of the action," Sonny muttered grinning at the worried look now on Zurkoff's face.

"It's over Zurkoff…" Jason started to say however the fury in Zurkoff's voice cut him off.

"IT'S NOT OVER!"

A shot rang out, followed by a dozen more.

All Jason could feel was a pain, a fiery pain that shot through his shoulder and down into his arm.

"Man Down!" He heard someone say next to him as he hit the ground.

"Bravo one is hit," Sonny shouted, not caring about Zurkoff. The Brits had fired a number of shots hitting Zurkoff multiple times, and the blood pooling around the man's body only proved that he was dead.

Jason bit his lip and swallowed his own pain. With a sharp breath, he lifted himself up into a sitting position.

"Stay down boss man," Sonny said as he started to apply pressure onto Jason's wound.

Jason shook his head, he didn't need everyone fussing over him. He had a bullet in his shoulder, so what. Clay could be bleeding out somewhere and they needed to find him.

"_Bravo Three Report."_ Came through the radio. It was Blackburn,

"Bravo One took a round to the shoulder. Zurkoff is dead. Repeat Zurkoff is dead." Sonny called through trying to remain calm enough to help Jason.

"Bravo Two, any sign of Bravo Six," Jason called through the radio hoping that they had found something.

By this point the Archie and Henry had made their way to them, Henry went to make sure that Zurkoff was dead when Archie took over from Sonny and quickly started to assess his injury.

"Who called the Navy?" Sonny asked Henry who had joined them after checking Zurkoff's body.

"I did. I know the commanding officer of HMS Dragon who are in the area. Thought they might be of help." Henry said shrugging his shoulders. "They also have a good medical team if Clay needs treatment fast."

Sonny nodded a thanks and turned to see the rip already heading back towards the open water. Their plan was to take Clay out by air. The rib had only been there to help contain Zurkoff's men in case they tried to escape by water.

"Bravo Two report?" Jason asked again, hissing as Archie tired a bandage tightly across the wound.

A few more minutes of silence ran over and Jason was very close to losing his temper with Ray if he didn't respond but then the radio crackled back to life, but it wasn't Ray.

"Bravo One this is Bravo Five. We have Bravo Six…" It was Brock however then they all heard clear as day Trent's panicky voice over the radio.

"...Get that chopper here now!"

Sonny and Jason both looked at each other in shock, they had only heard Trent's voice like that once and that was when they had found Clay in the street after the bombing.

"Bravo One to Havoc, get that British Chopper here now. Bravo Six is in trouble." Jason shouted down the radio before pulling himself to his feet ignoring Archie's orders for him to stay still.

"Let's go get him," Jason said to Sonny who quickly followed who had immediately headed towards the warehouse. Archie angrily muttered someone about how annoying injured Seals were but followed leaving Henry alone. He sighed and pulled out his phone, taking a quick photo of Zurkoff's body he headed back himself.

Their day was not over yet.


	12. Drowning

Chapter Twelve

Drip... Drip... Drip... Drip... Drip... Drip... Drip... Drip... Drip...

The sound of dripping water finally made him come back to the world of the living, however, he wished it hadn't.

The sudden feeling of coming around caused him to feel pain that he hadn't felt in a long time. His whole body was on fire and his nerves screamed as if a hot poker was pressed against his skin. His head felt like it was going to explode. It was like could feel his brain pressing against his skull moving the pieces that could feel were broken sending searing pain shot through his head and into his neck. His ears were ringing with every single sound caused his pain to get worse. He wished that the noise would stop and allow him to fall into the peaceful silence. Silence would be better than the constant noise of water dripping.

However, it wasn't just his head that hurt. His whole body hurt. His arms stung as every muscle contracted even if he moved slightly. His gunshot wound pain was nothing for what he felt now. He would rather be shot all over again rather than deal with this pain. At this very moment, he wished Trent was there with him to give him the good stuff. But at the same time hated himself for thinking about how beautiful it would be if he could not feel anything. He had always hated the way that the drugs made him feel. He hated not being in control of his own mind. He remembered coming round in the hospital after losing his CO, he couldn't process what happened correctly and he was plagued with nightmares and guilt. And so he worked on controlling his pain with his head alone. A method that he had mastered over time. All he had to do was focus enough on pushing down his own pain and in turn something that he could use. However, sadly he couldn't ask Trent. He couldn't ask any of his brothers because he was alone. Locked alone, and in his own personal hell.

And now he needed to move past his pain and try to work out where he was. He had to focus on what he could control. He needed information so he wouldn't be surprised when things moved on. He knew that he was no longer under the warehouse roof. The pain from where the roof panel had sat had lessened, the pain was still there as he knew that the panel had broken and cracked a number of his ribs but the pressure of being pinned had gone.

The sound of the water then brought him out of his head, he could now hear that it wasn't just one large drip that he was hearing but hundreds of drips. It sounded like a waterfall. However as time went on, he could work out how many drips and where they were coming from. So he guessed that he was in a small but long room. The sound of the water made him feel like he was near water as the dripping never stopped. And it didn't.

The water that surrounded him also smelled salty, like it was the sea dripping around him. With that fact in mind and also the fact that he could feel himself move slightly as if the room was been hit by small waves, he guessed that he was on a boat. But not a very good maintained one. With a waterfall almost falling around him, he wasn't surprised at how quickly the water was rising. He could see the water moving along with the boat, so far the water had reached his ankles. His boots and socks were soaked and Clay knew that by the amount of water that was leaking in then it wouldn't be much longer before the water could become a real danger to him. Ever his captors didn't care or know that the leak was this bad as they wouldn't have put him on it if they thought it was going to sink. Well, he hoped.

He also guessed that his captors had learnt from their mistakes in the warehouse. They had left him too much room to work himself free and allowed his escape rota to be an easy one. They clearly didn't want it to happen again and so they tied the knots that tied him to the metal pole tighter that they risk cutting off the circulation to his wrists. They had also tied his ankles together and tied as tightly. With very little energy left in his body, the only thing holding him up was the ropes that bound him to the pole.

However it didn't matter what they did now, he knew that he would unlikely escape again. He was too tired to fight anymore, he had his one chance to escape and he had done everything that he had planned after escaping the first time. Even if he wasn't around to see the aftereffect of all his hard work.

Zurkoff would regret everything he had done to them. Attacking their safehouse, killing his teammates, getting him shot, killing Aksoy and then taking him captive. He had made his own bed and now he had to lay in it. Clay knew that as soon as he had sent his message, Zurkoff's American network he had built had crumbled. His mole inside the C.I.A had been found, and it wouldn't take long before the rest of his networks started to collapse around him.

His own revenge came from destroying the warehouse. By destroying part of the warehouse it allowed him to seal all the intelligence that he had found inside the warehouse without the risk of Zurkoff destroying it before others had the chance to find it. In turn, Zurkoff was done for. Clay just wished that he could be around to see what Zurkoff did when he worked out that he was done for and being hunted.

But now Clay had to focus on what he was going to do now. He had a strange feeling that Zurkoff was not yet done with him just yet. He had a feeling that he would rather face down a bullet or a knife than to left to drown inside the boat. Slowly drowning was one of his true fears. He loved the water and grew up enjoying the water however he always feared someone pulling him down into the deep.

When he was dealing with his SERE training, his hallucinations that he suffered from that torture still gave him nightmares for a few months after. He saw his father physically try to drown him in the open water. He didn't know if it showed him how bad their relationship was that he would see his own father tried to kill him. But he wouldn't put it past the man sometimes. Ash was never a good parent, he could care less what happened to his own son. He hadn't even called after the attack that cost him his grandfather to see if he was ok or even bothered to fly to Africa for the funeral.

Forgetting about Ash, Clay thought back to his own situation. Zurkoff would make sure that he would never see the light of day again. However, at the same time, Zurkoff wasn't his main problem. The interrogators that Zurkoff worked with were killers. And now Clay guessed that Zurkoff would have taken them off the reins, allowing them to do whatever they wanted to him. Or even get involved himself. Being a former soldier, he would know how to make him suffer. So pain and suffering were clearly in his future. And he needed to be ready for it.

He knew that he should be scared but at the same time, he wasn't. He had accepted his fate when he planned to destroy the warehouse over escaping. He was going to die here. He knew that. So his goal was to get his mind to work for him and not against him. Whatever energy he had left in his body he needed to channel it to his mind in order to protect everything he knew. His body was already broken but not his mind. He wasn't going to beg for mercy as he wouldn't get any. These men were all killers and from the files that Richie had got on some of Zurkoff's men, enjoyed the suffering of others. And so begging would make everything worse.

But he also knew that Zurkoff would really enjoy watching him beg for them to end his pain. He would more likely make him suffer more to see it again. He would also likely make sure to catch the whole thing on video. That was not what he wanted to be remembered for, as the Seal that begged for his captures to kill him. He wouldn't give them that. Not ever.

Taking in a deep breath, which sent shockwaves throughout his whole chest, he slowly opened his eyes. At first, they wouldn't focus. It took a few minutes but then they did focus enough so he could see his new environment. He had been right. He was on a boat, and they had put him in its hull. And from the shape of the room, he was tired to a pole that stood in the bow section of the boat.

Looking down the room, Clay could see that the room were metal sheets, splitting up the hull. Something that was done to stop the entire hull from flooding if there was a breach. However, at some time or another, a lot of the metal sheets had been removed. But the metal posts were still there in order to keep the hull together. It was clear that the boat was not seaworthy, the rust that had built up on top of the metal worried him even more. He was surprised that the boat was even on the surface, however, after a while, he knew that he was in slightly more trouble with the water than he first thought.

The water was now up to his knees.

Clay's mind then fell on everything that he had done with his life. He had completed his lifelong dream of being on the teams. He had pushed himself to make sure that he would be, one day, better than his father. He remembered something Adam had told him once, that the teams were a family and to be part of that family meant you belonged. And for Clay that was true. The teams were the only real family he had left. Everyone else had left him or he had lost them.

As time ticked on, Clay worked out that Zurkoff didn't care about him any more. He was more likely trying to save whatever business and his merchandise. A lot of it, Clay knew would have been damaged in the warehouse collapse. And getting his hands on military equipment was not easy so he would have to make do with what they could save. However, Clay had a strange feeling that after the explosion, the local police or military would have been made aware of the warehouse and would have likely moved to secure whatever they found left inside.

However then his mind changed direction without him wanting it too. He thought of everyone he was leaving behind. Something that he had heard of when someone had given up the fight to live. That their own minds fought for them to carry on, reminding them of everyone that loved them. And it was happening to him and he knew why.

He was giving up.

He knew that he wouldn't live for very much longer, he knew that his wounds were severe and he was more likely bleeding into his abdomen. To be truthful, he knew that he was bleeding into his abdomen, the skin around his liver had started to become tight. He always bruised good and when he had first started with Bravo, he had nearly given Trent a near heart attack after one mission where he had taken a beating. His whole back and chest were black and blue.

Jason had nearly killed him also and had forced him to the base medic to get checked out. He was fine and knew it, however, he guessed that he had scared them all as he had not warned them that he did bruise quickly and impressively. However, now he guessed that his whole body was just one big dark bruise. However, that only meant that he was in trouble, he was bleeding internally and soon, without a doubt he would more likely soon go into hypovolemic shock soon.

His body wouldn't be able to keep working for very much longer and it was giving him all the signs. He also felt himself struggling to get enough air into his lungs. He knew that it was very possible that he had a blue tint to his lips, his lungs were struggling to take in enough air around his broken and cracked ribs. He would be surprised if some of his ribs had collapsed onto his lungs as he felt them shift as he took in a breath. But as time went on he could feel his lungs failing him.

In his head, he would prefer if his body just shut down on him and he could just fall into the darkness. He wanted the darkness rather than slowly drown. And he hoped that it would happen soon, as the water was now at his abdomen. As the water licked against his wounds, he felt the pain shooting through his entire body. The saltwater stung against his wounds however it wasn't his main source of pain. It was the fact that he knew that his brothers would never forgive him for this.

He had broken the trust that he had built with his brothers. He had not told them the trust, had gone along with a plan that kept them in the dark about where he was. But at the same time, he knew that there would be some of his brothers that would blame themselves for not being there for him. Even if it was not possible.

However, thankfully he had already put things in place so they didn't have to worry about anything in the event of his death. He had sorted out his affairs as soon as he had completed his BUD training and then had updated it after he had joined the teams. Lisa knew about it, however only because he had done something that an old Seal had told him about. An old ritual that a lot of the old teams had done however something that had stopped a long time ago however something that made sense. So he had done them, he had written letters to each member of his team in case he never made it back. To keep them safe, he had given them to Lisa.

Lisa had looked confused at them at first but understood, she had been around Seals for too long to trust them. She didn't need to understand them, just to trust them. Clay also had written one for her, however, hadn't told her. He had just put all the letters into an envelope with Bravo's name on it. The one thing that he had made sure he had written in her letter was a request that he knew she would follow and that was to keep Sonny from falling.

Sonny and him had become true brothers, they protected each other. Would defend each other in a heartbeat, and that was what they did. They protected each other and had become family. Sonny was his older brother that he always wanted and wished he had growing up. In Africa, he had made friends that had become like brothers but it was different with Sonny. Their friendship had become so strong that when they were together, they could work out what the other was thinking. However, at first, Sonny clearly disliked Clay. He knew it. Clay had guessed that like everyone else, Sonny only saw him as Ash Spenser's rookie son. Someone who didn't belong with them, but thankfully over time they had started to work out their own problems. Clay couldn't remember how it happened but Sonny at one point had started to treat him more as a brother than a pain.

Clay also knew that his death would destroy Sonny in a way that losing a brother would. He could remember a little of what his brother had told him when he had found him in the street after being hit by the second bomb. He remembered hearing the worry and fear in Sonny's voice as he reached him. And he stayed with him until he had been taken to hospital. He knew that his other brothers were also there. Trent was busy dealing with his wound however the only face he could make out completely was Sonny. But at least he knew that with Sonny wouldn't stop till Zurkoff paid for what he did.

However, the one other person he was worried about was Jason. Jason took everything that was to do with his men personally and that meant when one of them was hurt or killed he took it as a personal failure. That he had failed to protect them. His brothers. Jason had taken an almost fatherly role to him. He had become the father figure that he always wanted. Mason had tried his best but as an officer, there was only so much that he could do for him. Even before joining Bravo he could always feel Jason's eyes on him whenever they were in the same room. Jason was always watching him, even today. Making sure that he was ok. He knew that Jason would think that he had failed him. But that was beyond the truth, Jason had saved him from himself a long time ago. He owed him everything. And had told him so in the letter.

Ash was to get very little from him, he might be his father and maybe they had started to try to build a relationship however it wasn't that strong yet. However, there was too much bad blood between them to have the type of relationship that should be between a father and son. And there was a worry that Ash would just sell his story in order to get more media attention. To sell his memory. Something that he was worried about ever since he had joined the Seals.

Thankfully he had remained friends with a man who had been injured during his first tour and then had gone into JAG. He had gotten his friend to look into making sure there was something in his will that stopped his father from selling his memory. He wanted to be honoured but quietly and within the Seal community, not the world.

The water was now to his chest.

It wouldn't be long now and he could see his body start to drop. Soon the water would be over his face, he just hoped he could fall into the darkness before that happened. He didn't want to fight his death anymore. However he knew his own body and if he was still awake when the water reached his head, it would fight the water. But he knew that he couldn't win against the water.

Then noises brought him out of his own mind. Sounds of gunfire. Maybe Zurkoff's men had turned against him. Hopefully, the man was suffering. He chuckled to himself, his mind, however, had started to shut down. He couldn't see anymore, his vision had gone fuzzy and his ears had stopped working. He was thrown into a world of no senses.

His head had started to become heavy, he couldn't hold it up anymore. The first time his head dropped it hit the cold water. He tried to pull it back up fully but couldn't. It was too heavy. The last piece of energy that he had left was gone and he finally allowed his body to stop. The darkness surrounded him and with one last through of his team, he surrendered into nothing.


	13. Too Late

Chapter Thirteen

As soon as Jason had given the order to engage, Ray and Trent moved quickly towards the boat that was docked just outside the warehouse. It had seen better days. Once the boat had been painted once a mixture of red and blue, however over time the rust had built up completely covering the whole thing. It was like the rust was eating away at the metal slowly breaking it down. It wouldn't be long before the sea finally claim it.

From reports, the boat had been docked there for only a couple of months and had been used for storage however everyone could tell that the boat wouldn't be able to stay afloat for long. From the information they had gotten from the Royal Air Force, they knew that the boat was taking on water and as time went on they had also reported that the boat was now sitting very low in the water as if it had started to take on even more water than before.

Ray, to be honest, was worried that Zurkoff had locked Clay on the boat, knowing that he was safely contained where he could control him completely. But also knew that if anyone came for him, he could easily sink it, trapping Clay inside. But that was not going to happen. If they could find him then they would. Ray would never forgive himself if he just turned his back on his brother. And he knew they all thought the same. But with Zurkoff not contained they needed to hurry as he could easily destroy the boat whenever he wanted too. He had the explosives and the will to do it. Clay didn't deserve to die like that, no one did.

As Trent and Ray made their way down into the lower decks of the boat, they left Alan and Stewart to secure the wheelhouse and the desk. It had been settled that if they came into contact then they would follow them however they didn't want to be caught off guard. All they needed was to find Clay only to allow one of Zurkoff's men to come behind them and take the final shot that would kill their brother. They weren't taking any chances. Alan and Stewart were to make sure that they weren't followed but also Stewart's role were to see if he could find any logbooks in the wheelhouse. The C.I.A wanted to know where the ship had been when it was seaworthy.

As they moved down to the lower deck, they knew what they could find down there. However they had to, their brother needed them. Thankfully they had everything they needed in case they found Clay, it was why he had Trent with him and Jason had Archie. Both teams had a medic in case they found Clay. Trent had brought his medical bag with him. Trent's bag wasn't like a standard medical bag that other Seal teams carried. Over the years Trent had started to adapt his medical kit with things that he knew might come in handy. Normally, they weren't often allowed to change their medkits however Jason trusted Trent, it's why he wanted him for his team. Trent knew what he needed when they were in the field and often it changed depending on the location they were heading too. And this time was no different. He just hoped that he didn't need the whole thing. But had that fear that he would.

Ray and Trent made their way into each room to clear it correctly, however, what they wanted to do was quickly scan each room before moving on. But they couldn't risk missing their brother and so they searched each room like their brother could just be out of their sight. They weren't going to fail their brother, not again.

As they searched each room they found many of them like the warehouse, weren't used at all. They were just left to rot and decay like the boat itself. However, others had been clearly used by some of Zurkoff's men. Some of the bunk rooms were used as such that it looked like a few of Zurkoff's men had been sleeping in the old bunks. Ray had noted that some of the top bunks had been broken as if the wood that once held the bed up had rotten so much that when a small amount of weight was placed on it caused the wood to snap. The whole boat was falling apart and that was more clear as they made their way through each room.

Another room that was close to the bunk rooms was littered with old empty beer bottles. Like the men were using it to hide their drinking from their boss. It was likely that Zurkoff didn't like his men drinking at all and more so when they were very close to his merchandise. And if his men were drunk then he was vulnerable. Vulnerable to someone stealing his product or to attack. Something that would clearly make Zurkoff turn on his own men, not that we would do that in a heartbeat, there was loyalty between his men and him but not the other way around. Zurkoff didn't care for anyone other than himself. His men were expendable.

However, they pressed on. Searching each room quickly but carefully.

As they reached the last desk, their hope of finding their brother had started to fail. If Zurkoff wanted Clay hidden but close to hand it in case he needed to use him for leverage if he was attacked then he wasn't on board. In the final room, which was only used as storage Ray's heart dropped. Their brother wasn't here. They had failed.

"Damn it. He's not here." Ray whispered, however his anger got the better of him and he quickly turned and punched one of the wooden crates that were next to him.

"We'll find him," Trent said looking at Ray before turning to search the room carefully with his eyes. Seeing if there was anything that they missed. They couldn't afford to miss anything. Not with Clay still missing.

"If Jason hasn't found him then where the hell has Zurkoff put him. He might be dead…" Ray started turning his back so it was leant against the crate. All of his adrenaline was gone. He knew that most of the team was running on pure adrenaline as they needed to keep going for their brother. However, as they found themselves no further forward they were all feeling the pain as the adrenaline levels dropped.

"Hey. Don't go there. We will find him." Trent said looking directly at him, with anger burning in his eyes. They weren't to give up on their brother, not when there was a chance they could still find him. They would continue to search until they couldn't search any more and they had no more leads to follow.

Ray sighed but nodded. He couldn't lose faith. Not yet. They weren't going to stop searching until they find their brother. Even if it was just a body recovery. They all knew that it was possible that they were just going to find Clay already dead however they still needed to find him. They needed to bring him home. Whether that be alive or dead. They were going to ring their brother home. Bury him with the honour he deserved.

However, what didn't help them was that they didn't have any leads to where Zurkoff would have put Clay if he wasn't here. They had a list of locations that Zurkoff had access too however it was a long list and they knew that Clay may not have that long for them to search each one. Even if they had Charlie team and the British SAS, it would be too long if Clay was indeed alive.

The only opinion they had was to get Zurkoff to tell them were Clay was. However, that was going to be easier said than done. Zurkoff was ex-Russian Special Forces which meant he was trained to cope with torture, which meant getting him to talk was going to be hard. And they were going to have a hard time stopping Sonny from beating the man to death. But only so they could find Clay after Ray was very happy to kill Zurkoff himself.

However then Jake's voice rang through their radios causing both of them to look at each other, gripping their weapons in a way to control their own anger. "_Bravo One I have eyes on Zurkoff and two bodyguards running down the dock in my direction," _

There was a sense of urgency in Jake's voice worried Ray. Had all their plans failed? If they lost Zurkoff now and if Clay wasn't there then they would likely lose him forever. And they wouldn't be able to bring their brother home.

Seconds later Jason's voice called through the radio giving new orders. "_Bravo Three with me, the rest of you clear this place. Brock find Clay." _

Ray now had a new plan, and Jason had given him it. Within seconds of Jason's orders, Ray grabbed his radio and called through what he needed. "Bravo Five this is Bravo Two, we have searched the boat but need you and Cerb to double-check it. But if he isn't in the warehouse then he has to be here. Make your way to us now."

Ray trusted that he and Trent had searched the boat but he couldn't be sure. Searching an old boat was always difficult because things could be changed, new levels could be added without changing the plans and he had seen boats with false hulls where drugs and armed dealers would hide their product. And it was possible that Clay was here but hidden away. All they needed to do was to find the hatch or door that shouldn't be there to find their brother.

Which was why they needed Cerberus. Their little hair missile wouldn't let them down, if Clay was there then he would find him. Cerberus had always been great at finding them; Brock had trained his partner to find each member of the team from the very beginning in case one of them was taken and needed to be found. And for some reason, whenever they did this, Cerberus could find Clay the quickest. Like the dog preferred Clay's scent the most. Not that they took it personally. Well, Sonny had.

However, Brock didn't mind. He knew that if anything happened to him at least he didn't need to worry about who would look after his fury partner. Cerberus had accepted Clay right from the beginning, and at least he would be happy with Clay. But that wasn't something that he had shared with the others on the team, mainly because they didn't want to think about the worst-case scenario. However he had made his wishes known to command, he had been teaching Clay some of the dog handers secrets. Clay loved to learn new skills, and with Cerb trusting the kid then Brock had taken the time to teach him a few tricks that he would need if he ever wanted to become a handler. But personally, Brock was getting Clay ready to take on Cerb if he was to be killed.

"_Copy that. On our way."_ Brock called through the radio, and they both caught Cerberus' bark of approval at the plan to find one of his pack. Ray knew that Cerb cared about the kid, so he had to trust Cerb to find Clay. He wouldn't fail them.

Trent nodded at Ray's plan, with Cerb checking each room it gave them a certainty that Clay wasn't there. Leaving Ray to his own thoughts Trent moved to the next room, which was sitting opposite the room they had been in. It was another storage room however had no crates in, only a few small bags that were stacked along one side of the wall. Something about the whole thing felt off like they were missing something. Something that was right in front of them. It was just the room looked wrong.

Then they heard someone moving above them, it was the unmistaken sound of Cerberus nails on the wood and whimpering. They knew that if Cerb was making all that noise then he was more likely dragging Brock along with him. Then the sound stopped, and Ray could almost see Brock making Cerberus sit before releasing him from his lead with orders to search. And then they heard it, the unmistakable sounds of Cerberus been set to work. They could hear all four of Cerberus feet on the ground as their four-legged teammate searched each room.

Ray had unconsciously started to cross off each room as they heard Cerberus move from one room to another. He knew that unlike them Cerberus wasn't driven by sight but by scent. Clay's scent. And it wasn't long before they hair missile was with them at the lower decks. However, the fact that Cerberus was with them down here meant that they hadn't failed when they had searched for their brother. It was just he wasn't above them. But that didn't mean he wasn't here however it was starting to become unlikely. But if Cerberus couldn't find him then they were searching in the wrong place.

Ray, however, did not move as Cerberus searched. Brock had told them once that if he set Cerberus off searching they weren't to move to stop Cerberus from getting distracted. Cerberus did two circles of the room he was in before trotting into the room that Trent was in.

Ray moved to follow Cerberus into the next room hoping that their four-legged teammate found something that told them where their brother was. However, as he got into the hallway he was met by Brock who looked like he had found it hard to keep up with Cerb. Something that often happened when Cerberus was out searching. It was why he had started to keep Cerberus on the lead when they were searching a hostile location that wasn't secure but this time he knew that the boat was safe and they needed to find Clay quickly and so Cerb was off-leash.

Their little hair missile was driven by his mission, find their lost brother and he was set in the mindset that everything else didn't matter. But if someone had hidden Clay in a way that wouldn't make discovery hard then Cerberus was the one to find it. They moved into the room and immediately saw Trent just stood in the middle of the room looking at the floor lost in his own world.

To be truthful, Trent hadn't even noticed Cerberus, Brock or Ray enter the room. Trent had been looking around the room for a while however noticed something a little odd about the floor. Unlike the other rooms, it looked like the floor had been worked on with new floorboards. Which was a little off since the rest of the wood looked like they were all original. This floor looked like it had been pulled up at one point.

All of a sudden the sound of barking broke the silence.

All three of them turned to see Cerberus laid down barking his head off. They all looked at him not understanding what he was doing. Cerberus just kept on looking at the floor whenever he felt their eyes on him.

"Cerberus find Clay," Brock ordered.

However Cerberus didn't move, instead, he just tilted his head looking confused before looking back down at the floor.

"What's wrong with him?" Ray asked turning to Brock. Who looked as confused as he was. This was something that Cerb had never done before. He was just laid down in the middle of the last room on the boat telling them that he had found Clay. Brock thought that maybe Clay had been thrown to the floor and left there before being taken off the boat, which was why Cerb had caught Clay's scent. However, Cerb wasn't indicating on the scent he was indicating that he had found Clay. All of his body languages showed that he was confident that he had found his lost packmate.

"Guys' I think there is a false floor here," Trent said moving towards Cerberus.

Trent had already taken off his medical bag and had placed it on the floor near the wall before crouching down on the floor and started to feel the wooden boards in front of Cerberus.

The wood was new, with an oily wax added to it, trying to make it match the old wood but they had failed at that. The old wood felt rotten and old when the newer wood still had the strength to it. He knew something was wrong with the floor as soon as he had entered the room as it felt odd underfoot. He wasn't worried about sinking into the wood there. Also, the nails were all new in the new wood-like they had not bothered to make it look all the same as the nails almost shone against the worn-out floor.

"I think there is a trap door here," Trent said as his hand ran across the wood. As he moved closer to the door, his hand ran across a chip in the wood however it wasn't just a chip. It was like a handle, and he could feel the almost finger impressions in the wood as if someone had used it with wet hands and the wood had softened due to it.

Without a second thought, Trent pulled against the wood lifting a whole board that had been glued together revealing a hatch. Quickly Brock moved to help lift the wood away from the hatch. It was big enough for a person to go inside and must have been used as a hidden room in order to smuggle weapons in and out of locations but also a good place to lock someone that they didn't want to escape. Like a Navy Seal who had destroyed one warehouse and had caused all of his problems.

Ray moved to help Trent to open the hatch which was jammed shut. 'Come on, come on' Ray started to mutter as they pulled against the hatch, trying to get it to open. The thing was clearly new and had come with the boat originally but from what Ray could remember wasn't in the boat's original plans which meant it had been added after it had been built. However, from the amount of rust that had formed around the hatch, Ray only guessed that Zurkoff didn't use the hatch but when Clay had become a problem it would be a perfect place to put him.

After two minutes of painful and aggressive pulling, Trent and Ray had been finally able to turn the hatch lock and quickly they lifted the hatch up. Looking down the hatch all they could see was water. Seawater from the smell and it was clear that the level was rising. Ray moved to see if he could see any further down into the room before without having to go down but he couldn't. The only option they had was to go down and check themselves, and so Ray quickly disconnected his assault rifle and handed it over to Brock who had already reconnected Cerberus to his lead to stop him from diving into the water.

"This thing is taken on water," Brock said looking down the hatch. He was now worried that the boat was in danger of going down but they needed to be sure that their brother wasn't there.

"Clay! Clay! Can you hear us?" Ray shouted down the hatch, hoping for a response.

If Clay was down there and awake then he should respond to them. However, Ray knew that if Clay was unconscious or close to death then there was a change that he couldn't answer him but he wanted to try. All he wanted to hear was Clay's voice again. He would even be happy with listening to Clay complain or back answer orders given by him or Jason. Anything other than the silence that greeted him.

"I'm going down," Ray said looking at Trent as he moved to find the ladders under his feet. Closely and carefully made his way down the ladders into the room below. He hoped in a way that he didn't find Clay as the cold water caused his body to shake with the shock of how cold it was. He didn't want to find Clay drowning but at the same time, Cerberus told them that their brother was here and he had to believe.

As he climbed down he stopped halfway down and began to search the room. It was the true hull of the boat but that only worried him more. The hull was letting the sea in which only worried him more as the longer they were onboard the more danger they were in.

Searching the far end, Ray only saw water but as he turned so his back was against the ladder his heart dropped. No. This wasn't happening and without a second thought, he dived into the water quickly shouting to his brother's above. "Trent get down here now!"

A short swim away was their brother, face down in the water.

'No. No. No. Come on brother.' Ray muttered as he got to Clay and quickly pulled his brother's head from the water. He was deadly pale. This wasn't happening, but sadly it was. Without meaning too, Ray held Clay's face between his hands like he thought that he would never be able to hold his brother again. Clay was too young to be in this life and too young to die like this. It wasn't fair.

They all called Clay the kid as he was the youngest but he was their brother and they cared about him. They were the only family Clay had as the only blood family he had, had let him down too often. Bravo was Clay's family, and they weren't going to fail him again. He was their little brother but to Jason mainly but also for Ray, Clay had become a son to them. He had taken a back foot when Jason had taken more of an interest. However, to him, Clay was more than a little brother. It was Adam who had first pointed out Clay to him and from that moment he saw something in the kid. Something special. And when Clay was hurt or something was wrong with him, Ray felt his father instinct come through and at this very moment it was flowing from every pore of him.

He was snapped out of his train of thought by a splash from behind him and soon Trent was alongside him grabbing hold of Clay like he needed to touch his brother to make sure that he was real. All their searching had been worth it. They had their brother but that didn't mean he was safe.

"His head was underwater," Ray reported, he knew that Trent needed to know everything.

Trent nodded and quickly got to work. His hands ran down his brother's arms and found them all tied, and he guessed that Clay's legs were also tied. The pink tint in the water, however, worried him, and that was without thinking about what was going on inside Clay's body. The bruising had already formed all over Clay's face, neck and from what he could see travelled down into his chest.

"I got him, you need to cut him free so we can get him out of here. I can't check him with him tied to this thing." Trent said moving so he took hold of Clay's head. Ray nodded and quickly dived down to work on getting his brother free.

However, this left Trent alone with their brother. However, he couldn't stop his mind from going to the worst-case scenario. With one hand supporting Clay's head to keep it out of the water, he started to run his other hand over Clay's chest. He felt Clay's ribs move with the slightest which worried him however it was what it wasn't going that now set him on high alert. He kicked himself for not seeing it soon and quickly put his fingers against Clay's neck hoping for a pulse.

There wasn't one.

At that moment, Ray popped back up from the water and before he could move, he was greeted by Trent's fearful face. "We gotta get him out of here, he isn't breathing and I can't find a pulse."

Ray almost froze but then got to work on Clay's right arm and leg. Trent was now supporting most of Clay's bodyweight however he was now more worried that he was letting his brother die in his arms if they didn't get him out of here soon. Turning so he could see outside the hatch he shouted up to Brock. "Brock get the defib out of my kit and the bottle of oxygen ready!"

Brock appeared at the hatch and nodded before moving to where Trent had put down his kit. At the same time, Trent could hear Jason's voice through Brock's radio, "_Bravo Two, any sign of Bravo Six." _

Brock ignored it and got to work on what Trent needed. He had unattached Cerb but had ordered him to remain at the door. He didn't need him getting in the way.

Trent needed to get everything ready for him to work on Clay as soon as they got him out of the water. Trent had started to notice a blue tint that was barely visible when they first got to him had gotten darker. Clay was been starved of oxygen and he had no idea how long Clay had been underwater. So he could only guess how long Clay's brain was suffering from hypoxia.

He moved slightly in order to get a better hold on Clay and found him free of the post. Ray appeared at Clay's side taking some of the weight and they quickly pulled Clay through the water towards the hatch. Brock appeared at the hatch in order to help, there was no way that Brock could lift Clay's dead weight and so they needed to come up with a plan to get him out of the water. So Ray knew that Trent needed to be out of the water in order to work on Clay as soon as they had gotten him out of the water.

And so Trent handed over Clay to Ray, knowing that Ray's plan made sense, before making his way up the ladder and quickly moved to one side of the hatch and was joined by Brock. He had perfectly set up everything they needed to try to save Clay. Cerberus had started to whine like he knew what was happening but didn't leave from where he was. He had been given orders and so he would remain where he was. That didn't mean he liked it, Cerberus was itching to be near Clay but didn't want to be in the way.

Then Brock's radio cracked the silence again with Jason's voice. "_Bravo Two report?"_

Ray had already started to move up the ladder still hold Clay. Brock couldn't keep his other brothers in the dark anymore so responded. "Bravo One this is Bravo Five. We have Bravo Six…"

But before he could finish Trent shouted as he took hold of Clay's arm. "...Get that chopper here now!"

Trent didn't care if his voice sounded panicky, because he was panicking. Every second Clay was being starved of oxygen the less chance they had of getting the brother they knew back. Brock quickly helped pull Clay though the hatch and dragged their brother away from the hatch and closer to the medical equipment that he had set up.

Brock had moved to start CPR, however, Trent stopped him. "No! You'll kill him."

Brock wanted to snap back at Trent but also wanted his brother to explain what he was thinking. They all trusted Trent when they were injured but this time Brock wanted more. However, knew that he might have to wait for that until Trent had assessed Clay.

Trent started to cut off Clay's shirt and froze at the sight of Clay's chest. The bruising was angry and covered his entire body. However that wasn't his main concern at the moment, it was the fact that he wasn't breathing nor had a pulse.

"Bloody hell," Ray muttered as he climbed out of the hatch himself. Seeing Clay's broken body scared him that maybe they had gotten to him too late. That all their effects would be in vain

Trent ignored them and quickly tried Clay's chest before setting up the defib on Clay's chest and quickly set it going. "Why not do CPR?" Ray asked. Not hearing Trent's early comment.

"His ribs are broken and they are moving with the slightest of pressure if we try CPR there is a risk that his rib would collapse his lungs or even go into his heart. We can't risk that without some serious medical equipment with us." Trent said as Brock grabbed the Bag valve mask out of the medical bag and started to push air into Clay's lungs.

"Clear," Trent called and Brock backed away as Trent sent an electric shock through Clay's body.

Ray had to turn away as they watched as Clay's body jerked upwards, he hated this. Not being able to go anything but watch as Trent tried to save Clay. As soon as it, Trent continued to shock Clay trying to get Clay's heart to restart. But it looked like it didn't want too.

The sound of people running caused Ray to turn to the door to see Jason with a bloody shoulder and Sonny in the doorway. "Damn it," Sonny muttered as he made way for Archie to get into the room and started to help Trent with Clay. When a shock didn't work, they started to inject adrenaline in through an I.V that Archie had placed.

"How bad?" Jason mutter to Ray not wanted to disturb Trent and Archie as they tried to get Clay back.

"Found him face down in the water. God, Jason he isn't breathing and his ribs are too smashed to get us to try CPR." Ray said rubbing his face.

All of a sudden the sound of a helicopter blades overhead caused most of them to look up, it had been less than five minutes since Jason had called for the helicopter. Then they heard something like a helicopter landing close by. Soon they were joined by Chris and Johnny as they carried down a stretcher before handing it over to Trent and Archie who quickly got to work loading Clay into it.

However before they moved to get Clay out of there, Trent sent one last shock through Clay's body. They all took in a breath as they waited for the defib to speak.

Thankfully for everyone and Clay, and with Archie checking Clay's pulse the found it.

Johnny turned to Jason and reported, "The Brits are saying the helo can only take you and Clay to the ship, the rest of us will have to wait for it to return or go with the rib that is still outside."

Jason nodded, he didn't want to separate his team however he had to trust in the medical team onboard the Navy Ship. Clay needed treatment but didn't want Clay to be alone. At least he could be with him on the flight however knew that as soon as they landed on board then Clay would be alone again. Jason didn't want to leave Clay alone again, he didn't want their kid to wake up alone and in a strange place.

Clay's heart was beating again. That was the most positive thing they had and was the only thing they could hold onto. However he wasn't breathing, and so Brock continued to breathe for him. It was the only thing he could do for Clay now as he had to let Trent and Archie work on his brother.

"We move on three. One, two, three." Trent called after motioning to Sonny and Ray to help moved to help lift Clay. Jason had wanted to help but couldn't. Not with his shoulder. And with the four of them, with Brock still breathing for him made their way out of the room and up to the upper deck.

Ray just wanted Clay off the boat and away from the hell that the kid had suffered. The horror of seeing Clay face down haunted him but he had no idea what had been going through Clay's head down there but he wouldn't have to face them alone. However he wasn't stupid to think that Clay would be the same as before after what he had gone through, but they were a family and they would be there for him.

As they climbed out onto the deck, they were greeted by the sight of an AW159 Wildcat sat on the dock with two medical officers stood with what looked like a medical kit. They had their backs to them put from what Trent could see they were getting monitors ready to watch Clay's vitals.

As the team reached the helicopter, one of the medics jumped back into the chopper and helped pull Clay inside and in turn, took over Brock's role of breathing for Clay. The other turned and looked at each of them before his eyes locked on Jason.

"Sir, you are coming to. Commander Dawson only wants the injured first so we can get them treated immediately. The others will have to wait for the other helicopter to land, it's just above us now and will get you back to the ship. Anyone who isn't scared of a little water can use the rib." The officer said.

Jason nodded, the Brit had a point. So he turned to Ray who nodded. "Go, we'll meet you on board."

Jason sighed but nodded before climbing into the helicopter himself. It was only a few seconds later did they take to the sky. The Royal Navy pilots were something else and Jason knew from what he heard the medics mutter that they were pushing the limits of what the Wildcat could do. After hooking up Clay to the monitors and starting some fluids and the first of what Jason knew was going to be many, blood bags. The lines on the screen made no sense to Jason but he couldn't take his eyes off them as it told him that Clay's heart was beating. And beating strong from what it showed.

This wasn't meant to happen. Clay wasn't meant to be fighting for his life all over again and yet again he had been alone when doing it. He didn't care if he lost his rank or his position as Bravo One when he came face to face with Admiral Mason they were going to have words.

"One minute." The co-pilot called from the cockpit.

Jason turned to look out of one of the windows and saw just in front of them the Dragon. HMS Dragon, it's fiery red-painted dragon along its side cut through the blue of the sea. It had only taken them five minutes to get to her, five minutes. It had been five minutes since they had saved Clay, got his heart beating again and saved him from a watery grave.

Jason also knew that if they hadn't expected the Brit's help then it would have been at least a forty-minute flight back to base. Something that he guessed Clay wouldn't have survived. He owed the Brits a lot more than a pack of beer or a bottle of whisky. He owed them everything.

Without noticing they soon were touching down onto the ship's deck. And once again Clay was quickly whisked away and inside the ship. Jason followed, watched closely by one of the medics that had flown with them. As soon as Clay had been handed over to the ships' doctors, the medic took his chance and pushed Jason into one of the other beds before starting to check his own wound. But they weren't alone for long. Four minutes after the medic had started to look at his wound, in walked the commander of the ship he was on. The man was in his late forties with light brown hair but carried himself proudly.

"Master Chief the rest of your team is on the way here now, however the sniper team had chosen to come by rib so it will take them a little longer however we have enough room on board to settle everyone until yourself and Petty Officer Spencer is cleared to fly or if we need to transfer." Commander Dawson said looking over the Seal in front of him.

"Thank Sir. For everything." Jason said, he didn't know what else to say to the man who had saved one of his own team and his life. It was his men that in turn killed Zurkoff.

"No thanks needed. However, I do like a good whiskey from time to time. Maybe you could find me a good bottle to try." Dawson answered with a smile. That, in turn, caused Jason to smile, Brits often hated American alcohol and beer the most but they gave credit for their whiskey at least.

"Be an honour, Sir," Jason replied with a nod.

"Good, rest now Master Chief. You are safe here." Dawson said he patted Jason's shoulder softly gripping it for a second before taking his leave.

Jason knew that he was safe here, being on a destroyer meant not only was he safe but his brothers were as well. All he had to do now was wait for any news on Clay. The good or the bad.


	14. Waiting Game

Chapter Fourteen

Jason couldn't thank HMS Dragon's crew enough for what they had done for them.

Not only did they break their tour rote to come to their aid but also they had helped get Clay the help he so desperately needed. Without them, Jason didn't want to think about what would have happened. But more likely they would be taking Clay home in a box. He didn't want to think about that however couldn't help it. His mind was working overtime and he couldn't stop it. He had failed a brother before and had lost him because of his mistake.

This whole situation caused him to think of Nate. He had taken his eyes off Nate for only a few seconds as they climbed into the boat and the next time he saw his brother he was dead. He had bled out right next to him, and he hadn't even noticed it. He had his brother's blood on his hands. And he could see it on his skin and felt himself rub his hands along his leg like he was trying to remove the blood that stained his hands. But Clay wasn't Nate. And he couldn't fail Clay like he Nate. He couldn't survive that, he had lost too many people that he cared about in only a short amount of time for him to be able to just move on. Clay was like a son to him, he was old enough to be Clay's father and maybe it would have been better for Clay if he was his father. Ash was no father to the kid, yes he had helped when they had tried to get Swanny a purple heart but he couldn't forgive the man for what he had done to the kid. And knew that Clay felt the same.

After Commander Dawson had left the room, he had been left in the care of the medical officer that had flown with him with Clay. The man looked a little older than Clay, with brown short cut hair and green eyes. He hadn't noticed before however could clearly see a scar that ran down the man's neck, Jason could tell that fire had caused the scarring and it looked deep. Working on a ship was always dangerous but he could tell that the man never let his scar hold him back.

The other officer that had travelled with them had remained with Clay. Jason hadn't noticed much about the other man, other than that he was older than the officer that was with him and had black thick hair. They had taken him into the room next door and before the door had closed he had seen that a full medical team had been standing by for him. But that only worried him more, had they gotten to Clay too late?

Roger, the medic that had remained with him had done everything he could get updates as time went on. However, Roger's main focus was on Jason's wound. It was only a scratch to him but he had a feeling that to Roger it wasn't.

Before starting to clean the wound, Roger had cut away at Jason's shirt and top so he had access to his full shoulder. Sitting on the bed topless, Jason could see all his other scars that littered his body. All of them had a story behind them and others just reminded him about how close he had come to going home in a box. But there were a few that haunted him as they reminded him of people he had lost. One of his scars that lay on the top of his right hip, which happened during a mission in Afghanistan. It had been a simple op, and everything had gone to plan until the end. They had been ambushed and both him and Nate had been cut off from the rest of the team, so they had taken shelter in one of the abandoned buildings that surrounded them.

However, their enemies had spotted them. An RPG suddenly hit the wall collapsing it, trapping both him and Nate inside. Nate escaped with only shrapnel however he had suffered a broken hip with multiple shrapnel wounds and a bad concussion. He had been lucky then, they both had. But Jason had a feeling that maybe his luck was running out. He just hoped that when it came down to his time that he wouldn't take one of his brothers with him. If it was his time then it was his time. He couldn't live with himself if one of his brothers lost their lives to save his. He was Bravo One which meant he was responsible for them, not the other way round.

As Roger cleaned Jason's wound, he had kept him talking throughout the whole thing. Talked about anything and everything. Jason knew what he was doing and welcomed the fact that he could talk to someone who wouldn't judge him due to his rank and what he did. He couldn't do that with any of his team, not even Ray. He trusted his best friend but at the same time, he couldn't talk freely with him like he could with Roger. It was a little odd for him to open up to a complete stranger, however, knew that the young officer was only trying to help him. Mainly for two reasons. One to keep his mind off whatever was going on in the other room and the other was to make sure that he himself didn't go into shock.

Jason guessed by how much blood was on his sleeve and arm that he had lost quite a bit of blood so going into shock was a real possibility. But also with all the adrenaline that had been in his system could possibly come back to haunt him. He had suffered from adrenaline crashes before and knew that with blood loss, it could be dangerous. And so Jason kept talking as Roger flushed his wound with warm saline.

After successfully cleaned out the wound Roger started to stitch the wound closed. Thankfully Roger had no pushed him for a general anaesthetic as Jason did not want to miss any updates on Clay's condition but hadn't waited for permission before injecting a local anaesthetic into the area so he wouldn't feel him stitch the wound closed.

Roger may be older than Clay but Jason guessed not by much, however, it was clear to tell that Roger had dealt with difficult patients before by the way he dealt with him. Not that he was always difficult, only when it came down to the safety of his men or when he was injured. But he knew that there were others that would disagree with him. Eric, Ray and Trent only naming a few.

It only took Roger twenty minutes from when he started to the end to close his wound. Thankfully the round hadn't pierced into his shoulder completely but instead had only ripped through his muscle to his shoulder. However, from what Roger had said, the round had gone deep through the deltoid muscle and had just missed his humerus which meant that if the muscle didn't heal properly he was looking at some problems with his shoulder in the future. With the last stitch in place, he removed any blood left on his arm and started to slowly dress the wound to stop any infection setting in. Using some melolin with some manuka honey which had antibacterial properties that would help fight and keep out infections. He then placed on a cloth bandage over to hold everything in place. However, by doing so Jason couldn't move his shoulder very much but that was the point. He needed his shoulder to heal if he had any chance of returning to the field.

"We are all done, Master Chief. You may want to get it checked when you get back to the States as it might need to be restitched as the stitches I have used will dissolve with water. Also, there is a risk that the stitches in the muscle might break down anyway and will need restitching. Keep it clean and I will give you an injection of antibiotics to fight infection and you will need to take at least a week's worth to make sure that it doesn't set in." Roger said and quickly got to work on making up the medication.

"Will it scar?" Jason asked looking down at his bandaged arm, he had looked at the wound before Roger had bandaged it. He had been amazed at how neat Roger's work was. Not that he would ever admit it because he valued his life but it was neater than anything he had seen Trent do. He had thought about asking to see if Roger was available for them to borrow for a mission when the two countries worked together. But knew that it was unlikely. Roger belonged to the British Royal Navy and had duties to perform for his own country so it was unlikely that the British Navy would allow one of their own sailors to work so closely with the Navy Seals.

Roger turned to face him with the tablets still in his hand as he counted them with a small smile. "Sadly yes, but not a big one."

Jason nodded, however, in the end, he didn't care if it scarred. Because it would make him remember how close he had come to losing one of his brothers and be taking them home in a box. His wound would eventually fade. Unlike his own memories. Those would haunt him till the day he died. Seeing one of his own men laying there, cold with no pulse and not breathing hurt him even more than the pain he was feeling in his arm.

Clay was one of his men and it was his job to protect him, he should have done more to stop this from happening. The kid was just a kid. Sometimes Jason forgot how young Clay really was. He was the youngest out of all of them, god when he thought about it, he was still a normal Seal at Clay's age and only dreamt about becoming a member of Seal Team Six. The kid had a lot going for him, and he only hoped that the kid was strong enough to fight the new challenges that now lay ahead of them.

But what really worried him was the fact that they had no idea how long Clay had gone without oxygen, he remembered something that was told to them during training that the instructors drilled into them. The human body could survive without oxygen for around 3 minutes before they would fall unconscious, and between four to six minutes before permanent brain damage occurred.

Jason could only guess and hoped that Clay have stopped just before they had found him. As it meant that Clay hadn't gone very long without oxygen. But he knew that they wouldn't be that lucky. The fact that Clay's heart was still beating didn't give him any hope either. The kid that he cared about still could be gone. Brain damage was almost certain. But how bad was something they wouldn't know until he came round? If he ever did.

Jason was quickly snapped out of his head by a sharp scratch in his arm. He turned quickly and pulled away from direction only to see Roger stood next to him with a syringe in his hand. When he had been trapped in his head he hadn't heard Roger get the injection of the antibiotic ready nor did he approach him. Roger knew that he had surprised the man but didn't care. He just grinned as he returned to syringe to the disposal unit and collected a small tablet bottle from the desk.

He turned and handed the bottle to him before sitting himself down onto the chair he had been using as he stitched his arm up. Jason looked down at the bottle and saw that there were a dozen or so small white tablets inside it. Jason looked up when he heard Roger begin to speak.

"Remember to take them with food. If you miss a dose then just take it when you remember and count from there. Don't double-take them coz you forgot. No alcohol and keep the wound clean, I'm guessing your medic carries the stuff you need. If not, well I think we can make up a small kit to keep it clean until you get back to the states." Roger finished he leant back in his chair, looking at him.

Jason listened to what Roger was telling him but not completely, his main focus was in the other room. With Clay. Now that his wound was sewn up, all he cared about was his man who was fighting for his life. He knew that he was being watched, both for medical reasons but also because he had a feeling that the man sitting across from him was worried about him.

"We got the best doctors on board." Roger started and waited for Jason to look at him before continuing. "Got to admit, Hall is a little strange but all scousers are. I might be a little biased, as I'm a Mancunian." Roger said shrugging his shoulders with a small smile on his face.

Jason looked at him confused at what all the names meant. He had never heard those names before and it must have been clear on his face because Roger chuckled and then spoke again.

"Forgot you Yanks don't know our terms. He's from Liverpool as I'm from Manchester. We have a fierce rivalry in football that goes back years." Roger said smiling.

"Football?" Jason said with a small smile. He knew that the Brits' football wasn't the same as theirs.

"Football as in the amazing sport that you Yanks destroyed by calling it soccer," Roger said pointing at him before looking over at the desk before picking up a clipboard and started to fill in the top sheet of paper. A grin was on his face at the last comment.

Jason chuckled and shook his head at the comment. One of the biggest problems he had with working with the Brits was in stopping Sonny from getting into a blazing fight over that exact topic. He never had the heart to tell Sonny that as it was a British sport they could call it whatever they wanted. Also, he didn't want to have to listen to Sonny complain about it for the entire tour.

"Anyway…" Roger said shaking his head and getting back to his paperwork. "...your man is in good hands. If anyone can save him, it's Hall."

The two men sat in silence for a few minutes as Roger completed his paperwork. As he finished the last box he looked up to see Jason sat staring at the room of which Clay was in. Roger felt for the man, it was clear to him that the man in front of him cared deeply for his man that was only in the next room fighting for his life. The room that they had taken him into was known on the ship as the surgery room, it had been set up in case anything terrible happened onboard and they needed to perform life-saving surgery. However, he wasn't going to tell Jason that.

He had worked with Seals in the past, both on deployments and training and knew that the Seal teams were very much like the people on the ship. They were a family and that meant when one of them was hurt, they all felt the pain. And seeing a member of your family as pale as Clay had been when they had brought him onboard only made the pain worse.

Roger put his pen down on the clipboard and looked at him for a few moments before speaking. "Want me to go and see if there's any news on your man?"

Jason looked at Roger. He knew the man meant well but at the same time, he didn't want to know only pieces of Clay's condition as he knew that his mind would play horrible tricks on him making him think the worse. He needed to know everything so he could make the best action plan. And so Jason shook his head, what he needed was his team.

"When will my team get here?" Jason asked. He needed the other members of his team close to him. He couldn't afford to lose anyone else and so he needed them in his sight. As now he had found a running pattern, whenever he lost people he cared about, it was when he took his eyes off them.

But before Roger could answer a voice from the doorway stopped him that caused both of them to jump and took towards the door. In the middle of the door stood Ray and he was alone which worried him. His second in command was wet and looked as tired as Jason felt. Before he could say anything Ray spoke first.

"Don't worry, I left the guys getting something to eat. Just wanted to come and check on you." Ray said as he entered the room. But instead of waiting for Jason to reply he turned to Roger. "How is he?" He asked.

"Wound should heal as long as he doesn't do anything crazy. And he takes his meds." Roger said looking at Ray but then turned back to Jason remembering something that he hadn't brought up early because he knew that he would need back up on the topic.

"Do you want any pain meds? I can give you a small dose to start you off if that shoulder starts to bother you, or give you something to take if the pain gets too bad." Roger, however, knew the answer he was going to get and he wasn't wrong.

Jason immediately shook his head, he didn't want any pain killers to dull his pain. He wanted to feel it. It sounded odd, but he wanted to feel even the smallest amount of pain that he could only guess Clay went through. He looked up to see a very disapproval look from Ray.

"I need to think and don't want to have to worry about my head been messed up by drugs," Jason admitted and placed his head in his hand before running his fingers through his hair. He knew that Ray understood as he knew his friend felt the same. They all did. Pain meds could mess with their heads and right now he needed to think clearly.

"A small dose wouldn't do anything like that. Might help you get some much-needed sleep." Roger said looking at him. Jason and Ray both guessed that they must look like hell to the medic in front of them, and Jason guessed that he looked even worse in the eyes of Commander Dawson. But before he could rest he needed to know Clay was ok.

After a short pause, Roger spoke again. "Look if you want to wait for Hall's report, I can wait but only if you promise to let me give you something and you rest after. I'm guessing as soon as Clay is stable enough to be moved you guys will be flown off the ship but you needed to sleep. A few hours kip wouldn't kill you."

Ray was starting to like the medic even more now. He knew that the whole team needed to sleep, for god's sake he had left Brock already passed out on a couch in the wardroom when he left to find Jason and Trent wasn't far behind him. Brock had only sat down to try to relax a little and the next thing they knew their brother was fast asleep with Cerberus fast asleep next to him with his muzzle on his brother's lap.

They were all tired and needed some good rest however Ray knew what was playing in Jason's head. Nate. Losing their brother was hard but then they had lost Alana, Adam, Swanny and now they were very close to losing Clay. They needed to know he was safe and alive. And that was the only way they were going to get Jason to rest.

"Deal," Ray said for Jason. Even if it meant pinning the man down to let Roger's inject his friend he would do it. Jason pulled a face but guessed that he would unlikely win that argument, not with Ray backing the medic. However soon the door that lead to where Clay had been taken.

The man was around forty and was clearly a lieutenant from his rank epaulettes that was on his shirt entered the room. However, what worried Jason the most was the amount of blood that was still clearly visible on the man's arms. It looked like he had tried to remove it before coming to find them. Jason caught the name of the man's shirt as Hall and knew that this was Clay's doctor.

"I'm guessing you're here for the Seal?" Hall asked, Jason, caught the man's accent very clearly and understood now what Roger was talking about. He could easily tell that the two men came from different parts of the UK, however, that didn't matter right now. His focus was on Clay.

"How's my guy?" Jason asked standing up for the first time and felt the effects of his blood loss. He gripped hold of the bed to stop himself from face planting the floor. He could tell that Roger was worried about that very problem as he had also gotten to his feet and had moved close to him, just in case he needed to catch the man.

"Your man is in critical condition and I don't expect any improvements for the next few days." Hall started before looking between the two Seals in front of him.

"We have been able to stop the major bleeding in his abdomen however he is still critical. His blood volume is in the drain. We are giving him a mixture of fluids, blood and platelets in order to try to stabilise him but it is still touch and go."

Jason wasn't liking what he was hearing, he knew Clay was in trouble but from what he was hearing Clay was in serious trouble. They may have rescued him from Zurkoff but there was no guarantee that Clay would survive the trip home.

"First he had bleeding from his liver, spleen and both kidneys, all I am guessing from beatings that happened multiple times and at different stages from the different layers of bruisings. I have been able to stop the bleeding but that is only a temporary thing. He is going to need more surgeries and ones I can't do them here as he needs a lot more stable before that can happen." Hall stopped, taking in a breath and then looking down at the chart in his hand.

Jason could feel his pulse in his mouth again. He knew Clay would have likely been beating but to cause that much internal damage, a wave of new anger towards Zurkoff and his men fired in him. He clenched his fist trying to control his anger, and wishing he could use both arms as all he wanted to do was to go back and beat Zurkoff's lifeless body.

"Also…" Hall started again, causing Jason's anger to turn back to worry.

"...he has a cracked skull and sadly I had to relieve the pressure that was forming inside his skull with a procedure called a craniectomy. However, without a CT I can't tell you how badly his brain has suffered and not from just the pressure but also from the swelling. " Hall paused to let the news sink in before continuing.

Jason didn't like what he was hearing, nor did he want to know any more. Hearing that the doctor had to Clay's skull open was bad enough but to think about what that meant for his brother scared him more. If Clay survived this he may never be the same again.

"We have no idea how long he went without oxygen and when I reinflated his left lung I found traces of water in it, meaning he must have entered the water when he could still breath. It is more likely that he lost consciousness and fell under the water. His right lung wasn't as bad but it will need to be watched in case it collapses as well. He also has multiple fractures to his ribs and sternum, broken collarbone on the right side with fractures in his shoulder blade."

Now Jason and Ray knew that Hall was sparing them the details on what he had really found by giving them the bare minimum of details. And to be truthful, they were grateful for it. They knew Clay was in a bad way but hearing it from a doctor only made it worse as he could tell them how and what had caused the wounds if they asked and they both had a pretty good idea how.

"His gunshot wound to his abdomen was closed very well and remained so. There was a small tear in the stitches in the muscle layer but other than that it held. Other than multiple cuts and bruises and without a full CT scan I can't give you anything else." Hall finished and looked at the two men carefully, he had noticed that Roger had taken a few more steps closer to the injured Seal in case the news knocked the man.

Ray and Jason both looked at each other and knew what they needed to do. They had to get Clay home. And soon.

Hall, like he knew what the look between them meant spoke once again.

"I have spoken to the CO and we have agreed that it would be best to get Clay to the states as soon as possible. He is on a vent and I have spoken to your team's doctor so the transfer can happen as soon as possible. But we have a problem with that too…" Hall started to say but Jason jumped in.

"What do you mean?" He demanded. If his brother needed a hospital then he would make it happen.

"There's a storm coming in," Hall explained. "We might be able to get him out on a helo but it might be a rough ride. We have a pilot that is will and able to get him back to the base you guys were at which has a hospital staff and equipment that he needs but he has to go in the next thirty minutes if he is to make it before it hits us." Hall said rubbing his face, the young Seal had been a challenge and he had a feeling that he was only getting started.

"So let's go," Jason said clearly not understanding the problem.

"If we send him, only me and one of the nurses can go with him along with the chopper's crew. There isn't enough room for Clay's equipment which at the moment is keeping him alive." Hall said now looking at Jason directly. He needed to get the man to understand what he was saying. They couldn't go with them.

"I have already agreed to the plan and the helo is been prepared as we speak. It's his only chance." Hall added now allowing all of his worry to be seen by the men in front of him. And those words haunted Jason as he watched as the helicopter set off from the bridge.

Hall was right. Clay's best chance was to get him to the base hospital where they had more equipment and staff to get him the treatment he so desperately needed. Even if it meant letting Clay leave them to go to the hospital alone. Sonny wasn't happy about it but it was a done deal. They had already loaded him into the helicopter when the rest of the team were told about the plan. Brock had not spoken but had turned his attention to Cerberus who had whined at the information, his four-legged friends needed comfort as much as he did right now. Trent had gone silent and after a few whispered had been able to get hold of Clay's medical report and had sat down and read it back to back over twenty times. Sonny just paced the wardroom they had been given and muttered under his breath. Things that the others couldn't make out.

On the bridge, Jason and Ray watched with Commander Dawson as the helicopter had taken off. The rest of the team had been ordered to rest after being given a complete check-up by the ship's medical staff. Commander Dawson had promised them that as soon as the weather allowed his pilots to take off they would follow Clay and as they were sailing in the direction of the base, their trip wouldn't be as long.

However, Jason knew why Commander Dawson wasn't sending out both of his choppers out in the storm. The Commander wasn't about to let his ship go without air support for that long period of time. The ship only had two helicopters and if they called out on a mayday call then they might need a helicopter onboard. Also, Commander Dawson wasn't going to risk the safety of all his flight crews. They were his family and like Jason were his responsibility.

What that meant for them that they would have to remain on board HMS Dragon until they were cleared to fly. The ship's crew had welcomed Jason's team, the support team and the CIA agents onboard, but at the end of the day, they all knew that they were on a working destroyer who had other duties to complete. Thankfully Roger had been able to find a change of clothes for all parties and allowed them to shower and change so they were more comfortable. Trent and Ray were the first to go as both were still set from their swim in the hull rescuing Clay.

However with Clay going to the hospital first, it meant by the time they had gotten to the hospital, they would likely get more details of Clay's injures. But more importantly, they would see their brother in a more stable condition.

It was all they could hope for and what they all prayed for.


	15. Going Home

Chapter fifteen

Eric was watching his men closely as they took off from the airstrip on their way home. The atmosphere was thick with stress and worry, and all of it aimed towards their teammate who lay at the end of the plane. The plane was silent other than the mutters heard from the cockpit which Eric knew where the pilots have a small conversation between each other or answering the radio transmissions between the radio towers they were hitting and home base. The only other noise they could hear came from the end of the plane. The harsh beeping sound of Clay's hospital machines that told them that he was still with them.

People were also moving around the plane, but it wasn't the team nor the support team. They were either asleep or settled down for the flight. The people moving around were their medics and the team's doctors. Eric knew that his medical team were working around the clock carefully watching Clay to make sure that he was settled for the flight. The team doctor had agreed with the base doctor that keeping Clay heavily sedated during the flight to stop him from trying to wake up and fighting the vent. But that was only for their peace of mind.

During his stay at the hospital on base, Clay had shown no sign of waking up or even fighting the vent. The doctors had told Eric that they had hoped that he would have at least tried to breath on his own but hadn't. They didn't know why, yes, he was seriously injured and if might have to do with the trauma to his lungs but they couldn't be sure that Clay's brain injury was the reason.

What helped the team was to know that Clay would be comfortable and not in pain for his flight home however the same couldn't be said for everyone else on the plane. Eric knew that he would have to watch his team very carefully for the next few weeks. He knew something that they didn't. One of the surgeons who had worked on Clay had told him in private that there was very little chance that Clay would ever regain consciousness and if he did then his days as an operator was over. However, he couldn't bring himself to tell the team. They needed hope and he wasn't going to destroy that. But thinking back, he had a feeling that the lads already knew that Clay's life was hanging by a thread. Thinking back to when he first saw Clay haunted him, however, he knew that his team would have worse images in their head. Seeing Clay not breathing or without a heartbeat.

He thought back to when he had heard from HMS Dragon that Clay was on his way to them. As soon as it had gotten word he had left the plane and headed directly to the base hospital. He knew that he should technically wait until the helicopter had touched down but he couldn't just sit there waiting for word when the doctors had dealt with Clay. He needed to be there.

And so he stood there, inside the base hospital looking through the double doors out onto the helicopter pad as the rain fell. He tried to sit down in one of the chairs that lined the hall but couldn't. Inside he just leant against the wall and took long sips of his hot coffee that one of the nurses had brought him as he waited. He had done his best to keep out of the way of the medical staff as he knew that they were the people who would keep his man alive. He had watched as they brought in more machines than he had seen before, three large bags labelled blood and a full tray of fluids. He remembered that the base doctors had been in contact with the medical team on board HMS Dragon.

However, he knew that another reason why he was stood there was that because Clay's brothers couldn't follow him. With them stuck onboard the Navy destroyer, Clay would be alone. So it was up to him to keep Clay in his sights. He had gotten the full story of how they had found Clay from Jason over a secure channel that they had set up. He needed to know what had happened and did not want to wait for the AAR. However, as soon as he had been told he found a small part of him wished he had waited. What also didn't help was that Jason was full of emotion that Eric could almost feel it bleed from the man's voice through the radio.

To Eric, like the rest of Bravo, believed that the team was his family. Personally, Eric might be the commander of Bravo team however that did mean that he had drawn a line between his men and him. He knew each of them well. Some better than others. Knew their weaknesses and strengths better than they knew themselves. Which meant he could better protect them. And that was his task when he sent his men into the field. To keep them safe.

However, he knew that every mission was a new challenge for all of them. He sent his men into danger every day and knew that sometimes he would send his men into situations that could cause one of them not to come home. And he had to live with those decisions which often haunted him as every time he closed his eyes he could see the faces of the men that he had failed to bring home. He knew that Jason with the rest of Bravo planned how they would complete their missions and executed it with everything they had however at the end of the day, it was him who gave the order to execute the mission. So in the end, it was his order that sent his men into harm's way. All the training in the world couldn't make them bulletproof. He knew that their job was dangerous and death was always one step away. But that didn't stop himself from blaming himself, however, he knew that he wasn't the only one.

As Eric waited in the hall, he watched as the rain fell against the window. He had no idea how long it would take for the storm to pass, nor how long it would be before Commander Dawson could give the order to launch the helicopters and only when the other one had returned. He knew that it would take at least two or three trips as with the support team and the CIA agents they would have to wait for all of his men to return before they could start planning their trip home.

As soon as the word came in that Bravo had Clay, Eric made the call for the hospital to be ready for their man however also he had heard Admiral Mason order the MPs to remove Jones from the plane and into a cell as he ordered for another military plane to be made ready for himself and Jones. Mandy had also told him that the CIA agents had also been ordered to travel with Jones and the Admiral and they were to travel as soon as they touched down.

Eric was so thankful that Admiral Mason had planned to get Jones away from Bravo as soon as the CIA agents arrived because keeping his men from killing the man would take all the strength he had left. But he had a feeling that they would wait till they were in the air to do anything. Leaving the traitor who had caused the death of four men and near-death of one of their own wasn't a good idea. And more so when that man was on the same plane as Sonny. Eric had a feeling that he wouldn't be able to control his hot-headed Seal for very long, and that was even with help from the others. Travelling over the North Atlantic at ten thousand feet sadly would give Sonny the idea of making Jones swim back home.

Maybe Jones deserve that however this time they weren't the judge, jury and executioner. That job was up to the CIA directors however he would make sure that they own command had a say in what would happen. Clay was a Navy Seal and Jones had planned for him to die. He was not going to get away with that. Not if he had anything to do with it and he knew Harrington would feel the same. Along with Admiral Mason with them, Jones wasn't getting away with hurting Clay.

The sound of the wind hitting the building caused Eric to snap back to reality. The storm outside was getting worse and the rain sounded like it would break through the glass if it continued. Worry for the safety of the helicopter crew and Clay. Helicopter pilots normally counted on their sight when flying as it was the only safe way to fly. However, there were some pilots who were experienced enough to fly in bad weather and today was going to be a test for the Royal Navy pilots. Flying through this weather was going to be hard enough over the sea with no sight of land until they were right upon it but landing on a base close to a hospital full of injured military personnel and when it was hard to see a couple of feet in front of the nose of the helicopter was going to be more dangerous. But they were going to have to do it. Clay needed medical treatment and Eric couldn't thank the pilots enough for their bravery.

However, as he searched the sky he heard through the wind the unmistakable sound of a helicopter's blades cutting through the rain. Looking as hard as he can, he saw the unmistakable outline of the Lynx Wildcat cutting through the cloud as it came into land. He quickly turned to one of the nurses who had been stood at one of the desks near him.

"Get the doctors." He ordered and watched her nod and quickly turn to run towards the trauma room where the doctors were ready for Clay. Eric turned back to the window and watched as the helicopter as it was positioning itself in the air in order for it to land safely. He couldn't be more thankful to the helicopter crew who had completed the impossible.

As soon as the wheels touched down on the pad and the rotors stopped turning the Wildcat's door flew open. He couldn't see Clay inside however knew that his man was in there clinging to life. Suddenly the corridor that he stood in came to life and everyone there sprung into action. They pushed past him with a gurney and headed directly for the helicopter. However, the porters had trouble battling the wind with the gurney but they got there. Eric didn't want to get in the way, and so he just stood in the doorway holding one side of the doors open. From what he could see, the medical team quickly pulled all of the machines that were attached to Clay out before quickly sliding Clay onto the gurney. But it wasn't the number of machines that scared him, it was the look on the doctors' faces.

As they pushed him past Clay past him towards the trauma room, Eric saw Clay for the first time. He knew now why Bravo had been so worried. The kid looked like hell. Bruisers wrapped around his youngest team members body from what he could see and ghostly pale. Eric's heart stop. The tube that ran down Clay's throat was the only thing Eric could focus on at first, he hated seeing it as it meant that his man was in trouble. However, it wasn't the only thing that worried him. It was the look that was written all over the faces of the base doctor and the doctor that flew with Clay, Lieutenant Hall. From what Jason had told him about Lieutenant Hall, the doctor was a straight shooter and wouldn't be anything but straight with him. The only thing that gave him hope was that Clay's heart was still beating.

Eric tried to follow the team of medics trying not to get in the way but at the same time, he needed to know what was happening to one of his men. But not fully understanding what was been said between the team as they were throwing medical terms around. As they entered the trauma room, Eric clocked what type of room he was in and it clearly doubled as a theatre room when needed. Machines lined one wall and surgical equipment were set ready on the other side in case they were needed. Also, the portable x-ray machine had been moved into the room that Eric had clocked at the end of the hallway as he had entered the hospital. Everything that they could need for Clay was there ready.

He stood there watching the scene that was before him, the two doctors were stood away from the rest of the team using hushed voices as the nurses attached Clay to their own monitors so the monitors from the Navy could be returned. From their worried tone, it told him that something had happened on the flight to them and that Clay was once again in trouble.

Looking at the machines that were now coming to life, he clocked one that he knew. It was the cardiac monitor. And he didn't like what he saw. The readings were showing that Clay's heart was missing a beat every couple of minutes like it was struggling to work correctly. He remembered being told that Clay's heart had stopped when his men had gotten to him but thankfully Trent and Archie had been able to restart it. But now it looked like Clay's heart was struggling once again and was at risk of stopping again. And then he was pushed out of the room by the medical staff as they got to work on Clay.

It had taken the helicopter fifty minutes to get Clay from HMS Dragon to the base due to the weather. The pilots had to change direction to avoid the storms cells multiple times which was why there was a delay. In his mind, the crew of the Wildcat had done nothing but save Clay. However, in his heart, he knew that the true thanks for Clay getting the treatment that he needed were down to the pilots who had gone above and beyond for them. They had risked their lives getting Clay to the base, and showed how well trained they were. He couldn't thank them enough. He also knew that he owed the crew of HMS Dragon for saving not just Clay but all of his men.

After been kicked out of the room, he stood there for over twenty minutes before sitting in one of the chairs. He didn't want to return to the plane, knowing that he would likely get asked a lot of questions to which he had no answers for. Also, he had to keep his promise. The doctors would know where to find him when they had an update on Clay.

In that moment he felt his body start to tell him that he was exhaustion creep over him, he felt like he hadn't slept in a week which felt about right for the timeline of them getting the mission and then the flight. However, also with that exhaustion was a mixture of other emotions. Anger, worry, confusion, pain and panic all in one. However, he knew why. They may have found Clay, brought home the fallen agents, found a traitor and dealt with the danger of Zurkoff but they still didn't know if they had gotten to Clay in time to save him. There was a real chance that the Clay they knew and treated like a son was already gone.

Zurkoff was a danger to all. Eric knew that a man like that needed to be dealt with. A man who didn't care who he sold too, he would sell to anyone who could pay his price. Their intelligence had told them that he had sold to a lot of those groups, some that would use them against their own brothers, allied soldiers or even innocent civilians. That was sadly the only good thing about the whole mission, that they had cut the head off the snake. Helped recover the weapons and saves thousands of lives. They all could sleep a little easier knowing that that scum was gone.

As time went on Eric felt like time was dragging only to draw out their pain. One of the nurses, however, had brought him news when she left the room to get something. She had told him very quickly that Clay had been taken through another door to the CT scanner and had a dozen more x-rays. However, after that news, he had to wait for another thirty minutes before he was told any other news of Clay and yet again it had come from one of the nurses who had left the room. The reason the doctors hadn't come out was that they had rushed Clay straight into another surgery.

However, the surgery wasn't as straightforward as any of them had hoped for. Clay wasn't stable but his doctors had been given very little opinion. Without the two surgeries, they would lose Clay for good. Clay was bleeding from his brain and his abdomen. Lieutenant Hall's work he had done on HMS Dragon had held however the scan had shown that Clay was bleeding around his work. Which meant Clay was losing even more blood that he couldn't afford to lose. Nurses came and went from the room to collect whatever Clay needed whether that be blood or fluids. A call also went out for any soldier on base with the same blood type or had the universal blood group, just in case they needed even more.

During the operation, Mandy had come to find him at some point. What he hadn't noticed was that the rain had continued however night had fallen. She had brought him some hot coffee and a ham sandwich she had picked up from the canteen. She had taken the seat next to him and sipped her own coffee. They sat in silence for a little before she told him what was happening outside the safety of the hospital. When she had gone to grab him some food he had spotted Dutch with the two British pilots.

Dutchy, was one of their pilots that travelled with them. Often they would count on other pilots from the country they were working in however it was always handy that they travelled with one so he could plan any escape or rescue angles that would be needed if they needed to call for air support. Eric knew that Dutchy was impressed by what the two pilots had done and how they dealt with the stormy weather. The man had a lot of connections in the sky and was always helpful when it came to calling for aid as he knew who to call.

Eric, however, knew that Dutchy and the two British pilots were more commonly swapping tips about flying in all weathers and stories of close calls that they had suffered. Their crazy New Yorker was mad about flying and had gotten nicknames like Murdock from the TV show the A-Team and Scotty from Star Trek. He also had a weird sense of humour and often blamed it on his Scottish heritage. He sometimes matched Sonny's madness and when the two got together for a drink, they were in trouble.

Mandy also updated him on the latest weather charts and predictions for where it was going next. The storm looked like it had set in for the next few days however there were chances that they could find breaks in the cloud that would allow the pilots to set off back to the ship and get back with his men. But Eric wasn't going to make that an order when the time came, he needed to trust the pilots to make the decision themselves and trust that they knew their limits. They had done enough for them already, he could ask no more of them.

In the end, it had taken one and a half days before HMS Dragon could get their helicopter in the air and for the British pilots who were at base found the weather good enough to take off. And as he guessed, it had taken three trips to get all of Bravo, their support and the CIA agents back to base. However before the last helicopter took off back to HMS Dragon, Eric had personally made sure that he had put on a couple of bottles of whiskey onboard. A little thanks to the crew and skipper of the destroyer for all their help. It was a little token to show how thankful they were, but hopefully, one that the crew would enjoy.

They had remained on base for another four more days before the doctors had given the clear for Clay to fly. It had taken that long for them to stabilize Clay enough for them to be happy and believed that he wouldn't deteriorate too much before he got home. In all, Clay had gone through over six surgeries in total. Two of them had been an emergency as he had started to bleed again. And the others had been after Bravo had landed to correct broken bones or bleeds.

As soon as Bravo had landed, they had moved into Clay's private hospital room. The room was small however they didn't want to leave their brother alone for a second and so they had taken it in shifts to be there for him. In the end that only happened after one of the doctors had pulled him aside to get him to order his men to rest in comfortable beds and not in the hospital chairs. Jason and Sonny had been the ones that had caused him the most problems when it came down to that order.

Sonny and Jason normally never went against orders unless it meant that one of their own was in danger. And to them, Clay still was. The doctor had even threatened to sedate Jason if he didn't rest in the end as they had started to grow concerned that they would have two injured Seals on their hands. Roger onboard of HMS Dragon had been true to his word after he had returned from speaking to Eric over the radio and had injected him with some pain killer which knocked him out for a could of hours however his body would not allow him to rest properly. And so after being threatened with sedation it had taken Eric, Ray and Trent to drag him from Clay's room leaving Brock to stay with Clay to get him to eat and rest in his own bunk.

After the doctor's al clear had been given, the whole team sprung into action getting everything ready for the long flight. The hospital staff had made sure that the medical team that was travelling with them had everything they needed for Clay. Drugs, blood and fluids. When they were all ready, they had pushed Clay onboard and had locked the machines in place so they would move around too much and break off Clay. Over those few days, since they had arrived back at base, they all could see the difference in Clay that gave them hope.

Clay's colour had started to come back and he didn't have the ghostly pale colour he had when he had first arrived. But sadly that meant the bruising was now clear to see. His whole body was black and blue with bruises and many of them looked like they had been caused by a fist. That had caused all of their anger to once again come to the surface. But they knew that they had already gotten some justice for Clay. Zurkoff and all of his men were dead. Jones would pay for his actions and so they had to control that anger into getting ready to help Clay get back to them.

The doctors had reported all of Clay's injures to them as soon as he was out of surgery. And gave even more detail to Lieutenant Hall's report. The CT had shown that there was a lot of damage to Clay's brain from the bleed however they were uncertain how the damage would affect him until he came around. However, they all knew what even a small amount of brain damage could do to a person. It could change who they were completely and they had to be prepared for that. Even if they didn't want to think about it. The internal damage was healing well and so was the broken bones. The doctors weren't worried that he would start bleeding again however the risk of organ damage was still high. They had gone without a good oxygen supply and so the risk of them still failing was still on the cards. But they wouldn't get those answers in Turkey and so would have to wait till they returned to the States.

As they had boarded and get settled to leave, Cerberus had taken up guard over Clay the moment he had been detached from his lead. He had trotted over their brother, sniffed all around him before placing himself just underneath the gurney so he could watch everyone on the plane who may be a threat to his brother. They all knew that Cerb had missed Clay and so he was not going to be separated from his again any time soon.

Brock didn't have the heart to move him after he had settled down, mainly because he knew that Cerb was more likely to get some rest near Clay than he was if he moved. He also felt himself calm a little knowing that someone was watching their brother as they all slept. Even if that person had four legs. However, that didn't stop Brock from settling himself near Clay mainly because he was worried that Cerb would see the medical staff as a threat to their brother. Cerberus would protect Clay with his life, he knew that but he was worried that Cerb would attack someone by mistake. But he didn't have the heart to move Cerb to his kennel, and so he kept close.

Sonny was someone that worried everyone from the moment he had gotten on the plane. They had all thought that their hot-headed brother would start pacing the plane muttering under his breath as he did onboard HMS Dragon. However, that was not the case. Instead, Sonny had settled himself down in one of the seats next to Clay's bed and did not move a muscle. It was scary to see Sonny so still but none of them had the heart to try to get Sonny to move and go to his hammock. Ray knew that Sonny blamed himself for not being there for Clay, even though he had no way of knowing that Clay had been sent on the mission. However, Sonny still felt like he had failed his brother. And nothing was going to change that. Not until Clay woke up and told him so. He needed to see his brother awake and be able to talk to him. To tell him that he was ok and that he didn't blame them for not being there for him.

Trent spoke very quietly to each of the medical staff that was with them as soon as he had put down his bags and then often check Clay himself as the flight went on. He would often go back to his seat with Clay's medical reports and reread it, again and again, to see if there was anything they had missed that could be a problem for Clay in the future. They had learned that Clay had been rushed into surgery right after the CT scan, however after Clay had been settled in a room, Trent had gone off to see the doctors to look at the CT and x-rays himself. Trent had read the files and had relayed the information that the team needed to know which often meant translating medical terms into normal English. However, he had kept some things that the doctors had written in the report to himself. For their own safety and to allow them to have hope that Clay would survive. They all needed hope. It was the only thing that kept them going.

Ray and Jason had immediately had gone to Eric who was set near the front of the plane to talk to him in-depth about what was going to happen when they landed. They knew that Clay would be taken straight to the hospital when they landed by ambulance and they still needed to be debriefed on the whole mission. But after that, they wanted to make sure that they would be allowed to go see Clay at the hospital. However, Eric did remind them that they also needed to look after themselves which meant going home and spend some time with their own families. They couldn't live at the hospital, which was one thing that he knew they would do.

Halfway through the flight, Ray had called Naima to let her know that they were on the way back. And at the same time found out that Clay was going to be taken to the hospital where she worked. She had been shocked when she had been pulled aside by a Naval Doctor who had told her that she would be one of the nurses to look after a seriously injured Seal who would be returning from overseas. They were all happy about that as they knew that it meant someone that they trusted could be looking after Clay. It also meant that they would get daily updates on their brother if they weren't allowed to stay with him. Naima was happy to help but Ray knew that the news of an injured Seal had caused her to think that it was him. And horribly was thinking that she was glad that it wasn't. But Ray couldn't blame her for the thought as he didn't want to let her down.

As time went on, each member of the team fell asleep. Brock, Trent and even Sonny finally fallen asleep where they sat. Sonny's head lay against the back of the seat which didn't look comfortable and Brock had fallen asleep against his bag. Trent at least had laid down properly to sleep but the hard seat was nothing like his hammock but none of them had bothered to put them up. Even Cerberus had fallen asleep underneath Clay's gurney but every time someone walked close to Clay, the pup's eyes snapped open and a small growl ripped through his muzzle. He knew that his brother was safe however he wasn't going to let his brother out of his sight again.

However sleep wouldn't come to Ray and Jason, instead, they both sat away from the others speaking quietly, Ray had already gone through three bottles of water trying to get the salty taste from his mouth and onboard, HMS Dragon had taken a long shower to remove the salt from his body. He knew that he had swallowed some of the seawater trying to save Clay but not enough to hurt him and after Jason and Trent had found that out had ordered him to get checked over by the ship's medic. Even with the all-clear, he found it hard to get rid of the taste from his mouth.

"Naima said that Captain Winters had sent Clay's files over to them at the hospital, along with his CT scans and x-rays. So they are getting things ready to take him as soon as we land," Ray said hoping not to wake Trent who was closest to them. Anything that happened to be related to medical treatment normally woke Trent up. But thankfully not this time.

Jason nodded but didn't say anything. Instead, he kept his eyes locked on Clay's bed. He couldn't get the images of seeing Clay laying there at his feet without a heartbeat and not breathing. Technically he was dead. And for him to be still with them was a miracle in itself. As he looked down at Clay's bed he could see the medical officer that was on their team stood right next to Clay checking all the machines like they had done every fifteen minutes. But every time they did this, Jason felt himself hold his breath until they walked away reporting no change.

"He's going to be ok," Ray said looking at his friend. He didn't believe his own words but hoped that he could at least comfort his brother.

"Do you know that?" Jason snapped almost growling at his friend. He knew that Ray was only trying to make him feel better but it wasn't helping and he didn't want it.

Ray looked at his friend but wasn't surprised by his friend's behaviour. Jason reeked of guilt and carried himself as if he was personally responsible for causing Clay's injuries. He knew that he needed to get Jason out of that mindset or he would never get to sleep but knew that it wasn't going to be easy as he himself was going the exact same thing. They were Bravo One and Two, which meant it was their job to protect their men and they had failed with Clay. Then an idea popped in his head.

"Do you remember when I lied to you about my shoulder?" Ray asked looking at Jason, catching Jason's eyes.

"Yer. But then I lied about my head and leg so we are even." Jason muttered as he rubbed his shoulder as it had started to ache. The bullet might not be there still but it felt like it was sometimes. Thinking back to what had happened between them because of that caused him to hate himself for how he had treated his brother. But Ray didn't hold it against him and was there for him when he needed him. He wouldn't have survived losing Alana without him and Bravo. They were the safety blanket that he needed and were there for him and his kids every step of the way.

"Remember the kid I killed." Ray started, he was still haunted about the whole thing and knew that he would carry that till the day he died. He hated talking about it but he needed Jason to listen to him.

"It was an accident but at the same time, it was my fault. I lied to you about how bad I was hurt. You trusted me and I took advantage of that. And now there is a family out there without their son because of me." Ray said sighing and rubbed his hand over his shoulder like talking about it made him think about how painful his shoulder had been. But knowing that there was a family out there that was dealing with a pain that was a lot worse. The pain of losing a child. Ray didn't even want to think about what they were going through as he knew that if he ever lost one of his kids it would kill him.

"What I'm trying to say is that what happened to Clay wasn't your fault," Ray stated with a sigh. "It wasn't mine, or Harrington's or Eric's or even Mason. It was Zurkoff and Jones' fault. They were the ones who hurt Clay. Feeling guilty isn't going to help Clay or you." Ray said. He picked up his bottle of water and took a drink while watching Clay himself.

"What happens if he doesn't come back whole?" Jason whispered, and for the first time, Ray could hear the worry and pain in his friend's voice. The pain broke through his friend's voice and he could see what was really worrying Jason. Clay was like a son to both of them but Jason treated him like it more. Thinking about their happy, cocky, young Seal changing in any way would break them. But they had to live with hope.

"Clay is a tough kid..." Ray started but then paused thinking about what he was going to say as he didn't know if he was right. Taking in another deep breath he started again.

"Yes, he has been through hell and maybe it changes him because it would anyone. This job changes us. He was betrayed by someone who he should have trusted. Been shot, kidnapped, beating and then drowned. His head injury is a worry, yes but the doctors even said it, they can't be sure how bad he will be until he wakes up. We have hope. That is all we need and what Clay needs from us right now. For us to be there for him when he comes round." Ray said finally and then offered a small smile to his friend.

Jason nodded and knew that Ray was right but didn't say anything.

"Get some sleep, Jay," Ray said sitting back on his seat and closed his eyes.

After a couple of minutes, Jason knew that Ray was asleep as his friend's face relaxed. He smiled at the sight in front of him and knew that he should really follow his brother but he couldn't. His mind wouldn't shut up. Voices and thoughts kept circling it making him feel a little dizzy. He then thought of Clay and what would happen if they did lose him in either death or if he was brain-damaged. He would miss hearing Clay's voice, which was odd to say but it was true. Yes, Clay was annoying as hell sometimes and when he and Sonny got together it only spelt out trouble. The kid would question his orders or add comments that weren't needed however that was what he liked about the kid. He was not afraid of speaking his mind.

However, what really scared him was the possibility of seeing Clay trapped inside his own mind, unable to do anything. They would have to watch their brother waste away and then he would start to think did they really save him or would it have been better for him not to revive him. He didn't want to think about that but couldn't help it. Had they saved Clay not for himself but for them? If Clay couldn't be an operator and he was stuck in a hospital bed for the rest of his life then what life would that be for him.

"He's right you know." A voice from next to him said.

The voice made him jump, turning and looking up he saw Mandy stood next to him with two cups of hot coffee in her hand. She ignored the fact that she had made him jump and handed him a cup before sitting down next to him. Jason smiled a thanks at the coffee however also clocked at how tired and stressed Mandy looked. He knew that he wouldn't look much better and possibly worse but still, it was odd to see Mandy like that.

"What's going to happen to Jones?" He asked, not wanting to talk about himself. But he also knew that it was very unlikely that they were going to see that man again and he was thankful. He had the feeling that if he saw Jones again he would kill the man in the most painful way he could think of and he wouldn't be the only one. He wouldn't be surprised if every Seal Team in DEVGRU didn't want a piece of the man.

"The agencies will deal with him." She started firmly. "He isn't getting away with what he did. He betrayed all of us when he started to work for Zurkoff. We lost four good agents, good men, because of him. And with what happened to Clay, they will make him pay." Mandy said rubbing his back in an attempt to calm him as she could see the anger start to build inside him.

"He didn't care what happened to him. He was nothing but a problem that he needed to get rid of." Jason muttered, not completely to Mandy but to himself.

He couldn't understand how Jones could betray the people he worked with. Working in such a small team meant to he had gotten to know all of them, who had families or what they wanted to do in the future. But he didn't care. Not enough to stop the attack and just carried on with the knowledge that they were going to die. What type of man could do that?

"I know," Mandy said, she didn't know what else to say to her friend.

She knew that Jason had a heart when it came down to caring about was his team. His family. It was one of the things that she liked about him. Jason Hayes was not a normal Seal, he did not care much for the mission as long as his men were safe. If he wasn't happy about something that he saw as a threat to one of them he would say it and get it changed. If something was dangerous then he would rather he do it himself rather than send one of his men in. She had worked with other Seal Teams before but enjoyed working with Jason and his team the most.

They were honest with her and at times treated her like she was one of them, even with her being in the CIA. When Clay had joined the team, she had noticed that something had changed from within. Clay had changed Bravo for the better. She only hoped that Clay could come back to them, come back to his family. But she had been in the job long enough not to hope too much. She knew Clay's injures and with a serious head injury, it was unlikely that he had escaped without some type of trauma. But she knew that Bravo had hope, and that was all that mattered.

"Get some sleep, Jason." She said with a soft smile, and carefully she patted his back before heading off back to her seat.

Jason nodded and sighed. He wanted to go home, hug his kids before heading to the hospital to stay with Clay for as long as needed to be there or the hospital would allow.

He needed to be with his family. Slowly he closed his eyes and thought about the last time all three of his kids were together, it had been a family barbecue at his house. Micky, Emma and Clay had started to play soccer on the grass when everyone else was sitting talking or eating. They looked happy and he knew that Micky looked up to Clay like an older brother and so did Emma. He was happy that his kids had someone to talk too, even if it was Clay. The kid could get anyone to talk and had gotten Emma to open up to him that he knew he could never do. And some of the things she had told him were things that she wouldn't have even told Alana.

Clay was a lot to him, son, brother, soldier, friend and someone who he saw going far within the Seals. He wanted Clay to take over as him as Bravo One one day when he found that he could no longer do the job correctly. He was a strong leader and had the right head on his shoulders to lead his men into the next chapter of their lives. He just hoped that Clay could fight and come back to them, he didn't care if they needed to look after him till he was back to fighting fit. They would do it. He had already planned to stay with him until he could look after himself. He would not let Clay feel like he was going to be abandoned again. A trust had been broken and it was up to them to fix it in any way they could. They would not abandon their brother. That was not what Seals did and something they would never do.

But Jason knew one thing was true. They were taking Clay home. He promised himself that he would make sure that Clay knew they were there for him. Until the end.


	16. Recovery

Chapter sixteen

Beep… Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep...

It didn't stop.

The sound kept going.

It never stopped even for a moment. Day in, day out. For two weeks it kept going.

For everyone outside their circle would find the sound annoying. And for two weeks, it would drive them insane.

But for Bravo, the sound that was been drilled into them each day that they were sat with Clay, told them that they had not failed. They had found their brother and had gotten to him before it was too late. However, the guilt was still there. They all carried it, some more than others. But they all felt it. It was slowly destroying them from the inside and the only way for it to stop was to see Clay awake and given the all-clear to return to active duty. But they knew that if that didn't happen then they would have to live with the guilt that they had cut their own brother's career short.

Even with all the technology that the US Navy had to offer; drones, satellites, helicopters, a dozen intelligence units, Seal teams, DEVGRU units; they had still taken too long to find their lost brother. It was only with dumb luck and Cerberus' nose that they had found him in time. They hoped anyway.

Cerberus had really come through for them when they needed him too, without him, they wouldn't have found Clay at all. Their brother would have drowned in that hull and as the boat sank, would take him to his watery grave. Something that the poor kid didn't deserve. Cerb had saved him and they all knew that he was been rewarded for it and not only by Bravo but the kennel staff as well. Word had gotten out to the other DEVGRU teams about what had happened to Clay. Not mission details but they all knew that he was in a serious condition in hospital and no one knew if he would make it.

When they had returned and the ramp was lowered on the plane, they all saw the ambulance that was sat wanting to take Clay to hospital but it wasn't alone. At the bottom of the ramp was members of Alphas' and Charlies' teams and support teams. The two teams were almost complete however Jason had noticed that Beau and Full Metal weren't with them. He had asked Derek and Paul, Charlies' 2IC, who informed him that they were with Harrington trying to work out how they were going to remove Bravo completely from rotation so they could be close to Clay.

Derek had also told them not to worry about their up and coming deployment. By the order rota, Bravo was the next team to deploy however news had even reached Delta who were currently deployed and they had agreed to extend their own deployment until Charlie was ready to take over. Charlie had two new members and Beau wasn't sure if they were ready to deploy so soon, the extra time was a blessing. Jason made a mental note to send Carlos a couple of crates of beer when they got back. DEVGRU looked after their own which allowed Bravo the time to complete the little things they needed to do before heading over to the hospital. They all had to stay on base long enough to complete their After Action Reports for command before they were allowed to leave. Eric, Jason and Ray, however, had to report everything to Harrington who had the heads of command on video conference.

However, before doing so Eric had ordered them all home right after and they weren't to go to the hospital till morning. He knew that his men would more likely camp out in one of the hospital's waiting rooms until they were allowed into Clay's room. But he couldn't allow that. His men needed sleep and that meant at home.

After the reports, Brock had headed home alone with Cerberus. He had showered and changed, removing any trace of Turkey from his body. He had wanted to take care of Cerberus first however his pup had other ideas. As soon as they had gotten home, Cerberus had run to his bed immediately and laid down wrapping himself up as small as he could with something in his mouth. Brock had noticed that he had something in his mouth when they had gotten off the plane. After his shower, he had gone into his room to find his pup fast asleep. In his mouth was the shirt that they had found in the safe house. Clay's shirt. Brock had kept hold of it after they had left the safe house just in case his needed to give Cerb a fresh scent from Clay. But also, having Clay's scent near Cerberus somehow kept his pup calm. However, the pup needed a bath.

As time went on and the days turned into weeks, Brock had taken his shift watching over Clay. He had been able to sneak Cerberus into Clay's hospital room a few times before Naima found out. It hadn't been easy but he had managed it by waiting for the nurse change to happen and then sneak him in. After the fifth time he had been able to do it, Naima had walked in and found Cerberus laid asleep on Clay's head with his muzzle under Clay's hand.

She understood that Bravo was a family, which also included Cerberus. Naima was also a wife of a Seal and one who had come home injured before. She knew the pain that they were all going through and when it came down to one of them been injured they always remained close. However, the nurse side of her knew that they were unknowingly putting Clay at risk. Clay was in a critical condition and even though he was slowly improving, he was still not out of the woods. Infection was his biggest threat, it would most certainly kill him. And so she needed to think more about his health than his families needs. So she had banned Cerberus from the hospital. She hated doing it but she had no choice. She had to think about what was best for Clay.

And so Brock had no choice but to leave Cerberus in the hands of the kennel staff when it was his shift to wake Clay. The pup was not happy about the idea but Brock had no choice. However, Cerberus never spent a minute in his kennel. Word had gotten down to the kennel staff that Cerberus had done his job and had found their injured brother and so he was getting special treatment. Whenever Brock had been relieved from his shift of watching Clay he had headed to pick up Cerberus from the kennels only to find him either under someone's desk or just meet them at the gate after one of the handlers had taken him for a good long run.

His diet was also out of the window, Brock had treated his pup to the biggest steak he could buy when he had gone shopping. Cerberus had enjoyed it, but it was also not his last one. Every member of Bravo had brought Cerb a steak or two as the days went by and Sonny had even ordered a full box of them. Brock had shaken his head at the action. It was going to take him weeks to get his pup back to his healthy weight after all of this. But at the same time, he couldn't stop them from treating their pup. It was the only thing that was keeping them together it seemed.

When the word out about Cerberus been banned from the hospital, Bravo was not happy. But Naima was not alone with her reason, Trent was with her. Trent understood where Naima was coming from, Clay was in critical conditions and the slightest complication could set him back. He also had spoken to the doctors whenever he could when he was there. Like the others, he had gone home but instead of relaxing he had called a few buddies that he knew worked in the hospital or knew people who were. He needed to find out what the doctors were doing with Clay, he trusted them but at the same time, Clay had been his responsibility. And he had failed it. He often sat in Clay's hospital room just reading the machines and charts to see how Clay was doing. He also helped Naima and Clay's other nurse Alice change Clay's bandages and checked on how the wounds were healing.

In Bravo, Trent's word on wounds were law. He had kept them all up to date on how Clay was healing, the doctors had done some really good work on their brother. The surgical scar that the doctors had made for Clay's brain surgery was healing amazingly, and when Clay's hair grow back no one would see it. Trent had looked at the skull x-rays again and again and saw the damage that Clay's skull had taken. He had been right that the skull had been fractured but when the doctors had told them that he had fractured his skull they hadn't told them how badly it had been fractured. Half of Clay's skull was shattered. Luckily for them, Clay's brain bleed was successfully treated but the damage was done. They couldn't tell how badly it would affect him until he woke up.

Trent knew what a brain injury could do to a guy like Clay. It would end his career and life as he knew it. Clay wouldn't be able to operate as a Tier One anymore with a brain injury. Even if it fully healed, the brass would be watching Clay to make sure that he didn't go off the deep end. A Navy Seal with a head injury was a dangerous one. The brass would never allow Clay to be out there with a gun in his hand if there was even a chance he would lose it or forget his training. He would be stuck Stateside alone. Away from his family and he knew of a lot of soldiers who had given up over much less. But Trent knew that they would have to cross that bridge when they came to it.

Sonny hated the thought of Clay being alone. He had silently promised himself that he would not let Clay be alone again. Not after this. He didn't trust the hospital staff, it was plain and simple. No matter how much Naima told them that she trusted the doctors and knew all of them personally, he didn't like the idea of Clay being there alone and vulnerable without any of them there to protect him. Clay was his kid brother and needed to be protecting. But as he couldn't be there then he would have to settle with the fact that Naima had promised them that she would stay with them until the morning when they were allowed in the hospital.

However, Sonny wasn't alone. Lisa had met them at the base and after Sonny had done his report she had taken him home. He knew that if it wasn't for Lisa being there he would have ended up in a bar getting strong cold drunk before heading to the hospital and sleeping it off in one of the hospital chairs, orders or no orders. But Lisa kept him grounded, she was one of the few people who could keep him grounded at a time like this. There were only a few people in the world that could keep him level headed at a time like this, however, they were too busy to help him. And that was either Naima or Clay.

Naima was too busy looking after Clay to help him as well and Clay... Sonny didn't know if Clay was still with them. His body was but they had no idea where his mind was. Surviving seeing your whole team killed, being shot, running, getting captured, being tortured and then left in a hull of a ship as it slowly sank would destroy anyone. But then Sonny thought about what could have happened and knew that Zurkoff could have broken their brother in ways that would mean they would have brought him home in a box. But he couldn't think like that. Not now and having Lisa with him made that possible.

On the flight home, Eric had made a call to Lisa's CO and had asked for her to return to base. She had not understood why the request had come in for, he had told her very little about why she had been requested to return to the base. Not until an hour or so before Bravo landed. Eric had told her the clift notes that she needed to know. That they had been lied too, Clay was hurt, they were on their way back, they didn't know if Clay was going to make it and Bravo was hurting. She knew who he meant. They were worried about Sonny. And had called her to make sure that he wasn't alone.

By the time they had landed and the reports were complete they had six hours to wait before they were allowed anywhere near the hospital. Lisa had gotten him home, threw him into the shower and had ordered a pizza. They sat there on the couch in silence before the flood gates that had been holding all his emotions finally broke. He yelled, cried and felt the rage inside him scream for him to hit something. He was almost certain that he would have destroyed his whole apartment if not for Lisa. All she had to do was to touch his arm to get him to snap out of his own private hell that he had locked himself in.

After their meeting, Ray had gone home to find his mother-in-law asleep on his couch after falling asleep watching TV. It looked like a cooking show or something like that. He smiled and moved to place one of the blankets that were normally on the back of the couch over her before heading to check on his kids. He first checked on Jameelah who was still asleep. Thankfully. She looked so peaceful and reminded him of Clay a little, she looked so young and innocent just like Clay looked in a hospital bed. The kid was too young in his eyes to deal with everything he had been through.

They didn't know much about Clay's childhood but they all knew whatever happened, happened because of Ash. Ray couldn't understand what had happened in the past with Clay but knew that whatever had happened had changed Clay into the man they knew. Whenever Clay came over or they had a family get together, he was always the one that kept the kids entertained. When he was with them it was like he could become a kid again. It was like he was playing out the childhood he never had.

After checking on Jameelah he moved to little Jay Jr's room. His little boy was fast asleep holding on to the stuffed golden eagle toy Clay had gotten for him one day. Little Junior loved that eagle and wouldn't go anywhere without it. He had no idea where he had found it but it looked expensive. It wasn't until little Ray had thrown up on it after getting a bad stomach bug did they find it out. Naima had to hand wash the sick out of it and found the label that told her how to dry it, the label was told them that the toy had come from Scotland. After Naima told him about it he had looked the toy up online and found that it was only sold in Scotland. Clay couldn't have brought it at any US store. However, he had not once asked Clay about it. He didn't want to put the kid on the spot. If Clay didn't want to talk about it then he wouldn't ask.

Looking around his son's room he also smiled as he remembered them roping in Clay's help to redecorate it one day they were off. Ray had been left alone to do it when everyone else had bailed on him, and so he had called Clay. He had spent the whole day with the kid, painting, sanding and even putting up the new furniture that they had gotten for him. And not once did Clay complain. Naima had brought the kids back from a party to find the room ready, they had planned on letting Ray Jr sleep in their bed if it wasn't ready. But with Clay's help, it was. Naima had pointed out that it had taken two seals one day to complete something six couldn't. Clay had gone bright red when she had mentioned it the next time they were all together.

Clay treated them all like family, yes it took a little while for the kid to trust them but over time he had started to trust them. The second Clay had been put on the team, it was odd, but it felt like they had glued more as a unit since Clay had joined them. The kid was a challenge and drove most of them mad but his heart was in the right place. Ray thought back to what Clay had brought to Bravo, the kid had skills and not just his leadership and planning skills. But his language and his skill with a rifle. It made a lot of ops run a lot smoother as they didn't need to count on a translator who they couldn't fully trust and made the number of men on the ground smaller even if it was by one.

Eric had been right about one thing, Ray needed to see his kids. Even if it was just to make sure they were ok. Clay would understand. He knew that. As time went on, Ray was torn between three places. The hospital, base and home. He needed to keep busy. They had all agreed to take shifts watching Clay, they didn't want to risk Clay waking up alone with a head injury. Waking up alone in a room that he didn't know was not a good idea. Not after been locked away in a room against his will. And they weren't alone in that, Alpha had also offered to help wake Clay whenever they were needed.

Derek and Full Metal took their turns when they weren't working to give Bravo a break and they weren't the only ones. The Seals were family after all. But they weren't the only ones. Eric, Lisa and Mandy had also taken a shift or two when they could however it was often that they were called away for meetings with command. Eric had occasionally come back from a meeting with his temper high. They all saw it. Often the meetings were joined by Harrington and ended with Eric storming out when he had enough.

Command had wanted Bravo to return to an active role as soon as they returned. They were one of the best units the Navy had and would want that best unit back on track. However, Harrington and Eric had reminded them that they had sent one of their own out on a mission without informing Clay's immediate CO. And thankfully with their help and Admiral Mason's who was yet to make an appearance had made sure that Bravo remained off rotation.

But it wasn't just them that they had to thank but also every sailor and officer on base. If they needed something done, it was done. From rearranging deployments or missions. Calling favours with the medical directors to get Clay everything he needed whether that be a visit from a specialist doctor or to make sure that the nurses had all they needed to help. The base really came together for them. Even Big Chief had pulled in a few favours to make sure Clay's apartment and car were kept up to scratch for him when he got out.

Jason had left the base with only his fallen brothers' names in his head. Something that he didn't want to add Clay's too. He had gotten home, phoned his kids and then headed to the hospital. But didn't enter. He couldn't. He just sat in his truck looking at the hospital building in front of him. That was Clay's last hope. And he hated it. His shoulder pain was nothing compared to the feeling of guilt that consumed him. He had failed Clay. And it was clear to everyone that he blamed himself.

As the days rolled into weeks, Jason had taken the longest shifts watching over Clay. He didn't want Clay to wake up alone and when he wasn't at the hospital he was running with Big Chief and Green Team. They all were when they were free and not watching Clay. He knew that Ray and Naima were starting to worry about him, and Emma was right alongside them. She had started to call into the hospitals after classes or on her days off just to sit with Clay and her father. Mainly to make sure her dad took care of himself and that shoulder. And that was where they were now.

Emma was sat reading her textbook in what the hospital claimed was a comfortable chair, she looked up from her book to check on her father who was sat on the other side of Clay's bed. She was worried about him and for Clay. Clay had become like a big brother to her ever since the first time her dad had brought Clay to their house. It had been her birthday, and he had brought her a jewellery box as he had no idea what else to get her as he had only met her a few times previously. But it was beautiful and she loved it. It was a dark wooden hand-carved box with an ivy pattern mixed with poppies that flowed all the way around it. Inside it was lined with a soft green fabric that had little yellow flowers sewn into it with little slats making up little compartments for her to put stuff.

She had fallen in love with it the moment she had opened it. It looked amazing and expensive but didn't care about that. She had thanked Clay for it and had made sure that she only put in the jewellery that meant something to her. Her locket that her great grandmother had given to her. A pair of pearl earrings that her dad had gotten for her and the watch that once belonged to her mother along with a necklace that she uses to wear.

And when she went to college she took it with her. All of her friends were very jealous of it and always asked her where she had gotten it but as she told them, she had no idea. She never did ask Clay where he had gotten it as she had been too amazed by it at the time. One of her friends, who she had met on her first day there, Leah had given her some answers when they had been working hard in a late-night study session. She told Emma that she had seen the work before but only when she and her parents lived in South Africa. After she had left, Emma had looked into some of the details that Leah had been able to give her. The wood was an African Blackwood which was Very difficult to work with by hand, but also found out that the work was done by an artist who only worked in Cape Town. She knew that Clay once lived in Africa, and knew that he use to visit Cape Town thanks to him helping Mikey with his homework. But that was all she knew. She didn't think she had heard him say that he used to live there, only visit on odd days and sadly she knew that Bravo most likely knew a little bit more but not a lot.

Thinking back Clay had always been a big mystery to her and knew that Bravo felt the same. But she also knew that he had a good heart and had always been kind to them, he treated them like family which was odd for a new guy and more so when her father was Jason Hayes. Clearing her throat Emma caught her father's attention.

"You remember my birthday when Clay got me that jewellery box?" She asked.

Jason paused for a moment and then nodded, he knew what she was doing. Trying to get his mind off the guilt that he had been carrying around with him for two weeks.

He thought back to that day and remembered the good times they had. All of Bravo, Alana's and his families and some of Emma's friends were all in the garden enjoying the hot weather. Clay had given Emma her present as soon as he had gotten inside the door but he also had brought a pack of beer that he had owned the team from their latest mission. Emma's present had been carefully wrapped in a hardened fabric which Clay had told them was what it came in.

The party went well until he had overheard some of Emma's friends talking about Clay as he passed them on his way to the grill. Emma was also with them. And the topic of their conversation was how, in their words, hot Clay was. Jason didn't like the idea of his only daughter getting involved with one of his men. Clay was the youngest Seal his team had ever had and knew that there weren't that many years between Clay and Emma but being said it was his daughter and one of his men. He had blocked out any more of the conversation and was happy to see that Clay had kept his distance from them for the rest of the evening.

Snapping back out of the memory he heard Emma's voice again.

"It comes from Cape Town. I researched the artist that carved it." Emma said looking down at Clay before speaking again. "The artist did an interview for some paper, telling them a story about how a young white boy had saved him from a rebel raid, said the boy told him to run when he stayed. Think that was Clay?"

Jason paused and thought back to Clay's file which had very little detail when it came to his childhood. "I don't know." He admitted.

He knew a lot more about his other team members than he did of Clay. Yes, he had known them longer but Clay was someone he saw taking over Bravo for him when he chose to leave which meant he should know more about the kid. But he didn't. He kicked himself for that. The only person who he knew would know more about Clay's childhood was Sonny however had a feeling that Sonny may only know a little bit more. Not a lot. Clay was always a private person when it came to his past and they had to honour that. Jason also knew that it was his choice not to let them inform Ash, his own father, about what had happened to him. Lisa had made it clear that Ash was only to be informed if he was killed in action and then and only then were Bravo allowed to call him.

Jason rubbed his hand over his face and then looked back at Clay. "There are a lot of things I don't know about him," Jason admitted quietly, however, Emma heard him.

The kid was a closed book. He knew nothing about any other family he might have. He knew Ash was an only child but only because of something he read in an interview the man had done. The bastard hadn't even mentioned what had happened to Clay's mom, nor was it in his file. All it said was that she had died. Losing a parent was the worst feeling in the world when he had lost his father he felt it but for Clay, it must have been worse. Losing the one parent that gave him the love he needed. Ash wouldn't have. He wasn't that type of man.

But before she could say anything a loud alarm caused them both to stop and stare at Clay. The monitors were going mad. Soon nurses and Clay's main doctor came running in. Doctor Winn had always been a calm level headed man according to Naima but the look on his face now was scaring him. The man looked worried. Moving out of the way both Emma and Jason waited to hear from Winn about what the hell was going on but the silence was killing him and in the end, he snapped.

"What is happening?" Jason demanded when two of the nurses cleared the room.

"He is coming round," Winn said looking up at him with a small smile. Jason quickly moved to Clay's left side as the doctor was on his right, Emma couldn't move. She was in too much shock that they hadn't seen the clear signs of Clay coming round. But she could see them now, Clay's fingers were moving against the blanket like was trying to claw his way back up.

"Clay, can you open your eyes for me?" Winn asked. The wait was killing Jason but after two long minutes, he was met by Clay's baby blue eyes. Jason couldn't stop himself from smiling at seeing his brother awake. But then saw the panic that was clearly written all over Clay's face and what made it worse was the fact that the tube was still in place. Running own Clay's throat.

"Good, now Clay I need you to relax," Winn said pushing Clay back down on the bed. The panic had caused Clay to try to sit up. "Your lung isn't healed enough to come off the vent and you fighting it isn't helping. Blink once for yes, twice for no if you understand me." Winn asked keeping hold of Clay's hand to remind the young man in front of him where he was as Clay's eyes had immediately searched the room for someone or something. However, at Winn's question Clay blinked once and Jason saw Clay's body relax back into the bed.

"Good man," Winn said before looking up at Jason and smiling before nodding. Jason could tell that with Clay responding to orders meant that his normal brain function was working well. "Now I am going to ask you a few questions and all I need you to do is answer me. If you don't know the answer then just squeeze my hand. Ok?" Winn asked.

Clay blinked once.

"Is your name Clayton Spencer?" Winn asked.

There was a pause but then Clay blinked once. Jason smiled and nodded to Emma who had moved to the foot of the bed with tears in her eyes.

"Are you a member of the U.S Navy?" Winn then asked.

And once again Clay blinked once.

"Are you a Navy Seal?" And Clay blinked once more.

"Do you remember what happened?" Winn then asked, hoping that making Clay try to remember what happened would cause him more problems.

But Clay just blinked once.

Winn signed and was confused about why Clay's heart hadn't started to race. Being captured and then been made to relive it normally caused that to happen but not with Clay and that worried him. Jason just looked confused about how Winn had reacted as he didn't understand what was going on in the man's mind.

"Do you know who is on your left?" Winn asked, he had a painful thought in his head and needed to make sure that it wasn't that.

Jason watched as Clay's eyes moved from the doctor's face to his and then back. Something in those eyes shocked him, there was no emotion towards him. And his heart dropped, even more, when he watched Clay blink twice. Clay couldn't remember him.

"You don't?" Winn asked again and got the same answer.

"Do you remember what happened in Turkey?" Winn then asked, being careful about what he said with Emma in the room. He had been briefed on what had happened and been a former doctor with Delta meant he knew what had happened to the young Seal as he had been informed about what could happen when he woke up but also now he knew what was going to happen when Clay did remember. And it wasn't going to be nice to see.

Clay blinked twice and looked confused about why he had used that location.

"What about Afghanistan?" Winn then asked as the idea popped into his head.

Clay blinked but only once. Jason's head shot up and he looked carefully at the doctor. He knew that Winn had looked over Clay's complete file and knew all of his previous injuries and where they had happened. How did he come up with Afghanistan? Jason thought and made a note to ask the man later on.

Winn paused for a second but nodded to Clay to let him know that he understood him adding a soft smile trying him that he wasn't in trouble. Then turned to one of the nurses who stood behind him and asked for another sedation to be drawn up. The young woman nodded and quickly pulled a syringe of the sedation drug and handed it to Winn.

"That's all for now, Clay, this is going to help you sleep. We can talk more when you come around and we can see if we can remove that tube." He said as he injected the sedation into Clay's IV port.

They watched carefully as Clay went back to sleep before Jason spoke. "He can't remember me." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"We all knew that this was a possibility Jason. His head injury should have killed him. Some memory loss was a miracle in itself. Clay's memory may come back when he wakes up or it could take days, months or even years. We can't know. All we can do is be there for him. " Winn said checking all of Clay's monitors. Jason studied the doctor before turning to Emma.

"Em can you go and call Ray. I need him here." Emma finally looked away from Clay's face and nodded before quickly leaving the room, her face was scarred by her tears.

"Why did you ask about Afghanistan?" Jason asked wanting to know what the doctor did.

"His last major head injury," Winn said sadly as he put down Clay's charts. "It's not uncommon for someone who suffered two major head injuries which would kill any normal person to get suffer from this type of memory loss. The two events get mixed up and he believes that he has woken up again from the one he suffered in Afghanistan instead of what happened in Turkey."

"What does that mean for us?" Jason demanded but quietly not wanting to disturb Clay.

Winn sighed and moved to the foot of Clay's bed. He knew Clay's find and knew what it meant for the man in front of him. He had watched Bravo carefully as soon as Clay had been brought into his care, the team was Clay's family and telling Jason what he knew would change their family forever. They wouldn't be able to forget it, not as long as they lived.

"It means Master Chief..." Winn started looking directly at Jason, with a deep sadness in his eyes. "...that Clay Spencer believes he is still 2IC of Chalk 2, Alpha platoon on Team three. He has no memory of ever been in Bravo team or DEVGRU."

This news hit Jason like a ton of bricks. Clay couldn't remember any of them, not him, Sonny, Ray...any of them. Also, that meant he wouldn't remember his time at Green Team and Brian. All of the missions he had been apart of and the lives he had saved. None of it.

"What do we do?" Jason begged. He needed to know how to make it right for everyone. For him, the team and for Clay. They weren't going to give up on their brother so easily. He needed to fit this mess.

"See if you can find someone from his old unit," Winn answered, he knew of a few cases that having an old unit member nearby helped the soldier recover their lost memories. "They may be able to fill in the blanks. If not, then to be truthful Jason, he has to remember things on his own." Winn replied, he softly tapped Jason on his good shoulder and left him alone with Clay.

Jason looked down at his brother and felt his own tears start to fall from his eyes. He needed Clay to remember them, to remember him. And soon or it would destroy them all.


	17. Hidden Past

Chapter Seventeen

Jason couldn't believe everything that had happened. It had been three days since he had seen Clay open his eyes for the first time. His boy was alive. He hadn't failed him like he had feared he had. Clay was alive and able to work out what Winn was saying to him and was even able to answer him. Maybe not by speech as he had a tube down his windpipe but was able to blink yes and no to every question Winn had. However, the man in front of him had no memory about him, Bravo or even what had truly happened in Turkey. And there was no one else alive to tell them.

Jay stood in the hallway of the hospital watching what was happening in the room he was stood outside of. Winn had made it very clear to them all that they weren't to enter unless called by one of the nurses or if Clay became a danger to himself. Clay may have no memory of who he was or how they were but at the end of the day, Clay was a trained Navy Seal. Which meant that if he was surprised by any of the hospital staff then he would more likely end up hurting them by accident or the more worrying one, Clay would believe he was still been held by Zurkoff and try to escape. They had all heard the stories about captured soldiers returning home and then snapping over something, believing they were back in their own hell and getting killed by the cops because they had become a danger to the public.

But that wasn't going to happen to Clay, not if he had anything to do with it.

The day after Clay had woken up, Winn had been called to Clay's room eight times during the night. Sometimes it was because Clay had been fighting through the sedation causing his vitals to go mad when he started to come round and fighting against the vent. In the end, Winn had agreed to try Clay off the vent to see if his lungs could handle working on their own. But it was likely that he would still need oxygen, and they were ready for that. However, Winn had warned them that maybe it was too early for Clay's lung to function on their own and the risk of Clay not been able to breath himself was high. But they tried and Clay had proved them all wrong.

But through the night, every time the alarms from Clay's room sounded Jay's heart would stop and would wait outside the door waiting for news. And that was where he stayed. He looked into the room, he watched as Alice and Naima cleaned Clay's wounds and redressed them. It was odd to see their kid not respond to Ray's wife as he would normally but as a complete stranger. However, at least he trusted them enough to look after his wounds. But not enough not to answer their questions with only one or two-word answers. Thankfully Naima had always been able to read their youngest member like a book when it came to wounds. She was very much like Trent when it came down to the kid.

Clay did look better now that he didn't have a tube down his throat. Instead, he was ordered by Winn after removing it for the third time that he needed to keep the nasal cannula in place or he would make him wear a mask. The thin tube was barely visible at first look however Jason started to check each piece of equipment off in his head every time he looked up at Clay. He might not be allowed in the room but Clay was still vulnerable to threats, they may be stateside, however, Jason wasn't letting Clay out of his sight for a very long time.

After Winn had sedated Clay the first time, Jay had exited the room to find Naima with Emma but they weren't alone for long. Soon the whole team was there. And they all had the same initial reaction. Shock and guilt. The shock that their brother who was like family to them didn't even know who they were and the guilt that they hadn't gotten to him in time.

They had no idea how to fit all of this. It was something that none of them had dealt before and had no idea how to help Clay get his lost memories back. Physically injuries were easy to deal with and they all had been through it. Some more than others. But they had gotten through them and had made it back to the team. Clay been one of them, he had fought his way back after been blown up in Manila. Even when a lot of doctors told him that he would never be able to operate again. He had proved them all wrong and now he was doing it again.

All physical injuries needed were a couple of months rehab, good pain relief and a few operations and they were as good as new, or near enough. Also, as Seals, they trained to make their bodies work in all conditions which meant the intense training helped them battle through the pain. The mental stuff, well that was a little harder to overcome to a level that they weren't a danger, however, thanks to the team and their family they could deal with the pain and sometimes find it has helped ease their pain. But memory loss. That was new territory for all of them, on occasion, they all had lost a few hours or what had happened due to a blow to the head. However, they had never lost any more than that. Clay had lost nearly lost two years of his memories. And that meant he didn't remember any of them.

Sonny had taken the news the worse, he had ended up kicking over one of the bins in the waiting room and running from the room. Thankfully Lisa had gone after him to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. They all knew that the relationship between Sonny and Clay was the strongest out of all the team, Sonny, after warning to the kid had become a very protective older brother. And they all knew it. The kid could push his buttons when he needed them pushed but also knew when Sonny needed to be left alone to think things through. But more importantly, knew when Sonny couldn't be left. They had shared a lot between them.

Often talking for hours about things that were bothering them or even helping each other with their problems. Which often ended with a long night out drinking and a seriously bad hangover the next morning or whatever time they appeared on base. But what showed that the two trusted each other was that they often talked about their past. Sonny knew a lot more of Clay's history than any of him but not everything. It was often about the kid's troubled relationship with his father. He knew that he had been brought up by his grandparents as he had. But Clay never openly talked about them making Sonny thing that it was too painful so he never pushed the kid.

However anything to do with his old team or anything else, Clay was a closed book. And often their talks were mainly due to Sonny's problems, not Clay's. Jason had seen this as that Clay didn't want to have to depend too heavily on others. He had a feeling that Clay had to look after himself for as long as he could remember as his father clearly didn't.

No one in the team knew much about Clay's past, only Ray and Jason had read Clay's file during the draft and had heard what Adam had told them about him. Adam had spoken to Clay's former commander during Green Team. He had told Ray all he knew as, like Ray, Adam had agreed that Bravo would be the best fit for Clay. Jason thought back and knew that he owed Adam a lot. He wouldn't have the family he had now without him. Adam had given his life so his family could come home. For Clay. He had seen the footage after Bravo was all home safe. The bomber would have taken out Clay and possibly the rest of Bravo if it wasn't for Adam. He knew Clay had blamed himself for Adam's death and Ray had told him what Clay had admitted to him on the way back home with Adam's body. But over time Clay had understood what Adam had done and excepted it.

But what worried Jason the most was everything that Clay had gone through the last two years, all the ups and downs. Losing Brian, Adam, getting cut off the rest of the team surround by the enemy, his break up with Stella, nearly dying in that car in Mexico, being blown up, being told he may never operate again, finding Swanny after he had killed himself and then all of this crap with Zurkoff. He just hoped to god that all of Clay's memories didn't come back at once because he had no idea how someone went through all of that and remained sane. However, he wasn't going to leave Clay alone to deal with that. Even if he didn't know him, he knew that Clay would at least follow his orders.

Clay was a soldier and a good one at that. He was trained to follow orders even if he didn't like them but at the same time had a leader's head on his soldiers. When he had put him as his 2IC when Ray had been out, he had found that Clay was the quickest person to assess a situation and come up with a plan that would work and get them all home safe. So he wasn't giving up on him. Clay never gave up on them so neither would they.

Jason had done as he was asked by Doctor Winn and had called Blackburn to see if he could find one of Clay's former Seal buddies from Chalk 2, those teams were normally very tight so hopefully one of those could get through to Clay without causing him pain. Eric had promised to try to find someone who had served with Clay but they all knew that it was likely that they would be deployed and were unlikely to get permission to return to help out on Seal.

Suddenly he was brought out of his own head by someone holding a hot cup of coffee in his face. The hot smelling coffee caused the nerves in his brain to scream out for a caffeine hit. He turned to see who was next to him to see Ray stood there holding one cup to him and another two other cups in a holder in his other hand. It was then that Jason remembered that his best friend had turned up with Naima just before she was to start her shift and had stayed with him since then. He then remembered that he had told him that he was heading to get some good coffee as they had made the mistake the first few nights of staying in the hospital in trying the coffee that was available. All Sonny said after trying the horrific tasting water was he had better in the middle of a war zone.

Jason took the cup and muttered 'thanks' before turning back to watch what was going on in Clay's hospital room.

Ray took his own cup and took a sip still watching his friend very carefully. He knew that something was going on with his friend but knew that Jason wouldn't tell him what was going on in his head until he was ready. He then turned to look inside Clay's room to see Naima writing something onto Clay's chart before looking up at them. Her stern look told him that she was not happy about something or at them. Quickly he gripped hold of Jason's arm and moved him away from the room into the small waiting room. He felt Jason's body tense but Jason too had seen the look they had gotten from Naima and knew it was better not to argue with Ray just yet.

"What's going on brother?" Ray finally asked as Jason started to pace the small room, which in turn was increasing his headache.

"What if Clay doesn't get his memories back?" Jason blurted out without meaning too. His frustration about the whole situation had finally come to ahead.

Ray sighed but didn't know what to say as he too had been thinking about the future. What if Clay's memories never returned? Would he be allowed to work with them or would the Navy sick him onshore duties until they could work out what to do with him? Either way, they would lose Clay which was what they didn't want to happen. Clay was their brother whether he remembered it or not. And they didn't give up on family. He remembered when he had gone through his loss in faith after Mexico. Clay had been there for him whenever he needed him, whether he would go to the range with him or even hit the gym with him. It had annoyed him at first as he felt like Clay was following him but that brotherly love that he felt come from the kid had helped ease his pain, even a little.

"We will come to that bridge when we get to it." Ray ended up saying, seeing that Jason wasn't going to say anything else. He knew that his words didn't hold much comfort but they spoke the truth. They had no idea what future lay in front of Clay but they had all agreed that they wouldn't let him walk it alone.

Before Jason could speak Naima walked in, she looked tired and a little annoyed at the pair of them but they knew better than to argue with her. She took the cup of coffee that was left in the holder in one of the empty seats before sitting herself down in the chair next to it.

"How is he?" Jason asked since he wasn't allowed in the room with Clay he had no idea what was happening unless he cornered Winn after he had left Clay's room.

Naima sighed. She knew that he was going to ask her what was happening with Clay the moment she came into the room. She felt their pain, seeing Clay so badly injured brought out her mothering instinct. It had been a long time since Bravo had brought in 'new blood' as they would call it. However, Clay looked a lot younger than any Seal she had seen. The kid as they all called him was young but at the same time, she had a feeling that Clay didn't have much of a childhood.

However, at the same time, she knew that like her husband Clay was trained by the best and believed very much in the same things Ray did. The team was family. And it broke her heart to see that Clay had forgotten his family, she had seen how he had acted with her. She was a complete stranger to him. The Clay that had been in front of her was not the same man she had meet at the team's get together. He had changed, and it had made her think about the life that Clay had come from before meeting Bravo.

"His wounds are healing nicely..." She started to say playing with the coffee cup in her hands, she knew what Jason had meant by the question but she didn't have the heart to tell them the truth about Clay's memories so instead said what she knew. His medical report.

"...there is no sign of any infections taking hold with is always a worry with abdominal wounds. His surgical wound to repair his lung is also healing well. We should be able to remove the staples in a couple of days." Now she couldn't look at them as she talked as she knew the look Jason was giving her was telling her that the answers she was giving weren't what he meant.

"His ribs are starting to heal, we have them wrapped to ease some of the pain but that's mainly due to the painkillers he's on. Hopefully, we should be able to remove the chest drains soon but we need to make sure that his lungs will be able to handle themselves before we do that. Doctor Winn, however, is happy with how much they had healed." She took a sip of her coffee, burning her lips as she took in the hot liquid too fast but she didn't want to give Jason a chance to jump in.

"His shoulder is healing well, we will keep it strapped together until it's healed. But once he starts PT it should start to improve more and be able to rebuild his strength in his arm again. And his skull is showing signs of starting to fuse together. However, we are planning on repeating the CT in a couple of days to make sure there is no more bleeding." As Naima finished she felt Ray's hand on top of hers. She looked up and he soft smiled at her, telling her that it was ok.

They were all feeling the strain now. When one of their own was down, the stress and pain affected them all. And not just the team but their families as well. Naima was feeling the stress of being a mom, wife and private nurse to their injuries Seal. Winn had asked for her to be one of Clay's nurses to see if she would be able to trigger any of Clay's memories. However, it hadn't worked yet.

"I meant.." Jason started to say, knowing that he had no right to be angry at her as she was being there for Clay when they couldn't be.

"I know what you meant Jason," Naima said with a soft smile, as she gripped hold of Ray's hands.

"Clay's memories will come back when they are ready Jason and not before. He is starting to remember some things but not a lot. He remembers applying for DEVGRU but that's all. He doesn't remember Green Team at all yet." Naima said looking at Jason who had forced himself into one of the chairs on the other side to them and rubbed his hand over his head. He really wanted to sleep but he didn't want to leave the hospital not yet anyway.

They all knew that Jason was feeling the stress of everything that had happened to them all but mainly to Clay. They all knew that he was blaming himself for allowing Clay to feel like he couldn't come to him when Mason had come to him with the mission. He then reminded himself that he was still overdue a long conversation with Admiral Mason. He felt the anger come back into him with the thought of what he wanted to say to the man who had risked his rookie.

Then two men appeared at the doorway. At first, their appearance had surprised them as they had not expected anyone else to turn up at the hospital. They knew that Trent, Brock and Sonny were all on base working with Green Team and Alpha. Ray and Jason both got to their feet as they saw who it was and only guessed that something was going on. It was Blackburn in civilian clothing, the man always looked strange in normal clothes and he wasn't alone.

The man he was with looked around the same age as Clay but he was Hispanic and his black hair cut in a simple military cut however there was a shade of a beard on his face. Jason also clocked the outline of a tattoo on the man's shoulder. The man's skin was also very tanned however it didn't come from going on holiday, they could tell that the man had clearly just returned from deployment from the desert.

"Guys this is George Foggin. The current 1IC of Chalk 2. Clay's old unit." Blackburn said introducing the man he was with. Jason and Ray was shocked that Blackburn had been able to find someone from Clay's unit to try to help them.

"That's my cue to leave. I will speak to you later." Naima said getting to her feet. Ray pulled her into a hug before allowing her to leave. She understood why she needed to leave so they could talk more freely, and she was still at work and had other patients to look after.

"So you're Clay's former CO?" Jason asked.

However, the look that George gave them caused them to worry and the man just looked at Blackburn before answering.

"No. I was just one of the guys when Clay was with us. Clay was 2IC when Rich was 1IC." George said, rubbing his arm like it was a painful reminder in talking about his old team. However, then he noticed that what he was saying wasn't making a lot of sense to the Seals in front of him. And he had a feeling that Clay hadn't told his new team about what had happened to his last one.

"Rich was KIA in Afganistan." He explained. Jason froze, Afghanistan was the place that Clay thought he was. So he needed to know what had happened there that wasn't in Clay's file.

"Same mission that Clay got his head injury from?" Jason asked and George sadly nodded.

"We were searching a tunnel system that linked two locations together. It was meant to be a simple raid but then we find the tunnel so we searched it. We just reached the other house that it was linked too when the Taliban set off an explosion that collapsed the tunnel." Foggin took in a breath before speaking again. Ray could tell that Foggin was finding it hard to talk about what happened and he didn't blame it.

"Rich and Clay were trapped on one side and we were trapped on the other." Jason and Ray both linked eyes and knew that was coming. They may not have read the report but they knew where the story was going.

"We couldn't reach them on the radio and couldn't hear anything from the other side so we made our way back to the other house, we called for a helo to take us to the other house. But by the time we got to them, Rich was dead and Clay was buried underneath the rubble. He was barely breathing but we got him out. After Clay had recovered from his head injury and crush injuries, Clay signed up to DEVGRU and that was it." Foggin said finally and crossed his arms like he was protecting himself from some force.

"Sorry for your loss," Ray said, and he meant it. They had all lost someone close to them and knew that Foggin was clearly still affected by what had happened. But also knew that Rich's death would have affected Clay as well. Being right there and not be able to save his friend would destroy a lot of people.

"Thanks..." Foggin paused but after a deep breath he continued. "...Clay blamed himself for what happened, that he failed Rich and us. Rich had wanted Clay to take over him when he retired but after his death, Clay needed to move on." Foggin said, he kind of liked the men in front of him and could tell that they cared about Clay and wanted to help their brother in any way they can.

"So why am I here?" Foggin asked all he had been told was something had happened to Clay and they needed his help.

Jason and Ray both looked at Blackburn, who shock his head. Then they understood that Foggin was very much in the dark. Blackburn hadn't told Foggin a lot about why DEVGRU had requested him as he had wanted to tell him themselves at the hospital. But also knew that Jason and Ray would want some answers that Foggin could give them. But also due to the classified stamp on the mission meant they couldn't tell him a lot, he could only know the bare minimum.

"Clay was kidnapped a couple of weeks ago and suffered a bad head injury. It caused him to lose the last two years of his life. He doesn't remember being part of DEVGRU or us." Ray reported and couldn't help but feel his emotions creep into his own words.

"How can I help?" Foggin said immediately and looked at them seriously, any pain that he had on his face talking about Rich was gone. His brother needed him. And he wouldn't abandon him again.


	18. The Past

Chapter Eighteen

Clay's head was killing him and no matter how much of the good stuff his nurses gave him, it never went away. The pain relief did numb the pain for a couple of hours however was still there. His skull felt like it had been cracked open, his brain kicked around like a football and then put back in his skull where it had been pinned and plated together. He knew that that wasn't too far from the truth. but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

His body had gone through a lot even if he couldn't remember what had happened. He knew his body and knew that there wasn't one part of him that didn't hurt. He had seen the bruises that littered his entire body, and the large bandages that was wrapped around different limps and body parts told him that whatever had happened had caused a lot of internal damage. Every time he moved his abdomen whether that was because he was asked to by one of the nurses or he just turned in the bed he could feel the pull of his stitches in his skin.

His doctor had told him that he had been though a lot, had gone through multiple operations. So the pain was expected, and his doctor had also listed each one of his injuries, when he could finally stay awake longer than five minutes. For the first few days all he wanted to do was sleep, his body screamed for it. But something that had played on his mind both when he was awake or asleep was that he had no idea about what had happened to him? All Doctor Winn had said was that he had been injured on deployment. But Clay knew that it had to be more than that. His whole body hurt like he had been fired from a cannon into a concrete wall.

However it wasn't just how he came to be in hospital that confused him; it was how everyone around him was acting. Doctor Winn would only say that he was hurt on an op and he didn't know the details and quickly changed the topic. Also, his four nurses seem to be tiptoeing around him too, they barely spoke to him and when they did, it was caring but at the same time, he could tell that they were nervous around him. Which was new to him. Every time he had been admitted to hospital for some reason, often being hurt on a mission or a drunken accident, he couldn't get away from the nurses.

He remembered the time he had taken a shot to the head one mission in Iraq, thankfully it had only fractured his skull and caused a small bleed that had stopped on its own but still caused him to be admitted to hospital when they had returned home. Something he hadn't been happy about.

Rich had made him stay with him after he had been released from the hospital a whole three weeks early after the fifth time he had threatened to walk out. The doctor had wanted to keep him in hospital for a total of five weeks to keep an eye on the bleed that had formed in his brain and to make sure there was no lasting damage. The shot had also caused him to fall out of a second storey building. And they were all worried about him having more serious damage even though all of his x-rays and scans had come back negative. Which pissed him off even more.

The doctor had really only agreed to the plan thanks to the fact that most of his nurses spent a lot of their time flirting with him, making sure he had everything he needed or getting him things that they thought he would need. Rich had also promised not to let him out of his sight so he wouldn't be left unattended and he hadn't. Clay had stayed with Rich and his family for over two months until he had been cleared for light duties. However, it wasn't until the doctor had completely signed him off that he had stopped feeling Rich's eyes burning a hole in the back of his head. He loved the guy however sometimes he drove him crazy about how protective he was of him.

All the time he had lived with Rich's family, he had started to see what a real family looked like. And a family where they had wanted him there too. Nothing like the family he grew up in. His grandparents loved him, he knew that, but at the same time, it was not their job to raise their grandson. That was Ash's job and one he'd failed at. With Rich's family he felt loved. Amy, Rich's wife, had always made sure to set out a seat from him at their table and didn't question why he was there when they had returned from deployment or from base. He had also become a big brother to their three kids.

Zac, aged ten. Maddison, aged six. And little Boby aged four. He loved them all like they were his own siblings and was always there for them when they needed him. He always took calls from Zac, which was often about him needing help with his Spanish homework. The kid was smart. Really smart. Teachers called him a gifted student, however, everyone else told him that he was special. It was something that everyone had called Clay when he was growing up. He was always gifted when it came to languages, it was why he had learnt so many of them in only a short amount of time.

However, he always thought Zac was a lot smarter than he was as he had made it known that he had no ambition to follow his father into the Navy. Instead, he wanted to become a teacher. In either science or history.

Clay had respected him for that. In some way, he wished that he hadn't joined the Seals and sometimes thought about leaving because of what Ash had done. His father had already darkened the water around him with his damn book as soon as he had wrote it but at the same time he had something to prove. He wasn't his father. He was a hell of a better man than Ash was. And thankfully his team, Chalk 2 he had been given a new family.

But that was now over. His family was gone. He kept seeing Rich's dead eyes just staring back at him. Like he was demanding why he hadn't dug himself out of the rubble to saved him. Why he had allowed Amy to become a widower and a single mom and for his children to grow up without a father. It was all his fault, and he knew it. He should have seen the attack coming as the intel had been too clean cut. But he had failed.

Shaking his head out of the memories, he looked around his hospital room. One of his nurses had just left after checking on his charts again. He had found out that her name was Naima, and after taking a look at his hospital chart he found out that she was his main nurse.

Which was odd. He had never been given a nurse before. He had been in hospital before and knew that on occasion he had been assigned a nurse but they would also have other patients to look after. She was also very motherly towards him like she knew him but he had no idea how. Every time Doctor Winn or one of the other nurses entered the room, she was with them. They were never alone. He had wanted to ask her why, but never found the time as normally after a check-up his body was too wiped to do anything but sleep.

He'd clocked her wedding ring on her left hand and had also seen her husband. He would often appear at the door and when that happened she would quickly leave. He had seen the two hug just outside his door but what was odd was that Naima's husband seemed to be also checking up on him. He had felt the man's eyes on him every time he had come to the door. He had never seen the man before but could tell that the man was military from the way he carried himself.

And the man was not often alone. Clay would often see him with four different men and one woman just outside his door in the little waiting that was just outside his room. All were clearly military. However, he had no idea who they were and they were never in uniform so he couldn't see what unit they were with or their ranks.

One of them however reminding him of his old commanding officer and by the way the others reacted to the man clearly spelt out that he was the officer in charge. But he barely saw him much. It was just often the others that were sat out there, looking into his room.

However, the doctors nor the nurses had told him why they were here but the thing that he wanted to know the most was who were they. The other thing he wanted to know was why everyone seemed to be walking on eggshells around him? He knew that he was missing something, even if he couldn't work out what yet.

Clay then broke out of his head when his door opened. His nurse had just left and he knew that he wasn't ready for his next dose of antibiotics for another hour, he looked up and was surprised at who had just walked in. It was someone who he hadn't expected to see ever again. He remembered signing the paperwork for DEVGRU so he didn't have to face his old team again. So why was he here?

"Foggy what are you doing here?" He asked. He hadn't spent much time with the rest of the team since Rich had been killed. He didn't want to see the pain that he had caused the rest of the team. He was 2IC and meant to protect their number one and the rest of the team and he had failed on both accounts. However, he noticed that Foggy had cut his hair shorter than it had ever been before.

"Just checking up in some idiot who got himself hurt once again," Foggy said with a smile before taking the seat next to his bed, he couldn't help but rub his hand over the base of his neck as he sat down. He had seen Clay hurt before but this time, it scared him. He had never seen Clay so badly broken before. The bruisers were so clear to see against Clay's pale skin and the thick bandages that were wrapped around his friend's body worried him more. They had a saying that the thicker the bandage, the more serious the wound that they were hiding.

Clay stared at his friend with a confused look on his face. He had always been able to read Foggy so easily. It was one of the things Rich loved having him as 2IC because he could read his men so quickly that he could get ahead of any problems that could come up whilst on deployment. However, sadly that meant Foggy was the worst poker player in the team. Maybe even the whole platoon.

In their downtime that they had, they often played poker, in which he would clean Foggy out. But at the same time, he would also clean out the rest of the unit. However, he never collected the whole amount when they got home. Or he would cause his friend to become broke. Instead, he just allowed his friend to buy him all of his drinks when they went out to the bars after returning from deployment but would, after a week, clear Foggy's debt. He wasn't about to let his friend go hungry paying off his debt to him. But at this moment he knew that Foggy knew something and was finding it hard to hide it from him.

"Really, that is what you're going with?" Clay asked, giving him the look that he had used a thousand times with his friends when he knew they were lying to him. It was also used the tone that told them that he wasn't buying what he was selling.

Foggy looked at Clay, remembering the plan that he and Bravo had come up with and just said without really meeting Clay's eyes because he could feel his former 2IC drilling him with his stare. "Truthful. I wanted to make sure you were ok, you know after what happened."

Hoping that Clay would believe that he wanted to talk about what had happened in Afganistan. He owed Clay a lot and was the reason why he was still alive today. But he couldn't help but rub his hand over his neck as he spoke.

They may have planned how they were going to approach the topic of Clay's lost memories outside however actually doing it was the completely different thing. And a lot harder. He had no idea how Clay was going to react to the fact that he had lost two years of memories, that he had a new team who had become his new family and he had achieved what he wanted to do and become a better operator than his father, without freaking out.

Clay studied his friend who was like a brother carefully before speaking. "I know."

Foggy's head shot up and stared at his friend with a worried face and then though back to what he said to see if he had slipped up, however finding nothing he asked. "Know what?"

He hadn't slipped up but did Clay meant what he thought he meant? Did he mean that he knew Rich was dead or he remembered Rich had died in that room? Or did he mean that he knew that his brothers didn't blame him for what happened? He had no idea.

Clay shrugged his shoulders but stopped as the pain shot through his shoulder. He held his breath and waited until the pain lessened. He had to remember not to do that again. After a couple of minutes he opened his eyes, looking back at Foggy he saw the worry written all over Foggy's face and hoped that he hadn't scared his friend too much. When the pain killers were in his system, all of his pain disappeared. He didn't feel anything when he laid completely still. Not until he moved.

"I know that I can't remember the last two years," Clay admitted and lent back into his pillows hoping that the pain in his arm would stop.

Foggy just stared at his friend with total shock. How did Clay know? No one had told him the date and he knew that he was unlikely to work out that he had lost that much time just by chance. He remembered been told that everyone had been drilled not to say anything to Clay. Clay's 2IC's wife had been told not to let on that she knew him, and that order had been issued to everyone.

"How did you know?" Foggy asked as he turned to look out of the room's window into the hall like he was looking for someone to tell him what to do, but found no one there. Then he remembered that Commander Blackburn had taken Hayes and Perry to get something to eat whilst he talked to Clay.

Clay smiled softly and knew that that information was the reason for Foggy's odd behaviour. With a sigh, he spoke. "The nurses aren't that great at hiding my charts. I saw the date." He admitted.

It had been on the fourth day that he had been awake, one of the nurses had been called out of his room leaving one of his charts next to his bed. He had wanted to know why everyone was so worried when they were around him and thankfully the chart had shown him that. It was just full of what his monitors had said however it was what was in the right-hand corner that had given him the answers he was looking for.

The date had told him that he was missing over two years of memories. It scared him at first however was able to control that fear with the fact that he guessed something horrific had happened to him to cause him to lose that much time. It also made sense now that Naima kept asking him if he remembered anything when she was doing his checks but also lead him to believe that she was one of his lost memories. She kept correcting the terms she used with him and Clay could only guess that Niama was once someone he knew well.

"So, what can't I remember?" Clay asked Foggy, he had a feeling that Foggy knew more than what he was saying however guessed that if he had entered DEVGRU then his friend wouldn't know everything.

Foggy sighed, he didn't know how much to tell Clay without causing him too much pain. But at the same time, he couldn't lie to his friend. It didn't matter what the guys from Bravo said, he wasn't going to leave Clay hanging.

"You made it into DEVGRU as you wanted too. Then became part of Bravo..." Foggy started knowing that it was better to start from the beginning as it was less likely to cause Clay to go into shock. However then Clay interrupted him.

"Is that who has been camped outside my door?" It had started to make sense now. The men outside his room were his new team. A team that he forgot. Now he knew why they hadn't left him alone, a team was like a family. Someone had told him that once...

It was that voice again. A voice that sounded so clear in his head but he couldn't see the man's face, it was blurry. The voice was of a friend, someone who made him feel safe. He automatically knew the voice was of someone he saw as a father figure. Which only meant that he trusted the man with his life. The voice was telling him that the teams were a family and that they had to believe that the team would always be there for him whatever situation he found himself in. He would never be alone. However, with the feeling of safety that came with the voice, he also felt the pain of loss. Whoever voice it was, he knew was dead. He had lost another person who he thought as family.

But then the whole was overlapped with a new voice. Another male voice but the words he used was different. The voice was telling him that being a team guy meant that he was never alone. That the team was overall your family and that he needed to hold on to it with everything he had as when his number was up he would feel the pain of being alone. The voice filled him with sadness. Like a painful memory was only a second away of coming to his head but didn't. Whoever this voice belonged too was also gone.

"Clay? Are you ok?" Foggy's voice brought him out of his head, he then saw his friend was now stood next to him, with his hand close to his shoulder like he wanted to place it there but was worried that he would hurt Clay.

"Yer. I'm ok. Just remembered something." Clay admitted but knew that his voice told him that whatever he remembered had shaken him.

"What to tell me what it was?" Foggy asked retaking his seat, now he knew that Clay was ok and he didn't need to go find a nurse.

"Voices. Voices of men I knew but I don't know who or why?" Clay admitted. "But I know that whoever the voices belonged too are dead."

Foggy sat silent for a second, not knowing what to say to Clay. He could tell that whoever the voices Clay was hearing, they meant something to him. He had only heard Clay's voice like that once and that was at Rich's funeral when Clay had read something that he had written for the wake. Amy had asked him to do it and Rich had also stated it in his will. Clay didn't want to do it but had honoured his friend's last wishes.

"Do you want me to go?" Foggy asked. He didn't want to cause his friend any more pain which he knew was happening as he started to remember things and if he was causing that then he would go and leave his friend in peace.

Clay closed his eyes and shook his head. He wanted to remember, even if it caused him pain.

"I want to remember." He muttered, knowing that if he didn't then he would always wonder who the voices belonged too. But also how close he had become to his new team. He then remembered the face of the man he had seen when he had first woken up. The face felt familiar to him. But he couldn't place it. He felt like the man's name was only on the tip of his tongue but yet he couldn't say it.

Then a name came to his head. It didn't belong to the man he had first seen when he woke up but he felt like the name was linked to him. "Who's Brian?" Clay asked. Foggy looked confused at the name, he didn't know who Clay meant but knew where he could get the answer from. "Give me a minute," Foggy said and then quickly got to his feet and left the room. Whoever Brian was, meant something to Clay.

As he entered the hall and quickly looked around to see if any of Clay's team, they were the people who Clay would know and could help with him remembering some of his memories. However, he couldn't see any of them. He needed to find someone who could tell him who Brian was and in turn what he meant to Clay. Then he closed down the hall towards the nurse's station and his heart gave a little cheer. At the desk stood Ray, who was stood talking to his wife. Quickly moving towards him he called out his name. "Ray."

That caught Ray's attention and he turned to see Foggin heading towards him. "Clay?" He asked, now worried that they had done more harm than good letting Foggin speak to Clay. He wouldn't forgive himself if they had caused Clay any more pain than he hadn't gone through already.

"He is starting to remember things. Mainly voices but then asked me who Brian was... Do you know...?" Foggy asked but when he said the name, he could tell that the name meant something to Ray. However, the look that Ray gave him when he heard the name worried him as it was a mixture of worry and pain. He had a feeling that whoever Brian was, his connection to Clay would only cause him more pain.

"Brian was someone who Clay went through Green Team with. He died just before the draft." Ray said rubbing his hand over his face, he knew that he needed to be the one to tell Clay and couldn't leave Foggin to do it. With a sigh, he took a quick glance behind him at Naima and then turned back to Foggin. "I'll tell him." He finally said and moved towards Clay's room.

"Ray?" Naima called after him.

He stopped and turned to look at her. "You can't go in there." She said with a stern look on her face.

Ray looked at his wife, he knew that she meant well however he knew that he had to be the one to tell Clay who Brian was and what had happened to him. He sighed but didn't back down. "Naima, he needed to hear it from me who Brian was. He needs to know what happened and Foggin doesn't know that." Adam and he had talked at length about what Brian's death would mean for Clay, they knew that Clay had lost friends before however watching someone fall to his death would change anyone. And it had to Clay, even if it didn't show that well. He knew that Clay carried the pain of losing Brian every day however he didn't allow his pain to stop him from doing what he did.

Naima sighed and then nodded, knowing what Ray meant. All her husband wanted to do was to help Clay remember his past. But she was worried that Ray going in there would cause Clay harm and would force him to remember everything too soon. She knew the damage recalling memories could do on the body. And with the knowledge that Clay had been tortured, she was worried that maybe making Clay remember too soon would cause him to relive the horror that he must have gone through. Which she knew would cause his body to go into shock.

Ray took the nod as her way of telling him that she gave her permission to go into the room, quickly turning around he headed towards Clay's room not wanting to give Naima time to change her mind. Foggin followed him and went with him into Clay's room. He was worried that maybe they were pushing Clay too much but knew that his friend would want the truth.

Clay had been trapped in his own head as soon as Foggy had left the room. He had tried to remember who Brian was or how he was connected to him. The voices were also playing again in his head however it wasn't just the two voices like before. Now his head was swimming in them, unknown voices who sounded so familiar to him. Like he had known them and trusted them but at the same time, he couldn't remember them. And it was causing him a massive headache. Why couldn't he remember? What was wrong with him?

But then he heard the door open and then close. Looking up he saw Foggy was back and he wasn't alone. With him was Naima's husband. He had a feeling that the man in front of him was one of his new teammates. It would make sense why Naima knew him if he was.

Also, he could tell the man in front of him was also a Seal about how he presented himself to him. In his training, he always sized people up when he first saw them. He had always done it since as long as he could remember, it was why he was still alive today. His instinct had saved him in the past and so he had to trust it now. His instinct told him that the man in front of him was friendly and he didn't need to worry about him hurting him as he wouldn't.

"Hi Clay. I'm..." Ray started but then Clay interrupted him.

As soon as he heard Ray's voice, it felt like his head exploded. He knew the man's name and knew why he knew him and how he knew him. He remembered being stood in a training room looking up and seeing the man stood on a platform with the man who had been in his room. Green team. He remembered it, that day, he had told his instructor that the whole thing was a no-win situation and he knew it. He knew that he had said it in a more smart-arse comment. He remembered seeing the man in front of him there stood nodding at his actions but then soon left after he was ordered to go again.

"Ray..." Clay said and it wasn't a question. He said it like he had done a hundred times, ever since they had meet him. It was in a way that told him that he had remembered him.

Ray stopped in shock where he stood. He hadn't expected Clay to remember him as soon as he spoke. He could only guess that it had been his voice that had trigged his memory. He remembered Foggin saying that Clay had remembered voices first which meant maybe voices were the thing that helped him recall his memories. Clay had remembered him, that was all he remembered. His brother had remembered him. "You know me?" He asked, not sure how much Clay had remembered.

"Yer. I remember you, Ray, I remember you hurting your shoulder throwing that grenade in J-Bad." Clay said without really thinking about what he was saying. It was just what popped into his head. To him it felt like parts of his memories had started to come back but not altogether, they were only snapshots. Scenes from his past that he couldn't remember.

Ray grimmest at the comment, he had killed the kid because he didn't report his injury to Jason. He had lied to be deployed and had paid for it, he had nearly lost his place within Bravo. But for Clay to remember his name meant that he had started to remember.

"Yer brother. At least you remembered one of us." He didn't mean for that to come out but couldn't help it. "Remember anything else?" He asked moving closer to Clay just in case he needed to calm his brother if anything happened.

Clay looked up at Ray and then nodded, something was happening to him and he could see his heart rate start to increase. Images started to flash before his eyes like he was right there again.

"I fell through a floor... when we were searching a building to make sure it was safe... Got my leg jammed on the debris that fell on me but told you to head up to overwatch...then there were fighters above me...then multiple shots..." But then he stopped.

Images in his head kept coming like they were on a film that was running again and again in his head. He couldn't control his breathing anymore. His lungs wouldn't work, they felt like was being suffocated. He could hear Ray's voice again calling his name but it wasn't close anymore; it was far away and moving further away. "Sonny...stuck in a tube...Cerberus getting stabbed...Echo dying...Helo crash..."

And that was it. His head felt like it exploded with images. And then everything just went black and he knew no more.


	19. The Truth

Chapter nineteen

Jason was pissed. No. That was wrong. He wasn't pissed, he was livered.

Why couldn't anything go right for them? For him?

Clay seemed to have the whole world against him, he had been blown up and had spent months trying to prove the doctors wrong. Clay's card had almost been stamped. One night after they had returned and after Swanny's funeral Clay had admitted to him that the doctors weren't sure if his leg would heal enough to return to Bravo. That news had scared Jason, he didn't want to lose Clay; the kid had too much to give. He had pulled Trent aside and had made him promise to work with the doctors to get Clay back to fighting fit. However, he also knew that Trent wouldn't be alone with Clay's recovery. The whole team was. And with all their hard work, they had come so close to getting Clay back when he had been sent away from them into danger without their knowledge. And that was their main problem and something they weren't going to forget.

Sonny had lost his rag a couple of times on that one and they all had been worried about him going off on his own looking for whoever had sent their brother into danger. Their hot-headed Texan had lived up to his name and they were finding it hard to control him when his temper had reached boiling point. Brock and Trent had tried to calm him down once at the gym however after that failed attempt, they had kept Lisa on speed dial. And thankfully for them, Lisa had been a god sent. She had somehow gotten through to the mad Texan and had been able to keep him in line. For now.

Brock had distracted himself by spending as much time with Cerberus as he could when he wasn't in the hospital. He might be worried about Clay however that worried feeling had started to shift towards his four-legged friend. Cerberus had started to act very oddly ever since Clay had woke up. Even some of the most experienced handlers had started to worry about the dog's behaviour. Cerberus had started to mope around his kennel and when they took him out for training they were meet with a very angry dog. Cerberus seemed to very much like the bit sleeve when it was used and had started to refuse to give it back when ordered. Brock could only guess that as he had been banned from visiting their brother he was acting up.

Trent had focused all of his energy and construction on checking over Clay's medical records and kept in constant contact with Doctor Winn and Niama to make sure that Clay was improving instead of the latter. Jason knew that Trent had been worried that he had caused more harm than good as soon as they had pulled their brother from the water. He also blamed himself for not releasing that Clay wasn't breathing sooner and Jason knew that Trent wouldn't change his mind until Clay had been cleared. Trent had never failed them yet and in his heart, Trent knew that he had done everything possible to help Clay. Just wished it was enough. Also, he had been working with Lucas at length to come up with Clay's recovery plan for when the doctors allowed them to start it PT.

Ray had split his time from the base, the hospital and home but even then he couldn't switch his head off. Thankfully with Naima taking longer hours at the hospital, it meant he had more time to spend with his kids. However, it wasn't much of a break. As he watched his kids play he couldn't help think back to the sight of Clay just laying there on the floor or in a hospital bed. He, like Jason, was blaming himself too. Maybe if he had reached out to the kid more when he was in rehab because he knew what it was like. Being worried about whether or not he would make it back onto the team. Maybe he could have stopped all of this.

Jason had almost become like a piece of furniture in the hospital after Clay had woken up he had started nap in the waiting room. Jason knew that Emma and Mikey could take care of themselves and of course, they had his mom. She had come down as soon as he had called her about Clay, he needed her help as he knew that his place would be with Clay. Emma could look after herself and so could Mikey. They were great kids but they had been through a lot. Losing their mom and then nearly losing one of his men who was like an older brother had hit them as hard as losing their mother had. But thankfully Clay was still with them and fighting.

But something that surprised them all was how pissed the whole situation was for Harrington and Blackburn. Jason knew that both officers had their hearts in the right place. For officers, anyway. They cared about the men under their command, and Clay was no exception. They couldn't understand why they weren't told one of their own was been used on a mission without them being informed or read in. As soon as they had landed Jason hadn't seen Blackburn after their meeting. And no one could get hold of him either. Harrington had also gone dark.

However, he had a feeling that he knew very well where the two of them were. They wanted answers as much as they did and grilling command was one way of getting them but personally, he had a feeling that the only person who could give them the answers that they were looking for was Admiral Mason. Mason was the reason Clay had been brought onto the unit and onto the mission itself. And he had to pay for it.

Jason had finally forced himself it sit in one of the uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room. Ray had come running after been kicked out of Clay's hospital room to find them. He had told him that Clay's memories had started to come back by hearing his voice but sadly like all the doctors and nurses had been worried about, it was too much for Clay's body to handle. It had sent him into a fit because he had remembered too much too soon.

Had they pushed Clay too soon?

Had they done more harm than good?

Those were the questions that were running through his head and he couldn't get them to stop. Blackburn had headed back to base to inform the others of what had happened and Ray had gone with them since Naima seem to be not talking to her husband any more. They knew that she had gone all momma bear on the kid as soon as Ray had gone to get him and brought them all back to the waiting room. She had banned anyone from Bravo from entering the room until she said otherwise, however she had told them that they had been able to stop Clay's fit but that he was now, once again, heavily sedated to stop it from happening again. And maybe in a day or two would they lessen it, in order for him to come round slowly.

But Jason couldn't leave. He couldn't stop thinking about what Foggin had told him about Clay's old team. There was a lot of things he didn't know about the kid. And the list was just getting longer and longer. He made a mental note to revisit Clay's file as soon as he could. He needed to know more about Clay's past, maybe that will allow him to learn a little bit more about the kid.

Foggin had left soon after the doctors had updated them on Clay's condition. The poor kid had just gotten home from the sandbox and needed time with his family. However, Jason could see the battle that was going on inside the kids head about whether or not to stay or go. Foggin's behaviour only strengthed the feeling that maybe the relationship Clay had with his old team was a lot stronger than the current one he had with Bravo. And that scared him, but what scared him more was the fact that Clay blamed himself for his former 1IC death. Which explained a few things, like why Clay was so protective over them when they were operating. Something he needed to talk to Clay about as soon as he came round, coz they seriously had to talk about the fact that it wasn't his fault. Even if he had to find the AAR on the mission so he could go through it with him. And remind him that it wasn't her fault.

However, he was brought out of his head when he heard someone approach Clay's room. He looked up hoping it was Naima or Winn heading in to check on Clay's condition. Which was what he wanted to know every time someone entered or got close to Clay's door. He knew the kid was asleep and resting as he should be but at the same time, he couldn't stop his mind from turning. Looking up to see who it was, his worry and stress that was plaguing his head turned to anger. He clocked the uniform first but then put it together in his head. In front of him, like he hadn't even noticed him, was the one person he wanted to talk too. Admiral Mason.

Anger was burning throughout his whole body and he could stop his fists from forming, he felt his nails dig into the palm. God help him, all he wanted to do was to show Mason what he thought about him using one of his men without telling him. Getting to his feet without a word he moved just behind Mason and watched what the man was doing. He found it odd that the man would show his face in the hospital after what he had done. To be truthful, he had hoped that he would turn up so he could tell him exactly what he thought of him but never thought he would never do it.

"Master Chief Hayes," Mason said not turning or moving his eyes. His eyes were fixed on Clay, the kid looked peaceful.

"What are you doing here?" Jason demanded, he was seriously pissed now. All rank and respect gone from his voice. He knew that he could get in a lot of trouble for speaking to an Admiral like he was but he didn't care. The man had some serious nerve showing up at Clay's bedside but thankfully the Admiral would only have to face him down and not the whole team. If he had turned up with them all there then Sonny would more likely end up in the brig.

Mason sighed. He nodded knowing where the anger was coming from, he had expected it and personally he knew that he hadn't come earlier because he was scared to have to face his own failures. He had failed his godson, it was plain and simple. He had knowingly placed him in harm's way when he knew he wasn't cleared for duty. He had set his mind to think that Clay was ready and as a Seal, Clay was always ready for anything but at the same time, he kept forgetting that Clay, like them all, was only human. He hurt, he felt pain, he bled. And he had suffered all of those things because of him. He was no better than Ash.

Hearing Jason's anger he knew that expected it. Mainly because he felt the same anger, both at himself for asking Clay to be part of the mission and anger towards Jones for betraying everything that he stood for and what they all believed. The man had betrayed his country, his men and his beliefs. However, he knew that the anger from Bravo's point of view would be worse than any of his own anger. He had been part of a team before and knew that they were like a family if the men allowed it to be. And he had betrayed that family unit or had ordered Clay to betray it. By keeping them in the dark he had hoped that Clay would see that he was ready and a better Seal because of it but instead he had been betrayed, shot, tortured and then left for dead. He wouldn't be surprised if Clay never spoke to him again.

Something that he would carry with him to his grave.

"Just checking up on him. Same as you." Mason finally said, turning to face the angry Seal.

"Like you give a damn about Cla..." Jason started to say, all his anger was getting the better of him and he knew it but didn't fight it. However, before he could finish his sentence, Mason interrupted him with a new tone to his voice. It wasn't his Admiral's voice but sounded familiar to Jason. But he couldn't place it.

"...Let me stop you right there Hayes." Mason snapped and took one step closer to Jason, which anyone else would see was a bad idea however in that moment, Mason didn't care. All his anger was now, like Jason's, starting to build inside him.

"This mission was never meant to end like this. Clay was meant to be safe..." Mason started, and every time Jason was about to interrupt him, he shot him down. He needed to get out what was on his chest but more importantly, he needed to make Hayes see that he wasn't a threat. Because in his head that was the main problem. He had taken Clay away from his family. Something that was very much a big no-no in the Seal community.

"This mission was meant to be a simple intel-gathering op. Clay was never meant to be in danger but if something went wrong I knew Clay would be able to handle it. I know what Clay is capable of more so than you do. The kid is what I want every Seal to be like, loyal, determined, strong-willed, lethal but more importantly, he knew what it is like to see both the evil and the good in the world." Mason stopped, maybe he thought too much of the kid. Maybe he put too much pressure on him to take the mission and prove everyone wrong about him.

With a sigh, Mason turned to look back at Clay, 'god the kid looked so young when he was sleeping.' He thought to himself. He felt the tears start to form in his eyes, and as he didn't want Jason to see him he made sure that his complete face was hidden from view. Clay had a big heart. He cared. Cared about the people he was helping, who he was saving, the men and women who were serving with him and more importantly, he cared about his team. It was plain and simple that the kid cared, but maybe he cared a little too much. "And maybe that's the problem..." He said quietly and mainly to himself. However, he knew that Jason would have heard him.

Jason watched the Admiral in front of him carefully. Everything about the man screamed that he knew more than he was letting on. And when he talked about Clay it was like he had known the kid for years. Maybe his whole life. Now things weren't adding up in his head and nearly all of his anger was gone. The man in front of him wasn't the hardened Admiral that had sent one of his men, one that wasn't ready for full duty, into the field without any real back up. Instead, it was a broken man.

And then he worked out where he had heard that voice before. It was the voice of a father. However, that just confused him even more. Why would Mason care for Clay like a father would for their son? It didn't make sense...

Mason turned back to face Hayes again knowing that the silence was happening for a reason. At least the man wasn't shouting or punching him. Yet.

"Come on and sit down Hayes," Mason said moving towards the chairs and quickly placed his cover onto one of the chairs next to him; thankfully Jason followed suit. Because he needed Hayes to listen to him carefully and without judgement for both him and for Clay.

"Me and Ash Spencer were in the same Tier One unit together." Mason started with and he saw the shock in Jason's face just like he had seen it in Blackburn's. But both men needed to know the truth.

"Ash and Anna, Clay's mother, named me his godfather shortly after he was born. And after Anna died and he went off to Africa, I did my best to keep in contact with him. Letters, postcards, stuff like that. But I didn't really see him again fully until he came to me after he had signed up to the Seals." Mason explained.

Jason didn't know how to react, the man in front of him was not only the man who had sent Clay into danger but was also his godfather.

Clay's godfather was an Admiral. He couldn't get his head around that and the fact that he hadn't mentioned it once? God, the list of things to talk to Clay about was now getting longer and longer. But what he didn't understand was why Mason was telling him this. What difference would it make for him to know this personal information about Clay? Was it in an attempt to get him to forgive the Admiral so he wouldn't cause problems with the only person outside the team that really gave a damn about the kid?

"We agreed to keep who I was a secret. Come on, people give him another trouble for what his father did. He didn't need to be known as the Seal who's father had betrayed all of our secrets for a paycheck and have a godfather who was an Admiral to boot." Mason said. They both knew that Clay got a lot of stick for who his father was, and what Ash had done to them all. He had gone against the brotherhood which was something that they all took to heart and which had put them all in danger as he had relieved some trade secrets, to make a profit.

"Kid's been through enough hell without me adding things to it. Losing his mother, getting abandoned by his father a week after her funeral, being sent to a country he didn't know. And then when he joined the Seal, everyone looking at him like he was his father. Losing friends. Getting hurt, being told he could kiss his job, his dream goodbye. The kid..." Mason said, now not looking at Jason but at the wall. Listing things that Clay had faced was tipping them both other the edge.

Clay had suffered more than anyone else Jason know of. No wonder the kid didn't trust easily. And now it made a little more sense, everyone in Clay's life had either left him, died on him or turned on him. Or worse, he believed that he failed them. It seemed to be a running theme with the kid and something Jason had noticed, the kid was often as hard on himself than anyone else was. Did the kid really believe that he needed to be perfect just to prove to everyone that he was his father?

If that was the case then Jason would have to turn his light-hearted sit down that he was planning on having with Clay into a full team fire pit meeting. Clay needed to hear from the team about what he meant to them all. Getting Sonny to admit of liking the kid was going to be like trying to pull teeth but he would do his best. Clay needed to hear that they would always have his back no matter what and if anyone messed with him then they messed with them all.

"I never meant for any of this to happen. I just needed to see the old Clay that I knew. Being told repeatly that he may never operate again was dragging him down and I could see the cracks in his armour. He needed to get back out there..." Mason said rubbing his hand over his face. Thinking back to the look he could see in Clay's eyes when he had visited him when Swanny had left. His eyes were full of defeat and pain. Something he never wanted to see again in the kid's eyes if he could help it.

"It wasn't all of your fault." Jason finally admitted, he didn't know why he felt sorry for the guy but at the same time knew where he was coming from. He had seen the kid's cracks as well. Something that would only heal if he could operate, which at that point was a long time coming. Maybe just getting him out of the country and on that fatal mission was enough to help the kid but Jason couldn't get the image out of his head of Trent shocking Clay's heart on that boat.

Mason looked up in shock at Hayes confession. He wasn't expecting that however knew that when he said it wasn't all his fault then he still blamed him for some of it. Which made more sense coming from the man in front of him.

"Clay chose to go on the mission, you didn't force him. You didn't force him to go back into danger. It's just who he is. Everything that went wrong. Clay's injuries, the CIA agents deaths, well they all lay right at the feet of Jones and Zurkoff. Who has paid for it? I hope." Jason said looking Mason square in the face. Zurkoff was dead thanks to the crew of HMS Dragon but Jones he had no word of. Not since they had flown him out.

Mason nodded, telling Jason that Jones was paying for his crimes even if he couldn't tell him how. CIA and their secrets, Jason thought but he didn't really care much about what was happening to that traitor as long as it meant he was as far away from his man as he could be. He wasn't letting Jones get near Clay again, not when he was still breathing.

"Sorry..." A voice made them both jump to their feet. Both of them had not heard someone come close to them and privately they both kicked themselves at allowing someone to get the drop on not just one of them but both. However turning to the voice, Jason knew that the young red-haired nurse was no threat to them nor Clay. It was one of Clay's nurses that had been working very closely with Naima. Jason knew her name was Alice and Clay really liked her.

"...It's just he is asking for you." She said, really been surprised that she had made two Navy guys jump as much as they did but at the same time worried about Clay. She had thought about going to get Naima or Doctor Winn first however she was worried about what would Clay do if left alone awake. Before he had removed his IVs himself and his monitors.

"I thought he was heavily sedated?" Jason asked confused. Winn had told him that it was unlikely for Clay to wake up for the next few days not hours.

"He was but he has been fighting the sedation again and is demanding to see you, Mr Hayes. I need to get Doctor Winn but I'm worried..." Alice admitted but Mason stopped her. He felt sorry for the young nurse. His godson was a pain when it came to hospitals and doing what the doctors told him.

"...that he would try to get out of bed himself?" He asked and she nodded.

"Leave him to us." Mason said with a small smile.

Alice grinned back and quickly headed off to find someone to help her, she needed Doctor Winn and knew where to find him. He had settled himself into one of the spare rooms on the next ward so he could get some sleep when he wasn't dealing with Clay. The man was worried after the fit and wanted to stay close just in case he had another one.

Mason turned and shook his head, 'This kid is going to be the death of me.' He thought with a small smile on his face. Everytime the kid was in hospital it was the same thing, he never listened to anyone and would push himself as far as he could go. Taking the IVs out, cutting down on the pain medication and trying to leave the hospital with an AMA had also become a thing. He was personally going to kill this kid one day, that or handcuff him to the bed so he couldn't leave.

Turning to face Jason with the grin still there, "Shall we go and deal with him before he hurts himself even more?"

Jason didn't need to be told twice and with a small smile and a quick nod, they moved towards Clay's room. Jason knew what the plan was. Clay couldn't argue with an order from him nor from Mason. As they entered the room, Jason almost felt like a father catching his son doing something bad. "Clay leave that alone..." He immediately said as he caught at what Clay was doing.

Mason smiled at hearing Jason called to Clay as soon as he entered the room. This kid was going to give them both grey hairs. To be truthful he had gotten more grey hairs from Clay than he had gotten from his own. But in now he knew that they outnumbered Clay. Two against one seemed fair enough. For now. But he knew that when the rest of Bravo turned up, he might need Jason and Clay on his.


	20. What the hell is happening here?

Chapter Twenty

Emma was so tired; she knew that was lucky not to fall asleep in her classes today. However, that had started to become a theme for her lately. It didn't matter how much sleep she had been able to get, it was never enough. One time she had actually fallen asleep in one of her classes as they had been watching a film for a protect. Thankfully her friend had been able to wake her without anyone else seeing her. Ever since she had gotten the call from her Dad she hadn't been able to function like a normal human being. And today had been the last straw. She needed to go home and sleep for a month.

And so that was her plan, to go home and sleep for as long as her body needed her too. She knew that she wouldn't get that sleep in her college flat, as much as she loved her place, she needed to get away from it. Her flat was sometimes like Grand Central Station with everyone coming in and out of it. She normally liked having a busy social life however recently all she wanted was to be left alone. And so she was heading home, she knew that her dad wasn't going to be there as he never was recently which meant she would be alone. So hopefully she would be able to get a good amount of sleep before her Dad got home if he ever did but also she wouldn't scare him turning up unannounced.

She knew that her Dad had started to live at the hospital ever since Clay had woken up, whether that be in the room with him or in the waiting room. She was worried about Clay of course after what she had seen of him the first time she walked into his hospital room. Her Dad's rookie was so pale and cold to touch that if the monitors weren't there then she would think that they had already lost him.

However, also escaping college meant that she wouldn't be asked repeatedly what was going on with her by her friends. Ever since she had gotten the call from her Dad, he focuses had changed. She was more worried about her Dad and Clay to worry about silly kid stuff. She had planned trips out with her friends and had planned on going to a few parties but in the end, she wasn't in the mood for it. To be honest she knew that she wasn't the best person to be around lately. So instead of enjoying herself with her friends, all she wanted to do was to curl up in her bed and sleep for a month. When her dad had sold her Mom's home, she had been sad to see it go as that was her home. But now she understood why it needed to happen. Her home was where her family was and that family was wherever her dad was. She had been thankful that she had been able to paint it whatever colour she wanted and her large bed was now calling her name.

As she drove back home, she knew that something had changed and not just with her. But also with Bravo. She had never been close to her Dad's team before, not like this. But things were different now. Clay was family. Hearing her Dad's words when he told her that Clay had been hurt, caused her heart to stop. She was scared for him and her Dad but there was another emotion that she felt. Anger. Anger at whoever had made Clay go on a mission that he wasn't cleared for. She knew that because she remembered hearing her Dad complain to both Uncle Ray and Uncle Trent about Clay not being ready to return to full duty. The main problem she knew about was that Lucas, the PT that they all went too, had mentioned that Clay was ready to return to the team however not at an operator level. But he was close. However, the problem that they faced was that the higher-ups wouldn't sign off on his request.

Which was now the main confusion for her, the commanders wouldn't sign Clay off to operator with Bravo and yet they had allowed him to go solo. And it was that that caused the main problems between command and Bravo. And she had a feeling that it would be for a while. But they couldn't worry about that now, now they needed to focus on helping Clay get better and more so for her, to help her dad deal with the weight of what he carried every day.

Thankfully, her teachers had been more than understanding about what was going on and made sure that she had everything she needed in case she needed to leave without notice. When she first had done to college she had made sure that all her teachers knew that her father was in the Navy, not all the details but enough to know that what her Dad did was dangerous. Mainly because now with her Mom gone, she would be the one to get that call if anything happened. The call that she knew her Mom had dreaded every single time he left for a mission or deployment.

She had seen her Mom sit at the dining table alone when she thought that both her and Mikey were upstairs in bed. She knew what she had been waiting for, waiting and praying for that knock or phone call to never come. She remembered seeing her mom jump if someone knocked that she wasn't expecting and had even told people that she knew not to bother knocking and just to come in. All to avoid hearing that knock. The knock that meant her father wasn't coming home. And a phone call meant something had happened and there was a real risk of him not coming home.

Her mom did her best to hid her fear from them but she wasn't stupid. She wasn't a child anymore. Really, her childhood ended when she was eight. Hannah, Naima and Victoria had come over for lunch when her mom had gotten the call. That call changed the way she saw her Dad forever, he wasn't the superman that she had seen him as. The call had come from her Dad's Commanding Officer telling them that he had been hurt. She had to watch as her Mom had broken down in front of them. She remembered Naima's words, telling her mom that everything was going to be ok. And thankfully it was, her dad might have been injured but within six weeks he was back training with the rest of Bravo.

Thinking back, she remembered going to see Hannah with her dad when Mr Seaver had been killed. The pain that she felt when she lost her Mom was so raw to her that she understood what Hannah and her mom were going through. However, there was something else going through her mind as she sat next to Hannah and looking at her Dad. The feeling of guilt. And that was still with her to this day. Mainly because it had been her wished that her Dad would leave them. That was all she wanted, for her Dad to stay with them. But that wish had cost her best friend her Dad. Mr Seaver had taken her Dad's place with Bravo so he could stay with them after just losing their Mom. And that change had cost him his life. Losing Mr Seaver had affected them all but she knew that her Dad was blaming himself the most, and then for Clay to also be hurt on the same mission was pushing him to the edge again.

Her view of Bravo changed after that, it didn't matter how much training they had or how much experience they had they still could get hurt or worse. They were Navy Seals, the most well-trained soldiers in the whole of the US forces which meant they were sent to the most dangerous places. Their job was to risk their lives for their country and for the people that they were sent to help. But she knew that it didn't matter how well trained they were not everything went to plan. They weren't bulletproof or bombproof. They were only human and humans could bleed.

She knew that what they did meant that they made a difference in the world. It was what made her proud to be her father's daughter. Also when her father had joined the teams her family had only just got bigger. Her Dad had been in the Navy since forever and with that had caused her to adopt a number of crazy Uncles that drive her mad. Bravo was family, and so where the rest of DEVGRU. Come after one of them meant they dealt with them all. But she wouldn't have it any other way. When she needed someone to talk to or be there for her, they were only a phone call away.

Often if she had any car trouble or issues like that she would call one of them, if she didn't want her father knowing she made sure it was either Clay or Sonny she called. Mainly because she knew those two could keep their mouth shut if she needed them too. Blackmail was very easy with those two. However as much as she saw most of the guys as Uncles, she only saw Clay as a big brother. He was the only one that was close to her age and someone she found so easy to talk too. Clay didn't talk much but he sure was a good listener and someone she knew would keep her secrets. Mainly from her Dad.

Clay wasn't her Dad's favourite at first and he made that very clear. Even after their first mission, she had heard nothing but bad things about Bravo's new rookie. She had heard her Dad tell her Mom and Uncle Ray that this 'Kid' wasn't DEVGRU material and had no place on Bravo. To be truthful, and honest, from what she heard about Clay only proved her dad right. This 'Kid' as he called him was too cocky, self-centred and a real problem with for the rest of the team. And all of those things made her wish that he was disappear as she didn't want a loose cannon anywhere near her dad and her Uncles. However, she knew that her Dad's main problem with Clay was his last name. Spenser. And who it meant he was related too.

Clay's dad had caused a lot of pain and anger within the Seal community. The name set off all kind of alarm bells in everyone's heads. Ash Spenser had sold out the Seals for money, sold out men that he had fought with and worked with all his life. But that didn't matter to him anymore. He had sold them out and didn't care about the fallout. And the fallout had been that he was no longer welcome. And sadly, for Clay that meant a lot of people took a disliking too, including her Dad. To be honest she had read one of Ash Spenser's book. However not that her Dad knew about it as she hadn't brought the book home, instead she had read it in the local library.

However, when she had finally meet Clay, he was not the person she thought he would be at all. Clay was quiet and often kept his distance from the rest of the team. Like he didn't know how to act around them. Emma straight away knew that Clay had some severe trust issues which were so clear for her and hopefully for the rest of the team. But had a feeling that they hadn't. Clay's problem was that he hid his fears by hiding his emotion from everyone. He didn't like to show weakness, which she thought was a thing all Seals had but with Clay, it was worse. Whatever had happened to him in the past had made it hard for him to trust others. Personally, she had a feeling that it had everything to do with Clay's Dad but she couldn't prove it. Nor would Clay admit it.

Clay had changed as time went on, but he wasn't the only one. Bravo had changed as well and for the better. She could see that they had come a long way since their first mission as a team of six. Bravo was always a family until, but Clay had made that even more so. They were more glued together over time and had become like brothers. With her Dad and Uncle Ray as the adults when needed. However, like brothers, they fought. All the time but they always made up, always.

But as they were brothers, they often drove her crazy. One time she could remember that had caused her not to want to speak to any of them was when they had found out that she was going on a date with a new boy. Then they weren't her family, they were her security. Which was sometimes really nice that they wanted to protect her but annoying when they scared off every boy in her school. She knew that her Dad often got his friend's in intelligence to run background checks on every single one of her boyfriends which creeped her out.

One time a boy, who she really liked called Darren had taken her out on a date to the cinema. Her Dad had spent a whole ten minutes questing the poor boy with help from Cerberus and Brock. The dog seemed to not like Darren at all and kept baring his teeth at him, Emma, however, had a strange feeling that Brock had told him to do it. She was so glad that she finally left and quickly apologized to him about what had just happened. Darren seemed cool with the whole thing but she was still worried.

In the cinema, they had sat in the middle of the theatre after buying their popcorn and drinks and to be truthful it wasn't such a bad date. And the movie wasn't that bad, but she had a feeling that Darren had thought she would be more scared at it but she had seen worse. And heard worse. However halfway through the movie, she turned and spotted Sonny and Lisa sat eight rows behind them. Lisa's eyes were on the movie however Sonny's weren't. He was so watching them. She had glared at them but didn't let on to Darren that they were there or that she knew them. Afterwards, when she was back home, Emma sent a very angry text to him telling him that she was going to kill him next time she saw him.

The only two people that hadn't followed them was Clay and Trent. Which she was thankful for however, she had a feeling that they knew what was going on. And if they could then they would have joined them. However, they couldn't, they had only returned from their latest mission two days previously and Clay hadn't come back the same. Something had happened that had caused him to get a pretty bad concussion and three broken ribs. And was the reason why Trent was with him. She guessed that the concussion was bad enough that Trent was worried.

Thankfully she wasn't really into Darren to go on another date and found that her Dad had been right about the kid so that was that. However, she had learnt a pretty important lesson that day and that was not to tell her Dad where she was going and tell her dates that she would meet them there and not to come to the house.

But she couldn't hold the grudge against them for long, ever since she was little she knew that it was better not to leave things unsaid. Mainly because they had no idea what the future held. Her Mom had tried her best to make sure that any argument was settled before her father left on a mission or deployment. It was one of their rules and she had seen it come to a head just after they had lost Echo team. When her Mum had chosen that enough was enough.

Losing her was one of the hardest things she had gone through. But what was worse, was the fact that she had planned and prepared herself for losing her father that she hadn't even thought about thinking about losing her mother. Now she was the adult of the house when he was away and it was her job to make sure Mikey had everything he needed. Thinking about the next mission that her father would be going on scared her. The thought of losing her father scared her. No, that wasn't right, it downright terrified her. She had already lost her mother and the thought that her and Mikey would be left in the world alone plagued her nightmares.

But she couldn't think too much about that, and her nightmares seem to got better until they lost someone else. Even when her Mom was alive, she had nightmares about losing her Dad.

As much as she wished her Dad had a safer job, she was proud of what her Dad did and the family that they had. Her family was three times as big as anyone else she knew. But lately, it seemed that they were losing more and more members of their family recently. Nick, Nate, the whole of Echo Team, Mr Seaver, Swanny, the list could go on and on. Some of the names she could put faces too however it was hard with some of them. But she knew that her dad could, he remembered them all.

And he kept a list. A list of the fallen.

She had found it when she had been updating her dad's phone as he couldn't work out how to do it. A list of numbers, numbers that were now unuseable. The number of the dead.

That was the worse part of it, she knew why her father kept the list. All her life she had seen how much her father cared about the people he fought with, and however amazing that was, it meant that every time they lost someone he blamed himself. He always did.

After they had lost her Uncle Nate, she had heard her Mom and Dad talking in the kitchen one night when she was meant to be asleep. Her Dad was blaming himself for Uncle Nate's death. He just kept saying that he only had taken his eyes off Uncle Nate for a moment and the next thing he knew, he was lying next to him bleeding out. Emma never heard what happened and she knew that her mother wouldn't have either, all they knew was that he had bled out. Need to know, but whatever happened she saw that her dad had picked up a new habit after that mission. She would often catch him rubbing his hand over his leg like he was trying to rub something off them onto his trouser leg.

She wasn't stupid and could guess what had happened to cause her dad to pick up this odd habit and that being he had gotten something onto his hands that he wanted rid of. And she wasn't native to think what else it could be other than blood. The blood of someone she knew. And that habit hadn't stopped when he had gotten home, she had seen it happen whenever her Dad's emotion got too great for him to deal with. She had seen it the day after her Mom died when he had hidden in the garage with Uncle Ray.

However, what kept him going, Emma knew was the team. Bravo was her dad's lifeline. His saving grace.

She knew that he loved both her and Mikey however he protected them from the world that he had to enter every single day for his job. But she wasn't a child and hated being treated like one. She had seen the news about all the pain that was happening around the world and could only guess where her Dad was going next. Sometimes when she watched news reports on attacks in countries she often found herself holding her breath, praying that it wouldn't be Bravo being sent to sort things out. She knew that she was selfish when she did that but at the same time she couldn't lose another parent. Or any more Uncles.

Thinking about losing someone else, she thought back at the phone call she had gotten after Clay had been hurt. She could hear the pain and raw emotion in her dad's voice when he told her what had happened and what they had been told about Clay's injuries. Her dad loved Clay as if he was his son, it was clear to everyone that their relationship was special. Not that either of them would admit it. But they were. Emma knew however that her Dad was training Clay up to replace him when he finally hung up his boots. But that didn't mean the two of them didn't saw eye to eye all the time but at the same time, she knew that her Dad would do anything to make sure that Clay would be ready for anything.

Snapping out of her head she found herself parked up outside her Dad's place and found the lights on. That only meant one thing and that was that her Dad was home. Which worried her, shouldn't he be with Clay at the hospital. She quickly grabbed her bag and quickly walked inside. As soon as she closed the door she saw that her Dad was stood in the kitchen with a cup in his hand. And he wasn't alone. Next to him was Uncle Trent who was resting against the unit with a concerned look on his face.

It was clear that they hadn't heard her enter the room as they didn't stop what they were saying. Trent looked annoyed and his eyes were fixed on her Dad.

"What were you thinking Jay?" He asked, and strangely he was doing his best not to raise his voice too much.

"What I had to Trent? He was already out the door before I caught up with him." Her Dad said setting his cup down.

"Make him stay in the hospital where he needs to be. For god's sake Boss, he shouldn't be walking around on his own and he needs to be checked every hour. Something that he will only get in the hospital. We need to take him back." Trent said, she could tell that Trent was not just annoyed but he was seriously pissed at something her Dad had done.

"Trent we can't make him stay and I'm not ordering him because it is clear that he doesn't want to stay there. We will just have to make do with having him here." Her Dad finally said but then turned to see she stood in the doorway.

"Emma?" He said shocked, Trent quickly turned to stare at her as well.

"What the hell is happening here?" She asked, not caring with her language as she was too tired to care.

"Ask your Dad," Trent said as his phone started to ring, pulling it out he looked at the screen before turning to glare at her Dad before answering it. "Yes, Doctor Winn..." And with that, he moved away and out of the room leaving them alone.

"Dad..." She asked crossing her arms. "Explain."

She knew that she sounded like her Mom but she knew that she needed to use the tone if she was to get anything out of her Dad. And she wasn't taking no for an answer.

"I'm waiting." She said.


	21. Stupid Plan

Chapter Twenty-one

Naima sometimes hated being married to a Navy Seral but more specifically to a tier-one guy. She loved her husband, Ray was her life and the father of her children however he had the mindset of a Seal. Something that she battled every single day of her marriage. They all thought that they were indestructible. That they could achieve anything that they set their minds too, however only as long as they were together.

They saw each other as brothers and were as close as a family ever could be. That sometimes was the only thing that allowed her to sleep when they were deployed. Ray's brothers had his back, and she knew that the rest of the team would do anything for each other, even if that meant risking their lives for each other they would do it. When Ray had been with the other teams, they were close however they weren't a true family like Bravo was. For each other, she knew that they would tackle anything that was thrown at them and more so if one of them was at risk.

They didn't care if they that meant they went into harm's way they would do it. Sometimes then they talked about parts of the missions that they could or what she overheard, it sounded like they believed that they couldn't be hurt, not when one of their brothers were in danger. And that determination went up and down the ranks. They were all the same. They would throw themselves directly into danger and would find a way out of it.

But over time she had seen how everything had slowly taken its toll on them. Both physically and mentally, every single one of them. Not that they would ever admit it. Because they wouldn't. Not ever. But it was happening and differently for each of them. However they would never admit it, they didn't want to have to admit as admitting that they were hit hard by the things they saw. That they weren't indestructible.

They took their losses to heart, she knew that they all did. Some more than others but it was the loss of friends that destroyed the most within them. Losing a member of the family whether that be on the front line or at home, they all felt like they should have done more to stop it. Thinking about their losses was always hard. For all of them and lately they seem to be losing so many of their family that it felt like someone had it against them. And with every loss, she could see that those who survived were blaming themselves for it.

When they had lost Nate, Jason and Ray had taken the loss personally. Nate was their brother, someone they had come up with. It was the same for all of them. Those who they had come through the ranks together were often very close and losing them was always hard. When she had met Ray it wasn't long before she met Jason and Nate. The three of them were like brothers and often they would find themselves round either Jason's or Nate's house. Most weekends ended with them all in someone's backgrounds where they would sit and talk as the kids played, they were one big family. And losing part of their family was hard, not just for Ray and the rest of Bravo but also for her. She had lost a good friend and at the same time, she needed to be strong for Molly and Landon. She had to help one of her best friends plan their husband's funeral. Something that she never wanted to experience herself. Not for a long time.

Then she thought about how it wasn't just one family that was destroyed when they lost Echo Team. It affected everyone. Losing one of their family was hard but losing all six men had made everyone stop and think about what their future would hold if the next door they went though ended the same. She hated having to think about how she would cope without Ray but it was something that she had planned for. And she wasn't the only one. She knew that Alana had done the same, all the wives had; it was something that they had planned for but hoped that they never needed to use it. Every time they came home, it was God answering her prayers when Ray returned unharmed. Losing Steve had been hard on all of them, but at the same time, she could see the anger in all of them. But more so in Ray and Jason. However she knew that they were the right people for the job, every loss was personal but this time it was more. But she knew that it was likely that Bravo's deployment would likely be moved up.

But thankfully they weren't alone on this. She had heard from Trish that Alpha would be joining them after a couple of weeks which meant at least they weren't alone. That they would have another team backing them up. Bravo and Alpha would find out what had happened to their brothers. And they had done it. They had found out what truly had happened. They didn't stop, they kept working on it until they got the answers that they needed. And make those responsible for Steve's and the other's deaths. And they had. Bravo had brought them to justice which she guessed help them sleep at night a little earlier. Their brothers had been avenged, and it had helped her to speak to Cindy and help her plan Steve's funeral without thinking about would they ever find out what truly happened. However, that didn't take the pain away knowing that they had to say goodbye to not just one fallen Seal but to six. Six members of their family taken too soon.

Then losing Alana, that had crippled not just Bravo but for her too. Alana was her best friend, her rock when Ray was away. She never had thought that she would lose her best friend before him. They had all come to together to plan their husbands funeral in case they had ever gotten that knock on the door meaning that they had never thought that it could happen to one of them. She wasn't ready to say goodbye yet to her, however, she had now two other children to raise. It was one of the promises she had made to Alana, that if anything had happened to her or to Jason that she would make sure that Mikey and Emma grew up in a loving home and a stable environment. That was her goal now, that and supporting Jason who so desperately needed it. Bravo had come together as a family and remained strong through it. But now there was a huge gap in their lives, one that would not be easily filled if ever.

Thankfully for all of them and more so for Jason, Emma and Mikey were truly Alana's children. They had the same drive as her and understood how and what their father did. He was their hero after all and knew that he needed to go back to Bravo. For both Bravo's sake but also for their father's wellbeing. He was a Seal, and he needed to be out there making a difference. Something that he couldn't do at home. They knew that she would be there for them if they ever her when Jason was deployed. Sadly the world still turned and exploded into chaos. And sadly they had gotten the call during Alana's funeral. She had wanted to slap Jason for leaving his children at their mother's grave but thankfully he had finally come through to them in the end and had stayed. He had stayed with the family that needed him the most and that meant that he had to hand the reins over to someone else. Something that she knew he struggled with. However, she was glad that Ray was there with them. But it had come at a cost.

Losing Adam so close after losing Alana had nearly destroyed Bravo. She hadn't been told much, however, she had seen it in Ray's face when he had come home. Losing Adam to Ray was like losing his older brother. Adam had brought Ray onto Bravo, had mentored him into the man he was today. Losing him had broken him in a way that she had not seen before. Adam meant something to all of them. Having to bury another family member had nearly destroyed Bravo, that was clear however at the same time there were two people who took too much time blaming themselves for what happened.

Jason hated himself. Hated himself for asking Adam to take his place as Bravo One. Even if no one else blamed him for it. Victoria didn't. Jason needed to be home with his children, they needed him more than Bravo did. However, she knew that he couldn't get rid of the guilt that Adam had died in his place, he should have been the one to die there in that alley. Not Adam. But over time Jason had started to expect the fact that if he had gone then it would likely be her and Jay raising Mikey and Emma. Those kids couldn't survive losing both parents in such a short period of time if ever.

The other person who was blaming himself was Clay. She didn't know what had happened but after Bravo had returned, Ray had chosen to stick very close to the kid as soon as they had placed Adam's coffin in the car. Whatever had happened had affected both Ray and Clay so much that the two of them needed to be close for some reason. It was only later did she hear Ray tell Jason what had happened in the alley. Adam had saved Bravo. He had sacrificed himself so they could come home. That her husband could come home. She also knew that whatever mission they had been sent on, Adam hadn't been their only casualty. Clay had been hurt as well, not that he would admit it but he was hurting. Both physically and mentally. She had heard that he had been hurt from Trent, who had quickly taken Clay off to see the medic as soon as they were dismissed from their briefing. And as a nurse, she could tell that whatever had happened had caused an injury to his chest. She also had a few calls from Stella right after asking her how long bruising lasted if it was a deep one. It wasn't long before she could piece together what could have happened to Clay and she was then so thankful for the US Navy standard body armour. However, like Jason, Clay had finally come to see that Adam's death wasn't in vain. It took time but they were slowly healing.

However, when they lost Swanny by his own hand, it had changed everything. Clay had been alone. With the team still deployed, she knew that he felt like he was all alone and in a way he was. She had spoken to Clay's doctors so she could update Ray and the others as at first Clay wasn't speaking to them which had worried her. Clay had shown all the signs of cutting himself off from everyone. Something that worried her and knew terrified Ray and the others. She had gotten a call from Clay asking her to pick him up from the V.A. which at first was a little odd until she got there. The whole area had been cornered off and as she scanned the car park she quickly spotted Swanny's truck. As she got out of her car to see Clay covered in blood and been checked over by paramedics.

The sight of blood first had terrified her, but it wasn't until she saw the white sheet on the ground right next to Swanny's truck did she piece it together. However, it wasn't until she had spoken to a police officer did she get the story as Clay would barely speak. Swanny had killed himself. It was a bitter pill to swallow. However what worse was that Clay didn't have his brothers there for him. Instead of taking Clay home, she had driven him to her house and set out the couch for him to sleep on. She had the leftover stuff from when Jason had camped out there. Clay hadn't said anything to her as they got there nor did he after a quick shower. Thankfully she had some of Jason's old shirts still around so he could wear something more comfortable. She had a feeling that Clay wouldn't be Jay's size so it helped. It wasn't until he had sat there on the couch did he break. She held him as he cried into her chest. Clay was too young to have suffered so much loss, it was one of the times that she agreed with Ray about him. Clay was so young compared to the others on the team but he still was a harden seal just like the others. But holding the young man as he cried broke her. Clay didn't deserve this and neither did Swanny.

Clay had thankfully pulled himself together soon after and had finally contacted the rest of Bravo. However, as much as Clay acted like Swanny's death didn't affect him as much as it truly had, she knew that he was hurting. Swanny had been Clay's anchor with the rest of Bravo overseas, every time she had checked in on Clay she could see how much Swanny had helped him. At first, Clay had given up on fighting. With all his doctors telling him that he may never operate again, he had found no light at the end of the tunnel and it worried her. Naima remembered how stressed and annoyed Ray was when he was sidelined. But for Clay, it must have been far worse thinking that he would never be part of Bravo again.

Normally Sonny was the one to get Clay out of his head, but at first, it was Swanny who kept him grounded but after Swanny's death Clay had found a new mission to fight for and that was for Swanny. Naima had heard from Harrington about what Clay was up too and even though he didn't achieve what he set out to do he had done one better. He had brought to light some of the failures that they faced on a daily rate. Also, she had a feeling that maybe, just maybe that it was one brick in the road between Clay and his father. She knew that their relationship wasn't the best or sometimes even there. It was why he looked up to both Jason and Adam so much but she hoped that maybe with what Ash was doing for Clay and other veterans it might help start to build that relationship that they both lacked. However she had a feeling that Bravo was not about to let Ash have free rein over Clay, they would be watching from a distance.

Bravo was a family and they stook together against all odds, she knew that they were lucky sometimes not to be told off by command with some of the stunts that they pulled, however, most of the time she would agree with Bravo. Sometimes they had to try the unthinkable in order for them all to come home. However this time they had crossed a line.

How stupid could they be? What was going through their heads when they had agreed to this? How could they think this would be ok?

Thinking about who was on Bravo she knew that Jason and Sonny were the two that she guessed would agree to do this and Brock would likely help them. Ray and Trent on the other hand, she thought they would have more sense. Trent was the medic on the team and yet he had agreed to this stupid plan and Ray was just going along with it which made no sense, she was going to have words with him when they got home. The men of Bravo had lost their minds.

Clay needed to be in a hospital, where they could keep a very close eye on him. To make sure that his lungs were healing correctly and to make sure that his internal bleeding had stopped and was not likely to restart. All of which meant he needed to return to the hospital however clearly that was not the plan anymore. Oh no. Bravo had a new plan which meant that their injured Clay would be staying at Jason's house. Their plan was stupid however it was what Clay wanted and Bravo was very happy to help him stay out of it. Like the doctors and nurses where holding Clay hostage from them and so they had helped him escape.

The only rules that Clay had to follow which if he broke would cause them to take him back to the hospital were that he had to be with one of them at all times. He wasn't allowed to disappear on them at all and if he needed to go to the bathroom he had to tell them and one of them would stand outside the door just in case he needed them. And the main one for Trent was that Clay had to take his medication when he was told too. Other than that he could go where he wanted in the house and if he wanted too he could go in the garden if he needed to get some fresh air. But also he had to rest. They weren't too strict on when he needed to do that but if he felt too tired then he had too.

At the moment and after she had checked him over, she had left him passed out on the couch with Brock and Cerberus watching him. She sighed and quickly headed into the kitchen where the rest of Bravo was. Emma had called her right after she had exploded on Jason and Trent. She had then called Doctor Winn and explained everything. She was so annoyed at them all however there was no point shouting at them as they wouldn't listen.

"How is he?" Jason asked sipping his coffee as she entered.

Naima sighed and knew there was no point arguing with him now. "Temps fine, wounds are all healing nicely but he needs to be in the hospital, Jason. Not passed out on your couch."

"I'm not forcing him back there Naima, not when he clearly doesn't want to be there," Jason said putting his cup down and crossing his arms.

"Jason he nearly died. He technically did die, his heart stopped. He is only here because of the amazing work by his doctors. He has a serious head injury, respiratory problems which still hasn't completely cleared and nearly died from blood loss. Things that mean he should be still in the hospital under his doctor's care." Naima said, she knew that she wouldn't win here but she was voicing her opinion here and now.

"Naima..." Ray started to stay but stopped by the look she gave him.

"He wouldn't stay in the hospital even if we take him back. Him trying to escape again could mean that he could hurt himself. We at least can keep an eye on him here and he is unlikely to get past us here. As long as he allows us to check his wounds and keep up with his meds I don't see a problem with him staying here." Trent added. He was the medic after all and knew how to look after them when they were hurt. Also, he had already drilled into Clay since he started to allow him to treat his wounds without fighting.

"But..." Naima started but then stopped when a knock came onto Jason's door.

Ray took the opportunity to escape the kitchen to answer the door, she knew that he would likely offer to stay at Jason's to avoid her at home. But he wasn't going to get out of it. They were going to have words whether that be here or at home. A couple of minutes later Ray returned and he wasn't alone. Eric was with him.

"I got a call from the hospital saying that Clay had left without being discharged. Someone care to explain." He said crossing his arms. Sometime Bravo drove him mad and this time he felt like slamming his head against the wooden counter as he knew that they were unlikely to do what he told them.

"I went back to see Clay after going to the shop across the street to get a drink and saw Clay leaving. Somehow he managed to change by himself with his kit we dropped off for him. I couldn't get him to go back so I brought him here and called Trent. He fell asleep as soon as I got him here so I set him up in my room. Trent updated Doctor Winn but I'm not ordering him back if he doesn't want to be there. We can keep an eye on him, we know him and can read him better than any doctor." Jason explained knowing that Blackburn would have to explain to command why he had agreed to allow a seriously injured Seal out of the hospital against doctor's advice.

He sighed and rubbed his fingers through his beard, he hated his best team sometimes and right now he wanted to discipline them all however he knew that they did the right thing for Clay. He knew that Clay would feel safer knowing where was every time he woke up and with them there it would help him slowly recover from whatever had happened to him. He was also yet to be debriefed as they were waiting for the doctors to tell them when he was ready for it. They needed to know what had happened from the very beginning of the mission as they had no idea when Clay had started to suspect Jones of selling them out. However, what they really wanted to know was what Zurkoff had said to him.

"How is he?" He asked looking directly at Jason, he didn't want to know about his health physically but his mental health. They all knew that Zurkoff had tortured him and then left to drown which would change anyone. They would have to keep an eye on him as time went on but at the same time they had no idea how much of what happened did Clay remember. They knew that he remembered them but about what happened, they had no idea.

Jason sighed and rubbed his hand over his leg. "Woke up screaming at around five this morning, by the time I got him to control his breathing he passed out again. When he woke up this morning, he acted like he couldn't remember it or didn't want to speak about it. I didn't really want to push him." Jason reported.

Naima, in that moment, saw in Jason what she saw in Ray every time he had hold of one of their children. He was a protective father with his children but also with Clay. Jason and Clay may not be related and didn't know each other very long but Jason had a very protective mode whenever Clay was hurt or in trouble. It didn't matter who Clay was related too any more, he was now family. And they protected the family.

Eric nodded at the report, they all expected nightmares and knew that they wouldn't disappear overnight however they were there for him. If he needed them.

"So we all good?" Sonny asked with a small grin as he opened a bottle of beer to which he had been hiding from Naima when she entered the room. Naima shook her head. 'These men will be the death of her.' She thought before turning to collect her things and head to the hospital for her shift.

"I think we're in trouble," Sonny whispered to Trent who turned and shook his head at his brother. However he had to agree with him, they were in trouble with both the hospital and Naima. But hopefully not with Command if Eric could help it. However, they were ready for anything. They would protect Clay with everything they had and if that meant fighting Command then they would do it. Together. No one was separating them again. Not after this.


	22. Nightmares

Chapter Twenty-Two

For the guys, the rest of the day had dragged. Eric had left soon after they had finished talking as he had to report back to base and somehow explain to his commanding officer why his team had taken a critically injured seal out of the hospital too early. However, he would make sure that no one sent the order for them to return Clay back to the hospital. He trusted his men. And with Trent there, he knew that Clay would be looked after. If something changed and Clay became ill, then he knew that Trent would personally take Clay back to the hospital without an argument.

Trent was worried about Clay, Eric to tell however at the same time he understood what made Clay tick. He could read Clay better than anyone when it came to his pain levels. And they all knew that Clay knew better than to lie to Trent. He had learnt that after hiding an injury during an op and Trent had hit the roof. After that, one of their quietest members of Bravo became one of the scariest.

When Eric left, the guys moved to do something to pass the times. Trent had gone to catch up on some sleep in Jason's room. He was set to cover Clay this evening but needed sleep. He trusted his brothers to do Clay's checks and knew that if they were worried then they would come and get him.

As the sun started to set Jason stood in the kitchen looking out at the city, Clay had woken up around nine times since they had moved him to the couch. However, each time they really didn't get to speak to him very much as Clay had found it hard to stay awake. Trent wasn't worried as they all knew that Clay had found it hard to sleep soundly in hospital and now his body was caught up on sleep that he missed.

On average Clay could only stay awake for around five minutes or less. However, it was enough time for them to do their concussion test, check his pain levels, get him to drink something and go to the bathroom if he needed it. Other than that, Clay would just look at them before falling asleep. Ray had made a comment that made Jason think about who they were to Clay.

Ray had said it was possible that seeing them around him made him feel safe. And in feeling safe, his body allowed itself to shut down and heal properly. Trent had given him a good once over when he had woken up that morning and then had consulted with Clay's doctors to make sure that everything was going to plan. Even though Clay's injuries were still healing and there was still a risk that something could go wrong. However, thankfully nothing had yet. Trent was happy with how Clay was improving but he still had a long way to go. Sleep was one of the things that Trent and Clay's doctors had agreed with. Clay needed to rest and with him feeling safe around them then they would leave him be.

Jason knew that they had so much to be thankful for. Clay technically shouldn't be alive, they should be planning his funeral not laid asleep on his couch. He thanked whatever gods were watching over his guy because he couldn't lose anyone else. And not Clay. The kid reminded him of himself so much that it sometimes scared him that Clay would follow his exact steps and suffer the same losses he had. But Clay wasn't him, he was his own man. And Jason knew that all he could do was mould Clay into a better man than him.

God, the kid had already shown everyone in DEVGRU that he was a better man than Ash. The man that only shared his DNA with the kid, Jason had no idea where Clay had learned the loyalty that he had for his teams. At first, he thought Mason but as the Admiral had told him, he had not been there for Clay when he was growing up. Whoever had taught Clay those skills, he was forever thankful. The kid was going to make a fine 1IC one day. He had already proved to everyone that he had the skills it was just a waiting game. But personally, Jason wanted to hand Bravo over to Clay when he was done. He trusted very few and Clay was one of them.

At first, he had thought about Ray becoming 1IC however knew that his best friend didn't want that. He was happy as being number two and Ray had been the one to point out to him that the kid was going to be one of the best 1IC if they trained him right. To be truthful, Ray and Jason knew that Clay was going to be better than both of them. The kid might be better than both of them combined, he was strong, loyal and stubborn to the core. The kid was ready, but he couldn't let him go. Not yet.

As night fell, Brock and Sonny had passed out in Jason's room. They had been trying to stay awake however when Brock nearly fell out of the chair, Jason and sent them both to get some rest. He had wanted them to go home, however, they were too tired and too stressed to leave the house. They didn't want to leave Clay again. They had to keep him in their eye line or their stress levels hit the roof again. And thinking about them driving then they were that tired was too dangerous.

Ray had bitten the bullet and had gone home. He knew that he was going to get an ear full from Naima but at the same time he knew that she knew that Clay was better off with them than the hospital room. The mother in her had seen that, however, the nurse in her had told her that it was a bad idea. Ray knew that she would forgive them however it was going to take a while and he had a strange feeling that he might be sleeping on the couch for the next few nights. But if Clay could heal better with them then he could cope with a few nights on the couch.

Trent and Cerberus were sat near Clay, so Jason didn't need to be worried that he needed a bit of time away from their kid. In the kitchen at least he was still close but at the same time, he had enough space to breathe. A lot had happened and now he needed to take a breath. Clay had proved to them that he could overcome anything that came his way and recovering from his injuries like was showed that he was stronger than any of them. However, Jason couldn't get the thought out of his head seeing Clay so lifeless on the floor of that boat. The kid was too young, with so much life left to live. He was just thankful that he still had a future to work on. And hopefully, that was to stay with Bravo for as long as possible.

Pouring himself a new cup of coffee and collecting two fresh bottles of water he moved back into the living room. Trent was sat in the armed chair with his feet up in the coffee table reading a book. It was one of Clay's books and thankfully one in English. Sonny and Brock had broken into Clay's locker as soon as they had returned and had picked up one of his go-bags. Throwing a couple of books from his shelf also into the bag. Out of the five books that they had gotten, only one of them was in English. As Trent was halfway through the book, Jason guessed that it was a good book. Trent often didn't like books that he just picked up, he had a style of writing that he liked but whatever he was reading clearly he was enjoying.

"Good book?" Jason asked passing Trent one of the bottles of water before placing the other on the table in front of Clay. He spoke quietly hoping not to wake Clay who looked so peaceful and more scary younger.

Trent looked up and nodded thanks before speaking quietly. "It's not bad. Based on The Troubles in Ireland back in 1968. The kid has good taste." He said nodding towards Clay but then his attention turned to Jason. Like everyone else, they were worried about what was going through Jason's head. They knew that Jason was blaming himself for not being there for Clay when he needed him and not finding him in time to stop Zurkoff causing so much damage to their brother.

"How are you doing Jay?" Trent asked placing a scrap of paper onto the page he was at before closing the book and moving all of his attention onto the man in front of him.

Jason looked at Trent before his eyes automatically turning to watch Clay's sleeping form. "I don't really know..." Jason whispered. He wasn't a man to really talk to anyone about what was going on inside his head. "This shouldn't have happened..." Jason whispered not taking his eyes off Clay who had started to twitch in his sleep.

"This wasn't your fault," Trent answered quietly, he too was watching Clay. Normally, just before Clay woke up he would start to move in his sleep and so they were both on high alert in case Clay was woken by another nightmare.

It wasn't every time that Clay's nightmares woke him up. But they were starting to become a common thing. Sometimes, the only way that they would know that he had suffered one was by the haunted look that was written so clearly in his eyes for the first minute after waking up. After that, Clay's mask quickly slipped back on. However, then there was some that really worried them all. Nightmares that made him wake up screaming. They hated seeing their brother like that, he never told them about what they were about. Jason knew that either Clay didn't want to talk about it or Clay couldn't remember having them. However, none of them wanted to ask about them as they truly didn't want to know. Thinking about what Clay had gone through made the pain all too real. Like they had failed him.

Because they had.

Every time he saw Clay shoot up from his sleep, his heart stopped and his father's instinct came through in ten folds. All he wanted to do was to pull Clay into his chest and hold him like a father would do his child. He knew that he shouldn't have those feelings towards one of his own men but he did. Clay had become like a son to him. A big brother to his kids. A brother on the team and someone who they all trusted. And yet they had failed him.

"He's due his next dose of painkiller, I'll go and draw it up," Trent said before getting to his feet and moving out of the room and headed upstairs to get his kit. He had taken it up there to restock it some stuff Naima had brought with her. He had taken the time to empty his whole bag and make a list of everything he needed and had past that onto Naima. She had thankfully gotten nearly everything he needed however there were a few things that he was still waiting for from base. But he had been told that they would be dropped off in the morning.

Jason was then left alone watching Clay move in his sleep. Whatever was going on inside Clay's head, the kid's body was reacting to it. It was trying to fight whatever he was dealing with inside his head. Jason could only guess what he was seeing or reliving. But he had a feeling that Clay was reliving something that had happened in Turkey. They were trained for a lot of things, to withstand torture, to kill and to fight. And then they are trained to put all of their feelings and lock it away inside their heads. But it didn't always stay there. At times those memories made their way to the surface and when they did, they were stuck there for days until they could lock them away again. Jason knew that they all suffered from it and now Clay was too. He knew that he would need to be there for Clay, to be his soundboard when he needed one. Often they chose not to talk to anyone about what was going on, but then again he was one to talk. However, Clay needed to get whatever was on his chest out. Before he exploded or went into self-destruct mode.

Then something changed.

He felt something change in the air that told him to move closer to the sleeping man. Clay's twitches started to get worse. Jason knew what was going on, he had seen it before. With Nate. Before Nate was married to Molly, Jason and Nate often stayed at Nate's place after a mission. It was then that Jason had seen his brother be woken by things they had seen over there. Memories that haunted him. Things seem to be repeating themselves to him. Jason couldn't lose Clay like he lost Nate. And yet he had come so close to losing him. All because he had taken his eyes off him. He had let him down, just like Nate.

All of a sudden, Clay's eyes snapped over and immediately flinched away from Jason had moved in front of him. With his right arm strapped to his body, Clay couldn't really push himself completely up but with Jason so close he pushed himself into the back of the couch like he was trying to get away from him.

"Easy Clay. Easy. Just me." Jason said holding out his hands to show that he was no threat to him, however, what he wanted to do was to grab hold of him and hold him until he calmed down but he knew better. Until Clay worked out what was happening, he was a danger. Clay still was a Seal and even an injured Seal could be dangerous. It took a moment, but then Clay seemed to work out where he was. His body however still was in fight and flight mode. He wasn't completely calm but he knew that Jason wouldn't hurt him. Sinking back into the couch, Clay just watched him. Waiting for him to say something to him but no words came. So he spoke.

"What time is it?" Clay asked, his throat was sore and dry.

Jason looked at Clay for a moment and understand that the poor kid properly didn't know what the day was or what time it was. The kid looked shattered and in pain. He knew that Trent would be down soon with Clay's next dose however he had a feeling that maybe Clay wouldn't want it. Not yet. He knew that one of the reasons for Clay sleeping so much was the fact that the painkillers were strong ones and would knock any normal person out for a couple of hours. But for Clay, it was knocking him out for more than normal.

"Around eight. You've been asleep for over three hours. Give or take." Jason explained, sitting down the table so he didn't overcrowd Clay too much to see if that helped him relax. He understood why Clay was so nervous around them. He had a feeling that Clay was going to feel like that for a while. Being betrayed by someone on his team and then tortured was something that Clay was not going to get over that quickly. They would need to rebuild his trust in them all over again.

Clay didn't say anything to Jason's words, instead, he just laid back down into the couch looking up at the ceiling. He couldn't make eye contact with Jason, not now. He just couldn't.

Jason hated the silence, yes Clay was one of the quieter members of the team but he would always make a comment or a joke if the air felt a certain way. The kid he knew was gone, that was how he felt. The kid in front of him was just a shell. He remembered walking into Clay's hospital room with Mason and telling him to leave the IV lines alone. It had taken them twenty minutes to get the kid to even look at them. Clay's lack of trust in them was what made the whole thing worse. He wouldn't let anyone near him if he could help it. Would keep them at arm's length.

"Want to talk about it?" Jason asked, hoping that Clay would get what he was going on about it. He didn't want to push Clay into telling him everything, not when he was clearly not ready for it. Things like that took time. It didn't matter how long it took because they weren't going to let him down again. They would wait, be patient. And be there for Clay when he was good and ready.

Clay took in a deep breath which Jason knew would cause Clay some pain with how his ribs were broken. He wanted to talk about it, but he couldn't. Not yet. But he knew that Jason wasn't to blame for his injuries nor was he responsible for his injuries.

"Zurkoff's men liked using the bat. At least they were nice enough to avoid my gunshot wound." Clay muttered the last. He didn't want to seem weak in front of his boss, but he couldn't help the words falling out of his mouth.

Jason just watched him, he couldn't say anything. He had seen the hospital photos of all of Clay's wounds. He knew that they had used something to cause the bruises. But he had none of the details. They wouldn't until Clay was ready to talk. However, with the two short sentences, Clay was able to tell him enough to know that it wasn't just Zurkoff who had tortured Clay. It was also his men which made the whole situation worse. Clay was just attacked again and again. He couldn't imagine what was running through Clay's head when Zurkoff and his men just kept attacking him, trying to get whatever they could out of him. Like there was no more hope that he would survive his captivity.

"We can talk later," Jason whispered as Trent reentered the room with Clay's meds.

It only took a few minutes before Clay was back asleep. Jason didn't tell Trent anything that was said as he didn't know how too. But at the same time, it wasn't his place. There would be time for them to be told later but only if Clay wanted to tell them.

It was his story to tell, not his.


	23. Starting to Heal

Chapter twenty-three

Over the next few days, they started to see a real improvement in Clay's overall health. It was slow but it was happening. Little things that brought them hope that they were getting their brother back. That they hadn't failed him like they had all thought. Their brother was still in there. They had been so worried that the brother that they knew was gone that they had underestimated him. Just like before.

When Clay had first joined the team, they had all thought that the kid wouldn't last a week with them. The hatred from both Jason and Sonny was so clear to everyone that the others in Bravo were worried that they would soon be looking for a new draft. But over time they had started to gel more closely as a team and Clay had been the gel that they were looking for.

Jason had taken to the kid like a father would look after his son. And Sonny had found a younger brother that he had always wanted and needed. Trent and Brock had also found a little brother in Clay however they all knew that it was Sonny who was the most protective out of them all with the kid. Having no family of his own meant that Clay became Sonny's focus. He was the only one that could fully control him when he was in one and only just.

Thinking about how close they had come to losing Clay had scared them all. Someone must be looking down on them because thankfully they had been given another chance to show Clay how much he truly was one of them. That he was loved and a part of their messed up family. No one would ever describe them as normal. That was just insane but it was true. The team was a family and someone had tried to take one of their brothers from them. Another reason why they had chose to camp at Jason's place. But in a way it allowed them all to see that their brother was still there. Right in front of them, a little worse for were but still real and alive.

They all knew that technically and according to Naima who wasn't letting it drop was that Clay should still be in the hospital. By normal hospital rules, Clay should still be in the ICU and definitely not out of the hospital in Jason's home. But Bravo was not forcing him back there. Not if they had anything to do with it. It was clear to all of them that the kid didn't do hospitals. In fact, the kid hated them. Ray had called Foggins to give him an update on Clay and also had asked him why Clay had such a hatred towards the place. Sadly for everyone, Foggins didn't have the answers for them. No one did.

Ray at one point felt like asking Ash personally and without the knowledge of the other members of Bravo, to see he knew why his son hated hospitals so much but thought better of it. Also, he had the feeling that the man who was Clay's dad only by DNA wouldn't even know either. And he also didn't think telling Ash Spenser that his son was hurt was a good idea.

Ash had only shown interest in his son when he wanted something in the past. Yes, Clay's and Ash's relationship had started to improve after Clay had gone to him for help about Swanny's medal after his death but Bravo wasn't ready to forgive him yet for putting Clay's career in danger and for writing those books. Ash's new book had put an unwelcomed spotlight on Clay by the higher-ups. Ray also knew that Clay hadn't forgiven his father yet either but it was a start. Every child should have a relationship with their father, even if they didn't deserve it. But it was a start.

The only person who could give them the answers to the questions that they had was Clay, but they weren't going to push him. Not if he wasn't ready. Whatever had happened to Clay in a hospital was in the past and was something that Clay protected with everything he had. He had to be the one to tell them when he thought it was time and they had to honour that.

Physically Clay was improving better than any of them could believe. So much so Trent had started to let him chose whether or not to take the stronger painkiller. He was still strict about the weaker drugs however he would only give Clay the stronger ones if he asked for them, which was becoming less and less as time went on. But they didn't know if that was due to him healing or his famous stubbornness.

Trent however, trusted Clay enough to know that the kid would come to him if he needed him. That he was sure of. But that didn't mean he was off all of the meds. With the risk of infections still been high due to his injuries, he was still on a strict course of antibiotics to stop any chance of infection taking hold. That meant no alcohol still for him, but as they were a family and to make it easier for Clay to follow those rules they had all chose to not drink and had removed all alcohol from the house. However, as time went on, that was becoming hard for some of them. Mainly Sonny and Jason.

With Clay being off the stronger painkillers meant that he was awake more and would often engage in their conversation about whatever they were watching on the tv. However what he wouldn't speak about and if asked would just leave the room was about what had happened in Turkey. Whatever had happened was clearly too fresh in Clay's mind to speak about just yet. Which was why they were all so thankful that the brass hadn't demanded to debrief Clay just yet. But soon, they wouldn't be able to hold off anymore and Clay would have to face his demons.

Along with cutting down on his meds, Clay had also started to eat better. At first, Clay would eat very little which worried them all. Mainly because Clay could eat so much before. They were lucky if they got a cup of broth into him a day and even then it was only a small cup. Trent and Naima had started to become concerned about how little Clay was eating. The kid had already lost a lot of muscle mass and weight since the last time they had seen him. Their only hope was that when they got Clay to start eating properly he would start to put the weight back on.

Thankfully, time was all he needed. After a few days of only drinking broth, they had started to move onto soups and stews. Trent and Jason had planned to send Brock out to stock up on the stuff however Naima and Amber had stopped him. They had plans of their own and that plan did not count on tinned food. It meant home cooking. And they were the chefs. They had started to make a number of trips to the small apartment with freshly cooked food and not just for Clay but for them all.

Amber had only been married to Trent for a couple of years but she understood why Trent didn't want to leave Clay alone. And he had made it clear to her that he wasn't. The only way he was leaving Clay was when he was able to do things for himself and he was off more of his meds. She was Trent's second wife and a Navy brat at that. Which meant she knew how close the teams were. But more importantly, she knew Trent.

Trent was Bravo's medic but more importantly, he cared about his brothers. He wouldn't leave a brother's side if they were hurt, it didn't matter if the doctors had signed them off, he would be happy until they were back to full health. He was the most caring man she knew and knew that he had a soft spot for Clay the most. The kid was a challenge and she knew that he loved that about him. However, like Naima she thought about him agreeing for Clay to remain out of the hospital was stupid. When she had first seen Clay when she had brought round a bag of fresh clothes for Trent, she was shocked about how badly broken Clay was. The cocky kid as Trent had described him before looked so young when he was asleep that she found her forgetting that he was, in fact, a deadly Navy Seal who was trained to kill. But he was one and so was Trent. That didn't stop her from loving him.

But what she loved about the whole team dynamic was that they would look out for each other. No matter what got in their way, they stuck together like a puzzle. It what helped her sleep at night when they were deployed as she knew that Bravo would look after her Trent.

On the other hand, what scared her the most was how they took each loss personally. She hadn't been married for long before they had lost Nate, but she had seen how it had changed Bravo. Trent might not have hung around Nate a lot but he was still his brother and failing to save him had hit him hard. But now and with Clay, that had all changed. The kid had changed Bravo and Trent. Trent laughed a little more and became more of the man she had seen when they were alone together. But she had seen that he would become like of himself after hanging around with Clay or the team. And she was forever grateful to him for it.

After the sixth day of recovering at Jason's, the team had started to loosen the reins on Clay around the house. Since the kid could make it to the bathroom and to the kitchen himself now they had come to the conclusion that they didn't need to be attached to the kid's hip anymore but that didn't mean he had full reign of the house. And one of them had to remain with him. Just in case.

Jason and Ray however much that they wanted to remain close to Clay had been ordered back to base to answer questions about the mission and rescue of Clay. Blackburn and Mason had thankfully put it in place that Clay couldn't be interviewed until he was off more of his painkillers. However, that didn't save them from having to face the questions from the cake eaters about what had happened in Turkey and more so because of the involvement of the British Royal Navy.

Mason had also been there, however, either he or Jason had said anything about what had happened at the hospital and the rescript of the radio communication had also been removed and classed as high security. Thankfully for them both and for Clay, the officers that they had to report too weren't cleared to be read in on them. Clay's and Mason's relationship was now a secret for Bravo to protect. But more so Jason's secret. As he was the only one that truly knew the relationship between the two.

Over the space of a week, the command had finished their report on the rescue op and the only one that they had to speak to close the case was Clay. But they were going to have to wait for that.

It wasn't the physical effect that they were all worried about but how the whole event had effected Clay mentally. Being betrayed by someone who he was meant to trust would change Clay forever. Bravo had no idea how to help Clay deal with what he had gone through because they had never been through it themselves. They hadn't experienced what it would be like to be betrayed and then tortured thinking that there was no one out there looking for him. And so all they could do was be there for their brother when he needed them, be there for the nightmares and flashbacks. But more importantly, be the family that he needed to hold him together.

The kid was healing but his nightmares plagued his sleep. It didn't matter how much the kid's body healed. His mind wouldn't let him sleep. It happened every night without fail. It broke them every time they had to sit there and witness Clay having one.

Sometimes Clay would just shoot up without making a sound as he came out of the nightmare causing himself so much pain as his body responded to the fast movement that it wasn't ready for. When that happened, Trent would often give Clay a small amount of sedation mixed with a strong painkiller. He hated doing it as Clay would often beg him not to give him it as it meant sending Clay back into the darkness but he had no chose. But the pain was too much for him to deal with and they would always see tears fall from his eyes as the pain built within his body.

Sonny couldn't cope when that happened and would storm out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. It would take ruffly an hour before he came back and often looking worse than what he did when he left. And normally with bruised or bloody knuckles. Jason had gotten a call from the base gym one night letting him know what Sonny was doing when he left his place. Jason was just happy that Sonny wasn't hitting the bars but instead the punch bags. However, Trent wasn't happy about it. Thankfully he hadn't broken his knuckles, just bruising.

But for Sonny, seeing his little brother in so much pain broke him so much that he needed to get his anger out quickly before he hurt someone. Sonny was a man of action and not been able to take Clay's pain away from him hurt him more than anything else. Mainly because he couldn't do anything to stop them from happening. None of them could.

Only Trent and Ray could stomach seeing Clay so badly in pain, and only just. When Clay was finally back asleep, Ray would leave to call Naima and often would get her to send him photos of their kids. Trent did the same and often called Amber, just to hear her voice. After the first few nights, Trent had started to pre-draw up Clay's drug mixture to stop Clay from suffering too long when he was awake. He had tweaked the dose a few times to get it right for Clay so that he was not in any pain but not completely sedated that he couldn't wake himself up if another nightmare happened.

For Ray, he felt his fathering instinct take over whenever he saw Clay like that and often he would find himself holding Clay into his chest as Trent injected Clay with his meds. Clay would fight them every single time, however, he couldn't. He didn't have enough strength yet but with Ray holding him as they did it, they had found that Clay wouldn't fight as much. It was like feeling close to one of them allowed Clay to work out that he was in fact safe. Ray had often felt Clay snuggle into his chest as they waiting for the drugs to take effect, the kid had suffered too much and was barely old enough to be part of them. Clay was only a kid to them and yet he had suffered more than any of them.

Jason couldn't watch it but was the one that stayed the longest. But in the end, he couldn't see Clay in so much pain. Clay was like a son to him and for him not being able to stop the pain it broke him. All he wanted to do was to take away Clay's pain and take it on himself. And so when it all got too much and knowing that Clay was safe with Ray and Trent he would rush to the kitchen where he could be alone. Unable to control his anger he normally ended up throwing something whether that be a cup or a plate. It met the wall at some speed. After the second day that Naima had walked into the kitchen to find it destroyed, Jason had started to clear up after him the moment he did it. Mainly to save himself from another lecture and it kept his mind busy.

Clay's nightmares broke him every time he witnessed one and seeing Clay's injuries, he couldn't help but think about what had caused them. He knew that it was driving him mad but he couldn't help it. He had failed Clay so now he had to do everything possible to protect him for anything to could hurt him.

For Brock, he would often follow Sonny out of the building at around about the same time but wouldn't leave the area as Sonny would. Normally he only travelled as far as his body would allow it before collapsing down the side of the building and normally on the grass but away from people on the street. And he was never alone. Cerberus followed him every time and stay close. Being the closest to Clay's age meant that he couldn't hide his emotions as much as the others but like Clay wore a mask. The mixture of fresh air and an overload of emotions caused him to lose all control. He would just sit there and cry hugging his four-legged friend. Cerberus would lick his hand and not take his eyes off him as he broke down.

Cerberus was also feeling their pain but also Clay's. Whenever Clay was awake Cerberus was right there by his side and would constantly stare at him like he was going to disappear again on them. Ever since they had gotten Clay back, Cerberus was right there by his side unless Brock needed him. Their four-legged friend was someone who Clay was most relaxed around. It didn't matter how much of a connection the rest of the team had with Clay, he would flinch away from them with a single touch. That broke them. Their brother was scared to be around them, but with Cerberus, Clay could relax. He could find peace running his fingers through Cerberus' coat, at least the kid found some comfort being back around them.

However, shooting up wasn't the only way the nightmares caused Clay pain and none of them were easy to witness.

Sometimes Clay would just wake up screaming. Not shouting someone's name or any words that they could understand. Just screaming. Like he thought he was back in Turkey with Zurkoff. Those ones cut deep with all of them and often happened during the night when only one or two of them were awake. As time went on it was often Ray and Jason to take the night shifts as the others caught up on some sleep, Trent was often close by just in case he was needed but he too needed sleep.

For those who were on the night shift, watching and hearing Clay relive what happened overseas broke them. They all heard Clay call out and often he would wake the whole house but they knew better than to crowd the kid. If they were needed then they would be called for. But that didn't mean it hurt them any less. However, they knew that the nightmares wouldn't get any better if Clay didn't start talking about what had happened to him. But that was the problem, Clay wouldn't say a word, not to anymore.

When Clay had first come to Jason's home, ever time he woke up near one of them he would automatically flinch away from them. That both broke them and caused the anger to build in all of them. But they all knew why Clay was doing it, even with them. Clay's body was in survival mode still and classed them all as possible threats. They knew that Clay knew that they weren't going to hurt him, but his body and mind was stuck in that warehouse. Overtime he had started to relax more around them and more so with the help of Cerberus but he wasn't there with them sometimes. The only time that they had connected with him was when he was at breaking point.

With Jason and Ray taking the night shifts with Clay they were the ones who had to comfort Clay when his nightmares caused him to cry out. They both had spoken about it when Clay was with the others and out of earshot about what had happened the previous night and if Clay said anything about what he had seen in his dream. Both of their fatherly instincts took over when Clay woke them up screaming and without thinking about where they were and who was in front of them, they automatically held Clay like they would if he was one of their children and allowed him to cry and shake in their arms until he fell back asleep.

He wouldn't speak to them as he did so, it was like he fully didn't understand where he was and who was holding him but they could only guess that Clay felt safe in their arms. So much so that he would fall back asleep. Neither of them had told the others about what was happening or how they had gotten Clay back asleep, however, one night and after a really bad one Trent had come to check on Clay to make sure that he was ok only to find both Clay and Jason asleep. With Clay still tightly held in Jason's arms. After that night, Trent had told Jason in private that he hadn't seen Clay so relaxed since before the bombing in Manila.

As the weekend came, Jason had found his house full of Bravo and their families. It had been a while since their last Bravo BBQ, but this time it wasn't just Bravo. The men from Alpha had joined them. Clay had only had a deep connection with Bravo but his connection to Alpha came second. Full Metal and Derek both had grown concerned about Clay that they had called in a few times since Clay had started to stay there.

The house was full but the only two people that were missing were Clay and Cerberus who both had escaped into the garden. They had found that the kid was not great with crowds and having too many people around him for a long period of time was not a good thing so they left him alone. However, that didn't mean they weren't watching him.

Jason stood in front of the back door watching Clay carefully. Cerberus was sat next to him looking up him like he was waiting for a treat or a pet. Jason knew that he had failed Clay so much and didn't know how to fix any of it. Was Clay too broken to be fixed? Would the brass clear him to return? And if so when? All of those questions plagued his head. He couldn't lose Clay again. Not if he had anything to do with it. Clay was Bravo and Bravo would be there for him.

"Go talk to him." A voice from behind him said.

He turned towards the voice to see Naima stood behind him with a fresh cup of coffee in her hands. He knew that Ray had filled her in with what was happening with Clay during the night and how he was coping with them. Her motherly instincts had also kicked in with the Clay and the nurse within her took a step aside for her mothering side to come out stronger. Every time she had come in to change Clay's bandages or help with something she was how young the boy was. It was unfair for someone so young to go through everything that Clay had gone through. But she wasn't what Clay needed right now, what Clay needed now was Bravo. But truly, she knew that it wasn't just Bravo he needed right now. Clay needed a father. He needed Jason.

Without another word, Jason moved out into the garden closing the door behind him. As he entered the garden Cerberus had quickly turned to see who was coming towards them but when his eyes hit apon Jason he just wagged his tail but didn't move.

Clay was stood with his arm carefully wrapped around himself like he was creating a protective blanket around him. The other was still in the sling, strapped to his chest. It was horrible for Jason to see that in someone who use to have so much confidence. It was like something had broken inside of Clay. And it was Bravo's job to fix it.

"How are you feeling?" Jason asked as he got close to him, not wanting to scare him by approving him without letting him know he was there. But he had a feeling that Clay had seen Cerberus' movement and guessed it was one of the guys.

Clay turned slightly as Jason stood next to him. "Is there a right answer for that?" He said putting his hand into his pocket, hiding the fact that his hand continued to shake. Jason thought about what Clay had said and had to agree with him, they all knew that they had a long way to go before any of them could class themselves as ok.

"Can't help you there," Jason answered. He then noticed that Clay wasn't making eye contact with him, it was like he didn't want to see what emotion they were all going through. But mainly Jason knew that Clay was blaming himself for everything, like normal. It was one of the worst things about the kid, that he took everything that went wrong personally. However, it was what made the kid a naturally born leader. Someone who cared about the men in front, behind and to the side of him. It is what would make him one of the best tier one team leaders when his time came. Jason just hoped that he still had that future to look forward too.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the mission." Clay finally admitted. He hated failing his brothers but failing Jason hurt more than anything else. The man had given him so much and yet again he had let him down. Once again.

"Not your fault kid," Jason said shaking his head. He knew what the kid was doing and sometimes he wanted to slap the kid over the head. The fault didn't lay with the kid, he just needed to get it through to him that he didn't blame him. That they didn't blame him.

"No. I should have told you." Clay said shaking his own head. He hated himself for lying to his brothers and that he had put them in danger as well caused him even more pain than getting shot. His actions had also led his team leader, someone who he saw as a father figure to get shot as well. Even with Jason downplaying his injury, he knew that Jason was hurting with his shoulder.

"Were you ordered not to tell us?" Jason turned to face Clay completely.

"Yes," Clay said bowing his head. Like a child been told off.

"Then nothing to be sorry about," Jason admitted shaking his head once again. For the next few minutes, the two men stood in silence looking out at the sky above them. Thinking about everything that had happened.

"What happened to Jones?" Clay finally asked breaking the silence. Jason turned to look at him and understood why Clay had asked. Jones had not just betrayed him but also their team which had led to the deaths of four good men. Men that Clay had gotten to know and had trusted just like he trusted Bravo.

"C.I.A is dealing with him, we have nothing to worry about. He's not getting away with what he did." Jason said watching Clay's reaction very carefully. However, like normal, Clay's mask was on tight.

"Thought Sonny would have killed him." He finally admitted shrugging his shoulder, the one that he could move.

Jason smiled, knowing that Sonny would have if they had let him. But to be truthful they all wanted to kill Jones because of what he had done. Not only did he betrayed Clay but he had caused their brother so much hurt. "He wanted too. Should have let him." He admitted, hopeing that Clay understood why they had allowed Jones to live.

"I'm glad he didn't," Clay admitted.

"Why?" Jason asked, now confused. He had been worried that Clay would hate them for not making Jones' pay for what he had done.

"This way he can suffer properly for what he did," Clay admitted and for the first time, he looked at Jason as he spoke. For the first time, in a long while, Jason could see the pain that Clay was in. His eyes weren't covered with his mask and they screamed that Clay wasn't ok. But also he couldn't be prouder of the kid. He had a better heart and mind than he could ever have.

"When did you become so wise?" Jason asked with a smile. The kid had grown up so much and he was proud of him because of it.

"Must be hanging around Ray too long," Clay said with a little smirk.

Jason looked at the kid and shook his head smiling. The kid still had a sense of humour even if a little.

"Well that needs to stop right now," Jason said throwing his arm over Clay's shoulder pulling him into him. Before shaking him a little, hoping that he wasn't hurting him in doing so. They both laughed knowing what the other person was doing. Hearing Clay laugh a little healed one of Jason's wounds but not all of them. He didn't know if there was anything that could heal them all but it was a start.

"I'm sorry to kid." Jason finally admitted, keeping his arm on Clay's shoulder.

"For what?" Clay asked confused, but not breaking the hold Jason had on his shoulder. Because of feeling Jason's touch, he knew that he was safe. That nothing bad was going to happen to him.

"Not getting to you quick enough," Jason said looking down at his feet if they had only gotten to Clay faster than they may have saved him from more hurt.

"It wasn't your fault." Clay said shaking his head. He knew what Jason was doing. He was being Bravo One. The one who had the whole world on his shoulders and if anything happened to any of them then it was his fault. Even if it clearly wasn't.

"You're my responsibility. I should have been there for you and I wasn't." Jason said pulling away from Clay and stepping away from him like just being near the kid would cause him more harm than good.

"You were," Clay muttered but loud enough for him to hear.

At those words, Jason spun around and looked at Clay with so much confusion that Clay shrugged his shoulder and looked down at his feet like he was so nervous about admitting what was going on in his head. "Down in that hull and at the warehouse, you were there with me. In my head. It sounds crazy but it felt so real. It was like you were right there telling me that everything was ok. Like you did in Manila..."

Then Clay found that he couldn't speak anymore. Like the words had gone missing from his head to his mouth. He also found it hard to breathe, like his lungs weren't working anymore. He couldn't help but start to panic. What was wrong with him?

"Hey...hey..." A voice kept calling to him and then he felt arms around him. He looked up to see Jason right there in front of him.

"You're ok. And it doesn't sound crazy. Not one bit." Jason said rubbing his hands over the kids' arms. He knew what had just happened. The kid had just suffered a panic attack. And it wasn't the first and wasn't going to be the last, Jason knew that but at least it wasn't that bad. He had witnessed Clay have really bad ones which had left the kid very close to passing out.

After a couple more minutes, Clay had regained control of his breathing. "Knew you guys would come for me. Had no doubt." Clay said folding slightly into Jason's hold. He was so tired, and now all his body wanted was to sleep.

"Guys dinners ready," Emma called from the house. And Jason moved to see her, written all over her face was worry about what she saw. She had seen her Dad comfort Clay before but finding the kid leaning so heavily against her father scared her.

"Just a sec," Jason called and motioned her to head back in but also letting her know what everything was ok. To which she did.

"Let's get some food into you and then you can sleep. Ok?" Jason said pulling Clay close. The kid looked like he was about to pass out right there and then but Jason knew that Clay needed to eat something. Even if it was small.

"Come on kid," Jason said guiding Clay back into the house.

Thankfully, he had been able to get Clay to eat a little before allowing Naima and Trent to guide him into his room to change his bandages on all of his wounds and double-checked the stitching before they had finally allowed him to sleep. Not but two minutes after Clay's head hit the pillow did he fall asleep.

"He's healing," Naima said as she ran her fingers through Clay's hair. She turned to see Jason stood in the doorway. The voices from the living room could still be heard. Naima, however, knew that Jason was unlikely to return to the party with Clay like this.

"I know." He said not taking his eyes off Clay.

"You both are." She said getting to her feet before moving out of the room but not before she rubbed his arm and then closing the door to give the two men some peace. He knew she was right but they still had a long way to go before any of them were ok.

"I'm here kid," Jason said as he took up a protective seat right next to the bed and close to the door. He wasn't letting the kid out of his sight tonight. Not until he was sure Clay was ok. Truly ok. At least for tonight.


	24. New Mission

Chapter Twenty-four

Sonny wanted to punch someone (either Admiral Mason or Jones would do) or something if he couldn't have his first two opinions. He had never felt so much anger in his body before, and that was saying something. Normally his anger got him through anything that came at him whether that be on a mission or at home. It was how he survived so long in this world. If he didn't have his anger then what did he have? He drew on his anger to protect his brothers every single mission they faced. That had been one of output for his anger, it was what helped control it. He would put all the anger that had built up in order to keep himself and his brothers safe. It was why he hated been stuck at home when the team was off rotation as he had no output for his anger expect drinking himself into oblivion.

And now, once again, he had no output for his anger. No mission to execute. No enemies to empty his mags into. Nothing to focus his anger onto. But he knew that the source of his anger did have a new drive. It didn't matter if Zurkoff was dead, he got his anger out on him when he empties his rounds into the bastard. How his anger was set on the bastards who had ordered his little brother into the line of fire without them. If he could get his sights on Admiral Mason then he wouldn't be able to control what he did next. He had sent Clay into danger without them as they had classed the mission as a non-active one where all Clay had to do was to follow Zurkoff around getting intel. But it hadn't gone the way the cake eaters had thought it would. The mission had gone tits up and it was all their fault.

One of their own had betrayed them. Betrayed Clay.

Jones had betrayed their brother which had left him alone in a country where he didn't know who was friend or foe. He was alone with no idea if someone was coming for him. If his brothers were going to come for him. Feeling that Clay may have doubted them was what caused Sonny the most pain and anger. Clay must have thought that he was alone and having to fight his way out of an impossible situation that he shouldn't have been part of in the first place. He had to find somewhere safe to rest up not knowing if he would survive till the next day.

But to give Clay his merits he did find somewhere to hide, to escape for a time. Been injured and losing blood Trent had told them that he would have been in real trouble if he hadn't found help. The bullet may have not hit anything important, but like all bullet wounds, they bled a lot. He had been proud of the kid for that. He had escaped Zurkoff's men, even killing one from what the cameras had told them before escaping into the streets. And he was planning on telling him so when he got a moment with the kid by himself.

Everyone knew that Sonny was never good at showing his emotions to anyone and more so when that meant giving someone the recognition that they deserved and god did the kid deserves it.

The kid and his amazing brain had remembered reading about Doctor Aksoy. The man who had saved his life, but had paid it with his life. Something that he knew Clay felt fully reasonable for. The kid was blaming himself. He had wanted to shake some sense into the kid and yell at him that it wasn't his fault however he knew better. Clay wouldn't believe any of them, not yet. Clay had to get it into his head and work through it himself. And for that, it could take the rest of his life.

Aksoy had done his duty for their brother and had saved his life. Trent had told them all that if Clay's bullet wound hadn't been treated when it did and Zurkoff and his men had gotten hold of him then Clay wouldn't have survived the first warehouse. He would have likely bled out internally after the beatings that Clay had suffered. He had never seen someone so black and blue before who had survived to tell about it. Clay was lucky to be alive and they knew that getting Clay home alive was a miracle in itself. Instead of planning Clay's physical therapy sessions with Lucas and the other PTs at the base, they could have been planning Clay's funeral.

Something that they never wanted to do. Thinking about how close he had come to losing his little brother had broken him a little. He remembered when Clay had left on his 'rehab' trip, he hadn't said goodbye. Not properly. He had given him their normal one shoulder hug and had told Clay in no certain terms that he had to work his arse off to get back to them and he wasn't going to take no as an answer. And didn't say the words goodbye or good luck. Nothing to tell him that he was proud of him for how much he had achieved already.

It was that feeling of Clay thinking that he didn't care about him enough to tell him those things that had started to kill him when he thought they were losing him. Clay was the closest thing he had to family. Bravo was his family and he would argue with anyone who told him differently but he wasn't as close to them as he was to Clay which was strange because he had known them the longest. But Clay was different. He didn't know how but he was. There was something about Clay that made him feel that it was ok not to hide who he was. He didn't need to be a hardened breacher that he had to be for the others. With Clay, he could be more of himself. He didn't need to wear his mask so thickly with him.

And the thought about losing the closest person he had left had caused the anger to build more and more whenever he saw that Clay was still in pain. The kid was still pain, and sadly he was too stubborn to ask for help. But he couldn't blame the kid about the pain killers as he would do the same if it was him. He hated having to rely on drugs to get through the day and the same was for Clay. But truthfully they were all like that. The Seals were a stubborn breed of men and that was unlikely to change.

To try not to hurt anyone Sonny had locked him into the base gym when he wasn't needed at Jason's place. But hitting and repeatedly hitting the punching bags had started to not have the effects that he wanted. He had, at first, to spar with other guys in the gym which had allowed him to get rid of his anger but he had nearly sent two of the men he had been sparring to hospital. And so he had been banned from sparring anyone until he calmed down. Which wasn't going to happen any time soon. But he didn't blame them, he couldn't control himself because as soon as he had entered the ring his anger exploded into rage.

So, now he was stood punching the punch bag with not enough strength that he didn't risk fracturing his knuckles because Trent would kill him if he had but also allowed him to continue punching something for longer. All of Bravo were at the base today and for good reason. Because Clay was here too. Not at Jason's resting like he should be. No, the little shit had chosen to come to base all because Blackburn had been allowed to talk to him alone.

Blackburn had called in to see Jason before heading to the base to find him still in the shower. Mainly to see how everything was going and see for himself how Clay was healing. He had played as the go-between Bravo and command however it had been a few days since he had personally seen Clay. And as Jason was not there he had been able to speak to Clay himself and alone.

The kid was ok to seak and looked like he was healing slowly but even Blackburn could see that there was something else going on with Clay that had worried Bravo but they weren't going to force him to tell them what was going on. They would wait until he was ready. Their conversation started from how he was doing to what was happening on base. And for some stupid reason, in Sonny's mind, Clay had been the one that had brought up when his debriefing was going to be. Bravo had kept Clay off that conversation for as long as possible but Blackburn was not told that. So instead he had told him that all they were waiting for was him to give his side of the storey.

They all had guessed that Clay would just want to get it all over with but they all knew that Clay wasn't ready for that just yet. Clay had to deal with all of his emotion first and with them before speaking about what had happened to him. Because it had changed him, they all could see that. But Clay wasn't having any of it. So here they were. Waiting for Clay to finish with the cake eaters, Jason had gone with him and so most of them had hidden in the base gym.

All but Brock and Cerberus who had headed to the training field. The stress levels for their four-legged friend had grown and Brock was getting concerned that he would snap at someone if he wasn't careful. Cerberus wouldn't bite anyone on purpose unless told too but their pup was feeding on their combined stress levels with was making him acted differently. The only time that Cerb acted somewhat normal or as normal as a dog would act, was when he was with Clay alone.

Ray and Trent had set themselves off on the treadmills and had started on a long ruck to try to waste as much time as possible. But nothing that would cause them to collapse before Clay was ready to go back to Jason's place. Sonny was with his new best friend that he had gotten so close to recently, the punching bag.

The gym was quiet with very few other Navy personnel inside using the other machines but not many that a lot of the machines stood unused. The radio was quietly playing in the background so that it wouldn't annoy them, as normally they would plug themselves into their own music during their workouts but not today. Today they were just working on the soft music of the radio and concertedly checking the doors for Jason and Clay to walk through. But they didn't have to wait long after they had left for the gym door so slam open. But what they saw wasn't what they wanted to see nor liked.

Jason walked in alone and with the look on his face was that something had happened to cause him to feel real anger. As soon as he stormed in Ray had stopped his treadmill and quickly got off the machine and made his way to him.

"What's wrong Jay?" He asked pouring some cool water from his water bottle. He was sweaty but could feel that his best friend needed him.

"The C.I.A brass are in there as well. Apparently they don't trust the Navy to get the answers to their questions so their here too. He's basically facing a full Captain's table." Jason exploded and started to pace in front of them all, by this point Trent and Sonny had both joined Ray however Sonny had sat himself down onto one of the benches gripping the edge of the bench so he didn't punch something. A Captain's table, on a Naval Ship normally happened when someone was in serious trouble but from their point of view, it did look like that. Clay was alone facing down the people who could easily call him a lier or even worse push him too hard that it could break Clay even more.

"Who's with him?" Sonny growled. They guessed that something had happened to stop Jason from being with Clay at the time he needed someone there by his side when he needed them.

"They don't want me answering for him." Jason puffed out as he sat down next to Sonny. He rubbed his hands over his face before bowing his head so the only thing holding it up was his hands.

"So he's on his own?" Trent asked looking shocked at the fact that Jason had not put up more of a fight when he had been told that Clay had to face this alone. He had pictured Jason dragging Clay back to the gym with him and not letting him go into the room until they agreed that one of them could be with him.

"No, Blackburns with him and I've told him the moment Clay looked any worse than he is now it ends. Eric wouldn't push him." Jason reported looking up at them with a sigh. He really wanted to be in there with them, be there for Clay but he had been overruled and ordered to leave. He couldn't fight that order, it didn't matter how much of his body wanted to disregard it. He couldn't and so he had to let Clay face them alone.

"Bloody hell," Sonny muttered before getting to his feet and starting to copy Jason from earlier and started to pace the gym.

"I know Sonny. Believe me, I don't like it either but we have to trust Blackburn will be there for him." Ray said crossing his arms but not taking his eyes off Jason. He knew that Jason was now like a caged animal. The relationship between him and Clay had grown in the last week and Ray knew that he was now seeing their kid as more of a son than one of his men. A dangerous thing when it came to them returning to active status but at this moment, it felt like the only thing holding Clay together.

After the party, Jason hadn't left Clay alone at night again not even with Ray there. Jason, for some reason, needed to be there for Clay. The two of them had glued themselves together, and if the two of them were apart then they wouldn't settle. However, it wasn't Clay who had been the worse for it, it was Jason. But when Ray thought it through the real connect hadn't happened until the night of the party when they had all gone and he had taken Naima and the kids home and then had returned to hear one of the worse nights of their lives. He had left Brock, Trent and Sonny who were all cleaning up but by the time he had gotten back they were all asleep. That night Clay had woken them all up with a typically terrifying nightmare. Jason had been with him and whatever had been said between the two had changed everything.

"What happened with you and Clay that night?" Ray asked forgetting that they weren't alone but with the others.

Jason looked up at his friend with a confused look on his face. He had no idea what Ray was on about. And more so what night he was on about. Yes, he had spent every night with Clay helping his guy deal with the nightmares that were torturing Clay's mind every night. The kid needed him and so there he was, and scarily and unknown to the rest of the team that the nightmares were now joined by more panic attacks and worse flashbacks. The kid was suffering and it didn't matter how much physically he was healing, they needed to get him through the mental side of it more.

From the confused look that Jason was giving him Ray knew that he would need to explain it to him, he now wished he had asked him privately. "Jay, you haven't left Clay alone for a second since the night of the party and that nightmare. What happened or what did he say to you that has you glued to his side?"

With that question, Trent and Sonny both turned to look at Jason. They had all seen how close Clay and Jason had come but before Jason could answer, the gym doors opened. All four of them turned to hopefully see Clay stood there but they were wrong. Instead, Brock and Cerberus walked in. And they could tell that something was clearly wrong as Brock's face which was normally calm was seriously pissed.

"What's wrong?" Trent asked seeing the look Brock was giving them.

"The trainer has pulled Cerb from active work till they can reassess him." Brock spat and started to pace in front of him. Sonny had looked dumbstruck with the way that Brock was acting.

"Why? What happened?" Ray said in complete shock. Cerberus was one of the best dogs in the Navy and to hear that the trainers had sidelined their dog confused them.

"We were running drills and with the bite sleeve, he is meant to release on command like normal. He has always released it on order. Always. But today, he is not having any of it. Wouldn't give it up. It didn't matter what I did he wouldn't give it up." Brock explained throwing his arms around in the air. Cerberus had laid down under Jason's legs like he was hiding from them all like he knew he was in trouble.

"He's never done that before," Ray said looking at their fourlegged teammate. Who immediately hid his muzzle under his paws hiding his eyes.

"You know why?" Trent asked, he had known their cool-headed dog handler well and knew that if anyone knew Cerb the best, it was him.

"Clay I'm guessing," Brock said turning his back on them and tried to take control of his emotion again. He rubbed his fingers into his eyes like he was trying to get rid of the headache that had formed.

"What are you talking about?" Sonny demanded and moved to get in Brock's face but was stopped by Ray who had quickly get between the two of them.

Ray, however, turned slightly and asked, "Explained."

"Cerb has been odd since we got back and every time he is apart from Clay he becomes moody and unpredictable. I thought getting him onto the field would let him get out his anger. But it didn't work. It took me and two trainers to get the sleeve out of his mouth and then he went for me." With Brock's words, they all stopped still.

Cerberus would never hurt one of them but more so when it came to Brock. And to hear that Cerb had gone for him worried them all. But also at that moment, they all saw how much Clay been hurt had changed them all. Including Cerb.

"What's happened to us?" Jason muttered forgetting Ray's earlier question and hoping that he would forget it. However, the team heard it. Sonny had retaken his seat on the bench and Trent had moved closer to Brock. "Ever since Clay had joined us..." Jason started but then couldn't finish.

"...You became a family." A voice finished.

They turned as they hadn't heard the door open and was shocked about who had come in to find them. It was Harrington, who stood there with his hands in his pockets. He was slowly making his way to them and looked at each of them carefully.

"Clay has changed Bravo. He is a team guy, through and through that's for sure. But at the same time, he has been there for you in his own way when you needed him. Whether that be a friend, a teammate, a kindred spirit and a son. It doesn't matter what he faced in the past, he has always had that fight in him for his team. For Bravo." Harrington said taking a seat next to Jason and looking at each of them as he spoke but held Jason in his sight when he mentioned the word son.

"How is that going to affect Bravo moving forward is your own choice. All I see and what everyone else will see is a close team." Harrington said shrugging his shoulders as he went. He knew that Clay had changed Bravo a lot since he joined but also knew that when the change happened it was always a worry in case that change caused more problems. And with a guy like Clay, he was concerned regarding how it would affect his way of operating.

"When Clay first joined Bravo, there was a lot of talk about how he wasn't fitting in well with you guys..." Harrington started when no one had said anything about his other statements.

"Who said what?" Sonny demanded. Now even more pissed, if that was possible, about the fact that people were talking about them but more about the fact that they had been talking about Clay.

"Doesn't matter. But what came across that you guys didn't really like Clay at first." Harrington continued and looked directly at Sonny, giving him a warning not to interrupt him again. "Clay is Ash Spenser's son. I know that played a big role in the fact that people weren't happy about him joining DEVGRU but the kid is as far from Ash than any of us. The kid has a fight in him that I haven't seen in a lot of Seals but to see it in a kid of his age gives me hope that we can make a difference. However, regarding Bravo, Clay makes you all better and seeing him hurt is affecting all of you."

At this statement, Ray nodded knowing Harrington was right. Clay being hurt again was affecting them just like it had done in Manila.

"You need to talk to him. Clay is the only one who can tell you what you want to know and he is not letting himself heal because he is swimming in the memories of what has happened. After the debriefing, I want you all to take him back to Jason's place and get him to talk. He needs to get this out before it destroys him. He had his appointment with the base shrink soon and I know they will not sign him off to start PT until they know he is safe up here." Harrington said pointing at his own head. And with that, he left them alone. He had done what he had set out to do and that was to get Bravo to push Clay to talk. It was what he needed to do. Before he lost another good Seal.

"He's right," Jay said to himself but really he said it to all of them. Then he looked up at all of them.

"When Clay is done, we get him to talk. He is going to shut down on us but he needs to talk. His nightmares are getting worse and soon it will start to make him ill." Jason reported knowing that he should have told them all earlier but wanted to keep Clay's privacy.

"What do you mean getting worse?" Trent asked. His medically mind working on overtime on how the nightmares could be effecting Clay's physical health. He could tell that the kid was clearly not sleeping very well and had on occasion had slipped the kid a small amount of sedation into his water to get him to sleep without giving the kid the side effects that came with them.

"They are happening more often. Even when he is awake." Jason said not meeting their eyes.

"You should have told us," Ray said now understanding what was happening between Clay and Jason.

"I know," Jason said looking up at Ray. "I can't fail him again. I wouldn't." Jason muttered meeting Ray's eyes.

Both Jason and Ray were blaming themselves for what had happened. Like they had not been the 1IC and 2IC that Clay needed. Clay needed them to be on top of their game and yet they hadn't been. They had been blind to what was happening with Clay and so when the kid needed them they were doing it all wrong. But not anymore. From now on they were going to be the leaders that Clay needed, be the family that Clay needed.

However, this wasn't going to be easy. Clay was as stubborn as they come. But the one thing that Bravo was very good at was getting what they wanted and would do anything to complete their tasks. Whatever the cost or the risk. And now their mission was clear to them all.

To get Clay to talk. And talk he will.


	25. Pressure

Chapter Twenty-five

He was so tired. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so drained in his life.

He could barely keep himself awake near the end of the debriefing, he could feel all eyes on him as he was the only one that could give them the answers that they all wanted but it didn't matter. None of it mattered. It didn't matter that he was surrounded by men and women who outranked him and people from the C.I.A who's fault it was for all the crap he had to deal with over there. He knew that it was wrong of him to blame everyone in the C.I.A for one bad apple but his whole body hurt too much for his brain.

His body was screaming at him to let it stop and shut down. He wanted to sleep for a week or maybe a little longer until his body could properly recharge but he couldn't let it. Not yet. One of the reasons why he had wanted to get his debriefing over and done with was that he couldn't sleep properly when there were so many questions plaguing his head. There was so much that he didn't know. Like how the hell did his brothers find out about the mission or how Mason had gotten the info about the text to Bravo without revealing himself. He might be the one telling his commanders what had happened from his side of the story but at the same time, he was been fed what had happened on the other side.

He knew that as soon they had finished and he was dismissed then he would likely reserve a real ear full from his brothers when they came to get him. He knew that this idea wasn't one of his best, but at the same time, he truly just wanted to get it over and done with. Debriefing gave him closure. It was what gave him peace after an op, it was the one time that they were able to talk about what had happened and go through everything. They couldn't talk about what happened again so the debriefing gave him the chance to make peace with what had happened.

Unlike others, he never used the time to think about what he could have done differently because he couldn't change it. The past was the past. But it was different if the past meant thinking about who close he had come to losing one of his brothers or in fact had lost them. Losing a brother always hurt and thinking about how he could have saved them haunted him.

But other than that he didn't care about how he had finished the mission, as long as he completed his mission and they all made it home. Second-guessing himself wouldn't help him, it wouldn't make any difference to what had happened. So he didn't. It was something that he always did. But not this time.

However this time it was different.

As they laid out everything that had happened both from his side and theirs he had to be truthful that he felt more confused about the whole thing than before they had started. One of the things that confused him was how many people had wanted answers about what had happened. A normal debriefing would be at limit only have three or four officers in the room but this time there was over ten. When Blackburn had shown him into the room, he didn't know half of the officers that were in the room but he knew that they must be high up for them to be in the room.

He had guessed that the debriefing would have been a big deal as it wasn't just the Navy that wanted answers, but also the C.I.A. They had been betrayed by one of their own. Jones had betrayed him. That was all Clay could think about when he thought of the man. Jones had given him up to Zurkoff but the one thing that confused him was that he still didn't know why.

Jones had spent years fighting to protect his country and helped stop multiple attacked both domestic and global. So how did a man who had given so much turn his back on his own? To throw everything away for a man like Zurkoff. To work for a man who didn't care who he sold his weapons too and how they were used. Many to kill the very people he was previously protecting. It didn't make sense.

But to be truthful nothing had on this mission. It was a mess.

During the debriefing, at one point, one of the C.I.A agents who had been one of the intel officers on the mission had not so subtly accused of being the one who had betrayed the mission and the four agents that now lay six feet under. It didn't matter to the agent that Jones had all but confessed to it. He had admitted being the one who had sold him out to Zurkoff. But Clay knew why he was doing it. It felt like as if the C.I.A. didn't want to take all the blame for four dead agents (two of which had been former special forces), a dead informant, one warehouse destroyed, with another turned into a war zone. The whole thing was one big mess. Which wasn't great but it wasn't a mission that they could easily brush under the carpet and forget about, because of the involvement of the Royal Navy.

HMS Dragon was a force to be reckoned with and her crew were some of the best sailors ever. However because of their involvement and not just in saving his life but in ending the threat of Zurkoff. Zurkoff had died by the hands of the Royal Navy sailors, which to Clay felt right. Zurkoff had been responsible for a bombing at one of the docks that HMS Dragon's sister ship had been docked at. Four British Sailors had been critically injured and twelve dock workers had been killed. The man had got what was coming for him.

On the other hand, it didn't matter how much Clay was happy for the Brits for getting their revenge, their involvement had caused a little bit of tension between the two allies. Mainly because of the C.I.A had not informed them that they were operating in the country that the Brits were already heavily involved in. It was true that most of the joint bases throughout Turkey were involving the Brits. And for them to call apon them when they needed it was something that the Brits had made it very clear that they should have been involved from the beginning.

At the same time that the agent was questioning his loyalty, he could feel that his body was indeed starting to shut down. He knew that he was reaching his limit and soon he could more likely fall sleep or worse blackout. But at this point, he didn't need to defend himself, mainly because he had a dozen Navy officers to pull his punches for him. However the argument was stopped by someone who Clay was surprised to see there, and someone who had remained in the shadows for the whole thing.

Uncle Tommy.

And he didn't look happy, in fact, he looked a bit like Sonny when he was pissed off at something. Clay couldn't remember the last time he had seen him so angry before. The closest time he could of think of was when he had told him when he had returned from Africa was when Ash had told the team that he was shipping him off to Africa with his parents. And Ash had been truthful about the reason for it. Not to give him a more stable life or the joy of having two parents but so that being a single father didn't mess up his career. So he could continue enjoying his carefree life without having to worry about feeding his own son.

Uncle Tommy had told him that it had taken the whole team a could of months to even look Ash in the face and out on missions the tension was clear to see. But they had put it to one side in order to complete their missions. But it didn't mean that they forgave him.

Now, however, thinking back he could see that his life wouldn't be as it was if he had been raised by Ash. He had learnt so much from his grandparents that he knew he wouldn't have learnt from Ash. Like their love of learning, their love of helping people and so much more.

If he had been raised by Ash then he still could have ended up in the Navy, but it was very unlikely. However if he had done, then he would have never made it all the way to become a tier-one operator. If he had chosen to join one of the forces then he would have chosen the one that would piss Ash off the most. If he had made it to any of the forces, thinking about what it would have been like to live with the man he hated the most made him shake with worry. The man would have more likely destroyed him, destroyed what was inside him.

Clay, however, knew that he wouldn't have stayed with that man for long. He would have likely run away from Ash, even if it meant sleeping ruff. He didn't care as long as he was as far away from the man as possible. That or he would have ended up in prison for doing anything in order to get back at Ash. Thinking about it, he would have happily gone to prison if it meant he could kick the shit out of Ash, repeatedly.

Living in Africa was one of the best times of his lives but also some of the worse. He had lived there for just under eighteen years before he and his grandmother had returned to the States. She had moved them back to a small house close to the beach and not too far away from one of the best colleges in the country. She wanted him to make something of himself. He knew however that wasn't the only reason for the move. They had continued to live in Africa for just over ten years after his grandfather's death but his death had broken her. He could see that so clearly. But also Clay knew that her health had started to get worse and knowing that soon Clay would be alone, being in the States felt like the best place for him. So she had gone home.

When they got back, Clay knew what he wanted to do with his life. Well, part of it. He had only been in the States a day before he had headed to the enlistment officer and had signed up. Something that hadn't gone down well with her. His grandmother had voiced her concern and disapproval very loudly when he had told her. Ever since Clay could remember, both of his grandparents had drilled into him that joining any force was not worth it. That they had seen enough death that they wanted something better for their grandson. They didn't want him to become like his father, a soldier. It was one of the reasons why their family was so broken. And him enlisting in the Navy had broken their relationship, even if it was only a little.

He hadn't really talked to her after they had gotten into the big fight about his joining the Navy. She had told him that he had disappointed her and that he was throwing his life away. But he had made his mind up, he wanted to make a difference and he only knew of one way that he could. As soon as he could he had applied for base housing and had been lucky enough to grab one of the apartments on base.

But that didn't stop him from loving his grandmother because he did. He missed her too. With his mother gone, she had been the closest thing to a mother that he had. Even if she didn't see that this was what he wanted to do. It wasn't about showing his father that he was a better man than him, it was about him showing himself that he was better. That he was a better man than his father, that he could do the same job as him only better. Be better altogether. He knew that it was possibly childish of him to think like that, but it was what he thought and nothing was going to change that.

He wasn't a washout like his father. He wasn't someone who sold out his brothers to make money. And he certainly wasn't someone who would abandon his young son days after his mother had been killed and send him across the world to live with his parents. He couldn't do that. He wouldn't. Family was everything. It was something that needed to be protected and was something that gave you strength when all else failed. Sadly, it was also something that was easily lost. And Clay, sadly, knew all about that. He had lost nearly everyone who mattered to him. His mother, his grandfather, Babatunde, his grandmother, Richard, Brain and Adam. He had lost them all.

During his second tour, he hadn't really got any calls from home except one. And it was one of the worse phone conversations he had ever had. It was one of his grandmother's nurses. Before leaving, he had gone over to see her, to see how she was coping. And what he saw wasn't the best. She could look after herself no problem but there were little things that he had noticed that wasn't right for her. And so, he had organised for nurses from the local home to pop in to see her during the day. Just to see if she needed anything, help with cooking dinner, doing the washing, help around the house. Things like that.

And for a time, she seems to be doing well. In one of his visits to see her, he had seen that even though she had slowed down a little she was still the firey women who had raised him. Even though they had left Africa, she was still very active in the church and the life surrounding it. Often he would walk in on her having tea with the church reverend or helping someone from the church with something. Often making up the little monthly booklets letting everyone know what would be happening in the church that month. She had made some good friend inside the church and even started to help out with church fundraisers and after school clubs.

His grandfather had called her a force to be reckoned with. Someone who always stood up for those who couldn't. She had the most kindest heart he had ever meet and she would do anything for anybody if it helped them. She had even taken kids off the street and had helped them sort their life out, even just a little. She was his rock, but even rocks crumble.

In the call from her nurse Heather, an older woman that Clay had put her age around about forty who also had taken to treating Clay like a long lost son, telling him that her condition had gotten worse over the last few weeks and now they were very concerned for her. After a long conversation with heather and his grandmother's doctors, they had all agreed that it would be best for her to move into a home.

He felt so guilty that he had done that to her. He had forced her out of her home and into a new place without her consent. Without asking her first, causing her to leave nearly everything behind. In their time living in Africa, his grandmother had started to collect pieces. Little memories of their life out there. Some of the pieces could sell for a good price but it wasn't about the money. It was about the memories that came along with it. The places they had been, the people who they had met her and the adventures they had been on.

Many of the paintings that hung on her walls were from artists and friends that they had made over there. Many of them, sadly, weren't with them anymore, however, their memories were kept alive inside their paintings. At least that was what his grandmother told him. However, after the call ended, he couldn't just pack up and fly back home to be with her. Clay still had three more weeks of his deployment. And so Clay had to ask something of Heather, a personal favour, to see if she didn't mind dropping by the house to make sure everything was ok.

As soon as he landed, Clay had made the trip to see her. But sadly, a small part of him wished he hadn't. Clay knew that she was getting worse over the last few years and which was why he had asked for the nurses to call in. Without her knowledge mainly because he knew she would say no. But she needed the help. The home was nice enough and had a lot of history somewhere that his grandmother would have loved when she was well. However, it wasn't home. And she wasn't the person he knew before. She didn't even recognise him. He was a stranger.

Four months. That was it. She lasted four months.

And then he was alone. Alone again.

But Clay wasn't allowed to grieve. Not but two weeks later he was re-deployed. At least he got to bury her. His grandmother wanted to be with his grandfather. They had spread his ashes out at sea, it was kind of a romance thing. That no matter where they were, the sea would get them together once again. Richard had gone with him. And it wasn't just some beach in Virginia Beach, no he couldn't do that to her. No, instead they had taken a late flight to Hawaii.

His grandmother had always wanted to go to Hawaii but they had never got the chance so spreading her ashes there felt right. Richard wouldn't leave him alone, not for one minute. The hotel that they had booked was a twin room so that he wasn't alone. Which was what he didn't need right now. He needed to be around people that he knew and cared for. They only spent a day in Hawaii before flying back but he had been thankful that Richard had been there for him. He had kept his head on straight when it clearly wasn't. Richard had sorted everything out, all he had to do was get on and off the plane and take his time spreading her ashes into the water.

At home, he also had nothing else to worry about, she had taken care of everything. Like normal. The house was his but he couldn't live there. Not with all those memories, but he knew what she would want him to do with it. And so he had sold it to the church to use as they pleased and not at full price. He wasn't about the money, he didn't care about that. As long as it was used to help others.

The Church Reverend, who he had met when he had visited her once, had thanked him. He had also kept him up to date with what they were planning and how it was going. The church had turned the house into a community centre where at-risk kids could stay if they needed too. They had even named it after her. A fitting tribute for her. And something that would last forever. The Reverend would send him a letter, telling him about what was happening and how he was still very much in their prayers. The man had a kind heart, just like his grandmother.

The sound of the door to the room opening brought him out of his memories. Looking up Clay saw that the officers were filing out of the room without a second glance. The fact that the room went quiet slightly helped his head but not much because his head was killing him. Technically, he should be the one that left first but he couldn't move. And thankfully they didn't make him. He could only guess that he had Uncle Tommy to thank for that.

The only two people left in the room when the door finally closed was the two people in the room that he knew he could trust. Blackburn and Uncle Tommy. Blackburn had remained in his seat right next to Clay for the entire debriefing, not wanting to let his young Seal out of his sight. Uncle Tommy, however, remained leaning against the wall to his right. Clay could feel the man's eyes on him. He had a feeling that he was not going to be only Uncle Tommy's eyes on him for the seeable future.

"Want me to go and get Jason," Blackburn asked quietly, over the last two years he had gotten to know a lot about Clay including the signs of a really bad headache. Really it had been Trent who had pointed it out to him but ever since he had started to get better at reading the young man's face. He leant forward in his chair to try to get a better look at Clay's complete face. The kid was hiding it underneath his hands. He knew that the whole thing had really taken it out of Clay but he hadn't thought it would this much. Clay was a strong Seal, but he had limits and Blackburn was very worried that maybe he had reached his.

"No, I'm good," Clay muttered running his eyes with his hand. He couldn't shake this headache. And it was getting worse. He knew what his commander was doing and he wanted to thank him for caring but couldn't find the strength.

"Want to try that again?" Mason asked as he moved out of the shadows and moved to Clay's other side so he could get a better look at him, no longer in the shadows, Blackburn could see the worry that was scared into the Admiral's face. Mason knew that Clay wasn't been truthful with them but he couldn't work out what was wrong. He knew that the debriefing had been hard, hell, it had been hard on all of them. But for Clay, it looked like it had drained all the life left in the kid. Something was wrong and all he wished was that he knew what.

"I'm fine," Clay muttered, he knew that he was lying through his teeth. As he pulled himself forward so his elbows were resting on his knees.

Mason now knew something was very wrong with the kid, either mentally or physically. All he had to do was to work out which one. In Clay's body language it clearly screamed to him that it wasn't working as it should do. He guessed that maybe this had been too soon and too much for him, that Clay was simply so tired after dealing with everything that his body was making him go slow. He needed to do something before the kid burnt out or worse. He needed to get Clay checked out, quietly. He knew that if Bravo learned of him being here then everything would get a lot worse, for both himself and Clay. He trusted Hayes to keep his connection with Clay quiet but he was still worried.

He motioned Blackburn to follow him before moving towards the door to the room. He needed to speak to Blackburn in private as he knew that what he was going to ask him to do was something that Clay would argue against. However he didn't want to leave Clay alone, so exiting the room was out of the question. And thankfully Blackburn did as he asked, slowly getting to his feet he moved away from Clay hoping that the young man would be ok if he left him. They both could see that something was clearly wrong with their young Seal in front of them. They were now very concerned about the kid.

Quietly Mason gripped hold of Blackburn's arm and pulled him close before speaking. He didn't want Clay to hear him. "Go get the base doctor quietly and quickly. Don't let anyone else know what is happening and do not let Bravo get wind of this." Mason said quietly. He needed to get Clay checked out by one of their doctors and quickly as something was clearly wrong with him. But at the same time, he wanted to make sure that Clay was ok.

Blackburn nodded, he knew that they had to get Clay checked out and thankfully they had a good medical team on-base who were very good working on stubborn Seals. But getting Clay to let the doctor treat Clay wasn't going to be the hardest part of the whole thing, it was keeping the whole thing from Bravo. It was going to be near enough impossible. Bravo had ears everywhere. There wasn't much on base happening that they didn't know about. Bravo was going to kill him but he did what he was asked. Quietly he slipped out without a word leaving Clay with Mason.

For the first few minutes, the room was left in silence which for Clay was helping his headache a little. Clay knew what Mason had just done, he might have the biggest headache in living history but he wasn't stupid. He knew that Mason had sent Blackburn to get one of the base doctors, which strangely, he was thankful for. He needed something to kick this headache and hatred himself for not asking Trent for something before the debriefing. His own stubbornness was to blame for that.

Mason, knew that Clay was suffering but he needed to talk to him and now was the best time to do it as they could talk freely without worrying about someone overhearing them. Slowly he started to move carefully towards Clay not wanting to scare the kid. "You did nothing wrong out there, you know," Mason said silently watching how Clay would react to his statement. He knew that Clay was blaming himself, he could tell.

"I know," Clay muttered and looked up to meet Mason's eyes. At that, Mason moved and took Blackburn's empty seat next to his godson.

"So why are you blaming yourself?" Mason asked looking into his godson's eyes hoping that he would at least trust him to open up to him as he did before. Something had changed in the kid and wished that he could just make everything better. "Come on. Tell me." He said softly, his tone went from a commanders tone to a fatherly tone. The kid might as well be one of his kids because he had no one else.

"I could have stopped all of this," Clay said closing his eyes and automatically his hand went to his side as if the bullet wound had just happened all over again.

"How?" Mason asked he was shocked at how scared and vulnerable Clay sounded right now. He wasn't there for Clay growing up but his tone caused him to think of his own children. The tone of complete defeat. It broke Mason hearing it come from the young man in front of him. This was all his fault, if he hadn't gone to Clay for help then none of this would have happened. Clay would have been safe.

"Richie wanted to report Jones' behaviour to command. I told him to wait." Clay muttered, his headache was getting worse. He knew that it was likely his emotions but he didn't care. He needed to get this out and only Uncle Tommy would do. He couldn't be this vulnerable with anyone else. Not even Jason.

"This is not your fault," Mason demanded and gripped hold of Clay's arm. The anger at Jones now came back with a new flame. The man had betrayed his country and had caused the pain and suffering to his godson. He knew something had changed inside of Clay that scared him, the poor kid sounded like he was defeated. That he had been broken. Something that he had not seen in the kid for a very long time. And it scared him, the kid was never like this, never. The kid always had many secrets and a lot of things going on inside his head at once but this time it felt to Mason that everything was getting too much for him.

"Clay..." He called his name, hoping at least to get the kid to look at him because as soon as his tone became more broken he refused to meet his Godfather's eyes. He couldn't the pain was all too real for him to look at the man he respected so much.

Mason waited, waited for a response that didn't come. He gripped hold of Clay's other hand trying to get Clay to look at him. The part of Clay's face that he could see looked peacefully almost like the kid had fallen asleep in his chair. At first, Mason thought that maybe Clay's headache had started to fade or had gone but then his heart went into his month. Instead of opening his eyes as Mason had hoped he felt Clay's body slumped against his. The weight of Clay's body against his caused them both to fall from their seats.

"Clay? Clay?" Mason called, now scared that maybe he had just lost his godson.

But Clay didn't wake up. He made no sound. Mason, tried not to panic, but he could stop the worry from spreading throughout his entire body. He turned Clay over so he was holding him like a child. He was breathing, he could tell that as he felt Clay's lung expand and saw his chest rise and fall with each breath. Gripping Clay's face in one of his hands, he could feel that the kid was burning up. His head was sweaty and he could feel the kid literally burning up in his arms. The first thing that came to his head was that it was possible that Clay had gone septic. That there had been an infection that was missed. He had lost a few good friends to that but he wasn't about to lose his godson as well.

"I need some help in here!" He shouted at the top of his voice.

'No...no...no, this can't be happening.' He thought he could tell that now he was panicking. He can't lose him, Clay was like a son him. He couldn't lose Clay. Not like this.


	26. Results

Chapter Twenty-six

Dehydration. Exhaustion. And emotional stress.

That was it.

That was all the doctors could think of that would have caused Clay's sudden collapse mainly because they couldn't find anything else to explain it.

Clay's temperature was a little high, but not that much that it caused them to worry that his infection had returned. The base doctors had been updated on Clay's condition the moment Clay had left the hospital, well escaped the hospital. But as none one was about to order him back, the base doctors had been updated both by Trent and Naima on his condition from Jason's apartment. And had they had also informed the two of them that if they needed to get Clay medical attention quickly then to head to the base med bay as it was a lot closer to Jason's house than the normal hospital. Thankfully that was never needed until now.

Which his temperature only being a little high and the knowledge that Clay was still technically fighting an infection but still being on antibiotics, thanks mainly to Trent's careful eye, they weren't worried about it fully returning. However, the high temperature could be the case of his dehydration. As soon as they had rushed Clay into the med bay, they had immediately set him on some fluids and from what Eric could see at a very high drip-rate. Which told Eric that they were very worried about his hydration levels.

Eric had only just got back into the hallway to the room with one of the doctors that he had bumped into on the stairs when they had both heard Mason's shout. Eric still couldn't believe what he saw when they had raced into the room. Mason still had Clay in his arms, but thankfully the doctor that was with him was only concerned about the passed out Seal on the floor. Eric saw at that moment the fatherly figure that Mason was when he was with Clay. Eric knew that there was more to their story but as Mason outranked him he wasn't going to ask him. But also he had other things on his mind, like how he was going to explain all of this to Jason and the rest of Bravo.

Mason, as soon as the doctor was there for Clay he moved away allowed more space of the medical team to work on his godson but he also had clocked the look Blackburn had given him when he had walked in. As much as he wanted to be with Clay, to be by his side in the med-bay he knew that it wouldn't do the relationship between the team and Clay any good. They had kept their relationship a secret for a reason and he now didn't want to cause any problems between Clay and Bravo. He had gone with them as they quickly moved Clay to the med bay but then ordered Blackburn to keep him updated on Clay's condition and with one more look he left his godson in the hands of his new family.

After Mason had left Eric took his place right next to the door in Clay's room and watched as the medics moved around his Seal. The doctor in charge of Clay's treatment had ordered every test under the sun to make sure nothing was missed before. However, what he also said to Eric was that maybe they had rushed the debriefing. Clay hadn't healed enough to deal with all the emotional strain that debriefing had clearly caused him and was more likely the reason for the collapse but he couldn't be certain.

Eric was now more worried about what was going to happen when Bravo could out what had happened to Clay and not just the fact that he was now in a hospital bed in the med bay or the fact that during the debriefing the C.I.A had actually accused Clay of betraying his team. The last one, he just hoped the C.I.A agents had left the base because he had a feeling that Sonny would more likely go and hunt the man down and personally make him regret his comment. That, in turn, would cause him a real headache and a lot of paperwork, one of which he had already. And any more paperwork would cause him to wish he had another team.

Thinking about how Bravo would react to Clay's admission caused him to zone out a moment as he watched the doctors move around Clay. However, the unmistakable sound of Sonny's voice from the waiting room caused him to come back to reality. Bravo must have heard what had happened and by the sound of it, they weren't happy. Even the doctor who had been listening to Clay's heart rate looked up at him, whoever was out there was getting a real ear full from his men. He knew that by hiding in here meant he didn't have to deal with it but at the same time he felt sorry for the poor bloke that was out there dealing with a raging Sonny. After another minute of hearing Sonny's rant, Eric knew that he had to go out there before they stormed in here and upset the medical team. With a sigh and a glance back at Clay, he headed out to face the lions.

Jason and the rest of Bravo had just finished in the gym and were one their way back to their cages to wait for Clay to finish when they almost ran into Archie who had clearly been running. The only thing that stopped Archie from hitting the floor was Trent's quick reactions and grabbing hold of his arm.

"Woah, where's the fire?" Sonny laughed as the scene unfolded in front of him. He always gave their support team members a hard time but he did that with everyone. Even the members of Bravo. Sonny and Clay had a brotherly relationship which meant that they both hit off each other, some people would call their brotherly arguments a vicious fight that sometimes looked like it would easily get out of hand.

After Trent helped Archie keep his feet, he let the young man catch his breath. It clearly looked like the young man had been running for some time. Maybe the length of the base. Trent knew the look on the young man and knew that something had clearly happened that caused him to worry. He had trained Archie in the act of field medicine and knew that the man was as cool as a cucumber when it came down to action so to see the man so worried concerned him.

It only took a few minutes for Archie to catch his breath and nodded a thanks to Trent before looking up at the rest of the team. Now they all saw the worried look. Something was clearly wrong and it looked like Archie wanted to split it out at them but was stopping himself due to reactions unknown like he was ordered not too. But there was something within Bravo that made them a family, unlike other teams that family included their support team.

Ray knew straight away that whatever Archie was worried about was involving them. "Want to tell us what's going on?" Ray asked crossing his arms. He knew that he had added his 2IC tone to the question. He knew that the tone was known even to the support team and knew it was a little harsh to use on Archie but he wanted answers and sometimes his rank helped him.

Archie looked at him and with a sigh, he answered him. "I've just seen Clay be wheeled to medical."

And that was enough, he didn't need to say anything more and they didn't give him a chance too either. Without another word to Archie, they ran quickly past him and headed straight to the med bay. They needed to be there, for their brother. Fear now gripped all of them, they had all heard stories of septics setting in even when on medication. They were scared for their little brother. And they needed to be there by their brother's side. But also because they wanted to know why the hell Blackburn had allowed Clay to get so bad without ending the debriefing.

Trent's medical mind went to the worst-case scenario that could explain Clay's collapse. Had he missed something? Had he failed his brother again? He knew that Clay's injuries were serious but he was healing. He knew that Clay's arm needed to remain in the sling for a little longer but the bruisers had started to fade but the list of injuries Clay had suffered should mean that he was still in a hospital bed. Possibly still in the ICU. But that wasn't Clay, he was stubborn and tough.

As soon as they had gotten into the med bay, they were greeted by a young medical officer who did his best to stop them from entering the med bay. Sonny lost it at that point. Trent and Brock ended up holding their hot-headed Texan back as Ray and Jason tried to get someone out of the officer in front of them. Which wasn't much. All they could find out was that Clay had collapsed and was getting checked over.

A few minutes of trying to calm Sonny down Brock had lost his grip on his brother as Cerberus had started to growl at the young officer in front of them. Scared that his pup might attack the man he gripped hold of Cerberus' lead and dragged him back. Sadly Trent couldn't hold Sonny back alone and the man exploded for a second time. Ray had to quickly turn to grab hold of Sonny's arm before their brother punched the guy to get to Clay.

But before he could warn Sonny to back off did they finally see the man that they all really wanted to see. Blackburn. He walked out of the med bay and placed his hand on the shoulder of the young officer silently telling him to leave them. The young man looked more revealed and quickly headed through the door to which Blackburn had come from. Jason, however, was now even more pissed. He had left Clay in his hands believing that he would look after his man and here they were. He looked directly at him and tried his best not to straight punch the guy.

"What happened?" He growled knowing that if it was anyone else he would be facing a court marshall. But not with Eric and not because they were stood in the one place that he never wanted to be stood in again. Waiting for news on Clay, again.

"After the debrief, he went quiet, developed a fever. I went to get a medic to check him over when he collapsed." Eric started to explain, all of Bravo suddenly surrounded him and he knew that he had their full attention. He had flashbacks to Manila when Bravo had been waiting for an update on Clay after he had been blown up. He knew that he was missing out the part that Admiral Mason had been there but for good reason.

"The doctors can't find anything majorly wrong that could have caused the collapse, his infection hasn't returned. They did find was that he is dehydrated and physically exhausted." Eric reported placing his hands on his hips waiting for the comments and questions to start.

"Well, why didn't you stop it then?" Sonny snarled. They all knew what he meant as well. If Blackburn had seen that Clay was in trouble then why didn't he stop the meeting and end it before Clay got this bad? Why did it take Clay collapsing to stop it?

"We had already finished, he showed no signs throughout the debriefing. Only after." Eric explained before turning to face Jason who had looked down at the floor at the report. Eric at that moment knew that Jason knew more about what was happening with Clay than anyone. His 1IC had basically attached himself to the kid. Their relationship had grown even stronger over the last week and Eric knew that at the moment it was a good thing, however it worried him when Clay was cleared to return to active service. Would Jason be able to send Clay into danger when he now saw him as a son? It was something that they would need to address sooner rather than later.

Jason couldn't look at Eric and instead looked down and then back at the doorway to Clay. He knew Clay had been tired, the poor kid hadn't been sleeping well at all. His nightmares were slowly killing him. He knew that they all suffered from nightmares that kept them up at night but they could deal with them in their own way. But for Clay, everything was hitting him at once. The kid was barely able to get three hours of sleep every night. All Jason could see when Clay woke him up with another one of his nightmares wasn't his tough young Seal, all he saw a scared kid who had been betrayed. A kid. That was all he saw now. He knew that he needed to get his head on straight. He could see Clay as only just a kid or he would never be able to work with him again. How could he send the kid into danger when he saw the man like a son.

"How long has he not been sleeping?" Eric asked looking at Jason. He had heard from Ray that things weren't going that great at night with Clay. However, Ray hadn't given him too many details so now was the best chance to get the information that he needed.

Jason looked up at Eric to find looking right at him and he wasn't the only one. They all were. They all knew that Clay was having nightmares but it was only Ray and Jason that had dealt with Clay during his nightly terror.

"He's been getting a couple of hours a night thanks to the..." Jason started, trying to find the right words to tell them what was happening with Clay but didn't know how to tell them the truth. Clay was a real mess and he was only getting worse. Which was why he was glad that they had all agreed to talk to Clay as soon as possible to try to get the kid to heal. Even a little.

But before he could finish Ray told them whats some of them already knew. "...his nightmares are getting worse."

Jason turned to look at Ray with a scowl. He had wanted to explain everything first before going into the stuff that he was really worried about.

"They need to know," Ray added looking at Jason, he felt horrible keeping this from his brothers but at the same time knew that Clay had to be the one to explain everything as they knew only a little.

"How long?" Trent asked. He knew that Clay was having trouble sleeping, they all suffered nightmares but now the tired look that Clay was sporting for the last week made sense. The nightmares weren't getting any better, in fact they were getting worse. Over the last few night they hadn't heard Clay call out in his sleep so hey had hoped that he was getting better, that his nightmares were slowly getting a little less often. But he was wrong. They all had been wrong. He had truly failed his brother yet again.

"It's gotten worse the last few nights. He just wouldn't talk about it." Jason finally admitted, he hated himself for the tone he used but he couldn't help it. He was broken that he couldn't help Clay. The kid was reliving his captivity, again and again, every night without fail which was just another painful reminder that he had failed Clay. He had failed a man whom he needed to protect.

"We need to get him too," Eric stated. But then adding something that no one wanted to hear however was one of the few options they had. "otherwise we might have to consider admitting him back to the hospital."

Brock heard Sonny growl the exactly the same time as Cerberus who now stood like he was ready to stop anyone from taking his brother. His grip on his lead tightened and carefully he placed his other hand onto the part of the lead that was closest to Cerberus collar. If Cerberus did attack then at least he had a better chance of pulling his brother away from his target. Sonny moved at the exact same time as well, like he was backing Cerberus up.

"No one wants to do that Sonny," Ray said seeing his brother's movement. "But we can't sedate him every night."

Sonny knew that Ray was right and quietly backed down. They couldn't just sedate Clay every night just to make sure that he got his rest, that wasn't fair on Clay. Being trapped in his own head would be torture and to have his own brothers do that to him could cause their friendship to be forever destroyed. No, they couldn't do that to their brother. However, locking him away didn't sound like a good thing either. Clay wasn't dangerous. But in the back of his mind, Sonny knew what could happen if the wrong person was to wake Clay up from one of his nightmares. So far Ray and Jason had been the only ones dealing with Clay and only because they outranked him so if anything did go wrong then they could use their commanding tone to get him to come back to them.

"We aren't there yet," Jason argued. He wasn't going to give up on Clay. Never.

"But we are getting there Jason. Unless we can get him to rest properly and heal, he is a danger and not just to others but himself as well. We all know a lot of soldiers who couldn't deal with what happened to them..." Eric stated, trying his hardest to make Jason understand where he was going with this. He didn't want to think about it either but he knew that it was a possibility. They had lost a lot of brothers and sisters that way. Was Clay going to be the next one?

"No. Clay wouldn't do that." Jason snapped knowing exactly what Eric was getting at.

"He is not the same person you knew Jason. This has changed him, and until you all can see that, you are no help to him." Eric finished. Eric knew that this was going to be hard on all of them, but more so for Jason. The Clay they knew was already gone, he had been nearly completely destroyed by Zurkoff and Jones. Now they had to learn to deal with the new Clay. The man that they had saved. Because if they couldn't then Clay would have to be removed from Bravo for his own good. However, doing so meant splitting up a family, if that happened Eric hoped that he would be able to pull some strings that meant Clay would be with one of the other teams on base. He knew Alpha was looking for a new team member, and so was Delta.

But at the same time, Clay was Bravo's heart. The kid had changed them all, he had brought Brock out of his shell, challenged Trent, was a real brother to Sonny and at the same time a voice of reason. To Ray, he was a little brother who they needed to train to be the best but also another sniper who had his back when needed. And for Jason, he was someone who was so much like him it was scary. But at the same time, he was a challenge that he needed.

Bravo was a family and the threat been broken up always scared them. But something that they all fought against.

"Commander Blackburn." A voice from behind him cut any comment to what Eric had said and they turned to see Clay's doctor stood there.

All they could hope for was some good news. Even if it was only a little.

"How is he?" Jason asked. And the doctor just looked at him. Whatever news they got they would deal with together. As a family. They weren't going to abandon Clay, not again. Not ever.


	27. Waking Up

Chapter Twenty-seven

Numb.

That was what he felt right now. His whole body was numb and he knew that the numbing sensation wasn't just in his head, it was really happening. But from what he could remember he was thankful that he couldn't feel anything at the moment. At the moment however his mind seemed to be still functioning as it usually would, even if it was going a little slower than normal, it was still working. Even if he had no idea where he was or how he had gotten there. Whatever was happening with his body his mind seemed to be not affected as the moment. Wherever he was, something inside his head told him that he was safe. That he didn't need to worry about someone trying to kill him or attack him. He didn't need to worry. He had no idea how he knew he was safe but he did. Even though he couldn't see what was around him he was slowly working somethings out.

He remembered the moment before everything went black was that hadn't been alone when he collapsed. He remembered very clearly that right before he kissed the floor of the briefing room, his godfather had been right in front of him and caught him as he fell. That image both haunted him and also comforted him. He trusted the man with his life, even though he hadn't been in it very much. More than his real father anyway. But unlike his real father, his godfather actually gave a damn about him. He could remember lying there on the hard cold floor of the briefing room but wrapped tightly in his godfather's grip. He felt safe then like nothing could touch him. He knew that he sounded a bit childish but he didn't care. The man had helped him when he had just started out in the Navy. Had trained with him for Buds so he felt like he was ready to face whatever challenges being Ash Spenser's son. He also knew that he wouldn't be the Seal he was today without his help.

Thinking back to when he collapsed he found himself laid on something soft. Well, not too soft that he sunk into the material but he knew that he was not on the floor still. Also, there was a piece of material that was laid over his waist and his legs. He could feel the material underneath his fingers, it was soft but had a ruff texture to it. He had felt this fabric before...he knew he had. And then it clicked. He was either in a hospital room which would really piss him off as he hated being in a hospital all together or he was in the med bay which was better than the hospital but still he wasn't happy about it.

However, even though his mind was working it seemed to be the only thing that was working. The connection between his brain and the rest of his body seemed to be at the moment out of order. It was either that or his body was not cooperating at all. During the briefing, he had started to become unwell and felt like he had wanted to throw everything that had been in his stomach, which was very little, all over the table. And as time went on it was only getting worse. The pain hit every single nerve in his body with a fire-scorching pain and that in turn had caused him to feel the pain that only could be described as like having all of his limbs ripped out of their sockets and left to hang. Even breathing was painful. Every inch of his body screamed for the pain to stop. And thankfully soon after the pain had got to a level that he knew even Sonny would claim was too much did his brain finally said that was enough and shut down.

Now all he felt was the numbing wave throughout his body. But because he wasn't in pain anymore he felt like he couldn't just sit around and do nothing. That wasn't in her nature. He wanted and needed to move. Even a little. Mainly to juts move his head so see where he truly was and what was around him. However, there was a slight problem with his plan, well a really big problem, and that was the fact that his eyelids felt like they were attached to weights and locked down. It was like he was trapped inside his own head again and that scared him. His head was not somewhere he wanted to be trapped in again. It only caused more trouble for not just him but for everyone involved. But mainly his brothers.

His brothers. They were his family. But like a family, he knew that they were very overprotective of him and more so when he was hurt. He was worried about what they were doing right now because he knew that as soon as they had heard about his 'episode' then they would be camped out in the waiting room interrogating every member of the medical staff as they left the room. He also knew that they were more likely waiting for him to wake up before ripping him a new one for pushing himself so far and not listening to them. Clay just wished that one of his nice nurses would hit him with the good stuff right before they started at him so he was too high that he couldn't understand a word they were saying. Clay knew in his heart that his brothers would have done everything in their power to make sure that he wasn't in pain. But that was from outside forces, and wouldn't stop them from killing him for scaring them once again.

The debriefing. He knew that it was one of the reasons for him being in the bed. And he knew that his brothers were going to let him know that they hadn't wanted him to go through it just yet. Clay had thought that as a little odd to begin with as a debriefing meant closure, why wouldn't they want him to get the closure he needed on the op? Because only then would he be able to heal properly so he could move on and get back to the team. That was all he wanted to do. Be back with his brothers. In that, he was really kicking himself for accepting the op when he wasn't cleared for work. He had made everything worse. He had been so close to been signed off and able to return to Bravo but he had screwed it all up. Again.

He seemed to screw a lot up recently. Maybe the others would still be alive if he hadn't taken on the mission. He knew that it was silly. That Jones would have betrayed the team if he was there or not and maybe they would never have found out that he was on Zurkoff's payroll until it was too late. How many of his brothers and sister would have to lose their lives before they had worked out that Jones had been selling them out? Maybe it was for the best that he was there. He just wished that he had been able to save the others.

Thinking back to the team, he only hoped that their families could find closure in knowing that the man responsible for their deaths was dead. Even though he had only been with the team a couple of days he had found himself thinking of them as brothers. He had talked to Jimmy had talked often about his son who had been born with a rare heart condition but had so much life. Clay had also listened to Alex's and John's arguments over the laptop settings, it was funny to watch and reminded him a little of Sonny's and Davis' talks when the two ended up arguing. However, it was his time with Richie that he treasured the most. He reminded him so much of Richard, his old CO. It was sort of funny that the two men had the same name and were so much alike that Clay had thought Richard had been reborn in a way into Richie if they weren't around the same age. Working with Richie had caused Clay a lot of pain but also some joy. The two men were built the same, however, his old CO had broader shoulders than Richie. But what was the funniest thing was that the two men had the same look when someone was talking crap to them. Thinking back to his time on Chalk 2, he chuckled thinking about all the times Richard had sent him the look because he had said something that was either stupid or downright crazy or had wanted to say something that could get him into a lot of trouble. Normally that happened when they were dealing with an officer and Richard didn't want his number two in the Brigg.

The two men had kind hearts that weren't suited for their line of work. Their outer shell was hardened because of their jobs. Both were covered in scars of the close calls and near misses. Clay knew the stories behind some of Richard's scars and Richie had told him a story or two about his at night when neither of them could sleep. But their hearts were in the right place. Richie had also told him about his time within Delta, not mission details but enough to know that Richie had seen the worse of humanity just like him. However, Richie had told him something that he knew that he needed to remember. And that was when the job got easy and he started to the enemy in his dreams that he either got help or retire. Also to do the same if things got too hard and he felt like he was falling apart.

Those words had brought up Swanny a little. Swanny had lost everything and in the end, it had cost him his life. Something that Clay would never forget. He did blame himself for not seeing the signs any earlier and been able to stop Swanny from taking his own life. And he would have to live with that guilt for the rest of his life.

Thinking back to the debriefing and to his brothers, he thought back to how they had all reacted to the news that he had agreed and had personally asked for it to happen. He needed to learn what had happened before and after he had walked into the safe house. He had only seen Alex's body and for a short time, he had hoped that maybe the others had been able to escape but he knew that it was unlikely that they did. Zurkoff clearly didn't want him alive long enough to be rescued and been trapped in a sinking ship was meant to be his watery grave. So it was unlikely that he had left the team alive. He wanted to be there for their funerals but he knew that it was unlikely to happen. The mission was classified which meant even their families would never hear about what had truly happened. And that was the worst part of their jobs. Their families never knowing what had happened to them and sometimes they didn't even get a chance to bury them on home soil. However, they knew the risks when they had enlisted.

On the other hand, it was the rush that the job gave them that Clay really enjoyed. That and the brotherhood that came with it. The Seals were a family. Thinking about his brothers he knew that they weren't happy about his choice to go through with the debriefing but some of them at least understood.

Out of all of his brothers, he knew that Ray was really the only one that supported him. Ray and Clay had spoken at length a few days before Blackburn had turned up about how he was going to get back to the team. It had mainly been at night when he couldn't sleep, Ray had sat up with him in the living room. It wasn't about what had happened in Turkey but really how he was going to get started on his rehab without risking his healing. But mainly without Trent personally killing him for pushing himself too far. Ray knew what it was like to face the possibility of never returning to the teams due to an injury. Ray also knew how dangerous their minds were when given time to overthink everything. And he was there for him when he needed him to be.

Trent had agreed for him to go through with it however was worried about his health. Something that he knew would be brought up in his lecture that they were clearly preparing for him to wake up. He knew that Trent only cared about him and was a stickler for what they call 'Trent's health rules' both at home and in the field. Trent's rules around their health were golden and needed to be followed at all cost. He had broken that rule and knew that he was going to pay for it. One way or another.

Brock understood why he needed to do it and so did Cerb. Cerb had backed him all the way, even changing position in the room and sitting by his side as they told the rest of the team in the base car park. Brock, however, like the others didn't know if the whole thing was a good idea at first but supported him all the same. Thankfully Brock was one of his brothers who would support him even if it was a bad idea because he knew that Clay would support him if roles were reversed.

Sonny, however, had hit the roof. As he knew had would. He wasn't happy. Yes, Sonny was his closest friend and brother which meant that he was very overprotective of everyone but more certainly over him. Ray had promised to let him work out his anger on a punching bag instead of someone's face. Sonny hated not being in control and more so when one of their own was involved in doing something that he wasn't happy about. However, Clay knew that he was likely to get into a shouting match with him as soon as he could.

Jason wasn't comfortable with the whole thing at all, however, he wouldn't say anything to anymore about what was going on inside his head. Just like normal. Clay thought that maybe it was due to him going behind his back to Blackburn however he knew that Jason wouldn't have allowed it to happen. Not until he was certain that Clay was well enough to deal with both the physically and mentally problems that came with reliving the mission details. He knew that Jason cared for him but knew that Jason would be there for him if he needed him. And right now, he knew that he would need him. Not as his boss. But as a fellow Seal.

As time went on, his hearing started to come back to him. The sound of a slow and constant beeping that was coming from just above his head. It sounded familiar but at the same time was different. He guessed that with him being in a hospital room the beeping. Clay then heard something to his right, a sound that he also knew. The sound of a chair moving against the floor like someone had leaned back into a chair so much that it moved the back legs a little. Someone was sat in a chair right next to his bed, and then in the silence, he heard something else. The sound of typing came to mind. Like the person was typing something on their phone. From the speed of which they were going Clay knew that it was either Jason or Sonny. Neither of them could type very fast.

As he tried to open his eyes a little, he found it near enough impossible but he did it after four failed attempts. However, then he regretted. The sudden flash of light caused his head to explode. Doing that wasn't the best idea. His body was now not happy with his brain at all. Normally his brain had better ideas than his body. Normally it was the other way round and more so when he was out on the town with Sonny. His mind told him it was a really bad idea whilst his hand went for another beer. The sudden light and the pain couldn't stop him sending out a groan. He knew that in that moment that he had told the person next to him that he was indeed awake.

"Welcome back." A voice said causing Clay to sign again. It was Jason. Then the sound of Jason moving and the sound of a switch caused Clay to get even more confused. What was Jason doing?

"Try again," Jason said. Clay could only guess that he was referring to opening his eyes.

"What I do?" Clay groaned as he slowly opened his eyes again. He was in the med bay. Clay turned his head to face his boss who he guessed looked worse than him at this very moment. The man looked tired and stressed. Something that was plaguing him at the moment.

"Well, you tried to rush the briefing and ended up face planting the floor," Jason said leaning forward resting his elbows on the bed.

"What?" Clay asked, looking at Jason more clearly as his eyes started to focus more.

Jason signed and knew that Clay would likely not know or remember what had happened. But he had hoped that someone else had been here like a doctor or a nurse to tell Clay the technical terms that would describe what had happened. But no such luck. It was on him, again. "Docs say its a mixture of exhaustion, dehydration and stress."

"Oh," Clay said reclosing his eyes. He wasn't ready to have the conversation yet and hoped that Jason would leave it alone if he fell back asleep.

"These nightmares you are having..." Jason started to ask but Clay knew what he was getting at. It wasn't something either wanted to do but Clay knew that it was a conversation that needed to happen. They all knew that Clay's nightmares were likely because of what had happened and was something that they all wanted to know. However, on the other hand, they didn't want to push Clay too far that he broke completely.

"They're the same one," Clay muttered not opening his eyes again. He didn't want to see the disappointed look on his boss' face when he said it. He felt like a real failure, he was meant to be a tough Navy Seal that could deal with anything that was thrown at him and yet he couldn't handle this. He was such a loser. Just like his dad.

"Which is..." Jason started, he knew that it wasn't the type of conversation that he any of them enjoyed but it was something that needed to happen. "Clay you need to talk to someone... if that's not me then one of the guys..." Jason finally said looking at Clay's face carefully. He could see the pain in Clay's face as he spoke.

"I drowned... you weren't there and I just drowned," Clay whispered trying and failing to hold back the tears. He felt them fall from his eyes and ran down the side of his face. He was so weak. He shouldn't be crying but he couldn't help it. He couldn't stop it either. Just saying those words made it all so real. He could feel the water enter his lips and force its way down his nose. He was drowning all over again.

"But we were there," Jason said firmly and gripped hold of Clay's hand. Letting his kid know that he was right there and he wasn't back in that ship.

"I know," Clay whispered as he felt his emotion grip ahold of him even more. He hated feeling weak and more so in front of his boss but maybe this was long overdue. His emotions had finally gotten the better of him.

"But the feeling is still there?" Jason asked already knowing the answers.

Clay opened his eyes and looked at Jason and slowly nodded. "It's stupid." Clay chuckled and shook his head before looking away from Jason not wanting his boss to see his real emotion.

"What is?" Jason asked. He needed Clay to talk to him. Get this emotion that he had built up since he had remembered everything out. Before he exploded.

"I still can feel the water doesn't matter where I am I still feel it...reminded me of SERE training a little but it wasn't stopping the water kept coming." Clay said quietly. Even saying the words made it all feel real again. Like he was back on that ship praying for his brothers to come and save him. However in his nightmares that never happened. He slowly drowned and fell into the darkness.

Jason took in Clay's admission. Things were now making sense, now Clay had become so quiet lately. The poor kid couldn't work out where the dream was real or not. It explained the screams. Then an idea popped inside his head. Something that he knew he owned Adam for. "I want you to think about that again...the SERE training."

Clay eyes darted at him, with confusion written clearly all over his face. SERE training was the worst part of their training but something that Jason knew Clay was thankful for.

"Who pulled you out?" Jason asked gripping hold of Clay's hand and squeezed it tight like there was a force that locked them together. When Clay didn't answer straight away, Jason answered his own question for him.

"We did. Bravo. We got you out of that drum and we got you out of that ship. We are a family Clay, we pull each other out of the fire." Jason explained, all the while holding Clay's eyes. He needed the kid to understand that they were there for him no matter what happened or what he did. They were a family and no one was going to break that.

"But..." Clay started and Jason saw his lip quiver. The kid had doubts about them.

"No buts. We protect each other no matter what the other one has done in the past. We are family." Jason said with a lot of force the last bit. He needed the kid to see what he saw. That Clay was part of their family not just in the field but at home as well.

"I didn't want to bother you." Clay finally admitted. Clay knew that he sounded like a kid been told off but he didn't care. All of his emotion was too close to the surface to make his voice sound anything but emotional.

"Why?" Jason asked softly. He knew that the kid was close to completely falling apart in front of him so he needed to be careful. He wanted Clay to tell him what was running through his head but didn't want to make everything worst. But thinking back, maybe that was the problem because not talking was also for him. So he didn't have to deal with the fact that he had failed his kid again and again. Clay was one hell of a Seal and was going to make one hell of a team leader but yet again he had failed him. He had failed him after they had lost Adam and then Swanny and now again he was failing him. All the while the kid had been worried about bothering him? What was he thinking?

"You have your own crap to deal with," Clay muttered as he shrugged his shoulders. Hoping that Jason wouldn't keep pushing.

It took Jason a minute to get what Clay had said to him. Clay hadn't wanted to bother him with his own problems because he was worried about his problems. To be truthful Jason knew Clay was right. he crap he was dealing with was getting to him but looking after one of his own made him feel like he ha some propose again. Like he was making a difference. Emma was off at College and Mikey away at school he had nothing else to focus on but his memories. Things that he didn't want to think about. Alana. Adam. Swanny. Nate. Steve and the rest of Echo. All his lost brothers. He couldn't stop it.

"I don't care Clay. You come to me with anything." Jason ordered, he knew he was using his Master Chief's voice but he had no chose. He needed to get Clay to understand that he was always going to be there for him.

"I can't sleep." Clay finally admitted and once again he couldn't stop the tears from falling. He wanted to sleep, god he did but he didn't want to face the dream again.

"Can't or don't want too?" Jason asked, once again he already knew the answer.

"Both... I hate having to relive it again and again." Clay ranted. He felt like he was ranting but didn't care. He needed to get it out. Maybe he had kept this all in for too long.

"You're not alone," Jason whispered again gripping Clay's hand. They all relived things in their dreams and not all of them good. It was how they dealt with them that mattered and Clay wasn't dealing with them, he was letting them win. Clay nodded. He knew Jason was right, he had tried to fit it himself like normal. And like normal, he had failed at it.

"Good. That doesn't mean you aren't going to hear how stupid you have been lately." Jason said leaning back in his chair smiling at Clay with a smile that Clay knew meant he was in trouble.

"Any chance they can knock me out again?" Clay asked hopefully.

"Nope. Not happening. Better to face it now or Sonny might actually kill you this time." Jason said with a small chuckle before getting to his feet and looking down at his injured Seal.

"Would you let him?" Clay asked, actually interested in Jason's answer.

"I'm pissed at you too kid," Jason admitted but knew that Clay knew that they would never actually hurt him.

"I'm sorry," Clay said looking directly at Jason to make sure that his boss knew that he was serious about his apology.

Jason looked down and took Clay's hand back into his. "You were there for me when I lost Alana. You were there for me when I got hurt in the chopper crash..." Jason started but Clay interrupted him, he knew where Jason was going with this and he wasn't going to let him.

"Just doing my job boss." Clay stated. And he made sure that Jason knew he was serious.

"And so am I. You are my responsibility, Clay. It's my job to make sure you are ok and I've failed at that lately." Jason admitted, it was hard for him to admit that he had failed one of his men and more so to his face but he had too. That feeling had been eating him up ever since he had found out Clay was missing.

"No, you haven't," Clay said shocked at Jason's confession.

"Look where you are Clay." Jason started throwing his arm around the room to remind Clay where they were. Maybe if he had taken more care with Clay they would be at his place, enjoying Naima's cooking or some beers in the garden. Not in the med bay of the base waiting for the doctors to clear Clay so they all could go home.

"It's my fault. I knew I wasn't ready but I wanted to know what was happening." Clay finally admitted and knew that what he had said had answered a few of the guys' questions and hopefully he wouldn't have to repeat it again in front of them. 'I told you so' response he knew he would get from Sonny if he had heard that. Something that he didn't want to hear right now.

"Did you get your answers?" Jason asked crossing his arms. He wanted to know if Clay had finally gotten the answers that he wanted, maybe then he could find some closure.

"Yes and no... guess I will never know some of them," Clay said shrugging his shoulders.

"Good now... you ready for the guys," Jason said grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Clay groaned but knew there was no point dragging the whole thing out. "Guess so."

"Good because my phone has been going off every five minutes asking if you're up," Jason said pulling out his phone from his pocket.

Clay groaned again and knew that he was in for it now.

"Better you than me kid," Jason said with a chuckled before moving towards the door. This was going to be good.


	28. Brothers

Chapter Twenty-eight

Ray was tired, hungry and was now seriously thinking about getting the Navy to pay for more comfortable chairs for the waiting room. His back was killing him and his head was only getting worse. However, he didn't know what was driving him more nuts. Sitting in another waiting room waiting for news on one of his injured brothers. Or the fact that Sonny had been pacing the room for the last hour muttering comments about what he was going to Clay when he saw him. Yes, Clay had been stupid about pushing for his debriefing when he was not ready to deal with the fall out that came with it. Something that he knew would be a hot topic when they finally got to see and talk to Clay.

Trent had disappeared as soon as they had arrived at the med bay to go and find Doctor Greenfield, the doctor in charge of Clay's case, to check over Clay's results one more time. He trusted the base doctors with his brother and thankfully he had served with Greenfield before and trusted the man completely. He had also worked alongside many of the medical staff for years before now and knew that they could trust them with Clay's health. To be truthful with himself, the real reason for finding Clay's doctor was that he needed to personally know that he hadn't missed anything. He was so worried that he had missed something that had caused Clay's collapse. Had he failed his brother?

Ray hadn't said anything to Trent when he left the room because he knew that Trent wouldn't go far. He had a feeling he knew that what was wrong with Trent, was blaming himself for Clay being in the med bay. Trent had a good heart. And was an amazing medic who would do anything for his brothers however his brother seemed to take it to heart if one of them got worse when under his care. Even though it wasn't a fault. The blame was squarely set on Clay's shoulders. Something that they were going to straighten out as soon as Clay was awake and able to stay away longer than three minutes. However, he was worried that Trent could possible take the whole event wrong and start to doubt his own skills. Ray quickly made a little reminder in his head to have a word with him when he got back. After speaking to Clay.

Speaking of Clay, Ray turned to look at the door to Clay's room. Jason had taken the place of sitting and watching Clay in the hospital room, mainly because the doctors hadn't been happy with any of them staying with Clay. And Blackburn had only been able to get Jason in there because he was Clay's Master Chief and with Clay's history it would be better for someone to be with him that he trusted and knew was safe. Jason had been texting him a couple of times reporting in every time Clay had shown any signs of coming round. However, each time ended the same with Clay still out for the count. The doctors had said that Clay may start to fall in and out of consciousness before he actually came round.

He just hoped that he would wake up soon because he was going to be responsible for killing Sonny in the next ten minutes. Sonny wouldn't stop. He was driving him crazy. Thankfully Sonny was the only crazy brother he had.

At least Brock wasn't drinking him nuts. Yet. Their dog handler had settled himself on the floor next to one of the vending machine with Cerberus in his lap. Brock had always had a sweet tooth. And they had noticed that it came out more when he was under stress. When Sonny 'died' after been stuck in that torpedo tube they had admitted him to hospital, Brock had cleared out one of the vending machines in the waiting room. Clay had helped with that but not a lot. After Sonny had been given the all-clear by the doctors but orders to stay in overnight, Clay had taken Brock to the obstacle to work off the sugar rush he had built up.

Thinking back, Clay had helped all of them out when one of the others were in the hospital or hurt. When he had hurt his shoulder and wasn't speaking to Jason, Clay had helped him out a lot at home. Helped him redecorate Jameelah room when he had needed help removing her old bed and put up her new one. Clay was also great with his kids and he had fast became their favourite uncle. Which Sonny was not happy with and complained a lot about as he had been the previous favourite uncle.

He also knew that after Sonny's near death, Clay's apartment had become their second home for a long time after. They had become brothers and he knew that it didn't matter what Sonny said or did, he cared about his little brother a lot. And seeing him so ill and back in a hospital bed was killing him. Clay was like their glue sometimes. It was funny, Clay was the youngest and the newest on the team and yet they all looked to him for help with problems one time or another. Even him. Clay was a born-leader. A great Navy Seal and so much more. The kid was good, he couldn't fault him for that. The only thing that they found wrong with the kid was his lack of personal welfare and safety. They had enough evidence to back it up and being back in a hospital waiting room only proved it.

"What is taking so long?" Sonny finally growled and though himself into the seat next to Ray and threw his head into his hands. He hated this, Clay was his brother and now he was lying in a hospital bed not waking up. This was killing him. Clay had needed him and he hadn't been there for him. He must have felt so abandoned by them. They hadn't saved him from Zurkoff until he was technically dead. He was dead. He had no pulse. And wasn't breathing. He was dead. He had lost his little brother. Even now the man he had been looking after with the rest of the family wasn't the same kid he had called his brother and the person that had gotten him out of six-bar fights, two arrests and a night in the brigg. He owed the kid a lot.

"Sonny, Clay will wake up when he is ready," Ray said nudging Sonny's knee. He felt sorry for his brother. Clay was Sonny's glue, the kid had been good for him. Kept him grounded when normally he would explode in a fiery temper.

"Why not now?" Sonny demanded. He hated waiting. And more so when Clay was involved.

"I don't know why but he will be awake when he is ready and not before Sonny so stop asking." Ray finally snapped back. He hated snapping at his brother when he needed him at the moment and knew that as being their 2IC he should more supportive however he was as worried about Clay as he was. The kid had scared them. And he had a feeling that it wouldn't be the last time.

"Sorry," Sonny muttered, he pushed back in his seat and crossed his arms across his chest. He hated waiting more than he hated physic reports and swimming.

"It's fine Sonny. I'm just worried that's all." Ray said looking over at Sonny and then at Brock who was quietly listening from the vending machine with his phone settled in his lap.

They sat there in silence for a few moments, just thinking over things before Sonny couldn't help but start to chuckle to himself. Ray turned and looked at the man like he had lost his mind and he wasn't the only one. Brock looked up at Sonny with the same look as Ray, and so had Cerberus. Ray could have sworn that he saw Cerberus tilt his head as well with the same confused look.

"Care to explain," Brock asked wanting to understand what had happened inside Sonny's crazy head, he didn't normally want to know what was going on in Sonny's head but this time he did.

"Goldilocks gets under our skin doesn't he?" Sonny said with a little chuckle. And he wasn't wrong.

At first, they hadn't taken too kindly to Clay when he had joined the team. To be truthful, they hated him. He was Ash Spenser's son but that the wasn't the only thing. The kid was stubborn, full of ego, thought he was always right and liked to push the risks. He was so right for Bravo. And he had made them better. Not that any of them would admit it.

"Yer he does." Brock chuckled as he stroked Cerberus' neck. Cerberus just sat there, happy that he was getting praised instead of being told off. Brock knew that Cerb would go back to normal as soon as Clay was well enough to return to work or at least go back to their Clay. The kid they knew.

The kid got under all of their skins in their own way.

For Sonny, he was the little brother who drove him crazy but was also the person that he trusted the most out of everyone on the team. He was his drinking buddy and shoulder to complain too. He couldn't complain, wouldn't stop him until he was finished and often gave him some good advice about his problems or got him off to forget them. He was the person he trusted the most other than Davis.

For Trent, he was the challenge that he wanted and enjoyed. But also he was someone who wanted to learn so much, he would often ask Trent to teach him new techniques so he had a better chance of saving a brother if he was cut off from the rest of the unit. Trent had mentioned that he had guessed that something had happened that had caused him to want to learn so much.

For Brock, he was a brother who was the easiest to talk too. He listened and didn't judge. He also was always there for him if he wanted some company or if he wanted to get a drink with no strings attached. He had also helped him with things at home, like helping him relay his decking when he found that some of the wood had rotted. Also, Cerberus loved him. He was someone who wasn't scared of their attack dog but embraced him like another brother. Clay also was happy to babysit Cerb when he went away with his girlfriend.

For Ray, he was someone who challenged him in so many ways that he found difficult but at the same time was something that he enjoyed. The kid was skilled and not just with a sniper, was a true born leader. The kid was a hell of a Seal and had so much to offer that he was happy to help him. All Clay needed was a little guidance and a real kick up the butt sometimes to make that happen.

For Jason, he was like a son, brother and kindred spirit. Someone who he needed and he was someone who he needed. But at the same time, Jason felt a protective connection with the kid who wanted to belong. And he did. To them.

"But he is our little annoying brother," Sonny said with a small grin on his face. They all knew he was right.

"He is annoying," Ray muttered also with a grin as he rubbed his hand over his head and though his hair.

They couldn't help laugh at that. But it was true. Clay was just like a little brother to them all and someone who they needed to protect and train so he could live his life to the fullest. Clay was good. Which made their job a lot harder but at the same time Clay protected them like family and they did the same for him.

"Yer he is," Sonny said chuckling but then stopped. He had failed his brothers again, and he hated himself for it. He knew that it might sound like a broken record but it was the truth, Clay had bent over backwards to help him when he had been hurt or was having a hard time. He could read him like no one else and would do anything for them. But Sonny had failed to see that Clay was lying to them. And when he was hurt, they couldn't get to him in time to stop it.

Ray looked up and turned to see Sonny had that look in his eye which worried him. Normally Sonny only had that look when he had started to fall into his darkness. "What's going on in your head Sonny?" He asked. He needed to know what was going through his teammates head before he had to worry about another teammates trail of thought. He was already worried about Jason's, Trent's and Clay's. He didn't want to add Sonny's to the mix.

"Remember when I got stuck in that damn tube?" Sonny asked and took them all by surprise. Ray nor Brock wasn't expecting that to come out of his mouth. None of them liked talking about that mission, expressly Sonny.

They had nearly lost him that day and they all remembered it. Brock and Trent might have been at home but as soon as they had learned that their brother was in danger they had remained close to the radio. Listening to everything that was broadcasted to them by the sub and Jason. Ray hated thinking back to having to say goodbye to Sonny. Saying goodbye to one of his brothers, and having to listen to him die. And what was worse was the fact that it wasn't by enemy action but a stupid electrical fault. Their brother was going to die because of a fault.

"Yer Sonny, I remember," Ray said softly as he gripped hold of his brother's knee. They all knew that Sonny got emotional just thinking about that day.

"I told Clay that we were made for this job in one way or another but what if I..." Sonny started to say but couldn't finish. The emotion was getting too much. He didn't do emotion. Not ever and he was started to feel more pissed off at Clay more now than ever.

"This isn't your fault Sonny," Ray said with a tone that he often used when he was acting 1IC. He needed Sonny to believe him or at least trust him.

"I should have been there for him," Sonny said, he quickly covered his eyes not wanting to show his brothers that his eyes were filling with tears and it almost worked. Expect thanks to the wet nose of Cerberus forcing them away from his face, Sonny moved to see Cerberus stood in front of him wagging his tail at him. Cerberus always became more clingy when one of them was upset or hurt and this time was no different.

"You were." Brock's voice said from beside him and Sonny looked up to see that the man was now sat right next to him. He knew that Brock's words were meant to help him but at the moment they didn't. They just caused his wounds to sting a lot more than they did before. Wounds that were caused by seeing Clay so hurt.

"Not when he needed me." Sonny snapped back. He couldn't forgive himself until Clay forgave him.

"Sonny..." Ray started to say but Sonny quickly interrupted him.

"I know. I know." Sonny snapped back knowing that his brothers were trying to make him feel better but it wasn't working. He couldn't forgive himself. Not yet.

But before they could say anything else the door to Clay's room and all three of them looked up to see Jason in front of them. They shot up to their feet and crowded around their team leader and waited for him to speak. Ray knew Jason well but couldn't read him all that well when his emotion was locked away during a stressful time. Just like this.

"How is he?" Ray asked, hoping that Clay had shown some signs of improvements.

"He's awake..." Jason started to say but paused so they could take a breath. Thankfully Trent had arrived back as well so he heard what Jason had said.

"How is he?" Trent demanded. He had worried that maybe Clay's mind would be affected again.

"He's ok. Groggy but ok." Jason reported but before they could hound him more with questions he asked quickly. "Want to see him?"

A question that didn't need answering. They were ready to deal with their brother but at the same time, start to help him heal properly. But this time around, they were going to be right there for him every step of the way.


	29. The Real Problem

Chapter Twenty-nine

_'You sure he was awake?'_

_'Looks like he's back asleep now.'_

_'Why does he have sleep when we want to kill him?' _

_'Sonny he's properly just nodded off...'_

_'...so...'_

_'don't you dare Sonny.'_

The voices that surrounded him entered his ears and moved to his brain a little slower than normal, that it took him a little while to work out who around him. The voices sounded so far away from him even though he knew that the owners of the voices were stood right next to his bed. But he knew who the voices belonged too and why they were here. His brothers. His family. And he was in a lot of trouble with them. But at the same time, he felt safe with them around him. No one was going to hurt him with his brothers around him and he knew that as he was still on base then really he was as safe as they come but at the same time he couldn't get over the fear that he might wake up and being home was just a dream and he was back on that ship slowly sinking into the sea. His brother never knowing what had happened to him or bring him home.

Even without opening his eyes he knew that his brothers had surrounded his bed, cutting off any chance of escape that he could possibly find. That was if he could get out of the bed which he knew he couldn't even if he wanted too. His body wouldn't let him. He was so drained that his body was still recharging so he would have to take any punishment his brothers had in mind. And from what Ray had just said to Sonny he knew that his brother had something evil planned. However, thankfully he was on the base where Sonny was more restricted about what he was allowed to do and what he wasn't allowed to do. Like, set off flashbangs in the med bay in a way to wake him up. An idea that he wouldn't put it past his brother. If he tried to do that then he would have to deal with a very pissed off the Base medical staff and the security team.

However he knew that his brother meant well, he was just seriously pissed at him and he could feel the anger coming off the man. To his right, stood Sonny who was stood right next to his head and his heart monitor with Brock. When his brothers had entered the room, Clay had felt the bed sag as something jumped onto his bed and had curled itself into a small ball at his feet. He knew that it was Cerberus. Cerb had been very protective over him lately and would barely leave his side if allowed to stay. Cerberus had almost become his dog and was a running joke with the team now, Brock wasn't happy about it at first but knew that Clay needed Cerberus as much as Cerberus needed Clay.

On his other side stood Jason, who was back in his seat next to him with Ray close by. He could feel Ray's hand on his leg like he had to touch him in order to remind himself that Clay was still with them. Clay knew that Ray was blaming himself for something but had no idea what for. Every time they were together he had found that Ray had to have his hand on him nearly all the time. Either on his shoulder or his back, it was like he had to remind himself that he was still alive and there right in front of him.

He heard something strange at the bottom of his bed and knew that Trent was looking through his medical file that was sitting at the end of his bed. Trent being Trent, Clay knew that his brother would have already talked the ear off his doctors to see what was happening and what the tests had shown. He could hear Trent's mind working through each page of his file reading every single note that Clay's doctor had wrote. However, sadly that meant that Trent would have a lot more ammo to use against him so maybe he should just stay asleep. After a few minutes, he heard the sound of all of his brothers minus one took their seats.

But at the same time, he knew that he couldn't hide from his brothers permanently until they calmed down however that wasn't going to happen. They were pissed and he was just going to have to face it. Slowly he started to open his eyes but the room was once again too bright for him to deal with and so quickly closed them again. Thankfully he didn't make a sound when he opened his eyes because then he would have heard Sonny explode right in his ear causing his already painful headache to become worse.

For a second, he thought no one had noticed him but then he felt something move on his bed. Cerberus must have felt him flinch because now he was slowly moving up the bed.

_'Brock, what the hell is that dog doing?' _Sonny demanded. But got no response from Brock and Clay knew why as when he slowly opened his eyes he was greeted by the wet nose of Cerberus right in his face. Their eyes meet and he could actually see Cerberus smile at him. At least one of his brothers missed him, he even saw Cerberus tail start to wag so much that in Clay's mind the pup looked like he was going to take off.

"Hi Cerb," Clay muttered and he smiled at how happy the pup was to see him, slowly he turned his head but wished he hadn't as his eyes rested on Sonny because the man was pissed.

"Finally, you have decided to join us, Peter Pan!" Sonny demanded even getting to his feet to lean over on the bed to look directly at Clay.

"Sonny," Jason growled, sending Sonny a clear warning to back off.

"It's ok boss," Clay muttered as his hand automatically ran through Cerberus' fur coat. Cerb finally settled just off his chest but with his paws resting on his upper arm still enjoying the fact that his favourite brother was awake and enjoying been with him. He knew that Cerb would forgive him for anything as long as he played with him or fed him a treat.

"Want to tell us what has been happening?" Ray asked, cutting off Sonny from making any more comments to Clay. Ray guessed that Sonny wasn't going to stop snapping at Clay until they got at least something out of him about what was happening with him.

"Got dizzy. Next thing I know I'm kissing the floor." Clay scummed up everything that had happened. However, knew that he was missing out a lot of middle ground.

"You became seriously dehydrated," Trent added looking up from Clay's chart. He was pissed at the lack of self-care Clay had shown towards himself, the kid wasn't looking after himself and it scared him. Out in the field, he was responsible for all of their wellbeing and it was the same as at home. He didn't need to worry about Ray very much, but everyone else was fair game. But for their youngest members, he should have been more aware of the fact that Clay was struggling. They had tried to help him but at the same time didn't give him the real support that he needed.

"Have you been drinking enough? Less than normal?" Trent asked, flipping through Clay's file.

"Same as normal." Clay said clearly shrugging his shoulders looking down at Cerberus who had fallen asleep.

"Well, you should increase it for the time being. With everything you went through and the amount of blood you lost it will be safer." Trent added looking more closely at one of Clay's monitors which were monitoring his temperature as it had slightly increased since Clay had woke up.

"I know. I'm sorry." Clay said, knowing that he had caused his brothers a lot of grief. He was weak and needed to move on with his life but couldn't. And he was dragging his brothers into his own darkness.

"Not good enough Tinkerbell," Sonny demanded, he had held out long enough.

"I'm sorry. I am." Clay spluttered.

"We know kid but we need to talk about what has been happening," Ray said glaring at Sonny, daring him to say something again.

"What?" Clay asked turning to look at Ray, he was a little confused at what was going on. He thought that they would have a go at him for collapsing but he had a feeling that something else was going on.

Ray turned to look at Jason to see if he wanted to take over from him but from the look of fear that he got, he knew that he was on his own. With a sigh, he turned back to Clay who looked at this moment so much younger than he had before. "The nightmares you're been having." He finally was able to say but all the while watching Jason.

"Do we have too?" Clay groaned closing his eyes wanting to forget that his brothers were there.

"Yes. How often have they got?" Ray asked. He knew that Clay was more like Jason than they both would like to admit, and if he wanted Clay to talk then he had to approach the topic as he would with Jason. Straight to the point without letting him escape.

"Almost every time I close my eyes," Clay muttered angrily. He didn't want to discuss this with anyone. He was already a burden and a failure. He didn't been to be also a moaner.

Suddenly they were all watching Clay a lot more carefully. Alarm bells were going off in all of them. Ray and Jason both looked at each other with a sense of worry. They had no idea that things had gotten this bad with Clay and now they were worried that maybe they had failed Clay again. Another strict against them. Jason shook his head, why hadn't the kid come to them before it had gotten this bad? He should have seen it. He was the team leader and he was failing one of his men.

"Why didn't you come to us?" Jason said softly leaning forward so he was resting his elbows onto his knees without taking his eyes off Clay. The kid was worrying him. He had faced the pain that Clay was suffering now and it had taken him nearly falling apart and losing everything before he got the help he needed.

"You have your own problems to deal with, you don't need all of mine as well," Clay admitted rubbing his eyes with his hand, trying to stop his head from exploding.

"What did I just say to you?" Jason said, reminding Clay of the previous conversation he had with Clay.

"I know but it's true. I don't like being a burden on you guys." Clay said looking down at Cerberus again as he didn't want to meet any of his brothers' eyes.

"You're not." Brock exploded, he didn't like Clay thinking he was a burden when he wasn't. Clay was family. For Brock, he was someone who could talk to without having to worry about it getting out. The kid was like a safe when it came to other people's problems. He complained about everything to him, at first he had complained about Sonny once and the next day he had walked into the locker room waiting to duck as something heavy or sharp was thrown at him but there was nothing. Clay hadn't said a word. He was a good friend and at the moment he felt like the worst friend in the world because he hadn't seen his pain. None of them had.

"Yes I am, I can't even deal with my own fucking head." Clay spat as the anger within himself grew. Why wasn't his brothers seeing it? He was a mess.

"Clay, we all suffer from nightmares and sometimes we can't deal with them on our own. We need help. That is what the teams are for." Trent said crossing his arms with Clay's file in his hand still watching Clay's monitors carefully.

"I'm fine, just have to lock it all away again." Clay said shaking his head wishing that he was alone again at least he didn't have to argue with himself. Well, not a lot anyway.

"That's not health Clay," Trent added shaking his head but understood what was happening. Clay was trying to protect them, protect them from his own pain.

"Don't care," Clay muttered. Because he didn't. All he wanted to do was to lock what happened away in his head with all the other things he had hidden up there. His walls had become cracked leaving room for his memories to leak out and cause the pain he was feeling. He needed to start repairing them before the dam broke.

"We do," Trent said, placing Clay's medical file back into the folder as he moved closer to Ray hoping that they would say something to back him but everyone was still a little shocked about what Clay had admitted.

"Why? I broke the number one rule of the teams and lied to you." Clay asked; he had lied to his brothers. Broke the one rule that held them close and allowed them to fight alongside each other as a brotherhood.

"We get why you did it Clay but..." Ray said trying to get Clay to listen to him.

"Not all of us," Sonny muttered, crossing his arms glaring at Clay.

"Sonny," Ray warned.

"Sorry but it's true, why didn't you just tell us straight what was going on?" Sonny demanded almost screaming at Clay. He had held everything in too long, he had been worried at first and then the anger started to creep in. He was now so pissed at Clay that he couldn't think straight.

"Sonny!" Jason shouted he knew that Sonny had a lot of emotion building up but Clay didn't need this right now.

"Because I had to prove to myself that I can come back." Clay finally admitted. He personally knew that that was the main reason for his problems, that he would lose everything he had built. The family he had built.

"What the hell have you been drinking?" Trent asked and with a serious face.

"It's true. When I woke up in that hospital I was told by every doctor, every nurse and PT that I was never going to be able to return to the teams. That my career was over and I had to expect it." Clay finally admitted. He closed his eyes hoping that everyone was gone when he opened his eyes.

The room went silent. No one knew what to say to that, they had heard comments about Clay's condition when they were still deployed. And the comments hadn't been good. They had been told that Clay wasn't doing that well and with Clay not talking to them, they had all thought the worst. And now they knew what their brother had to deal with alone. The thought that would kill a lot of them, the thought of never returning to the teams.

The sound of someone getting to there feet and slamming of the door caused Clay to jump slightly causing his heart rate to hit the roof. He wasn't expecting it, he was back in the warehouse or on the ship. The sound of Zurkoff's men messing with him as they hit bats off the walls causing him to jump and flinch away from them. They use to laugh at him, call him names, hit him repeatedly and then tell him what they had done to his teammates and what they had planned to do to him.

He felt Jason's hand on his shoulder almost immediately. Something around his head was beeping a lot faster than it had been before the door slam. He heard Ray mutter something about going after Sonny and then door softly opening and closing again. He heard Cerberus cry and nudged his arm like he was trying to comfort him.

'We got you, kid.' He heard Jason repeatedly say as he felt Jason's hand run through his hair. It was calming. He was safe for now. From his own demons. But he had no idea how long that would be for until he fell asleep again without his brothers being there.


	30. Reality Check

Chapter Thirty

Ok. Sometimes Ray had no idea why he put up with his brothers when they were like this. He loved Sonny, he was his brother but at the ever moment he hated his brother. The way Sonny had treated Clay was wrong on all accounts but at the same time, he knew that his brother was hurting too. They all were. Which was the reason, well one of the reasons why he had gone after him. The other being to make sure that no one else got hurt if they ran into his hot-headed brother. However, the moment that he had left Clay's hospital room he found that finding Sonny was going to be a lot harder than he first thought. Their hot-headed Texan had vanished.

He had expected to see his brother pacing the waiting room again or kicking a bin or two but it was empty. His brother was nowhere in sight. It was like he had completely disappeared. Well nearly. If anything he had expected at least a trail of destruction behind him as he left however as he looked down the hallway he found that nothing was out of place. That didn't sound right for Sonny. Everything looked fine.

But as Ray made his way towards the exit he clocked a worried-looking lieutenant at the end of the hall and he could only guess that Sonny was to blame for that. Seeing a seriously pissed off Navy Seal storm out was a force to be reckoned with and more so when he was deadly quiet. He gave the young man a nod, just to tell him that everything was ok before heading out into the daylight. He had work to do, hunting down Sonny was not going to be easy but it needed to be done. So the hunt was on.

There were only a shortlist of places where Sonny would go but that didn't mean it was going to be easy. Thankfully their base med bay was only small and he was able to check each room as he headed towards the exit. The next place was the gym, it was full of other Seals and Navy personal but not Sonny. He had spotted Carlos, Delta's 1IC on the weights who had immediately stopped and headed over to him.

After a short chat, Ray had learned that Sonny hadn't turned up there but he would keep an eye out for him and call if he did. Ray was also able to give him an update on Clay, Delta had arrived home two weeks late but they didn't care very much. Clay was family after all. Carlos hadn't really spent much time with Clay however they both were aware that Clay and Delta's sniper Vincent had been spending time together when they were both home at the range practising. Another running theme with Clay. The kid loved helping others with their aim, the kid wasn't just a gifted sniper but also a teacher. Ray knew that they had Adam to thank for that as the man had taken Clay under his wing during Green Team and had moulded him into one hell of a Seal and team guy but also the kid was special. They all knew that. It was like the kid had been designed to be one hell of a Seal.

Thanking Carlos, Ray headed over to the locker room to find it empty. So were the range and the armoury. All of Sonny's normal haunts were a ghost town for their brother. The only places he hadn't checked were off base, but there was no way in hell could Sonny possibly get off base without him running into him as Ray knew that like them all, their keys were in their lockers so he should still be there. But he couldn't put it past him, Sonny in a foul mood was a force to be reckoned with. However, at the same time, Ray knew that Sonny wouldn't just leave like that. So he was still on the base somewhere. But the question was where?

He had no idea what was happening between Sonny and Clay but there were brothers. In every way other than blood. It was like the two of them had been cut with some of the same cloth however Clay's had been mixed with other fabrics that gave him a lot more control than Sonny. Clay was also able to calm Sonny more than anyone else. It was like Clay could connect with Sonny in order for him to control him a little however if something pissed them both off then everyone had to watch out. The two of them were a force like no other. They were unpredictable and that was what made them dangerous.

However, it wasn't just the connection that made them brothers, over time they both had started to change. It was like sometimes their personalities rubbed off on each other. Just little things but things that Ray had picked up on. Like Clay's type of music being one of them. He had found Sonny stealing some of Clay's music that he had kept in his locker but hadn't said anything as it meant that their stubborn Texan boy was growing as a person. And then it hit him.

He had to stop thinking about where Sonny would go if he wanted to be alone and think where Clay would go. That was even a shorter list than Sonny's. Clay found peace in only two places and one of which he had already checked. The other he hadn't. Clay always found peace when he was on a beach, alone and looking out onto the sea. They all knew that they had to respect the water as they knew the dangers of it but at the same time, Clay found peace near it. But personally, Ray knew that there was something very personal about the water for Clay, he just didn't know what.

Thinking back to one of their family team tips to the beach where the whole family was there, he noticed that Clay would often go off on his own and sit on the sand watching the waves hit. It was like Clay trapped himself into his own bubble when he had to be alone. He wouldn't speak to anyone when he was like that nor acknowledge anything around him. Whatever was running through Clay's head had him locked in his own world where the real world was stuck in a single frame. After the first few trips witnessing the same thing, he had called up Adam to see if he had noticed anything like this with Clay during Green Team but he came back with nothing. Adam had no idea what he was talking about but at the same time, Adam hadn't spent much time outside of training with Clay so they had no new information on that front. From Ray's point of view, Clay found something in the water that could get him to relax more than anything else.

When Clay was in his bubble, no one could get him out of it. Expect his kids, Jason's kids and Cerberus. That was it. None of the team nor their partners could get Clay back to reality. It was strange, they had tried on occasion but hadn't succeeded yet. It was like he would trap himself in his own head without becoming a danger. One of the funny moments when Cerberus had brought Clay out of his bubble was when Cerb after chasing his ball into the water had gone to Clay instead of returning to Brock. It had confused them all and all they could do was watch. Cerb had trotted over to Clay dropping his ball close to him and then shook, spraying Clay badly. They had all had a laugh at the scene which ended with Clay throwing the ball directly at Sonny who had sent a smart mouth comment back at him.

And so he headed towards the beach. With the training they did on the sand, the military had cornered off part of the beach from the public which meant that they were unlikely to be disturbed. Green Team weren't scheduled to use the beach for another week so Sonny was likely to be alone. A good place for a serious talk without someone coming across them.

Within fifteen minutes, he was on the beach. It was empty at first look, as looked more closely he found his target. Sat a couple of feet from where the waves came to rest was Sonny, his hat at his feet like he had thrown it off in anger as he sat on the sand. As he got closer, Ray saw the full effect that Clay had on his brother, something that he didn't like showing any of them, his own pain. Ray could see it clear as day, his brother looked broken.

They all had been shocked by Sonny's reaction when Clay had finally admitted what had been slowly destroying him. But at the same time, it hurt them all. Clay had been so worried about letting them down or causing them grief, that he had hidden what the real problem was in order to spare them pain. Something that had become a running theme with the kid ever since he had joined Bravo. But it had been that, of course, made them all mad at him. He didn't have to worry about them when he was himself so broken. Ray didn't understand why Clay thought that he needed to protect them when all they wanted was to be there for him. But what scared them as was how Sonny had reacted to the news. He had all but attacked him. Not physically but Ray knew that Sonny's words and attitude had affected Clay. He had caused the wounds the Clay already had run deeper. Sonny had hurt their brother and Ray couldn't let that stand. He wouldn't then and he wouldn't now.

Ray understood the anger, they were all angry at Clay for what had happened and the fact that he had lied to them but unlike Sonny, the rest of them understood why. Clay had been handed a mission and people believing in him that he could return when he had been told by so many people that he wasn't ready or was unlikely ever to return to the teams. A chance to fight again. Something that he would have jumped at when he had been benched with his shoulder and if that meant lying to his brothers about doing so then he would do it in a heartbeat. He would hate himself for doing it but he would. Because that was who he was, it was who they all were. They were soldiers. They lived to fight. Not sit by and let others do so.

But now he couldn't think about himself. He needed to focus on the problems ahead, the problem that was sat in front of him. Something that could cause future issues within the team. The friendship between two brothers hung in the balance and if he could get them on the same page, then it was likely that they were going to lose one of them. Something that they didn't want. Sadly, it was with the two of the most stubborn Seals he had ever known, but thankfully, only needed to deal with one of them at the moment.

Moving towards Sonny, Ray knew that he had to get his own personal anger under control before he faced Sonny. He didn't want to set Sonny off by getting defensive with him when all he wanted to do was to yell at him. Even drag him back to the med bay and get him to apologize to Clay for his attitude. But he couldn't do that, he needed Sonny to go to Clay himself without feeling that he was been forced too, that was how Sonny worked. And thankfully Ray had a few years dealing with the mad Texan.

Ray had gotten within touching distance before Sonny looked up at him. He felt the emotion drain from the man in front of him and he could tell straight away that Sonny had been crying. His puffy red eyes gave him away. Something clearly was going on with Sonny just like something was going on with Clay. And like Clay, Sonny needed to get out whatever was causing him pain. Ray needed to get him to talk and soon before he exploded on someone else. Or worse, Clay again.

Sonny didn't say anything as Ray sat down next to him, he just looked back out into the sea. He didn't want to talk to anyone. All he wanted to do was to drink himself into oblivion and try to forget everything but knew that Ray wasn't going to leave him alone. Not till he talked. And he hadn't brought any beer with him either.

"Want to tell me what that was that all about?" Ray asked softly, looking back out to sea just as Sonny was. He didn't want to ambush the man because he knew he would shut down but at the same time get him comfortable to talk. Well, that was the plan anyway.

Sonny sighed, he knew that Ray was not going to leave things alone and he didn't blame him, he had been horrible to his little brother but at the same time didn't want to explain himself because personally, he didn't know what was going on with him. He had no answer for them. "I don't need your religious-philosophical conversation right now," Sonny said clearly, not even looking at Ray as he said it. He couldn't.

Ray sighed at Sonny, he knew that his brother was unlikely to admit that he was having problems or even talk openly about what had happened to cause him to attack his own brother. So he was going to have to make him. "Ok..." Ray said shaking his head. Sometimes he hated how stubborn his brothers could be, but what he hated more was that Sonny had called his advice religious-philosophical which was a big word for Sonny and really he should be proud of him for saying it but he knew where it had come from. Clay. Another habit he had picked up from their youngest team member. One of the other habits he had picked up from Clay was something he had seen one day after a long day of training. Ray had forgotten something and after everyone else had left he had gone back to the locker room to find Sonny sat in his locker reading. Reading an actual book. But at the moment that wasn't important. Right now, what he truly needed was Sonny to shut up long enough to listen to him.

"What my Seal-brother talk then?" Ray asked glaring at Sonny as he felt his anger start to build again. "Fine. What the hell were you thinking? Having a go at Clay like that? Hasn't he suffered enough without one of his brothers attacking him as well." Ray exploded; he had no idea what the hell was going through Sonny's head but he wanted answers. And he wanted it now.

"I'm pissed." Sonny barked, gripping hold of his hat in his hand and scrunched it up like he wanted to rip it apart. To be truthful to himself, he was regretting having a go at Clay the way he had done but at the same time, knew really why he felt the way he did. He was angry. He just didn't know what to do with that anger.

"Got that detail Sonny. Loud and clear." Ray said with a scoff. It was clear to everyone that Sonny was pissed. But what Ray wanted to know was why he was projecting that anger onto Clay. "What I want to know is why are you so angry at Clay?" Ray asked turning his body to he was looking at Sonny side on, he needed to know what had happened between Clay and Sonny so that the team could go back to normal when Clay was cleared to return.

"Aren't you?" Sonny asked looking at Ray with some disbelief that Ray wasn't feeling the same. Or at least some of it.

"Maybe..." Ray started turning back to watch the sea, he took in a long breath before starting again, "but my anger isn't fully at Clay. He just did what he was ordered to do. Can't be angry at that, I'm more pissed at Jones for betraying him and Zurkoff for hurting him." Ray admitted, in a few moments of silence, watching the waves, he knew why Clay found peace looking out onto the sea.

"Why's that?" Sonny asked a little confused at Ray's statement. Yes, they were all pissed at Jones, Zurkoff and Mason for their roles in the failed mission. And it wasn't a surprise to him that Ray wouldn't say a bad word against the Admiral but the man had played his part in the mess they had been ordered to clean up. But at the same time, Ray should be pissed at Clay for leaving them in the dark. He had lied to their face. Told them that he was going away to heal but instead he had gone right into the fire without backup.

"Cause I get why he did what he did," Ray admitted shrugging his shoulders. He had no idea where Sonny was going with this but if it meant his brother started talking then so be it.

"What?" Sonny looked at Ray now really confused, even turning his body so he could look at Ray more carefully. The teams were family and that meant there had to be a level of trust there so they could operate the way they did. And to learn that one of his brothers would openly lie to him meant that something was completely out of wack. And he didn't like it.

Ray sighed but kept his eyes on the water. "When I was sidelined with my shoulder and Jason was... well, being Jason, I felt left out. I was alone without my brothers. And to be truthful I felt betrayed. That you guys were off doing the job that we all loved when I was stuck at home waiting to hear that you guys were ok. That you all were coming home." Ray admitted shaking his head because admitting the pain and anger that he felt for his closest friend caused him to hate himself. But also the worry he had felt when he had seen Bravo take off without him. Questions that had plagued him like would all his brothers come back? Would any of them come back hurt? Now he knew what their partners went through every time they deployed.

"Jason was being a dick then," Sonny said with a snark in his voice. He never agreed that the way Jason had treated Ray but got it at the same time. Ray had lied to them and had risked all of their lives on the ops that they had done since they deployed. So he got it, he just didn't like being out there without Ray as 2IC. Yes, Clay did a good job when he had kept Ray's seat warm but at the same time, it scared him. Clay was a born leader and one day they were going to lose him to another team which was a day that he was scared would come too soon. Every team wanted Clay, they had all heard the team talks when Clay was in the draft. Every DEVGRU team wanted him, it didn't matter who he was related too, he was one hell of a Seal. An asset to any team but he belonged to them. He was their brother and they weren't going to let him go without a fight. No matter how much he hated him at this very moment, he wouldn't let him go.

"Maybe he was but he was right. I lied to him and it cost a little boy his life. I risked all of your lives. And it's why I get Clay and why he did what he did. When you can't get back into the action when you wanted too, you will do anything to get back into the action. If someone came up to me and offered me the chance to get back into the action then yer I would take it, without a second thought." Ray said, knowing that admitting that he would openly lie to his brothers if it meant returned to action was worse than hiding his injury from them.

"You would lie to us again?" Sonny asked shocked that Ray would say that, but thinking back Ray had lied to them. Lied right to their face saying that he was fine when he wasn't. Risking all of their lives because he didn't want to miss another mission. But this was different. Clay had lied to them about going on a mission that was completely fucked right from the beginning. Lied to them when they all knew he wasn't cleared to operate and yet he had agreed to go.

"If it meant being back in the action, then yes," Ray said turning to face Sonny once again. They lived for the action, they all did and when that was taken away from them, it hurt. It destroyed them. Which was why they were the best because they lived for the action.

"No, you wouldn't." Sonny chuckled shaking his head at the thought. Ray wouldn't lie to them again, he couldn't believe he would. No again.

"Sonny unless you have been in mine and Clay's shoes then you wouldn't get it," Ray muttered shaking his head. He knew that maybe Sonny would never understand why Clay had done what he had done but hopefully, maybe he could get him to see it. For Clay's sake. But really for all of their sakes.

"Whatever," Sonny muttered putting his hat back on muttering something that Ray didn't catch and turned away from Ray and looked back to the sea. However, Ray knew now what was really happening with Sonny, it made sense now. Their tough Navy Seal was worried and scared but, not for himself. But for their brother. It explained everything, Sonny didn't know where to place his anger and his worry had caused him to mix the two emotions up.

"He is going to be ok Sonny." Ray finally said turning to look at his brother once again, gripping hold of Sonny's forearm. He knew that underneath all that anger Sonny was just scared that they were going to lose their brother. Last time was bad enough when Clay had been hurt in Manila but this time it was worse. Because they hadn't been there for him when he had been hurt. Did Clay think they had abandoned him when he was in that warehouse or the ship because they didn't get to him fast enough? How would that affect Clay and relationship within the team? Would he want to come back?

Now Ray knew what was floating around Sonny's head. He was scared Clay would leave them. That was not going to happen. Not if he had anything to say about it.

"Is he?" Sonny asked; Ray could hear the emotion and the hurt in Sonny's voice. He was hurting. Sonny was so scared that they were still going to lose Clay that he had no way of controlling his emotion.

"You heard the doctors brother, he is going to be ok. It is going to take time but he is going to be ok." Ray repeating what he had said to the others, he knew that he was also trying to convince himself too. Clay had been hurt pretty bad and the recovery time was going to be painful for them all. It was likely that they would be spun up without Clay again soon. If it hadn't been for Harrington and Blackburn they would have been already. They had a lot to be thankful for.

"His body may be but his head is seriously messed up. We can all see it." Sonny said shaking his head at Ray's words. They all knew that Clay was suffering both mentally and physically but over the last few days more mentally. However, sadly both of them could end Clay's career in the teams and the Navy. Something that none of them wanted to think about but it was true. All it would take was one doctor or shrink telling the Navy that Clay was done and that was that. Clay was done.

Ray sighed and tapped Sonny's forearm again. "You got to remember Sonny has us now, we're going to be there for him. To help him with dealing with all of his ghosts just like we helped you after the sub incident," Ray said before he removed his hand from Sonny's arm and quickly started to rubbed them together. A northerly wind had started to hit them and he was feeling the cold. The cold weather, however, caused him to remember the cold sensation that had started the moment they had found out that Sonny struck in a tube that was filling with water. They had to listen as their brother slowly drowned knowing that they could nothing to help or ease his pain. Something that he never wanted to relive again.

Sonny nodded, remembering the feeling of dying start to come over him again. "Blondie helped me the most, the damn kid wouldn't leave me alone for the second after I got released from the hospital," Sonny said trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. All of his brothers had helped him when he had gotten home but Clay had been the one that never left his side.

"I remember," Ray said, he remembered that as soon as the doctors had given Sonny the all-clear to go home and after a long talking too about what he could and couldn't do, Clay had become glued to his side. Wouldn't leave him alone. Even camped out on Sonny's coach until he had been cleared to return to the team. But it was when Clay was camping out in Sonny's apartment did the fun began. Not then but thinking back definitely.

Ray smiled and then turned back to Sonny with a chuckle. "I also remember you threatening to kill Clay in some serious and violent ways if we didn't get him out of your place, also told us that we would have to deal with the mess afterwards," Ray added and smiling even more when Sonny pulled a face as he remembered what his little brother had done for him and what he had said. Ray chuckled to himself again as he remembered all of Sonny's late night or early morning phone calls. Naima had come very close to killing Sonny if he had kept it up any longer. She had muttered something about hating him as she turned over as he took the calls.

Often Naima heard exactly what Sonny said because their crazy brother would often scream through the phone. Thinking about one of the calls, it had been 3 am in the morning and on the fourth night in a row that Sonny had called him yelling that if he didn't get Clay out of his place then he was going to chop Clay into little pieces and bury him all other the country. However, Ray knew that if Clay could survive months living with Sonny when they were deployed then he could survive staying with him at home. And he knew that Sonny would never kill Clay or hurt him in a way that could lead to death. But the phone calls had become annoying.

"I remember that. The kid was there for me when I needed him even when I didn't want him there." Sonny said with a chuckle remembering the weeks Clay had spent with him. The kid wouldn't leave him alone. Would go wherever he would go, Clay would go. He had been so horrid to Clay all the time he was there and had said some things that he wished he hadn't but Clay didn't hold it against him. Hadn't even mentioned it.

"At the time, you wanted to kill the kid but in the end, you knew that he was only there to make sure that you were ok," Ray said fondly. It was the one time that he didn't need to worry about Sonny because he knew that Clay would be there for their brother when he needed him. He had been proud of the kid for standing up and looking after his brother when he needed him. But mainly it had been the only time when they were home that he didn't need to worry about getting a call from the local police or the MPs telling him that Sonny had been arrested for fighting. A habit that Sonny had been known for, but thankfully they had been able to nip a lot of problems in the butt before things got too bad that it would risk Sonny's place on the teams.

"Little bubby wouldn't leave me alone for one god damn seconded," Sonny said laughing. Those were good memories but at the same time, he hated himself for what he had put Clay thought. And now the roles were reversed, Clay had needed him but he hadn't been there for him. He had abandoned him. Just like Jones. He was no better than the traitor.

"But you needed him," Ray said looking at Sonny carefully. The man was full of surprises, just like how Sonny and Clay had come so close, that the two of them had become inseparable.

"Yer, I guess I did," Sonny said. He hated admitting that he needed help but he did and Clay had been his saving grace.

"And now Clay needs you like you needed him back then," Ray said nodding to the fact that Sonny had just admitted to needing someone but at the same time reminding Sonny now that Clay was the one that needed him now. Clay was the one that was in pain and needed his brother to be there.

"How can he forgive me after what I just did?" Sonny said looking down at his hands that were shaking once again. He had started to believe that maybe he destroyed everything he touched, his relationship with Clay being one of them. Would his brother ever forgive him? Because if he was Clay, he wouldn't. He would tell himself to fuck off. But that wasn't' Clay.

"Come on Sonny..." Ray said shaking his head. But before he could finish Sonny jumped in.

"No! We all know how hard it is to get Clay to trust anybody." Sonny snapped throwing his hands in the air before resting them onto his head. He pulled his knees up and rested his elbows on his knees. Closing himself off from the world. "Come on it took us months to get the kid to trust us," Sonny argued and he knew that Ray understood what he was getting at but knew that he wouldn't let it go either. Clay didn't trust easily and when the trust was broken it was hard for it to be rebuilt.

"Sonny..." Ray groaned knowing that Sonny wasn't going to listen to him, the only person he was going to listen to was Clay. But he had to get Sonny to the point that he felt ready facing Clay again. Even if it took him a little more time to talk to Clay properly but even if he stepped back into Clay's room he would be happy.

"And I just blow our friendship out of the water because I'm too pissed off at everything." Sonny cried out shaking his head and allowed his head to fall into his hands this time once again. He was losing his best friend and brother all over again. He had lost Danny and now he was losing Clay. He couldn't deal with losing anyone else. He wouldn't survive it.

"Sonny..." Ray said gripping hold of Sonny's forearm. "Clay will forgive you," He needed his brother to listen to him. Or at least started to forgive himself for what had happened.

"You don't know that," Sonny admitted, he knew that his voice told Ray that he didn't truly believe him.

Ray knew that Sonny was right. He didn't know if Clay would ever fully forgive Sonny for what he had done but at the same time, he knew Clay. Clay cared for his brothers and he knew that Clay would understand why Sonny had acted the way he had. The pair sat in silence for a while, both caught up in their own worlds both watching the waves lick the beach. The wind was still blowing but had dropped for the time being. All of a sudden a thought came to Ray's mind and he could help but chuckle at the thought of it. This caused Sonny to look at him with a worrying expression like he had lost his mind.

Ray shook his head before speaking. "You and Clay are the most annoying pair of Seals I have ever met. You two are responsible for most of mine and Jason's grey hairs." Ray explained shaking his head still shaking his head laughing.

"Sure that's not coz your both old?" Sonny asked with his normal cheeky grin.

Ray turned and glared at Sonny before punching his upper arm. "Haha very funny." At least he was seeing their old Sonny back, even just a little.

"Truth hurts," Sonny muttered, earning himself another punch but couldn't stop himself from laughing.

"Thanks." Ray started still shaking his head but also made a note to let Jason know Sonny was hurting too. They were going to have to sit down as a team and talk. Something that they didn't normally do but it needed to happen if they wanted to return to active duty as a team. But they all needed it. Sonny and Clay weren't the only ones. They all did.

"You two are so like brothers it's scary. You are going to fight and argue like no one else I have ever meet who wasn't married." Ray said adding a smile when Sonny pulled a face about him and Clay being compared to a married couple. "Remember when Clay first joined us? You hated him. At times we thought that maybe he would say something to set you off and you would go for him." Ray said gripping hold of Sonny's arm again. He needed to get his brother to see that he was not to blame for Clay's injuries nor his suffering.

"You really thought I would do that?" Sonny asked looking at his brother in disbelief, he would never hurt one of his brothers without a really good reason. He had fights with them and he had remembered that he had punched one or two of them on occasion but drink had always been involved.

"Sadly yes. Sonny, sometimes we think you let your anger lead your head. And that can be dangerous which you know." Ray said, looking at Sonny knowing that his brother knew that he was right Sonny knew that Ray was right but to think that he would physically attack one of his brothers just because of his anger scared him. It also caused him to look more closely at himself than he had ever done before.

"I wouldn't attack Clay," Sonny stated and made sure that he put as much power behind his words than ever before. He would never hurt this brother, he couldn't. Not after all Clay had done for him. But at the same time knew that Ray didn't just mean physically.

"I don't just mean physically Sonny," Ray said sadly. He allowed his head to drop a little. He couldn't look at Sonny as he said those words, he knew that he was hurting his brother saying it but it needed saying. Sonny had hurt Clay mentally without even noticing.

"I know," Sonny muttered also dropping his head in shame. Maybe Clay would be better off without him? Maybe Bravo would be better off without him being there?

"You need to talk to him, Sonny. Clear the air." Ray said it was the only advice he had now. Whatever was going on between the two of them, they needed to be the ones that sorted it out. And they had to do it alone. Maybe not now but sooner rather than later.

"I will," Sonny promised looking up and meeting Ray's eyes. He wouldn't fail his brother, not again. He couldn't.

"Good. Because he is going to need you, Sonny. You are the one he trusts the most, so he is going to need you now more than ever." Ray said patting Sonny's shoulder knowing that Sonny meant his words. Mainly because if he didn't, he knew that there would be a lot of people to stand in front of him and tell him how stupid he was being. Repeatedly. Some angrier than others. Ray got to his feet, he had started to lose the feeling in his legs and he had started to get cold. They would have to head in soon anyway as the sun had started to set. It was getting late.

"I don't deserve it," Sonny muttered, he didn't deserve Clay's forgiveness or friendship. Not after how badly he had treated him. He had failed to be the big brother that Clay needed. He was just like every other Seal or Navy personnel that saw his last name, he had judged him without giving him a chance to explain himself or even hear him out about what he had to say. He had turned his back on him and for that, he couldn't forgive himself. And guessed Clay wouldn't either no matter how much he begged for forgiveness.

"Maybe. But only you can fix it." Ray added with a tone that told Sonny that there was a lot more to play than just their friendship. And they all knew it. The future of Bravo was at stake. If they couldn't go back to being the Navy's best Team then there was a real possibility that they would lose Clay forever. In fact, they were all at risk. Bravo could be split up because of this and then they would all be screwed. Thinking that maybe Clay would return but to a different Team snapped something in Sonny. He was not going to be the reason their family was torn apart. No. He wouldn't do that to his family. They were everything to him and what kept him going. Whatever problem he had with Clay, he was going to personally work on fixing. He couldn't lose another brother.

"I know," Sonny said turning his eyes back to the sea.

He was going to fix this. Whatever it took, he was going to fix this.


	31. We good?

Chapter Thirty-one

Sonny sat alone, alone with his thoughts sat on the hard cold sand of Virginia Beach.

Ray had left him over an hour ago without a word as he left him there. He had a lot to think about before he could find the courage to man up and go see Clay and apologise to Clay for his attitude. Hoping that it would be enough to fix their broken relationship. But right now, he wasn't ready. He needed to get his head sorted out before he was ready to face his brother, but he didn't know how to do that.

Ray had been right, even if he didn't want him to be nor would he ever admit it to his face but he was right. He wasn't ready at this current moment to go anywhere near Clay or any of his brothers. He was angry. Pissed even however unlike before, he had no output for that anger. No target to focus on or a method to help deal with it. Yes, he could go to the bar and drink himself into a coma and he wanted too, but as he took a step towards the bar, there was a little voice inside his head telling him not to do it. And so far, that annoying little voice had won. He always thought of voice being as Clay, it reminded him so much of his little brother that the hurt of almost abandoning him again plagued his head and heart.

But at the same time, hearing Clay's voice inside his head gave him a little comfort. He missed his brother, someone who he saw as the person that he was responsible for both at home and on ops. But at the same time, Clay allowed him to be more himself instead of the hardened Seal that everyone else saw him as. With Clay, he could relax and there weren't many people who could get him to do that. There was only three. Clay, Lisa and Danny. But now on Bravo, he counted on Clay a lot more than he should which was why nearly losing Clay in Manila nearly broke him.

And worse, he had been the one to find him. Laying there in the street with no shoes. That was what Sonny had focused on when he first saw Clay. Clay had been physically blown out of his shoes, he had found them right next to the vehicle that the bomb had been under. He had to pick them up, he couldn't stop himself. Clay may want the back. That had been his thought, which was stupid to think about now. Clay had been blown up why would he want to get his shoes back? However, he had kept them with him, right until they had been given the all-clear to return home. Right before he had boarded the C-17 he had finally said goodbye to Clay's shoes.

The other thing that had stopped him in his tracks was the blood. His brother's blood was dripping from Clay's legs onto the ground below him. Clay's legs had been blown to hell from his point of view and that only became more clear from the look in Trent's face. The look of fear. And it was then that Sonny knew Clay was in trouble. Normal when one of them was hurt Trent was a man of ice, cold headed and ready to treat his brothers when the time came. And sadly in that street, Clay needed Trent more than anyone.

As soon as their brothers had arrived, more likely hearing Sonny shouts, Sonny had snapped back to reality and had bent down right next to Clay grabbing his hand. Holding on to any part of Clay that would get in the way of Trent's work. The kid was awake but not with them enough to talk. Sonny remembered repeating himself telling Clay to stay with him and to breath. He wanted to tell Clay that everything was going to be ok and that Trent was going to fix him up. But he couldn't. He couldn't make himself lie to Clay when he didn't know the outcome. In those moments, before the ambulance came and took Clay away, Sonny and Clay had locked eyes. It was then that he saw it. Clay wasn't really with them. He knew that it was more likely due to shock and the force of the explosion but he couldn't help but think that maybe the brother he knew was gone because Clay made no sign that he knew who was around him nor that he was safe.

What made his worry even worse was when Clay had gone dark on them. Not even speaking to Blackburn. The kid had cut himself off from them and the only report they were getting about him was from the hospital doctor when they occasion spoke to Blackburn. However, after nearly two torturest months they had finally heard from their boy. Their brother was home and on the way to recover.

But that recovery period had not ended the way they had all hoped. Once again they had nearly lost their brother, in no fault of their own, but yet he felt guilty. And that was one of the reasons for his anger and possibly why he was so snappy at everyone around him. He had been so focused on blaming everyone else around him so that he didn't need to think about the blame that set heavily on his shoulders. And he felt it, in every hour of every day. He felt the pain of failing his brother. They were all to blame for where they were, and he saw it in each of them. From Blackburn to Brock. They all where shouldering part of the blame for what had happened to Clay.

They may not have anything to do with the mission, they didn't even know it was happening but for everything that had gone to shit after they had arrived in Turkey. They had been Bam Bam's rescue party, and they had failed. They had arrived too late to stop Clay from suffering more. Their little brother had drowned alone in that ship. He could relate to Clay in that respect. He knew what it was like to slowly drown and the only future they had was darkness. But at least he had his brothers there with him. He got a chance to say his goodbyes. Clay didn't. He was alone in that hull, slowly waiting for the water to cover his airways, dragging him into the darkness.

He remembered the cold feeling of death when he had been stuck in that tube and it was the worst experience of his life. It took him months to feel warm again, and only because he had Lisa there for him. He could only guess that Clay was feeling the coldness now, and instead of looking after him like Clay had done for him he had attacked him. Not physically as he would never harm one of his brothers but he had done in mentally. Which was why he felt that maybe Clay never would want to speak to him again. And he wouldn't blame him if he didn't. He had been horrible to him. But Sonny wanted to fix it, fix the relationship that once was so strong between the two of them that they were brothers. However, first, he needed to sort himself out before he could even have the balls to see Clay.

Sat on the cold sand with the wind hitting his face was the only thing that was stopping him from been trapped inside his won head. He had hurt Clay, they had been as strong as brothers for over two years and within a week he had thrown it all away. He had acted back like he had when Clay had first joined the team, questioning everything he had done and screaming at him. He was a monster back then and he didn't know why. He was always hard on the new guy, and more so when he knew nothing about them.

Clay was a closed book to everything other than his time in the Seals. Anything personal other than his ex-girlfriends and some of his problems with Ash. Well some of them, to be truthful one night when the two of them had been drinking after been left by the others, Clay had spilled some of his secrets regarding his relationship with Ash. The man had been nothing like a father to Clay from the moment he was born. The man had sent him away his only son away right after burying his wife so he could continue on his career as a Seal. He had not once thought about staying home to be with his child. Also, Clay had told him about the time when Ash had visited them in Africa and then so call man had spent no time with his son, instead spent the time partying in bars for nearly the entire time.

However, the image that he couldn't get out of his head was when Clay told him after emptying the half of the bottle of whisky that they had started only ten minutes before, that during that said visit Ash had come back drunk one night and had back-handed Clay so badly that he had cracked Clay's cheekbone so badly that his grandparents had taken him to the hospital the next morning due to the swelling. Ash hadn't stook around and had flown back to the States without even saying goodbye or sorry. Sonny had wanted to go hunt down Ash and break not just his cheekbone but his entire face. The next morning, Clay had acted as nothing had ever happened other than a massive hangover. And so he had kept the information to himself. It was killing him keeping that piece of information from the others but he had too, for Clay's sake.

Clay trusted him with a lot and he was the same. He had shared some personal things with Clay that he had never shared with anyone before. He had been brought up by his grandmother just like Clay but unlike Clay, he wasn't so damage about his parents lack of involvement in his life. They all knew that Clay had done his best to remove Ash from his life however the bastard had somehow found a way to worm himself back into Clay's life. Something that they were planning on making sure never happened again.

Yes Ash, had helped to try to get Swanny his purple heart and had set to work on helping other vets with TBI however that didn't stop him from making it all about him at the end of the day. Franklin from Alpha had bumped into Ash one night in a bar and had overheard Ash bragging to the woman sat next to him about how his work on vets TBI had made his celebrity profile a hell of better than before. Franklin had reported that fact back to them and they had spent the next eight hours stopping from Clay from actually killing Ash. Sonny had offered to help him but Ray had told him to shut up and that he wasn't helping.

In that moment, Sonny knew that he had to talk to Clay's face to face. Pulling himself to his feet he headed towards the Med bay without really looking where he was going. He trusted his feet to get him there, he just hoped none of the other guys were there as he couldn't deal with having to face them as well as Clay. He knew that Jason and Trent were not happy with him and Brock...well he could never tell with Brock but Cerberus was a worry. Their four-legged brother was scary when he was pissed off.

He entered the medical bay without seeing any of his brothers, in fact, it was empty other than the odd nurse or doctor. He glanced up at the clock on the wall and knew why. It was nearly eight-thirty at night, he hadn't even noticed the time. That meant that he had been sat on the beach for over four hours, and it had only taken Ray less than half an hour to find him so he had spent nearly three hours sat on the beach. No wonder his arse felt like it was frozen.

As he got to Clay's room he looked through the window to see Clay laid in the bed and he looked like he was asleep. A peaceful sleep. Something he hadn't done for a while and it made him a smile a little. His little brother looked so young when he was asleep it was a little weird that the kid that was so dangerous when awake but looked like a little little kid when he was asleep. However, just looking at Clay like that reminded him of their first deployment to Afganistan. Clay had gone to bed early the night that Ray and Clay had had fun pulling frag out of his back. Sonny had soon followed him because Trent had limited him on how many beers he would have with the painkillers that he had injected into him against his will when Ray had pulled the last piece of metal fragment out of him. Just seeing the kid asleep reminded him that maybe Clay wasn't all that bad and had been the reason why he had started to glue himself to the kid.

He didn't even notice Clay's nurse exit his room as he was so lost in thought, that it wasn't until the nurse tapped him on the shoulder did he even look at her. He even jumped at her touch. She softly smiled and shook her head, Alice had been posted on the base for over a year and with all that time she had learnt how to deal with Seals. And when she had to deal with an injured Seal, she had to deal with his team as well. She checked Sony over quickly to make sure he wasn't hurt as well before speaking. "Sorry I didn't mean to make you jump."

He smiled and shook his head, "It's fine." The nurse was young and attractive. And so Clay's type.

Alice smiled again, 'here we go' she thought. "Clay told me to tell you that if you don't stop standing here staring at him without going in he is going to throw your hat into the closest shark-infested waters he can find before throwing you in it." She said shaking her head again. Sometimes she had no idea why she put up with Seals. They were sometimes rude, pig-headed, stubborn but also loyal, sometimes funny and charming. And Clay well... he had a lot going for him. But she could see that the man was hurting and maybe a relationship wouldn't be the best idea.

Sonny shook his head at the comment and then turned back to Clay who was now awake and sat up in bed. How long had he been up? But instead of snapping at the comment about his hat, he turned to Alice and asked: "He ok?" He asked. Clay looked better than before but he was still a little pale.

She smiled and turned to look at Clay's charts that were still in her hands. "Getting there. His temperature is a little high but he is improving. If only that he would get some more rest without me threatening to sedate him." Alice said putting Clay's chart and placing it under her arm, god the man was stubborn but also a lot of fun when he joked about how annoying her father had become lately. She normally didn't get personal with her patients or complain to them about her own problems but Clay was a good listener and she liked him a lot.

"You can go in if you want. I'm going to get him something to eat, he didn't like what the other nurse brought him and I promised him if he got more than two hours sleep then I would get him a steak wrap. Just keep him calm and see if you can get him to drink a little more, he isn't drinking enough liquids for my liking. I shouldn't belong." Alice said patting Sonny on the shoulder before turning and leaving him at Clay's door.

God, how did the kid do it?

He had the nurses eating out of the palm of his hands and he had only been in the med bay for a day. The kid was unbelievable. But she was right, he had to get in there and talk to his brother. With a deep breath and a little prayer, he slowly opened the door and stepped inside.

"Finally decided to come in then," Clay muttered as he played with his I.V cannula in his hand.

Sonny knew that if Trent had been there, then he would have slapped Clay for messing with it but Sonny wasn't Trent and knew how itchy the plaster that they put around it was. Sonny looked at Clay and moved close to his brother, he knew that Clay wasn't going to break on him. The kid was harder than he looked. "Well you did threaten my hat pretty boy, can't have that can we?" Sonny said tugging his hat as he said it. However, he knew what Clay was doing, the only thing that would get to Sonny to do anything without an order or drink was threatening his hat.

Clay smiled and knew what Sonny was doing. He could always read Sonny better than anyone now and knew what was happening the second Sonny had stormed out of the room. Sonny had to calm down before anyone could talk to him so there was no point pushing him. But also, after trying to get out of bed and Trent threatening to try him down and pump him full of drugs until he listened to them and stayed put. "No guess we can't," Clay muttered smiling and looking up at Sonny who had moved a little closer. With a moment of silence and Sonny not looking like he was going to say anything else. Clay sighed, "I'm going to be fine Sonny."

Sonny looked up at his brother with a little fear in his face mixed with confusion. How does the kid do that? But then he remembered that out of everyone in his life Clay had been the one to see the storm before the cloud had even turned dark. In lameness terms, the kid could read him better than anyone. "Doesn't look like it...you look like hell," Sonny muttered and took the empty seat next to Clay's bed. Close up Clay still looked tired like he had done since he had been got out of the hospital the first time.

"I'm fine. This is only a small hiccup." Clay said turning his head so that it was resting against his pillow but he was able to watch Sonny more closely. He looked how he felt, tired, fed up and stressed. But he could tell that there was something going on with him, and he needed to get it out of him. Ray had briefed him a little when he came back to tell him that he was heading home to update Naima and that he wasn't going to save him when she cornered him. And now he needed to work out how to get whatever was bothering Sonny out of him before he exploded.

"Hell of a hiccup," Sonny muttered and Clay knew that that was the truth.

"Yer, tell me about it," Clay muttered, he hated hospital and was the reason he had escaped from the last one. However, now he was once again in a hospital and one that he couldn't escape from. Not with the guards on the gates and Jason telling him that he had informed them that he was not to leave base without one of the team and clearance from the doctors. But then again it could have been worse. Uncle Tommy could have hung around instead of returning back home to complete his report on the mission to hand to the joint chiefs. He knew that Jason knew what was between the two of them but the others didn't, they knew that he was close to the Admiral but not the reason. He knew that sooner or later they may ask him and he would have no option than to tell them the truth. But then again, Uncle Tommy had saved him from face planting the floor

"Look Clay I'm..." Sonny started to say rubbing his hands together and not meeting Clay's eyes.

"Look if you are going to apologize to me for something then you can save it," Clay snapped looking directly at Sonny. He was getting sick of everyone apologizing to him lately when he didn't blame them for any of it. The only two people he blamed for this was Jones and Zurkoff. And maybe himself. Sonny looked up at him and Clay saw that he was going to have to explain what he meant by it as he had done with Jason. "You all think that this..." Clay said pointing at his own body before continuing "...is somehow your fault when it's not. I don't blame any of you."

"You should," Sonny muttered once again and took off his hat before starting to play with it in his hand.

"Why? You didn't do anything." Clay said throwing his arms into the air tugging at his I.V lines.

"Coz we didn't get to you in time," Sonny muttered letting his head full into one of his hands, he didn't want to see the pain in Clay's face as he reminded him of the time he almost drowned because they had failed him.

"Time for what? Saving me from drowning? Or my memory loss?" Clay asked confused. What was hell was happening?

"Both," Sonny said looking up at Clay before placing his hat onto his knee before running his hand through his hair.

"Sonny, my memories came back. I remember everything...well..." Clay started but then stopped and thought more carefully about that. Sonny's head shot up and looked scared about what was happening. Had Clay not remembered everything? "...I'm still a little hazy on our pub crawls but I'm guessing that maybe not a bad thing," Clay said shrugging his shoulder and turning to look at Sonny with a small grin.

"That's true," Sonny said laughing, he didn't remember most of those nights ever and like Clay had agreed that maybe it was for the best.

"As for not getting to me in time to stop me from drowning, well you were a little busy," Clay said shrugging his shoulders again before moving back to picking at his I.V line.

"Yer right..." Sonny muttered angrily but not at Clay but himself.

"I heard the firefight," Clay said without any real emotion.

"What?" Sonny asked, now he was confused even more. What was Clay going on about? What firefight?

"I didn't black out straight away, I heard the firefight. I knew you guys were there coming for me. Know the sound of your chaos anywhere." Clay said, he hadn't really told anyone that. The debriefing hadn't asked about it so he felt no reason too; he had heard the shooting and knew that out there were his brothers fighting for him. But sadly he could fight any more and allowed himself to fall into darkness. A failure he wasn't proud of.

"We got Zurkoff," Sonny said nodding his head.

"I know you did," He had been told who had killed Zurkoff and the killing round had come from the British Navy. Not that he was going to tell Sonny that because he knew that Sonny had fired a number of shots at Zurkoff. All of them had hit the bastard but sadly a shot fired from one of the British sailors directly to Zurkoff's head had ended the man's life.

"Wish I had gotten my hands on him?" Sonny muttered angrily at the thought of what Zurkoff had done to his little brother, the man had nearly beaten Clay to death according to Trent.

"I'm not," Clay muttered closing his eyes know that Sonny was going to explode on him.

"What kind of drugs have they got you on?" Sonny demanded. Whatever drugs they had Clay on they were making him nuts.

"Doesn't matter. This way Zurkoff can never hurt anyone again." Clay said, not opening his eyes but shrugging his shoulders. "I mean it, Sonny," Clay said opening his eyes and turning to look at Sonny. Sonny looked up confused and then motioned Clay to explained. "Think about it Sonny, getting shot once hurts like hell. Think about much-getting shot over fifty time feels? I'm guessing Zurkoff suffered enough before he died." Clay said.

"Hoped it did," Sonny muttered but agreeing with Clay. "So we good?" He asked looking up and moved his chair closer to Clay's bed.

"Yer brother, we're good," Clay said with a smile and nodded holding out his hand for Sonny to take to which he did. He gripped hold of it as if his life depended on it and it did in a way. He couldn't lose his brother. Not again.

"Good. Missed you, buddy." Sonny said gripping hold of Clay's hand but allowed him to let it come to rest on the bed. It looked like Clay was fighting to stay awake again.

"Missed you to brother," Clay said smiling but then thought of something that might help them both out. "Any chance you could get me out of here?" He asked with a little hope.

Sonny looked shocked at him and then chuckled a little. "Not a chance brother."

Clay pulled out his puppy dog eyes and let go of Sonny's hand giving it all to get Sonny to help him. "Thought I was your favourite?"

Sonny chuckled and shook his head. "Sorry brother, you are on your own. I value my life more than that."

"Against who?" Clay asked shocked and a little worried about who Sonny Quinn was afraid of.

"Trent, Jason, Ray, Cerberus, to name a few," Sonny said counting them off on his hand.

"Wimp," Clay muttered folding his arms across his chest like an angry child.

"Poster Boy," Sonny answered back.

"Bastard," Clay said back but then the two of them smiled. They were back. Sonny knew that this time they were going to drive both Jason and Ray mental as soon as Clay was cleared to join them again.

"Hey Clay?" Sonny asked, thinking about Bravo's conversation that they had back in the gym. Maybe he had to be the one to get Clay to talk about what was happening to him.

"What?" Clay asked something in Sonny's voice got him to think that something was bothering his brother.

"If you ever want to talk about what happened over there..." Sonny said to say looking at his brother carefully, hoping that he wouldn't cause Clay any pain.

"I know brother. I know." Clay said muttered nodding his head before he started to play with his own fingers. He didn't want to talk about it, however, he knew that sooner or later he would have too. But he didn't want to cause Sonny any more pain than he was already feeling. His brother had been blaming himself for what happened, would learning more about what happened to him make Sonny fall back into that thought. He couldn't risk that. He wouldn't risk his friendship with Sonny again.

"Coz maybe be should," Sonny said softly.

Clay nodded again and then the sound of the door opening caused them both to turn to see who was there. Thankfully it wasn't any of their team, but instead with Alice with a bag of what smelled like amazing steak wraps. "Hope you are hungry. I got you a steak wrap like you asked." Alice said handing Clay his wrap before smiling at Sonny. "I also got you one. Thought that maybe you would be sticking around so I got you one." She said with a little smile as she handed his to him.

"Thanks," Sonny said holding up his wrap thanking her.

"Right you. You are going to eat that wrap, I am going to change your fluid bag and then you are going to sleep. Got it." Alice said pointing at Clay before crossing her arms.

Sonny chuckled opening his wrap and took a bite before looking at Clay. "I would listen to her brother." He said laughing as he watched the scene in front of him, 'this was fun.' He missed this, he missed his brother.


	32. Opening up a little

Chapter Thirty-Two

Three nights, two mornings and four lectures later Clay was finally released by the doctors back into the care of Bravo with very strict instructions about what he was could and couldn't do. And sadly for him, the list of what he couldn't do was a hell of a lot longer than the one that he was allowed to do. They hadn't been able to release him earlier due to his temperature still been too high. They had finally been able to get it under control after discovering that one of Clay's surgical wounds had started to become inflamed and had set him on another course of antibiotics. Along with the fluids and the meds, Clay's temperature had finally started to come down. So much so that they were happy enough to release him back under Trent's care as long as he did what he was told.

With Clay's longer stay, the doctors had rex-rayed his shoulder and found that the fracture was healing nicely and had done so enough that he didn't need to keep it in a sling if he was resting. However, had said that if he was walking around then it would be best that it was back in the sling, for the time being, to make sure it healed enough so he could use his arm fully again. They had also x-rayed his chest to check on his ribs and sternum as they had been worried that the fall had possibly damaged the work done to get them to heal correctly, but thankfully everything had been fine. Clay's lungs both looked good and even three of his ribs that had been cracked had disappeared already, however, the ones that had been broken completely still stuck out like a sore thumb on the x-rays. Jason had been shown them by one of the doctors and in his head, he had a picture of what had caused each one, that had made his blood boil. They all felt like that, the only difference was that some of them could hide it better than others. Ray and Trent had been the only ones that could hide their emotions from everyone, but for the rest of them, it was clear that they were still as pissed as they had been when they had found out that Clay was in trouble, even Brock had found it hard. The normal cool-headed dog handler had exploded a few times on them. Not as many times as Sonny and Jason but enough to let others know that he wasn't happy. Cerberus had been the same, not only was he sidelines until he could be re-assessed but their pup would barely leave Clay alone if allowed to stay. He would set himself up in a protective position close to Clay and glared at anyone who bared come close.

And that hadn't changed when they had gotten back to Jason's place. Cerberus glued himself to Clay's side and only left it to eat, go outside or Clay had gone to the bathroom himself. It didn't matter if Brock left to go home, Cerberus did not leave Clay's side. Sonny had even joked that maybe they would have to start calling Clay their dog handler since their pup liked him more but after a cold glare from both Brock and Cerberus, he had quickly dropped the topic and had excused himself from the house to go and grab some food with Jason. Leaving Brock, Ray, Trent and Clay alone. As soon as they had gotten there, Trent had set Clay up on the couch along with Cerberus and couldn't help but tell them both to stay.

Trent had left soon after Jason and Sonny had taken off to go shopping. They had barely anything in, Jason had planned on going shopping with Clay after his debriefing for food as he had a feeling that Clay might like to pick what he ate since he was going to keep Clay with him until he was sure that Clay was well enough to go home. But the kid had changed his plans and since then they had camped out on base till Clay was well enough to go home. Trent had given Jason a list of things to get Clay, foods that were high all the things that Clay needed to heal. But also all the foods and more importantly drink. Trent had laid down the law with all of them, Clay was not allowed to consume any alcohol at all. Not with the meds that the doctors had given him. Trent had also told Clay the same thing.

He wasn't going to risk Clay's health again and so he had needed more supplies. Stuff that he had at home. Also, he needed to see Amber. His new wife had dealt with a lot recently, he had quickly called her when Clay had collapsed and a few texts to keep her updated but personally, he needed to see her. The only people that he allowed to see his real emotion was her and his mother. No one else really saw that side of him unless he lost control. But Amber was tough, she had to be. Marrying a Seal was never an easy thing and if they weren't made of strong stuff it didn't last. He just hoped that this time, he had found the right on. But leaving Clay was hard, he knew that his little brother was safe with Ray and Brock but in the end, he was the one in charge of the teams' overall health. Which meant the buck ended with him.

Ray had settled himself in the chair next to the couch and had picked up a book that had been left on the table in front of the couch. Clay had quickly nodded off as soon as the others had gone and Cerberus had joined him. With his head in Clay's lap and Clay's arms wrapped around their pup, the image of two of them was too much to pass up and Brock and Ray had quickly taken a few snaps before Cerb's eyes snapped open.

Brock then had quickly retreated into Jason's room, one of them needed to stay awake with Clay again. Not for the concussion but for the nightmares. It had been a plan that they had drawn up with they had been waiting for Clay's doctors to discharge him. Brock was to take the first night shift so had gone into Jason's room to get some sleep, but he hadn't bothered trying to get Cerberus to join him. His pup looked happy with Clay and if it allowed him to sleep then all be it.

That left Ray watching Clay but he didn't mind, the book he had picked up had been one of Clay's that the guys had snatched from his cage. Not a bad read and thankfully in English. He had made the mistake once of trying to read one of Clay's books before but that one had been in Italian. It was one of the languages that Clay didn't know very well and Ray knew that the kid had been starting to learn new languages. And Ray liked to challenge himself and learn new languages. Maybe it was a little competition between the two of them in who can learn the most languages.

Without noticing nearly three hours had passed before Ray heard something that caused him to look up from his book, the room had started to go dark but there was enough light to see that Clay was staring back at him. Quickly saving his page and putting it down on the tablet but before he could ask him if he needed Clay spoke.

"Can I ask you something?" Clay asked running his fingers through Cerb's coat as he spoke.

"Yer sure. Anything." Ray answered leaning forward so he could make sure that he understood everything Clay said. If Clay was going to talk to him like they wanted then he was not to make this any more painful by getting him to repeat anything.

"The guys told me about the time that you were cut off from the rest of them when your shoot didn't open," Clay said now not meeting Ray's eyes. He remembered hearing about everything that had happened to the guys when they were on the hunt for the person who had nearly cost him his life. Really he wanted to forget the whole thing but he found that maybe this was a way that he could talk to one of them about what was going on with him.

"Yer, something I never want to relive again," Ray admitted and nodded to his own statement. He had never wanted to relive what happened again but at the same time what had happened to him had in fact saved him. Saved him from losing everything he held dear.

"Yer..." Clay muttered.

Ray looked at his brother with a little confusion, why was Clay bring this up? He remembered hearing from the others that they had filled Clay in a little about what had happened and the lengths they took to get the man who had nearly killed him but couldn't understand why Clay wanted to talk about it now? What was wanting to tell him? And so he asked, "What about it?"

Clay pulled gently at Cerberus' coat for a good five minutes before answering Ray's question. He had no idea how his brother was going to take it, but he needed to ask it. "You ever felt like you deserved it?"

This floored Ray and he felt his jaw drop. He had expected an odd question or something like what did he feel when he thought he was going to die but that one, he was not expected. "Where is this going Clay?"

Clay didn't look up and didn't really listen to Ray's question but knew that he didn't get an answer. "Did it?"

Ray thought for a moment at Clay's previous question. And then it hit him, his brother thought that he deserved what happened to him. Pain mixed with anger burned through his veins and it took a moment before he could trust that he had control over his own voice. He wanted to scream, to shout at Clay telling him that he didn't deserve this, that no one did. That what happened to him was the most painful and horrific thing that could happen. That Jones had been the one to betray them and that was not his fault. He knew Clay blamed himself for a lot of things but this time he was not going to allow this one. But he also knew that like Jason, he couldn't just tell Clay that, he needed to help him make that decision himself.

"Maybe. At the time, I was in a pretty messed up back then. I lost my faith and was spiralling. I started falling into bad habits." Ray started with, hoping that maybe with him opening himself up to Clay then the kid would do the same. He had fallen back into his old ways and he had hurt his family doing so. Something that he was not proud of. And he hated talking about it, to any of his brothers but yet again if it helped Clay then the kid needed to know that none of them was perfect.

"But you got through it," Clay said and Ray could hear that it was not a question but a statement. And a true one. He had got through it, but it hadn't been a journey that he made alone. He had help and not just from his brothers but his family. Even though they were the people that he had hurt.

"Yer but it took time. And not after I treated Naima badly, ignored my kids and punched Jason in the face." He regretted everything he had done and was still paying for his mistakes but once again his family had come through for him when he needed them the most. He still remembered the amazing sound of Jason's voice and the sound of his brother's weapons covering his back as they got to him. Something that he would never forget.

"Felt good though?" Clay muttered with a little grin and Ray laughed. He knew what Clay was referring too and yes, punching Jason felt good but it had been for the wrong reason. Jason had been right and he had allowed his own pain to cloud his judgement.

"Yer but don't tell him that. At the time, I was so mad at him but also I knew that he was right. I messed up and I am still trying to make it up to everyone even when I know that everyone has already forgiven me." Ray answered looking at Clay, he knew that the kid was holding onto his every word and also got the feeling that he was close in getting Clay to open up.

"Ok." Clay said and looked back down at Cerberus who had twisted in his sleep that his belly was now in the air.

"What's this all about clay? You didn't deserve this." Ray said and made sure that he put a lot of his 2IC voice on for the last bit. God he just hoped the kid believed him.

"What if I did?" Clay asked in a timid voice. Ray's heart cracked, the kid sounded like Jameelah when she woke up from a nightmare and was still scared that the monsters were going to get her. A completely different image than the hardened Navy Seal that he knew.

"Come on Clay you did nothing wrong," Ray said, feeling like they were going to have to repeat this a few times with this kid to get him to believe them.

"Lying to you guys," Clay muttered.

Ray groaned, he had been through this before but it looked like he was about to have it again. "Come on Clay we have been through this, none of us blame you for this."

"Well, maybe I do." Clay blurted out and quickly pulled his legs off the couch and allowed his elbow to rest on his knees with his head in his hands. His fingers automatically ran over the scar left by the doctors almost reminding himself about how close he had come to death.

At the sudden movement, Cerberus shot up and whimpered at the loss of his pillow. The dog suddenly only had eyes fro Clay and softly started to nug Clay's shoulder with his nose trying to get his brother to look at him. Ray, on the other hand, sat in silence shocked about what had just happened. They all knew that Clay was blaming himself for what happened but he had never thought that it would get this bd that he was allowing his own guilt to eat away at him. "Why?" Ray asked softly, using the voice he would often only use when speaking to his own children but Clay needed that comfort now more than ever.

"Coz I wanted to get back out there before I lost my use." Clay finally admitted and hated himself even more for the pain that had become mixed up in his voice. He knew that all his brothers wanted was for him to get well but that wasn't enough for him and he knew that the odds were stacked against him on everything.

"Your use?" Ray asked confused, he had no idea where Clay was going with this and for once wished he had another one of their brothers with him to help.

Clay sighed and knew that Ray didn't understand him but having to explain it only made him feel worse. He had gone through this conversation over a hundred times in his head but this time, for real, was not something he had expected. "When I went back to the range my shot was off," Clay admitted shaking his head at the thought, he had missed nearly every single shot and the once that he had hit had only been flesh wounds. He had been pathetic.

"So," Ray said shrugging his shoulders not getting what Clay meant. They all had off days when it came down to training. None of them liked to admit it but it happened and to him more than once.

"Off like as in failing Green Team. Couldn't get my hands to stop shaking." Clay said grabbing his knee but he could see that his hands were now shaking and so could Ray. He was a sniper and he couldn't hit a single target, what good was he now if he couldn't protect his brother? Maybe the boys were better off without him, maybe he was truly done in the Navy.

"It's just nerves, you will get there," Ray said as he got up and moved to sit on the table right in front of Clay. He knew that crowding Clay maybe a little risky but he needed to get the kid to look at him. He remembered his first mission with Adam after his shoulder and he was so worried that maybe he would mess up that he was finding it hard to hid his hands from shaking.

"What if I don't?" Clay asked, knowing that he sounded like a child who was scared of the dark but all he couldn't lock away his emotions anymore, not on this.

"You will when you get back to full health," Ray said gripping hold of Clay's knee causing Clay to look up at him.

"What if I don't?" Clay asked again, now he couldn't stop the tears from falling. He was pathetic, how the hell did he get into Seals? He had failed at everything and everyone. Why couldn't he just disappear?

Ray must have seen the fear and quickly gripped hold of Clay's arm like he was holding him up from drowning in his own pain. His other hand, he wrapped it around Clay's neck being the kid closer to him. The kid was hurting more than ever before and they had missed it. It had taken the kid to reach the breaking point for them to see it. "Come on kid, where did all this come from?" He asked softly, keeping their heads close to the kid could whisper if he couldn't talk.

Clay squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears but found that he couldn't. Ray had broken his dam and there was no stopping it. "What if I'm more of a risk than an asset to Bravo?" Clay whispered letting his head fall in shame. He was a risk to his brothers and he was still hurting them to this day. He could see it even if they couldn't.

"You are coming back to us, Clay," Ray said with a strong tone, he was not about to let his brother believe that he had lost them. Not ever, he felt his 2IC tone come through with his fatherly tone. The kid needed to believe him, he was not about to let the kid think that he was done because he wasn't. Not until they said he was done.

"What if I cant, what if I never heal enough to get cleared what if I..." Clay knew that he was rambling but he couldn't stop himself. All the pain and worry he had been feeling was causing him to voice very worry he had to his 2IC.

Ray gripped hold of Clay again and forced his brother's head up but with Clay keeping his eyes closed he said but made sure that he gave his 2IC tone. "Clay look at me," he knew that Clay would do as he asked. The kid followed orders and he had been right, a minute later he was met with Clay's blue eyes.

"Yer what if..." Ray said and when he saw the pain he continued. "We can't live with the what if. We know that better than anyone. We just have to live the time we have been given and someone up there made sure that you lived. You just have to find the path that is right for you. We'll be here for whatever you chose, whether that is to come back to us, or if you're not ready then work with the other instructors on Green Team. Get your conference back and when you're ready not us then we will be there." Ray said smiling as he saw some of the worries in Clay's eyes fade a little, the kid was listening to him and his words were getting through. He was getting Clay to hear his words and he could see that he was slowly believing them. Green Team had saved Ray when he was healing and he thought that maybe it could help Clay. Also like Jason, he knew that Clay was going to be one hell of a 1IC one day and so needed his hours to get his own team.

"Really think that will help, working with Green Team?" Clay asked, finding his voice once again.

"It did for me," Ray said finally letting go of Clay as the young man lent back into the couch suddenly feeling drained.

"I'll think about it." Clay said but he was nodded. Ray knew Clay really was thinking what he had said but he wasn't going to push Clay any more. He could see that with all the emotion, the kid was wiped.

"Good," Ray said smiling softly and even more when Cerberus pushed himself under Clay's arm as he settled once again into Clay's sides.

"Can I ask you something?" Clay asked after a few minutes of silence.

"You already did," Ray said and laughed at the look Clay sent him. "What that not funny?" He asked.

"You've been hanging around Sonny too much Ray." Clay stated, shaking his head at Ray's attempt at humour.

"What? I'm funny." Ray said smiling. "So what's your question?" He asked knowing that if Clay had something else to say then he wasn't going to stop him as he had no idea when he would get Clay to open up like this again.

Clay shook his head but then looked down at Cerberus. "You ever feel like we don't make the difference?"

Ray was taken aback a little at this question, the kid was surprising him today but they all had one thing in common. He was doubting himself. "Clay, you made one hell of a difference there." He said and was shocked at Clay reaction to his comment. Clay was shaking his head like he believed Ray was talking rubbish.

"How? Getting Aksoy killed, getting Richie and the others killed how the hell did I make a difference? All I did was cost five good men their lives." Clay snapped, he suddenly had felt a rush of anger and pain once again.

"No..." Ray started and then moved forwards so he was closer to Clay. The kid looked wiped still but he could see the kid physical shake with the anger. "No Clay, you did more. You helped weed out a traitor who was helping an arms dealer sell weapons to our enemies. Weapons that were going to be used to kill our brothers and sisters. Brother, you did a hell of a lot of good bring Jones to justice." Ray said, making sure that he pushed the proud fatherly voice into his words, the kids needed to know that he was proud of him. That they all were.

"Thanks man," Clay said but not fully believing but knew that he had done something right. He knew that it would take time for him to believe that he had made a difference but he was starting to see it.

"Anytime," Ray said again, the kid had a lot of pain but at least he was talking to them now and not burying it.

"So..." Clay said looking up as he wiped the tears from his eyes. "...when do you think I will be allowed back in my own place?" He asked. He wanted to go home and sleep in his own bed instead of in Jason's or Mikey's. But knew that he couldn't without his brother's approval.

"Not until the doctors, Trent and all the kinds horses clear you too and not before," Ray said sternly. Trent had gone through Clay's recovery plan but they had not had the chance to go through it with Clay yet and he was not going to be the one to tell him.

"Think you have been reading junior's storybooks too much," Clay said with a small grin on his face.

His annoying little brother was back. Ray did his best to keep his face straight as he shook his head and answered, "Funny guy, I will remember that when I get you running hills with Sonny for a week."

"What did he do?" Clay asked grinning more broadly.

"Do you want me to write you a list?" Ray asked and with that Clay burst out laughing. Out of all his brothers, Sonny and Clay were the trouble makers and they were already causing him a headache.

"It's good," Jay muttered, mainly to himself but Clay heard him.

"What?" He asked a little confused about the comment.

"Hearing you laugh like you mean it. Haven't heard it in a while." Ray explained, he had missed hearing Clay laugh for real. Not a fake laugh but a real one. The kid was healing. That was clear as day to him now, they were getting the old Clay back. Slowly.

"That's a little weird Ray," Clay muttered looking at Cerberus who nodded.

"Two weeks," Ray said holding up his fingers.

"Come on." Clay moaned as he pulled his hood over his head.

"Two weeks of what?" A voice from behind then called out. They turned to see Brock coming into the room and taking Ray's empty seat.

"The number of weeks Clay is running hills when Trent clears him," Ray said turning back to Clay who was grinning like a child who had gotten away with something.

"Better you than me anyway don't worry Clay, Ray will more likely forget about it when the time comes round," Brock said throwing Clay a fresh bottle of water to which he caught with ease and with a grin.

Ray groaned, he was getting ganged up by his brothers. Where was Jason when he needed him? "That's it, you too Brock."

"Hey!" Brock called.

"What's he done now?" A new voice said and they all turned to see that the rest of the team had come back. Trent had come back with his fresh medkit and a bag of clothes from home. Jason and Sonny were stood behind him with three bags of shopping in their hands. They had set it down in the kitchen but forgotten about as they came straight back into the room.

"Been a pain like all of you," Ray said shaking his head and looked to Jason for help.

"What do I?" Sonny asked, looking a little shocked that he was getting the blame for something that he didn't remember doing.

"Everything Sonny," Ray said shaking his head, his brother was going to kill him sooner rather than later.

Jason smiled and shook his head at the sight in front of him. His family was slowly coming together again. They were healing. Slowly but they were. Then he looked at Clay, his youngest was slowly healing and then he saw that some of the cracks that he had seen before were slowly healing. But then he saw Cerberus who had thrown himself on his back on his couch.

"Hey, no dogs on the couch." He called as he moved back to the kitchen to put away the shopping.

"You going to make him move coz I'm not," Sonny called through and Jason found himself smiling as he heard Clay laugh. His annoying little kid was coming back.

"Pain in the arse. " He muttered but then he heard Sonny call back through. "No, I just have common sense."

"Not a lot of it," Brock answered.

"Shut the hell up Brock," Sonny shouted back.

God, he was so happy that his brothers were coming back but at the same time his headache was only going to get worse then they all were back together. "We created a monster," Ray said as he entered the room. And Jason found himself laughing but also nodded at that. Sonny and Clay together were a monster even together, both good and bad. But now all together, the team had become the best. And for that, they had become the most dangerous. A true monster but only to their emeries.

However, to Jason, they were a family. His true family.


	33. Little Day Trip

Chapter Thirty-three

It had been a long week but Jason had learned a lot more about his men in the last week than the last few years. Really ever since he had brought Clay onto the team he had found out that he didn't fully know any of his team, not even Ray. Not really. They had all their secrets and each of them respected them but when Clay joined it felt like the team had become a true family, and with that came the bonds and the arguments. Also during that week, he had finally been able to get the whole story out of Ray. At first, Ray had tried to keep some of it back so he wouldn't break Clay's confidence but in the end, he needed to let Jason know what was really going on in their kid's head.

On the night that Ray had finally gotten Clay to open up to him, he and Jason had almost locked themselves in the kitchen under the impression that they were cooking dinner which was true but also gave them a chance to talk. It also allowed them to make sure that Clay was too entertained with his brothers to overhear their conversation. It took nearly an hour for Sonny and Brock's argument to come to an end, which very much entertained both Clay and Trent who sat back and watched the two threaten each other. They knew that neither of them meant it, fighting was what brothers did. But all the noise was a good cover for them to speak without been overheard. The kid had ears like Cerberus and could overhear anything that was said about him or if he wanted to know something.

But really Jason didn't care if Clay overheard them, mainly because he knew that the kid would hear how proud he was of him. After weeks of the kid closing himself off from them, thinking that he was a pain and a burden on them, the kid had finally come to them. Clay had finally opened up to him and that was enough for Jason to know what the kid was finally healing. Jason had been tortured watching the kid that was once so cocky that he wanted to kill the kid himself turn into a shy, quiet shell of the man he saw leading Bravo one day. That night was a start, but he couldn't get too overhappy. He personally knew about how quickly that darkness and pain to return so they had to keep an extra close eye on Clay for the seeable future. And that only proved more valuable when Ray had told him everything.

Hearing what had been playing repeatedly in the kid's head hurt him on a level that he didn't know the kid could affect. Why did the kid affect him so much? Every time the kid was in pain, looked depressed or scared something inside him crawl at his very nature to do everything in his power to make everything ok. He knew that the only way he could describe that feeling to anyone was that of a father's instinct. The feeling of wanting to grab hold of him and wish all his problems away, make everything better. Just like he wanted to do for Emma and Mikey as they grew up.

Even though he saw Clay like a son, that didn't stop sometimes the feeling that all he wanted to do was to hit the kid's head against the wall repeatedly until he knocked some sense into him. And right now he wanted to do that to him. To knock that he wasn't a burden to them right into his head. However thought better of it, mainly because Trent would kill him. They had learned over the years of having Clay with them was that a concussed Clay was not a fun Clay. The other reason was that right now, he didn't think having a go at him would be in his best interest. Not when the kid was really thinking that he was worthless and no use to them anymore.

The whole situation was crap but also needed to be handled with great care, like when they had to deal with a very hungover Sonny. Like that, it could go one of two ways, either he helped Clay heal or send him back into his depression. Clay was a young and experienced Navy Seal but that only made him more dangerous, dealing with an injured Seal whether they were known was like dealing with a cornered injured animal. When Clay was healthy and happy the kid was outgoing, up for pretty much anything that sounded like fun and always there for his brothers when they needed him but when he was hurt or depressed like now, he would often close himself away from everyone, locking his own pain along with it. Hoping that he would just fade into the background unseen. He never liked seeing the kid like that and hoped he would never again.

When Jason and Ray had finally joined the others after their conversation, they found both Clay and Trent both crying with laugher as Brock and Sonny finished their argument with Sonny threatening his revenge on Brock when he least expected it. And since then, they had the old Clay back. But the one thing that was playing on his mind was the possibility of Clay's change in behaviour could be linked to the fact that only two days previously did Trent and Clay's doctors dropping down the number of meds he was on. Which in turn allowed Clay to stay awake longer than he did previously but also allowed Clay not to seen so out of it.

As the week went on, Jason had decided and set out sending his brothers home or at least one or two of the them at a time. But only during the night as he would never get them out of his place during the day without a really good reason. As Clay was now healing properly they didn't need to all be there for him, if any of them. Clay had started to sleep through the night, on occupation he would wake up during the night but that had started to become rare. The nightmares were still there and were unlikely to completely disappear but they weren't haunting him. It was like they were on the back burner at the moment but Jason didn't want to risk them coming back if he allowed him home himself. And like normal, they could all tell when he had one but lately he either was getting better at hiding them from them or they had been locked away in his head. Whatever the reason, Jason was just happy the fact that the kid was sleeping properly and when he checked on him, the kid looked at peace. Peaceful and too young to deal with everything that was happening. But he didn't have to deal with it alone.

Ray had been the easiest to send home, but mainly because he had called Naima and got her to come and get him. That woman was a saint in herself for putting up with them and for stealing her husband for that long when he was at home. She knew what the team was and also understood how clingy they were to each other when one of them was hurt. She also had taken time out of her day to do Clay's checks with Trent, Jason had also seen something in her that he knew appeared in him. Naima treated Clay like a long lost son. And in such knew how to get him to do what she wanted. The other reason to get Ray home was for the fact that Jason knew that Ray missed his kids. Ray loved his brothers, that was clear and he would do anything for them but he was also one of the best fathers and husbands he ever knew. The man would often enjoy more sitting with his children reading them their bedtime story than in a bar. Asking him to spend any more time away from them was unfair. Clay had also told him as much and only when he promised to call him if he needed him and had sworn that if he couldn't then he would get one of the others to do so.

Sonny had been the hardest to get to leave and had taken three blow-ups to get him out of his place. Their stubborn Texan was almost impossible to kick out of the house and without a fight, the man wouldn't leave unless ordered too and he wasn't going to do that to him. He couldn't do that to him or really any of them but then again he had a backup plan. His plan B.

And his plan B involved calling Blackburn for a major favour. And that favour was to get Lisa re-assigned back to them from her new posting. He had no idea how he managed it or how many favours he had to call in but Blackburn had really come through for them. He now owed Blackburn a full crate of the most expensive Whisky he could find and then double it. With Lisa back home with them, it meant he didn't need to worry about Sonny anymore, none of them did. She was the only one that could get Sonny to do anything without ordering him or having to bribe him other than Clay. She had been able to get him home, showered and asleep in his own bed a few times during the week. However, sadly it didn't work every night. Lisa kept him grounded which was what they needed right now until Clay was back on his feet to control the idiot. They all knew that Sonny hadn't been sleeping very well, just like Clay. So Jason knew that he owed Lisa a lot as well.

Brock had also been hard to get rid off which they all found odd. Thinking more carefully about the whole situation, Jason remembered that Brock was the quietest member of the team, running second was Clay. When Clay was alone and not with Sonny, he noticed that the kid didn't really say much unless he had something to say, just like Brock. A few times when he went into the cages he would find Clay and Brock alone. Often reading. The two of them were close but he had no idea how close till now. It showed more when Cerberus was around them both. Their pup often chose to follow and stick close to Clay rather than Brock when they were both relaxed and Brock didn't need him. In the cages when Clay was sat reading in his hammock Cerberus would often jump up and sit on Clay's lap happy watching everyone around him. During their stay with him, Jason had found out that Clay often spent days with Brock and Cerberus when they were off. Going for runs, going for lunch and even staying around each others' places watching the game or a film. The two had been closer than they ever thought.

Four days after Clay had come clear to Ray, Brock had come in grinning from ear to ear with some great news. Cerberus had been reassessed by the trainer on base because of his behaviour lately and thankfully they hadn't removed him from duty. They hadn't cleared him for full active duty but instead had placed him on probation. That meant he would be allowed back into the training field but under very close watch from the trainers until he improved. It wasn't until he had cornered Brock in the kitchen after Clay had gone to the bathroom did he find out what had really happened on the training field. Their four-legged brother had passed because Brock had taken a friend with him. And that person was Clay. For some reason, Clay's presence on the field had helped Cerberus get his focus back on the task in front of him. He also guessed that until Clay was back at full health they were going to have to watch they little hair-missile for any other odd behaviour.

Trent had been very much like Ray and didn't put up much of a fight when he told him to go home. But only because like Ray he had someone at home. Amber had been pretty understanding about why Trent needed to be with his brothers. However, in the end, she needed her husband. With Clay's help, Jason had finally been able to kick him out as well. That, however, did not stop him from turning up at eight in the morning to give Clay a full check over, change his bandages, make sure he had his medication and check on his prescriptions to make sure that he had enough and to make sure he completed his antibiotics course. Trent really cared about his brothers and he meant well but they call could tell that Clay was really getting sick of all the poking and prodding and often would snap at them when things got too much.

Clay's mood had improved when they were together and more so when they were doing something he enjoyed. Mainly sitting around the TV watching a game or a film with pizza and drinks. Sadly with alcohol still being off the menu for Clay and so alcohol was banned from the house until he was cleared to drink. Clay had almost gone back to normal except one thing, for the first hour of been awake Clay was off. Jason couldn't really place it but it was certain that something was wrong with him. It was like he was back into hiding things for them, however, he went right back to normal the moment one of the others turned up. He also noticed that Clay would often try his best to hide his pain from him, as they lowered the number of meds and the amount they knew that Clay would start to feel the pain that had been numbed for so long. With that pain, came Clay hiding in his room as much as he could if they were alone. Often only leaving it to go to the bathroom or heading to the kitchen to grab a cup of water since he wasn't really allowed coffee still and something to eat.

But today was a new day and he had plans. Plans that involved Clay. Plans that didn't mean them laying around the house watching TV all day, no the plans that he was about to set in motion had been planned since Ray and himself had talked. Since admitting to Ray some of the problems that he was dealing with, Clay hadn't said anything more. However, with the behaviour Clay had been showing there was something that was still clearly bothering him. And they needed to find out what or get Clay to deal with it on his own quickly before it caused him any more pain.

Something that Jason did find odd was that from what information they had from Foggin was that Clay had almost cut off all communication with his old team. Not a call every so often or meetups. He often texted a few of his old team and meet up a few of them for a drink. Ones that were still alive. It had been that thought that had given them the idea of which they had set up.

Ray and himself had planned the whole thing without telling the others and especially Trent as they knew that he would never have allowed Clay to go through with it as there was a risk of setting Clay's health back but more importantly his mental health if things went wrong. That was not what they wanted to achieve but at the same time, Clay couldn't continue with that. But as this plan wasn't known by the rest of the team they had to move quickly and without them knowing. He had gotten Clay up early, really all he did was stick his head into Clay's/Mikey's room and switched on the lights waking Clay up. He had ordered him quickly to get ready as they were heading out today.

As they left the house under the impression that they were heading to the shops to pick some things up for Clay that he liked. But Jason knew that they were playing a very dangerous game. And not with just Clay's health but of the teams. Ray and Jason had lied to the other and he knew that they wouldn't take that lightly when they found out. Before leaving Jason had Trent run over Clay one last time to make sure that he was well enough to leave. So as they left, Jason felt so lucky that he had been the one to take Clay because he would hate to be Ray who was currently sat in his place with Trent and Brock. When their brothers found out what they were doing they were going to hit the roof.

The car journey was quiet but Jason couldn't help but smile as they headed on towards their destinations. He had been completely surprised at how easy things had gone but knew that one mistake could cause the whole thing to come crashing down. But what surprised him the most was the fact that Clay hadn't questioned anything. The kid was still on medication but he wasn't dumb. None of them were which was why he was so happy that he was in the car and not there. But the silence was a little odd. He couldn't help but check on Clay a few times to make sure that he was still awake. The kid was just watching out of the window, not really paying attention to anything they were passing. It was like the kid was in his own world.

Turning his attention back to the road which was nearly empty, but that wasn't what he was thinking about. He was worried about how Clay was going to react to the plan. The kid was very secretly regarding his past and he didn't talk much about what happened in his old unit. Clay had no idea that Ray and Jason knew more about his history than they were letting on. Clay had kept his past a secret for a reason and they weren't going to let slip they knew more.

Would Clay be pissed at them for knowing things? Would he be annoyed for them for bringing him back into his life?

"Come on really, where are we going?" Clay voice broke the silence and Jason turned to meet Clay's eyes who were staring back at him. He saw his kid's eyes flicker towards the road every so often and Jason knew that the kid was trying to work out where they were going. At the beginning of their journey, Clay had questioned him a lot. Repeatedly in fact, however thankfully he had dropped it soon after.

"Told you the first thirty times Clay..." Jason said with a smile.

"I know, I know, wait and see." Clay said resting his head against the glass of the window. He had wanted to sleep in this morning as Trent told him that he was going to be a little late as he had planned on taking Amber out for breakfast to say thank you for being so patient with him, which also meant Trent wouldn't be able to get to Jason's till at least after nine o'clock. And so a lie in was almost a possibility until Jason had woken him up with that damn light that caused him to curse under his breath.

"You are such a child," Jason said laughing a little as he said it and shook his head at how childish Clay was acting. The situation reminded him of the holidays he uses to take with Alana and the kids. Emma would be the first to complain about how long it was taking to get there.

Clay paused a second and looked at Jason before turning on his usual childish grin and asked, "Are we there yet?"

Jason sighed and grumbled a little comment about how the hell did he land himself with a Seal who acted more like a child than his own children before laughing a little as he said shaking his head, "Shut up."

"Shutting up boss"," Clay grinned before leaning back in his seat. His shoulder was really starting to bother him at the moment but not enough for him to ask for his other painkillers that Trent had given Jason before they left. He wanted to know what was going on but had a feeling that Jason wasn't going to tell him and it was starting to drive himself crazy.

"Seriously where are we going..." But then he stopped as he saw where Jason had pulled onto. They were going onto base? It didn't make any sense. Why were they going onto the base? He thought that Jason was taking him to the shops but instead took him to the base. Trent had banned him from entering base unless it was for a medical reason and he had made it clear to him that he had told them all that they weren't allowed to take him anywhere he wasn't meant to be.

"I thought Trent had me on house arrest unless it for a medical check on base?" Clay asked turning confused at Jason.

"Well, we are going to the base," Jason said, waving to a couple of the team guys they passed and continued on his way. He knew that the guys they had passed hadn't been cornered by Trent yet so they were safe for now.

"But for what?" Clay asked confused, even more so because Jason would never go against Trent's word before so why was he now? Whatever was going on, Clay knew that Trent clearly hadn't signed off on it.

Jason sighed and knew that Clay wasn't about to let this go; the kid wasn't stupid. Sooner or later he knew that Clay was going to work out what was going on and where they were going. "Look..." Jason started before turning to face Clay a little more, hoping that he wasn't going to mess everything up as he didn't want to lose Clay. But he also didn't want to lie to him.

"Look Ray told me what you said to him." He said carefully, hoping that he wasn't about to cause Clay even more pain than he was feeling now. Admitting to Clay that Ray had told him everything was hard because he was telling him that Ray had betrayed his trust.

Clay paused for a second and allowed the fact that Jason, his boss, knew what he had told Ray. He met Jason's eyes for a second before looking back out the window. He had no idea how to feel about the whole thing but he guessed that he should feel hurt and annoyed at the fact that his brothers had been talking about him. But he wasn't surprised either. He knew that all Jason and Ray wanted to do was help him.

"You don't look surprised?" Jason asked, a little confused. He had expected Clay to explode about them talking about him, this reaction was odd.

"I guess he would have filled you in." He said shrugging his shoulders, he didn't care anymore.

"You're not upset about him telling me?" Jason asked now really shocked. He had expected a little hatred or pain from Clay regarding them talking about him behind his back or the fact that Ray had blabbed to him about what he had said in private. The one thing that the team ran on more than their skills was their trust in each other for being there to watch each other's back.

"At least I don't have to repeat myself," Clay muttered before turning back to looking out of the window of the truck again.

"Why didn't you come to us before? Come to me?" Jason asked; he had thought that they had gotten through to Clay about how much they cared about him and how much Clay was family to them. So why would he keep things from them? It didn't make sense.

"I didn't want to put all my problems onto you," Clay admitted not turning to look at Jason. He couldn't look at Jason, the man was like a father to him and once again he was been a disappointment. But the one thing that he had learned from his real father was that he was not meant to show weakness. Weakness was something that he shouldn't have, he was a Seal. He wasn't meant to have a weakness. Maybe his father was right, maybe he wasn't made for being a Seal.

"I told you before that you are my responsibility Clay, you can come to me with anything. Doesn't matter what time of day or what is going on with my life, you always can come to me." Jason said gripping hold of his steering wheel as he spoke. He had seen the look on Clay's face. Angry that was what he was feeling but the anger wasn't at Clay. He knew that look, it was the same look that Clay always had after he had met up with Ash. Whatever Clay was thinking had something to do with Ash. He really wanted to have a conversation with the man that was by paper Clay's father. But really, all he wanted to do was hunt Ash Spenser down to find out what the man did to mess the kid up this much.

"I know but I..." Clay started to say but couldn't speak very well mainly because he had couldn't work out what to say. He didn't want to show Jason weakness, but he also knew that by the look on Jason's face he had worked out that he had been thinking about Ash. He just hoped that Ash and Jason never meet because he would hate for Jason to get arrested for killing the man.

"No buts kid." Jason snapped. He kicked himself for snapping at the kid, it wasn't his fault his father was a bastard.

"Ok, but will you at least tell me...why are we pulling up to the base? I don't need to see the base doctor until next week." Clay asked, knowing that if he could get Jason off the topic of his conversation with Ray then all the better.

"I know when your appointment is, I'm taking you," Jason said turning to look at Clay and turned right at the end of the road.

"Sure about that?" Clay asked he had planned to go with Sonny. He was the one brother who wouldn't ask his doctors a lot of questions, well him or Brock.

"No way in hell am I letting you out with Sonny coz the second they clear you to drink then Sonny would take you to the nearest bar and I would have to come and you both when closing time came," Jason stated throwing his arm in the air as he spoke, all he needed was them both to get shit faced and then end up in the brig for Sonny starting a fight.

"Haha, would be fun though." Clay said quietly with a little chuckle, he missed their little drinking sessions but not the hangovers after.

"Haha, not when Trent hasn't cleared you to drink," Jason said turning to look at Clay, giving him the fatherly stare that he found himself giving him a lot lately. The kid was not his but at the same time, he was. Clay belonged to him in the sense that he was under his command. But this was different, Clay was family.

"But if the doctor does..." Clay said a little confused about why he would have to get cleared by Trent before he could drink, Trent was a medic, not a doctor. But at the same time, he knew more about them than anyone. Better than any doctor.

"No, you wait till Trent says so. He knows you better than they do and unlike them, you can't trick Trent into believing that you're fine when you're not." Jason said shaking his head as he spoke. Trent could read Clay like an open book, one that had been locked up tight before they came to him. Trent also could read him to make sure that the pain that he often hid wasn't consuming him.

"But what if I am?" He asked he found it a little odd that everyone on the team counted on Trent to tell them if he was ok or not.

"Then Trent will clear you," Jason said shrugging his shoulders as he turned a corner in the road again.

"That's totally unfair." Clay moaned hitting his head off the glass and huffed.

"Get over it kid, that's what's happening," Jason said with a small grin. The kid was such a child at times and more so when things didn't go his way.

"Would you do this for any of the others?" He asked; he had always felt like the youngest child in this family and he was getting sick of it. He might be the youngest but at the same time, he had more experience in leading men than a lot of the others. But still, he was treated as the child. A lot of time he was more of an adult than Sonny and yet he was the one that was not trusted alone.

"Yes, but they know better than to argue with me." Jason shrugged his shoulders and grinned softly as he said it. Clay was always the slowest when it came to his rules and more so when it came about his own personal safety and wellbeing.

"Ok, fine. But seriously Jason where are we going? Because this road only leads to the shooting range." Clay said pointing at the road that clearly only lead to the shooting range and he remembered that Trent had banned him from going there until his shoulder was signed off.

"I know," Jason said with a little grin and looked at Clay like he was getting excited about what was about to happen. His plan made sure that the range was empty so Clay could spend as much time as he wanted up there and allowed him to work off all the anger that he had inside of him. He remembered what it was like not to have an output for his anger and it nearly drove him crazy.

"So why are we here?" Clay said as they pulled up right outside the shooting range gate and stopped.

"Because I know that maybe speaking to me or any of the other wouldn't help you deal with whatever is going on in your head," Jason said to say as he turned the car off. He needed to be honest with Clay, he wasn't about to let the kid down again. "Whether than be from what happened in Turkey or your time in Afganistan but maybe...maybe he might." Jason finished pointing at a figure who was stood at the gate of the range.

Clay turned and followed to where Jason was pointing. He froze before spinning round to look back at his boss. He was not expecting to see that man again, not after the hospital. Once he saw the man as a brother, one of his closest friends and yet as soon as he had left for Green Team he cut Foggy out of his life. He hadn't even seen the man until he had entered his hospital room. And he knew why, the blame was on him. Not Foggy. He had blamed himself for Richard's death, even when it wasn't He knew that it was practical or healthy to think that but he couldn't help it. He had been Richard's number two, it had been his job to keep him safe and he had failed.

With a sigh, he asked something he already knew. "Did you call him?" He had expected Foggy to go home and be with his family, not stick around here to see him. Also, he knew that the only way that he could be on base was Jason getting him clearance to do so.

"He asked us to keep him up to date on how you were doing," Jason explained but with the look Clay gave him, he knew that he needed to explain a little more. "Well Ray did...he doesn't blame you, you know. About what happened to Richard or you not calling him."

"I know," Clay muttered, shrugging his shoulders again and started to rub his hands over each other looking down at them as he did so.

"Then get out, go shoot something, work off all that anger before Trent works out where we are and kills us both," Jason said leaning over Clay and opening the door for him. He also quickly undid Clay's seat belt before placing his hands back on the wheel. He felt like a parent kicking his kid out of the car at their school.

"Maybe this isn't a good idea?" Clay said making no attempt to get out of the truck. Maybe he wasn't ready for this. Maybe he was going to mess everything up again? Fail Foggy and Jason. He couldn't do that, he wasn't ready.

"Clay what happened to your old co was unfair but his death wasn't on you..." Jason said gripping hold of Clay's shoulder with one hand and the other forcing Clay to look at him. "Just like the deaths of Richie and the other agents weren't on you either. Shit hits the fan all the time but all we can do about it is deal with it and after when we are safe and home remember those who didn't make it and honour them." Jason said. He saw the tears form slightly in the kid's eyes and knew that he had struck a nerve. The kid had to stop blaming himself for things that he had no control over but more importantly, he had to stop trying to be the best and start being himself.

"Thanks, boss," Clay said softly, trying to keep his emotions in check.

"Now get out of the damn truck and go show Foggins why you are DEVGRU and not a normal Seal," Jason said laughing and pushed Clay out of his truck.

"Copy that," Clay said laughing as he closed the passenger door behind him and without a second thought Jason pulled away, fast. He wasn't about to let the kid back out now. He needed to get his head on straight. Understand that they all had faults, had histories that they weren't proud of, made mistakes. But that didn't matter because they were a family and that meant knowing that someone would have their backs no matter what.


	34. Their Secret

Chapter Thirty-Four

Leaving Clay with Foggins felt like leaving one of his kids at a friend's house who he doesn't particularly trust and just hoping that his own could handle themselves. He knew that he shouldn't feel like that about Clay as he wasn't his, but at the same time, he was one of his men, his brother in arms, not a son. But he couldn't help it. he felt like he was every bit of his son in all but blood. He knew that having those feelings about one of his men was dangerous as he didn't know if he could cope with losing anyone else but he couldn't stop those feelings. He had tried. He had tried to keep Clay at arm's length in the beginning when he had first drafted Clay and he saw others try to do the same. But he had failed at that, they all did. Clay became one of them. But with that Clay always brought out his protective side. His fatherly instinct on making sure that Clay was safe, even on missions he would often find himself keeping an eye on where Clay was and if he couldn't see him then he would often find himself holding his breath when Clay didn't answer his calls straight away. The kid had gotten to him and it was all Ray's fault. Ray had wanted Clay and he quickly made a reminder to make sure that Ray knew about it.

Their plan had been a simple one and with Ray's help, they were all set. Get Clay somewhere he felt safe which on base was two locations, ever the cages or the gun range and get him to confront his past. The cages were a no go as there was a very high possibility that one of the team or support team would spot them and grass on them. So the gun range was it. Clay always felt safe there, often when it was quiet the kid would spend hours up there alone shooting at targets. A safe and quiet place for the kid to face his past in order for him to heal now. Jason had to shake his head when that came to mind as he knew that he sounded like Ray a little bit and that slightly scared him a little. Maybe he was spending a little too much time with his brothers. Also, he knew that with Clay feeling like he couldn't speak to them, then getting someone from his old team was only going to help Clay get everything out. He didn't need to pretend with him and from what Foggins had said to them, Clay was very much like a brother with them before he left for Green Team.

Sadly the kid had hidden a lot about his past from them, something that they didn't want to force out of the kid if he wasn't ready. They had to trust Clay to open up when he was ready. But all that pain that the kid was carrying around wasn't helping his current state. The demons that were in Clay's head were fighting him. They all could see that. They all had them but at the minute Clay's weren't locked in their cages anymore. Normally they locked their own pain away in cages inside their heads in order to function as normal human beings but with Clay, the pain of being with what he had gone through had caused damage to those cages, freeing the demons. They needed to get the kid to lock those demons away again and in doing so facing them as well.

Running away from the problem wasn't going to work this time. They all knew that without facing their problems only prolonged their own suffering. And sadly they all knew someone who had finally cracked because of them. Brett being one of them. Brett had taken his own life because he couldn't deal with the demons inside and in turn, had caused Clay to blame himself for not being able to save a brother. But Brett's death hadn't just affected Clay, it had also affected him. He had failed yet another brother and in turn, had forced another brother to have to deal with their brother's death alone, all because he couldn't be there for him...for both of them. He knew that he shouldn't blame himself just like Clay shouldn't blame himself for a lot of things but Clay needed to be better than him. Be a better man and Seal. Just be better. But he also knew that he couldn't put all that responsibly onto Clay when it was his job to help Clay become better than him. He had to teach him how to be better.

With their plan in motion, he knew that he would only have a few hours before they were caught. So he had to make the most of it because when their brothers found out about their plan then they were going to hit the roof. Sonny and Brock he could deal with. Mainly because Sonny would just complain about him not being invited to shoot things and Brock because he had plans. But the one person that he was more worried about was Trent. Because he knew that they were going to get the riot act read to them the moment he found out about it.

Trent was the best medic in the Seals and was the reason why he wanted him. Trent would do anything to protect his brothers, even pushing his own limits to try his best to make sure that they returned home alive and well. The guy could be harsh but they needed that. An injured Seal would never admit to being injured and it took someone strong-willed to drag it out of them when they were. That man was Trent. Jason also knew that he would often go off on his own to learn new skills and techniques that could one day save one of their lives. To be truthful, he had already saved their lives more times then they could count.

Trent may be the best medic but he was also the biggest mother hens he had ever meet and more so when it came to Clay. Clay may be the youngest of them which meant he was the little brothers but that also meant that they all babied him. It didn't matter that Clay was a well-trained Seal who had been in a lot of tuff situations before joining them, he was still their kid. They were all overprotective of him and because of that, both Ray and Jason knew that they would have never allowed their plan to go ahead.

All they would see was the overall risk to Clay's health. And they had a point, physically he knew Clay would heal. Bones would heal, muscles would kit together and the skin would heal. But all of that would take time. And sooner or later his kid would be back driving him up the wall with Sonny in no time. But it was the mental side of it all that had him worried. He knew that with Clay starting to talk to them meant he was finally understanding that bottling everything up was never a good idea. He was the prime example of that. And he wasn't about to let Clay follow in his footsteps. He was going to make sure that. But also knew that by pushing Clay, the others would see that as well and they all knew how much Clay was in pain right now. There was a risk that they would push the kid to breaking point without meaning too. But they had no chose.

Their clock was ticking, not that their brothers knew it. But they were running out of time.

To be truthful, their plan had been set in motion one night after they had sent everyone home and Clay had gone to bed. Jason remembered the conversation like it was yesterday. It was a conversation that he would never forget. As he drove towards the shops he remembered that that night was when he had thought everything was finally falling back to normality, but only to find that his world was once again being hit by another storm.

-Flashback-

Jason sighed and looked around at his empty apartment, all expect Ray. He had finally been able to send the rest of his brothers home which had been a fight in itself. He loved his brothers, he did. But sometimes he wanted to kill them. Sonny mainly though. God, sometimes he had no idea how he hadn't killed the man yet with all the crazy stuff he got up too. Gladding two cold beers from the fridge he moved into his living room, he missed the silence of his place but at the same time, he knew that Clay needed to stay with him. His brother needed him.

"Here." He said as he handed Ray the other bottle of beer before throwing himself onto the couch next to Ray.

"Thanks brother," Ray said as he opened the bottle and took a sip. He knew Jay wanted to talk about something but knew that Jay wouldn't open up with the others around.

"Want to talk about it?" Ray asked holding his beer in his hand as he watched his brother carefully. He had known Jason for years and knew when he was doing his best to keep something to himself without others seeing that he was upset.

Jason took in a large slug of his beer, the cold liquid hit the back of his throat with the force of a flash grenade and let his head fall back against the back of the couch and looked up at the ceiling. He really didn't want to have this conversation here and now with Clay being so close but Ray wasn't about to let this go. He knew his brother too well, "Do you think Clay's going to be ok?" He asked quietly, he had filled Ray in on Clay's odd behaviour a few days ago. He had hoped Ray would have some answers to what they could do to help Clay recover from this but had gotten nothing. Now he just hoped that now Ray had something to say on the matter.

"I don't know brother..." Ray started and looked down at the bottle in his hands. They were all worried about Clay. The kid wasn't completely back to normal but at the same time they couldn't work out if what Clay was doing was real or was an act. "Clay is going to get there eventually brother, with our help," Ray said taking another sip from his beer hoping that Jason would understand that this wasn't a sprint but a marathon.

A knock on the door caused both of them to turn suddenly. They weren't expecting anyone to turn up this late, Jason suddenly had a worrying thought that maybe Sonny was back drunk. But more surprising for both Ray and Jason was the fact that Blackburn walked in closing the door behind him. Both of them locked eyes and knew straight away that whatever Blackburn was going to say to them they weren't going to like it. He was also in full uniform which meant he had just come from base which only meant the cake eaters were causing problems. Again.

"Evening Blackburn," Jason said getting to his feet and quickly headed to the kitchen to pick out another beer from the fridge. He knew his Blackburn would, no need a drink after dealing with those cake eaters and quickly opened it and retook his seat on the couch as Blackburn throw himself into one of the chairs.

"How's our boy doing?" Blackburn asked nodding a thanks to the beer because he sure as well needed it. He had been getting reports on Clay's condition and had popped in a few times to see them but normally Clay was either asleep due to the meds or he was in the bathroom getting his wounds checked on.

"Better, he's getting better but we still have a long way to go," Ray said placing his bottle on the tablet before pulling out his phone to check on the time.

"Good..." Eric said taking a sip of his beer before continuing. "Thought I would find all of you here? Or are they camping out in Clay's room?" He had expected to walk in to find the living room to be filled with the rest of Bravo, instead, he found his 1IC and 2IC alone.

"No, I sent them home," Jason said with a small smiled and shook his head; he also knew that he wouldn't put it past his team to actually be camped out in Clay's room. For god sake, Sonny had actually camped on it Clay's room for a week. "Cerberus has a vet appointment for his vaccinations in the morning so Brock took him home as whenever he is here he wouldn't leave Clay's side. And Trent chose to take Amber out for dinner so he will be back in the morning." Jason finished taking another drink from his beer.

Eric smiled and nodded. "And Sonny?" He had noticed that Jason had left out their hotheaded Texan.

"We kicked him out when Lisa came to get him an hour ago. He put up a fight but the promise a beer and a take out. She is going to keep him at his place till morning. Well, at least she is going to try." Ray said with a little grin. Lisa had Sonny wrapped around her little finger.

Blackburn laughed at the comment but knew that it was true. "Ain't you going home, Ray?" He asked taking another drink, it was off that all the others would leave but Ray wouldn't. Out of all of them, Ray was married with kids so he thought that Ray would be the one to leave first. But at the same time, Ray was closest to Jason and even he could tell that there was something going on with his 1IC. Something that could cause them more problems.

Ray shook his head but smiled all the same. Normally he would be the first one to leave and spend some time with his beautiful wife and his two amazing kids but at the same time, his brothers meant a lot to him. Jason and Clay needed him. Thankfully Naima understood why he needed to be with his brothers, she also knew that Jason may think he was fine and tried to act fine but his cracks in his armour were on show. "Naima gets off her shift in an hour and I'm meeting her then to get some dinner, her parents are looking after the kids tonight."

Eric nodded. Marriages and relationships normally never lasted in the Teams. His marriage had hit the rocks a few times in his career but thankfully they had been able to stay strong even through their struggles. But sadly not everyone was so lucky. Jason and Trent, both lost relationships due to the job. Trent might have found a new relationship with Amber, but they all knew that that could change any moment. Even Clay had problems with his relationships but thankfully the kid was young. Ray and Naima were a mystery to all of them but at the same time, Naima was an amazing woman. "Bet she is glad to have you home?" Blackburn asked leaning back into his chair. Today had been a long day, it was nice just to talk to his men like normal.

"Don't know about that, she isn't pleased with us still," Ray said smirking at Jason as he took a drink, thankfully his wife had forgiven him for what had happened but knew that she was still mad at Jason. Jason scolded him with a look but didn't say anything. How could he? He was still trying to think of a way to make it up to her without having to admit she was right. Clay should have been in the hospital and the collapse on base had only proven that.

"Clay asleep?" Eric asked. Looking around to see where Clay might be; he had expected to see Clay, or at least see him get a drink with he commonly ended up doing even if his pain meds had knocked him out at the start.

"Yer, Trent gave him some meds before he left and it knocked him out," Ray said. The painkillers that Clay was still on may have been cut down but Trent had started to give him a higher dose at night to allow the kid to sleep through the whole night. His ribs made it nearly impossible to get comfortable and lately his shoulder has started to ace more when it wasn't supported. Trent had reassured them that it was just the healing progress and maybe Clay needed to keep the sling on a little longer. All Ray took from that however was the kid was healing but not as quickly as they all would like.

"So what brought you here this time of night Blackburn?" Jason asked as he emptied the remaining bottle into his mouth. All he wanted to do was to go to bed and sleep for a week but he knew that Eric would only be here if something was happening that involved them. He just wished that it didn't involve them being deployed when Clay needed him...them the most.

"I just finished been briefed with the brass about Clay's report and what they thought of our actions after the fact." Blackburn started to say but as soon as he did so his eyes fell onto the bottle in his hand. He knew that his men weren't going to like what he had to say. But it was better that it came from him then someone else.

"And?" Jason snapped. He knew that something was going on and he needed to know now before he exploded.

"What are they saying?" Ray asked. He wasn't liking this at all.

"They were happy with Clay's report and have cleared him," Eric said nodding his head at the good news.

"Good, Clay was the victim here," Ray stated. They all knew Clay was the innocent party here but they knew that the brass loved causing problems.

"I know." Blackburn sternly said. He knew Clay had suffered because of mistakes made by others but at the end of the day, the brass wanted results.

"What about us?" Ray asked if Clay had been cleared by the brass then the problem that was stressing Blackburn out was aimed directly at them and how they had found Clay.

"They weren't happy the fact that we involved the Brits but they are swallowing their pride for the fact that we were brayed by one of our own. We're in the clear for now." Blackburn stated, really he was just reporting what had been reported to him. He was happy that they had been cleared but knew that they were unlikely to hear the end of it.

"Good... Good." Jason said but in the end, he started to mutter to himself. He was happy that he and his team were cleared but that didn't stop the feeling that there was a storm coming.

"Ok, so what's the bad news?" Ray asked. Blackburn was holding something back and they both could see it.

"Why do you think there is bad news?" Eric asked hoping that he could get them to drop the subject but knew better of it.

"Because you wouldn't have driven all the way here with only good news," Jason said shaking his head, he knew Blackburn was holding something back and he wanted to know why. "What's going on Blackburn?"

"The brass have read Clay's health report from the doctors and with the injuries he has, it is unlikely he will be able to report back for duty for a while," Eric said slowly hoping that if he broke the news more slowly then he hoped that he could do some damage control.

"And it took him around eight months to get back to fitness with his leg and then they sent him on a mission without even been cleared," Ray said he was just stating the facts. Clay was one hell of Seal. And this time, he was going to do the same but only better. They all knew that he was going to kick all the records and be back with them in no time.

"I know," Blackburn said knowing that that was true. Everyone thought that Clay would have been out over a year before been allowed to return but he had made it in eight months. Well nearly had.

"So what do they want him to do smash that? If so then you're telling Trent." Ray said putting his now empty beer bottle on the tablet next to Jason's. If the brass thought that they could push Clay to get back before he was ready then they were wrong. There was no way in hell were they going to let them possibly hurt there brother by pushing him too far. No way.

"It's not that..." Blackburn started to but then paused. This was one of the hardest things he had to, but he needed to do it.

"Then what?" Jason snapped. He was losing his patience now.

"They just want you to take on a draft until Clay is cleared to return to duty." There he said it. Eric had finally gotten the words out. He had gotten the poison words out of his mouth. He hatred believing bad news to his men but sadly that was his job.

"What? They want us just to replace him?" Ray snapped and quickly shot up from his seat so he was resting his elbows onto his knees. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. The brass wanted them to replace Clay? What the hell for? The kid wasn't out yet, he would heal and get back to them tougher than ever.

"Just until they clear him to return," Eric said but knew that it didn't matter anymore. Bravo knew that the brass wanted them to replace Clay and that was all they were going to hear.

"No. Nope. Not happening!" Jason snapped allowing all the anger to appear in his voice and he found himself on his feet pacing the room. He couldn't stop himself, the cake eaters were trying to take their kid away from them. His kid. That wasn't happening. Nope. He wasn't going to let that happen.

"Don't they realise Clay is going to think we are replacing him?" Ray asked, not wanting to think about how Clay was going to react to the news. The kid was already douting his place within Bravo and then the brass go and do this to him. He would think that he was worthless. That he was done when he was far from it.

"We're not. Clay's place on Bravo will still be there for him when he gets cleared." Eric said hoping that they would believe him. They weren't about to lose Clay after everything that had happened. He wasn't about to lose the kid that everyone knew would one day take over 1IC on Bravo.

"Why? What reason do they have for this? What is their excuse?" Jason demanded, gone was the fact he was talking to his CO. He wanted answers but at the same time knew better than to raise his voice too much, not wanting to wake Clay back up.

"They worried about the brain bleed. They had to crack his skull, with a brain injury that bad they are concerned that maybe he will have other issues if he returns to duty." Blackburn said getting to his feet and moving towards Jason. He needed his 1IC to learn to him.

"I have been whacked a few times in the head, so has Ray, hell Sonny is still operating." Jason snapped looking directly at Blackburn, the brass wasn't going to get away with telling Clay he was done. When he wasn't. Not yet.

"I know that Jason but with everything else they are worried that maybe Clay's body wouldn't be able to operate again," Eric said crossing his arms.

"Bottom line Blackburn, are they talking about discharging him?" Jason asked hoping that maybe he was overthinking things.

"Maybe," Eric said sadly. He just hoped that they took the news better than he did. He had nearly killed the commander that told him and now he was the officer in charge of keeping the dogs in their kennels.

-Flashback ends-

Jason knew that his team was going to hit the roof when they found out. But he also knew that he couldn't keep it a secret for too much longer. They needed to know and so did Clay because this wasn't going away. They had to face it now and fight it together. Like always.


	35. Truths Out

Chapter Thirty-Five

As Jason pulled up to his place he smiled at the number of vehicles that lined the road. He thankfully knew that his neighbours understood as many of them were themselves in the armed forces and knew how close-knit the teams were. And seeing all the vehicles made him proud of his team, his brothers. They had come together as a force to be reached with when it came down to protecting one of their own. They were family, and right now his brothers had come together to support the one brother that needed them the most.

He quickly noticed that in front of Ray's car was Sonny's motorbike. Sonny must have been sobered enough to drive to his place on it as his brother would never do anything to risk hurting his 'baby' by driving drunk or with a hangover. Sonny prided himself on making sure that his motorbike was well looked after, even when he was deployed. When they were deployed he had asked the MPs at the gate to look after it, even making sure they kept it out of the rain for him so something would rust.

Jason found himself smiling at the thought that his place was full of the people that were his family. He would do anything to protect them, even if it was from themselves. He had protected Sonny from himself a few times, normally after a bad mission or a bad night drinking. But it didn't matter what his brothers did or said, he loved them. Which was what was killing him right now. This whole situation was killing him because he knew that as soon as he walked through his door he was going to hurt them. He hated doing this but they needed to know what was going on. By keeping this secret from them at first was their way of delaying the painful conversation they were going to have to have with the rest of the team.

Lying to his brothers made him hate himself more but he hated hurting them which was why today was d-day. He had to tell them today. His brothers needed to know what was going on. Sooner or later they were going to find out, maybe it would be less painful for them to hear it from him and not someone else on base. But that didn't make it any easier. They needed to know what problems they were facing before he sat down and explained everything to Clay. The kid was going to need their support with this. He knew that this was going to shatter Clay when he learned the truth. But at the same time, he couldn't keep Clay in the dark.

The kid had shown his worth and he was not about to let the kid think that it had all been for nothing. They weren't losing him to a medical discharge, the doctor had said that Clay could... could return as long as he healed and was able to pass all the tests 100%. If Clay could survive getting blown up and nearly losing both legs then hell the kid could survive this. And that was their safety line at the moment. One that he was going to have to use to the bitter end. Clay was young and strong, he was going to get back to normal in no time with their help.

They all suffered brains, god he had suffered them enough himself. The one that had affected him the most was his injury from the helo crash. That one had really messed him up. After they had gotten home and the incident in the restaurant, to which the brass had heard about, he had gotten help from the doctors. That in itself had been one of the reasons why Bravo had been grounded for so long. In his defence, he had thought he was fine. Well, not really but he wasn't about to let Steve and the rest of Echo down. They had to finish what they had started in order to get some justice for their fallen brothers. Steve was his brother, someone he had come up with which made him family. He had to make those responsible pay for what had happened. Cutter needed to pay for what he had done. He had planned their brothers' deaths, he had sent six men to their deaths, good men. And they had made sure that he paid for it. He had gotten justice for their fallen brothers.

A head injury was nothing. He could live with a head injury, he couldn't have lived with himself if he let the bastard get away with what he had done. Well that was what he thought, Alana, Ray, Blackburn and all of his doctors said otherwise. The doctors most of all. Blackburn and Ray understood why he had done what he had done and so did Alana to a point but she hadn't seen the video. The video of Echo's deaths. But he knew she meant well. She had been his best friend and god did he miss her. Miss their talks and miss their arguments which was a little strange but true. She was his better half and he missed having her by his side. But she had also made him stronger and helped him when he needed her the most. She had kept him grounded when he had suffered the head injury and just like him, he knew Clay would define all the odds and came back stronger. They were going to make sure of it.

As he waited in his truck, he kicked himself for not wasting more time before pulling up at his place. After dropping Clay off at the gun range he had popped in to see Blackburn to give him the heads up of where Clay was, which had gone down better than he had first thought. Blackburn had understood why he had done what he had done and had even promised to make sure Clay got back to his house in one piece. Saying that if needed, he would personally drop Clay off. Blackburn was one of the best commanders he had ever had, the man cared about his men.

After leaving Blackburn he had then headed to the shops to pick up some lunch. Thankfully with Naima's and Amber's help, they had a full fridge still but it wouldn't last for long as the boys were physically eating him out of house and home. But as he walked around the aisle he didn't really pay much attention to what he picked up, he didn't really care. He had gone down the vegetable aisle at least four times looking at the same thing. He had picked up a few things that he knew he needed like milk and coffee but also he made sure that he picked up pizza for tonight. They needed some comfort food after everything was out in the open. But he needed to make sure that he picked up the right ones as well. If he got their orders wrong then all bets were off.

But at least one of of his brothers would care and that was Cerberus. Their four-legged brother wouldn't really care what they got coz they always ended up slipping him a crust or two when Brock wasn't looking. And for a really really special treat, they on occasion slipped him a piece of meat or cheese when Brock had left the room or wasn't watching. Tonight, Jason knew that Cerb was going to be treated very well tonight and their pup deserved it. Cerb had been the one that had lead them to Clay, he alone had worked out where Clay had been hidden. And in the end, had saved his life. But also had saved them from having to bury another brother. Something that would have destroyed them all.

As he sat inside his truck he looked behind him at the two bags that sat on his back seat. He clocked the five pizza boxes. Barbecue sauce and chicken for Sonny which was an odd combination but it kept Sonny quiet, well until he was finished it and started complaining again. Anything to keep him from having to listen to his brother moan about really anything. He also had picked up two pepperoni pizzas for Trent and Ray, either of them were too fussy about their toppings but pepperoni was their favourite. He also remembered to pick up two of them instead of one large one, mainly because sharing pizzas always ended up in a fight if they were hungry or stressed. Even a large one.

He had picked up a normal size ham and mushroom for both himself and Clay. The kid didn't have much of an appetite lately which had been a little concerning coz the kid would normally eat much about anything you put in front of him. Sometimes they had joked about the kid been a bottomless pit as before all of this they had seen Clay once polish off three medium pizzas in one night. However, Trent had been the one to remind them that the kid was still on some pretty strong painkillers and had gone through some pretty serious surgery and that included some pretty horrible abdominal surgery to stop the bleeding. Which sometimes cause problems eating a large meal. The kid was happy with small amounts of food but often would leave at least half of every sitting but at least was eating. And for Brock, he had picked up a ham and pineapple one, his favourite. Sonny was going to hit the roof with it being in the room with what he called an abomination and crime against food but that was what Brock liked and so he was going to have to get over himself.

Sadly that wasn't going to be the only fight that was going to happen between them but he wished it was. By telling his brothers it meant that Clay had more support, more people there to help him get back to full fitness without risking his health. He knew that he was risking Clay's health himself by leaving him at the range but he also trusted Clay not to push himself too much that could result in him injuring his shoulder again. But at the same time, the only other place that he found Clay truly relax was with his rifle in his hands. If shooting his rifle helped him relax and believe that he was still useful to them then what hurt could it do. He knew that Trent wouldn't see it like that but it was something that he needed to do.

But thinking about how close his brothers, made him remember that they would never abandon Clay, they would never abandon one of their own. That was something that was engraved in their DNA. For Clay, they didn't abandon him when he had fallen through that hole into the cellar with fighters right above him even though they had been ordered too. That had really made their blood boil when they had heard that though the radio. He was never going to leave one of his men no matter who ordered him too. It could have been his old team leader and he still would have ignored it. Also thankfully, the General had backed down after they had returned as they had still completed this mission. They had gotten their previous drone and got out with their straps alive. So he couldn't say a thing.

Also, they hadn't abandoned him when he got shot in the chest in Mumbai. Trent had saved his life that day. The shot of adrenaline had brought Clay back to them, and when Jason had clocked the bruise on the kid's chest he knew straight away that without Clay's body armour they would be burying two brothers instead of one. Clay even though injured had even come back stronger and had made sure that they didn't leave Adam there. They had brought him home. Something that he was forever regretful for.

And then there was the bombing in Manila. The event that had nearly cost them their youngest. The worst thing was that after he had heard the second blast he had no idea that one of his own was in danger. He was so focused on helping Trent save a man's life that he had not seen Clay go out onto the street. It was only Sonny's shout that he relieved that Clay could have been in danger. Before he could say anything, Sonny had run out into the street before they could get to their feet but followed him. Finding Clay lying there in the street bloody and broken was his worst nightmares. The kid wasn't really with it when they had gotten to him but maybe that was for the best. His legs had been a real mess. On the ride to the hospital, after he had called Blackburn to tell him that Clay had been hurt, all he could do was hold Clay's hand. He knew that it must look odd to the paramedic who was sat at Clay's head but he didn't care. The kid needed to know that he was still there, but what was worse was that Clay didn't look like he was in pain. The kid's face was straight, he knew that it was more likely that Clay was in shock but it still scared him. All types of questions flicked through his mind as they moved towards the hospital. Would Clay lose his legs? Were his nerves shot? Would he be able to return to Bravo?

But Clay had been able to work his way back to them, he had worked so hard but now he had to do it all again. However this time, they were going to be there for him every step of the way. Last time they had still been deployed and Clay's care was left up to Swanny and himself. After Clay lost Swanny, he was alone. He never wanted Clay to feel like that again. Not as long as he was still alive.

Breaking out of his own head, Jason looked down at the clock in his truck noticing that he had wasted another ten minutes just sitting there outside his place. He knew that from the moment he had pulled up we was been watched, more likely by Ray who was sat in a room full of his brothers who had no idea what was happening. Clay needed time with his old teammate, not just to address the past but also find someone to talk to that knew him better. The longer he could stall the guys the better. As it would give Clay more time to open up to Foggins. All Clay needed was time and a safe place to talk. But he knew that he couldn't sit there any longer because if he did then one or more of his brothers would come out trying to find out why he was sitting there and in turn see that Clay wasn't with him.

With a sigh and when he built up the courage to even move, he had finally been able to pull himself from his seat. Why did this have to keep happening to his family? Was the one question that kept replaying in his head again and again. It was like the whole world was against him and it had felt like that for the past two years. He was losing everyone he cared about or come close too. He had lost Nate, Steve and rest of Echo Team, Alana, Adam and then Swanny. He didn't know if he could survive losing anyone else but he nearly had. He nearly lost Ray, Sonny, Trent and now Clay again. He couldn't lose any more family. He would rather die before he allowed that to happen.

Collecting the shopping bags and the little present for the guys which was the case of beer he slowly headed towards his place, locking his truck as went. He knew that Clay wasn't allowed to drink but the boys could and they were going to need it after he told them what had been happening behind their backs. He knew that he was dragging his feet as he made his way to his front door. He so didn't want to do this.

With a deep breath, he quickly slipped inside and closed the door quietly before scanning the room in front of him to find each one of his brothers. He smiled and shook his head as none of his brothers bothered to look up or get up and help him with the bags. Nothing. Brock, Sonny and Cerberus were in his living room. Sonny was laid flat on one of the chairs with his feet set on his coffee table. Cerberus and Brock were sat on the couch facing the TV. They were watching what looked like an episode of the A-Team. He spotted Ray sat at his dining room table with a cup of coffee next to him reading a book. But Jason knew that as the coffee cup was still streaming hot then it was fresh. He had been right. Ray had been the one that he had felt watching him when he pulled up. He also spotted Ray's phone on the table next to him. He had a feeling that Ray had likely checked his phone every ten minutes since they left, just in case he was needed. But what worried him the most was that Trent was nowhere in sight, he knew that he was still there as his car was outside but it worried him that he couldn't see him.

"Got pizza and beer." He said out loud since none of them turned to look at him. Well, that wasn't true. Cerberus had raised his head from the couch and his tail had started to go like crazy. At least one of his brothers missed him and was glad to see him.

But then again, when they weren't working and/or if someone he knew offered him food then the pup was their best friend. Sonny had once claimed that he was Cerberus best friend and that he could prove it as he called Cerb over to him one night when Brock had ordered him to stay. However, he only had achieved it because he had a piece of his chicken taco hidden behind his back. Brock had taken two hours and a little help from Davis to find out how he did it. And he wasn't happy about it.

"Beer?" Sonny asked turning in his seat to look at Jason more clearly, he was a little confused. Jason and Ray had both laid down the law about no alcohol in Jason's apartment which if they broke would mean they were running laps of the base for the seeable future. And here now, Jason was breaking his own rule? That didn't make sense. "Thought we were on cold turkey along with peter pan?" He asked crossing his arms. The only reason he had agreed to leave with Lisa was to drink. However, he hadn't been enjoying it like he normally did. He always liked drinking with Lisa and it reminded him that she was the one person that knew the real him but he missed Clay.

Clay had been like a little brother to him ever since their first deployment. At first, he was a little pain but as time went on he found himself caring for the kid a lot more than anyone else. He hated having to leave Clay at all. It didn't matter that Jason was going to be with him, he didn't want the kid out of his sight. He was scared that if he did then they could lose him again. The only reason why he had left him was because of Lisa. She had pointed out a really good reason and that was that Clay would be the first one to have a go at him for sitting around him doing nothing when he could be out enjoying himself.

"You refusing free beer Sonny?" Jason asked with a smile and a little chuckle as he shook his head. He knew Sonny would never turn down a free beer and more so when he had been deprived of it for so long, but also knew that he wasn't stupid. None of them were. He knew right away that Sonny had worked out something was up with him.

"Didn't say that now did I?" Sonny said with a grunt, he would never turn away a free beer but something wasn't right. He turned a little more to watch Jason a little more carefully. There was no way Jason would have left the kid in the truck even if he was asleep, none of them were letting the kid out of their sight for longer than a few minutes at a time so there was no way he would leave him unsupervised in the truck. Jason would more likely wake Clay up enough so the kid could walk himself into the house before sending him straight to bed. Something was wrong as Jason didn't even look bothered that Clay wasn't with him. And since Jason didn't look like he was going to explain their missing kid he asked. "Think you lost something." He said picking up his bottle of water from beside his chair.

"Only thing I lost today Sonny is fifty bucks for how much food I have to buy," Jason said moving towards Ray and meeting his eye as he placed the food and beer down on the dining room table, not wanting to leave the room just in case he ran right into Trent. Ray nodded at Jason's look and knew that Clay was ok when he dropped him off and that he had no problems getting Clay onto base.

"Haha. Funny." Sonny said shaking his head at Jason's attempt of distraction. "No, more like lost something important," Sonny said dropping his feet onto the floor which allowed him to turn his entire body to watch Jason and Ray more carefully. He knew something was going on between their 1IC and 2IC, something that he knew he wasn't going to like.

"Think you have had too much coffee, Sonny," Ray said with a smile and getting a small laugh of out Brock who was sat watching the conversation as if it was entertainment. Ray had put his book down the moment Jason had entered the room, he had tried to keep himself busy from the moment Jason and Clay had left so he didn't have to answer a hundred questions. He didn't want to outright ask Jason if everything went ok but he wanted to, he needed to know if their plan was working. Or had they made everything worse.

"Or not enough?" Brock muttered with a grin as he ran his fingers through Cerb's fur looking. Since Clay wasn't there to do it, he had taken on the job. He loved annoying Sonny because he knew that their brother was hiding his pain and at the same time missed the brotherly banter he had with Clay. Brock himself missed having Clay to back him up when they were annoying Sonny and Trent. He missed being able to sit with his brother just reading peacefully without anyone annoying them. Clay hadn't really been up to just sitting as he couldn't sit in one position for very long as his body wouldn't allow it.

"Shut up Brock," Sonny snapped glaring at him, they both knew something was going on between the two other men and knew that sooner or later they were going to get it out of them.

Jason broke off eye contact with Sonny and Brock and quickly scanned the room before asking "Where's Trent?" Trent was still nowhere in sight and that scared him, did Trent know something was happening.

"On the phone in the kitchen," Ray said quietly, at the same time he gave Jason a worrying look. They knew something was up. The last time Ray had that worried look was when they had been outgunned and surrounded, thankfully they had made it out alive but at the same time, it was what had happened. Ray and Jason were outnumbered by two. And Cerberus packed one hell of a bite. They were screwed if Cerb got involved. But the fact that Trent was on the phone away from the others meant only two things. One that they had been made and they knew something was wrong with Clay. Or two, Trent knew where Clay was. Ray didn't know which one was worse.

"Ok..." He started with as he knew that he needed to get the attention off himself and onto something else. And thankfully he had found one. "...now can you get Cerb off the couch; he leaving dog hair everywhere," Jason asked shaking his head as he clocked another hairball in the corner of the room that was still just rolling around the room. Cerb was malting and it was driving him nuts. His place was a little bare still but he liked it clean, and their hairy brother was not helping him and he wasn't talking about Sonny.

"You don't mind him on there when he's with Clay," Brock stated as he ran his fingers through Cerberus' coat. It was true that his pup was shedding a lot lately and maybe a little more so than normal. But he wasn't concerned as he knew why and from talking to the base vet he knew that stress could be a factor in Cerb losing his coat. Dogs were very good at picking up on people's emotion and Cerb was no different. He knew something was wrong with his human brothers and was one of the reason's why he hadn't left Clay's side.

"Well, Clay isn't here so off," Jason said, shaking his head, motioning his hand to tell Brock to get him off the couch. But then stopped, he knew the had shot himself in the foot with that one but he did want the dog off his couch.

"So where is he then? Did you leave him in the store playing that damn shooting game coz you know that the kid can spend like all day playing that if you let him?" Sonny said pointing out the obvious, the kid could play that game for hours if they let him and had done at Mikey's birthday party when their kid crushed all of the games high scores. But that day was a good memory for Jason as he remembered how Mikey had loved showing Clay off to his friends. Clay was very much like a big brother to his kids and that day he was just another one of the kids.

"Nothing gets by you Sonny does it," Ray said with a laugh at the memory. He had basically had to drag Clay off that game when food had arrived and remind him that he was an adult. However, Naima had told him to leave him be as Clay was doing something that very much pleased them as he was keeping the kids busy so none of them were annoying them or fighting each other. But at the same time, Ray and Jason both knew what was coming or at least what question was coming.

"Shut up and answer the damn question?" Sonny snapped, he knew that Jason was babying them about something and he wanted to know why. Whatever was going on had something to do with Clay and why he wasn't there with them.

Ray and Jason both looked at each other trying to work out how to tell their brothers the truth. But before they could say anything a bang came from the kitchen and a quiet muffled curse. It sounded like someone had slammed down something hard onto the kitchen worktop. A worried look now became one of panic. Whoever had been on the phone had really pissed Trent off.

"What the hell boss!" Trent's voice exploded from the kitchen and then all Ray and Jason wanted to do was run. Their eyes both darted towards each other and knew that whatever had happened was because of them. Hell was going to explode right in front of them in the next few minutes and escape was not possible. All they could do was to hold together until they calmed down. If they forgave them that was. Even Cerberus jumped to his feet and jumped off the couch with his hackles up at the sound of Trent shout. To be truthful they all jumped. Brock's eyes darted between Sonny, Jason and Ray to where Trent's voice came from and then quickly gripped hold of Cerberus' collar just in case. He knew that Cerberus wouldn't do anything to hurt one of his brothers but if he was scared or shocked then all bets were off. He was after all still a dog.

A second later a very pissed off and red-faced Trent came storming into the room. In his own opinion, Ray had never seen Trent this pissed off for a really long time. Whoever he had been on the phone with had not told him what he had wanted to hear. In that moment, Ray only could guessed that maybe their little plan had been found out. That, someone, had told him what was going on. Ray knew that if Trent had found what was happening by someone else then the trust that they had built within the team was on the line. They had to trust each other in order to do what they did every day. And Jason and him had broke that trust.

"Hi to you too Trent," Jason called and turned to face his now pissed off medic with a sigh. He knew that he had to face the very pissed off medic now or his anger would only get worse.

"Seriously? After everything, we went through with his doctors and Lucas. The gun range?" Trent said at an almost shout. He was beyond pissed now. He had planned Clay's recovery as best he could with the information he had been given by Clay's doctors. Which included what he could and couldn't do yet without being signed off by a doctor. And for his boss to take him to the gun range confused the hell out of him. Why was Jason risking Clay's health when he knew he wasn't ready? He wouldn't do that, would he? But then again something must have happened to cause this, he thought. Trent knew that Jason wouldn't have risked Clay's health for no reason, but why hadn't he informed him of it? Whatever was going on Ray and Jason both knew about it.

"What about the gun range?" Sonny asked looking between Trent and Jason now really confused about what was going on. Whatever had happened had something to do with the gun range but had no idea what. The last time he had heard of the gun range mentioned since they had gotten back was when Ray had asked Blackburn how far along Green Team were.

"He left Clay there," Trent said throwing his arms in the air and started to pace the floor. His anger was getting the better of him, normally he had good control over his emotions but right now he couldn't stop the emotion from grabbing hold of him. He was so confused right now.

"What?" Brock asked letting go of Cerberus' collar since he had felt his pup relax enough to know that he wasn't a threat. But now he was even more confused about what the hell was going on. "I thought he wasn't..." He started to say trying to understand what was happening as he thought Clay had been banned from doing anything too physically until he had been cleared by the doctors but couldn't even finish the sentence before Trent jumped in.

"He isn't," Trent pacing now around in circles trying to work out what could have caused Jason to agree to this. It didn't make any sense.

"How the hell did you find out?" Jason asked, wanting to know how Trent had found out where Clay was but more importantly did he knew why? Did Trent know what the brass wanted to do? If he didn't then he had to tell them, he had to be the one to break the bad news to his brothers. No one else. It was all on him. Before anyone else did.

Trent stopped and turned angrily to Jason with a little snarl like he couldn't believe that was what Jason was going with. How he found out? No Jason should have told him about his stupid plan before now. "Coz Big Chief just called me..." Trent snapped and then continued. "...He saw Clay at the range when he went up there to get something, he knew very well that he wasn't meant to be there yet. Did you really think I wouldn't find out?" Trent shouted. The only thing he had left out wad the fact that Big Chief had been told by Blackburn that Clay was allowed to be there without been given a good enough reason.

When he had gotten the call from Big Chief he had thought it was to do with the training he had agreed to help out with with the new Green Team members, medical training was one of the steps that they had to complete. What he had not expected to hear was the fact that Clay, an injured Seal who was confirmed to the house was currently firing his rifle at targets like they were going out of fashion. Not to mention that Big Chief had said that the kid was smashing every record ever set on the range. But more so that some guy was with him that from what little description Big Chief gave he had no idea who they were. He was now so pissed off at his team leader that it was on a new scale that he didn't even know he had.

"Was hoping..." Jason muttered, rubbing his hand over his face. He had never thought about how this was all going to turn out, how they would react but he had hoped that he would get the worst news out of the way before telling them why they had set in motion the plan they were currently in.

"We got to tell them, Jay," Ray muttered looking directly at Jason, this had gone on long enough. They needed to know.

"Tell us what?" Brock asked, now annoyed as well. Cerberus had sat back down and watched his brothers, he had no idea what was going on but it involved his favourite brother who was missing.

"You all might want to sit down for this," Jason said, nodding towards the seat before sitting himself down not really making any eye contact with any of them because he couldn't. As he sat he automatically started to run his fingers through Cerberus fur who had moved to sit next to him. He was thankful for the movement as it gave him something else to focus on.

"Now you are scaring us..." Brock muttered as he made eye contact with the others. They were all feeling the same. Whenever Jason had bad news he would often do his best to find something to distract himself. Trent pulled one of the dining room chairs closer to the others and Ray moved his chair so he was closer to them. They needed to come together on this. Or they were going to lose Clay.

"Look a few days ago..." Jason started with a sigh before restarting but this time he looked up at his brothers as he spoke, "Blackburn came to give us an update on what the brass had to say on the op and its outcome." He knew that he had to explain the whole situation to get his brothers to understand what was happening but before he could continue Sonny exploded.

"Whisky Tango Foxtrot. The kid did nothing wrong and all we did was clean up the mess that they created..." He snapped ripping his hat off his head. He was so sick of the brass thinking they knew better. He could feel his anger start to rise inside him and knew that sooner or later his anger would break its bank and cause him to truly explode.

"We know Sonny," Ray said trying to keep himself calm as well as Sonny but at the same time knew where the anger was coming from. They all had it. The whole situation stunk and from the moment they had been made aware of it had really been eating at him, Clay was their brother and it felt like they were letting him down all over again.

"Well, maybe we have to remind the cake eaters that we are the ones that had to clean up the mess that they had created..." Sonny said as he cracked his knuckles. He would love to tell those cake eaters what he really thought about them and by his methods not theirs. Blaming Clay for their own mess was completely out of order, the kid had nearly given his life protecting his country and if they thought they could just blame the kid for their failures then they were wrong. He was going to show then how out of line they were with his fists.

"We are not doing that Sonny," Ray said shaking his head. He was not about to let Sonny throw his career away for punching an officer or two and he knew Clay wouldn't either. Clay would never ask one of his brothers to put their careers on the line for him. That was just who the kid was, always worrying about everyone else.

"Why not? He's right," Brock said, a little confused about what was really doing on but he did agree with Sonny on the fact that the brass couldn't pin the blame on Clay when he was one of the victims. He was kidnapped, tortured and then drowned. The kid had survived hell. He deserved respect.

"Look, they cleared him and us of everything. We are in the clear." Jason said looking around at them all and made sure they listened to him. At least they didn't have to worry about the brass saying they had crossed a line or question their AARs again. He knew that they wouldn't be able to handle the brass questioning their decisions about how to save their brother's life and get him home in one piece. That would have ended in some of them been court marshalled. And for Sonny spending some time in the brig.

"So what's going on?" Trent asked he knew that Jason was hiding something and it must be big enough to cause this much worry.

Jason sighed and closed his eyes before starting to speak, "The Brass are wanting us to take on a new draft." The silence that followed scared him. He opened his eyes to see the confused look on all of his brothers except Ray.

"Ok...but only until Clay gets back right?" Brock asked a little confused about what Jason was getting at. They had taken on straps all the time, for god's sake, Clay had been their strap before he had joined them. So why was Jason so stressed about this? It didn't make sense.

"No...Maybe..." Jason said looking down at his hands. He hated saying it out loud as it made it all true.

"What? They want us to replace Clay?" Sonny exploded, he jumped to his feet before throwing his hat on the coffee table and started to pace in front of the TV. Now he was pissed. He couldn't control it anymore and Jason was pretty lucky that he didn't punch his living room wall. They were not taking Clay from them. Nope. That was not happening.

"They don't think he is going to be cleared to return to active duty. Not with the type of head injury he has." Jason said now finding it impossible to keep the emotion out of his voice. The brass was trying to break up his family. And he knew that his brothers could hear the stress in his voice. Normally he was the one that fixed things for his team but this. He had no idea how to fix this.

"But the doctors said..." Trent said shaking his head with real confusion. He had been at every single one of Clay's doctors' visits and had seen all of their notes including all of his scans. So far, Clay was showing great promise about returning to active service. Even with the head injury. Clay was healing. So why were the brass jumping to make the decisions of benching Clay without consulting his doctors? And why would they think they would be ok with this? Clay was their brother. They weren't about to leave him hanging when he needed them the most.

"We know," Ray said with a sigh before looking at the rest of his brothers. "Look when Clay gets back to full fitness his spot on Bravo is safe, we have made that very clear to the brass and Blackburn is backing us on that but the brass are concerned that he will never fully recover from these injuries," Ray said trying to calm the now the room down but knew that it wasn't going to work. They were all too pissed now, even Cerberus was growling.

"That's bull. Clay is healing, the doctors said it. We were all there. And yes it might take months but his legs took nearly eight months. He is healing faster than anyone we know." Brock snapped but looked at Trent for confirmation that he had gotten the information correct. Trent nodding with his statement. The brass was wrong. Clay was healing and was coming back to them, it might take time but he was. They had no doubt in that.

"I know. Look Blackburn tried his best to try to get them to change their mind but they overruled him. Clay's spot on Bravo is safe but they want us back to full strength in case we need to deploy. But we need to remind Clay that we aren't replacing him, we are just getting someone to keep his seat warm." Jason said looking around the room now meeting each one of his brother's eyes. This was going to be hard but they needed to do it together

"Wait a sec..." Trent said looking shocked at Jason, "...he doesn't know?" The fact that Jason hadn't told Clay straight away about what was happening shocked him more than finding out the brasses were trying to stick their noses into the team's dynamic. But also a little pissed that he had waited this long to tell them and Clay. The poor kid needed to know that they were always going to be honest with him and Jason had betrayed that trust.

"No," Jason said, now sounding a little depressed. "I don't want to put more pressure on him then what he is still dealing now. It's not fair, I know..." Jason added looking directly at Trent as he had been the one to ask the question. He didn't know if he could look at Brock or Sonny just yet. "But the kid needs to deal with the problems he has now before we add to them..." Jason explained, hoping that his brothers would understand. Clay was already dealing with a lot and any more... He was worried that if he pushed Clay too far then he would go over the edge. Lose hope. "Right now, I have him dealing with one of those problems." He added pointing to the floor. With one problem hopefully solved then maybe he could handle this news.

"And that would be?" Sonny snapped because he was stilled pissed at what had happened to ask nicely. He had stopped his angry pacing when Jason had started to explain more but he was still too pissed to sit back down.

"Clay thinks he isn't up to be on Bravo anymore," Ray said quietly but clearly. "He told me before all this mess that his aim was off. Like really off and he was so scared that it meant that he wasn't up to being in DEVGRU anymore."

Ray's comment floored them all except Jason. They had no idea that the kid had felt like that. They had failed him. More so than they first thought.

"So what are we going to do?" Trent asked quietly, they couldn't fight the brass, even if they wanted too. Not without losing their careers. But doing nothing as had too meant betraying Clay. And that felt so wrong. Clay was their brother, their kid brother who they needed to protect and at the same time had to replace him. Not fully but to Clay, it would look like it.

"I don't know Trent. I don't know" Jason finally admitted and looked hopefully at his brothers for the answer. They all knew what they were going to have to do, tell Clay that they had to bring in someone to take his place on Bravo. But at the same time, get Clay back to full fitness so he could come home and take his rightful place in Bravo.

They just had no idea how they were going to do it without breaking the kid's trust. Clay trusted very few and more so as time went on, would he see them as betraying him? Would he understand? Or would he turn and run from them? Whatever was going to happen they had to work out how they were going to fix it, just in case. Because overall, they weren't about to lose Clay like they lost their other brothers. Like they lost Swanny. No, they weren't going to let Clay feel that alone that he would do something like that. Nope. Not happening.

They had lost enough brothers due to suicide and in the line of duty. They were family after all and that meant they stuck together, to the very end.


	36. Bitter Truth

Chapter Thirty-Six

He was so tired, it was unbelievable.

All he wanted to do was to literally fall into Jason's spare bed and sleep for as long as humanly possible. Well, if he was allowed to as he knew that Trent would more than likely wake him up every few hours to make sure that he hadn't died and get him to eat something. Something that they were all doing lately, it was either food or a protein shakes or meds. But then again he wouldn't be able to sleep that long because my God could Sonny talk loud, even when he was trying to whisper.

On the other hand, he had one of the best protection system money could buy to protect him from his annoying brothers. Cerberus. At least he had one brother who would happily curl up in bed with him and sleep for as long as he wanted. He knew that Cerb had been a little bit more protective of him lately and had even chosen to stay with him instead of Brock when they were all together. At first, he didn't know what was going on as Cerberus normally stayed close to Brock but then again Cerb always glued himself to him whenever he was injured.

But on the plus side, Cerberus was a really good hot water bottle during the night. During the night, he always made sure that the window was left open to allow the air to brush across his face. It was funny, that the moving air relaxed him enough to allow his brain to switch off even for a few moments. It was something that he had picked on ever since he was a kid that as long as he had air moving around a room he could sleep. It didn't matter if it was hot or cold as long as there was air moving around him he could sleep.

However, right now he wished his brain would shut off right now. Coz all he wanted to sleep. Which right now really pissed him off. He knew that he should feel tired with everything going on, he was healing after all. But struggling to keep his eyes open was really starting to annoy him. He was a tier-one operator and he could barely stay awake for more than a few hours before needing to take a nap. That he was so tired lately that he couldn't fall back into a normal routine, there was no way he was going to be able to go back to Bravo like this, if ever. And that scared him.

All he wanted in life was to be a Navy Seal Tier One Operator, it was the only job he saw himself doing. Unless he counted that one time that he had been offered a really good job when he lived in South Africa and to be honest he had really considered it but his dream had always been a Seal and so here he was. He didn't know what he would do with himself if the Navy turned around and said he was done. He was not meant to be weak. He hated been weak, he was always told that he could never show weakness to anyone. That his emotion was not important and he had to lock it all away and continue with their missions. Seals don't show emotions. That was what Ash told him. He knew that it was stupid to listen to Ash but all of the other operators were the same. They didn't show their emotions so when he did show it he hated himself for it. Maybe he was the weak man Ash told him he was.

But today at least he had been a good day, he was proud of himself that he managed this long before he felt like he was going to pass out. Going to the range had really helped him get out of his head. He had thankfully had managed a good few hours on the range with perfect shots before his exhaustion got the better of him and his aim started to slip. That pissed him off even more because normally he could spend all day on the range shooting at targets till his heart's content. But he had only managed a few hours before he started to fill too tired to even hold his rifle. Foggins had finally called it after his fifth failed shot. His brother knew how good his shot was normally and had finally taken his rifle off him before he got too annoyed with himself. And it was a good thing he did as when he went to stand, he suddenly became so dizzy that without Foggins' help he would have face planted the floor.

Foggins had taken him back to Jason's without a word and Clay was thankful for that. He needed sleep, he had gotten a short nap on the way home. It's all he wanted right now. As they pulled up outside Jason's place, Clay thanked his brother for everything and promised to call him later to plan a catch up with the rest of his old team. He missed his old team, but after what happened he didn't know if he could face them again. Now he knew how stupid he had been, his team had never blamed him for what happened. Maybe it wouldn't hurt trying to reconnect with them once he could stay awake longer and he could drink.

He quickly slipped into Jason's place, expecting to be greeted by a group of really annoyed and worried Seals. However, he was meet with a scene that surprised him. The lights were off in the kitchen, dining room and the hall. And the only light coming from the living room was from the small table lamp and the TV. Alone on the couch sat Jason. And Clay could clearly tell that he wasn't at all paying any attention to what was on the Tv, he was just staring at it. But what worried him more was the fact that Jason hadn't even acknowledged him when he entered the door.

Forgetting about heading straight to bed as he had planned, something was seriously wrong with his boss. He moved quietly over to the couch and slowly lowered himself onto the couch as his abdomen was now stinging. He knew that he had winced badly as he sat and had expected Jason to say something to him about it but nothing. Clay turned a little to see that Jason was still staring at the Tv which was running an episode of Magnum PI, a show that he knew Jason hated.

"Where are the others?" Clay asked breaking the silence, he knew that what he really want to ask was what was wrong but knew better than to ask a direct question. Jason was not likely going to tell him anything so he asked another question that was playing around inside his head. Where were his other brothers? He hadn't even checked to see if their cars were still parked outside when Foggins' dropped him off. But he hoped that they had all finally gone home, where they belonged. They didn't need to watch him 24/7 now.

Jason didn't move or even look at Clay but he did at least answer his question. "Brock took Cerberus out for a run and then was heading home. Ray got a call from Naima as Jameelah wanted him to help her with her homework and to tuck her in tonight." Jason knew that Ray missed seeing his kids and now that they were home till they were needed, Ray needed to spend as much time as possible with his kids. They were his life as much as Bravo was. And Clay had told him as much on a few occasions. Then Jason moved a little but not a lot and only nod his head down the hall towards the bathroom. "Sonny's in the shower."

Clay nodded, he knew that getting Sonny to leave was near enough impossible without Lisa's help. He just wished his brother would listen to him and go enjoy his downtime. But then thinking about who Jason had mentioned he quickly noticed that Jason had missed out one brother, and it was the one brother that worried him. "And Trent?" Clay asked, allowing the worry to be heard in his voice. He knew that Trent would more likely be the one to kill him over staying out this long. And then some.

Jason shrugged his shoulders and ran his hand through his hair. "Went out to get something." He hadn't actually asked Trent what he was getting as he left but their medic wasn't really talking to him still. He understood why he had done it but was still pissed that he had kept it from him like they all were.

"Are they mad?" Clay asked quietly, he knew that more than likely Trent wasn't the only brother that was pissed at him for going out for this long without one of them and more so if they knew about the range. He knew that Sonny was going to be raging as he hadn't gone with him and Sonny had been wanting to shoot something for over a week.

"With you?" Jason asked turning for the first time to look at Clay, he saw immediately that the kid looked done in and had it in his mind to send the kid straight to bed.

Clay nodded softly and then broke eye contact with him, he couldn't look at Jason as he knew that with his tiredness came the slip in his mask. He knew that Jason had seen his pain and tiredness together in his eyes and quickly started to rub them, almost trying to get his mask on properly.

"No, you've done nothing wrong," Jason said with a stern tone, he needed the kid to believe him in that.

"Ok." Clay nodded and allowed his body to relax into the back of the couch a little more, he knew that if he got too comfortable then he would fall asleep here and then but knew that Jason would wake him up. Sleeping on the couch sitting up was murder on his neck and they all knew it.

"How are you feeling?" Jason asked turning in his seat to look the kid over. The kid looked tired and also in pain. He kicked himself because he knew that he had caused some of that pain. Even if he didn't mean too.

"Tired," Clay admitted as he closed his eyes. There was no way getting that past Jason and he knew it, he must look shattered to his boss and with him fighting to stay awake right in front of him then there was no point hiding it.

"That all?" Jason asked as he too relaxed into the back of his couch, just having the kid in front of him calmed him a little. He had been so worried that Clay could get hurt if he was left alone that he had caused himself even more stress than he thought it would.

Clay sighed and knew that Jason had seen his slip. "I hate this," Clay muttered as he ran his hand over the back of his neck. God, why couldn't everything go back to normal? All he wanted to be was free from pain and be able to stay awake for a day without doing dizzy or having to nap a few times. At the range when Foggins' had gone to get him another bottle of water and something to eat, he had found himself napping in his sniper hide. Thankfully if anyone saw him they would just think he was looking down his scope, and when Foggins' arrived he had woken up when he had asked him which sandwich he wanted.

"What?" Jason asked softly, he knew that if he pushed the kid too much he would shut down on him again and he didn't want that. He needed the kid to trust him in order for him to build up the courage to tell Clay what was going on. It was killing him keeping this from him but now the kid needed to know as he knew that sooner or later the brass were going to force him to pick a new draft and he wanted Clay to know about it before he found out by someone else or worse by a guy from Green Team bragging that he might be picked to replace him which wasn't going to happen.

"Feeling like all I want to do is sleep for a week," Clay said without making eye contact with Jason. He hated showing his weakness to any of his brothers but more so when it came down to Jason.

"It will get better," Jason said resting his arm against the back of the couch so his body was facing Clay. He only hoped that the kid would get better and soon. He hated watching the kid suffer like this, and it was getting worse as time went on. It just wished he could get the kid back to where he was before the whole mess started and stop him from ever expecting the mission. But at the same time, he knew that telling the kid that would have planted a seed of doubt in his head making him believe that he thought he wasn't ready to come back. Something he never wanted to happen.

"Doesn't feel like it," Clay muttered as he leant his head back against the back of the couch and then closed his eyes. He had then closed his eyes once more wishing that the now annoying headache would go away. His recovery felt like it was taking forever and he felt only less pain.

"It will," Jason muttered quietly, knowing that the kid was suffering from a bad headache and he could tell by how the kid as acting. He made a quick reminder to himself to get Clay to swollen some of the painkillers that the doctor had prescribed before he headed for bed.

For a few moments, the two sat in silence. The only noise came from the TV which had moved on to the adverts. Clay then turned his head slightly and opened his eyes to look at Jason. "Thank you." He said quietly, and their two eyes met.

"For what?" Jason asked, looking at the kid carefully. But mainly surprised that he hadn't passed out yet.

"Calling Foggins for me, organising today for me." Clay said lifting his head a little off the back of the couch as he spoke.

"Did he help?" Jason asked with a small smile. He was glad that Clay had made peace with one of his old teammates. Seeing brothers fight was always hard as they had no idea what tomorrow would bring. His list on his phone proved that. He had lost nearly forty brothers so far and to think that he might have to add more names to that list scared him. But to think about how close he had come to nearly adding Clay's name to that list really scared him.

"Yer, it was nice catching up with him," Clay said with a little smile thinking back to the conversations he had with Foggy. He had caught up on a lot that he had missed when it came to his old team, like a few of them getting married and starting families. And he was really looking forward to seeing them again.

"Good," Jason said nodding with a little smile. He was proud of the kid, really proud. He was doing so well, he just hoped it would continue.

Once again they both fell back into silence. However, Clay could feel that something was wrong with the whole situation. Turning to look at Jason he could actually see and feel the tension roll off his boss but he had no idea why or what was going on? "So..." Clay started with as he sat forward resting his elbows onto his knees. But at the same time turned his head so he was looking in the direction of Jason but not meeting his eyes. "...what going on?" Clay asked.

"What do you mean?" Jason asked and he couldn't stop the worry filling his voice as he spoke.

"I know, ok," Clay said looking at him and this time he looked him directly into Jason's face. He knew that he should be upset that he had been lied too but at the same time understood why they had done what they had done.

"Know what?" Jason asked sitting up now. Clay was really worrying him, did he know what he thought he knew?

Clay sighed and knew that this was going to be hard. "That the brass wants you to replace me." He said, looking now down at the floor now that he had gotten those words out of his mouth like they were poison. Saying that the brass was ordering his brothers to replace him was the hardest thing to hear but at the same time, it wasn't his brothers' fault. An order was an order.

"..." Jason opened his mouth to speak but he couldn't, it took a few moments before he could get his words out properly. "How the hell?" And that was all he could say. Quickly he thought back over who knew that information but more importantly who would have told Clay. He knew he, nor Ray or Blackburn would have told Clay without informing them first. Did the base personal know? Was the word already out that Clay was been replaced? All the questions mixed with the anger was now getting the better of him and he couldn't help but grab hold of his phone almost ready to call Blackburn to demand to know what was happening.

"I heard Blackburn that night when he told you what the brass said." Clay started turning his whole body this time so his back was against the armrest so he could see Jason fully. He knew that his 1IC was pissed, anyone could tell that by just looking at the man. At the first sentence, he saw the shock and pain in Jason's face and then added explaining a little more. "I was on my way to the bathroom when I heard you all talking."

That hit Jason like a tone of bricks. The kid had known that they had been lying to him all this time. And that was as painful as them hiding something from him was. Jason closed his eyes and he quickly rubbed his fingers into them. Now he was getting the mother of all headaches. He never wanted Clay to find out like this. He shouldn't have. He should have been the one to tell him one on one. Not for Clay to hear them talking about him behind his back. Clay had the right to know. "Clay I was going to tell you." Jason finally said as he opened his eyes again looking at the kid.

"It's fine..." Clay started shrugging his shoulders a little as he was starting to feel the pain again. "And I know why you didn't tell me, give me hope that I was coming back." He said letting his head fall as he looked at the ground. It was like his whole was starting to crumble around him, just like before.

"You are coming back..." Jason said forcibly as he gripped hold of Clay's good shoulder. There was no way he was letting the kid think he was done on Bravo. They weren't abandoning him. Not ever. "...the draft is just keeping your seat warm till you are back." There was no way in hell was he replacing Clay. The kid was theirs and the position of Bravo six was taken for as long as Clay could operate.

"Maybe..." Clay muttered almost sounded defeated.

"No maybes Clay." Jason snapped gripping hold of Clay's shoulder like his life depended on it.

A few minutes came and went as the two of them sat there not saying a word. Jason knew that the kid was still taking in everything and that he couldn't push him. But also he knew that the kid been trapped inside his own head was not something that was health and so he asked.

"How's the shoulder?" Jason knew what a gun recoiling felt like and more importantly, he knew what it felt like when that said shoulder was hurt. Clay must be in some pain and that was clearly written in the kid's body language.

Clay sighed once more. He knew that he couldn't lie to Jason, not after everything he had done for him. But at the same time, he couldn't appear weak, that wasn't him. "It hurts a little with the recoil but it's only sore."

Jason nodded and knew straight away that the kid was downplaying his pain, like normal. "I'll get Trent to have a look at it when he gets back." He said. But with those words, Clay's head snapped to face him. Did Jason tell them where he had been?

"They know?" He asked with a little fear in his voice. If Trent knew that he had been at the range then he was dead.

"Yer," Jason said with a sigh. They were all in trouble for this and he knew it.

"How...?" Clay asked, there was no way Jason would outright tell them his plan unless something else had happened to force him too.

"Big Chief grassed on us... he saw you at the range, called Trent," Jason said with a sigh and allowed his hand to grip Clay's shoulder again.

"We in trouble?" Clay asked with a little worry.

"Not you. Just me." Jason said closing his eyes, he knew that Trent hadn't finished with him yet and he hadn't heard the end of it.

"That's a change," Clay chuckled and shook his head.

"Don't get used to it," Jason said laughing a little as he pushed Clay's shoulder a little. It was a playful shove but enough to send Clay into a small laughing fit. Jason shook his head. At least the kid hadn't lost his humour just yet.

Then the two fell back into silence.

"Do you really think I can come back?" Clay asked turning back looking at Jason. He knew what he must sound like a child but he couldn't help it. He was scared.

Jason moved over and pulled Clay into his side like a father would do a scared child. "Clay, listen to me, I don't have any doubts that you are coming back to Bravo. We are going to make sure that you get there, and if say we get spun up then Alpha or one of the other teams will stand in for us. I know Big Chief offered to keep an eye on you and will work with you if you need him."

And he meant every word of it, he had already spoken to the other teams and Big Chief at length about how they all were going to help Clay get back to his family. They had set everything in motion to make sure Clay had what he needed when the time came. That he had his brothers ready to help him as soon as he was healed enough to get back to them.

"Yer I know, he corned me in the range at the end and said if I was free and allowed then I could train Green Team for a bit," Clay said with a small smile. Big Chief scared the hell out of him when he was in Green Team but now the man acted like an older brother.

"See. We aren't letting you go without a fight. And at least you will get your hours in." Jason said with a small smile, they would never abandon a brother.

"What?" Clay asked as he looked at Jason who still had him in his grasp and Clay felt like Jason was not about to let him go just yet.

"You need training times to be run your own team," Jason added. He knew that one day Clay would replace him.

"My own team?" Clay asked in almost shock, he had planned to run his own team and he knew that Jason had mentioned it once or twice to him but to hear Jason admit it now shocked him. His career was so close to collapse that it felt like it was an impossible task to run his own team.

"I can't do this forever Clay. Bravo is going to need you when that time comes." Jason admitted. He knew that he had to show Clay that he too had his limits. And one day he planned for Clay to take over him when the time was right.

"What about Ray?" Clay asked in shock, Ray was next to be 1IC of Bravo not him. Ray had been doing this longer than him so why was Jason telling him that he was to take over Bravo when he retired.

"He thinks the same. It's what he saw in you when you were in Green Team." Jason said shrugging his shoulders. It was true at what he said. Ray had picked Clay because he saw in him that natural-born leader. Someone who could lead men the right way. The true way. He had no doubt that Clay would make them all proud as Bravo One.

"But I made the bottom five..." Clay said thinking back to his time in Green Team. He had nearly been kicked out for God's sake and yes he may have acted as Bravo Two for a time but that was it. He wasn't ready. Maybe he never would be.

"Yer so did I," Jason admitted. He knew Clay had no idea that their paths ran a very similar line, the only difference was by the point he made Bravo he was already a husband and a father.

"You did?" Clay asked shocked. He had no idea thee Jason Hayes had been in the bottom five during training. It didn't seem possible.

"Yer nearly didn't make it," Jason said shaking his head at the memory. It felt like a lift time ago he was in Green Team. "If it wasn't for Nate, Adam and Steve I wouldn't have." He added, he missed his brothers so much and mentioning them now caused the wounds to bleed inside him.

"Like I had Brian," Clay muttered. Thinking of Brian hurt badly, he still had the odd nightmare of watching his best friend fall to his death. It was one of the reasons why he now hated jumping. He did it if he had too but every time he did it he had a small pray. "Oddly enough we both lost them." Clay then muttered as he allowed his hand to capture the back of his neck.

"Yer, we did kid," Jason muttered and gripped Clay's arm now tightly.

"But they also made us. Funny how that works." Clay said with a small chuckle but this time the chuckle wasn't out of humour but pain and Jason knew what was playing around in the kid's head.

"Clay what happened to Brian wasn't your fault." He said firmly. He knew that the kid blamed himself for what happened to his friend, even though it was just an accident. The kid never believed that he felt somehow it was his fault.

"I was meant to pick that shoot." Clay said quietly like the words caused his heart to break even more.

"Clay! Brian's death was an accident. Ok, that wasn't on you." Jason said now physically turning the kid to face him.

"What about Adam's death? I slowed us down." Clay said shaking his head like he was physically trying to shake the images out of his head. Watching Brian fall to his death, watching Adam been blown up by an S-Vest. The images haunted and scarred his memory and all he wanted was them to stop.

"No Adam's death was my fault. Not yours." Jason said gripping hold of Clay and pulling him into a hug, as he did so he could feel his t-shirt become wet. He knew Clay was now crying. They sat there for a few moments till Clay pulled away from him and turned his body as he wrapped his arms around his abdomen like for protection from something.

"Maybe it's best I don't come back, people keep dying around me like some bad luck charm," Clay added quietly, he had thought about that for a while but saying those words made everything so much more real. His mother, his grandparents, Brain, Adam, Echo Team, Richard, the CIA team, Swanny. He couldn't deal with him been responsible for any more deaths. He couldn't cope with it.

"Hey, stop it. We live dangerous lives. We all know what we signed up for. Adam's number was up. You did nothing wrong. It was just one of those crappy things that happens in life." Jason said with real force this time. He was not about to let Clay blame himself for things he couldn't stop. That was their chose, they lived dangerous lives with no guarantee that they would see tomorrow. That was their way of life and he needed Clay to see it.

"Still sucks" Clay muttered and allowed his head to fall.

Jason sighed and pulled Clay's head into his chest again. The kid was suffering and he just wished he could make everything better like a father would bend the earth if that helped their kid. But he couldn't think like that. Not now. "I know brother." He whispered as he rested his chin into Clay's hair.

"Think I'm going to go to bed." Clay said finally as he pulled away and got to his feet. Now he wanted, no. Needed his bed.

"More then likely Trent will be in to see you when he gets back." Jason reminded him. Trent would actually wake the kid up to check him over, it didn't matter if the kid looked peaceful or not. Trent did what he wanted but he meant well at least.

"Tell him if he wakes me up I'm going to kill him," Clay muttered angrily to him as he started to move towards the hallway.

"He is going to do it anyway brother," Jason said with a chuckle and then laughed a lot more when he heard Clay's response to that. "Still going to kill him."

Jason knew that Clay would never harm his brothers but god could the kid pack a punch if he was angry enough. "Night Clay," he called as the kid moved down the hallway. It might only be six pm but they all needed sleep.

"Night boss," Clay called as he closed the door to his room.

At least he was safe. Jason thought as he leant back into his seat. Now all they had to do was to work on getting back into the field which sadly was going to be a lot harder than they first thought. But they would do it, together as a family. Like it was meant to be.


	37. Hospital Visit

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Ok, now Clay was really getting sick of all his hospital appointments. Doctor Winn had increased his visits to the hospital recently which was annoying however Clay understood why. He knew that his injuries were serious and he was lucky to be alive. In fact, he knew that he was improving very well and was almost completely off the antibiotics that Winn had given him. Which meant for him more visits to the hospital, Winn and Trent were both concerned about. They were worried that when he did stop taking the medication then the infection that had caused his collapse would return worse than before. However Clay wasn't worried at all, he felt a lot better than he did back then. He was sleeping better and was able to eat a little more so he knew that he was healing.

But at the hospital, Clay was really getting sick of been poked, prodded and pinched by the doctors and the nurses. He knew that they meant well but it was really getting annoying. He often found himself having to physically hold himself back from punching whoever was responsible for his discomfort. Thankfully he always had one of his brothers with him, and for this visit, that brother was Trent.

His last visit, Jason had taken him but after another argument with the doctor, Trent decided that he would be the best person be there for his appointments. Which in turn hadn't been that bad, often Trent would start a conversation with Winn about something medical and all Clay had to do was sit there quietly and wait for them to finish so he could leave. Normally the plan worked, Trent and Winn could talk for hours if they were left alone. One time Clay had found a book, well 'found' would be a strong word, (one of the nurses had given it to him) and had happily finished it for one of the nurses had come in to tell Doctor Winn that his next patient was there. But thankfully, Winn had a full day book for appointments and had only been able to fit him in on his break which meant a hopefully quick visit.

After a very quick check-up Clay sat back down on the bed waiting for Winn to check his charts, Trent had been more than eager to help during the examination before sitting himself down into one of the room's chairs. He didn't look very comfy but he made do. "Ok Petty Officer your wounds are healing nicely." Doctor Winn finally said after reading on the last comments on his file before looking at Trent and not him.

"So no signs of infection?" Trent asked getting to his feet and moved over to Winn so he could read Clay's charts. Technically his files and charts were meant to be private however Clay knew that Trent would use the fact that he was the medic of the team and in such circumstances, he needed to know what was on the reports. So he let him be. "Any issues with the stitches or staples?" Trent then asked as he read Winn's notes.

Winn shook his head, "No none that I can find, it all looks good." He said and then handed Clay's over to Trent so he could read it himself without looking over his shoulder. He knew that Trent meant well however personally he felt like the Navy Seal was becoming a little like a mother hen around his patient. Not that he would say that directly to his face as he wanted to live but he had a feeling that Trent wasn't the only one driving Clay crazy. And then he pointed to the side of Clay's head that still held the staples that had been placed in after his brain surgery. "The staples in his head can come out today." He stated as he pointed towards Clay's head wound.

Thankfully for his operation, the cut to his hair had been limited but enough that it was the shortest it had ever been. He didn't mind it been short however he couldn't wait for it to grow out again. Same with his beard. He felt too clean-cut if that made any sense. He had done it for Brett's funeral but as soon as it started to grow he left it alone. With the staples out, it meant he could let his hair grow back long. He had asked before why they had to be left in for so long and was finally told that during one of his really bad nightmares in the hospital he had caused the wound to reopen. And so it had to be restapled. And thankfully today was the today that they came out.

"Can I do it?" Trent asked with a smirk that Clay knew all too well. It normally happened when he and Sonny were planning something that others classed as stupid or plain old crazy.

"Fuck off Trent," Clay said but made sure that there was no hurt to his words at all. He knew Trent only wanted to help but at the same time, he knew that his brothers were still not happy with him about taking on the damn mission and he was just waiting for them to finally drop the act and kick his butt. Maybe this was Trent's way of getting him back.

"Just asking," Trent said with a smile and shrugged his shoulders at the same time, but at the same turned back to Winn and asked again with a cheeky grin, "and can I?"

Winn laughed at the almost childish behaviour, but at the same time, he knew that the Seal Teams were very much a family and making fun or even winding each other up. But at the same time as much as he would love to let Trent do it, he knew that he couldn't and really shouldn't as Trent didn't work at the hospital. "I'll send in a nurse," He finished as he took Clay's chart off Trent and went back to filling in another form on his chart.

Clay wanted to hug Winn for that, Trent did look very disappointed that he couldn't take out the staples but at the same time knew that Trent would enjoy his pain a little too much. Not that his brother would hurt him, coz he wouldn't. But he was also thankful that at least he would get a nurse who knew how to distract him from what was happening because he knew Trent would give him a play by play of what he was doing just to get his own back for all the stupid things he had done.

"So does that mean my hair will start to grow back?" Clay asked hopefully. He couldn't wait for his hair to come back so he could rub it in the other's faces.

"Really, your hair?" Trent asked shocked, he knew that like Brock, Clay liked to keep his hair at a longer length than normal. They even sometimes pushed it to the edge of the Navy's guidelines when they could. But for Clay to ask the question to a doctor was just baffling. The kid really sometimes came out with the weirdest things.

"What?" Clay asked most innocently and then smacked on his boyish grin and added. "I look as odd as you guys with my hair this short."

Trent was stuck between laughing at Clay's comment or slapping the kid across the head. He sometimes forgot how young Clay was to them, but in turn, was glad that he was still seeing some of the same Clay they had before this mission that had nearly cost him his life. If Jason or Sonny had been there then sure as hell they would have smacked the kid, Ray would have just pulled his usual disappointed big brother look and Brock most defiantly would have laughed and then pointed out that he was only younger by a few years. In the end and a few minutes looking at Clay with that stupid grin on his face he spoke, "If you didn't have a serious head injury then I would smack you right over the head for that."

"Ok guys, that's enough." Winn finally said after watching the two Seal try to stare each other out.

"Sorry Doc." They both answered at once. That caused them both of them to burst out laughing. Trent was happy to hear that laugh again. His brother was still in there, even if for a little while.

After a few minutes, they fell back into silence again and Winn took the quiet time as a chance to ask Clay some more questions about how Clay was doing. "So, how is the shoulder feeling?" He asked as he put down Clay's file and started to feel Clay's shoulder a little more carefully. Winn would not admit it to the other members of Clay's team but there was still real worry over if Clay would get full motion back into his shoulder. Which had been his reasoning about letting Clay cope without a sling as he hoped that by using the arm and shoulder, it would keep his moment going and not cause issues with the ligaments or muscles that were already damaged due to the breaks and the surgery. "No loss of sensation? No nerve pains?"

Clay paused for a moment, thinking over every moment since his last appointment. His shoulder had been a little sorer since he had gone to the gun range however nothing to what it had been previously. "No nothing like that. It's been a little stiff in the morning but other than that it's been fine." He knew that even admitting a little discomfort was a lot for him to do, but at least Trent couldn't say that he was lying to his doctor when he was been as honest as he could be without telling him the complete truth.

"And doing the exercises that I set you?" Winn asked; he had set Clay a list of exercises that he had wanted Clay to do daily as a way to improve his motion and strength his already weakened muscles.

"Yer," Clay said nodded but also wincing a little when Winn ran his finger across his broken shoulder blade. They had repeated it with screws and a plate or two but just to feel Winn's fingers over the screws caused a hot pain to shot directly to his spine.

Trent saw the wince straight away and had to stop himself from darting to Clay's side and pushing Winn away from his little brother to protect him from the pain but knew that Winn would never hurt Clay on purpose and this was just the way their bodies healed. However, even seeing Clay in a little bit of pain was cutting into him deep. But then he thought of something that might be the reason for Clay's pain. Something that he was still not impressed with and something that he knew Winn should be made aware of. Something that Clay clearly wasn't going to tell him about. "Now..." Trent started to say as he crossed his arms across his chest. "...was that after or before the shooting range?"

Clay's head shot up and his eyes snapped directly at Trent really wanting to tell his brother to shut up. He knew that the whole gun range trip had been a bad idea as he was in pain the next day however it wasn't that bad and within a couple of days he was somewhat back to his normal self.

"Shooting Range?" Winn said a little shocked that Trent or any of the other Seals would allow Clay to return to a range this early. He had made it clear to all of them that Clay was still not out of the woods and with his collapse on base, which he had been informed of, they were all worried that he was still at risk of damaging his injuries.

"Hey, sonny-boy here decided to go to the shooting range," Trent said shaking his head. He didn't mind ratting out his brother at all to his doctor because he still hadn't had a sit down with Clay just yet about the damages he could have done to himself. He had planned that for another day, mainly because the poor kid had looked rough when he had woken up. However, Jason and Ray had not been let off the hook so easily. And really neither was Clay when he got a second to talk to the kid about what he had wanted to achieve at the range.

Clay looked at the disappointed look Winn was sending him and sighed. "Fine...it was a little sore after that but nothing too bad or I would have told you." He admitted, but it wasn't new news for Trent. He had been honest with his brother, or at least he thought he had been.

"Why did I think a Seal would listen to me? I do not know." Winn muttered shaking his head in disgust that the Seals were once again not listening to him but at the same time knew that Navy Seals were stubborn to the core and Team guys were worse. And Clay been young, a Team guy and as stubborn as they come, he should have been ready for him not to listen to him. Well that was what he had been told by everyone who knew the kid.

"Sorry Doc but I was careful," Clay said like a child who had been caught doing something wrong by one of his parents. He knew that Winn meant well and the man had helped him so much but at the same time, he had to go to the range, not for his physical health but his mental health. And he had been careful, for one thing, he had used his other shoulder. A little secret that he had kept to himself was the fact that he could shot whatever side he needed to be on. However, it still felt a little weird doing it.

Winn looked at Clay for a few moments and then nodded his head. He didn't know how or why but he believed him when he said he had been careful. He didn't know what it was but he had seen it before. When the kid had first woke up, so confused about what world he had woken up in. "Ok, I believe you." He finally said and then looked more carefully at his previous notes on Clay's shoulder. "And everything looks and feels good."

Clay nodded a thanks to Winn for believing him and then asked, "So how long before I can start training?"

Winn sighed, he knew that question was coming. Navy Seals, when wounded, acted like caged tigers which was a dangerous animal to deal with, but one that was contained was even more dangerous. He knew that Clay wanted to start working on rebuilding his strength that he had lost and work on getting back to frontline work. However, at the same time, he knew that if Clay pushed himself too soon then he could undo all the work they had done, something that he didn't want to happen to the young man who clearly just wanted everything to go back to normal.

"Not for another couple of months..." Winn started with as he looked up and down Clay's charts. "...you did damage your abdomen pretty badly and I don't want you to risk ripping the stitches but more importantly the internal ones." He added; the poor kid had over a hundred internal stitches which had been used to stop the bleeding. They didn't want to more leaks. Winn would be very happy if he never saw inside the young man that was sat in front of him again. But he knew that with Clay still an active Seal then it would more likely happen. He just hoped not any time soon. "But I see no problem with light exercise. However, no weights that will put strain on your abdomen and that shoulder. You still could cause yourself damage." He said very sternly. He had to drill it into the young man that he needed to listen to his own body as well as him if he wanted to get better.

"I'll make sure he follows the rules doc," Trent said nodding to everything Winn said. He knew that Clay was getting annoyed about been kept trapped at Jason's and at least with Winn's agreement to light work out, they could get the kid to the gym and let the kid start to act a little bit more normal. However, he knew too fine well that Jason wasn't about to let the kid move back into his own apartment just yet.

"Good..." Winn said a little too happy as if he was happy that at least one of them was listening to him. "I'll send in that nurse." He added and left the room of Trent calling after him a thank you.

As soon as Winn was out of the room, Clay let out a loud and long sigh before rubbing his fingers into his eyes. He was really getting tired of this. He felt like a weak child when in fact he was a Navy Seal and a Team guy at that. He wasn't meant to be weak, at yet he felt like it. He just wanted his life back. He wanted to sleep in his own apartment, go to the gym, the range, go out for a beer with his brother and not sleep nearly every few hours in order to function like a somewhat normal person. He wanted his old life back, but it didn't look like he was getting that any time soon. Things were just really getting to him, he felt controlled by his emotions which wasn't something he liked but couldn't find a way of stopping it. No lock was big enough for what was playing in his head.

"You ok?" Trent asked after watching Clay closely, something was clearly wrong with Clay and it had nothing to do with physical pain. That he could handle, this however he had no clue. He moved to sit on the bed next to Clay and nudged the kid's arm to let him know that he was there. He wanted Clay to feel like he could talk to him about anything, he just hoped that the kid had learned to trust him like he had done so the others. It was true that he didn't spend a lot of time with the kid but he hoped that when this was all over he could. The kid was good company, more so when all he wanted to do was read a good book and a beer with one of his brothers close by.

Clay sighed again, he knew that he needed to talk to someone and at least Trent was a good listener. "Just wish this was over." He muttered as he started to play with his fingers not wanting to meet Trent's eyes.

"You are getting there brother," Trent said wrapping his arm around the kid and pulling him a little closer. He had seen Jason do the same to the kid when Clay's head was running a hundred miles an hour in front of him.

"Doesn't feel like it," Clay muttered back, he knew that he must sound like a spoilt kid complaining that things hadn't gone his way but he couldn't help it. He hated everything about this whole thing, and as time went on it made it all worse.

"Clay you couldn't even use your arm to start with and barely walk for more than a few steps before nearly passing out. Now, look at you..." Trent said, picking at things that he knew Clay had spoken to Jason about. But also knew what would drive him nuts. He remembered when he had injured his arm in that I.E.D hit and his long recovery he had had to deal with. He knew what fears Clay had and because of that, he didn't want the kid to deal with them alone.

"I still can't stay awake all day without having to sleep for a few hours," Clay added and shook his head. He felt exhausted now and all he had done since waking up was eat breakfast, watch a little tv and then come to the hospital. How the hell was he meant to operate for twelve hours or go on long missions without being a risk to his own brothers? He couldn't and that was what scared him.

"Come on, that's Sonny's dream," Trent said with a little laugh. Out of all their brothers, Sonny was hand's down the laziest out of all of them. That man could sleep forever if they let him.

"Not funny," Clay muttered, he knew what Trent was trying to do and maybe it would help any other time but not now. Not when he was this tired already.

"Come on brother you will get there," Trent said, this time a little more firmly as he pulled Clay into a one-armed hug. The kid didn't fight him, which was a little worry. Clay didn't normally accept this level of comfort from anyone so for him to let him do it in a public place was a worry. Something that he knew he needed to bring up with Jason when he got Clay home.

"When?" Clay asked almost childlike into Trent's shoulder.

That broke Trent even more, his little brother was too young to have to worry about losing everything he held close and deal with everything he had done already. All he wanted to do was to tell Clay that everything was going to be ok and that he would show all the doctors that he could do anything he set his mind too. But even when the idea came to his mind, his medical mind took over. Clay had a long way to go before he could even think about trying to pass the tests to return to frontline work and back to Bravo. "In time." Was the only thing that came to Trent's mind to answer Clay's question. They had no set plan or timetable on his recovery. It still could take months or even longer.

He heard Clay sigh once more before a knock on the door caused him to pull away from him but kept his head down. Trent knew that he was trying to get control over his emotions once more after the few minutes that he had let them come to the surface. He waited a few seconds before Clay nodded his head, telling him that he was ok before calling out. "Come in."

The door opened and a young nurse came into the room partly. "Sorry Doctor Winn asked me to come and remove some staples." She said.

"Sure nurse come on in..." Trent said jumping off the bed but remaining close to the kid in case he was needed.

"I'll be as quick as I can Petty Officer," The nurse said as she collected the things she needed from the draws next to the window. Clay looked up when she addressed him, she was pretty. But he also knew her from somewhere and he knew where from.

"Clay," He added, he hated been addressed as his rank.

She smiled and nodded her head. She had seen him around the hospital a few times but hadn't really been anything to do with his treatment. However, all the nurses were talking about the man. From his good looks to how close his brothers were to him. She normally didn't like to listen to nurse gossip, not after everything she had gone through lately. But from what she had heard from Naima, the man was a good guy. She knew that he was a Navy Seal and had been injured recently. But also that the man really cared about others. "Clay then." She said as she started to put on some of the gloves.

"I think I'm going to go and get those exercises from the doc..." Trent said smiling a little and shaking his head. He knew that Clay found the young nurse very attractive, "...behave." He said pointing at Clay, he started to grin like a Cheshire cat and shook his head as he left the room. He wished one of the other guys were there with him as he would so make a bet on Clay leaving with the nurse's number.

Clay smiled and shook his head at the look on Trent's face. He knew what was going on in his brother's head. The nurse in front of him was young but not too young if that made sense. Her hair was tied up but he could tell that it was long and thick. Her brown hazel eyes were kind but there was something else in them. Something that he couldn't put his finger on, but he knew he had seen it before. "So how does it look?" He asked as she started to push his hair out of the way and look more closely at the scar that had formed.

She smiled softly as she checked the whole length of the wound before speaking. "Looks pretty good for a guy who had his head cut open and his skull drilled to relieve pressure from his brain." She said nodded as she wiped over the wound before getting ready to start removing the staples.

Clay pulled back a little from her and found her smiling softly, he at first was a little confused about what she meant but then it came to him and couldn't help but smile a little, just like she was. Her lips were small but had a hit of pink to them that clearly said she had put on some lip balm before entering the room. Her hands were still in place from where she had left them. "You read my file." He stated with a little smile. He wasn't angry but a little surprised that she would look at his complete file.

She shrugged her shoulders and then went back to checking his wound. "Maybe..." She said as she started to hold his hair out of the way as she moved to remove the first staple but then stopped before she did it with a sigh and then said. "...the nurses have been talking about you every time you come in." She admitted shrugging her shoulders again. But she wasn't completely honest with him as the other nurses hadn't just been talking about him but drooling over him.

"Should I be worried?" Clay asked with a little smile. He knew from Naima that the nurses had been none stop talking about him since he had been admitted to hospital. But he had thought it would have ended when he was discharged.

"Well..." She said as she started to remove the first few staples without Clay even noticing. "...All the older nurses think you need fattening up and all the others want your number." She said with a little laugh. All the nurses had taken a liking to Clay lately. "...even Alec wants your number." She added with a grin as she didn't know how he would take been told that a guy wanted his number.

Clay laughed at the comment. He had meet Alec once during to one of his check-ups. He was nice to look at, well-muscled and tanned. But he knew that it would never work. But then he thought back to what the nurse had said to him. "What about you?" He asked, with a cheeky grin.

"Maybe..." She said softly as she continued to remove a staple but instead caught his hair.

"Ow." He said as he jerked back as little, he knew that she didn't mean it. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

"Sorry." She said kicking herself for causing the man pain. She liked him, a lot but maybe she wasn't ready for another relationship. Clay was clearly a nice guy and she had too many problems to dump on the poor guy who clearly had a lot on his plate.

"It's ok, my fault." He admitted, he knew that he should be distracting her as she worked.

"Such a gentleman..." She laughed as she shook her head. After a few minutes of silence, she stepped away from him and said with a grin "all done."

Immediately Clay ran his fingers over the scar to feel the thin line of which was now his scar. It felt really thin which he was glad for as it meant it would fade over time. It was another scar to add to his collection. His list was growing by the day which was getting annoying. "Thanks," He said with a small smile.

"Michelle." She said nodding her head as she took off her gloves and placing them along with the staple remover onto the tray next to her.

"Thank you Michelle." He said with a smile. He had watched her closely as she removed her gloves and went to fill in his chart. She was a little taller than Naima when he looked at her properly. To be fair she was a lot prettier than he had first thought.

"I'll go get Doctor Winn and let him know I'm all done," Michelle said with a smile and made her way towards the door.

With her back to him, he quickly picked up a pen and quickly wrote down something on a spare piece of paper.

"Forgetting something?" He asked causing her to stop and turn to face him.

"What?" She asked a little confused but still made her way over to him to check the tray to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything.

Without a single word and with a small smile, Clay passed her the now-folded piece of paper to her.

She looked at little confused at it but when Clay nodded his head at it she finally took it. She was really confused at the whole thing but instead of just pocketing it like she knew she should, instead, she opened it there and then to see a number. His number. All the confusion must have gone directly to her face as she felt her cheeks turn red with embarrassment. Why was Clay interest in her when there were so many other nurses that would happily take him up on the offer of going out, a lot prettier nurses with fewer problems. "I don't get it..." She finally was able to say as she shook her head at the note but didn't take her eyes off it.

"What?" Clay asked a little confused at the whole situation as well. He normally was ok at reading people in normal day life but this girl in front of him was a real mystery.

Michelle sighed, she hated showing weakness and more so in front of someone she liked. "You could have any of the nurses here so why me?"

It was a fair question and Clay knew it. But he just felt that she was special, however, he knew he couldn't just come out and stay that or she would think he was weird. She was just someone who he knew would stand up for what she believed in and that was something he respected. Someone who cared. "You don't take any crap from anyone." He said, in the end, looking directly at her. He had seen her in action.

"How?" She asked moving a little closer to him, she didn't know why she did it but she did. Maybe Clay saw something in her that she missed. She didn't think she was strong, the complete opposite.

"I saw you deal with that guy last time I was in, guessing that was your ex...?" Clay answered. He had just finished with Doctor Winn at the same and as Trent had been filling in some paperwork he had caught the end of the argument. A man was just shorter than him but not that well build was been taken out of the hospital by security as Michelle told him clearly not to come back. The man scared jealous ex to him and he had wanted to step in but as soon as the security guard had placed a hand on him he had gone quietly.

"You saw that?" She asked with a sigh, Jacob had always been one of her biggest mistakes and him showing up at the hospital drunk demanding to see her was not what she wanted to ever deal with again. Thankfully he had backed down but had caused a scene. For Clay to remember it worried her, did he think she had a bad taste in men? Cause she knew Jacob was one but he wasn't all bad, mainly when he had drunk too much. But normally he was kind and caring. "And yes he is my ex." She added shaking her head.

"Yer..." Clay started with and then added with a smile "...if you want some lessons on how to kick his arse I can teach you." Shrugging his shoulders as he said it.

"What?" Michelle asked with a small laugh and a grin "...you not going to say you would kick his arse for me?" Normally when guys wanted to show how strong they were or how protective they would offer to beat someone up but never tell them that they would teach them to do it for themselves.

Clay laughed at her comment, he would love to be the one to kick that guy's arse but knew that more than likely Jason and Trent would kick his arse for getting into a fight in his condition and more so for a girl. Sonny would more likely help and Brock would more than likely offer him Cerb. But something he had always known even from being a young kid was that women were just as powerful as men. More so when they truly believed in their cause. His grandmother was one such person. And now Davis, Mandy, Naima and Emma were continuing that for him. He had no doubt that Michelle could handle herself in a fight but maybe a little training would help. "Think you can handle it," he added with his normal boyish grin.

"You are a unique man, Clay." She said after she took a few minutes to take in what he had just said. But her words were true, she couldn't think of a guy like Clay. He was so unique, caring and strong.

Clay laughed at her response. "Thanks, I think."

"So I'll call you later," Michelle was able to say with a small smile, she was close enough to give Clay a small peck on the cheek before turning quickly with surprise of the sound of the door opening.

Clay looked around her to see Trent with his Chester Cat grin still on his face, "Am I interrupting something?" He asked knowing too well that he had. Clay groaned. He knew he was not going to hear the end of this.

Michelle turned to face him, first with concern that he was hurt but quickly caught on to what he meant. She turned a lovely shade of pink before turning back to face Trent. "I'll go let Doctor Winn know I'm done." And with that, she made a very quick exit from the room.

Clay was still shaking his head at Trent's face who looked like he had made his day. "Did you just get a date?" He asked, knowing too well that Clay was going to get an ear full from Naima for this as soon as she heard about it and more so from Sonny for not finding out if she had a friend.

"No, we were just talking." Clay stated trying to sound innocent. But knew that it didn't matter what he said, Trent wasn't going to believe him. Not one bit.

"Undeliverable," Trent muttered as he collected his jacket and shrugged it on.

"Shut up," Clay muttered as Doctor Winn came in looking over some more paperwork.

"Ok, Petty Officer, you can go. Trent has the list of the exercises that I want you to do and I will see you again in two weeks to re-Xray that shoulder to make sure it has healed the way I want it too." He said and with that handed Trent his appointment card which had already been filled in with his next appointment which he hoped was going to be one of his last appointments. He was really getting sick of it all.

"Thanks, Doc." They both said together as Clay got to his feet and shrugged on his own jacket. Doctor Winn had already left the room for his next appointment but he didn't often stay behind and talk as he did have other patients to see.

"Let's get out of here before you get any more dates," Trent said with a smile as he opened the door to the hallway letting Clay out still smirking.

"I didn't..."Clay started to say but knew better of it, Trent was not going to stop it. "...never mind." He ended up saying shaking his head.

However, what didn't help his case was as he passed the nurses' station his eyes clocked Michelle who was sat filling in some paperwork. Their eyes met and suddenly they both went a shade of pink. Clay glared at Trent who was trying really hard not to burst out laughing and give them away. All he needed was the other nurses working out that he had given Michelle his number.

Quickly he shot his elbow into Trent's ribs with enough force to let him know he was not impressed. "Shut up Trent." He muttered under his breath as they left the hospital. However, they had barely gotten to Trent's car when he burst out laughing.

Maybe visiting the hospital wouldn't be so bad if he could see Michelle, he liked her but it was more that she saw him as a human and not an operator. She didn't know what he was capable of, what he did for a living. She saw him as human, something that had not happened to him for a long time. Maybe things were changing for the better. Well he could only hope.


	38. Just Dinner

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Clay couldn't believe it. He really was hard to believe that not but three weeks ago he was getting his shoulder rechecked and the staples removed from his head. And now his shoulder had finally been cleared to start training again however with restrictions. He was not to push himself too much as he could rebreak the newly healed bones. Trent and Lucas had set up his physio schedule for the next few months to make sure that he worked each part of his body in a safe manner. No one including him wanted to do something that could set him back any further. Even if all he wanted to do was to jump straight into training to get back to the team as quickly as possible.

But he knew that he needed to be smarter than that, his body had been through a lot and pushing himself too much wouldn't help anyone, including himself. And so his training had begun the next day after Winn had signed him off on his shoulder. The next day he had gotten Trent to book in his first session with Lucas on how to get his full range of movement back into his shoulder. To be honest with himself, after the first session all he wanted to do was shoot himself with how much pain was burning through his veins. Thankfully, Trent had given him some pretty strong painkillers which in all knocked him out for a good few hours. Thankfully as time went on the pain grow less and less. And things were getting better. Both with his training and his mental health. His physio appointment was going well and he had already started to feel a little more like himself, and more so when he was allowed in the gym. But as time went on he felt stronger again. As time went on he was slowly getting his strength back.

But what was really helping him was not the physical things he could do now. It was the long conversations he had at night with Michelle that was really helping him. It felt strange talking to someone who he really didn't know that well about his problems. She was easy to talk to, she didn't judge him or tell him he was wrong. She just listened and asked if all his brothers were always this protective? He smiled and had to answer truthfully. Because they were. He really liked Michelle and their conversations which he had in Jason's spare room as if he had them in the living room then Sonny would often jump in and steal his phone. Michelle often asked him how he was doing and how he was dealing with all the training that had been set up for him. He could tell that she was worried about him, she knew his injuries and from what he could tell from how Naima acted when he had gotten back from the gym with Brock with blood on his top, which in fairness came from him cutting it on one a thorn brush outside the gym, he guessed that he everyone was still worried about him.

On the other hand, not like the others Michelle often asked him about what he was most excited about doing when he was given the all-clear to return to full training and hopefully back to Bravo. She didn't care about the big things like getting back to Bravo but the little things. He guessed the things that would make him feel the most human, things that other people would take for granted. He had thought carefully before he had answered but honestly, the idea of being able to stay awake for a full day was one of the best things he could think of and told Michelle so. His ability to stay awake had improved and now he was able to stay awake for most of the day, but he was still having to take a nap or two just to reach the evening without having to go to bed early. Something he missed doing as when he was with them all watching Tv or just talking, he felt normal.

He also asked her about her day. Working at a hospital, Michelle, like him, dealt with a lot of pain and suffering but also the goodness in humanity. The goodness in people. It was nice to know that there was some left in the world, even if he didn't see it that often. But what was really nice about talking to Michelle was that she reminded him of that. She often told him about a patient or two that had made her smile or laugh and ones that she would happy never treat again if given the chose. But more importantly for him, it was nice to talk to someone who was normal. Someone who hadn't been hardened by war, and someone who really didn't judge him for doubting everything he thought he knew.

He knew that his brothers would be there for him and wouldn't judge him for what he was feeling. But at the same time talking to them caused him to feel like was a complete failure just as he feared he was. He knew he was been stupid, and if they knew what was plaguing his head nearly every night before he fell asleep. Or really every time he had was left alone with his own thoughts too long. He knew it was silly that he felt like this as he was not to blame for anything that happened but at the same time, he couldn't get the image of watching Doctor Aksoy get shot or seeing Richie, Jimmy, Alex and John laying on the ground dead. Maybe his dad had been right about him, and he was just a screw-up.

But even Michelle wouldn't allow him to talk about himself like that. She often told him that he had to believe in himself in order to get better but at the same time, how could he forgive himself? It was a good question and one he had no answer too, not yet anyway. And maybe with time, he would find it. Adam had been the one to tell him repeatedly that the teams were a family and if he tried to fight it then they were just a risk to everyone.

Talking to Michelle really did help him and after three weeks of talking, he had finally asked her to dinner. It wasn't really a date as such but a chance for both of them to see if there was anything there. Not that Sonny would believe him. It also felt really weird that he had to get permission to go out for the night. Without having a bodyguard. That was one of the points that he had shot down really quickly, he wanted to enjoy his night and not worry about messing up in front of one of his brothers. When had stood them of the dinner with Michelle, he got a mixed reaction.

Sonny and Jason were not happy about the idea of letting him out at night and alone. Clay knew that it wasn't really him that they didn't trust. It was themselves. Which was really odd, Jason and Sonny were the most headstrong of them all if he didn't count himself. It was odd to see them so worried. He knew that it was going to be a long time before either one of them were happy about letting him out of their sight. Sonny was normally the most outspoken and stubborn person he had ever known and seeing him so worried and quiet was a little worrying. But he understood why, before he left on that stupid and deadly mission they were at odds most of the time. He knew that it was stupid thinking back at their little arguments but it was something that he knew Sonny was stuck on. And he guessed that seeing him technically dead on the boat had really shaken him and more so when he had woke up with no memory. He knew that was a similar thing for Jason as well. He knew that his team leader was still blaming himself and it didn't matter how many times he told him that he didn't blame him. At the same time, he knew that Jason would continue to blame himself until he could physically show him that he was back to normal and even then that might not be enough.

Trent had only agreed to the dinner as long as he could complete a full health check before and after the dinner to make sure he didn't damage any of the work the doctors had done or cause himself a new injury. He had pointed out what could he possibly do in only three hours and had gotten a pretty long list in return. He had also promised not to drink and stick to a light diet which had been agreed with by his doctors. He still was having trouble with heavy foods like red meat. Something that he hoped would go soon as he really did miss Sonny's barbeque. But at the same time, he was enjoying eating healthy again and the humour at watching Sonny try green food.

Ray and Brock had been supportive of the whole thing. Ray knew that they were suffocating him a little. Even with the gym visits and the range trips, they never left Clay alone. He was always with one of them and he could tell that it was getting to their youngest brother. Brock also got it as well and thankfully had started to take Clay with him to base with Cerberus and when he was working with his four-legged friend he would let Clay really do what he wanted. Often he found find him sitting in his cage reading happily, just waiting for him to say he was done. But also during the time when he wasn't supervised, he had gone to work with Beau and Full Metal as long as Bravo didn't find out. If they did, then the blame would very much land on his shoulders not them. Working with other teams, training with them had started to make him feel normal. But at times he did feel like he was betraying his own brothers by working with the others. Full Metal didn't really care as long as Clay got back to full health. Alpha 1IC ran with Bravo a lot when needed and truthfully Full Metal was as close to a member of Bravo as anyone else. Beau, on the other hand, had made sure he knew that if he wanted to transfer then Charlie would have him in a second. But at the same time, he knew that Clay did still belong to Hayes and it didn't matter what bad blood was between them as he was helping an injured brother. They were all family at the end of the day, no matter what team they were on.

When they were resting, as Clay didn't want to meet Brock looking too tired, he often found himself talking to both teams about what he had missed. Beau had told him that they had taken Bravo's deployment however due to the current climate of everything had been replaced with the new Echo team as soon as it finished. The deployment had gone really without a problem and that they had found that Zurkoff's death had caused a lot of problems for their enemies. Which meant more of their brothers and sisters were coming home alive and not in body bags. But Clay wasn't a child and knew that soon someone else would fill Zurkoff's spot on the market and then they were found face a whole new problem. However like Beau had pointed out, that was a battle for another day.

That sentence was what he was thinking about as he and Jason drove through the streets towards the restaurant that Michelle had picked. It was a small place, close to both Jason's apartment and hers. Since he was still not allowed to drive and to one of the rules Jason had set in place when he agreed to the idea, Jason was his transport too and from the dinner. He had shaken his head and muttered that he wasn't a child but there was no point arguing. He wouldn't win. Not by a long shot.

As they pulled up outside the restaurant and into a space right in front of the main door, Jason sighed as he turned off the engine. He really didn't like this at all, he would feel a lot better if Clay had allowed them to be inside the restaurant at the same time to keep an eye on him but Naima had shot them down quickly. She was a force to be reconded with when she was mad. Then they had planned to stake outside the place and watch to make sure their boy was covered but that plan was shot down even quicker. Mainly because Ray pointed out that if Naima ever found out she would kill them all. And Ray wanted to keep his wife on her good side as he didn't want to have to sleep on the couch for the seeable future. And so they just had to trust Clay.

Clay was thankful that it was Jason dropping him off and not Sonny. He loved his brother, he did, but at the same, he drove him mental and more so when they talked about dating or women. He had given him enough grief about Michelle that he was sure Sonny thought he was already dating her and didn't tell him. Michelle was a nice enough girl but he didn't know if the timing was right for him or her. She had just gotten out of a serious relationship and he had been through what professionals would call a severe trauma and he had a feeling starting a relationship when he was barely holding it together was a good idea. But most of all, not fair on Michelle.

Clay watched carefully as Jason turned off the engine, he could see that his team leader was finding it hard to do this. They sat there in silence for a few moments before Jason broke it. "Ok..." He started before turning not just his head but his body so he could see Clay better. "...call me when you're ready to be picked up." He finished, watching Clay's every move but also the location around them. Clay had already seen his eyes dart around them looking for any danger.

Clay sighed and shook his head, now he knew what Emma meant by the very overprotect father thing she had warned him about. Had Jason done this to her for her dates? He already knew that he had once or twice 'accidentally' gotten his gun out and cleaned it when her dates had picked her up. He couldn't actually believe that he was now doing the same to him. "Yes dad," Clay muttered loudly, as he turned his head to look at Jason with a look that gave a very clear 'really?'

Jason glared back and raised his eyebrows with no humour in his face. There was no way he was letting Clay out of the truck until he knew that the kid was, in fact, doing to call him when he was ready to be picked up. He wasn't about to let the kid out alone and more so walking the streets at night alone. Not in his condition.

"What?" Clay asked shaking his head. He loved his brothers but this overprotectiveness was really getting on his nerves. "This is silly..." He huffed as he crossed his arms, he knew that he must sound like a child but if they insisted on treating him as one then he might as well act like one. He hadn't been given the chance to when he was a kid so no time like the present. He then sighed and looked at Jason, "Doc said I was fine," He added shaking his head again. He was sick of repeating that to them all, for god's sake, Trent and Jason had been in the room when his shoulder had been signed off and he had informed them all on what he was allowed to do and stuff that he had to be careful of.

"I know I was there," Jason stated looking at Clay like the kid hadn't started to act as childish as Mikey did. But to be fair on the kid, he had been through a lot and they had been a little overpowering over him. But at the same time, Clay was still a kid, his kid, which meant he had to listen to him. For now anyway.

"So what's the problem? It's just dinner." Clay asked. He was grateful that they had let him do this and trusted him enough to go out without them but at the same time he wasn't a kid and he wasn't vulnerable. He was a Tier One Operator, a Navy Seal, and a member of Bravo. He could look after himself, even injured he had more of a chance than anyone else who was healthy. And for the simple fact that all he was doing was having dinner with a nurse in a small place in a good area he thought the way that they were acting it was like he was having dinner with a terrorist in the middle of J-bag without his gun.

"I know," Jason said nodding his head, agreeing with Clay's statement. It was only dinner, something he had done with them a number of times since he was getting out of the house more but then again this would be the first time that he wouldn't have one of them watching his back.

Clay waited a moment and when he worked out that Jason wasn't going to add anything else he quickly added looking towards the restaurant. "And Naima know Michelle." Naima and Michelle had worked with each other for a few years, Clay had found out. And Naima liked her. Naima had told Clay that she was one of the few nurses that she got on well with but some times found herself on different shifts to her so she didn't know her that well.

"I know she does," Jason said, Naima had made it clear to them that Michelle was a lovely girl who cared a lot for people. Someone who would help and care for Clay if they started a relationship. She also had warned them not to get involved as it was none of their business if Clay did start seeing Michelle. To be fair to the girl, he had only met her in the hospital once but she seemed ok. On the other hand, he thought the same for Stella and the woman had gone and broke Clay's heart. Sending him into a war zone which a broken heart and no output for it. Thankfully the kid hadn't gotten himself killed but he had started to question him on a lot of things. Now looking back he knew that Clay had been venting his own anger at anyone he could. Which he was fine with as it meant he wasn't taking it out on himself, and maybe he had been right to question him as his head hadn't been in the best place either.

"She is also a nurse who knows my whole case..." Clay added. He knew Michelle had been aware of him the moment he had entered the hospital, apparently, he had been a big topic between the nurses. He had laughed a little at the crazy stories they had thought up about him. None being true, but it was funny to think that that was what was going through their minds. One thought he was a secret agent with the C.I.A and had been hurt saving the president like on some Tv show she had been watching. The other had thought he was a criminal who had tries all the way up the justice system who were protecting him.

Jason didn't answer Clay as he wasn't the problem, neither was Michelle. But all of this was his problem, not the kids. Yes, the girl been a nurse did help his case as he knew that she could look after him if anything happened. But he didn't know her that well. None of them did. And more important either did Clay, he didn't want the kid hurt again. Not after everything he had been through.

Clay shook his head and then added: "...and she also thinks it's weird that I am still living with my boss when the doctor cleared me to go home."

Jason sighed and turned to face the steering wheel; they had finally arrived at the conversation that he had been dreading. Yes, Winn had cleared Clay to return to his own apartment with instruction that someone keeps an eye on him or be close to help him with things if he needed it. Derek, of course, lived across the hall from him and since Alpha was home it meant Clay would have someone there if he needed him but at the same time, he wasn't ready to let the kid go off on his own just yet. It had nothing to do with how quickly Clay was healing because he was, the doctors were worried about him really anymore unless they counted the worry of him overdoing himself. Or the fact that the kid was now not suffering from nightmares as badly as he had been. The kid wasn't the problem, he was.

Every time he closed his eyes he was back on that boat watching Archie and Trent try to get Clay's heart beating again. His kid was pale, with blue lips. He was dead. And now he couldn't sleep without seeing him like that, he found himself checking on Clay repeatedly during the night, just seeing that he was actually awake and not still trapped in his nightmare. He never wanted to see the kid like that again. Never. Clay was too young to die like that, he was going to make sure that he was alive and got to live a full life. Even if it killed him. Truthfully he knew he couldn't talk like that or think like it more likely. But Clay, like all of his men, were his responsibly. He had to protect them, even with his life.

Since Jason didn't look like he was going to give him an answer Clay asked the questions that were spinning around his head. "So what's the deal? You don't think I'm ready?"

Jason shook his head, it wasn't that he thought Clay wasn't ready because he knew that he was. The kid had shown them that he was more than ready, so why was it so hard to let him go? "No." It was the only thing he could force himself to say in answer to Clay's questions. He knew that he owed the kid more of an explanation but at the minute he couldn't give one.

"That I'm going to do something stupid?" Clay asked he knew that he had done some pretty stupid things in the past but did they really think he would do something like that now when he was still healing.

"No," Jason said, this time with a little bit more force. He knew Clay would never do anything that could possibly cause him to have to wait any more time in returning to Bravo. They missed the kid and he knew that he missed them. One of the other reasons why he had wanted to keep Clay with him as it stopped the brass sending them on missions since Clay needed someone around him. And stopped them from forcing him to pick a draft member. He knew that their patience was running out but with Clay living with him they couldn't do anything about it. But then again, Clay needed and wanted to look after himself. Clay understood what the brass were doing and knew that with another member it meant the missions they would be going on would be a little bit safer. However, this was his family they were trying to mess with and that was the reason he wasn't happy.

The other thing was that he knew that if he left Clay training on base without them then other teams might start to notice him more than they already had and try to steal him from them. He knew that with the last name Spenser, Clay wasn't that popular in the Seals. But on the teams, Clay was a full package. Someone who all Team 1IC wanted. The kid was a born leader, a natural sniper and could speak multiple languages which he knew was growing every month as he would see Clay with another book in another language. Some he didn't even know he spoke and more so read. Any team would be lucky to have Clay on it but that wasn't going to happen. Not as long as he was Bravo's 1IC. Clay was his.

"Then what?" Clay asked throwing his hand into the air and then used it to lean his head against the window. He was already getting a headache, which was something he really didn't need right now.

"Look..." Jason said look at Clay once again but then stopped and waited till Clay meet his graze. "It's not you, ok? It's me," It was really hard to admit that he was the problem here but he needed the kid to understand that he had done nothing wrong. This time it wasn't his fault. It was his.

"What?" Clay asked now really confused and turning all his attention to Jason. He had no idea what he was on about. What was his fault? If it was him getting hurt then he thought he had been through all of that before and had told him that he never blamed him.

Jason sighed and found himself rubbing his hand over his leg once again. He did it without thinking. "Clay..." He started to stay but then stopped. How could he tell someone who he knew looked up to him that he was the problem holding him back? Could he explain it? But at the same time, Clay deserved answers. And he couldn't be the reason why Clay couldn't move forward after what happened to him. The kid deserved to move toward and get better. With another sigh, he continued. "...the last time I let you out of my sight the next time I saw you you were..."

Clay shook his head, he couldn't believe this. He had talked to Jason about not blaming himself for what he couldn't control, why couldn't he just listen to him? He never blamed them for what happened to him. Bravo had saved him, his brothers hadn't let him down like so many others in his life. "That wasn't your fault, I went through all that already," Clay said. Why wouldn't he just believe him and move on? To be truthful it was the thought that his brothers wouldn't stop till they found him and they hadn't let him down. They had brought him back and not just home. They had saved him.

"Clay..." Jason started to argue. Clay might be ready to forgive him but he wasn't ready to forgive himself.

"No, what happened to me wasn't your fault, Jones and Zurkoff are to blame for what happened to me. Not you!" Clay said stopping Jason in his tracks. He was really getting sick of them all blaming themselves for what happened to him. He had heard their apologizes again and again ever since he got out of the hospital and it didn't matter how many time he told them that he didn't blame them they kept repeating it.

Trent had been one of the worst, as the team's medic he felt responsible for not getting to Clay quick enough. For some reason, he thought that if he had gotten to Clay sooner than he could have stopped him from suffering hypoxia. Winn had guessed that along with his head injury, they had caused his memory loss. Brock had apologized for Cerberus not finding him quick enough to stop him from drowning and had promised that he would get to work on Cerberus' tracking training straight away. He had told him that he didn't blame him or Cerberus for what happened to him, even Cerberus had glued himself to him and didn't look like he wanted to leave him any time soon. Sonny blamed himself for not saving him from going on the stupid mission in the first place. Ray had started to blame himself for not noticing that Clay wasn't breathing when he had first gotten to him or the trap door. In waiting for Cerberus they had wasted precious time. Jason, however, was the worst. Jason was blaming himself for everything that had ever happened to him. From not been there for him when he was given the mission, to not been able to save him from Zurkoff's men and attack.

In the end, Clay knew that his brothers may never be able to forgive themselves for what happened to him. No matter how many times he told them that he didn't blame them. To be truthful, he knew that it wasn't his forgiveness that they needed. It was their own. They had to forgive themselves. And that was something he couldn't do for them.

"Look..." Clay then said after a few moments of silence. "...I don't mind staying at your for a little longer as I don't think my place is livable at the moment."

He knew that he loved the idea of sleeping in his own bed for what felt like forever but at the same time he knew that Bravo had gone through some of the same pain he had when they had found out that he was missing. They had thought that they had lost their brother, he knew personally that that took some getting over. If they ever did. If it allowed Jason to sleep at night then maybe he should stay with Jason a little longer. It wasn't hurting anyone and since Jason's place was bigger than his so it meant all of Bravo could get together.

"Look Clay I know you're ready..." Jason said rubbing his fingers through his hair as he spoke. "...I'm the problem."

"It's not like I'm going to be on my own," Clay said shrugging his shoulders. If Jason was worried about him being alone then he was wrong. He knew that at least one of his brothers was moving in with him. Even if it was against his will.

"I know we will be there if you need us," Jason said. He knew that Clay's apartment building housed at least four team guys and their partners which meant that Clay had help whenever he needed it.

Clay smiled and chuckled causing Jason to look at him confused. "No that's not what I meant." He said laughing. But the look on Jason's face clearly told him that he had no idea what he was talking about. Shaking his head again he explained, "Sonny has already planned to move in with me for the seeable future."

Jason looked a little shocked at the comment but then could stop himself for laughing. But it wasn't the fake laugh he had been putting on for the last few weeks. It was real. Looking over at Clay who pulled a face made him laugh even more. He should have guessed that Sonny was moving in with Clay the second the doctor had told them that he could go back to his own place. It was stupid of him to think that Sonny was going to let Clay go home alone.

Clay chuckled as well, it was nice to hear Jason laugh properly. It had been too long since he had heard it but then his face grew serious, "Hey you might be laughing now but if you get a phone call telling you I'm going to kill him then I'm serious."

Jason laughed and shook his head. "I know." Sometimes Sonny could be a little full-on and more so when one of his brothers were hurt. And more so when that injuries brother was their youngest. Jason knew that for Sonny, Clay was his little brother that needed to protected at all cost and more so when he was out of their sight.

"Good..." Clay said nodded, he was glad that Jason took him seriously on the threat. Not that he would ever hurt one of his brothers but if one of them drove him mad then he had no problem using the threats to get him out. After a few moments of silence, he added, "...so..."

That caused Jason to turn and look at Clay even more confused than before. After a few moments, Clay couldn't stop the grin from showing. And chuckled a little. Jason was now worried, the grin he had seen before on Mikey right before he did or say something stupid. Clay then turned to face Jason more clearly and put on those puppy dog eyes that he had been known for. "Can I stay out after curfew Dad?"

Jason stared at Clay. Did those words just come from the kid's mouth? Then he shook his head, maybe the kid was feeling better and now really getting on his nerves. "Shut up and get out of the car." He stated shaking his head and pushed Clay's shoulder, motioning him to get out.

"Yes Boss." Clay said laughing as he climbed out of the truck. He knew that he was pushing his luck with Jason but at the same time he couldn't help but say it. Jason was acting so much like a father to him lately and strangely he liked it.

Jason then leant towards the open door and shouted. "And I'm serious about calling me." And he was. He was not about to let the kid walk home alone and at night. Not now and not for the seeable future.

"I know," Clay said with a groan. Jason might be acting like his father but it was a little annoying. He wasn't a child so why were they acting like one.

"Coz if you don't..." Jason said making sure that in his voice he turned up his 1IC. He needed Clay to do as he was told and more so today, because if he didn't then there would be a hunting party of a Tier One Operators searching for their missing brother again.

"I'm grounded?" Clay asked, but made sure that he sounded like a child who knew that he was going to be in trouble if he didn't do as he was told as he closed the door to the truck but sadly for him he had left the window open.

Jason sighed and really wanted to hit his head repeatedly off the steering wheel at Clay's comment. If Clay wasn't hurt then he would clip him over the head repeatedly for the seeable future and make him redo Green Team all over again. "No..." Jason said trying not to laugh at the childish grin that Clay was now sporting. "...your running hills from the moment you're cleared to return till the new year."

Clay laughed and then nodded, he knew that Jason was serious about making him run hills when he got back. "Got it, boss." He added as he moved towards the door to the restaurant hoping that things went ok.

Jason watched as Clay walked away and into the restaurant. He sighed again but this time allowed his head to hit the headrest a little harder than he meant too. Why was this so hard? Clay was one of his men, not his kid and yet he was sat here worrying that Clay was going to get hurt all over again. Something he never wanted to see again. Maybe Clay was one of his kids after all. But if Clay really liked Michelle then he wasn't going to stop him. He just hoped that things would turn out better this time.

A noise broke him out of his thoughts, he looked down at his phone and saw Ray's number pop up. He smiled and picked it up, "Hey Ray." Listening closely to what Ray had to say, and then his face turned a little serious. This was the last thing he needed to hear. They were been spun up. The last thing he needed right now. "...Ok, I meet you on base. I'll text Derek to pick Clay up when he's ready and take him back to my place. He has keys." Jason said shaking his head. He had hoped that they would get away with not been spun up until Clay was at his own place.

As he hung up on Ray he sent a quick text to Clay explaining the new plan and then sent a quick text to Derek asking him to pick Clay up before he threw his phone onto the passenger seat and set off towards base shaking his head. He just hoped the mission was a quick one so they could get back to Clay as soon as possible. Or better yet, they didn't have to go after all. He never thought that he would not want to go on a mission in his life but things were different now. One of his kids was hurt, and he had to leave him alone. Again.

When he stopped at a red light he quickly picked up his phone and sent a quick text to Full Metal, Beau and Big Chief that they were not allowed to let Clay out of their sight at all when they were away. He was not about to let the whole situation repeat itself. Clay was confined to his place, the base and that was it. He was not losing him again. They weren't losing him again. Not if he could stop it.


	39. Family Barbeque

Chapter Thirty-Nine

A family barbeque at the beach sounded like one of the best ideas he had heard all year. Strangely enough, the idea had come from Sonny of all people. Which was really hard to believe if he hadn't been in the room when Sonny had pitched the idea.

Sonny had brought up the idea at first in the cages after they have gotten back from the quick mission. Clay had been on base working with Derek and Franklin on the killing house when they had gotten back. To be truthful he had heard them come back when they had gotten back from the training field. He could hear Sonny's voice from the moment he stepped back onto the base. His loud Texan brother was making everyone aware of how annoying the flight home was. He had also bumped into Lisa as he headed towards the cages who was muttering about an idea of soundproofing the cages to cut out the annoying voices of Tier One Operators. He had laughed at that comment as he entered the cages to see all his brother alive.

Clay had really missed his brothers and quickly had asked them how the mission had gone. Sonny and Jason had laughed it off and told him how easy it was and how they could have done it in their sleep but he wasn't stupid or fooled. Mainly because Ray had come back with a gash on the left side of his forehead and what looked like one hell of a headache. And Trent had a nice black eye forming and bruising along his jaw. He had been decked in the face from what the bruising was showing.

Clay had asked Trent what had happened when they had gotten back to Jason's when they were alone in the kitchen. He wouldn't get any answers from Ray and he knew it. But he couldn't even get the truth out of Trent. Instead, he had come up with the story saying that he had accidentally scared Sonny on the plane ride home who in turn had punched him. But Clay knew that that wasn't true as if Sonny had punched him then it would have caused Sonny to look guilty and unable to look Trent in the eye. Also, he would be repeating apologize for it even. In the end, he had given up asking what had happened as he knew that his brothers were as stubborn as he was and wouldn't change their mind unless something else changed.

After an enjoyable dinner of Chinese food and drinks, Sonny had brought up the idea again. At first, they all had thought that maybe they should take his beer away from him since he was already on his ninth and he had already had two glasses of whisky beforehand. But after ten minutes of explaining himself, they all agreed that it was a really good idea. A good way to get the whole family together again.

Something that Clay missed greatly. When they all got together it didn't matter what their rank was or which team they were part of. It was a place where they all could relax. And forget about things that normally worried them. Like up and coming deployments or targets that they knew were soon to all into their laps. They could just relax and enjoy time with their families. They could just forget all their problems that came with the job.

The only problems that they needed to worry about were who was in charge of bringing the beer (and what type) and how long would the food take to be ready. Hungry seals were a dangerous breed. And more so when Sonny's famous barbeque was on the menu. It was a running joke within the teams that Sonny would die for the recipe and he had nearly when he stupidly left it in a sniper hide once. That comment was brought up every time Sonny cooked and they weren't about to let him forget it. But they understood why he had gone back because Sonny's barbeque was legendary.

Being around his family was one of the things that Clay really missed the most. He hated having to sit back and watch his brothers run into danger without him. He missed the friendly banter, the funny remarks and complaints that came with hanging around with them. When Bravo was out on their mission, Clay was pretty much on his own at Jason's place. It felt strange that he was alone in his boss' house but at the same time he felt safe there. Bravo was only gone for two days and during the day he spent all his time on base but at night he was alone. It felt strange and to be honest he hated it. In those nights alone, he couldn't close his eyes without reliving his nightmares.

On a few occasions, he had woke up in hot sweats screaming one of his fallen brothers' names. It took him almost twenty minutes before he could get his heart rate and breathing back under control by himself. Normally he had Jason or Sonny there to help him, get him to focus on the fact that he wasn't where anymore. On the ship or in the street in Manila. He knew that he was safe and that those dreams weren't true but he couldn't stop them. They kept coming, it was like when his brothers had become his shield against them and with them gone they returned.

But also Clay missed is brothers, with them he could feel more like himself. They were really the only consent thing in his life. He knew that it sounded strange as he was a grown man and a Seal at that but at the same time he never really had a family before. Ever since he had gotten hurt he felt strange, it was like a part of him was missing. It was hard to describe what he was feeling but it felt very much like he didn't belong. The only time he felt somewhat like this before was when he first joined Bravo. He had joined the team and at first, he felt like the spare part. He was not wanted even though he had been selected. He knew that the guys didn't like him at first and maybe he hadn't helped with his attitude but he had learned. Finding a footing in a new team was always hard, with Richard, he had been lucky, the guy had seen right through him and knew that being his attitude was just someone who was broken. Maybe he still was.

The barbeque had taken a few days to organise, mainly because Sonny hadn't just invited Bravo's families and their support teams but pretty much the whole of DEVGRU. Well, the ones that were in the country with their families. But also since they were planning on holding it on the base on base they had to get Lisa and Blackburn to call in from favours so it could happen. The idea of holding it where they normally did had come up however there wouldn't be enough room for everyone and they needed to be together as a family. Also with the other teams coming it meant three times as much banter as normal which was what they all needed. The betrail of someone against one of their own ran deep with them all. They were all feeling the hurt, not just Bravo and Clay knew that the relationship between the Teams and the CIA was damaged. But hopefully not broken.

On the other hand, sometimes getting all the guys together was a dangerous thing too. If they got too drunk then it might end up in a fistfight but then again the wives were going to be there to keep them all in check. Naima could control all of Bravo without having to raise her voice, she could do it all with a look when needed and he knew that many of the guys were terrified of pissing off their other halves. It was funny that trained Navy Seals who faced danger every day of their lives and yet they were scared of their wives. So far the guest list contained all of Bravo and their families, Alpha and theirs, Charlie with theirs and all of their support teams. One big messed up and crazy family. But that was his family and to be honest with himself a lot more tamer than the one he was born into.

As soon as Bravo returned, Clay had gotten one of the best nights sleep he had since Bravo had left. Jason and Sonny had stayed over. Jason had wanted to send everyone home but Sonny wasn't going to move, mainly because he had actually passed out in his seat. He had asked Jason if he could mess with Sonny a little bit at that moment but Jason had warned him of it. But that didn't stop him from taking a few photos of the passed out brother before heading to bed.

A few days after the guys had returned, his nightmares had returned. But he knew why. One night when Jason and him were alone at his place watching Tv. The rest of the team had headed home or to the bar in the case of Sonny. They had sat in silence for most of the night watching a re-run of a hockey game that Jason had missed when he had been deployed when Jason blurted out that they had organized on the way back from their mission to go to Clay's place and make sure it was ready for him to return home.

Clay had literally choked on his drink when he had said it, he had to re-run the last conversation he had with Jason outside the restaurant. Jason had told him he didn't want him to go but yet he had changed his mind. Clay knew that his place wasn't really liveable at the moment as he had left in a hurry but he could do it. However, after he told him that it was not necessary and that he could sort it out himself, he was quickly shot down.

One the day of the barbeque, he had been left with babysitting duty with Jameelah and Ray Jr with help from Emma when everyone else disappeared. But he wasn't stupid, he knew where they all were. During the time that he was babysitting, he had taken a quick nap but it didn't last long. He had re-visited the cold wet hull. Thankfully he hadn't called attention to Jameelah who was sat in the floor colouring in a picture. Emma had taken Ray Jr for his nap. He didn't want to scare the little girl who was really enjoying having her Uncle Clay back.

At around four o'clock Jason and Naima had turned up at the house to pick up the kids and said their goodbyes. Naima had to remind Jameelah that they would see Clay later on at the barbeque. Emma had disappeared off saying she was going to pick up a few things for the evening leaving Jason and Clay alone. Apparently, his place was more of a mess than he remembered, according to Jason. Normally he kept things really clean and got rid of any food that could go out of date. He was very careful not to get rid of food that he knew wouldn't go out of date but after what had happened, he ended up being away for much longer than he thought and a few other things needed to go.

But also he had a feeling that his brothers hadn't just tired the place but more likely restocked every cupboard he had. Sonny also would have taken the time to move into Clay's place, making sure that he had got everything he wanted. Not like Clay had much of a choice, Sonny was moving in with him whether he liked it or not.

Then again, he also knew that Sonny wouldn't have been there all day. As he had to get his meat ready. He didn't think Sonny like anything more than being with Bravo and in the fight but been at the fire pit barbequing his meat was a close second.

At around six, Jason and Clay had made their way to the beach after stopping at a local shop to pick up some more beer and cola after they had gotten an emergency message from Ray asking them to bring some. Clay had chuckled to himself as Jason had muttered about those who had let them down, he had a feeling that Jason and Ray had planned who would bring what to make sure that they had enough food and drink for everyone. But in those angry mutterings, he did catch Full Metals and Archie's names in the muttering that came out of Jason's mouth.

As they pulled up into the car park, Clay was stunned about how many cars and trucks were already there. He knew that there was going to be a lot of them but seeing all the cars had told him how really big his family was. Collecting the beer and cola from the back of the truck before they headed down to the beach. With it still being summer there was still a lot of light allowing him to see the large camp that had been set up on the beach. Clay smiled as he heard the laughter that came from it and the sight of the younger members of their family running around chasing each other.

In the centre of the camp stood a fire pit that had been built. They knew that they had gotten permission from the base to have it (and for the fact that it was a portable one). From the centre were multiple chairs and tables for people to sit on and eat. Some of them had even put up tents for the kids to play in.

The teams were a family and just seeing them all together made Clay be thankful for the family he had now. A lot of the guys knew what had happened to him and as he moved towards the fire pit many of them acknowledge them as they made their way to the fire pit. Where they could hear Sonny shouting orders to Full Metal and Paul so were 'helping' with the cooking. Clay found himself chuckling as Sonny threw his arms in the air after Paul had muttered something.

As they reacted the firepit Clay had to brace himself as much as he could as Jameelah and Mikey both collided with him pulling him into a fierce hug. He had missed them, even though he had only seen Jameelah a few hours ago, but the force that they had hit him with was enough to cause him to stumble back. Jason quickly grabbed hold of him stopping him from falling completely onto his back. Naima had quickly told them that they had to be careful with their Uncle Clay. He missed them and when he found his feet he pulled them both into a strong hug. He missed his family.

Four hours later and a lot of food later most of the guys were either asleep in their chairs or enjoying the quiet evening. A few of the guys with the younger children had already left as it was already pushing ten. He had sat next to the fire pit, keeping close to the heat as lately he could feel the cold. But it was nice to spend time with everyone and had been able to catch up on things he had missed. After a few drinks in him, Clay had been able to get Archie to spill on what had happened on the mission that had caused Trent to have a bruised face and Ray a head wound.

It turns out their HVT had attacked Ray as he and Trent had tried to secure him. He had punched Trent in the face knocking him off balance and then had slammed Ray into a shelf that was lining the wall. Clay had been really confused on how a man had been able to overpower two well-trained Seals. But then Archie said something that worried him, every single member of the support team had noticed that all of Bravo was off a little. Even been off a little was a dangerous thing for them and more so when they were dealing with HVTs.

However, Clay knew why they were so distracted. It was him. He had been the distraction that had nearly cost him two of his brothers. After learning the truth Clay made his way over to one of the sand dunes on the other side of the camp. Close enough that they could still see him but not too close that he felt like he was been suffocated.

Was he putting his brothers at risk without meaning too? Did they think he was so weak that he couldn't defend himself?

"Is everything ok?" A voice from the shadows said, causing him to jump a little. The light had now fallen pretty well that left only the moonlight and the glow from the fire left to light up the beach. He wasn't scared of the voice, because he trusted it with his life but he did find it a little odd that she was still here.

"Yer..." Clay said moving a little as Naima chose to sit down next to him. He had thought that she would have gone home with Jameelah and Ray Jr to get them into bed. "Why haven't you gone home? And why wouldn't I be?" He asked he knew that he should really space out his questions but he couldn't stop himself from asking them. Maybe he was trying to fool himself more than her.

Naima paused as she sat down next to him. She had picked up that something was wrong with the young man the moment she spotted him talking to Archie. She knew that something had happened on Bravo's latest mission and with Ray's head wound, she knew it was bad. However, what scared her more was seeing Clay shut down the moment Archie had got up to pick up another beer. She hadn't said anything to Ray who was sat right next to her laughing at something Full Metal had said. But as soon as Archie had moved, Clay had taken off away from the group. "Jameelah wanted Emma to take her so she has taken her, Mikey and Ray Jr with her. She is staying with us since you are with Jason. And for why I'm asking is that I'm just wondering why you are all the way over here and not with your family."

Clay nodded, it made sense Emma taking the kids home but it also made him feel bad that he had technically kicked Emma out of her father's home. Yes, there was another room but it was small and was for Mikey to use. "Just thinking," Clay answered but didn't look at her. Naima could always read him like a book, just like Trent could. But really he just wanted to be left alone.

"Sure..." Naima said shaking her head, Clay may be the youngest on Bravo for a long time but she felt her motherly instinct come to the surface whenever she was near him. She knew that it was silly for her to feel that way towards a man who was a grown man but she couldn't help it. Clay was very much another son to her. And she wasn't the only one to treat Clay differently, she knew that all of Bravo treated Clay different. Clay was their little brother and because of that, it brought out their protective side. Personally, she knew that Clay had also brought out Jason's fatherly instinct more than ever. "...that's what we are worried about." She muttered shaking her head. Seals never liked showing emotion and hated showing vulnerability to anyone.

"Thanks," Clay muttered shaking his head. He should have known that every single one of his movements was still been watched. He just wished that they would trust him more and know that he wasn't going to disappear on them.

"No problem..." She said looking out at the dark ocean the same as Clay and after a moment she turned back to watch Clay carefully. Something wasn't right with the man in front of him and had it in her right mind to go and ask one of the others to talk to him but thought better of it. Clay would more likely just close rank on them. "...so are you going to tell me what's going on? You sure you're ok?"

"Yer..." Clay said with some confidence at first but then added quietly "I think?" It was more of a question to himself and not for Naima but she heard it.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" She asked as she gripped hold of his forearm and squeezed his arm. She knew something was running through the young man's mind but she couldn't work out what. She had heard what Archie and Clay had been talking about before Clay had taken off. She was upset that Ray had been hurt but that was the nature of the job. There was always a risk of getting hurt.

"Nothing," Clay said shrugging his shoulders. Not really wanting to talk to anyone about what was happening with him but at the same time, he knew that Naima wasn't about to get up and leave him.

"Didn't your date with Michelle go well? She didn't say much at work." Naima asked trying to work out what really was happening with Clay. After his date with Michelle, Naima had tried to get to know her fellow nurse a little better. Just to be safe. She knew that Michelle would never hurt Clay but the boy fell in love a little too easily. She remembered the long night conversations she had had with Ray after they had gotten back from whatever mission they had gone on and he had told her what Stella had done. She had been confused because the two of them seemed so right for each other but at the same time angry and annoyed that she had put not only Clay but the whole team at risk sending the boy out with his mind not clear. She had been a Seal's wife long enough to know that any problems needed to be settled before they got on that plane.

Clay's headshot round to look at Naima in shock. "Did you interrogate her at work?" He blurted out. Michelle and him had been talking still and she had not mentioned Naima at all other than the fact that she had been helping her with some course she was on.

"No of course not..." Naima started but then smiled and tilted her head like she was thinking back to what she had said on that day. "I just may have Lilly's face at lunch." She ended shrugging her shoulders with a grin clearly on her face. She had so much enjoyed that lunch break and loved to replay it in her head. Normally she enjoyed spending time with some of the other nurses on shift but some of them she couldn't stand. Lilly been one of them.

"What?" Naima asked laughing a little. "Come on, I had too I had just spent my whole lunch break listening to her tell us all about her big plan." She said shaking her head at how Lilly described Clay to them and her plans. Clay was never getting involved with that woman as long as she still breathed air. Clay was pure-hearted and didn't need the drama that came with a woman like that. She loved herself too much to even really care about Clay and his feelings.

"Big plan?" Clay asked nervously. He really didn't want to know what Lilly's big plan was for him but he had a feeling Sonny would be very happy with it. Also, she was Sonny's type. She loved herself more than anything, always had a full face of make-up and hair done properly. He couldn't stand her to be honest, he was only nice to her because he had too.

"Yer, she was planning on throwing herself at you during your next appointment," Naima explained missing out all the dirty details she had given them.

"Naima..." Clay groaned like a child would do if they were told they couldn't do something. He knew that Naima saw him as a son, even though it felt odd it was nice to know that someone cared about him.

"What? I was just looking out for you." Naima said with a smile as she tapped his shoulder.

Clay shook his head and smiled. It was odd that he had a motherly relationship with his 2IC's wife but at the same time, he saw how caring she really was. It was what made her such a good nurse and mother. Because he really cared. But that didn't mean he had to be good all the time. "Wait which one again was Lilly?"

Naima turned around to almost completely face Clay and slapped his arm a little harder than before. "There is no way I am letting you anyway near her. She would only hurt you and that isn't happening on my watch." She made sure that she put on her mom's voice as well and gave him a very stern look. All Clay could do was shake his head and smile. He couldn't look Naima in the eye at the moment mainly because he knew that if he looked at her he would start laughing. "Also, Ray didn't say anything to me so..." She added looking back towards the camp. She clearly could see Ray and Jason stood right next to each other clearly watching them but at the same time trying not to draw too much attention to them.

"It was fine," Clay said shrugging his shoulders. He wasn't lying either as he did really enjoy the dinner. Michelle was a really nice girl but she was just a friend, even if the guys wouldn't believe him. He did feel a little uncomfortable being surround by people he didn't know but at least he could put his back to the wall so he could see the whole place. Michelle hadn't minded at all and they had a good laugh trying not to laugh when a kid that was sat near them started asking really naughty questions to his parents. The mother was the same shade of red as her dress by the end of it.

"Just fine? Come on tell me what happened?" Naima asked a little worried. Michelle had said the whole thing had gone well but hadn't really said much else other than the fact that Clay was a really nice guy.

"It was nice. It was nice to talk to someone." Clay admitted finally and turned his eyes back to the ocean. This was harder than he ever thought it would be and he had expected Jason or Sonny to corner him, not Naima.

"Wait talk to someone. You can always talk to us. You know what right?" Naima asked now really confused. Ever since Clay was released from the hospital, he was never alone. There was always one or more of their family with him so why couldn't he talk to them. Or even her when she was there. Whatever was said would stay between them. No one else.

"Yer, it was just nice to talk to someone...normal I guess," Clay said shrugging his shoulders again. But then turned to see Naima give him her motherly look and quickly he added. "Someone who isn't connected to the Navy in any way...someone who doesn't see me as a Navy Seal or someone in Special Forces. Not a P.T.S.D disaster waiting to happen...someone who sees me..." But then he stopped, he could feel the tears start to form in his eyes and he couldn't stop them. He knew that he was been stupid and that his brothers would never judge him for losing it from time to time but he did. He wasn't meant to be weak and yet he was. Thinking that one day he could turn out like Swanny, killing himself in his car after losing all hope in living.

Naima listened to Clay's words and saw the tears start to form. It broke her heart to see Clay so broken. "As human?" She asked.

Clay now couldn't stop the tears from running down his face. "Yer I guess." He said trying to wipe away the evidence of him losing control of his emotions. He shouldn't be dropping all his problems onto Naima, it wasn't fair on her.

"Clay you are human," Naime said wiping the tears on his cheek. Clay was too young. And not it was clear that whatever demons he was facing were a little too close to the surface right now.

"Sometimes it doesn't feel like it," Clay finally admitted after a few moments of silence.

Naima knew that Clay was trying to put back the walls that he had put up around him in order to protect himself. "Sweetheart, how long have you felt like this?" Naima asked as she started to rub Clay's back, in the way that she would do for Jameelah or Ray Jr.

Clay, however, didn't speak, he couldn't and so he just shrugged his shoulders. He didn't really know what the correct answer was. But to be honest it was long before the failed mission.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Naima asked she knew that the guys had no idea how badly Clay was hurting right now or Ray would have told her. She knew that Clay was having problems showing weakness around them and more so when he was still clearly blaming himself for everything. After a few moments of Clay just sitting there not even looking at her Naima thought back to something, Ray had told her. Clay never liked asking for help even when he clearly needed it. "Wait... is this about you thinking you are a burden on us? Because if it is then I am telling you this only once Clayton Spenser. You will never be a burden on us. You are family and that means whenever you need us whatever time of day, we are there for you. You just have to call and we will be there."

Clay sighed and knew that Naima was not going to drop it. He had been given the same statement by everyone now and yet he was still finding it hard to accept it. "I know that," He finally muttered.

"Do you? When why are we having this conversation? Again?" Naima asked shaking her head. One day this kid was going to learn that he couldn't get rid of them that easily

Clay sighed and then turned to look at Naima and for the first time, she saw the man behind the mask. "I guess I'm still not used to having a family."

Naima had to catch her breath, under the mask all she saw was a broken and scared kid. Clay had been through enough in his life, and maybe she knew more than the guys as she had seen Clay's x-rays which showed a lot of old fractures. "Well, you have one now so get use to it coz we are not going anyway." She finally said leaning into Clay's shoulder in almost a one-armed hug.

"I know." Clay said nodding his head. He wasn't losing his new family, no matter how much he tried to push them away.

"Good then why don't we go grab some more of Sonny's famous barbeque before the lions eat it all," Naima said as she tapped his shoulder.

"Do you think we can keep this conversation between us?" Clay asked as he watched her get to her feet.

"Sure..." Naima said shaking her head but then added, "...but they know somethings wrong with you, they aren't stupid Clay." She added. She would keep what Clay had told her a secret however she knew that the rest of the team was worried about him and more than likely when they got back they both would be interrogated.

"They always think somethings wrong with me," Clay muttered as he pulled himself to his feet shaking his head.

"You really scared them, Clay. I don't think any of them are ready to let you out of their sight just yet." Naima said pulling Clay a little closer. To be fair, he had scared all of them. She had seen injuries Seals before but what those bastards had done to Clay scared her more. He was family and she never thought that she could have so much hatred towards another human being. The only thing that helped was that Ray had told her that the man who had done this was dead. That was all she cared about, God forgive her.

"I'm not going to disappear on them," Clay said looking directly at her this time, he had already promised Jason that he wouldn't. No matter who gave the order.

"Clay you can't change them, so stop trying. You are a brother to them, a member of the family and someone tried to take you away from them. They may act like tough super seals but they are terrified of losing the ones they love and Jason had already lost enough of them. They all have." Naima said taking hold of Clay's arm as they slowly started to head back towards the camp.

"So they don't have to know?" Clay asked as they moved towards the camp. He hated lying to his brothers but he needed to sort himself out himself. For now anyway.

"No..." Naima said, hating herself for agreeing to this but at the same time understood. Clay had to work things out on his own. "Not right now as long as you promise that if those thoughts come back in your head you call one of us. No more dealing with this on your own, understand me?" Naima said stopping Clay in his tracks with the last bit. She needed him to agree to her terms before they got back to the others. One of the things she liked about Clay was that when he gave his word, he meant it.

"Yes ma'am," Clay responded with a smile and pulled her into a hug which she took gladly. "Thank you." He whispered as they pulled apart. Naima nodded and they both headed back to their family. Things were finally getting better for them all.


	40. Moving Day

Chapter Forty

Today had been a long day coming and Clay couldn't be happier that it had finally come. He was going home.

When they had gotten to his place, he found it empty all but Sonny sat on his couch with a beer in his hand watching a game. Other than that, his place looked nice. It felt weird being home again and more so for the fact that the place looked no different. But what got him the most was the fact that as soon as he had stepped foot into his door he felt somewhat normal. It was a strange feeling, but he did. And it wasn't just going back to his own place that made him feel like this. It was the fact that they were all healing. Even just a little bit.

The place looked good, but he could tell that Naima had done most of it. The place looked amazing, and from what he could see the kitchen had also been completely fitted out. He had a feeling that there would be a fridge full of homecooked meals waiting for him. But then he looked around at Sonny and saw what was next to him. A pile of extra bedding for the couch and next to the couch was a large bag. He guessed that it was full of Sonny's things, he had everything he needed ready for his long stay. He had a feeling that he wasn't going to get rid of Sonny any time soon. But at the same time, it was what he needed. He needed his family close.

On the drive over from Jason's place, they barely spoke. Jason was wrapped inside his head for the entire time. He knew Jason didn't want him to go but at the same time understood why he needed too. They all had to heal but for them to heal, they needed to let go of what happened. He was ready too, he knew that he had a lot of work to do to get his confidence back but he knew that he would make it. With help. But he didn't know about Jason. To be truthful he knew that Jason had a lot of his own issues to deal with which was the reason why he didn't want to add to it. But they were family after all and that meant that they would stick together through everything.

Jason had quickly put Clay's bags in his room leaving the two of them alone in the living room. Clay was pleased that Sonny was the only one there. Not that he didn't love his brothers because he did but Sonny was the easiest to get along with. He had settled on the couch next to Sonny when Jason came back out and quickly told them that he was heading to base for a meeting with Blackburn and Ray. Since Bravo was now back operating they needed to be ready. But also with their new draft, they needed to make sure that their new kid could look after himself and them when out in the field and so they were also getting him to run drills. But they had made it clear to the kid and to the brass that they weren't replacing Clay, he was just filling the gap till the kid was cleared.

When they were alone, Sonny had told him that Trent was also on base working on a new medical kit with some new ticks that had been developed. He remembered Trent telling him that last night and had joked about that he was only doing it as he was causing him so much trouble that he needed to be sure next time he was ready. He remembered laughing at the comment as he knew that out of everyone on the team he was the most accident-prone. Maybe he should ease off on the injuries before Trent lost his mind and his hair. Brock was once again training with Cerberus. Clay had told him that maybe he should give Cerb a break but he knew Cerberus loved it. Mainly because he loved getting to bite something without getting told off. But he had promised to drop by afterwards. In the end, the two of them sat there quietly watching the game. He did miss this, just hanging out with Sonny in his own place. Got it felt so weird saying that finally, he was home.

"Glad to be home?" Sonny asked when the game went to an ad break. To be truthful he really did miss hanging out with Clay alone. Just enjoying a good game and not having a care in the world. However, he wasn't dumb either. He knew Clay was still dealing with a lot of crap and his quiet secret chat with Naima only proved that. But he also knew better than to push the kid too far, for God's sake he was as stubborn as he was when it came down to talking about his problems. The only difference was the kid didn't explode as he did. Instead, he self-destructed. And that wasn't happening on his watch.

"You have no idea," Clay answered shaking his head and laughing. To say that he was overjoyed to be back in his own place was an understatement. Not that he didn't like staying with Jason because he did and he was so thankful for him to open up his home for him but he missed his own place. As he looked around his living room again he noticed that there had also been a few changes. There was now a lot more photos then there had been when he had left it, pictures of the team and a few older photos of his old unit and Brian. Photos that he had never thought about putting up were there. The guys must have found them when cleaning, thankfully he kept all of his private photos and documents in his safe in his room. Things that he never wanted to share with anyone and had no interest in doing so. But also what he noticed in two of the frames that now lined the wall was one picture of his grandparents outside their church in Africa and another of him in Cape Town. He missed his life in Africa and those who he called friends and which had been his home since as long as he could remember. He always wanted to go back there and visit his old friends. But he also had a home here, with Bravo. And he wasn't ready to give that family up yet.

The two of them fell back into silence once more and continued to watch the game. It was really Sonny who clocked the time, it had only just gone twelve o'clock. Lunchtime. Which confused him a little more. Clay normally was very good at keeping time, it was one of the things that drove him crazy with the kid. At any time of day in any country, he could tell him what time it was back home to the minute. The kid was a walking, talking clock. For him, not to mention that it was lunchtime was odd. So since Clay wasn't going to bring it up then he would. "Well, Bam Bam what you fancy for lunch?" He asked rubbing his hands together as he got up from he seat motioning Clay to do the same.

Clay sighed, he didn't want to eat. All he wanted to do was go to bed and sleep. The only reason he had stayed watching the game with Sonny was because he missed doing it. He really missed spending time with all of the team and yes since he got hurt he was spending all his time with them but to act like he was still human with them meant everything. He looked up at Sonny and answered his question but knew that it wasn't the answer Sonny wanted. "Bed?"

Sonny stared at Clay, he knew that the kid was tried. He knew that the kid was tired, he knew that from the moment Jason and the kid had entered the apartment. Jason didn't tell him to watch Clay carefully when he had dropped the kid off but he texted him warning him that there was something up with him. They all knew that Clay tired easily and more so when it was due to mental stress. And right now, the kid was shattered. "Nope..." Sonny said shaking his head. He was getting Clay to eat even if he had to force-feed him. "You need to eat." He said crossing his arms over his chest. He knew that he could easily drag Clay to the kitchen and was ready to if he needed it.

"I will when I get up," Clay said rubbing the back of his neck. He knew that Sonny wasn't going to let you go without eating but he was hoping that at least he would let him sleep a few hours before focusing him to eat. Right now he really wasn't hungry.

Sonny shook his head and remembered the list of jobs that Trent had set out for him when they were setting up the apartment. "No Trent will kill me if I don't make sure you eat."

The list of jobs were...

1\. Make sure he took his meds

2\. Make sure he rests

3\. Make sure he eats and drinks plenty

4\. Make sure he doesn't overdo it

5\. Not too much alcohol

There were six or seven others but they were the main ones and he was going to make sure that Clay did as he was told.

Clay looked up at Sonny and noticed a flinch when Sonny mentioned Trent's name. He smiled and shook his head, to see Sonny scared of one of their brothers was funny. But he was also scared of Trent when it came down to it. Their medic could really be scary when he wanted to be. "Really scared of Trent?" He asked grinning.

Sonny huffed and looked at Clay carefully. "Yer..." But then paused, shriving a little at what Trent had threatened him with but knew better than to tell Clay all the details of his conversation with Trent. He knew that Trent meant well but sometimes he did become a real mother-hen when one of them was hurt. Trent was one of the best medics in all the Teams and was known for his tough love approached. "..he can stab me with pointy objects in not so nice places." He ended not wanting to get too much into detail at what Trent had threatened to do if he pushed Clay too much.

Clay couldn't help but laugh at the comment. He knew exactly what Trent had said. Sonny hated needles and more so when it was in his backside. And he wouldn't put it past him for using that as a threat.

Sonny huffed and glared at his brother, "Not joking, so what do you want?" He asked again making sure that he positioned his body to stop Clay from going anyway but the kitchen.

Clay sighed and pulled himself to his feet. He wasn't going to win this fight, not by a long shot. "I don't know, what do we have in?" Clay asked as he headed over to the kitchen and started to open cupboards. And was shocked at what he found. Every cupboard was full of food. Tinned soap and packages of pasta and rice. He then opened the fridge to find it stocked full. Including some homecooked meals sat in boxes with labels telling him when to use it before. "Or what we don't we have?" He asked joking as he shook his head. His family had really gone all out.

"Yer..." Sonny said as he followed Clay into the kitchen but stopped and leant against the island. "Naima and Amber did the shopping." He explained. Naima and Amber both had turned up halfway through their cleaning with bags and bags of shopping. They had made sure that Clay had everything he needed before he got home.

"Yer I guessed," Clay said as he looked back at Sonny. He should have guessed that Naima and Aer had been responsible for the food as he knew that only Ray and Trent would have brought him this much health food.

"What? We could have done it?" Sonny asked almost hurt that Clay knew automatically knew it was the wives of the guys to go shopping. He could have gone it, but he had chosen not too as he was busy cleaning.

"Sonny when was the last time you brought fresh fruit and veg?" Clay asked crossing his arms and smiling at his brother. He had never seen Sonny happily buy fruit and veg fresh.

Sonny stopped for a moment and then thought back before laughing. "True." He said grinning. He did eat fruit and veg but he didn't really buy it all the time. Normally when Bravo was home he would stay with one or two of them and steal their food. Clay was always good for healthy food for instance and Brock was good for junk food.

Clay went back to looking in his fridge and spotted a box full of freshly cooked chicken in a spicy sauce. "How about just a chicken sandwich?" He asked as he gathered up some lettuce, tomato and butter from the fridge and placed it on the island before heading to get out his bread. Even if Sonny didn't want one, he did. If Sonny didn't like it then he would have to make his own.

"Sure but no green stuff," Sonny said pointing at the lettuce like it had offended him.

Clay laughed at the face Sonny pulled, it was like he was trying to poison him with it. "You mean lettuce?" He asked pointing the butter knife at him but then continued to butter the bread. He knew that Sonny knew what the 'green stuff' was.

"Whatever," Sonny said shaking his head but then watched Clay carefully as he made their sandwiches. He knew that Clay wasn't going to disappear on him as he was right in front of him. But he couldn't help but see the Clay that Trent and Brock had pulled through that trap door. The cold dead brother that he couldn't save. He shook the image out of his head quickly and went back to watching his very much alive brother.

"So..." Clay started to say as he cut up the tomato but didn't look up when he finished as he already knew the answer to his own question. "How long are you thinking about living here?" But in the end, he did look up to see how Sonny would react to his question. Not that he didn't like having his brother here but he knew that it couldn't last forever.

Sonny shrugged his shoulders and then said "Till they clear you to roll with us again and Trent said so. Why?" He asked looking at Clay carefully.

"Coz I may have to start charging you rent," Clay said with a small smile as he started to construct their lunch.

"Ha..." Sonny said but then his face grew serious"...not happening Bam Bam you owe me." He said pointing at Clay's chest.

"For what?" Clay said smiling softly as he pushed Sonny's sandwich to him.

"For making us come and get you that's what." Sonny snapped as he picked up his sandwich and headed back to the couch. He couldn't even look at Clay right now. His anger had surfaced and he needed to get it back under control. He couldn't lose it in front of Clay. The kid didn't need to deal with his problems as well as his.

Sonny's reaction shocked Clay. He hadn't seen Sonny's temper for a while but for him to suddenly explode on him was something new. Whatever was going to with his brother was still bothering him. "You ok Sonny?" Clay asked as he collected two bottles of water from the fridge and moved to sit next to him on the couch. Sonny had basically sat himself down on the couch and then became a statue. He wouldn't even look at him.

"Fine," Sonny muttered, as he took a bite of the sandwich. But making no eye contact with Clay at all.

"Why don't I believe that?" Clay said softly nudging his brother's shoulder. Sonny looked like he was ready to explode on him but then again he saw that Sonny was trying his best to control himself.

"Look, Clay..." Sonny started to say but then stopped to rub his hand over his face before finishing his sentence. "...when we found you on that boat I thought that we had lost you."

Clay paused a moment and could only guess what his brothers had seen when they had pulled him through that trap door. He had seen dead people before and a lot of them had been friends. But he could only guess that what he had truly looked like when they had found him. "Sonny..." Clay started to say with a sigh. Pausing for a second as he tried to think what he was going to say. "Look I'm sorry for what I put you through what I put you all through. I can't change what happened." He hated himself for hurting his family the way he did. He had lied to them and he had promised himself that he would do everything in his power to make it up to them. Even if it meant risking his life.

Sonny listened to everything Clay was saying to him and knew that the kid hatred himself more than ever before. When Clay was finished, Sonny paused for a moment before quickly muttering "I don't blame you," to Clay. He had completely forgotten about his sandwich now, all his focus was on his little brother. The one person he refused to fail.

"What? Why?" Clay asked shocked by Sonny's muttering.

"Coz Clay if got told I was done with the teams and then someone gave me an op then hell I would be the first to jump at it," Sonny admitted. He never blamed Clay for one minute. He had been at those appointments when the doctors kept telling the kid that he was done again and again. It wasn't fair. Clay had improved so much and they just kept telling him that he was done, that would have destroyed him. Then Mason to go an offer him a way in back operating, well he didn't know of a single operator who wouldn't jump at the chance to get back into the fold.

"So we good?" Clay asked quietly, hoping that his brother was still with him.

"Yer brother, we're good," Sonny said patting Clay's back gently hoping that he wouldn't hurt him and then they both started to eat. The only time Sonny's stopped was to change the channel on the Tv to a cop show before going back to his food.

After twenty minutes of silently eating Sonny leant back in his seat and turned to see Clay's plate. To say he was shocked that he found it still nearly full was an understatement. Normally Clay was the first to finish. Seeing him barely eat was a real warning sign for him. The kid put so much food away which was annoying because he never got fat. His muscle just seemed to grow. The kid was a solid unit and really when he was angry he even scared him.

"Come on, finish up," Sonny said pointing at Clay's plate as he took a drink of the water that Clay had brought him.

"Think I'm done," Clay said leaning back into his seat. To be honest, eating the sandwich was making him feel sick. He knew that it was more likely due to his tiredness but then again it wasn't the first time eating made him feel like this. He knew that it more than likely due to his operation and it didn't happen all the time but sleep helped.

"Come on I've seen you demolish eight sandwichs and now you are barely eating one." Sonny pointed out how strange his little brother had become.

"I'm good sonny, just not that hungry," Clay admitted and he was been truthful. All he wanted was to sleep in his own bed.

"Want some of those meds before you go?" Sonny asked trying to remember where Jason had put Clay's meds. He had texted him to let him know what meds he needed first and when. But for the life of him could he remember which one he needed now.

"No, I am not due for another hour," Clay said, thankful that Sonny hadn't pushed him to eat more of the sandwich and headed towards his room.

"Ok but I'm waking you up when their due," Sonny shouted through as Clay moved into his room, the kid looked tired and drained at the same time which was scaring him. They had plans tomorrow and the kid didn't look up to it.

"Kind of figured." He heard Clay called back.

Sonny listened carefully in case Clay called out. After five minutes of silence, he quickly moved to look into Clay's room. He had expected to find it empty and the kid in the bathroom but it wasn't. Laid flat on his stomach in the middle of the bed lay Clay fast asleep. The kid hadn't even bothered to take his shoes off. Without thinking, he moved quickly and removed his boots. Clay didn't even flinch. Which worried him, the kid normally knew what was happening around him even if he was pissed drunk or asleep. And now he had entered his room, removed his boots and even been able to throw a blanket over him. It wasn't right.

As soon as he had finished, he closed Clay's door two. Not fully closed but enough to block out the light. Then made his way back into the living room. He paused halfway in before looking back at Clay's room. Without a second thought, he pulled out his phone and hit the one number he knew could help him. After three rings the phone connected and without waiting for the other person to answer Sonny said quietly, which was, in turn, stupid as he knew that he couldn't wake Clay from his sleep. He didn't think anything could. "Kid getting some sleep."

There was silence through the phone for a couple of minutes before the person spoke,_ "That's normal Sonny, today has been crazy for him." _Trent knew that Sonny was worried about Clay and more so since he was going to be alone with him. He had set out some rules to make sure Sonny kept Clay in line and gave him instructions to call him if he was worried.

"He's not eating much either," Sonny reported as he sat back down on the couch and looked down at Clay's plate. He was going to make sure that the kid ate it when he woke up for his meds.

_"Sonny, do you eat when you're tired?"_ Trent asked. To be honest with himself Trent had started to really worry about how little Clay was eating, and more so since it wasn't all the time. Sometimes the kid could eat like normal and then other times he could barely eat anything.

"Sometimes..." Sonny muttered shaking his head. He hated when Trent was right.

_"Look if you're worried about him I can come and check him out but really sonny all he needs is time and rest,"_ Trent admitted, he had planned to go over when he had finished. Mainly to drop off Clay's new prescription but since he could also hear the worry dripping out of Sonny over the phone he was going to check over Clay when he was there as well.

"Guess I'm just worried about him," Sonny admitted as he let his head drop onto the back of the couch hard. His little brother was hurting and he couldn't fix it.

_"We all are Sonny but he is doing ok, wouldn't be long before he's back with us. We just got to make sure he takes his meds. Oh and remember we are all going for that run tomorrow"_ Trent said hoping that Sonny would believe him. To be fair, Clay was on track with his training and he was already ahead of his training but there was a little issue with his stamina. He was tiring easily but it was getting better. Day by day.

"Really don't think Clay is up to it," Sonny admitted looking back at Clay's room.

_"Sonny, he had a really busy day and yes he is more tired than normal but he is getting there. Don't think he is going to have any problems keeping up with us."_ Trent said and he heard some banging and the sound of the cage door closing. Trent must be in the cages and then he heard a bark come from right next to him. Sonny smiled and knew that Cerberus was right next to Trent. But to be truthful it sounded like Cerb was right next to him.

"Not so sure of that," Sonny muttered. He didn't think Clay would last a few miles but then again he didn't think he would last nearly all day on the range and he had done.

_"Well he should be able to keep up with you then,"_ Trent smirked and his phone was filled with the sound of laughter from both Trent and Brock.

"Bye Trent," Sonny said and quickly ended the call. 'Arsehole' Sonny muttered as he threw his phone onto the coffee table. Talking to Trent had helped a little but the worry was still there.

Maybe when he woke up Clay would be more himself, and less tired. But he was serious about getting Trent to give him a once over before he left for the night and then again before their run. There was no way he was going to let the kid run if he wasn't up for it. But then again he knew that he wasn't the only one to be worried. Jason would more likely glue himself to the kid out on the run and they wouldn't be running at their normal rate. They would go at Clay's speed and not any faster. They were a team after all. And that meant they would do it together.


	41. Drill Day

Chapter Forty-One

Their team run had lasted just over an hour, it was a simple run around the base. It was nice to do something together, even if they had to listen to Sonny complain all the way about exercising early in the morning. Even though it had been ten o'clock in the morning when they had started. When Sonny finally shut up it was a nice peaceful run. The base was normally quiet around this time and there weren't many Seals running so the track was pretty much their own. The run itself wasn't bad going either, they had taken it easy round, not going at their normal rates for Clay's sake. The kid knew that they were doing it as normally Brock was the first one to finish with Cerberus and when he was at full health Clay. Followed by Ray, Trent and Jason followed lastly by Sonny. But in the end, they all were really impressed by how well Clay had done. Clay had remained with them and had even managed to overtake Sonny right in the beginning and wouldn't let him past. They had even thrown a few insults to each other as they ran.

Trent had been worried about Clay's lungs and his ability to use them effectively under that much stress but he had to remind himself that he was only a medic and not a doctor. He had to trust Doctor Winn in knowing how far he could push Clay without hurting him. He had also made it known that the exercises could only help Clay's lungs heal correctly and if he wanted to return to work then he needed his lungs at 100%. Trent also knew how hard it was getting Clay to take it easy was near enough impossible. Because when Clay set his mind to do something he normally ended up doing it with or without their help. It was just how the kid was programmed.

A week after the run, Jason and Ray knew that they needed to test Clay a little more than just range time, runs or time in the gym. He needed to run drills again. But they had to be in control of what Clay was doing. And the best person to make sure that happened was Big Chief. He ran the drills. He knew how to design a drill for any injuries, he had done so with Jason, Ray and every other Seal that had been hurt. After a sit down with Big Chief, they had worked out that the best drill for Clay to run was the Killing Alley. It was controlled and there was no real risk of Clay hurting himself if things were to go wrong. The only people involved were the trainers and they knew how far to push someone. Ray had remembered overhearing them complain how quickly Clay had picked up their methods in Green Team. The kid had this down and so they had booked a slot for him to use. After lunch so the whole team could be there and when most of the other teams should be out training themselves.

Jason had also picked the time because the thought that Clay been met with a full gangway full of people may distract Clay from the task at hand. He had asked everyone involved to honour that however, the Seal grapevine was legendary. And word had gotten out. So far they knew that a few other teams 1IC and 2IC were going to be there, including Beau. Something that Jason wasn't happy about. But there was nothing to do about it now, they couldn't change the slot. So far they knew that a few other teams 1IC and 2IC were going to be there, including Beau. Something that Jason wasn't happy about. But there was nothing to do about it now, they couldn't change the slot as all the others had been taken. And to be truthful they all knew that it would get out again. All Jason could hope for was that the other 1IC would leave Clay alone after. He belonged to him and Bravo. No one else.

On the day of the drill, the guys had moved into the cages once more. They all were worried about what the drill would do to Clay. They had no idea what Clay was about to face as the drills were chosen only half an hour before the drill itself to stop any other operators from preparing as in real life they had no dress rehearsal. It was either success or death. And that was what they were trained to face. Also, the technique they used was so that the trainers could test an operators' skills set and know what they were truly made of. Everyone on base knew of what Clay had gone through, not the mission details but they all had seen the scars and the worry that had been following Bravo since they had gotten back. But at the same time, Clay had been working really hard to get back to them. They all knew that when they were deployed Clay was working with other teams at the range or in the gym. He was ready. He had to be.

As soon as the drill was made public to the rest of Bravo, Sonny had voiced his concerns and more so as the time moved closer. But now, he was almost in a panic. He kept pacing the room which in turn was driving everyone else crazy. Trent had even threatened to slip him a slight sedation if he didn't calm down. Thankfully Sonny had stopped but only for a short amount of time. Brock had the best threat which was that he would knock him down and get Cerberus to sit on him for the rest of the day after tying him up with Cerberus lead and attached him to the cage door. Sonny had growled at him that even put Cerberus to shame.

"Sonny will you just sit down." Jason ended up snapping after he had passed his cage for the tenth time in less than an hour. He was worried too about the whole situation as well but unlike Sonny, he could hide it a little better.

"He ain't ready," Sonny kept repeating to himself more than to the others, Clay wasn't ready to start doing drills and more so when it was the ones that would tell the cake eaters how much longer they would have to wait till they got their fully functioning Tier One Operator back. It would either make or break Clay's career. They didn't talk about it, they didn't want too but it was true. There was still a chance that the brass may deem Clay a lost cause and discharge him. And that was what scared Sonny the most, he didn't want, no he couldn't lose another brother.

And most certainly, not Clay. He was his little brother, he knew that all Clay needed was more time to be able to operate again, it just seemed that the brass was pushing Clay to do things before he was ready. But the kid wasn't one to argue, he was just doing as he was told, like normal. The kid always did as he was told, even if it was the stupid thing to do. He just hoped that they didn't mess his recovery up any more than they already had.

"Sonny he is," Ray called from his own cage, he had been working on something that he thought would be helpful for Clay. It was something that had been given after he had thought he was going to die. It was only something small, a St. Christopher medal that he now carried with him always. He knew somewhat of what Clay had gone through, Clay had been alone. Lost and away from his brothers. When his helo jump hadn't gone to plan and he had been stranded alone. Alone with the thought that any minute would be his last. He knew what Clay had gone through.

The worry about been capture, that he couldn't close his eyes for a second as the threat was all around him. But for Clay, it must have been worse because he had been captured. And then tortured which was something he had never experienced before. He had no idea how Clay was holding it together but the kid was. His only real worry was that Clay would suffer another flashback during the drill which would, in turn, cause the brass to remove him from all operations until he could control them if ever.

"No, he ain't. Come on, he could barely keep up with us on that run." Sonny snapped at Ray turning quickly physically shaking. He had hoped that Trent would have pulled rank as the team medic, stopping this stupid plan but he had been wrong. Trent had not said a single thing.

"Sonny he is," Ray repeated pocketing the medal, making sure that he reminded himself to give it to Clay right before the drill was to begin. He didn't want to give it to him in front of the guys as he knew that Sonny was very superstitious and it would only freak him out more if he saw it.

"He passed you," Brock piped up shaking his head, Clay had done a lot better in his eyes. Yes he hadn't been his normal speed or they would have left the team in their dust but he was doing well for someone who only a few months ago was in the hospital.

"Shut up Brock," Sonny snapped before moving back towards his own cage. He wasn't getting what he wanted, God he wanted to hit something so bad.

"Look, Sonny we are all worried but Doctor has cleared him to start this level of training," Trent explained stepping out of his own cage and leant against Sonny's cage's door. Personally he had been more worried about Sonny than Clay as the time of the drill came forward. They were all worried about Clay but from a medical point of view, he knew that Clay was more than ready to start running drills. Even if it scared the crap out of him.

"What if he gets hurt again?" Sonny asked as he dropped his head into his hands as he fell onto one of the boxes in his cage. He just wished he could get rid of the feeling that something was going to go wrong today. He didn't know what it was going to be but he could feel it.

"Then he'll stop," Trent explained. He had talked with Clay at length about what to do and what not to do during the drill. He knew that Clay knew his limits and how far he could push himself before he reached his limit. Because if he didn't then God help him he would kill Clay himself.

"Come on this is wonder boy we are talking about," Sonny said looking up at Trent, they weren't stupid. Clay would push himself to the complete limit if he felt it was right to do so. The kid was good and he cared about the safety of the others on Bravo but that was also his weakness. He would do anything to help protect his family. Even if that meant risking everything ding it. "He isn't going to tell us if he's hurting. Look at last time he was hurt, ran three fucking miles with a busted foot." Sonny added.

After a bad mission, they had been training like normal. Clay had been running with Brock and Cerberus, which they had returned to the cages Trent had spotted Clay limping. Turned out that he had twisted it which had caused hairline fractures in his ankle. Jason had gone nuts at the fact that he had kept up with Brock even with a broken ankle. Because that was what it was, broken. Clay had just shrugged his shoulders and said that it hadn't hurt that badly.

"And he still me," Brock voiced out. He remembered that day well. He couldn't believe it when the doctor had told them that Clay had basically fractured his ankle and Clay had still been able to beat him. However, Clay had been confined to his cage till it healed after it.

"Brock not helping..." Trent turned to look at Brock before he turned back to look at Sonny. "...look Sonny I get that he isn't good at sharing but remember the strip we tore at him when we found out."

Sonny nodded. Clay had looked like a kicked puppy after Jason had exploded on him, the kid knew better than to hide his pain from them and now Trent was a lot better at reading the kid so he was less likely try to hide it. "Fine but if he hurts himself I'm going to kill him," he finally said getting up and looking Trent directly in the eye before moving to catch Jason's eyes who was sat watching them.

"Join the line Sonny," Jason said before taking a drink from his canteen.

"Yo fellas." Full Metal called as he entered the room carrying a cup of coffee in his hand.

"Hey Metal," Jason called from inside his cage not bothering to move. He knew why Alpha was hanging around, they wanted to watch Clay's drill. He owed Alpha a lot for watching over Clay for them when they were deployed. He wasn't worried about Alpha trying to steal Clay from them as he knew Full Metal even though Clay was good, he wouldn't try to split up their family.

"So what you all up too?" Metal asked as he leant against the table looking around at the men in front of him.

"Clay's first run in the killing alley is today," Ray explained coming out of his cage but then leant against the wall with his arms cross. There was something about Metal's body language that worried him. There was something odd about it like something was bothering him.

Metal smiled slightly, "He's going to nail it," thinking back to Clay's last drill run that he had run with them. Clay had smashed it and had even started to work with the instructors on planning some new drills for Green Team. He had never told Bravo that Clay had basically passed all drills already as Clay didn't want them to know as they knew that they would more likely hit the roof.

"You don't know that." Sonny snapped.

Metal turned to look into Sonny's cage and shook his head. He loved his brothers but he had a feeling that maybe Bravo was been a little too careful around Clay and his training. He understood that they were worried about CLay getting hurt again, the kid had been through a lot but at the same time, Clay was a Seal and a good one at that. "$50 says he is going to nail it and bet the high score in the alley." Metal said looking around at the room.

"You sound too confident, what are you up too?" Jason asked as he got to his feet and moved towards Full Metal. Something was off for Metal to throw money around, and for that much, he knew something that they didn't. Which worried him.

"Nothing," Metal shrugged his shoulders but didn't look Jason in the face. He couldn't.

"Metal, you have that guilt look that my daughter has when she is lying directly to my face," Jason said crossing his arms. He knew that Metal was hiding something and he had a feeling that whatever it was, he wasn't going to like it.

"Fine, we may have been running drills the last few weeks and more so when you guys were deployed." Metal started to explain putting down his coffee cup down on the table and turned back to Jason but this time he crossed his arms. He knew that they were likely to blow up at him and, to be honest, he wished he had brought one of his guys with him or two. That or had made sure that Clay was in the room so he could throw him at them and escape.

"And?" Ray asked, now worrying that he was going to have to get in between the two 1ICs. In a fight, he had a feeling that Metal would win out on top but he knew Jason was a hell of a fighter as well. It would be close but then again he knew that the brass wouldn't be happy if two of their team leaders ended up in a fistfight.

"And maybe Clay was with us." He added knowing that he was about to take some shit.

"What?" Jason growled. He left Clay somewhere he thought was safe, in the hands of the other teams that knew better and now he was hearing that Clay had been running drills with other teams. What the hell? Had Full Metal lost the plot completely? After a few moments and a quick head shake he added. "Let me get this straight, I left him with you to make sure he didn't do anything stupid and then you went ahead and let him train?" Could he not trust the kid alone with anyone? But what also really pissed him off was that Clay had been training with other teams. That didn't happen unless the 1IC signed off on it, so why did Metal think it was a good idea to do it behind his back?

"He was fine," Metal said shrugging his shoulders again like he thought nothing of what he had done. The kid had pretty much kicked their arses when they had gone two on two. The kid had also shown all the instructors why he was a Tier one. The kid was a natural and at the moment his talent was been wasted being locked up like this. He just hoped that by showing Jason that he was ready he could start more training and not just small drills and gym time. The kid was so close to being ready it was painful to watch. He had healed faster than anyone else he knew. He blamed that on the kid being so young but maybe it was his stubbornness not to fail that was the real reason.

He had got a feeling when he had first seen Clay in Green Team that the kid was a natural. But his hope had been dashed about getting the kid when he had heard that Ray was interested in him. If Ray wanted him then so enough Jason would too. Even if he didn't know it yet. And he had been right, Jason had picked Clay but he also knew that maybe it was to piss of Beau as well. As clearly the way Charlie had been looking at Clay as well it was clear that the kid had also been on Charlie's list as well. He had seen the pissed off look on Beau's face after the draft when Bravo had picked Clay but he had a feeling that they wouldn't hear the end of it. And he had been right. When Bravo had been deployed or off on a mission, Charlie had taken a real interest in helping Clay. Often he would see Beau with Clay going over mission briefs or planning drills for Charlie. It was clear that the man wanted Clay still and as Jason wasn't there to play parent, Beau did what he wanted.

"That's not the point Metal," Jason growled again. He wanted to smack Metal so much but knew that he couldn't. Maybe later. But at the same time, he also felt anger toward himself. He had taken his eyes off Clay again and he had been allowed to do something that could clearly get him hurt.

"Look you can't keep babying him and he did well, even beat most of the high scores," Metal said looking around at the room, the message wasn't just for Jason but for everyone. He had seen how clingy Bravo had gotten around Clay since they had brought him back. They all knew that Clay had suffered and he was still overcoming the problems that came with being a POW.

At Metals' comment, Ray thought about the drill chart that he had only just passed a few hours and remembered the names and the dates on it. There were no new records set in Clay's name so was Metal lying to them or was everyone at base involved in covering for Clay as well? "The score chart hasn't changed," Ray said, voicing his thought out loud.

Metal smirked a little, Clay had been the one to ask for the scoreboard not to be changed as he didn't want anyone on Bravo to find out about him running drills with other teams as the board would clearly well "Maybe coz we didn't want you lot finding out," He said as he sipped his luck warm coffee. He wished it was something stronger but then again Clay did owe him a crate of beer for that drill that he promised himself Bravo would never find out about.

"That's not the point," Sonny snapped running his hand through his hair, he was ready to punch Metals' lights out for letting Clay do something so stupid. No matter what Clay thought he was ready for, he wasn't.

"Would you let a kid play in traffic if he wanted too? You were in charge of him," Jason snapped. Why couldn't he trust anyone other than Bravo with this kid? For God's Sake, Full Metal was the adult and he had trusted him. He wasn't going to make that mistake again.

"He's not a kid." Full Metal snapped back. He knew that Jason was protective of his men but this was way too much. "Maybe you guys need to remember that." He muttered, but loud enough for them all to hear it. He was really get annoyed at how Jason and the others were all acting. Without another word, he turned and heard out of Bravo's cages. He didn't want to say something that he was going to regret.

Bravo then fell into silences as soon as the door closed. A lot of things were running through their heads, but the main thing was if Full Metal was right? Were they babying him? None of them spoke at first, Ray had seen a hint of anger in Metal's face that worried him a little. Seeing an angry Full Metal was as scary as seeing a slightly annoyed Sonny Quinn.

"Is he right?" Brock said quietly not looking at any of his brothers but instead ran his fingers through Cerberus' coat. Cerb whined softly at Brock's words. It was like Cerberus was also asking the same question.

"What the hell are you talking about Brock?" Sonny demanded shaking his head. Metal had crossed a line by training with Clay. Clay was their kid and that meant they trained Clay no one else. Whatever was going on with the other teams and Clay ended now coz he didn't like it. Not one bit.

"Are we holding him back?" He asked making himself more clear with his question. He had thought that they would all know what he meant by his question. "Maybe Metal's right." He added shrugging his shoulders.

"Brock..." Sonny moaned but before he could finish Ray jumped in. He had just seen the clock.

"Look maybe we can do this later, Clay's run starts in ten minutes," Ray said as he patterned his pocket to make sure his medal was in there. He would be the one to double-check Clay's kit before going into the drill. He knew that what Metal had just said Clay was more than ready, he just wanted to give Clay his best and warn him that they knew his little secret.

"Fine...let's go," Jason said as he slammed his locker closed. He seriously wanted to hit something and made a note to hit the gym right after the drill before he lost it. With what Metal told him, Clay was ready. And at the same time, he was worried. He just didn't want Clay to undo all his hard work by trying to get back to them too early. But maybe his own fear was getting the better of him, to all of them. And that fear was the reason they were holding Clay back.

Bravo didn't say another word as they moved towards the drill viewpoint. Ray had gone off to see Clay but Jason had a feeling that his friend was going to give Clay the normal speech about keeping his head in the game. Something that he had used on him more than once. As they entered the walkway, Jason felt that anger rise a little bit more. Big Chief was there along with the other instructors like normal but what wasn't normal was seeing both Alpha and Charlie teams stood waiting and chatting between each other. Beau looked a little too sure of himself for Jason's liking.

Jason shook his head but held his tongue, today wasn't about picking a fight with the other teams which he now knew had been training with his kid. Something that he was so going to bring up later. But now wasn't really the time. Brock and Trent greeted a few of the other team guys but Jason and Sonny held back. They were there to watch their kid and that was it. Both were too pissed to say anything to anyone at the moment.

Jason looked down at the alley below. It had been set up really well. A little too well. Clay was going up against four instructors who were hiding themselves in different places hidden from view of the entry door. He knew that Clay wouldn't be going through this alone. Derek had volunteered to be Clay's second on the drill which he was thankful now because he knew that more than likely he would have gone off at the kid with what he had just found out.

"Time gentleman." Big Chief called, stopping any talking between the men and all attention now turned to the drill below them. Any minute now that door would open and the drill would begin.

Jason felt his heart in his mouth, why was he so nervous? He knew Clay got this however the drill below him wasn't like anything he had seen before. It was new. Something he had never seen before and that worried him. Was Big Chief really testing Clay this much and so soon? But then he thought back to what Full Metal had said. Clay had been running drills for weeks without them even knowing so more than likely Big Chief knew.

"This is new," Sonny whispered to him. And he nodded. He just hoped to hell that Clay was this ready or they were going to have to work on his confidence all over again. Something that he never wanted to do again.

Then suddenly the end door blow open, a small amount of smoke blocked Jason's view a little but then he saw both Clay and Derek move through it. Jason's heart sank a little, the way Derek and Clay moved only proved to him that Clay had been running with Alpha maybe a little too much as they mirror each other's movements to the letter. They were in complete sink with each other.

And ninety-eight seconds later it was all over. All four instructors were on the floor either playing dead or captured. One had even gone a little hand to hand with Clay only to find himself on the floor with a gun pointed at him. Jason could see Clay was smiling and so was the instructor who then shook his head. Whatever private joke was going on had been played. Which only pissed him off a little more. Clay looked like a natural in there.

"New high score." Big Chief then called and the room was filled with applause and shouts from the guys. Jason, however, shook his head as he watched Clay help the instructor that he had pinned to his feet and the pair give each other a side hug. 'Bottle of whisky' was then heard by one of the other instructors. Apparently Clay had just won a bottle from the instructor he had just pinned.

"Looks like we were worried about nothing," Brock then said shaking his head. Watching Clay run that drill was impressive, and more so when he thought about how clearly it showed that Clay was getting there.

"Shut up Brock. He isn't back yet," Sonny growled. Yer, Clay had done alright but that was only one drill. One. Clay had a lot of other problems to deal with before he could be back with Bravo.

"He will be..." A voice said before Brock could answer. They all turned to see Beau resting against the railing smiling down at the scene below and then turned to look directly at Jason with a cocky smile that everyone knew Jason hated. "Just maybe not with Bravo," He added.

"What did you say?" Jason demanded but then he felt an arm stop him. He looked around to see Trent had grabbed a hold of him. He knew that it more likely for the best but he gave Trent a hell of a look that made sure that Trent knew that he had done the right thing.

Beau smiled and looked over to a few of the other guys who had moved to stop any fight breaking out. The walkway was no place for a fight and he knew that. "You heard me, Jason." He said shaking his head and turn his attention back down to the drill room. It looked like no one down there had heard the argument as they were busy packing up the kit.

"No, I didn't. Maybe you should repeat it for me." Jason demanded looking directly at Beau, he knew that he couldn't punch Beau as much as he wanted too.

"All I'm saying is that maybe you should have had faith in Clay that's all," Beau said with a grin as he pointed towards where CLay was stood talking very friendly with the instructors. Beau had seen Clay grow into one hell of an operator and now, god, he wanted the kid even more.

"You're not getting him," Jason growled.

Beau shook his head, Jason was never going to change. "Don't be so sure about that, he runs pretty well with Charlie," Beau said shrugging his shoulders and then turned to have his back to the railings and then crossed his arms. He knew that he was pushing his luck with Jason as he could tell that there was something clearly wrong with the man but at the same time he wasn't going to let Clay's talent go to waste. The kid was born to do this job and if that meant that he needed to take the kid under his wing if the famous Jason Hayes wouldn't then so be it.

"What the hell are you yapping about? Clays never ran with you." Sonny snapped moving to Jason's side ready to knock some sense into the man if he had too.

Beau smiled again and shook his head, Full Metal had warned him that he had told them that Clay had been training with them but had left out that Clay had also been training with them. Something that he was so going to enjoy seeing the reaction on their faces when they found out. He quickly felt someone move next to him, Rocker, his breacher had moved next to him like he was ready to get involved if things got too heated. "Not on ops but on drills, damn the kid blends pretty well with me and my guys." He said looking directly at Jason when he said it.

Jason's fists clenched so tightly that his knuckles turned white. What the hell? Clay training with Alpha he got, wasn't happy about it but Alpha was close to Bravo. They understood each other. But Clay training with Charlie? Why? Clay knew about his beef with Beau and yet the kid still trained with them. It didn't make any sense, unless...

Now it made sense, Beau had gone to Clay. Thinking back to the draft, Ray had told him that Beau wanted the kid. That he was natural and that every 1IC wanted him. But he had gotten in there first. "You're not getting him," Jason growled. He knew that Beau was up too, offer Clay a spot on Charlie so he could return to full active duty. Not caring that he wasn't ready. All of that just to piss him off.

"You don't really have much of a say in it Jay, it's Clay's choice," Beau said honestly. If someone wanted to transfer onto another team all they needed with their COs word and it could go through.

Blackburn would try to stop Clay from doing it, but deep down Jason knew that in the end, Eric would give Clay what he wanted and in doing so, Beau. Jason might be able to try to get Blackburn to see sense but they all knew that Eric would always do right by the individual as well as the team. With a fully operating Charlie team back on the table, it would allow more missions to have a higher success rating even before the mission had been carried out.

"He's Bravo, that means he's mine," Jason growled stepping forward towards Beau.

But Beau only shook his head at Jason's threat, like he didn't care what the man said. He was going to do whatever he wanted. "He knows there is a spot ready for him, all he needs to do is give the word." He said and then stepped towards Jason. The tension between the two of them could be cut with a knife. "He's ready and all you're doing is holding him back." He added before motioning his team to follow him.

"See you around Hayes." He called as he left. Alpha soon followed, not really wanting to get into it with Jason or Bravo but more importantly be in the middle of the two teams in case someone tried to do something stupid.

Jason shook his head but instead of going after Beau like he wanted and beat the crap out of the guy, he turned to see that the drill room was now empty. He sighed before running his eyes with his fingers. He was getting one hell of a headache and he knew that it was only going to get worse.

"He's right you know." A voice said clear as day, Jason turned to see who had said it only to see Big Chief stood there with his arms cross. Everyone on base respected Big Chief and the knowledge he had. Jason however just glared at him, pissed that Big Chief was taking Beau's side when in reality Beau was trying to steal one of his guys.

"Hayes I've been in this job long enough to know a Seal when he is pushing himself too early when I see one." He said before Jason could say anything. But at the same time, he wasn't just addressing Jason but the whole of Bravo. He had seen what everyone else had seen, Bravo was babying Clay when he didn't need to be. Yes, what happened to the kid was unfair but so was a lot of things. What happened to Armstrong wasn't fair, that kid would have made a hell of a Tier One but instead he had fallen to his death during training. What happened to Echo wasn't fair, to Adam, Swanny. The list went on. But holding someone back because they were afraid wasn't fair. Not for Clay. And Bravo needed to understand that.

Big Chief shook his head and then continued, "It's in his moves and it's in his voice. Spenser is ready to start moving towards been active again. Maybe not yet but he is close. He has improved so much already and in only a short amount of time. The only problem I've seen is you." He said looking around at them all before he looking down at his clipboard before turning slightly to head downstairs but before he left he turned to look directly at Jason. "Maybe running with Alpha or Charlie wouldn't be a bad thing for him until you can sort your shit out."

And with that, he was gone.


	42. Lying

Chapter Forty-Two

Clay was completely knackered and felt like he could sleep for a good week and a half, which was a little strange for him dispirit how far he had come with his recovery. He knew that it was his body's way of telling him that was nearly there but not quite. But he knew that without the extra training he had put in with both Alpha and Charlie he would never have been able to pull this off what he had just done. But at the same time, he knew that the stress that he had been feeling right before was really playing a part in how tired he was. He knew that maybe he did rush into everything and more so when he asked Big Chief to assess him as if he was back in Green Team.

Clay knew that he was a long way away from being able to become active again. But it was why he asked Big Chief to assess him in that way. He needed to know what he needed to improve on, it was now he learned. Big Chief was also one of the few people he knew that wouldn't lie to him to make him feel better. He was brutally honest and was why he was one of the best instructors on the base. He was also one of the few instructors who didn't judge him because of who his father was. Big Chief didn't care who someone was or who they were related too. It was all about if they were a great Seal. That was all that mattered.

The other one was Adam. God did he miss him. Adam had shown him that he had been carried around something with him that he needed to let go. That he was nothing like his father. Maybe he had been so worried that he may be something like the bastard that he shared DNA with that it had been holding him back. And he had been right. It had been. Adam had also shown him that he didn't need to have a family to be part of one because the teams were a family. He wasn't alone anymore. To be truthful to himself, Adam had been the closest thing he had to a real father. The man knew what he was thinking even before he thought it. He was just someone who he saw as someone who he knew would never abandon him like Ash did. But in the end, he had done. Maybe not like Ash but he had felt him alone. He had sacrificed his life in order to save him. He owed him so much and now, the only way he could pay him back was to be the Seal that would make him proud.

He found himself smiling at the thought of what Adam would say to him if he had been up there watching him. It was like he could almost hear the little comments about him not checking to his left and keeping too much to the right when he entered. Little things that Adam loved bringing up. But at the moment he didn't care, he was just so happy that he had done it. He had proven that Zurkoff and Jones hadn't destroyed him. He had been so scared about them breaking something inside of him that made him who he was, that he had really lost sleep over it. Clay didn't know what he would do if they told him that he could never operate again. Being a Seal was all he knew. All he ever wanted and he had no idea what he would do if that was taken away from him.

Quickly Clay shook those memories out of his mind. He had done it, he had shown everyone that he was coming back. That Zurkoff hadn't broken him. Maybe he wasn't ready to come back just yet but he was coming. He was just sidelined for now. He had promised himself when he had been trapped in that hull that he was going to fight to come back to his brothers in any way shape or form. It was why he had fought so much to go home. He wanted things to go back to normal, but he knew that things wouldn't. Not as quickly as he wanted them too. But today had been another hurdle that he had overcome. He getting closer. All he needed was a little more time.

When the drill had finished both himself and Derek moved away from the drill situation and towards the tablets that had been set up to take their gear. But before they got there, Derek pulled Clay into a side hug and started chuckling. They both did. Neither of them could believe what had just happened. They had been working towards the drill for weeks and they had done it. Clay quickly thanked him for being his partner and promised to buy him a drink at the bar as soon as they were done at base. Clay was also so thankful for everything Derek, Full Metal, Beau and all the members of Alpha and Charlie had done for him. They had helped him take a few more steps forward getting closer to his goal.

Derek soon moved off to his own table and started to undo his gear. Clay couldn't take the smile off his face as he started to remove his gear. As he removed his helmet and placed it on the table he felt his body relax a little. Then Clay went for his weapons. Making sure that they were on safety before handing them over to Callum who had moved to collect them. Callum, one of the instructors, had helped him as all the instructors had. They had pushed Clay through his paces like if he was a new member of Green Team but he was so thankful for it. Derek wasn't the only one he owed a drink too, but for all the instructors, Charlie and Alpha teams. Basically a whole months wage. But he didn't care. Callum smiled and nodded a well done before heading off to the armour with his weapons after collecting Dereks before he left.

Clay undid his kevlar vest and quickly placed it next to his helmet but then stopped. Clay couldn't take his eyes off his hands. They were ever so likely shaking. In that second Clay could feel his heart start to beat a little faster. He had no idea why he was shaking because everything had gone to plan. Maybe it was just his body's way of telling him that the adrenaline from the drill has now started to fade. He quickly looked around him to make sure no one was watching him, he didn't want anyone to see him shaking. This didn't happen to him. The last time his hands shook like his he had been covered in Swanny's blood, he sometimes still saw it there even though he knew that they were clean.

He shook his head trying to get the image out of his head of seeing Swanny's blood. He was one of the reasons why he had to fight to come back. Swanny he told him that the teams were everything and he was right but he also promised himself that he wouldn't end up like Swanny. Alone and broken. He knew better, he had to be honest with himself and not bottle everything up. He needed an outlet outside the Navy and he had a few ideas. And had spoken to some old friends about it. He just had to set things in motion when he was ready.

As he made sure that he had taken off everything that he needed he checked his pocket and felt something that wasn't normally there. Reaching down he pulled out the object that had been sat in his pocket throughout the whole drill. Ray's medal. Ray had given it to him right before they had breached the door. He didn't really believe in lucky charms or really religion in general but he also learned not to judge others for it. It was a little odd that he felt very little for a religion that he had grown up in. His grandparents had been very religious, right to the end. But he couldn't do it. He lost his faith a long time ago and he knew that he was unlikely ever able to find it again. Ray thought that it would help him so he didn't argue. He couldn't, not after everything Ray had done for him. Talking to Ray had really helped him. He couldn't thank him enough for what he had done for him. Talking to Ray was so easy, he just listened and pitched in when he needed too and not before.

Thinking back he was so thankful for his brothers letting him do the drill at all, he knew they worried. That they thought he wasn't ready and it was the main reason why he had gone to Alpha and then Charlie for help. He wanted to show his brothers but also himself that he was getting better. That he wasn't the weak injured man that they pulled from inside that hull. But above all, he needed to show Jason that he was better. He was so thankful for everything Jason had done for him, taking him in when he didn't want to go back to the hospital, being there for him when he was locked inside a nightmare without judging him. He never judged him for waking up screaming or crying. He never told him to stop being stupid or man up. He just held him. Told him that he was going to be ok and that he was safe. He had seen him at his worst, seen him broken. But he was getting better. With his brother's help.

He pulled out his medal and ran his fingers over the front of it. He knew that the St Christopher Medal was meant to bring good luck to travellers, even though he wasn't leaving the base he guessed that Ray thought he needed a little luck and many a guardian or two. He had come a long way over the last few weeks and he wouldn't have gotten there if it hadn't been for his family. Maybe he had a lot more than a few guardians up there. He was so lost in thought that he didn't even notice the movement around him.

"You were impressive out there." A voice said from behind caused him to jump.

Clay turned quickly around to see Ray stood watching him with a small smile on his face at seeing Clay hold on to his medal. He knew that the kid had no belief in it but he knew why Clay had accepted it just for his peace of mind. Something he was thankful for, he knew that Clay needed at least one of his brothers to say good luck with the drill before he faced the challenge ahead. But something that he didn't bring up in his little pre-drill talk was the fact that they knew Clay had been training with Alpha. He didn't want Clay to worry about what was going to happen after the drill when that piece of information came to life. He understood why Clay had done it and he would support him through his choices however that didn't mean he wasn't disappointed at the fact that Clay would risk his health to train without their backing but more importantly without Trent's say so.

Clay nodded but then looked back down at the medal in his hand. He noticed Ray moving towards him but didn't look up from the medal. After a few seconds, he looked up to see Ray right in front of him. He then handed the medal out to him. "Thanks and thanks for this." He said as Ray took the medal back. Ray had told him how important the medal was to him and knew that Ray would want it back. Maybe it had helped him but he wouldn't believe in lucky charms as he knew it was dangerous to think an object could hold luck. He could only count on himself and his brothers.

Ray took the medal with a smile and like Clay ran his finger over the front of the medal. He was glad that it had helped Clay, he had hoped that Clay would keep hold of it until he was fully back with them but at the same time understood why he didn't. Also, he wasn't going to force Clay to keep it if he didn't want it. On the other hand, he made a mental note to keep the medal close whenever he was around the kid in case he ever changed his mind. The medal had gotten him through a lot and if Clay needed then he sure as hell he was going to keep it on hand so he could give it again. "No problem," Ray said pocketing it to keep it safe. Then he waited for a second as the instructors moved around them before speaking again.

"Guess all that training with Alpha helped." He added, he knew that he needed to let Clay know now that they knew about his extra training with Alpha before the rest of Bravo got down to them. For everyone's sake. But mainly for Clay's, he didn't want the kid to be caught off guard as he knew that they were soon going to be dealing with a very pissed off Sonny and a ticked off Jason. Finding out that Clay had been training with other teams was a bitter pill to swallow as it meant that other teams were finding a way to work with their kid. Yes, Clay wasn't a newbie anymore and the kid had proven himself time after time but he still belonged to Bravo. He was their little brother and they weren't going to lose him to another team yet.

With Ray's words, Clay's whole body froze. For a few seconds, all he could do was stare at Ray like he had three heads or something. He had no idea how the hell Ray knew about him training with Alpha. He knew that one day, it would get out

But instead of an angry Ray like he thought he would meet, instead he meat the calm Ray. Which scared him more than ever. He had no idea how Ray had found about his training with Alpha, but he had a feeling that he was about to find out. He had been so careful, making sure that his drills were locked down and that only the people that needed to know did. He had even keyed in Lucas who against his better judgement had signed off on his training as long as he put in a few hours with the PTs afterwards. He knew that as soon as they saw him today that the guys would work it out that he had been training but he thought he would have a little more time to tell them himself. Not fine out by someone else.

"Who told you?" He asked looking down at his hands as he slowly rubbed them together not meeting Ray's eyes. He had a feeling that they would be filled with disappointment and he wasn't ready to face that yet. Not now anyway.

Ray sighed and knew that if he hadn't said anything Clay would have acted like nothing was wrong. Until of course he met up with the rest of Bravo. He felt sorry for Clay, he physically looked like a puppy that had been kicked or a child who has found out that his parents have found out that he has done something wrong. "Metal let it slip when he came to see us in the cages," Ray admitted. He knew that he was ratting out Metal but at the same time Alpha's 1IC deserved it after going against there wishes.

Clay took that information in and let it mix with all the other thoughts that were running crazy in his head. He knew Metal wouldn't have let it slip for no reason. Metal was one of the loyalty and scariest guys he knew. The man could make any man nervous just by staring at him. It was why everyone on the teams liked him as well. Metal knew what he needed to do to get the job done. And wasn't afraid to do what was needed to make sure they came home safe.

With a sigh, Clay knew that he owed Ray an explanation for why he had hidden his training from his family. "I just wanted to be ready," Clay said quickly almost like he was finding it hard to get the words out. To be truthful he didn't. But he knew that he owed them everything so explaining himself for why he had lied to them was something he had to do, even if it hurt them a little in doing so.

"You could have just told us," Ray explained but for once he didn't trust the words that came out of his mouth. He was pissed that Clay had lied to them and hid the fact that he had been training but he also understood. He knew the pain of watching his brothers go to war without him, and he would have done anything possible to get back to them quicker than what the doctors had said.

"Ray would any of you let me run these drills if I'd asked?" Clay asked but he knew the answer before he had asked the question. He knew his brothers too well, maybe Ray and Brock would have sided with him but only to a point. Trent would have brought in his medical history to make sure the drills were 100% safe which meant they were useless to his training. And Sonny and Jason would have completely lost the plot if he had mentioned it to them. He had the faint idea that Sonny would have tied him up and locked him in his cage till they were done for the day and then one of them would take him home. Like a dog.

"Honestly?" Ray asked he knew that Clay would want the truth. The kid was a straight shooter, a seeker for the truth. And lying to him was one of the biggest ways to break the kid's trust. They had learnt that really well since they had drafted him.

"Yer," Clay said without a second thought. He hated people lying to him, and more so when the person that was lying to him was a person that he trusted.

"No," Ray admitted honestly.

"Well, you know your answer," Clay muttered. Shaking his head, he knew that he was in for it when he met up with the rest of Bravo but a little part of him wanted to run. Run all the way home and lock himself away until either they came to get him or until he was clear to return to full duty. Whichever came first.

The two of them stood there in silence for a few seconds before Clay turned to start packing his gear away into one of his bags in silence. He didn't have much else to say to Ray, he knew that he was going to have to explain himself to them all so might as well get it out once instead of having to repeat himself.

"Heads up," A voice came from behind them, they both turned to see Derek stood still at his table but with his phone in his hand. Clay had left his phone in his cage mainly because he didn't want to have the distraction of having it on him right before the drill. He always liked cutting himself off from the world right before a drill or a mission.

"What?" Clay asked looking at Derek. The look on Derek's face worried him. Something had happened and he had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that he wasn't going to like what Derek was about to tell him. He just knew it.

"Beau told Jason," Derek said now moving a little closer to Clay. He was really worried about the kid as he had clocked the shaking. He knew that it was more likely due to the adrenaline of the drill but still he was worried. The kid was good, a natural but at the same time, the kid was still the youngest out of all of them. And when he was around him he could feel his fatherly instinct come through. He knew that it was the same for everyone on Bravo. Jason was the worst and they all knew it.

"Shit," Clay swore and muttered something else under his breath that Ray didn't catch but he had a feeling he wouldn't have understood it as he had a feeling it was in another language. That was another thing they had noticed about the kid if he was stressed or really pissed he would often fall into speaking another language without even noticing himself. It was only when they asked about it did the kid notice it.

Ray looked confused about the comment, he looked between Derek and Clay seeing if he could catch one of their eyes to get them to explain what the hell he was missing. Something had happened which Beau had been involved with. And that involvement had pissed Jason off but that had not given him any clue to what had happened. Mainly because Beau could blow his nose and it would piss Jason off. The two butted heads every chance they got.

"Beau told Jason what?" Ray finally asked since neither man looked like he was going to tell him.

Clay sighed and shook his head, things couldn't get any worse. If Bravo were pissed at him for training with Alpha, they were going to be furious about him training with Charlie. With another sigh, Clay turned to Ray and spoke quietly. "It's not just Alpha I've been training with," he admitted.

Ray froze and took in the new information that Clay had just given him. This was going to blow up bigger than he ever thought it would. "Clay...seriously." That was all he could say, he did try to get out a full sentence but he couldn't. He was so surprised that Clay would go to Beau of all people for help when everyone knew about the problems that Jason and Beau had with each other.

"What?" Clay asked defending himself, he knew that there were problems between Jason and Beau. But it wasn't like he was switching teams, he was just trying to work his way back to his family. "Beau offered and it was only when Alpha was spun up or busy," Clay added, he knew that he was now defending his actions to his 2IC but at the same time he was also telling himself that his actions were only meant to help his recovery.

Ray shook his head, he knew why Clay had trained with Charlie and Alpha. He would have done the same, he knew when he was hurt, training was one of the few things that made him feel like he was still a Seal. They weren't trained to deal with being hurt and on the sidelines. It drove them mad, well some of them. He knew that Clay was only trying to make himself better for them, to get back to them sooner rather than later. But maybe Jason was right, maybe the kid was pushing himself a little too far. "You know Jason isn't going to see it like that," Ray said looking directly at Clay now. He had the kid's back, he just hoped that Jason didn't say something that could destroy them.

"Well, he is going to have to deal with it," Clay said shrugging his shoulders. He knew Jason was going to pretty much kill him as soon as he found about it all but he didn't care anymore. He did what he had to do.

"Clay..." Ray started to say, hoping to try to calm the kid down before he went face to face with Jason. Because that was going to be nasty when those two went head to head. But before Ray could finish his sentence the sound of the entrance door slammed open. The pissed-off feeling filled the air quickly which caused a lot of the instructors and support staff to quickly make their exit. They were happy to deal with the Tier one operators, however, when they were pissed off, it was safer to let them deal with it their own way.

Clay knew who had entered the room, he could tell by the feeling in the pit of his stomach like he was about to be told off by his grandmother. She was an amazing woman but she scared him when she used to get angry. She was the toughest woman he knew but the kindness as well. She also could read him like a book when he had done something wrong.

Jason was pissed, no, that was too weak of a word but it was the only word he could think of. Everyone in the room knew it too and they quickly found their exit. He was glad of it too, he didn't need anyone else getting involved. This was team business. When Beau had thrown it in his face that he had seen Clay in action and that he 'fitted well with his team' it really had caused something inside of him to snap. He had never been so protective over one of his guys before. But like Alana had once said, they had never taken anyone this young before. It was true, Clay was the youngest ever to be brought onto Bravo. Truly he was the youngest ever to take and pass Green Team by at least three years. Which made him so much more important to them. Clay was the next 1IC, he was sure of it and there was no way in hell he was about to let Beau take him and ruin him.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Jason snarled as soon as he got close to Clay and Ray, he had a feeling that he knew Ray would have tipped Clay off to them knowing about training with Alpha but that wasn't what was making his blood boil. The fact that Clay had gone to Beau was.

He was glad Sonny, Trent and Brock held back, well Sonny was held back by Trent. He needed to be the one to ask the questions, this was his team and one of his men had been lying to him repeatedly. Ray, however, he knew he couldn't stop. He had a feeling that Ray would protect Clay which it came down to it. It was a little odd but ever since they had brought Clay home, Ray's protective side had wrapped itself around Clay. Not as badly visible as his but enough to see when Clay was in trouble.

"What training with Alpha or training with Charlie?" Clay asked but he knew the answer already. He hadn't been stupid when he had agreed to train with Charlie that if it got out, it would really piss Jason off. But at the same time, he couldn't help himself. He knew that he had a drive-in him to learn new things. He had always wanted to know how the other teams ran things. He knew that not one team was the same but from what he learned from Adam, it didn't matter what team they were on. They were all family. He knew that Beau was a rule follower, he knew that from a few comments and stories he had learned from the other guys. But the guy wasn't bad. And his team ran smoothly.

"Both," He snarled again.

"Come on Jason, it's not like I'm shopping for another team." Clay said shaking his head. He could hear the doubt and anger in Jason's voice as clear as day. He also knew that it was a low blow using Jason's own words against him. He remembered hearing Jason use those extract words against Ray when Ray had been hanging around with other teams when they were deployed.

"Are you?" Jason accused. The thought had crossed his mind when Beau had told him about possibly wanting Clay for his team. Hell, everyone wanted Clay. And the kid was talented, hell he had basically run his own team before. A lot of the 1IC wanted Clay as their 2IC. He had even heard rumours that some of the 1IC from different squadrons had tried to get Clay transferred over to them for missions that needed Clay's skills. But thankfully Eric had stopped them. But the thought of Clay finding out that others would offer him whatever he wanted in order to get him worried him because he had no idea which way Clay would swing. Would he stay with Bravo or leave them? He had sworn to himself that he would never let that happen.

Clay couldn't believe what he was hearing, they all knew that he was loyal to Bravo. But was his 1IC, someone who he saw as a father figure was questioning him about his loyalty. He had shown Jason that he was completely devoted to Bravo and knew that he still had so much to learn. It was something that he knew pissed people off when he questioned everything but it was how he learnt to do things. By breaking them down and unpacking them to make sense of the whole thing. He shook his head and laughed at the humour in all of this. It was like the last two years didn't matter to him, he had shown them that they were his family and yet they think he would throw it all away to be with another team.

"That's what you think of me? That I would just run to another team?" Clay asked still not understanding why Jason would think that low of him.

"Well, you are a Spenser after all." Jason snapped back throwing his hands in the air and shaking his head as he turned away from Clay.

Clay froze at that comment. He couldn't believe that those words had left Jason's mouth. He couldn't. They all knew that the one thing he hated, being compared to Ash. He had promised himself that he would never become his father. It was why he made worked so hard to live above what his father was. His grandparents had never spoken much about Ash to him, sometimes they didn't even speak his name. Only called him their son. He knew that there was no love between them anymore but had no idea why. Sending him to them was one of the best things he had done for him as a father. One and only thing.

"Jas..." Ray warned. He knew Jason had just crossed the line and he made his move to get between the two men in he needed too. He had caught Clay's reaction and the poor kid had turned white. Ash was always a hard topic for Clay and more so when it came down to the kid comparing himself to his father. It was also one of the things that caused the kid to exploded and comparing the kid to his father was one of the few things that caused him to explode.

"You know what I'm done. You know where to find me when you've calmed down." Clay said throwing his bag back on the table in so much force that the bag fell straight of the end of it. He didn't bother looking back, he needed to get out before he did something he regretted. Like, punch out his 1IC.

"Clay!" Ray shouted and tried to follow the kid as he could see the anger in the kid's face. He had also seen something in Clay's eyes that he wished he hadn't. Betrayal. Jason had just betrayed the kid and he had no idea how they were going to fix it.

"Guys leave him alone," Derek called, he had not interrupted Bravo but he too had seen the kid's face. All he wanted to do was to walk over to Jason and punch his lights out for saying that to Clay.

"Derek really don't get involved," Sonny snapped. He hadn't said anything when Jason and Clay were having their little shouting match but he too had seen the kid's face when Jason had compared Clay to his father and knew that the kid still had a lot of pain there. Something that none of them wanted or liked bring up.

"Already am..." Derek said moving in front of Bravo, mainly to stop them from following the kid. All they needed was Clay to lose it and end up in the Brigg.

He sighed and rubbed his fingers through his hair before looking at Jason, "Look Beau didn't ask Clay to train with them until after Woody got diagnosed with pneumonia as he needed a full team to run the drills and after he got all cleared Clay worked with them. He never once said anything to me or anyone else about switching teams but come one, we all know Beau has been after the kid from the very beginning." He said shaking his head even more. He had no idea when or if Clay would ever forgive Jason for what he had just done but he sure as hell wasn't about to let the kid lose the only real family he had left. He knew that if Clay wanted to join Alpha then Full Metal would sign off on it immediately.

"I know that," Jason snapped and ran his hand across his face. He couldn't believe he had just done that to the kid. He couldn't even remember the words leaving his mouths. Had he just destroyed his relationship with the kid for good? He remembered Adam corning him the day after the draft and he had warned him that the kid didn't trust easily but when he did that trust could easily be destroyed.

"Then maybe trust Clay a little more before you really lose him," Derek snapped before leaving to go and fill Full Metal in. He needed to make sure that his 1IC was aware of what had just happened within Bravo so they were ready to help out if needed.

"Jay, you know the kid is loyal to bravo," Trent said quietly shaking his head before crossing his arms.

"I know..." Jason whispered as he stepped a little away from his team. He had let his rage and anger towards Beau infect him and he had turned that anger on Clay without reason.

"You let Beau get to you like normal," Ray said shaking his head with a new burn of anger. He couldn't believe what had just happened and he wasn't the only one. Throughout the whole thing, he remembered hearing Cerberus cry and pull at his lead like he wanted to be close to the kid or at least get between the two men.

"I'll go and talk to him," Jason admitted and quickly left to try to fix the new mess that he had created. He didn't even look back at the rest of his team. He didn't want too. He knew that he hadn't just hurt Clay but he had hurt the others when he had attacked one of their own like he was an outsider. He might have just signed the last page of Bravo's book if he couldn't make this right.

For twenty minutes he searched. Looking everywhere that he thought Clay might have gone but then he thought back to Clay's Green Team days. Over twenty-five minutes walking would take Clay right to the spot where Clay's friend Brian had died. Sometimes he forgot about Armstrong even with the kid's name in his phone. He had gotten it after he had seen the Green Team's list for the first time. The kid was good and reminded him of Ray a little and was one of the men he had been watching during the training to see if he would make a good Bravo member. But sadly Brian hadn't made it through the training and Ray had already set his eyes on Clay.

Heading towards the drop sight he found who he was looking for. Clay was sat in the long grass, just playing with a few blades of it. Not really paying attention to anything and anyone around him.

"I'm sorry..." Jason said first trying to get the kid to even look at him but Clay didn't move. He didn't even acknowledge that he had even spoken to him. "I am Clay, I guess I let Beau get to me..." He added trying to find a way to explain what had happened to cause him to explode on the kid.

Silence fell between the two of them again and Jason just threw himself onto the floor so he was sat next to the kid. He wanted to sit right in front of him and make the kid look at him, but he wasn't going to do that. He wasn't going to force Clay to do anything he didn't want too. Not again.

"You know I would never..." Clay muttered softly but he still didn't look at Jason. He didn't know if he could without feeling the rage again.

"I know kid, I shouldn't have said it," Jason admitted leaning a little closer to Clay. He wanted to grab the kid and pull him into a hug and beg for his forgiveness but he couldn't. Clay wasn't some kid, he was a man who was still hurting from having his trust betrayed. And then he had gone and done it again to him. Without a second thought about how this would affect him.

"So why did you?" Clay asked, he knew his voice sounded like a child's but he didn't care. Not anymore. Jason had hurt him and he didn't know if he could ever trust the man again. Could he?

Jason thought for a second, trying to list the reasons in his head from best to least but then remembered something else Adam had told him about the kid and that was, to be honest with Clay was always the best way. The kid needed someone to be honest with him. To tell him the truth and that was what he had to do, even if it could also cause him to lose him completely.

"Kid you are a natural." Jason started off with and shaking his head and thinking back to the first time he had seen Spenser in Green Team. The kid looked so young and when he had found out his age, he couldn't believe it. "It was like you were born for this job, you are the youngest here and you're already done so much and proved that you are a Tier One Operator. But because of that other teams have been watching you. And not just in our squadron. But every other squadron. I know Blackburn gets requests for you from other teams. We had to get Harrington to make them stop for a while but it still happens."

Jason knew that Clay knew something of the other teams been interested in him but they had kept how much a secret. Even from him. Jason knew that with his knowledge he could easily loss Clay to another team and that team would be lucky to have the kid but at the same time, it would destroy his family. He had lost too much and he couldn't lose anyone else. More so, he couldn't lose Clay. The kid had this calming effect on him. He drove him mad and sometimes he wanted to punch the kid for some of it but he wouldn't change him. Not for the world.

"So just because other teams are interested means I'm going to pick them over Bravo?" Clay asked, now more confused than ever before.

"No Kid that's not what I'm saying, it's just that I know how much others want you and hearing Beau talk about how you fit so well with Charlie, it just pissed me off," Jason admitted. He knew that he couldn't blame everything on Beau for the way he had reacted but it was one of them.

"I'm not leaving Bravo Jay. I can't. You guys are family." Clay said now looking straight at Jason.

Jason could see the hurt, but at the same time saw a little bit of hope that maybe he hadn't destroyed Bravo. Not yet anyway. Maybe their relationship hadn't been destroyed like he had feared only cracked.

"Training with Charlie and Alpha was good. I can't thank them enough but at the same time..." Clay said looking back out at the field like he was searching for something or someone. And then he found it. A person stood not too far from them with that stupid look on his face still. He could never forget that face, not as long as he lived.

Jason followed his gaze trying to see what Clay was looking for but saw nothing. They were alone. And he had no idea what Clay was looking at but knew better than to ask the question.

After a few moments of silence and with a small smile now on his face, he continued. "...it made me miss running with Bravo even more."

Jason smiled softly as well, they had a long way to go but they were getting there. Slowly but surely.


	43. Translator

Chapter Forty-three

After a long night of apologising and a few crates of beer, Jason could finally take in a long breath knowing that his team but more importantly Clay forgave him for his rant. But he knew truthfully that forgiveness took longer than just one night. He could still see the hurt in Clay's eyes every time he looked at the kid, he knew that he had crossed a line when he compared him to his father. But he had sworn to himself that he would make it up to the kid, in any way possible. He wasn't going to allow his own hatred of Beau to cause him to lose a kid like Clay to another team. It wasn't happening. Bravo was family and that meant the kid was too.

The next morning, he had felt his hangover. He hadn't drunk that much but like Clay, he had stopped drinking to stay with the kid. And because of that only having four drinks made him feel like he had knocked back around twenty. After a quick shower and a litre of coffee, Jason dragged himself to base. He wanted to get there before the others, mainly so he could check on Clay's recovery file with Lucas, Big Chief and the base doctor without the team knowing. He wanted a detailed report on how Clay was doing and not the version that Clay had asked them to run with. He needed the truth. Seeing Clay run that drill was a real eye-opener. Clay had shown him that Zurkoff hadn't broken his spirit. It had been a worry for a while as it was hard to see the kid like he was before, after what had happened after they had gotten home.

But watching Clay run that drill with Derek had shown him that Clay was still fighting and even had shown all the instructors up by how well and quickly he and Derek had completed it. He had shown all of the teams that he wasn't out for the count. Not yet anyway. However, at the same time, he was responsible for Clay's welfare. And not the physical side of it but also the kid's mental wellbeing. It was two completely different things training for a mission and being part of one. And that is what he needed to work out. How Clay was going to deal with been back and was he going to deal with being in the firing line. The kid was solid but he knew how quickly bad memories could come up and slap them in the face. It had happened to him more than once. And he wasn't going to let Clay handle it the way he did. Clay had to be better than him and he was going to make sure that he was.

His meeting with Lucas, Big Chief and the base doctor went on for over an hour. Mainly due to the fact that Clay's medical report had to be repeated at least four times to understand it. Thankfully the base doctor and Lucas had been able to translate all of the medical terminologies without needing to be asked. Jason knew Clay's list of injuries like they had been burnt into his memory but he couldn't help feel himself flinch every time they were readout. But what had really shaken him up was seeing Big Chief's reaction to the list. Everyone on base was aware that they had nearly lost Clay due to his injuries but it had been the first time that he had heard about all of them. Jason could see him physically shaking with anger when he had learnt the truth about Clay's injuries. Big Chief was the toughest Seal Jason knew and to see him physically be shaken by Clay's medical report only reminded him how far Clay had come.

Technically the kid shouldn't be still alive, he wasn't for a good few minutes maybe longer if they counted up each arrested. However, Jason didn't want to think about that, not now, not ever. A human being can last three days without water, three weeks without food but they could only survive three minutes without oxygen. But he remembered Trent telling him once that permanent brain damage set in after four minutes without oxygen, after six minutes it was too late. He had no idea how long Clay had been gone for but he had a feeling that it was closer to the six-minute mark. But he didn't want to think about that, not now.

Lucas had also filled them in on his plans for Clay's recovery and reminded both Jason and Big Chief that Clay's training had to be carefully planned out. That he was still working on getting full movement back into Clay's leg and arm. Zurkoff thankfully hadn't caused any major damage to Clay's previous injury but they weren't taking any chances. And for his arm, yes Clay could hold his weapon and use it but he was still having problems with full movement in the joint. Lucas had mentioned something about the ligaments were still showing signs of stress when he last examined Clay and only with physio would it improve enough for him to sign him off completely and even then Clay would still need regular trips to him to make sure it was all healing properly. And he wouldn't sign him off completely until he saw more improvement in the joint. The doctors had been happy with it but they were testing him from the viewpoint that he was a normal Seal. Not a Tier One operator. Not many of them knew how much stress they put their bodies through and how quickly they often got back into the ring.

The conversation then turned to Clay's training. Big Chief was enjoying having Clay around to help with Green Team, he even mentioned that Adam's teaching style had rubbed off on the kid and had mentioned that Clay reminded him so much of Adam it felt like he was back with them. However, Jason had made a point of mentioning that Clay had told him that he was returning to Bravo and back to full status. The kid was a natural at teaching, he had seen that so much when he had witness Clay with the Green Team and even his own kids when they needed help with their homework. The kid was patient, quiet and relaxed when he was teaching someone. There was no sign of anger if they got something wrong or if he needed to explain himself repeatedly. He was a natural leader, they all knew it and with the way, Clay was when teaching others he was going to be a great 1IC one day.

As the meeting ended, everyone other than Jason left the room quickly. Leaving Jason alone with his thoughts. At least they had a plan now that was only going to help in Clay's recovery. To help him return to Bravo. Jason knew that they had to be singing from the same hymn sheet. No more hiding things from them. The complete truth and thankfully they had all agreed to it. They would each keep the others informed of Clay's progress no matter how much the kid begged them to keep it quiet. They all needed to know how Clay was doing. Both physically and mentally.

Alone in the room, Jason thought back to the last time he had been in the room talking about Clay. It had been the day of the draft, he remembered so clearly the emotions that had been playing in his head. He had questioned everything about Clay, trying to work the kid out. The moment he had met the kid he knew that there was something special about him, but there was something else as well. The kid was a believer. He believed so much in the things they were doing and that sometimes was dangerous in a man. At first, he had thought that maybe Ash had made him that way. Had somehow drilled it into the kid that Navy Seals and more so Tier One operators were in laments terms superhero who always saved the hostages. But as time went on, he knew better. The kid was a believer but at the same time had the understanding that they sometimes had to walk on the line in order to get the job done.

However what really did amaze him about the kid was that after all he had been through, after everything he had seen, he still had the same heart. The kid cared. Cared about the men both below and above him, the people they had sent to help and mourned the people that he couldn't save. Every life to him was important. He was similar to Ray on that belief, but there was something about the kid that told him that there weren't any religious beliefs behind it. It was more that the kid knew the pain that came with losing those around them. He had seen the kid's file and what little was known by the Navy about his childhood. He could only guess what Clay had seen over in Africa but knew that whatever it was had made him into the man he was today.

Jason had been too busy in his own head that he didn't hear Blackburn enter but what he did notice was the hot cup of coffee set in front of him. He nodded a thanks to Eric before gulping a mouth full of the hot liquid. As the liquid hit the back of his throat he could feel it start to burn but without a wince or a gasp, he swallowed it. He wasn't about to waste good coffee. Not when there was a risk his next cup would be made by Brock. He had expected Eric to leave him to his own thoughts but that wasn't the case. Blackburn instead cleared his throat catching Jason's attention and for the first time, Jason could physically see the stress in Eric's face. Whatever was going on he knew that he wasn't going to like it. Not one bit.

Eric had to admit that he was not looking forward to this chat but he had very little choice now. Not when the upper brass had put their foot down, but at the same time he knew that they also had very little choice. They needed Bravo and their skills if they wanted to achieve their goal. He also knew that if anything happened to any of them, there was no stopping Bravo from getting revenge. No matter who had given the order or their rank. But to be truthful Eric couldn't blame them. He wasn't happy about the whole situation however he also knew that by completing this mission, it would show the brass that Bravo as still one of the best teams in DEVGRU.

Jason didn't say a word as Eric explained what was about to happen, to be truthful only a few words that entered his ears went to his brain and registered. But the words that did react him caused the anger in him to start to rise from the pit of his stomach and into his chest. The upper brasses wanted them to do what? All he heard was...Africa...hostage...deadline...execution...translator.

The two men sat in silence for a time after Eric had finished explaining what he had been told. He knew that he couldn't go into mission details too much as the room wasn't secure. However, as he finished he had expected Jason to jump to his feet and throw a full-on fit. With him either throwing his chair or kicking it against the wall before storming out. That Jason Hayes he could deal with and he had lots of experience dealing with the seriously pissed off 1IC. But sitting there across from a quiet and still, he was worried for his own safety. He was scaring the crap out of him if he was honest. He had no experience dealing with a quiet Jason Hayes and more so when he had just delivered him bad news. Right now all Eric could think about was how much he wished he had asked Ray to join him when he had passed him in the hallway and warned him that they may be spun up soon. Ray knew how to handle Jason better than him but at the time he thought that he maybe could handle Jason alone.

After a few moments of silence and after Jason worked out what Eric was asking of him he found his voice. "No," thinking back to the words he had managed to catch, a picture had formed in his head and he didn't like it. Not one bit. The success of the mission counted on them using a translator. And with them heading to Africa it cut their list of translators down to two and one of them was already out of the country. Bring it down to one person, and that was what pissed him off.

"Look we don't have much of a choice..." Eric said with a sigh, he knew that like Jason the rest of the Bravo weren't going to be happy about this either. He to be truthful wasn't happy about the whole thing as well but he couldn't argue with the brass. This was happening whether they liked it or not but at least this time he wouldn't be alone. He would have Bravo with them. And it wasn't like he planned to send him out in the action. Coz that wasn't the plan. The plan was for him not to leave the plane. But before he could explain more Jason cut him off again.

"No," Jason growled and shook his head.

"Jason if we had any other choice then we would be doing it. But we don't. We don't have anyone else that speaks the language that is available and that we trust..." Eric started to explain, he was hoping that maybe Jason would understand that they had no other choice in the matter and if he had thought of another way he would do it. But there wasn't any. If they wanted to get the hostage out alive they needed to understand what was happening and since none of them spoke the language it would make it twice as dangerous.

Jason groaned and shook his head, he had a feeling that he wasn't going to win the argument at all. This was happening with or without his consent. "He isn't ready," He added. He knew that his comment wasn't 100% true as he had seen the kid in action in the drill but he wasn't ready to drop the kid right in the fire after what happened last time. The CIA mission was meant to be intelligence only and look at how that ended. Four dead agents and a mole. But at the same time, he knew that Eric wouldn't risk Clay's life. He cared for the kid, the same as he did.

"It's not fieldwork Jason." Eric reminded him. He knew that Jason was worried about the kid, they all were. Eric couldn't sleep without seeing Clay been taken off the helicopter. How pale and ill the kid looked. To be honest with himself, the kid looked dead. If not for the machines telling him that Clay's heart was still there and beating he would have said that they had lost him.

"The CIA op wasn't meant to be anything but an intel-gathering op," Jason snapped back. He felt bad at snapping at Eric as the man had nothing to do with the op, he had played no part in it and had been pissed when he had found out that Clay had been sent there without their knowledge.

"We weren't there Jason," Eric said kindly, he knew that Jason was blaming himself for what had happened even though he had played no part in the op original. "It wasn't our op. This is. And he wouldn't be leaving the plane. He can translate through the radio, we will have comms for the whole thing." Eric explained.

He knew that it hadn't been the brasses choice to have Clay translate through the radio but Eric knew that the only way Jason would allow Clay to come unless he knew that he was safe. And the safest place for Clay was either at home which wasn't an opinion or the plane. It would also allow Jason to know that Clay was safe on the plane when they were out there save the hostage. Also, it would allow him some time to try to tap into Clay's knowledge of the area and see if there was anything else that would help them achieve their task.

When Jason didn't say anything for a few moments, Eric added softly, "He is ready Jason." He said as he got to his feet. "Command wants to see how far along he has come and this is the best way to show them that he is getting there," Eric added. But what he didn't say was that the brass were questioning if leaving Clay with Bravo after something like this was a good idea. There also had been talks about possibly moving Clay to another team in a different squadron because of everything that had happened with Jones and Zurkoff. But it wasn't the brass that wanted Clay to move, it was the CIA. There was talk about how well Clay had handled himself out there and they had shown interest in maybe using Clay in the further. Something that he knew would not go down with Jason at all. Thankfully Blackburn had called Admiral Mason for a favour. They weren't losing Clay and more so not to the CIA.

Jason listened to Eric and then nodded knowing that he wasn't going to win. Clay was coming with them. But he was going to set him terms to it and they were going to follow them. "Fine..." Jason sighed and then looked up at Eric after rubbing his face with his hand. "...he remains in the plane. If he takes one step off it or if he anything happens to him, god help me Eric, I'm letting Sonny off the leash."

Eric didn't need to think about Jason's demands because he had already thought of them. "Fine by me."

Jason nodded and knew that Eric was also giving him his word. There was no way that they were going to lose Clay again. "I'll go and call the guys." He said getting to his feet, he knew that he would also have to do damage control before he let the rest of Bravo meet up with Eric. Sonny was going to lose his shit and he had a feeling Trent wouldn't be far behind him. The normally cool-headed medic could really be scary when something upset him.

"Ok, we'll brief on the plane," Eric said moving towards the door with Jason. It would better for everyone if they were already on the plane which would also stop Sonny and Jason from going to find the brass who had authorised Clay's involvement in the mission in the first place.

"Fine," Jason muttered back and headed towards the cages, he knew that the team was more likely there already. He knew why Eric wanted them on the plane to be briefed as it would control where they could aim their anger at. Which also meant that the cake eaters were safe, for now.

As he got to Bravo's cages, he took in a deep breath before opening the door. But as he did so he heard Sonny's voice and couldn't help himself but smile at the comment. His family was back to normal. Or as normal as they came. As he entered, he noticed that Sonny was meant against the table looking at Clay who was stood in his cage smiling happily at his brother. Ray was sat in his cage with a book in his hand but he kept an eye on his brothers in case he needed to step in. Brock sat with Cerb in his lap watching the conversation with some amusement on his face.

Trent however didn't look like he was listening but Jason knew better. Trent was listening but at the same time, he was focused on working on the kit in front of him. Jason knew that it was his medical bag but had no idea what he had done differently this time. Whatever he had done, he just hoped that they never had to use didn't cut off the conversation at all when he entered but instead moved to his cage to listen to what he had missed.

"Come on Goldilocks, all I'm asking is that you give up a few of those nurses' numbers to me," Sonny whined and turned to nod his head when Jason entered and headed to his own cage. He knew that Clay had at least six nurses' numbers from his visits to the hospital. He knew that he had been on at least one date with one of the nurses but hadn't heard much about had happened or even if it was still on.

"Come on, I'm your favourite," Sonny added when all Clay did was laugh and shake his head at his brother's behaviour. He did enjoy messing with Sonny but that wasn't the reason why he hadn't done as he asked. He knew that none of the nurses were right for his brother but still, he had another reason for why he wouldn't give up the numbers.

"You sure you haven't been seeing crazy things, Sonny?" Trent asked with a smile. Brock and Clay couldn't hold back their laugher at that and both of them had to look away when Sonny sent them a death look.

"Shut it, Trent," Sonny snapped but then turned his attention back to Clay who was now leaning against his cage door with his arms crossed.

"Look, Sonny, you know I love you, brother..." Clay started with before looking at Ray and then adding, "...but I am not pissing Naima off." He wasn't scared of any of his brothers but he was scare of Naima and more so when she was not happy about something.

"Got a good point there, brother," Ray added in pointing at Clay. Naima was a force to be reckoned with when she was not in a good mood and more so when they had done something that she caused stupid.

Jason smiled and shook his head, he knew that Clay had a point. The wives of Navy Seals were women that scared all of them, they might look innocent and others thought that maybe it should be the other way round but they knew better. They dealt with a lot and in turn, helped them deal with their nightmares.

He looked down at his watch and knew that he didn't have long before they had to report to the plane. So before Sonny could add anything else to the argument he quickly called, "Grab your gear." As he said it, he picked up one of his bags and started to check its contents.

"Where we headed?" Brock asked as he ordered Cerberus down as he got to his feet.

"Blackburn is going to brief us on the plane..." He answered and saw that they all had started to get ready. All but Clay. Without a second thought and not looking at any of them, he added, "You too kid."

"What?" Clay asked shocked. He didn't know if he had heard Jason right. Had he just told him that he was coming with them? He knew that he wasn't cleared to return to the field and he still had a while to go before the brass would consider allowing him back until everyone was in an argument that he was ready.

"You heard me," Jason said shrugging shoulders. "We need a translator and you're it." He added as he picked up his bag and moved out of his cage. He knew that every single one of them was watching him. But he didn't pay any attention to them. His focus was on Clay who still looked shocked at being told to get ready.

"You stay on the plane. In HAVOC. You do as Blackburn orders but I swear to god Clay if you do anything..." Jason said getting right in Clay's face. He needed the kid to understand that he wasn't happy about the idea either and that he was only allowing it because they needed him.

"I wouldn't," Clay said firmly. He knew that Jason was taking a risk right now with him. But he could also see that this plan wasn't of his own making. And he knew that it wasn't Blackburns as he wouldn't do that without Jason's consent. Which only left the cake eaters. But for Jason to allow it only told him that they had no other choice. It was either use him or mission failure.

"I mean it Kid. You stay on the plane. If I find out you left you are running laps till you learn better," He added. But he knew that Clay knew he was serious.

"Wouldn't let you down boss," Clay said with a nod, telling Jason that he knew what was requested of him. But at the same time, he could feel the adrenaline rush through him, he was going on a mission with Bravo. He couldn't believe it. He didn't care that he was going to be confirmed to the plane. He was going to be useful for the first time since he was hurt and that was all he wanted.

"I know you wouldn't," Jason said with a soft smile as he patted Clay's shoulder before leaving the cages. He knew that more than likely Ray was going to corner him the second they got onto the plane but at the moment he didn't care. This was a test for Bravo and he knew it. The brass were testing them to see if they could operate with Clay again and there was no way they were going to show the cake eaters that Clay belonged somewhere else because he didn't.

Clay belonged with them.

He was Bravo and would remain Bravo for as long as they and he wanted it.


	44. One step closer

Chapter Forty-Four

Jason couldn't believe they had pulled it off but they had. To anyone outside the team would think that the mission had gone off without a hitch, which in fairness it had. They had complete the mission and the hostage which to be fairness had been a real piece of work was now safe in the embassy after been treated by doctors. Jason had a feeling that the Home Office would be having a few words with that stupid woman who thought it was a good idea to go right into a warlord held area to grab a story that she thought would get her onto the front page. Instead, she had a long and painful briefing with some suit and a story that she couldn't write about.

They had an interesting story, to say the least, that they also couldn't tell anyone either. But thankfully none of them were sporting serious injuries, just some cuts and bruises from the fallen debris after someone decided to blow the roof off the target building. Thankfully he and Trent had been able to escape the debris fall with the hostage without getting buried underneath it all. But it had been a close call. One that he didn't want to repeat. But at least now they were all safely back on the plane heading home, and nowhere near their rescued hostage. He didn't know how Sonny had kept his mouth shut when she continued to yell at them for being too rough when they threw her into the helicopter or when they all refused to give her their names or anything about them. All she wanted was a story and they weren't going to be it. Fuck no.

All the woman cared about was her story, after the short chopper ride, Jason couldn't help but feel that they should have let the rebels kill the bitch instead of going to all the trouble to save her. But what really pissed him off was finding out that the stupid woman had allowed herself to be taken to try to get the warlord to talk to her about their struggles. Not caring that those men had killed hundreds of civilians and forces members. That they were rapists and murders, doing it for the thrill of it all. Drugs and money, that was all they cared about. In her eyes, the government and the forces helping them were the bad people. Kicking the little man down was how she put it. She had the nerve to demand to know why they had killed those men who had planned on killing her in front of a camera. After they had handed her off, Jason made sure to mention to the doctor, a man who was clearly from South Africa that the bitch needed to get her head checked coz in his mind she was nuts.

But now he didn't need to worry about her anymore. She wasn't his problem anymore. Which he couldn't be happy about. The stupid woman had risked the lives of his men. His brothers. But what was worse was that because of her actions, Clay was put in the firing line. Yes, being on the plane was a lot safer than being in the field but the airstrip hadn't been secured by them. He had no idea what security was in place meaning that they could have been open for attack. And that had really been playing on his mind. But they were all safe, the kid was safe and for the first time since he had heard about the mission, he could relax a little.

The second they had taken off, Sonny and Trent had opened the beer supply. Trent kept complaining that he had a headache from listening to the little witch as Sonny had named her's voice as he had been the one sat next to her. Sonny had taken a large gulp of his beer but then agreed with Trent, even going so far as saying that his ears were still ringing from her complaining.

"Good job fellas," Blackburn said as he approached the guys who were all sat around the beer stash. He had been worried about how the team was going to act after their nightmare mission. But more so when it came down to Clay been put in the firing line, even if he was technically safe on the C-17.

"What?" Jason asked, shaking his head as he sipped his beer. "No confidence in us?" He added looking at Blackburn with a look that told that whatever was going on with the brass he wanted to know about it later when they were alone.

"No," Blackburn answered innocently, Eric could tell that Jason knew that there was something else going on but thankfully for everyone, he held his tongue. He didn't need a full pissed off Seal Team on this long flight home. He could live with one or two of them but all of them would cause his headache to become a full-blown migraine attack.

"Then what?" Jason snapped, he was tired and all he wanted to do was sleep but he couldn't switch his brain off. However, Blackburn looked as tired as he felt, but with Blackburn, he couldn't shake the feeling that the man had gotten an ear full from the brass on something they had done (It normally was).

Blackburn sighed, "The brass wasn't certain, that's all." He said before moving back to his seat and away from his team. He knew that he had to get some sleep before they got home because he unlike the rest of the team had to face the brass to give them a break down on how the mission had gone and then write up the reports. Something he wasn't looking forward too.

"Well, what does the brass think we've been doing lately? Painting our nails?" Sonny called as Blackburn walked away from them. He still had a banging headache and all he wanted to do was drink a beer or seven and then fall asleep. To be truthful this whole mission had been crap, hearing and feeling the explosion that caused the roof to collapse nearly on two of his brothers had shaken him more than he was letting on. He had nearly lost three of his brothers in the last few months and he wasn't ok with it. It was the reason why he was staying so close to Clay, he had nearly lost the kid too many times and he needed to remind himself that Clay was still there. He was still breathing.

"Sonny, they're just doing their jobs," Ray said with a little smile. The thought of Sonny painting his nails made him chuckle. He made a quick reminder to tell Jameelah the next time Sonny came over to his, no one could say no to Jameelah. And when that time came his camera would be ready.

"Well, a little confidence would be nice," Sonny muttered angrily. Sometimes he hated what little thanks they got from the upper brass. They were the ones that risked their lives and the brass got the medals for their actions. He loved his job and his brothers but at the same time, there was a part of him that wished they got more respect for what they had done. His mind turned to Swanny, the man was a legend in the teams and it took him killing himself to show that he had been failed by the very system that should have helped him. TBI like PTSD was a killer and the two of them was more dangerous than any terrorist they had ever faced. It killed more of their brothers and sisters than the wars they fought. It wasn't right.

"Well, you're in the wrong line of work if you wanted a pat on the back," Clay said leaning back into his hammock. Trent had told him to rest the moment he had stepped foot onto the plane. It annoyed him that he was still been treated like a child but at the same time, Trent was right. He was shattered. Listening to his brothers operate without him was the most stressful thing he had ever done. But knowing that they were all safe and sat around with him enjoying a cold beer.

"Shut up Clay," Sonny snapped but then smiled at the cheek of his little brother. God did he miss him. They would be dead if it hadn't been for Clay's quick translation of that guard's message. It was a message about not letting the woman get rescued, and that if anyone came to the rescue they were to detonate the bomb. It saved their lives and because of that, they owed him a crate of beer.

"Miss getting told off by Sonny yet?" Trent asked grinning at Clay as he took a sip of his own beer. He loved messing with Sonny and he couldn't help it. Anything to make himself and the whole situation feel normal. Being operating with Clay again felt great but still not having Clay right there with them was still a little odd. The kid might be a challenge for him in the medical field but he liked that about him. Normally treating his brothers was his job, but since Clay joined the team, he had found himself being a teacher to the kid. Clay's thirst to learn was a real nice change to the rest of his brothers.

"Or having breaks from his annoying voice?" Brock asked stroking Cerb who was now sat at his feet asleep. The pup hadn't been on the mission and had been left with Clay, Brock both upset of not having him with him and happy that he had left him behind. Normally without his four-legged brother, he felt empty. He didn't have one of his brothers watching his back like normal and without that, he felt exposed. But at the same time, leaving Cerb meant Clay had a little more protection. He trusted the support team along with Blackburn, Lisa and Mandy could protect Clay and the kid could protect himself. However, Cerb could really cause some damage when one of his family was threatened.

Clay grinned at the comments, he missed this. Their brotherly banter and then sipped his beer before grinning more broadly and looked at Sonny, "Well maybe a little." He said shrugging his shoulders like he meant it.

"Hey!" Sonny shouted turning to look completely at Clay with a hurt look on his face. He knew that Clay didn't mean it, not like it sounded. But their brotherly banter was something that he did miss when Clay was stuck stateside. It felt like years since Clay had operated with them, and now he was there with them. Maybe not in the field but he was there.

"You know I'm joking Sonny," Clay said with a smile and lent over to snap Sonny's arm. Not too hard but enough to make his point. God did he miss this.

"Better be," Sonny said with a stern look but when chuckled and shook his head. He knew the kid had been joking and god did he miss the kid messing with him.

Jason looked at his brothers, he missed this. Them being all together, safe and heading home after a successful mission. And having Clay in his ear had really calmed him. The kid had spent the whole mission reporting back anything that he found out from the information that Mandy had found out about that group and also worked on the information they had found out. He also knew that that explosion must have brought up some really unpleasant memories for the kid and seeing it on the drone feed must have made it so much worse. He always knew that the kid was still haunted about that night even though he kept telling everyone he was fine. No one was fine after that night. None of them. But they had an output for that anger, they had gotten the man who had planned the attacked that had nearly got Clay's ticket punched. Clay had a different battle and that was to stay in the Teams and even in the Navy all together.

"You ok?" He asked as he took his seat next to Clay as he handed him another beer as Clay had placed his now empty one on the floor. He knew Trent had limited him to three but at the same time, he felt like the kid needed another one right away. Clay was still hiding his pain from them, he knew that. He had gotten pretty good at reading the kid since he had lived with him for so long. But he also knew that the kid hated people trying to get him to open up about his feelings in a direct manner but at the same time he knew that if he demanded an answer he wouldn't get one. The kid would shut down.

"I'm fine," Clay said looking at Jason and knew why his boss had asked him. To be fair, he was anything but fine at the moment and he knew that Jason only meant well but this problem he was toying with was one that he needed to work out himself. "Know something I don't?" He then asked. He remembered when his brothers had returned to the plane after handing off the hostage to the medics, most of them had come straight to see him or put their stuff away but Jason had made a beeline to Blackburn and the two had spoken quietly for a few moments alone. And even stopped when Mandy had walked past them, he couldn't shake the feeling that their conversation had been about him. But he didn't have any proof of that unless you counted the sideway glances that they shot his way.

"Just checking," Jason answered as he took a drink of his beer and then looked at Ray who nodded, he had also caught how quiet Clay had been after they had gotten back. Their silent conversation only heightened their worry about the kid. To be fair they both knew that Clay must have seen the roof collapse and heard Brock's and Sonny's despite cries for Trent and Jason. The thought of the worry and pain they have felt in that moment must have been 100% worse for Clay who could only just sit there and watch.

"Look good work today," Jason added, this time looking directly at Clay. He needed to make sure the kid knew that he had done well today. He knew that Blackburn had already done it but he needed Clay to hear it from him. Clay was an operator and felt more comfortable on the ground instead of been stuck behind a computer. Even if he was good at it.

"Thanks, boss." Clay replied as he played with the label on his bottle. He knew that Jason was going out of his way to give him the compliment. Jason had been doing that a lot lately and it was nice to hear but it still felt a little strange.

"Going to be a lot easier when you're back with us," Jason added and he meant it. Having the translator physically there was so much better than having them at the end of the radio. They could ask the right questions in the language that the person understood. But there was no way he was going to risk Clay's health by bringing him out into the firing line until he was ready. He wanted Clay to be 100% before that, not only for his own safety but for his peace of mind. He could see the kid like that again, lying there on the floor, blue and without a heartbeat.

"Sorry that you had to come with us," He added looking down at the floor. He knew that the only reason the brass had wanted Clay there was because he knew the language. God, why did the kid have to be so good at them? He knew that this wasn't the first time they had been given a mission because the kid had spoken the language but he was going to make sure that it wouldn't happen again until he was fit to be there with them.

"I'm not, nice to be useful again," Clay admitted softly, he knew that he must sound so childish but he didn't care. He knew that none of the others were listening. They were too busy having their own conversations. Sonny was complaining to Trent about his ears. Brock had his complete attention on Cerberus and Ray was on his phone. But Clay had a feeling that Ray was listening in to them.

"You are kid," Jason said softly. He knew that the kid was showing his vulnerable side and he was secretly proud of him for that. They normally never showed it around each other but then again, Clay was so much better than them in that respect. Better than him.

"Anyway, I kind of get now why Lisa was always so pissed at us when we don't answer right away. Operating is so much easier than watching it happen. Knowing that you can't do a damn thing about it." Clay said clearing his throat, stopping any more emotion from slipping out. But he knew that in his words, Jason was catching little bits of it. Watching his brothers go into danger when all he could do was sit there and watch it happen without being able to help them was one of the worse things about the whole thing. He was an operator, a door kicker, he wasn't meant to sit behind a computer scene watching the action happen.

"Yer, I don't know how they do it," Jason admitted. He had no idea how Lisa, Mandy and Blackburn could deal with watching their ops from the drone feeds every single time they went out there. It would drive him nuts. He remembered when Blackburn had joined them on that op in Afganistan, he was a Seal after all and sometimes Jason forgot that their commander was one of them even with the strips he wore. Eric had his backs, he could think from an operators' point of view but also (and more importantly) he could work with the brass to get what they needed.

"Hey Bam Bam, how do you know...whatever language that was again?" Sonny asked turning in his seat. He could tell straight away that he had interrupted something but didn't really care. He had wanted to ask it from the moment that they had found out that Clay was going to be joining them on the mission, all because he knew some weird language.

Clay chuckled and shook his head. Leave it to Sonny not to remember what language it was. But there was no way in hell he was going to remind him or he wouldn't hear the end of it. "It's called studying Sonny, maybe you should try it?" He said leaning back in his chair with a grin. The thought of Sonny with a textbook was too funny. Trent and Brock even found themselves laughing at the thought of Sonny studying for anything.

"Not bloody likely..." Sonny groaned at the thought of having to pick up a book and even worse the thought of him having to go to a class.

"Yer don't think I've never seen him with a book," Trent pointed out. To be fair, he might have seen him with a book once but it was only the object he could find to throw at Clay one night in the cages after one of the brotherly banter sessions got a little out of hand.

"Hey, I read," Sonny pointed out. He knew how he just didn't like to.

"Porn mags don't count Sonny," Brock said doing his best not to laugh as he said it. But that didn't stop everyone else from laughing. Jason even choked on his beer at the comment.

"Shut it, Brock, I read...I just choose not too," Sonny explained, as he finished off his can before grabbing another can from the lockbox. He so knew that the contents of the box wasn't going to be enough but it would do for now.

"So how old were you?" Ray asked, turning the attention off Sonny and back on to Clay. To be fair he was also interested in knowing how Clay knew so many languages and more so the local ones in Africa because he thought that Clay only lived in two different regions of Africa. But the kid knew more languages than that, and he had a feeling that Clay didn't just learn them for the hell of it.

"When I learned it?" Clay asked and Ray nodded. He didn't need to speak, Clay knew what he meant. Everyone was interested in how Clay knew so many languages, they knew that the kid was smart and loved to learn.

"When I was a kid I learned most of the local languages and a few more as we moved around. English is my second language as I spoke the local dialects of where we were living before I spoke English." Clay explained. From the surprised look on their faces, he guessed that they didn't know that little detail about him. It was in his file, along with him having joint citizenship with South Africa. But he had a feeling that none of them, expect Blackburn had read his complete file. Which surprised him a little because of the rocky start he had with them.

"Wow, didn't know that." Sonny expressed. A lot of people said that they could barely understand him and English was his first language. For Clay to have English as his second language just surprised him, he spoke it perfectly like he had been doing it his whole life but he guessed that Clay had learnt it soon after learning the other languages.

"Do you miss it? You know, living in Africa?" Ray asked. None of them knew anything about Clay's childhood and that sometimes worried him more. Everyone had a past, they could never change it but they could learn from it. They all knew Sonny was brought up by hid grandparents mainly but his father had been around and had made an effort. Trent's lost his father when he was fifteen in an accident at his job. Brock's parents were still together and still lived in the house he was brought up in. Jason, of course, had his mom after losing his father and his family was complicated but Clay was a complete mystery. All they knew was that he was brought up in Africa after this mom died and Ash wanted nothing to do with him.

"Yer...sometimes." Clay started with. He knew that Ray was fishing for more detail but he wasn't going to give it. Part of his time in Africa was like a nightmare. Somethings were meant to be forgotten but it hadn't been all bad. There were some good memories too. He loved Africa, but at the same time, he hated it. "You know the people, the culture and other things like that," Clay said as he played with the label on his beer a little too much and found that he was, in fact, removing it. With a sigh, he then added, "But it wasn't really home after I lost my grandfather. Anyway, I always wanted to be a Seal so I moved back." He quickly took a long drink of his beer, hoping that they would see that he didn't want to talk about it and change the subject.

"Still in touch with any of your friends over there?" Jason asked, hearing something when Clay had mentioned missing the people. He guessed that Clay had made some strong friendships out there but didn't know if he had kept up with them. It would be a little odd if he didn't.

"Yer, some of them," Clay admitted. But what he didn't want to admit was that a lot of his childhood friends, the ones from his early years, were dead. Killed by the rebels or made into child soldiers and killed by local forces. That was one of the reasons why he didn't like making friends too easily. It was a pattern that he had seen throughout his whole life, everyone he cared about or cared for him, always found a way of leaving him behind. He didn't know how much more he could take, which was why he didn't think of it.

"Any chance we'll get to meet them?" Sonny asked with a cheeky glint in his eye.

Clay caught it. And it worried him. The question was harmless in itself but with the look added too it, he was now really worried. "Why?" He asked he was actually scared of what was about to come out of Sonny's mouth in reply. He loved his brother, but that look only spelt out trouble.

"So we can get some embarrassing childhood stories out of them," Sonny answered with a grin.

Clay laughed at Sonny's childish behaviour and found that he needed to laugh because his head had gone to its dark place. Shaking his head at Sonny's comment he didn't even get a chance to think of a response when Jason had joined the question.

"So are we?" Jason was interested like the rest of them but there was also a little piece of information that he had now that was worrying him. Something that he couldn't tell the team as it wasn't his message to give.

Clay sighed and knew that he wasn't getting out of this. "Not likely..." He started with and then went on to explain fully. "I only really keep in touch with three of them. The others it is really on occasion or on a holiday." He did miss his friends back in Africa but they also had their own lives. Some still lived in small villages were phone reception was still pretty bad and for those who lived in the cities or larger towns, the internet was the same. His friends in South Africa had a lot more chance of getting hold of him but once again, they had their own lives to get on with. "The three guys that I still talk to the most have their own lives to get on with. We talk, mainly by email but sometimes by phone when we can." Clay explained.

They had been his best friends and all three of them had lived near Cape Town when he lived with his grandmother there. "One is married and runs his own business. Another moved to the other side of the world and the other is in the forces."

"What?" Sonny asked confused completely now.

Ray shook his head, he had followed Clay's comment but he didn't say anything. None of them did. Sometimes getting information out of the kid was like bleeding a stone. So if the kid happily gave them the info, they weren't going to stop him.

Clay sighed, now he was getting a headache. "The one that is married has five kids now..." Clay started but Sonny quickly stopped him at that.

"Wow...and I thought Ray was mad," He said causing both Trent and Brock to burst out laughing.

Ray, however, gave Sonny a series look telling him to shut up or else. But that did make him think, he loved his family but he couldn't see himself having five kids. Having two was hard, thinking about having five of them sounded impossible.

"Anyway, the one that moved away created his own business and chose to move his offices to Australia and he lives out there." Clay explained but shrugged his shoulders. He also didn't mention that the business was worth millions today and that his friend had even offered him a job if the Navy had chosen to retire him. To be fair, he had been tempted. The job had been for the head of his own security team, came with a house near the beach, a car and everything already paid for. But that wasn't what he wanted. Maybe when he was older but not now.

"And the last? The one in the military?" Jason asked. He had caught on that Clay hadn't mentioned which part of the military the man was but also he had noticed that Clay had referred to the military as the forces. Something that they never did.

"He's in the South African Army," Clay said shrugging his shoulders. "We all know what the jobs like, so we barely get to talk much. He's deployed when I am home and he's home when I'm deployed. Sometimes we catch each other for a chat on the phone but its a nightmare." To be fair Marius was his best friend and the two of them had agreed that no matter what happened, they would always be there for each other. After the bombing, he had called Marius to let him know personally that he had been hurt. It was part of the packed they had formed when he had left for the States. To always talk to each other when things got bad. Marius had wanted to get the next flight to the States to be with him but Clay had asked him not too. Not that he wouldn't have minded his best friend being there by his side but it would cause him only to miss him more when he left. Also, Marius had responsibilities back home. He wouldn't;t keep him from them. No matter how much he needed him.

"Yer, hard to keep any friendship in this job and more so if they aren't in the Navy," Ray said, understanding Clay's problems. Keeping any friendship was hard in this life, and more so when those friends weren't part of the Navy or more specifically not in the Teams. The only reason he was still friends with some of his old friends was because of his kids. They were friends with their kids and that was how it worked. He knew that it wasn't the same for the others.

"Tell me about it." Clay said nodding to Ray but then added, "Anyway, why so much interest in my past?" He asked. It was a little odd that his brothers had now taken interest in his life before the Navy. They hadn't done so in the past and they had run operations in Africa since he joined so why was this time different.

"Well..." Ray started and then turned a little to look at Jason seeing if he could work out what he wanted him to say but then finished with, "...we don't hear you talking about it. If I grew up in a country like this, even with its problems I would talk about it." He was speaking the truth, Africa was a beautiful country. And Jameelah had been begging for him to take her there so she could see the animals. But they all knew how dangerous the country was. And it was that danger that worried him, had Clay seen things a child should never see?

At the comment, Clay's face hardened. He couldn't help it. He did miss Africa, it was one of his homes after all but at the same time, it was a source of some of his pain. Pain that he had locked away. "Not much to talk about," Clay finally said after a few moments silence. Immediately they all knew that Clay had shut down. They weren't going to get anything else out of him and they had no idea why. But they knew better than to try to get the kid to open up now as it wouldn't work. The topic was closed, at least for now.

"Anyway..." Sonny said nervously, but then piped up when Lisa walked over to them, "...who's up for hitting the pub when we get home?" He asked rubbing his hands together after placing his can between his legs. He guessed that they were due for a good team piss up session. And now felt like the perfect time to bring it up since they could cut the tension with a knife.

"You do know it will be ten o'clock in the morning when we land Sonny?" Lisa asked shaking her head. She had heard a little of the conversation that the boys had been having and could tell that Clay had ended it. She loved the boys but something they drove her crazy. Sonny most of all. She also knew that Sonny wasn't joking about going to the pub when they land, however she could tell that maybe it wasn't the best idea after the op they just had. And the brass wouldn't be happy about it if they found out. Bravo was still under review with what happened with Shaw, even if they weren't at risk of been broken up again, the brass were still watching.

"And?" Sonny answered grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"You are a lost cause." She admitted, walking away from them but she made sure that she got to walk past Clay so she could squeeze Clay's shoulder as she passed. She wasn't going to ask if he was ok, because she knew he wasn't. She had seen the ghostly look on his face when the roof had craved in on Trent and Jason. The fear was still there in his eyes. But she wasn't about to bring it up in front of the guys, she had a feeling that Jason knew already. But she wasn't about to put the poor kid on the spot if he didn't want to talk about it. He would talk when he was good and ready and that time wasn't now.

"But you love me," Sonny shouted after causing them all to burst out laughing.

Jason was glad to see Clay join in on them, but he could tell that the kid was falling asleep in his hammock. The had passed the first test. Clay had made it through his first op, even if he hadn't stepped foot on the ground but it was a step forward. Not long now and he would be back at his side. He just hoped he still wanted it.


	45. Home Sweet Home?

Chapter Forty-Five

As soon as the C-17 landed on the tarmac and Jason felt the warm Virginia Beach Sun on his face, he felt for the first time since this whole mess with Clay started that he could finally relax, even a little. He always found then sun relaxing, in a way it reminded him of that there was still some warmth in the world. Alana always worried that he spent too much time in the dark, in the shadows of the world. And that one day he would forget that there is light. She had told him often when he had turned from a mission or a deployment to always look up at the sun or moon and know that there was still light in the world. Whether it came from the yellow glow of the sun or the white light from the moon. There was always light.

She was always worried about him, even when they split. She was always thinking of him. She cared. Maybe too much. Her last act was to go and get him some beer and chicken. All because he was so pissed at Ray, and she knew that he was impossible to deal with when he was like that. She loved him and he knew that was why she was dead. Because she loved him. He knew that she would kick his backside if she was still here but he couldn't shake the feeling that he had been responsible for her death because as everyone kept telling him, it wasn't. It was just wrong place wrong time. A quote he hatred. He believed that everyone had a clock, and that clock was just counting down till their expiry date was up.

Alana was better than him, so much better.

It seemed unfair that her time was up and yet he was still there. He was there to see Emma and Mikey grow up, become the amazing independent people. That wasn't his doing, it was her's. She had been basically a single parent ever since they were born. She had been the parent, it was something he could never be. He had tried and failed at it. Instead of messing them up like he knew he would, he had sent them away from him. Away from his world of darkness. His kids were going to be better than him, he was going to make sure of it.

But looking at his team as they headed off to do whatever they did after a mission. Clay and Sonny were headed for lunch at a local dinner before heading back to Clay's place to what a re-run of the game that they had missed. Trent was meeting Amber for lunch on her lunch break and Brock was set to work with a few new handlers with Cerberus. A job that he took seriously, not that everyone wanted to think about it but their four-legged brother did have a shorter service time than they did. And he only just guessed that Ray would want to pick up his kids from school. Jason found himself smiling at they started to collect their things before leaving the plane. However, it quickly dropped when his eyes fell on Clay. The kid was still moving slower than normal, only another reminder of the injuries that lay underneath his clothes. It was a painful reminder that Clay wasn't ready to come back to them just yet.

As they walked across the tarmac, Jason found himself moving closer and closer to Clay as the younger man joked with Sonny and Brock. He didn't know why he was doing it and he had a feeling that Clay didn't either but that part he was thankful for. He knew that he should have known better than to push the kid into talking about his time in Africa. The locations to which he guessed Clay had been raised were all war zones then and some of them were still to this day and the thought of a young child having to live through that when he didn't need too really had put up his defences right up there. If he ever saw Ash Spencer, he didn't know if he would be able to stop himself from punching the bastard's lights out. No father would send his child into a war zone. No parent would, which only spoke volumes to what type of man Ash was. Someone he never wanted around his kid again. Not with him still breathing.

He couldn't help but stay behind as he watched his team head to their own cars. He made sure to watch each car as it left with his brothers safely inside them. He knew that his armour's cracks were starting to show and he wanted his brothers out of the way before the dam broke. He didn't want his brothers so see his anger and pain that he was feeling right in this moment. Mainly because he was still trying to work out how to explain his anger, talking about his emotions was never one of his strong points after all.

But one of the real reasons why he didn't want them to know was because he didn't want to upset Clay anymore than he had already done. He knew Clay would just blame himself, the kid seemed to do that a lot and he had a feeling that Clay would soon put together his leave request and his mood. Also, the kid was still dealing with a lot and he didn't want to add to it just yet but he knew that he couldn't hold off the conversation for too long. There wasn't much time left. He didn't have long before he lost Clay. When Blackburn had told him that Clay had requested leave time and had been given it, it really scared him. But also find out that the kid wasn't just leaving the team for a little but actually flying out of the country, it downright terrified him. That had been the reasons for his questioning, he needed to know who would be watching the kid's back since he couldn't. He just hoped to hell that the kid remained safe, he didn't know if he could live through a phone call telling him that the kid was hurt again or even worse, killed.

However, as he put his own stuff in the back of the truck, he noticed a figure standing on the other side of it. He should have known. Ray. He then remembered that he hadn't seen Ray leave in a car, thinking back there was only three cars that left the parking lot, Clay's car who had Sonny also in it, Trent's and Brock's. He shook his head, cursing himself silently. He should have counted. He also should have known that his best friend would work out that there was something else going on with him. On the plane, he could feel Ray's eyes burning into the back of his head and more so when they had been talking to Clay. Jason knew that he would, in the end, need to fill Ray in completely with what he knew but he had thought that maybe he had a little more time to work it all out himself before being Ray into it.

"Fancy a beer?" Ray asked and without waiting for a response he climbed into Jason's truck, not giving him any chose but to climb in himself. Jason knew the game Ray was playing, he had used it on him before which meant he knew that he was not going to win. Ray was going to get the answers out of him one way or another. He always did. As they drove, neither of them said a word to each other. They didn't have too, the tension in the car was proof enough that both of them were on edge.

Jason knew that this conversation was not meant to be had in a bar, not where others could overhear them. He didn't need the information that he had to get around the Teams before Clay was ready to tell them himself, it felt like he owed the kid for that. Clay needed to be the one to tell them about this little trip. A little voice kept repeating the same thing again and again in his head telling him that this trip would do Clay some good. That getting away from all the looks that he was still getting from guys on base who had only heard a little about what had happened. Clay's story had become a legend on base. Something that had been repeated over a dozen times, each a little different but the main facts were right. However, thankfully the classified information had remained just that classified. Otherwise, they would be having a completely different conversation with the upper brass. They had done their best to shield Clay from the attention, the kid didn't need to be asked a million questions about what had happened with Zurkoff. Not when he was still dealing with it himself. He didn't need to add more smoke to the fire,

And so they headed to the one place, that he knew that it deserted right now. With no chance of being overheard or disturbed. His place.

As soon as they sat down in the living room with a beer in their hands did Ray finally speak. He had been thinking about how to bring up the conversation with his friend that didn't end with him throwing a fit and the beer bottle ending up meeting the wall at high speed. He did not need to deal with a pissed off Jason Hayes right now when he had no idea why Jason was mad to begin with. He needed to know that before he let Jason do anything so he could at least try to do some type of damage control before his brother ended up in the Brigg. Followed quickly by Sonny.

"So..." He started as he turned in his seat to face Jason a little better. Jason sat on the couch with the beer in his hand but he had barely drunk anything out of it. Instead, he just rubbed it between his palms. He didn't really want to talk about this but he also knew that he needed too. He also knew that Ray only meant well and was trying to help him.

Ray waited for a few moments to which Jason didn't even acknowledge that he had said something before continuing "...why so much interest in Spencer's history in Africa?"

Jason thought over Ray's question, it had been a fair one. But he knew that he wasn't the only one that was interested in Clay's history. Clay was so closed off on the subject that he felt like he was pulling teeth with the kid when he wanted answers. Nearly all of the kid's history was a mystery. He knew that Clay moved around a lot, and from what Clay had just told him that he had lost touch with Africa when he had lost his Grandfather. Jason had seen the pain in Clay's face when he mentioned his Grandfather and hoped to God that what he thought might have happened didn't happen. They all knew how barbaric the rebels could be to those they deemed unworthy and useless to them. If that did happen he just hoped Clay hadn't seen any of it. And he hoped the man had gone quickly.

He knew that the others on his team, well maybe not Sonny, had noticed his line of questioning. But thankfully none of them had brought it up when they were with Clay or when Clay had finally fallen to sleep. But thinking back to what Clay had given them when he had opened up, he was a little nervous that Clay was still in contact with a few people from his time in Africa. It was like the kid was still keeping a few strings attached to his old home, just in case he needed to go back. A thought that scared him. Was Clay thinking about going back and seeing if he wanted to stay? Would the Navy let him? After all, Clay's injuries could have given him a medical discharge if he asked for it. Even now. "And you're not?" Jason asked.

Ray couldn't help but agree with Jason, they all wanted to know a little more about their youngest brother but unlike Sonny or even Jason, Ray knew that Clay might find it too painful to speak of his childhood. He had heard enough stories of children that have survived the war and because of that survival carry similar invisible scars that they did. No child should have to grow up in the middle of a war, it just didn't seem fair. He just prayed to God that Clay had at least been given a childhood that was fit for a child. But like Jason, he had seen the pain in Clay's face and from his seat, he had seen the haunted look that he had seen before. On someone who had to watch as someone, they loved died.

"Yer..." Ray answered at first but then thought a little about how quickly Clay had clammed up right afterwards. "...But if he doesn't want to talk about it, we can't make him Jay." Ray finished as he took a drink of his beer. Clay was pretty much a closed book and he needed to expect that with the kid. When and only when Clay was ready to talk about his past, would he ask the kid the questions. They all had a past and if didn't want to share then he wasn't going to make him.

"It just questions Ray," Jason explained but he knew why Ray was giving him the disappointing look. He knew that he had pushed Clay a little too hard today and he had seen the repercussions of it when he saw how quiet Clay had gotten after his questions. He didn't want to cause the kid pain, that was the last thing he wanted to do but at the same time, he needed to protect him as well. What if this little trip back home caused Clay to relive some of those horrible memories that he had pushed deep down? What if Clay got worse and then came back to them as an empty shell? All those fears he knew weren't ration but at the same time, he couldn't help them. Clay was his kid and he needed to protect him, even from himself.

Ray paused for a moment and then remembered something. Something that had struck him as odd when it happened but thinking back it explained a lot. Both about Clay and their relationship.

"Don't you remember what Adam told us when we first drafted Clay?" Ray asked moving to the edge of his seat and placed his beer onto the coffee table. He needed to get Jason to open up quickly or he was going to have to call in the big guns to help him. And she wouldn't tiptoe around him. No. His wife was a force to be reckoned with when she wanted to be. But hopefully, remind Jason of what Adam had said to them the day they had drafted Clay onto Bravo.

Jason stopped and looked at Ray with complete shock. But then thought about Ray's words. And he felt his heartbreak once more, thinking of Adam always hurt. It was his fault that Adam had taken his place. But Ray had a point about Adam, as soon as he had made it known that he would be taken Clay, Adam had pulled both him and Ray aside to talk about their new teammate. Something that he had never done before. He had noticed a few days before the draft meeting that Adam had taken a keen interest in the kid.

Yes, he had taken Clay to let Brian's next of kin know of his death but that was only because he was listed as Brian Armstrong's authorized representative. But when they came back, Jason noticed the change in Adam. Something that he had not seen before, and then there was the fact that Adam seem to watch Clay a lot more closely than any other Green Team member. Some would have called it favouritism but Adam wasn't like that. There had to be a reason. He just didn't know what.

"Ray..." Jason started to say however Ray quickly cut him off.

"No, he told us that we couldn't push Clay into talking. The harder we push the quicker he will clam up." Ray said. He knew that talking or even thinking about Adam was painful for Jason but also for him. He missed him. God did he miss his brother, they all did. But thinking more closely at Adam's words, it made so much sense to them now. Adam had a better read on the kid in less than a few months than they did in the two years he had been with them. But that was Adam, he could read anyone. Sometimes it just took a little more time to understand them, Clay being one of them.

Jason understood what Ray was getting at, Adam and Clay got on so well that maybe he was a little jealous of it. Adam had also a such better read on the kid than he had, it was just so unfair that they had to lose Adam before he got a real chance to thank him for training Clay so well, for being there for him when he needed him to be.

"Don't you think it's odd that he didn't follow his friend into the Army when he came of age?" Jason asked after a few moments of silence between the pair. It had been a question that had been floating around inside his head when he found out that one of Clay's close friends was in the South African Army. He had no idea how old Clay was when he moved back to the States but he guessed that since his friend had chosen to go into the Army, wouldn't Clay have followed him?

"Not really, if he wanted to be a Seal," Ray said shrugging his shoulders. He didn't know where Jason was going with this but he had a feeling he knew why. Was Jason really worried about Clay leaving them? Because if it was then he had a completely new problem.

"But don't you think that it was more likely that they were interested in him?" Jason asked. Clay was extremely talented and was born to do this job and yet the South Africa Forces hadn't snatched him up. And more so when Clay had told them that his friend was in the forces.

Then Ray got it. Jason was worried about the fact that Clay was such a hell of an operator that it was silly to think the South Africa Army wouldn't take an interest in the kid. He was a natural sniper. He could even outshoot him when the conditions were right.

"Where's this going Jay?" Ray asked. Did Jason think that Clay's friend was trying to get him to join the SA Army? Because if he did then Ray was going to punch him. Any force would be lucky to have Clay within their ranks. But he wasn't in their ranks. He was in theirs. Clay was Navy through and through, and deep down Ray hoped he was right.

Jason sighed and downed the rest of his beer before putting it back down on the table. "Blackburn told me on the plane that Clay has asked for a week leave and that he is planning on heading back to South Africa," Jason said looking down at his hands.

Ray stopped and thought this over. So Clay was going away. Out of their line of sight. And now he understood why Jason was so stressed. They were losing Clay, not fully but in Jason's eyes they were.

"So?" Ray asked shaking his head. His brother was overthinking the whole thing and panicking about it. But he understood why. He didn't like the idea of Clay flying out of the country and away from them but at the same time if the doctors had given him the go-ahead and the Navy were happy with it, who were they to tell Clay no? "He is going to go and see an old friend and enjoy a week away from listening to Sonny complaining," He added. He guessed that Clay's friends had been the reason for the visit and he was also thankful that Clay at least wouldn't be alone over there. He would have people that he trusted looking out for him.

"Ray..." Jason moaned. He should have known that Ray would take Clay's side. The whole thing was a bad idea, he needed his 2IC's support, not him agreeing that it was a good idea.

"You're scared that he wouldn't come back, aren't you? Coz Jay, he will. He has so much for him here..." Ray explained and when Jason shot him a look that told him that Jason wasn't believing him he quickly added "...He has us, this family no matter how messed up it is, this job. Clay isn't ready to leave us just yet, you know that."

Jason nodded telling Ray that he understood him, Clay did have them. They were his family and one of the things he had learnt about the kid was that he never abandoned the family. Never.

"I know Clay wouldn't leave us, it's just I don't like the idea of him out there alone without one of us watching his back. Bad things happen to him when he isn't in my eye line." Jason explained. He knew that Ray more likely already knew all this but he had to explain himself. Ray was his soundboard. And a good one at that, which was why he was one hell of a 2IC to him.

"I get it, brother. I have the same feeling but he got to trust him." Ray said softly. He could see the tiredness in Jason's face.

"I'm going mad arent I?" Jason asked chuckling to himself. He couldn't think of the last time he felt this much worry about one of his men. Clay had changed him, that was for sure.

"Jury still out on that one," Ray said with a grin as he took a swig of his beer looking at Jason with a little cheeky glint in his eye. They all were mad. That was just part of the job, no one with a sane mind could do their job. Or if they did, it didn't last long.

"Thanks," Jason said pushing Ray's knee causing Ray to laugh out loud. And Jason couldn't help but follow. The pair laughed for a few minutes before they fell back into silence.

"Clay's been through a lot brother. Maybe this trip is going to let him recharge properly and not only working speed. By the time he gets back, he'll be ready to take his re-quals." Ray said looking at Jason with a soft smile.

Jason knew Ray was right. This trip would tie in with his recovery and when he returned it would allow him three more days training before he could take his re-quals as long as nothing else went wrong. But then he remembered what Trent had said about Clay's condition. Yes, Clay had been given mostly the all-clear but there were things that still could go wrong. His chest was always a worry, he could catch a chest infection very easily and the thought that that infection could turn into pneumonia scared him. It was the last thing the kid needed was another step back. He just hoped that he would be ok.

"Then just let him go," Ray added nodding his head, telling Jason that it was ok. That Clay was going to be ok.

"Harder said than done," Jason whispered shaking his head. Letting Clay go was something he never wanted to do again, he had seen him carried through the corridor of HMS Dragon pale as anything before he was taken into a room where he was told he couldn't enter. He remembered the fear of thinking that that would be the last time he saw Clay alive. He never wanted to feel that again. The horror of not knowing. He had felt more in the last two years than he had in a long time. Waiting in the hospital trying to find Alana, seeing Clay blown up in that street and then watching both Trent, Archie and then later the Royal Navy Doctors work so hard to save Clay. He didn't know how many more he could take. Each one destroyed him a little more.

"That's life brother," Ray sighed and he was right. This was the life they chose. And it was the life that Clay had chosen. He needed to trust his men, his brothers like he did before. But more importantly, he needed to support Clay, he couldn't lose the kid's trust. Never. Because he knew that if he did it would finish him. Once and for all.


	46. Little Holiday

Chapter Forty-Six

After his long conversation with Ray and a pack of beer later, Jason actually felt a little bit better about the whole situation. He still wasn't happy about the whole idea of Clay leaving them to send a week away in another country. But at the same time, it wasn't all about him. If this was what Clay needed then he was all for it. But that didn't mean he was happy about the idea of Clay leaving the safety of Base and Bravo. However, Jason knew that Clay was still suffering from flashbacks from drowning in that hull,

Clay had been through a lot, that was for sure and he was still suffering the aftereffects of it all even though he didn't like to admit it to any of them. If seeing his old friend helped him deal with one or two of his issues that he couldn't bring himself to come to them about then he was all for it. He wanted his kid back, sometimes when they were all together and joking around, he could see little glimpses of the old Clay however that would quickly fade and his mask would appear again.

When the kid's mask was on it was almost impossible to work out what the kid was feeling. Sometimes they joked that kid's mask was glued to his face, a joke that now he wished hadn't been so true. He could read more in Full Metal's face than he could Clay at times. He knew that the kid's issue was all down to his trust issues. Issues that he guessed stemmed from the kid's painful childhood. There were a few times in the past that Jason really wanted to sit the kid down and get him to talk to him about what had happened back in Africa or, and he wasn't proud of himself, get Mandy to run some background checks on Clay's past. He hated even thinking about how much that act would betray all of his trust that he had with the kid and had been the reason why he hadn't done it.

Over the next week, he had been thinking all about Clay's trip and how the team was going to react to the news. He had a feeling that out of all of them, Sonny and Trent were the ones that he had to watch when it finally did come out. Sonny, because the kid had lied to them and kept something a secret from them which in his mind was a big no-no. And Trent because it didn't matter how normal their cool-headed medic was; when it came down to an injured brother leaving his sight then he could be as scary as Sonny. However, Jason knew that the real reason why Trent wouldn't be happy about this trip was because if anything happened to Clay over there then it would be someone else looking after him. Trent cared about his brothers and Clay was no expectation.

As the date to Clay's trip grew closer, Jason had started to become scared that he would have to be the one to bring it up with them. He knew that Clay may hate him for it but he couldn't just let the kid get up and leave without explaining himself first. But thankfully for him, he didn't need to worry about it for too much longer. On the Friday, a week before Clay was due to fly when they were all in the cages, Clay made the announcement. The kid didn't give them much detail into what he was doing or who he was going to be with when he told them. Really all he told them was that he was spending a week in South Africa with a friend.

That had gone down like a lead balloon with Sonny. He loved his brother, but sometimes he wished Sonny would think before he opened his mouth. His rant only lasted three minutes before Cerberus told him off for them. Their four-legged brother snarled and showed his teeth before growling loudly. Even Brock got a little worried that his brother would actually attack Sonny. He wouldn't even more when Brock had called him off. Only when Clay had bent down to touch the fur between Cerb's shoulder blades did their pup start to calm down.

Trent hadn't been happy with the idea either however held his tongue which had been a shock to him. Instead, Trent threw out some grown rules that Clay had to follow including continuing with his physio and training. And telling him that he was going to sort out a medkit for him to take with some of the medication that he had been on so he had them in case he needed them. Clay had smiled and nodded a thanks to him.

Jason remembered Clay turning to look at him, but the kid didn't meet his eye. He reminded him so much of Mikey when he knew that he had done something wrong and was so worried about the telling off he was going to get from him. However, he did no such thing. Ray had been right, he needed to let Clay handle things on his own and if a trip to help clear his head was what he needed then he gave his blessing. But had pointed out that he would be the one to take him to the airport. No arguments.

And that was that.

On the day of Clay's fight, Jason could feel the butterflies in his stomach all over again. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all.

What if Clay got hurt? What if he felt more at home back in Africa than he did back here? What if he got offered a better job out there? What if he...what if he met someone out there and chose to stay?

He knew that he was been stupid and that Clay wasn't like that. That the kid was coming back to them no matter what happened. This was his home and Bravo was his family. The one thing that he knew truthfully about the kid was that the kid took family very seriously, it was something that Adam had found and during dinner that he had with his fallen brother when Clay had still been in Green Team. Adam had been as pushy as Ray about him taking on the kid. At that particular dinner, Adam had laid into him as they ate. Victoria and Alana had grinned like Cheshire cats throughout the whole thing.

In that dinner, Jason couldn't help but see that Adam already cared a lot about the kid which was a little weird. Normally Adam never got close to any of the members of Green Team. He complained about them sure, they all did. But Clay was different. Everyone could see it and Adam was no different. But Jason hadn't noticed it fully till after Armstrong's death. Then he noticed how close Adam was keeping Clay. It was like Adam had become like a second father to the kid. Which explained why Clay still carried the pain of losing Adam, maybe even a little bit more than he did.

When he arrived outside of Clay's apartment, he was shocked to see Clay already stood outside talking to a woman that he didn't recognise at first but as he pulled up right next to them he did. Clay had been in what looked like a long and deep conversation with Trish, Derek's other half. Whatever their conversation was they immediately stopped when they saw him pull up. That worried him.

Clay quickly placed his bags into the car and thanked Trish for whatever she agreed to do and then climbed into the vehicle. They made little small talk as they pulled out of the car park before heading towards the airport. On the way, they pretty much travelled in silence. Jason really wanted to question Clay about what he had planned on his trip but mainly he wanted to see if he could get it out of kid why he felt like he had to leave the country.

As they pulled into the parking spot outside the airport, Jason felt like his heart was about to jump out of the mouth as they sat in silence. He wanted so badly for Clay to finally admit to him what really was wrong but he had a feeling and from the look on Clay's face, he wasn't going to get it right now. Clearly Clay wasn't ready to talk so he wasn't going to try.

With a sigh, Jason spoke breaking the silence. "I'll be here on Sunday to pick you up when you land." He had already made Mandy check for him the time and plane number Clay was going to be on when he came home. He had also asked her to see if she could work her magic and keep a track on Clay's phone and movements for him.

Clay turned to look at Jason and smiled softly before shaking his head. He loved his brothers but sometimes he felt like they treated him like a child. He could look after himself, yes he had been hurt a lot lately but that was hardly his fault. "I can catch a cab," He mentioned, he had planned on just catching a cab when he got back so he didn't need to bother someone.

"Nope I'm picking you up," Jason answered sternly as he shook his head at the idea of letting Clay get a cab from the airport. Picking him up did two things for them. One said Clay some money on paying for that Cab ride and two allowed him to see Clay himself the second he got off the plane to make sure that he still was in one piece.

"And if Bravo is spun up?" Clay asked innocently. Just because he wasn't allowed to operator didn't mean Bravo couldn't be spun up still. And there was a real possibility that Bravo would be needed meaning that he would have to make his own way home.

Jason shrugged his shoulders and then added knowing that Clay was just looking for a way out. "Then I'll get someone from Alpha or their support to pick you up." Full Metal might have to join them on the mission to make up their numbers but he knew that if he asked Derek or any of Alpha then they would happily help him out. And, god forbid, they needed Alpha as well then there was always Alpha's support tea. Two of them, Bill and Connor, were already friends of Clay's and he knew that if he asked them, they would happily pick Clay up. The plane wasn't big enough for both teams and their support teams.

"I can make my own way you know," Clay groaned, allowing his head to fall against the headrest. He wished they would stop this and let him be normal again.

"Clay, you're not going to win this," Jason said turning in his seat to look at Clay but leaving one hand on the steering wheel. Clay wasn't going to win this argument, not by a long shot. This was happening whether he liked it or not. Someone from base was collecting him and he was going to accept it.

"I can see that," Clay muttered as he rested his head against the cold window.

"Then stop arguing with me," Jason said shaking his head. He understood why Clay was annoyed at them for being so overbearing with him but he couldn't help it. He was still having nightmares of seeing Clay floating in the flooded hull pale and cold. That image was hard to get rid of. And he knew that he wasn't the only one that was having them.

He knew that Naima and Ray were dealing with their own nightmares. Naima because she had to see Ray ride out his own nightmares. But also because she had to help Clay in the hospital when he wore up screaming from his own nightmares. Trent had spoken looked to Amber as his soundboard a lot recently and Brock had been dealing with his own by running Cerberus.

Sonny, however, was dealing it with it like he normally did. Drinking and partying as normal. Thankfully Lisa had helped a lot by controlling Sonny a little. However, she had work to do so he was left alone which ended in him getting a phone call from the bartender at their local bar telling him that Sonny had passed out in one of the booths.

"I know you said you were ok with me going but are you?" Clay asked looking at Jason, trying to work out what was going on with his boss. At times Jason was so supportive of his choices but then he would do things that made him think that Jason was just doing it to make him happy. Was he actually ok with him going to see his friend? Or was it just an act?

Jason sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. He should have known that the kid would work some of it out on his own. Was he happy? No, but once again this wasn't about him. Clay needed this.

"Am I happy that you'll be in another country?" Jason asked looking at Clay full on. He needed to get this through to the kid now before he left. "No," Jason added and he could physically see the hurt in Clay's face as he spoke but he didn't allow Clay to jump so he kept going. "That you'll be out of my line of sight? No. But do I think this will do you some good?" For this one he allowed his face to soften a little, he needed to get the kid to understand that he thought that the whole idea was going to do him some good. "Yes," He added as he gripped hold of Clay's shoulder and gave it a little squeeze.

Clay could feel his emotions start to come to the surface a little more than normal. He knew why Jason was worried because to be fair he was too. He had no idea what was going to happen when he met up with Marius but he knew that he needed to see do something different. Ever since he got his memories back all he saw was the same things. The hospital, Jason's place, Base, his apartment, the gym, physio room and the cages. He needed to clear his head properly and he couldn't do that here.

"Thanks," Clay said softly and smiled at Jason. He needed this and since Jason was agreeing with him then he knew that he was making the right choice.

"But I mean it, kid, if you don't report in when you're meant to, we are going to get you," Jason added given Clay a stern look that told him that he meant every word.

"Copy that." Clay automatically said.

"Good. Got everything?" Jason then asked. He remembered that Clay only had with him, his backpack and a medium size bag. Nothing too big or what told him about what Clay was planning on doing once he landed.

"Yes," Clay nodded, he had ran through his checklist before he left his apartment. He knew that he had everything with him that he needed, well all expect his gun but he couldn't take that on the flight. He knew all fine well that South Africa might be his home but it was as dangerous as it ever was. Even in the Capital, violence was never too far away. However, he knew that he whatever he faced, he could handle it and he had a strange feeling that Marius would more likely be armed when he picked him up.

"Sure?" Jason asked he needed to make sure that the kid had everything before he left. They didn't have Lisa or any of the support team who were legendary at making sure they had everything with them when they deployed for Clay's personal mission. So he had to trust that Clay had thought of everything.

Clay sighed softly but had a feeling Jason had caught it before starting the long list that he had stored in his head. "Passport. Check. Tickets and boarding pass. Check. Cash and emergency card. Check. Clothes for the week. Check. Small travel med kit that Trent created. Check. Satphone with base, Bravos and the U.S Embassy's contact information programmed into it. Check." The last two he gave Jason the look that he was not at all pleased with. He knew that his brothers were worried about him but this was a little over the top. Marius lived right next to the base, and the neighbour was full of forces personal. And he was a Tier One Navy Seal. He could look after himself, they needed to remember that.

"Good," Jason said nodding his head. He also made a little reminder to thank Blackburn for the Satphone. Eric had come through for them in getting Clay it. Also with all their numbers security entered into it just in case Clay needed them.

"Don't you think you're all gone a little overboard about all of this," Clay said shaking his head as he remembered the lector he had gotten the night before. If he hadn't already gotten a headache from the training session then he would have gotten one from that.

"No," Jason said shrugging his shoulders. Of course, they hadn't gone overboard. Well, maybe a little but he wasn't going to tell Clay that.

"Sure? Coz I think you have," Clay said as he leant against the window again. He knew that he must sound so childish but he didn't care.

"You're flying a civilian airline, aren't you? If we really went overboard we would be dropping you off ourselves." Jason pointed out. To be fair he hadn't been thrilled at the idea of Clay travelling in a civilian plane but there really wasn't much he could do about it. There was no mission or other military transport that was heading that way and it would cost the Navy and even the Air Force too much money to divert a plane to drop the kid off.

"Point taken," Clay nodded, he was so surprised that Bravo was letting them say anything else about it.

"Anyway, Blackburn asked and the brass wouldn't sign off on it," Jason added with a small grin at the shock on Clay's face as he said it. Blackburn had asked to see if they could use their C-17 to take Clay but Harrington couldn't get the upper brass to sign off on it. They weren't needed in Africa so they were no reason for them to send them.

"Unbelievable," Clay groaned as he fell back into his seat and crossed his arms. Why couldn't his brothers just trust him?

"Can you blame us? Kid, you've got a nasty habit of finding trouble." Jason said, and Clay was almost certain that Jason had just read his mind. But at the same time, Jason understood Clay's stress. They were still treating him like they had when he was first brought home. Clay couldn't do anything to change that, they had too. But his statement was also not completely incorrect. The kid had a knack for finding trouble.

"In my defence, it normally finds me," Clay said innocently. He had to agree with Jason on that front, he was normally the one that found trouble but he never went out looking for it. But at the same time, he was glad that it was normally him and not one of his brothers. He had to protect them, they were his family and always would be. He didn't mind getting hurt if it meant he could spare one of his brothers the pain.

Jason paused for a second and smiled softly as he spoke but he made sure that Clay could also hear the concern in his voice as he did so. "I know kid. Look promise me you'll take care of yourself." He knew that he needed to let the kid go, but at the same time, he couldn't get rid of that sticking feeling that something was going to go wrong and he would lose the kid for good. Something that he couldn't do.

"I will," Clay said and made sure that he allowed the power in his voice telling Jason that he meant what he said. He knew that Jason was only worried about him, worried about what he was going to be doing. Worried about if something were to happen, which it wouldn't, that he couldn't be right there for him. Clay knew that Jason was blaming himself still for what happened to him even though he had no knowledge of the mission, his team leader couldn't get rid of that guilt that he had.

"I mean it, Clay. I don't want to get a call from your buddy telling me you're in hospital or..." Jason said now really telling Clay that he meant what he said. He wasn't afraid to get on a flight to kick his ass if he didn't follow orders.

"I'll be fine," Clay answered cutting Jason off. He couldn't promise that something wouldn't happen as he had no control over what others did and he knew that Jason knew that. But he could at least try for his families' sake.

"Good," Jason commented as he nodded but then thought back to what Clay had already mentioned about his trip, which wasn't a lot. "So got any plans on this little trip?" He asked.

"Yer." Clay said nodding his head, he was really looking forward to seeing Marius and even go see a few other close friends whilst he was there but mainly to see the country that was his home for so many years. "Me and Marius are going to do some hiking, maybe some sailing and really just catching up on things. He's got the week off too so it will be fun." He added. Marius had already planned three of his seven days trip for him. Marius had a beautiful Lavranos 43 that he had gotten from his uncle when he died. Clay had been out on it a few times with them when he was alive and had even helped Marius work on her before he left.

"Marius is your friend in the South African Army right?" Jason asked carefully. He knew that Clay was staying with one of his old friends but he hadn't remembered if Clay had given him a name.

"Yer. Why?" Clay asked, not sure why Jason cared about Marius' name.

"Just asking," Jason explained but made a little quick mental note to ask Mandy to see if she could find out anything about Clay's friend. He knew that he was messing with Clay's business but he couldn't help it. Clay was his kid after all and he needed to make sure he was safe.

"Ok..." Clay said but then looked down at his watch and saw the time. "I better go and check-in then." He had a good few hours before the flight took off but he had to be there to check in a few hours before it. He was scared and excited all at the same time.

"Ok," Jason said as they both climbed out of the truck, Jason meet Clay on the path as he pulled out his bag from the back seat. "Remember to call me when you land and then when you settle in." He said giving Clay one more look over before nodding his head. He had the same anxiety that he had when he had dropped Emma off at College for the first time. The fear of not knowing if they were going to be ok, that they would be happy.

"I know," Clay said remembering that he needed to call Jay four times on the day he landed. Once as he got there, one when he got to Marius, one after he had eaten (mainly for Trent's wellbeing) and the last was before he went to bed. He knew that it was silly but if it helped his brothers sleep then he was going to do it.

"Good," Jason said nodded but then he stopped and before he or Clay knew it Jason pulled Clay into a hug. He needed it. They both did, and he knew that as Clay returned the hug. After a moment the two men let go of each other and moved away. Jason cleared his throat as Clay picked up his bags. "Have fun kid," Jason said as Clay moved to head into the airport.

"Thanks Jas," Clay said as he moved through the doors, leaving Jason there alone. But he couldn't help but look back giving Jason a small smile before he disappeared into the busy airport.

Jason stood there watching Clay carefully and he didn't really make a move until he had lost sight of the kid before getting back into his truck, the kid was going to be fine. Right? No. He was. He was going to be fine.


	47. Cracks in the Dam

Chapter Forty-Seven

The flight from the US to Cape Town had been quieter than he thought it would be. It was packed and there wasn't a spare seat in sight but that was common for the flight. When he had brought his ticket he had made sure that he had booked a seat somewhere at the back of the plane as he didn't really want to be disturbed. Normally he didn't mind a nice chat with the air hostesses on a long flight but this wasn't the time for that. He was tired and just wanted to be left alone. Thankfully Marius lived alone so he could just lock himself away when he needed to be. He loved his brothers he did but sometimes he felt like they were suffocating him.

On the flight, he could help himself but watch many of his fellow passengers. Part of that was his self-preservation maybe but also he liked seeing people go around with their normal life without ever knowing the pain others had to go through in order for them to live a normal safe life. Sometimes he envied them, they had no idea the pain they suffered in order to keep them safe. The brothers they lost. They had no idea. But at the same time, if people could live a normal life then they were doing their job. The war hadn't come home...not yet anyway. But then again it had. Inside them. PTSD was one of the biggest killers of servicemen and women, he had seen it with Swanny. Yes maybe TBI had been also involved but he knew that Swanny had also suffered from survivors guilt. And sometimes he got why Swanny did what he did. The pain he still felt inside of him sometimes made him think that was it all worth it?

Another thing that was different about this flight was that sleep seemed to have abandoned. No matter what he tried he couldn't sleep. He couldn't shut the little voice inside his head off. He had hoped to forget all his troubles for the week and just enjoy being alive but he had a feeling that that wasn't going to happen. One of the voices that he knew well that was spinning around in his head was Jason's. The conversation that they had had in the truck and the night before was still stirring with his emotions and his thoughts. He knew that Jason really wasn't happy about him taking off to South Africa so suddenly. He knew that some of them thought he was running and to be truthful to himself he was. He might have grown up in a different part of Africa but South Africa was somewhere that he always called home. But he had wished that his Grandfather could have been with them when they moved. He had better than friends there as well, like Bravo, they were his brothers. In Cape Town, he had really become the person he was today.

When things started to get too much for him, and it didn't matter that he was so close to being able to go back to full duty. Things just started to get to him. Did he want to still do this? That had been the question that had been plaguing him from the moment he remembered everything. Did he really want to go back to that life after everything that had happened? He knew that there were other options for him, he knew that his mates offer still stood. A job where he didn't get shot at, blown up, tortured and losing brothers. Was this all his life meant to be? Was that it?

His dream was for him to be the best, to show that he had what it took to be named a Tier One Operator. To be better than anyone else. To be better than Ash. Did he join the Navy so he could be better than Ash? To achieve more than him, be better in every possible way. But was that really him? He had never thought about it before but had he really set his life up to show the Navy, the Seals, DEVGRU and more importantly himself that he was better than his father. That he was nothing like the man that he shared half of his DNA with. For so long had he really convinced himself that he could do nothing else, that he wanted nothing else. That his life was that of a sailor and a Seal.

Thinking back to his time in Africa, he remembered that when he was young he never wanted to be a soldier. In fact, he had promised himself that he would never become one. As a child, he had seen so much death. Growing up in a war zone had really shaped him into the man he was today and he knew it. The pain and suffering he saw had caused him to break more than once. Anyone would. And after a really bad day, he had told his Grandfather that he would never become a soldier. To be the reason for someone else's pain scared him to his very core. His Grandfather had held him as he cried until his tears ran dry. The man who was very much the only father he had then told him that it didn't matter what he did in life as God had a plan for them all. And all he needed to do was to keep his faith and trust that God knew what he was doing. His Grandfather had so much faith that sometimes he thought that maybe he could hear God. But then again he was only a child back then. Times changed. He changed. His faith had abandoned him long ago.

He had hardened just like the world had, it didn't matter who someone was, if they were in someone's way then they were killed. He had seen the bodies of men, woman and children. Some of them strangers but some were friends. Litter the pathways and the rivers and sometimes even the road. Many civilians but sometimes he spotted the familiar sign of a soldier left to rot. His Grandparents had done their best to try to shield him from the horrors when they travelled but Clay knew better. He was living in a warzone after all and that meant only death. But there were little shreds of light in that darkness, however. Often on the travels, he would see people dig graves for the dead. He would also see them pray for their souls as they covered them with soil. There still was some good in the world. That was a line that his Grandmother lived by. And Clay had seen it, there were truly some good people in the world however most of the time the bad often outweighed the good. He could list the number of old friends that were still alive on one hand now. Many he had lost a long time ago. But he still remembered their faces and their names. They all haunted him but one in particular still haunted his dreams nearly every night in some shape or form.

A boy only a few years older than him but someone who he was as a friend had been the one that he could not forget. His name was William. He had become an older brother him, even taught him how to climb the biggest of trees and how to climb the rock faces without falling. He lived in the next village to them but often would make the half an hour walk to the river so they could play in the water. The area was meant to be safe. But one day he stopped showing up and after a week everyone feared the worse. The local authorities hadn't done much, they were soldiers tried of fighting a losing war with the rebels. Clay had heard the comment of that William had run off to the city to live or maybe had killed in an accident but Clay knew that that wasn't right. William had promised him that he would be back for him and they would explore more of the caves along the river. William had always kept his promises.

Both villages searched for days and sometimes through the night but they had found no sign of him. Willow had even gone off on his own but had returned empty-handed.

A week later they finally found out what had happened to his friend. He had found him. And it that moment he knew his Grandmother was right. There was evil out there. But at the same time she was wrong, evil wasn't out there it was all around him.

His friend's broken and bloody body in a small ravine that they use to play in. His dead eyes, he could still see today. He was partly in the water, the clear scream that ran through it was strained pink with his friend's blood.

His Grandfather and Willow had heard his screams. The scene had even shocked them, William's body had been thrown from he told and left broken on the rocks. Willow had ordered his Grandfather to take him back to their home but Clay hadn't wanted to go. He didn't want to leave his friend again. He had been one of the last people to see him so he didn't feel right leaving him now. He knew that he was dead. His throat had been ripped open by some kind of blade but he still didn't want to go. However, Willow had been stern with him. The older man, not a native of Africa but a man who knew the demons that were around, told him that he would stay with his friend as long as he did what he was asked. Willow had never lied to Clay before and Clay knew that he wouldn't so he went back. Nightmares then plagued him for over a month after.

The only good thing that had come out of it was that they could at least say goodbye to Willow properly. They could bury him right. He could say goodbye.

In the weeks that followed he could feel Willow's eyes on him, and from that day he had started his training. He knew that Willow had once been a soldier and carried a sniper rifle wherever he went. Clay knew why Willow had started to train him, with his Grandparent's blessing as well. William had been kidnapped and that had strung a fear into every adult's heart. They knew that the rebels had done it and they had no idea where they were to attack next? Which child they would take? Willow had sworn to him after he had found out the true extent of Willows injuries that no one would ever touch him as long as he was alive. William had been beaten, starved, shot and raped before they had finally cut his throat. Clay had asked Willow one night if they were going to do it again. He remembered seeing the anger and pain in Willow's eyes as he told him that he would make sure that he was safe as he hugged him tightly. And that he would never suffer the same fate as William.

Clay was broken from his train of thought by the voice of their Captian, informing them all that they were about to land. To be truthful Clay was thankful for the break from his own mind. But he also had a feeling that he had gone pale thinking about his old friend. Rubbing the memories from his eyes, Clay felt every bump as the plane landed on the runway. He knew that Marius was more likely already waiting for him at the gate, and since he still held citizenship here, he didn't need to worry about going through immigration. But sadly that meant he didn't have a lot of time to get his head sorted out before Marius saw him.

He loved his brother, that was what Marius was to him. A brother. Three years after he lost William, Marius and his family had joined to help the missionary. His mother Mary had been a school teacher and during the holidays they had started to come out so she could teach the kids on the villages. Thankfully for them, they hadn't been there the day they had been attacked. His Grandmother along with Marius' father had taken his mother to hospital after she had collapsed. Clay also knew what had caused the collapse without even been told, he had heard Mary break the news to his Grandparents one night that she had cancer and that they couldn't treat it. She said it so bravely but she knew that she was going to die. But she had made her peace with it.

And thankfully for Mary's collapse, they hadn't been there when they were attacked. No. They were saved the horror of watching people who were their friends shot and hunted down like animals. Or see his Grandfather killed in the way he was. Or from seeing him hide underneath the body of a friend who had tried to protect him at the cost of his own life. No. They only heard about the attack afterwards. Clay had been lying there for a few hours, unable to get free of the man's body who had given his life protecting him. He knew he couldn't call out or scream for help with the worry that the rebels were still there. He couldn't see much but he could still see his Grandfather's lifeless body just lying a few feet away. He had really given up hope that anyone was coming to save him and only hoped that he would soon join his Grandfather. He could still feel the drips of blood from the body of the man that he knew as a friend drip down onto him. As well as his own blood as it soaked into the dirt below him. He had wanted to die. Begged for it.

But Willow had come for him. He had been away for a few days but had promised Clay that he would be back. That he would come back for him, and he had. But Clay had a feeling that he hadn't expected to come back to the carnage that was once his home. The next few days were a complete blank to him, but when Marius had been allowed to visit him in his hospital bed he had told him that Willow had found him and brought him to hospital for treatment. Willow hadn't left his side until he was certain that he was ok. Sadly some of the rounds that he killed the man protecting him had been a through and through. Thankfully it hadn't hit anything major but he had suffered from blood loss and given multiple antibiotics to make sure he didn't pick up an infection.

They never returned back to the village. Instead, his Grandmother had moved them to South Africa along with Marius and his family. And he had to start a new life all over again. He had seen Willow on occasion but Clay could tell that the man was haunted at what he had seen, he didn't act differently to him. To him, he was the same man that he saw as a second father, the man who taught him to shoot with his rifle that he never allowed anyone else to touch. A man who had trained him to fight. Someone who he wanted to be as strong as when he was older but at the same time, he knew that Willow wasn't about to let the men who had nearly killed him and had actually kill his Grandfather live. He had asked Clay to describe the man who had wheeled the blade that had killed him. A face that Clay couldn't forget before leaving. He then didn't see his second father for three years before he came back to him with the news that he was glad to hear. The man who had killed his Grandfather, the man who had raised him from a baby was dead. He didn't need nor what details. He just hugged Willow and thanked him.

He missed Willow. He did. Willow had disappeared when he had turned sixteen and no one had heard anything from the man since then. However, Clay knew that the man was still alive, well hoped was more of a word. But he would often see signs of him when he read a story about a sniper killing rebels. And at the sniper's hide, a single black feather was left. Willow's call sign. He knew that the man who trained him was still out there, he just had no idea how to find him.

His train of thought was broken by the sound of the Captain's voice over the PA system informing them that they were about to land. He couldn't believe he had been awake from the whole flight. He felt the plane start the descent, but he couldn't focus on that anymore. What he needed to focus on was his breathing. He knew that with all the memories of his childhood he had gone a good pale colour, something that he had to correct before he met up with Marius. He knew that his brother would be watching for him at the gate and since he still held his citizenship with South Africa he didn't need to to worry about going through immigration. But that meant he could really get straight through so he needed to sort himself out before his brother attacked him with what was going on with him.

One of the ways that he chose to waste time was to let everyone else disembark before leaving the plane himself. As he stepped out on the steps, he looked out at the country before him. He immediately felt like he was home. It was strange. He never felt like this in the US, maybe South Africa was his true home. He shook the idea out of his head, he knew that he had to return to the US at the end of the week but there was part of him that thought that maybe it wouldn't be so bad than to ask for a years leave. Getaway from everything for a while and see if he could make it away from the Navy. He had enough saving to do that but then his family came to mind. His Bravo family. He couldn't just get up and leave. Not anymore. He had a family with Bravo and he didn't know if or he could say goodbye to them.

As he slowly made his way through the airport he found himself feeling similar feelings to what he had when he had said goodbye to the country the last time. Leaving to return to the States with his ill Grandmother, having to say goodbye to everything he knew. When he had first got to the States, it was like being in an alien world. Nothing made sense to him but thankfully he had learnt quickly. It wasn't home but he made it do. He remembered the first full day he had just walking around trying to get used to everything. But the first thing that made him realise that he was home was after a couple of months he lost his South Africa accent, he could still do it but he found himself speaking more and more like the people around him. Thankfully he had a knack for picking up accents and copying them, it was the same as learning a new language. Anything so he wouldn't be classed as the odd guy with the weird accent.

As he moved through the gate, his eyes quickly picked out Marius in the small crowd. His brother was changed but not majorly. Marius was a little taller than him but a little bit more boarder in the shoulders. He also was a lot more tanned than ever before. However, Clay could see that, like him, Marius bore the scars of their line of work. His brother had a scar that ran down the left side of his temple cross to his eye. He remembered reading Marius email which told him how it had happened. A mortar had gone off close to him and he had been hit with shrapnel. Thankfully he had been wearing glasses which in turn had saved his eye. But it had been a close call.

The two embraced and in that moment Clay felt like he was dragged back to the day he left. He always felt safer with Marius, his friend had always been the biggest out of their group of friends and when pissed the scariest. Marius had taken both of his bags off him the moment they got to the car, reminding him that he could kick his ass if he argued with him. To be fair, now, it would be more of an even fight since he had put on a lot more muscle and strength since their last play fight but Marius had one thing that topped him, he knew his weakness. He was ticklish on his right side. A weakness that he took full advantage of when he wanted too.

They pretty much drove in silence as they moved through the dark streets, really Clay had no idea what time it was or which day it was here. He knew that he should really check but he was too god damn tired too. And Marius could see that, his older brother had turned the heating up a little bit, not majorly but enough to keep him comfortable. Clay was actually thankful for it, he could feel his body start to relax as he leant back into his seat. He couldn't stop himself but watching the streets that he used to know so well passed him by.

Marius house was small, but the right size for his bachelor lifestyle. It was a two-bedroom house only a short drive to the base. A small yard and a garage to which Clay knew he had a collection of vintage motorcycles that would even cause Sonny to go red. Marius' collection had started as soon as he had been able to drive. His father had started the collection but Marius had continued it.

"Welcome to my humble home," Marius said as he opened his front door. The moment his eyes fell on his little brother he knew strange away that something was seriously wrong with his little brother. He could read Clay better than anyone, the brother who he had said goodbye too all those years ago wasn't the same man who greeted him.

He moved inside and placed Clay's bags onto his couch. He had already set up his spare room which had really become his dumping ground until of course, he got Clay's phone call. He could read the tension and pain in Clay's voice when they spoke last. He, of course, knew about him getting hurt in the bombing in Manila. At the time when the news broke about the bombing, he had no idea anyone other than civil had been injured. However, a few days later, word had gone from the Special Forces Community that at least three of their own had been hurt in that attack. He had prayed that Clay, his little brother, hadn't been there. That he had been safe at home or off on another mission. But he had been wrong.

Getting a text from Clay telling him that he was in the hospital after getting hit by the second blast and could possibly lose both of his legs. Hearing those words nearly broke him. Hearing that Clay had damaged both femoral nerves in both of his legs caused him to speak to his med on his own team to find out what the injury would mean for Clay's future. But he hadn't gotten the news he had wanted to hear, his med had told him that that injury was a hearing that he had made sure that he was available for whenever Clay needed him. It didn't matter what time of day it was, he was there if Clay needed him. And he had been needed. Clay had called him more than once. Marius had never meet Clay's team but he knew that his brother saw them as family and he knew that if they could then they would be right at Clay's bedside telling him everything he was. He so desperately wanted to be there for his brother but he couldn't. He knew that the brass would have allowed him time off to be there for Clay but in the end, he would have to be the one that leave when the time came. And he had a feeling that that was something he couldn't do.

But he couldn't think about the past anymore, he couldn't change it. All he could do was be there for Clay right now like he was before but at least this time he could physically touch the kid, hug him when he needed it or slap him in the back of the head when he was pushing it or believing in someone else words and not in himself.

Clay followed Marius into the house and closed the door behind him. The place was clean and nicely made up, but it was clearly not a permanent home. That was the nature of their jobs, always on the move. When Marius had first enlisted in the South African Army, Clay had thought about following him but by then his mind was already made up, he was going to become a Seal and change things. He had heard about the hatred that the Seals had felt about Ash and he was determined to prove to them that he was not his father's son. That he was so much better than that. Throughout BUDs he often found himself regretting that he hadn't returned to Africa and joined him. But then again he wasn't one to quit. And he had done it, he had proven everyone wrong.

During their normal conversations, Clay had learned that Marius had also done well for himself. Even making it into the SAS. And he hadn't been the only one. His other two friends had done the same, Marius had joked that he felt once again like the parent of the group. He had joked when they were teenagers that he had been the parent, the more responsible one of their little gang. A role that Clay knew hadn't gone away. And that was visible in Marius' home. It was spotless but maybe a little too spotless. Marius had one weakness and that was he often tried to do too many things at once. He remembered seeing his room as a kid, his bed would be made and clothes put away but then again there would be books everywhere were he had put it down but then not gone back to it.

"Didn't expect it to be so clean," Clay said with a small smile. He missed messing with Marius, it had been too long since they had been together and he knew that it was particularly his fault.

Marius turned and smirked back at Clay, god did the miss this kid. However, Marius knew that Clay's mask was tightly on his face but at the same time he could see that just the weight of the mask was getting to Clay. He knew from past experiences that it wouldn't take long before the mask completely slipped and the true pain that he knew was just underneath it could show.

He knew though that Clay wasn't ready just yet, so instead of calling Clay out on it, he just shook his head before moving to lock the front door but not before he smacked Clay over the head before making sure everything was secure.

"Ow," Clay said rubbing where Marius had clipped him one. He knew that Marius hadn't done it to hurt him

"You deserve that." He said as he moved past Clay and headed to the kitchen and opened the fridge. He knew that Clay was watching him as he moved around his home but at the same time, he saw that something else had caught his little brother's eye. Pictures that lined the fireplace. Photos of his family as well as his adopted family. One of which he knew Clay had clocked from the moment he had entered the room. A photo of himself, Clay and Willow sat under the waterfall. It had been his favourite photo of them. "Want a beer?" He called back.

Clay had been too caught up in the photo to hear Marius question. He had remembered Marius' father taking the photo that day, it had been one of the day he liked to remember about his time in Africa. Willow had taught him to shoot from behind the waterfall that day. A shot that he didn't even know was possible. But it was. Willow was the best shot he had ever meet, he couldn't be beaten by anyone. He didn't even notice Marius till he was stood next to him holding out the beer. "Sure why not?" He said as he held out his hand to take the beer.

But Marius pulled it back and looked Clay up and down before asking the question that would determine if he was letting his little brother drink with him. "You off all the meds?"

Clay sighed, it was like Trent was in the room with him. He knew that Marius was only looking out for him but it still drove him crazy that everyone believed that he couldn't take care of himself. Yes, he had been doing a piss poor job of it lately but that wasn't his fault. Not completely. "Yes mother," He said snatching the beer out of Marius had before taking a mouth full of the cold liquid. He missed this. Having a drink with Marius.

The pair then move to sit down on the couch, Marius looked hurt by the mother joke but then quickly came back with a phrase that he remember Clay's Grandmother say to them both a hundred times when they were younger. "Hey, mister any more attitude from you and you'll go to bed without any supper," He made sure that he even gave Clay the finger to remind Clay of the telling off they had gotten so many times as kids. He knew that even thinking about his Grandparents was painful for Clay but he had to remind him that there were also good memories. And they were worth remembering.

"Ha. So that means both of us then," Clay laughed at the memory. To be truthful to themselves they had been as bad as each other growing up. Always off exploring something new and often getting into trouble.

"Hey I was always the good one," Marius argued with a smile. He knew that his statement wasn't a hundred per cent true but he couldn't help but remind Clay of all the trouble they got up to together.

"Yer..." Clay said leaning forward and shaking his head before reminding Marius of a little incident that had caused them both to be yelled at and sent to bed early. It had been a fun adventure. "Who stole that truck when we were ten?"

Marius had been in the middle of taking in a mouth full of beer when Clay asked him that question, causing him to choke as he held back a snort. He wasn't about to waste perfectly good beer on the floor. He remembered that day nowhere, god that was a fun day. They had taken his father's truck out for a spin and down the backroads. It had been fun but nearly crashing it into a tree, they found it best to head home. And the telling off that came with it. "Who hotwired it?" He asked. His father had been at work and a colleague had picked him up so his truck had been left on the drive. However, he had taken the keys with him so Clay had to hotwire it to get it going.

"Who told me to do it?" Clay asked with a grin. He had surprised everyone on how quickly he had picked certain skills including hotwiring any vehicle he got into. He had done it to his own car once when he had left the keys in his cage and couldn't be bothered to go back for them.

"Come on it was fun through?" Marius asked as he shook his head. He missed those days when they just got bored and go off to do whatever they wanted within reason. Marius' dad had been pissed however since his truck had been returned with five new dents in it and covered in mud.

"Yer it was. You always had my back." Clay said softly, he knew that Marius took a lot of the blame for what they had gotten into as kids. In school, Marius had been the one that had stood up for him against the bullies. He had even broken a kid's nose and his lip for pushing Clay against the wall with such force that he had cracked his head open. He had been suspended from school for that one for three days but since he had to be taken to the hospital for switches they were able to hang together. Well, Marius watched over him when his Grandmother was out. The doctors had diagnosed Clay with a concussion and needed ten stitches in his head. For the next week really all Clay did was sleep. Willow had checked up on him a few times but never stayed long.

"Hey what are brothers for," Marius said shrugging, he had no idea what Clay was getting at but he knew that it was more likely his fault. Maybe bring up the past wasn't the best idea.

"I'd be dead if it wasn't for you. That time I got caught in that flash flood, the after the attack..." Clay started to say shaking his head. He knew that Marius had no idea where he was going with this and to be fair neither did he. All he knew was that he wouldn't be here without his brother's help. God, he would have died a long time ago. The flash flood had been just a freak accident. They had been playing near the river when it happened. Marius had managed to escape the water however he hadn't been so lucky. He had felt his legs get swept out from under him, and into the water, he went. If it hadn't been for a tree branch and Marius he would have drowned in the muddy water. His brother had risked his life and had grabbed hold of him.

And after the attack, all he had wanted to do was die. Watching his Grandfather die right in front of him as he felt the blood drain from the body of the man who had given his life for him had broken him. He had wanted to die in the hospital. He had even said it out loud. After that moment he was never left alone. Willow, his Grandmother, Marius, Marius' parent, they all sat with him one time or another. Reminding him that there was still so much to live for. That he still had so much left to achieve.

"You didn't need me, Clay. You're a survivor, always has been." Marius said shrugging his shoulders. Out of everyone in his life, Clay had always been the one person that he knew would be ok. The kid was built to survive pretty much anything. All the horrors of his childhood. All the people he had lost. His injuries. Anyone else, all of that would destroy a person. Not Clay. He knew good men, the best lose it with only half of the stuff Clay had dealt with. It was what he loved about the man. He was stronger, more determined and possibly the most stubborn person he had ever meet but it was the reason he was still alive today.

"Still Marius, I owe you," Clay said draining the rest of his beer into his mouth. He shouldn't be here. There were so many times that the world tried to kill him and yet he kept on living. But at the cost of others. People he loved always seem to take his place when he should be the one dying. Why couldn't the world just get it right?

"That's what family do," Marius explained and leant back in his seat watching Clay carefully. What was really going on with him? He needed to get Clay to talk and not just to tell him that he was fine because he could see that his little brother was anything but fine. "And as your older and much wiser brother who can read you better than anyone, do you want to tell me what's going on in that head of yours?" He asked as he put his own beer down. Now came the harsh truth. He needed to get the kid to talk or he was really worried where all this pain would take him. He had lost brothers before to suicide. He was not about to lose Clay to the same fate.

"Nothing," Clay muttered putting down his empty bottle down but didn't make eye contact with Marius or even look at him. He couldn't.

"Come on Clay, do you really think I don't see it?" Marius accused. He was really sick of Clay thinking that he needed to pretend that everything was fine because it wasn't. Yes, he didn't know the details on what had happened to his little brother but he saw the pain and the guilt that was written all over Clay's face.

"See what?" Clay asked, too tired to stop Marius from digging.

"You're knackered. You've got dark circles under your eyes and to be honest with you, you look like crap." Marius explained. If Clay wanted someone to baby him then he got the wrong brother. But he also knew why Clay had come to him, he was his oldest friend and with that came some understanding in how the other thought.

"Thanks and I'm just a little jet-lagged from the fight that's all." Clay explained as he shook his head, he wasn't ready to talk yet. But he had a feeling Marius was going to make him. To be fair to himself he was tired. He had hoped to sleep a little on the flight but of course, that hadn't happened.

"Not what I mean kid," Marius said shaking his head as he moved to the edge of his seat and tried to meet Clay's eyes. He needed the kid to look at him. But he had a feeling that he wouldn't. Not until he got Clay to open the damn that was clearly holding all his emotions up. But that damn was getting pretty full and soon would break on its own. And then he would lose his little brother, something he was not prepared to do. "You look like you haven't slept for weeks and if you have not a peaceful one. I know you Clay and I know you are closer to the edge than you have ever been before so cut the crap and tell me what made you get on a plane and come here instead of dealing with the problem at home? Coz I can tell you right now, you can't run from the problem it just follows you."

"It's not their problem," Clay whispered as he allowed his head to fall into his hands. He had promised himself that he would never burden his brothers with his problems again. He needed to deal with them himself. No matter how badly that was going so far.

"Whos? Your teams?" Marius asked.

Clay really couldn't say yes to that question. He couldn't. Thinking about his team, his family, all the pain he had caused them...he couldn't stop the tears that had started to form in his eyes to start to fall. All he could do was nod his head.

"Clay, you have been telling me from the moment you got onto Bravo that they were family so why the hell are you running from them?" Marius said moving closer to Clay. He could see the tears that were now falling. He was breaking Clay's armour.

Clay thought about Marius question. It was an honest one, he had no idea how to answer it because he didn't now. He just felt like he was alone. Once again he was alone and it didn't matter if he was with his family or not, he felt alone. "I'm alone," he whispered as more tears fell.

"No, no you're not," Marius said grabbing hold of Clay's arm and shoulder and pulled him into his side. He wasn't going to let Clay go, not again.

"Not in that way. When I got hurt I was alone...when I was tortured I was alone. In that hull..." Clay started to say calmly but then everything just got too much. He couldn't breathe, not anymore and as he tried to get the words out he found it harder and harder for him to concentrate.

"You were by yourself," Marius said pulling Clay closer to him until he felt Clay's head rest against his shoulder. He couldn't help but feel protective over Clay right now, his little brother was hurting and worse he couldn't do anything to stop it.

"And now I can't shake that feeling. I feel alone even when I'm in a crowded room, it doesn't matter who I'm with its always the same. I feel like the walls are closing in on me. Sometimes they are solid, other times it a ain't wave of water or fire bearing down on me. And I'm just waiting for it to consume me. But the worse one is when I'm surrounded by trees with the sounds of screams and gunfire coming ever closer." Clay explained, he didn't care any more than he was fully crying on Marius' shoulders. He didn't need to be big and brave in front of his older brother. He didn't care anymore.

"Just like the camp?" Marius asked but he knew the answer. Clay had told him what had happened the day that rebels had taken their home. And he hadn't been there to save Clay from the horror. Something that he blamed himself for. He was the older brother, he should have protected him like he had promised.

"Yer..." Clay said quietly.

"Have you ever talked to anyone about what really happened? And not the story you told your Grandmother and the others? The truth?" Marius asked. He was sure only two people knew the truth about what had happened during the attack himself and Willow. For everyone else, Clay told them that he didn't see what happened as he had passed out. He knew that Clay had done that to protect his Grandmother from the truth. Something that proved to him that Clay cared more of other people's feelings than his own. He had been prepared to carry that burden himself. Without anyone's help? That was the person he was.

Clay sniffed and shook his head into Marius' shoulder.

"Why?" Marius asked.

"Who could I talk too?" Clay asked as he pulled away from Marius but his brother wouldn't let him.

Marius held Clay to him with an iron grip. His brother was hurting and he knew that he needed to do something to help him. "Me...your team. I don't think they would mind you unloading some of that shit that you have been carrying around with for so long." He knew that he was really speaking about himself as he didn't know Bravo at all other than what Clay had told him. But if they were anything like his team then he knew that they wouldn't have minded listening to Clay's problems. Even supporting him through it. But why couldn't Clay believe that he was worth their help?

"It's not their problem, I'm the one that can't deal with this crap," Clay said shaking his head, telling himself that he had done the right thing. Not involving them. Right?

"Clay stop it." Marius said harshly and turned Clay so he had to look at him, "It's not crap. You saw your grandfather beheaded by rebels. Our friends gunned down and killed. Our home burned and no normal person can survive that and say that it doesn't affect them." He still had the scars of what his childhood had done to him, both physically and mentally. He wasn't going to lie but unlike Clay, he had talked about it. He had admitted that those things had changed him. He just needed to get Clay to ask and want help with his own nightmares.

"It still hurts," Clay admitted as more tears start to fall all over again.

"It will buddy. It will always hurt. But you have to accept it to be able to move on. Admit that you saw the worse thing in your life, grieve and then move on." Marius said softly as he once again pulled Clay to him.

"I still see it you know," Clay said softly as he started to play with the thread that was hanging off his t-shirt.

"What?" Marius asked as he rubbed Clay's back in circles. He needed to calm his brother down if he had any chance to get more information out of him. Yes, he had cracked the dam but he needed to blow it up to get Clay to deal with everything that he had held back.

"The blade that..." Clay whispered even more quietly.

Marius didn't need to answer Clay or get Clay to finish his sentence. He knew what he was getting at, instead, he just held him as he had done in the hospital. Like he would never let go. He didn't want too. Clay was talking about watching his Grandfather died. He had overheard Clay telling Willow what had happened and the fact that his little brother had witnessed the rebels torture and then behead his Grandfather was shocking. An image that he knew that Clay should never have witnessed.

"He didn't fight them," Clay said shaking his head. He remembered that day so well. He remembered his Grandfather's body language so well. The man showed no sign of fear in front of the rebels.

"What?" Marius asked. He hadn't heard that before and he thought that he had heard the whole story so this was shooking.

"He didn't fight back when they grabbed him. Like he had accepted it," Clay explained but he still didn't understand it. Why wouldn't he fight to live? It didn't make sense then but now he did. He had felt the same in that hull, he had made his peace in his death. He welcomed it.

"He made his peace," Marius explained and smiled softly. That was such a thing that he could see Clay's Grandfather. The man was the kindest man he had ever known and he couldn't remember a time when he would raise his voice. "Sounds like him, remember when he told us that God had a plan mapped out for us the moment we were born. That our parents could see what we would become in the first few days of life," Marius added rubbing Clay's shoulder a little more. As a reminded to Clay that he was still there.

"God I hated that speech," Clay said with a chuckle. He had been given that speech more than once.

"Yer. I was sure that if that was true I would be a circle clown since I kept laughing." Marius said laughing at the thought of him being in a circle and then shook his head at the grin that had come across Clay's face. At least he made the kid smile as well.

"Ha, I could picture that," Clay said as he pulled out of Marius grip and looked directly at Marius. He remembered that conversation a few times with his Grandfather and each time his Grandfather had given him that conversation he had told him that he was meant to do God's work in his own way.

"Hey. You're a lot like him you know." Marius said knocking his shoulder into Clays.

"How? He had so much faith in people," Clay shook his head as he said it. He was nothing like his Grandfather. The man had a good heart and would do anything for anyone. No matter what it was, if he could help them he would.

"Maybe but you are both kind, thoughtful and wanting to do good in the world," Marius explained, he could see the man in Clay as clear as day. Even if Clay couldn't see it.

"He picked God and what did I pick? To become just like my dad another soldier with a gun." Clay shook his head again. He hated himself for falling into the path of proving to everyone that he wasn't his father and not finding the true him.

"Hey, you are nothing like your old man. And yer so what? You chose a gun but at the same time, that gun has saved how many lives? Willow taught you how to shoot. Said you were a natural. One of the best he had ever seen, you do good with that gift of yours and don't you forget it." Marius explained. Why was Clay been so hard on himself? He remembered Willow telling Clay a lot that he was a born natural sniper who would go far if he honed in on that skill set. Willow also explained that a sniper was a soldier who could play God if he needed to but also could save a lot of lives without ever been seeing.

"I couldn't save him," Clay muttered as he retreated into himself once again,

"Clay, we were kids when he was killed," Marius said. How could Clay think he could have saved his Grandfather? No one could have. Not even Willow.

"Not him," Clay said shaking his head trying to get rid of the images that now flashed before his eyes. "The doctor that saved me. He risked his life to save me and got killed because of me." Askoy had risked his life and had lost it all because he had helped him. If he had stayed away from Askoy then maybe he would still be alive today.

"That's not on you Clay," Marius said pulling Clay in for another hug. He wished Clay would give himself a break and stop blaming himself for everything that was really beyond his control.

"Why don't we turn in? We got a busy day tomorrow," Marius said as he picked up Clay's empty bottle and then his own before getting up and moving to put them in the bin.

"I'm scared to ask," Clay said as he got up as well. He felt almost like a weight had been lifted off him already. Maybe he needed to talk more or maybe he just needed Marius again. He needed his big brother.

Marius smirked and shrugged his shoulders. "Just meeting up with Johan and Chester. They heard you were back and we thought a nice hike would do us all the good."

"Heard that I was back?"Clay asked crossing his arms, he wasn't hiding from his old friends but he had wanted a day or two to deal with his own problems before seeing them.

"Well may have called them the second I got off the phone with you," Marius grinned as he passed Clay a bottle of water from the fridge for his room.

"Unbelievable," Clay muttered but knew better than to argue with Marius. To be fair he did miss seeing Johan and Chester, both had followed himself and Marius into the forces but Chester had gone Navy and had trained as a doctor and Johan had gone into the Air Force.

"Come on it will be nice to have the four musketeers back together," Marius said as he picked up Clays' bags and motioned him to follow him down the hall to Clay's room.

"Trouble more likely," Clay said laughing as he remembered some of the things they use to get up too.

"Isn't that so true," Marius said with a laugh before saying good night to Clay and headed to his own room. As he closed the door, Marius took in a long and hard breath. Clay had changed, and he didn't just mean slightly. There is something else going on with the kid and he knew that his work had only just started. He had a long way to go and only a week to do it. But he expected the challenge. Anything for Clay.


	48. Breakfast is served

Chapter Forty-eight

Marius woke up with the sun streaming into his room from his half-open window. He hadn't bothered to close the curtains last night mainly because he had no idea if he would be able to get any sleep after the conversation he had with Clay. He had been worried about his little brother before he had seen him but now he was really worried. He knew his little brother may be better than he knew himself and he could tell that the kid was hiding even more pain than the stuff that he had gotten out of him last night.

He listened to the silence of his house, he knew that he was going to need some help to drag more out of his little brother. He could see that Clay was still trying to deal with whatever had happened to him and like normal, he was trying to deal with it all by himself. He knew that Clay liked to be independent and deal with all his problems himself even when everyone else could clearly see that the kid was struggling and needed support. The man was too proud to ask for help. However that didn't mean he didn't ask for it, but only when he was drowning. And right now he could tell that Clay was up to his neck already and he had no idea how long it would be before he lost his footing and fell into the deep.

After a few moments, he heard a strange noise coming from the kitchen. At first, his brain didn't register what he was hearing. Clay shouldn't be up yet. He knew that Clay didn't suffer jetlag as badly as any normal person but he would have guessed that with the long flight, the fact that he hadn't been sleeping properly for what looked like weeks and the emotional meltdown that he had last night, he thought that Clay would be still asleep. But from the noises he could hear, his little brother was clearly wide awake. And with the sound of water, he guessed that he had the coffee on. Suddenly he grew very hungry.

Maybe having Clay around here might be good for both of them, he knew that he had recently turned into a little bit of a hermit. Only living the house for food, work and the gym. On occasion, he would go to the bar with his teammates and on a real rare occasion he would meet up with Johan and Chester but they had their own lives and before Clay nothing really in common. Chester was big. Bigger than any guy he knew. He averaged around six-foot-five and was solidly built. No one messed with the big guy and if someone stupidly pissed him off then they were going to a hospital with a few broken bones. But that actually never happened because as much as he was big, Chester wasn't much of a fighter. Never had been. Yes, he boxed and was a black belt in a few martial arts but he only ever defeated himself. He was never one to start a fight but sure as hell, he would finish it.

The one that normally started the fights was Johan. He was a hothead which went well for him being a pilot. However, what really fired him up was when others took advantage of other people. He was loyally protective which often got him in a world of trouble when they were kids and more so as an adult. He was the shortest out of all of them, but that didn't mean a damn thing to him. Johan wasn't born in Africa. He was born in France. His parents had been working there at the time but had returned to South Africa when Johan was only five. But that didn't stop Johan from speaking brilliantly in french whenever he needed too or was too pissed off to speak in English.

He loved both of his brothers but they drove him mental. When he was with them he knew why they all called him the parent. But he didn't mind it when it came from them. They were his family after all. They had a bond stronger than blood. They were brothers. They protected each other, fought together and more importantly, told each other that they were been stupid when they were being stupid. And right now all Marius wanted to do was to tell Clay that he was been stupid trying to deal with everything on his own. But he needed back up before he dropped that lead balloon.

With a grown he pulled himself from his warm bed, god he hated mornings. He quickly threw on a t-shirt and made him way into his kitchen. As he expected, Clay was stood at the french doors, which was open, looking out into his garden with a cup of coffee in his hands. Like him, he had just thrown on a t-shirt with his pyjamas bottoms. However, the difference between them was that Marius could see the sweat on Clay's back telling him that whatever had awoken Clay it wasn't the sun. More than likely it was whatever nightmare that had been plaguing his mind.

Marius shook his head, as he moved closer hoping not to startle him. But he didn't need to worry about it because as soon as he moved Clay spoke, breaking the silence. "Morning," He said turning to smile a little at him. Marius could still see the haunted look in Clay's eyes from whatever nightmare that had woken him up. He wondered how often Clay's sleep had been broken with him reliving some horror. But he planned on asking him later when the time was right.

"Morning, what are you doing up so early?" Marius asked coming closer and standing next to Clay with his back resting against the door frame. He knew that it was unlikely that Clay would tell him the real reason but if he could get him to talk to him, even a little, then he was getting somewhere with him.

"This is my normal time to get up," Clay said shrugging his shoulders. He knew that he was lying through his teeth to his older brother but he didn't want to dump more of his problems on him when he had already done so much for him. He couldn't shake the nightmare that had woken him up even though he had been up for hours. But he had been lucky last night, he had been able to get a good solid four and a half hours of sleep. He had hoped that maybe he had left his nightmares back in the States but he wasn't that lucky. It seemed that he would never get rid of them.

Marius shook his head, he couldn't believe that Clay was trying to act like nothing was wrong when it clearly was. But he was also kicking himself for not waking up when Clay had been stuck in that nightmare. Did he call out? Did Clay need him and he hadn't even noticed? He had failed his brother once again but he was going to fix this. But he knew that Clay wouldn't openly admit weakness and a nightmare to him was a weakness. "Yer...ok, in the states but here?" He asked. Maybe if he slowly worked on Clay he would open up to him a little more.

"What can I tell you? When the sun is up I am too." Clay explained, again shrugging his shoulders before taking a sip of his coffee. He knew that Marius was slowly trying to get him to open up, he guessed he looked pretty bad. But more importantly, he guessed that he still had that look about him that told Marius that he hadn't slept well.

"Weirdo," Marius said laughing and shaking his head. He loved his brother and everything that came with him. But he knew that Clay was right about that weird habit. He had noticed it when they with kids that whenever the sun was up, Clay was.

"Thanks," Clay muttered as he took another sip of his coffee. He knew that his brother was trying to help him and he loved him for it. Marius knew how far to push him and more importantly when not to. Something that Bravo still needed to learn.

"Just please tell me that you have the coffee on..." Marius said patting Clay's shoulder before he moved back to his kitchen leaving Clay there. He knew that his brother needed space, and he had time to let him have it. For now.

"Yes sir, all done," Clay said with a grin as he moved to follow Marius into the kitchen and pointed at the coffee maker which was still half full. God how much coffee had he already drank? Maybe this would have to be his last cup as he remembered the limit Trent had put him on when he had finally been allowed to drink coffee. He knew that since Trent wasn't here he didn't really need to listen to the rule however he had a feeling that Trent would know, somehow. And to be honest he was a little terrified of Trent. The man was a genius when it came down to medical treatment but he was also extremely pissed when they didn't listen to it.

But then a noise for the unit sounded again. Clay had heard it a few times during the few hours he was awake but he hadn't paid much attention to it. He knew that his phone was still on charge since he had forgotten to charge it after sending that text to Jason and the rest of the guys along with a med check-in for Trent. He knew that it would be fully charged by the time Marius was up and ready to take him on this hike that they had planned.

"That was your phone," Clay said as he looked towards his brother's phone which was turned face down on the counter. He smiled at the phone case that his brother had chosen. Marius had played rugby as a kid, they both did but Marius had been a really good hooker. Which sounded wrong if they said it in American or in any country but in rugby, it was a position between the two props. And his love of rugby continued and his springboks' phone case only proved that. The Springboks was the national mascot of South Africa and even with its checked past, they had shown that they were a force to be reckoned with.

"Huh?" Marius asked confused as he allowed the coffee to soak into his brain. He was so not a morning person.

"Your phones going off," Clay said again pointing to Marius' phone.

"Oh..." Marius said putting his coffee down and picking up his phone. He had completely forgotten that he had left it there last night in his rush to get Clay to bed after his breakdown. Thankfully he had a charger in his car so he didn't need to worry about his phone dying on him but he kicked himself for not keeping it at hand in case he needed it.

As he looked down the texts that he had gotten he was surprised at the number of them. From Chester, there was over ten missed messages, Johan nine, his father six and surprisingly he had even gotten one from Mason, Clay's godfather asking him to look after Clay for him. He had gotten Mason's number a long time ago and was only to be used in the event of an emergency. He looked up at Clay for a second to see if Clay had caught his surprise. He quickly sent a text back saying that he would and then turned his attention onto the other missed messages.

He had told his dad that Clay was coming to stay with him and that he had picked him up from the airport. Langebaan was over an hour and a half drive from Cape Town but that didn't stop him. His father had even offered to pick him up if the trip was going to be too much for him since he had only gotten back in the country two days before Clay had arrived. His father had always seen Clay as a second son and when he had left for the States he had seen his father grieve again. Not as badly as when they had lost his mother but he cared for Clay like any father would.

But he had explained that he would be fine and promised that he would bring Clay around to see him when he was ready too. A promise he aimed to keep. His father had offered them his boat if they wanted it. And it was a lot nicer than any of theirs so he would take that offer. His father had asked him the basics, like how Clay was doing? And what he was like? He knew that his father would not believe a word that he said until he actually saw Clay himself.

"It's just Chester." Marius then said as he started to open all of Chester's texts. Some were the normal questions that he had gotten from everyone else however as looked down the message, he saw that some of them had turned medical. Asking about his respiratory rate and other stuff like that. He shook his head and then looked at the most recent message form him.

"How is the big rhino?" Clay asked with a small grin.

"I'll tell him you called him that," Marius said pointing at him before going back to his phone.

"Hey, you came up with that nickname, not me." Clay pointed out with a laugh as he finished his coffee and placed his cup down on the unit and shook his head at the memory of how Chester had gotten that nickname.

It had been when they were fifteen on a Saturday during the summer term, they had decided to play a game fo rugby in the local park with a few other school friends since all of their parents were either at work or busy. It had been an intense game like all rugby games were and halfway through the second half Marius had gotten the ball and was about to score his third try of the game however literally out of now where Chester came charging in and had tackled Marius with so much force that they had been scared that he had actually knocked him out. Thankfully it hadn't but as Johan had joked that it might have knocked some sense into him. When Marius had been able to finally get to his feet he had turned to Chester and called him directly to his face that he had been charging like a pissed off Rhino bull. And ever since then they had nicknamed him Rhino.

"Anyway he said he and Johan are on the way here. We are taking Chester's four-by-four since it will be easier to get where we are going." Marius said shrugging his shoulders. He did the maths in his head and worked out that they both could shower and eat before they got here. He knew that he needed to get Clay to eat before they left as Chester would kill him if he let him Clay leave without food in his stomach.

"Where are we going?" Clay asked he had tried to work out where Chester, Johan and Marius had planned for him but he really couldn't work out where they were taking him. As kids, they had really tried every hiking trail that they could find in and around Cape Town and even further when they had a vehicle. It was some of his best memories of living in Cape Town. Marius' father Frank had become his surrogate father. Someone that was there for him whenever he needed him. They often went out on hikes and explored what South Africa had to offer.

He knew he was the luckiest person to have each and every one of his surrogate fathers in his life because his real father was a waste of space nearly all of the time. His Grandfather, Willow, Frank, Mason, Richard, Adam, Ray and Jason. Each and every single one of them made an impression on him and he knew that he wouldn't be the man he was today if it wasn't for them.

Marius looked up at Clay, he knew that he was going to have to tell the kid. He just hoped that Clay was up to it, because from what he could tell Clay could do the hike physically. It was the mental issues that worried him. "Ok..." He said picking up his cup and pouring the hot liquid into his mouth before continuing. "Look it was Johan's idea. Remember what we did before you left for the States?" He asked. He didn't remember the night every well but the morning after was something he wished he could.

"Yer..." Clay said nodding but then smiled a little at the memory. When he had found out that they were returning to the States, it had broken a part of him. At the time, even though his dream was to become a Seal by then, he didn't want to say goodbye to his three closest friends and the man who had become like a surrogate father to him. However, he knew that he had too, he couldn't abandon his Grandmother. Not after everything she had done for him. But his brothers had made sure that his fast few days were some of the best ones. And the night Marius was talking about was one of the best.

"...we got drunk, ate a hell of a lot of funk food and then the next morning decided to climb Lion's head hungover to hell and still managed to beat our best time." Clay continued with a wider grin he knew what Marius was getting at.

Lion's head was one of his favourites hikes. If he remembered correctly the whole thing was around about six hundred sixty-nine metres high with some of the best views of Cape Town and the ocean. It showed anyone who travelled there the true beauty of the city and the sea that surrounded them. It was also one of the most peaceful spots that they had found. They were cut off from the world below them. He always described it as like been cut off from the whole below when they were sat up on the top.

After the first few times that they had taken the hike did he come up with the challenge that still was in place today. A race to see who could make it to the top first. He had come up with the idea after they had been busy arguing over who was the fastest. And they did it every time they took up the hike. However, it wasn't like any normal race. They never actually left each others' sides whilst on the hike, they wouldn't risk each other over a stupid race. No, they started the hike together so they finished it together. But that didn't stop them arguing over who got their first. Even though they did it together. However that was their friendship, they were more like brothers than best friends. And Clay had a feeling that only death would end that friendship.

"Haha..." Marius laughed as he remembered that hike up there. It had been the best and worse day of his life. He enjoyed spending time with his brothers and when they were doing something that they all loved it was even better but that day was also the last day they had with Clay. A bittersweet thing really. He knew that he wasn't losing his brother permanently as he knew in his heart that Clay would return to him one day. "...yer that was fun." He said shaking his head before taking a sip of his coffee. He didn't remember much about the night before and some of the morning as well due to how much he had drank but he knew did remember that he hadn't seen Clay laugh as hard in a long time.

Clay shook his head and knew from the look on Marius' face was trying to remember a few more details from that particular hike. "You weren't saying that when you were throwing up that pizza you ate right before we did it." Clay reminded him. That had been the one and only time Clay had thought he was physically going to die after drinking too much alcohol. But at least he had learned his lesson. His still liked a drink, but he had never, to this date, never drank as much as he had on that night again. However, he hadn't been the worse of them after that night of drinking. Chester and himself had been the soberest out of their group when Johan and Marius were downright shit faced for the whole night. Neither of them could remember anything about that night, thankfully they had pictures to remind them of some of the events. Not that Marius wanted to remember parts of the night.

Marius then stopped as he remembered that part of the day that he wished he could forget and something that had spoilt one of his former foods. Pizza. "God I still can't eat Margherita Pizzas anymore," He moaned as he rested his head on his arm and against the cool unit top. He uses to love Margherita pizza, he didn't care if it was hot or cold, he'd eat it. But now, he couldn't stomach the taste or the smell since that day. Even being in the same room as it would make him stick to his stomach.

"Neither can I," Clay moaned as well. Margherita pizza was once one of his favourite foods until Marius decided to throw up down his arm with it. "Can't believe you threw up on me." He added shaking his head.

"You shouldn't have gotten in the way," Marius pointed out as he grinned at Clay making sure that he added the innocent look that he uses to use as a kid.

"I was stopping you from falling over the edge," Clay argued back. He didn't mind his older brother throwing up on him if it meant that he didn't fall off the edge which he had gone to throw up over. But still being drunk, he had miss judged how close he had gotten and had nearly fallen if Clay hadn't grabbed hold of him.

"Whatever...Let's start breakfast shall we." Marius finally said after he stopped laughing at the choice words and names Clay had called him after he had finished throwing up on him. He had jokingly told him that he would tell his Grandmother about the names he had called him but knew that Clay knew that he wouldn't go through with it as he would also get a smack for repeating them.

"I'm good," Clay said shaking his head as he felt his stomach turn at the thought of food. He knew that he hadn't been eating properly for a while and knew why that was but that didn't make him feel any better. Every time he ate something, he could feel his stomach twist and spasm.

Marius froze and then looked at Clay more carefully than before. Something was wrong if Clay didn't want to eat, the kid normally took really good care of his body. He uses to joke that the kid ate like a rabbit most of the time. Clay loved eating veg more than anyone else he knew. For him to not wanting to eat was a little concerning.

"Nope..." He said moving towards Clay but not too close that Clay would feel like he was been overcrowded. He needed to get his little brother to open up or at least eat something. He didn't care what but he needed to eat. He also made a side note to make sure that he told Chester about this lack of hunger when he arrived. He knew that his brother would want to give Clay a full check over when he got here but he needed to make sure that Chester knew about their little brother's lack of appetite.

"Chester will have my head and then yours if I let you leave this house without breakfast." Marius then added moving towards his fridge to see if he had anything for them to have. He knew that he had some of the putupap leftovers. And he knew how much Clay use to love it when his Grandmother had made, his father's girlfriend/soon to be step-mother wasn't as good as Clay's grandmother but it was up there.

"Think I have some leftover putupap in the fridge that we could have," he said as he pulled the large bowl out of his fridge. "My dad's new girlfriend loves to cook and she sends me 'care packages' all the time." He explained when he caught a confused look from Clay. He was good at a lot of things but cooking wasn't one of them. He could burn water if left alone.

Clay stopped for a moment and thought about what information Marius had just given him. He had hoped that Marius' father Frank would move on and find someone new after Mary had died. He was glad to hear that he had found someone, no one should be alone forever. "Girlfriend?" Clay asked with a smile. He was happy for Frank but he had no idea what relationship his brother had with his dad's girlfriend but he hoped it was a good one and since she cooked for him, he had a feeling that it was so.

"Yer I know. Thought he was passed it, but then a get a phone call telling me that he had started to see a woman and he wanted me to meet her. Turns out they work together so we are going to have two police officers in the family so at least we can get out of trouble a lot easier than before. But getting to my point she loves to cook and normally drops off food so we have breakfast." Marius explained getting the bowl out of the fridge, he knew that she had put in pepper, onion and corn into it but he didn't really care. They would both eat it.

"Ok whatever I'm going to jump in the shower when you re-heat the putupap," Clay said shaking his head and felt a little annoyed that his brother wouldn't just let him be. He knew that Marius meant well, but it was still annoying. He didn't want to eat and that was fine, but he knew that Marius wasn't going to let him get away with it. He also really needed a shower. He wanted to stand under the water and let it wash away the nightmare that was still plaguing his mind. Why couldn't it just leave him alone?

He had gotten to the hallway before Marius shouted through, "Leave me some hot water." Clay shook his head and shouted back a yes before he entered the bathroom. He needed to be alone, even for ten minutes. Even though he was alone with Marius he felt like he was in a crowded room with it ready to burst. A feeling that he hated but at the same time when he finally found himself alone, welcomed it.

As he closed the door, he allowed his head to rest against the back of the door. He wasn't ready for this. He wasn't ready to see his brothers so soon then he first thought. He was broken. He wasn't the same person he was back then. He had changed. He knew that he was been silly, that of course, he had changed. No one in his way of life didn't change, and he knew that his brothers had also changed as well. But they weren't haunted like was.

Everyone he ever cared about left him in the end. It was a pattern that had ran throughout his whole life, maybe he would be better alone?

With a sigh, Clay turned as he moved closer to the shower but he had only taken a few steps when his leg nearly gave out from under him. The only thing that had saved him from falling face-first into the floor was that he had been able to grab hold of the sink as he fell. Pain shot through his leg and into his hip. He bit his lip as the pain burned through his muscle. He knew that he couldn't call for help as he had a feeling that Marius would have a fit. But also, there was nothing he could do. No one could.

His surgeons had told him that the damage down by the shrapnel that had hit him had caused serious damage to his legs that he was lucky he hadn't lost them. With a deep breath, he managed to drag himself to the bath so he could sit on the side of it and get his bearings. He hadn't told anyone about the pain he was still getting from his legs. Not Jason or Trent because he knew that they would want to help him, fit it when they couldn't. He didn't want them to feel guilt for not being able to help him when not even his doctors could.

Closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath, he started to massage his legs like how his surgeon had shown him. It hurt to do it and at times he could feel a tear fall from his eyes but after a few minutes, the pain had started to lessen. He was surprised that someone hadn't caught him yet having to do this. He had a feeling that Trent might know that his leg could be bothering him but he hadn't said anything yet. Which he was thankful for.

After five minutes, Clay was finally able to open his eyes. The pain had gone from burning hot to a dull throbbing. That he could deal with. He took a few more moments to get his breathing back under control. He turned to look at the shower that was to his right. He knew that he better get in the shower soon as he had a feeling that if Marius didn't hear the water soon then he would be at the door asking him if he was ok. He knew that unless he didn't answer Marius wouldn't enter, he always allowed him his privacy. Unlike others, a.k.a Sonny, who didn't care if he said he was fine, he had to check and would just walk in.

He carefully leant over and turned on the water, he allowed the water to fall over his hand in through his fingers for a few minutes. The water was cool at first but then started to warm. For a few moments, the feeling of the water over his hand relaxed him. Like it always had. But then the feeling returned. The feeling of fear. He knew that it was stupid, he couldn't drown in a shower but that didn't stop his heart from racing and him unable to control his breathing.

He knew that this fear was reasonable, he had drowned. His heart had stopped and his body had slowly started to die in the cold water. But he was alive. He hadn't died, his brothers had come for him, had saved him. But there was always the thought that was still playing inside his head was that all of this, him been saved, in South Africa and showing everyone that was healing, was all a dream. Instead, he was still locked inside that hull with the cold salty water slowly rising over him. And had been one of his nightmares that had plagued his sleep on occasion.

With a deep breath he pulled himself up and after placing his clothes on the floor he climbed into the warm water. He knew that he wouldn't be able to deal with being in the water for too long but it would be enough for him to feel clean after the nightmare he had suffered. One step at a time, he told himself. One step.

Marius listened carefully to see if he could hear the sound of Clay's shower and didn't move until he did. He made a note of how long it had taken Clay to turn on the shower but didn't go and check on him. He knew how much Clay hated that. It did worry him though with the length of time it took him. Had he hurt himself? But he knew that more than likely, Clay was just enjoying some alone time. His little brother always liked to be alone rather than with a group of people.

He had already put the putupap on to reheat and knew that more than likely they would both be showered and dressed before it was ready. Marius refilled his coffee cup and turned the pot back on as he knew that Chester and Johan would more likely need a cup when they got here. Johan lived on the stuff. They joked that their brother was already too much of a hothead to need coffee but they knew not to try to stop him from drinking the stuff.

His thought was finally broken with the sound of his phone ringing. He turned to look at it and saw Johan's face appear on the screen. He smiled and knew that they were calling for an update.

"Hey, Johan." He said as he held his phone in one hand and his coffee in another.

_"Hey mate, we should be another twenty minutes and we're just picked up our lunch,"_ Johan reported.

Marius smiled. They had decided to order a picnic-like lunch from a local restaurant to take with them so Clay could have a few old favourites for lunch. Chester's parents thankfully owned the restaurant and had made sure that everything was perfect for them. His dad had even thrown in a few bottles of beer for them to have at the top. "Good." He said, but as soon as the word had left his mouth he kicked himself. He knew that in his voice lay the worry that he was feeling.

_"What's going on?"_ Johan demanded.

Marius silently cursed. He wished he had said that he didn't want his brothers to worry until they saw their brother but there was no turning back now. "Look, am I on speaker?" He asked knowing as much as he loved Johan, he really needed to talk to Chester.

_"Hang on. Go."_ Johan said as he put his phone onto speaker and held it out so Chester could hear.

"You might have to give Clay a once over before we leave." Maris finally admitted. He knew that Clay wouldn't be happy about the idea but the risk of him hurting himself on the hike was high and he wouldn't forgive himself if Clay hurt himself because they had pushed him too far.

_"Explain?" _Chester demanded. He could stop his mind from running over what Marius had told him about his little brother's injuries and from what he could gather from a friend who surprisingly worked in the hospital Clay was in, he had found out the long list of injuries Clay had gathered.

"Don't know, doesn't want to eat," Marius explained.

"_He's dying then..." _Johan said and Marius heard the unmistaken sound of Chester slapping Johan's arm hard.

_"Not helping, look, maybe he is still a little off from the flight but I'll speak to him when we get there. Should be another ten minutes or less if the traffic remains the same." _Chester said. He knew, just from experience, that for someone who was recovering from the injuries Clay had suffered took a lot of them. But eating was very important and for Clay not wanting to eat, either meant an infection or something else going on. But in his heart, he had a feeling that he knew that there was something going on inside Clay's head. No one went through what he had without it affecting him mentally.

"Thanks, brother and I'm heating up some of Elmarie's putupap for everyone," Marius added as he gave it a little stir.

"_Save us some..." _Johan shouted with a laugh as he put the phone down.

"My brothers are weird," Marius said with a small chuckle as he put his phone down. He could see the steam coming from the hot food and knew that it was ready. He collected two bowls from the cupboard and started to split it into four equal amounts. He knew that more than likely with the worry about Clay fresh in their minds, his brothers wouldn't be long. Chester had a bit of a lead foot when it came down to his brothers been in trouble.

Marius moved towards the hallway and called, "Putupap is ready."

Within seconds Clay came out of his bathroom already dressed in some brown cargo trousers and a green t-shirt. He had already put on his hiking boots as he had brought them with him hoping that he would be able to enjoy the trails that his old home had to offer. Marius smiled at Clay as his brother walked towards him. It was like seeing Clay back as a kid when he first saw him dressed in that way.

"Thanks..." Clay said grumpy but Marius ignored it.

"Here you go, I'm going in the shower," Marius said patting Clay on the shoulder and past him a bowl before moving to the bathroom. Clay was eating it whether he liked it or not.

Clay waited till Marius had closed the door before he sighed and dragged himself to the dining room table. He sat himself down and placed the bowl in front of him. The putupap smelt amazing and looked it as well. But the smell was making his stomach turn. However he knew that he needed to eat, or Marius would have his head. Trying to delay eating and to see if his stomach would settle with time, he pulled out his phone and unlocked the screen. He knew that he had to report it or Jason would be on the next flight out here.

Opening the team's group chat that had been set up he quickly typed a quick message. 'All ok. Slept fine, eating breakfast and then going on a hike. Will message you when we get back.' It was short, to the point and didn't give too much away. He knew that more than likely they would want more details when he got back home, but he hoped that they wouldn't read between the lines that he wasn't fine.

Within seconds he saw that Jason had read the message and had replied. 'Good to hear, take it easy on the hike and call me when you get back.'

This message worried him a little. Why would Jason want to talk to him for? He quickly thought back to what he could have done to make his team leader want to speak to him. He had admitted to training with other teams and a few other things that he knew would miss Jason off but he hadn't done anything since. He didn't think.

The next message was from Ray which said, 'Take it easy and Jameelah wants pictures. She thinks it's really unfair that you got to go to South Africa and she had to go to school.' Clay smiled at the message and sent a quick thumbs up in response. He had already made up his mind to pick up a few presents for people before returning home. And Jameelah was really into giraffes at the minute.

But then Ray sent another message but not from him. It was from Naima, 'Naima said to make sure you take breaks and drink plenty. She also said to make sure that you check your wounds to make sure that there is no infections starting. But have fun.' Clay felt himself roll his eyes at Naima's comment but smiled as well. He knew that she cared about him and only wanted the best for him but it was still a little annoying that she didn't trust him.

Trent was the next to answer, 'Have fun and make sure you take it easy, don't push yourself too hard till you collapse.' Clay send another thumbs up to that comment as well. He didn't want to give too much away that would cause them to worry about him, they didn't need to worry about him here. This was his break but also for theirs. They had been too focused on looking after him than themselves ever since they had rescued him. This break was there's to look after themselves, recharge and enjoy some time with their families.

Brock sent a smiley face and a dog's paw prints. With a little comment saying 'Cerb misses you and is so jealous.' He had been on hikes with Brock and Cerberus since he got released from the hospital and he could see the joy in Cerb's face as he ran along in front of them. He wished that he could have brought him with him as he knew that he would love the trails that they were going to go on but maybe that was for another day.

Surprisingly Sonny hadn't responded at all, which took him back a little. He knew that Sonny was pissed at him for leaving but he thought he would at least ask how he was doing. But then Lisa sent a message which explained everything. 'Glad you're having fun. Sonny got pissed last night and is currently sleeping it off. Don't worry about him, he's fine.' Clay didn't know how to respond to that, he knew that downtime was always the hardest for Sonny but he had thought that he would understand why he had needed a break. However, by the sounds of it, Sonny had fallen back into his old habits which meant he was more likely that he would still be pissed at him when he returned home.

He placed his phone down after typing a thanks to Lisa, he knew they would see that he was a little upset at Sonny but knew better than to ask what he was thinking. Sonny was his brother and he had done a lot for him but sometimes he needed time alone. And that was something Sonny didn't understand. Unlike him, Clay liked to be alone. He shook his head and then turned his attention to the bowl in front of him, it was still hot but cool enough to eat without burning the top of his mouth. However, the wait hadn't helped his stomach, it still twisted at the smell of the food. He knew that he was going to have to focus himself to eat, and soon found himself forcing the food into his mouth. But then he stopped at the sound of a car door slamming shut and as he looked up the front door slammed open.

"Well...well...look what the cat dragged in..." Johan said at the top of his voice as he skipped in and headed directly for Clay and quickly pulled him out of his seat and into a powerful hug.

Clay was so shocked at how Johan had entered the room that he didn't fight been pulled into the hug. He missed his brothers, and Johan reminded him of Sonny a lot of the time, the only difference was that Johan understood that he liked his alone time and respected it. However, they both had the same explosive temper which Clay thankfully had never been on the receiving end of it yet.

"Johan, we've just got him back so please don't break him," Chester said putting his bag down at the door and moved towards his two younger brothers.

"I'm not going to break him..." Johan said as he finally let go of Clay with a grin. "Now, food," he said with a nod and moved towards the kitchen. He had no idea where Johan put it all but the man could get a cow if you let him.

"Hey little brother," Chester said as he pulled Clay into a hug himself. He missed Clay a lot, he might not have known Clay as long as Marius but he had always felt very protective over his younger brother, something that he couldn't explain and didn't need too. Clay was his brother. And that was that. "Now... let's give you the once other." He said pulling back but keeping his hands on Clay's shoulders to stop him from escaping.

"What?" Clay asked confused.

"I brought my kit so let's go," Chester said nodding his head towards his kit. He had learnt a long time ago to always make sure that he had his full kit with him at all times when it came down dealing with his brothers. From cuts and bruises to broken bones, he needed to be ready for anything.

"Come on. Seriously?" Clay asked shaking his head. He knew that there wasn't anything physically wrong with him, other than a few more scars. His problem he knew was mentally, and something he had to deal with alone.

"He doesn't look that bad," Johan piped up between mouth fulls. He had been resting against the kitchen unit watching the exchange between his two brothers like a tennis match.

"Yer coz the docs fixed the inside idiot, not the outside," Chester said shaking his head his brother's comment. Sometimes he felt like he was surrounded by idiots and with Johan, he was nearly fifty per cent of the time. He knew which surgeries Clay had gotten and Marius had also filled him in about the head injury which to be fair was the thing that worried him the most. Head injuries could never be predicted. No one could know how it would affect a person afterwards, and he had been worried about how it would affect Clay as a person. He knew that Clay had suffered memory loss afterwards and that was always a concern. Would Clay not remember things from their childhood? Would he remember things about them?

"I'm fine Chester. I promise." Clay said Chester, reminded him of Trent a lot of the time but until Trent, Chester knew which battles to fight and ones to just let go. With any injury, big or small Trent would kill them if they hid or didn't report an injury to him. He didn't care, he wanted to know. With Chester, he knew that Clay would come to him if he was hurt but also made sure he kept an eye on him.

"Fine but you better tell me if something is wrong," Chester said shaking his head before going to the kitchen to pick up his own bowl.

Clay smiled, he missed this. Having his brothers around him again. It felt like nothing had changed at all. At that moment he felt actually hungry and quickly joined them eating the food that he had missed. He could tell in Chester's face that he was pleased to see him eating and he could only guess that Marius had told him about his lack of hunger.

"Come on, we better get going or we are going to hit all the traffic," Marius said as he reentered the kitchen and quickly shovelled the food into his mouth and cleaning the bowl in five mouth fulls.

"Waiting on you," Johan said shaking his head.

Clay grinned as Johan and Marius started their normal argument about how was holding them up that Chester and Clay just sat back and enjoyed the show. It was times like this that he questioned whether or not his true home was still here with his brothers or whether he belonged back int the States. It was hard sometimes to think about. He missed his brothers in South Africa. He grew up here for all of his teenage years and he had so many happy memories there but at the same time. He didn't know what he would be without his Bravo brothers. Yes, they had gotten off to a rotten start but now they were family. And he didn't know if he could live without them in his life.

"Come on children, let's go," Chester said gripping hold of Clay's arm and pulling him towards the front door.

Clay just did what he was told but he knew that he still had a lot to think about.


	49. A kind of betrayal

Chapter Forty-nine

Jason felt so sick to his stomach that he didn't want to even think about eating something, worried that he would have to see it again. In fact, food hadn't been something he wanted to think about for the last day or so. Normally when he felt unwell and even when he didn't want to eat he would be able to get a least a full of chicken broth down his neck without much problem. Unless the stomach issue was due to a hangover from hell, then he would just want to sleep it off before trying anything.

When the sensation first started he had worried that he had picked up the stomach bug that had been doing the rounds of the base for a few weeks. At one point half of Green Team and their instructors had gone down with it and the whole Green Team Training had been put on pause till they had been given the all-clear. The bug was a common one that always did the round but with they all in close proximity to each other it had spread like wildfire. However, thankfully only three of them had to be admitted to the medbay for fluids but they had recovered quickly. But sadly it hadn't just been Green Team who had fallen ill with it the bug. Charlie, Alpha and a few of Bravo's support had also fallen ill with the bug. Trent had gone into full medic mode and had quickly filled them in on the early symptoms of the bug. He had also set out rules to make sure that if anyone started with the symptoms they were to go into quarantine until they were well again to stop the risk of spreading it within the team.

However, Jason knew that Trent was most concerned about Clay catching this bug. Clay was healing and getting better and better by each day, but any illness would hit the kid a lot harder than any of them. The kid would power through it like normal but the stress on his body would most definitely set him back. He knew that Trent was still worried about Clay's lungs. He knew from experience that any illness after a lung injury had to be taken seriously. Clay had suffered enough already and it would kill him to think that one of his brothers could cause Clay any more pain. However, that wasn't the only problem with Clay getting sick. They had found out after a few months of having Clay with them, that any bug or illness whether it be small or big, the kid suffered more than anyone else. The simple flu would take the kid down for over two weeks if he didn't treat it quick enough. Trent had once thought that a simple case of food poisoning would be the end of their kid. He completely blamed Sonny for that one. He had taken the kid for food and had gone to try a new restaurant that had opened up in town. All Jason could say was that he was thankful the kid was home when it happened and not on some base overseas. He hated seeing any of his brothers in pain but watching what Clay had to endure was heartbreaking and something he never wanted to see again.

But thinking about how ill Clay had gotten him, got him thinking back over all the symptoms that Trent had listed and remembered that one of the first symptoms of the bug was a fever. Which he didn't have. He had rechecked it again and again as the day went on to make sure and thankfully it hadn't risen at all. He also knew that if he had caught the bug, he would have caught it days ago as he had been keeping his distance from anyone who had been near those with it.

His other option was that he had eaten something that had disagreed with him, but once again that didn't make any sense as he had not eaten anything different to what he normally did. To be fair, his eating habits had not been the most healthy as most of his diet was either takeaway, leftovers sent by Naima (which was the most healthy part of his diet), food from base or whatever he could quickly put together and eat quickly. To be fine, the last time he had made sure he had eaten something health was when Clay had been staying with him. And only because Bravo had basically moved into his place and Trent would kill him if he had found out that he hadn't really been eating well at home. He didn't mind cooking, but without having Emma or Mikey to feed too, it felt like a waste to cook for just himself.

The only thing that had changed at all was... and then it hit him. He had been unable to eat anything or stomach the idea of eating anything ever since he had dropped Clay off at the airport. But that didn't make sense, he knew Clay was safe and alive. He had gotten the text from Clay as he had ordered him too, telling him that he was safe and at his friend's place. He had questioned Clay a little about his friend Marius. He knew that he was Military and that they had been friends for a long time but that was all. He didn't want to push Clay into telling him things that he wasn't comfortable sharing. He had to respect Clay's choices. If he didn't want to tell him then he wouldn't force him.

But at the same time, Clay was asking him a lot to allow him to stay with someone he didn't know so soon after been hurt. He was still having the nightmares of seeing his broken kid lying there, soaking wet and not breathing with Trent and Archie doing everything they could for him. An image he knew was going to haunt him for a while. His train of thought was broken however by the sound of his front door opening, he never bothered to lock it if he was home. He was stupid enough to break into a place that was surrounded by military personal and their families. Many with licenses firearms at hand and the skill to use them.

"Knock knock," A voice came from the opened door. And Jason took in a sigh of relief, he was so thankful that it hadn't been Ray. His brother had threatened a few times to come round and get him if he believed he wasn't taking care of himself. But thankfully it wasn't him.

"Hey come on in Mandy, want a beer?" Jason asked as he climbed off the couch and headed to the kitchen, he needed a drink and since Mandy was here he felt like getting one as he knew that for whatever reason she was here to make his day even worse than it was before. Call it a gut feeling or whatever but he could tell that she was here for a reason and he wasn't going to like it.

"No, I'm not staying long," Mandy said as she followed Jason into the kitchen. She had never gotten a chance to ask how he was really doing. Ever since Bravo had brought Clay back she had been in meeting after meeting with her bosses from the CIA. Clay's discovery of a mole had thrown the spanner in the works. Jones had been in the service a long time and that meant they had a lot of work to go through to make sure they plugged ever leak possible. She had been left to go through his personal file and pull everything that worried her. Learning how a man who had done so much good had turned into the monster that he uses to take down scared her a little. If Jones could turn, that meant anyone could. She could. And that is what really scared her.

She had been in contact with Blackburn, getting updates on Clay and the rest of Bravo however her bosses were more interested in her assessment of Clay than anything else. To be truthful, Clay had done some pretty impressive work on this. He had worked out that Jones had betrayed them and had helped bring down not just Jones and Zurkoff but from the intel that he had kept safe, they had been able to shut down six other arms dealers that had been on their watch lists. To be fair, she wished that Bravo had been able to keep Zurkoff alive as the man would have been a treasure chest of intelligence both on his deals overseas but also his Russian connections. But her bosses didn't seem to care much about that anymore. That sturk her as a little odd, truthfully all they wanted out of her recently was everything she had learned about Clay. His history and skills. Apparently the Navy had been very forthcoming with the information.

Mandy wasn't stupid either, she could read between the lines and understood their train of thought. If Clay could help bring down as big as an arms dealer as Zurkoff alone, he could do so much more if they put him to work in the right location. She knew that the kid was smart, everyone knew that. His language skills and connections in Africa would make him a price to anyone who had him working for them. And as soon as he had learned about this little trip to South Africa, alarm bells started to ring. But more so when Jason had called her. She had quickly informed her boss about the little trip and she had been tasked to find out what it was for, the reason behind it and who's idea it was. She knew that it wouldn't be anyone of Bravo's idea as she had worked with Jason long enough to know that when one of his men were injuries he liked to keep them close by. This trip, she knew, wouldn't be something that Jason approved of. Not straight away anyway.

The simple idea of stealing Clay from Jason was something she knew would never go down well with him or Bravo, hell even Blackburn would fight it. But she knew that all Clay wanted to do was to help people, just like her. If they could work together to save lives then she knew that Clay wouldn't say no to it. Clay was born to do this job, even an idiot could see that. She just had to get Jason and the others to see that Clay could do some real good if they allowed him to. And that lays the problem. She knew Jason, sometimes better than anyone. He would fight her every step of the way. She just had to get him to see that with Clay working with them, it would make their lives a lot safer.

"Ok, so what can I do for you?" Jason asked as he opened his beer and poured the cool liquid into his mouth. He could tell that Mandy as trying to read him. She always did.

"Heard from Clay?" Mandy asked trying her best not to sound too demanding with her question. She needed Jason to open up about Clay and his trip, not shut down on her completely and kick her out. As much as she would hate the idea of splitting up her best Seal team she had, it wasn't like they wanted to take Clay permanently, just for a mission or three.

Jason paused a second, thinking Mandy's question over in his head. To be fair to Mandy, it wasn't like he had kept her informed about how the kid was doing. In fact, since they got back all his focus had been on Clay and getting him better again that he had completely forgotten to update her on his condition. He had let her know that he was leaving to see a friend in South Africa but only because she had asked him about it after Blackburn had told her. So instead of asking her why she was asking, he just said, "Yer he texted me not that long ago. Just letting me know that he had gotten there ok and was going to bed." He said with a shrug.

"You ok about all of this?" Mandy asked as she rested against the kitchen unit. She could tell that Jason was struggling to keep his emotions in check. It was clear to all to see that he wasn't happy about this trip as much as she was. She was just a lot better at hiding it.

"I'm fine," Jason said as he took another long gulp of his beer. He knew what Mandy was getting at and he wasn't going to let it affect him. He had made his peace with Clay going to South Africa. The kid needed a break and he had promised himself that he wasn't going to let his own emotions and problems upset Clay. It was the reason why he had told him to go. If Clay felt like going to see an old friend was going to help him heal then he was all for it. To be honest, the kid had surprised him so much, Clay was dealing with everything so much better than he had expected. And so much more so than he would. That may have been the reason why he had let the kid go, Clay held himself so much better than anyone else he knew. But he still couldn't stop the nagging feeling that he was missing something. Maybe he was just been paranoid.

"Sure you are..." Mandy muttered under her breath, anyone with two eyes could see that Jason was annoyed or concerned about something and since everyone else on Bravo was fine she made an educated guess and say that Clay leaving was the problem.

"What do you want Mandy?" Jason demanded, he had been ok playing this dance with Mandy but now he had had enough. Whatever Mandy wanted he wanted to know now. "I'm guessing you did come all this way to ask me if I was ok," Jason accused knowing that Mandy was here for a reason and she was dancing around her real questions which was really doing his head in. He wasn't one to be messed around with and he felt like Mandy was at this very moment. He would have been surprised if she had actually come to see him.

"You asked for a favour and I'm here to deliver on it," Mandy said shrugging her shoulders and looking at Jason directly. She had been a little taken aback when Jason had asked her for a favour in the first place, she had thought that Bravo would have done their own investigation and not wait till the last moment to ask her. She had been interested when she had heard Clay was going to Africa alone and it had been hard to find out who he was staying with without hacking into Clay's phone. Which she knew her boss wouldn't have a problem with but it would cause some real problems with the Navy if they ever found out about it.

Jason paused suddenly at her comment, he remembered what he had asked Mandy to do and had regretted it as soon as he had hit send on that text message. He knew that he should have trusted Clay a little more regarding him picking out who his friends were but he also knew how to defend himself. Clay had never mentioned anyone from his past that he was still in contact with, hell he hadn't talked about his childhood at all with them. And then out of the blue, he was flying off to another country to stay with a guy that they had no knowledge of and someone who Clay hadn't been in god knows how many years. He knew from personal experience how time could change someone.

"Doesn't matter anymore..." Jason muttered as he turned away from Mandy and placed his now empty bottle onto the unit. He had hated himself for getting Mandy to dig into Clay's friends past. He should have trusted Clay's judgement like he always did on deployment. Clay was one of his men, his brothers and at times, his kid, and he should have trusted him to know what he was doing.

"Really?" Mandy asked shocked at this chain of events, she had hoped that Jason would be bitting at the bit to get this information. It had been pretty easy to get the basics on Clay's friend. His parents, his life in Africa but his military career, well that had really tested her skills. She had been surprised about what little she could pull on the guy, but that only caused her to worry even more about the whole situation. Having a friend like that, with links to the South African Army would make it to easy for then to make Clay an offer. Something that she was seriously worried about and what she found strange with Jason. Hadn't he worked that out already? Clay was too good of a soldier to pass up. He was skilled, that was clear to see to anyone who had seen his file. And he was something that they couldn't afford to lose and most definitely not to another country.

"So you don't want to know what I able to dig up on Clay's friend?" She asked again. She had been shocked that Jason would come to her to get this information when he could have easily asked Randy who was a decent hacker when they needed him. And since Randy was one of Jason's support team so it would have made more sense for him to go to him rather than to her. But at the same time, if he had, then Blackburn and the rest of Bravo would have found out in the end. And that was clearly something that Jason wanted to avoid right now. And that confused her. If Jason was that worried about Clay that he had asked her to get the information, why hadn't he confided in Ray or Blackburn about it?

"Maybe...yes...no..." Jason literally just said what was popping in his head. He had no idea what to do about the whole situation. Normally he would ask Ray what to do but he had a feeling that his brother might not be pleased about him going behind Clay's back and getting Mandy to dig up information on one of Clay's oldest friends. Something that wouldn't sit well with his brother.

Ray trusted Clay on his decision to go see an old friend and had told them all so. Ray could see that Clay needed to see something new, other than the four walls of his apartment, base, Jason's house or the gym. The kid needed to be somewhere he felt he could truly relax. And if that meant going to South Africa then so be it. His place to find peace was always his church or with his family. Everyone had a place that they found peace. It was a matter of finding it.

"I don't know..." Jason finally admitted. Turning his back on Mandy and allowed his head to fall into his hands so he was resting against the unit. He had no idea what to think anymore. He knew that Clay was safe and happy. It said so in his message to him. The message had been simple enough, 'Made it ok, Marius picked me up and he headed to his. Had a beer and now doing to bed. I'm ok. Promise to text everyone in the morning. Hope you're still ok with all this.'

It tugged at his heart that Clay was more worried about him than about himself. The kid's heart was in the right place. Sometimes he found himself questioning if this life was really what Clay was made for. Clay still saw the beauty in the world, even in the most horrible places. A talent he hoped that would never fade. But hope wasn't a thing in their world. He knew that with time, Clay would slowly stop seeing that beauty and his world would like similar to his. Seeing only the pain and darkness. He just hoped that when that started, Clay would listen to his gut and get out. Get out of the life and spend the rest of his life seeing the real beauty in the world once more. And forget the darkness that was their existences.

"Come on Jason, you're worried that Clay might fall in love with Africa again and decide to stay," Mandy said shaking her head at Jason's behaviour. She knew that she was hitting Jason at a low point, but she had too. South Africa did offer Clay a few things that the US didn't and that was the concern with her bosses. The US had paid to train Clay into the operator he was today and they were going to do everything possible to make sure they kept him. Mandy had been tasked at that which she knew if she got Jason on her side then would be so much easier. She wasn't blind. She could easily see the father-son relationship that Jason and Clay had going between them. Hell, they all saw it. Bravo had always been a family, it was one of the reasons why they had become one of the best teams in DEVGRU. Before Clay, yes they were a family but they weren't really close. When Clay had been drafted, the family had become whole. Stronger than ever before and she wasn't about to lose that.

After a few moments of silence, she lost hope that Jason would change his mind. That maybe she had lost her one advantage over fighting to keep Clay in the US. "Fine call me if you change your mind," She said getting up and heading towards the front door. She needed to come up with a new plan of attack, maybe speak to her bosses and see what they could use to keep Clay in the Navy and in doing so keep him close in case they needed him. With Clay's contract in the Navy soon due, she knew that her bosses were coming up with a plan to offer him a place within the CIA and not as a junior agent but as a field agent straight away. They had Richie's assessment on Clay and with their fallen agent's words still useable, they had a good plan to get Clay to join.

"Wait..." A voice from behind her said. She paused and felt a smile appear on her face. She quickly dropped it and turned as Jason finished his sentence. "What did you find?"

Jason felt like he was betraying Clay's trust as soon as the words left his mouth but at the same time, on missions, they would always run a background check on anyone they were working with. Well as much as they could. And for his own peace of mind, he needed to know who Marius was? And not just the little information that Clay had given him about the man, he needed to know more. He just hatred himself for asking for it.

Mandy moved away from the door and back into the kitchen where Jason still stood. She knew that she had him on her side. She slipped into one of the bar stools and clasped her fingers together watching Jason carefully. She knew that Jason wanted the information she had been able to gather but she also could see the internal struggle that was happening inside the man. She guessed that Jason felt like he was betraying Clay's trust and all of that but at the same time she knew that Jason was a man who worried about the lives of his teammates.

"Ok then..." Mandy said as she took in a breath and then started to recall every piece of information she had been able to gather.

"His full name is Marius Francois Scholtz. Born Cape Town, South Africa to parents Mary and Frank Scholtz. Mary was a school teacher, she mainly taught English but was also gifted in French. She died of lung cancer when Marius and Clay were around twelve. Frank had been in the South African Army as a Sergeant and Instructor. He was one of their best explosive expect and it was why he taught his skills on to the next generation of bomb techs. However, he retired around about the same time Marius was born." She paused a moment to let this information sink in. She knew that she was starting with the basic information of Marius but she thought it better to tell Jason everything she had found. Also, the little information about Marius' father would explain what branch of military Marius ended up with. Apparently skills like that could pass from father to son.

"After retiring he joined the SAPS, South African Police Force. He, however, took a leave of absence when Mary was given her diagnosis. Maybe it was to spend more time with her or help her as her condition got worse. It was about five months after her diagnoses did they move to a small missionary so she could teach the children of the villages that didn't have a school. At first, it was during half terms or the summer holidays but in the end, they moved out there permanently or well for a time." Mandy paused again, she knew that Jason was hanging on to every word she said.

"Where he met Clay?" Jason asked. He had been trying to piece together what he could of Clay's childhood with what little information he could gather. He knew that Clay had left for Africa at a young age. Stayed there till he was around about seventeen or close enough, and then returned to the States and enlisted. He knew that he had no living family expect Ash so he knew that both his Grandparents were both dead. He knew more about his enemies than he did one of his own men. And that made him sick to his stomach. He was supposed to know his men, inside and out. And yet he barely knew anything about Clay at all and when he thought about it, everything they knew about the kid was from Clay or people he had served with. He knew nothing about his personal life outside of the Teams.

"I guess so..." Mandy said shrugging her shoulders. She had no idea if that was when Marius had first meet Clay but she guessed it was around about that time. "Anyway, when Mary became worse due to the cancer they returned to South Africa. From what I could find it was around about the same time Clay move to Cape Town as well. They attended school together and from what I could find were in many of the same classes." She had found out a few other things about Clay during that search but she wanted to keep it to herself for now. Clay had been a high achiever in school. He had top grades in nearly every class, won awards in sports and even played sports outside of school. She had even uncovered a few offers from professional teams after he had finished school. She had been shocked herself when she came across the offers and how much people had been willing to pay Clay if he joined them. Many would call him stupid for passing up that opportunity. But that only told her more about Clay, money wasn't a thing for Clay. Clearly. All he wanted to do was to help people.

"When he finished school, Marius followed his father's footsteps into the South African Army. From what I could find out about him he had done pretty well in the Army. Multiple commendations and medals for bravery. He even has a few joint operation medals as well." To be fair, she had been pretty impressed with Marius' career in the Army but at the same time, he was a threat to them. If he could convince Clay to stay then there was little chance they could get him to change his mind. With a sigh, she continued, "He is currently a member of their S.A.S as one of their explosives experts and from what I have been able to find, he's pretty good at it."

Jason listened to every word that came out of Mandy's mouth. But to him, her words weren't coming to him as normal. It was like the words were slowly trickling to his brain as it absorbed what she was telling him. He noticed how Mandy was avoiding mentioning Clay in her report, he knew that she must have found out more about Clay during her search on Marius but for some reason, she was keeping it to herself. A worrying sign for him but right now he couldn't bring himself to ask her why. He just didn't want to stop her when she clearly had more to say to him.

One of the points that hit him harder than he thought it would, was to hearing of another child losing their mother too young. His mind automatically went to his own kids. No child should lose one of their parents so young. But in their line of work losing their father was a common threat. Their job was dangerous and the threat of death was an everyday thing. But they prepared for that, well Alana had. He knew that she had put in place a plan for wherever she would get that knock on the door. He just always thought that she would one day get that knock and not him. She wasn't meant to die, he was. It was him who was meant to die and buried by his children. Not their mother. He was use to losing people, he had lost so many brothers over the years and knew that he could lose more at any time. That sadly was the nature of their job. It was pretty bittersweet with it. They were trained to see each other as brothers, as family and yet they could lose each other at any moment.

Then he remembered what Mandy had said about Marius' military career. He was shocked that Clay hadn't told him that his friend was special forces. Not that it bothered him, he would have to call himself a hypocrite if he had a problem with it. He had a few friends who were special forces from other countries, he wasn't close to them like Clay was with Marius but he still knew them enough to call them friends. "S.A.S?" Jason asked. Maybe Mandy had found out a little more about the man's history. He hadn't gotten much experience working with the South African S.A.S but he had heard stories. They would often hear about other countries missions from chatter or news stories. The South African Special Forces always impressed him as not many people learned about their missions, not saying that they didn't do any but their missions were a lot less public. They worked in the shadows like all Special Forces should be.

The British S.A.S were basically unknown until the Iranian Embassy Siege. Then the once-secret best fighting force in the world was on the front pages. And not just in the United Kingdom but all around the world. After that day, everyone knew who the S.A.S were. They weren't in the shadows anymore. But it was the same for them. Both the Navy Seals and Delta had been thrown into the spotlight because of their own missions. And with how the internet was growing, it felt like every single one of their missions could appear online, whether it be an article, a photo or a video posted by someone. It didn't need to be leaked like it use to be. No, anyone could post anything they wanted. Not caring how much it could hurt or damage them. But he knew that that was only the bad side of the internet. He knew that they should be held up when things went wrong but to the untrained eye, people only saw them as killers, mindless soldiers who were told where to shot and they did. Not that they had to do some horrible things in order to keep those at home and around them safe. He liked to think that he was able to save more lives than those he took.

Mandy looked at him with surprise, Jason didn't look for one minute that the news that Clay's friend was Special Forces as a bad thing. Instead, he didn't give anything away which annoyed her. Why didn't he see that danger in that? With a deep breath, she continued, "Yer for the last four years." She added. Marius may have a few more years in the Special Forces than Clay but that only meant that he would be able to see what Clay could offer if he stuck at it a little longer.

"So at least he will know a little of what Clay is going through," Jason said shrugging his shoulders as he picked up his beer bottle and placed it in the recycling bin. He had been worried that maybe Marius couldn't help Clay like they could. Being part of Special Forces was different from being part of the regular forces. They dealt with things that others didn't. But he now could take a breath, Marius could understand a little about Clay was feeling without having to know details about their option.

Mandy froze for a second, did Jason mean what she thought he meant? The whole operation into Zurkoff was classified. Yes, the man had hurt not only their men and women but this mission was theirs. Hell, she was still getting hell from her bosses for allowing them to draft in the British Navy. She hadn't been happy about it at the time, but they needed to find where Zurkoff was hiding. And the thought that they would be involving another country who had no business in knowing what had happened, she knew that with the chatter that they had been able to pick up most people knew that Zurkoff was long dead, just not who had done it. "Jason...he can't..." She started to say, she had a feeling that Jason didn't mean what she thought he did but she had to make sure.

Jason paused for a moment as she opened her mouth and when he heard her words, he immediately understood that he had confused her when he had said that Marius could help Clay deal with his problems. "Give mission detail's?" He asked just checking that he understood her concern.

When Mandy nodded, he quickly corrected himself, "He knows that but at least Marius will have some understanding with what is going on inside his head. Help him deal with his demons. Stuff that he clearly doesn't want to talk about with us." He hadn't been blind to how quiet Clay sometimes went around them. And he hadn't been the only one, Derek and Full Metal had both pulled him up on it. They too were concerned about Clay's mental health. Physically the kid was nearly ready, but it was the mental part that worried him. They all could hide behind their masks but when things got too bad they normally could see them slip and that was when they knew their brother was in trouble. But with Clay, the kid's mask was too tightly attached. It was mainly only his eyes that gave him away. And only when it got really bad.

He often kicked himself for not being able to read Clay as well as the others. But then again, he knew more about them than he did Clay. He wished it was different, that Clay would one day open up to him, tell him about his life. Something that would allow him to understand the kid maybe a little better. He knew that he shouldn't but he always felt like Clay was more of a lost child trying to him his home than a Navy Seal. To be fair, the kid had been moved around a lot. And the Navy mustn't have felt very homely when they found out who his father was. Yes, they had good reason to hate Ash Spenser. He had betrayed the brotherhood. But that wasn't Clay's fate. He didn't choose to be Ash's son. And what was worse was that he had been one of those people who had judged him because of who he was related too.

In the beginning, all he could see was another Spenser in the Navy, and all they were waiting for was him to pick up a few missions and then leave to write a book about them or worse, tell his father details so he could write another book. But over time and Ray's nagging he realises that Clay was nothing like his old man, he was shy, quiet, but also smart, talented and good at his job. Sure he had a huge ego but after everything he had done, hell, even he would have an ego that big. And at the same time, he got to get to know a young man that only wanted to help others. Someone who he could see as leading Bravo when he was done. That was what Ray had seen in the kid. Their next 1IC, and it now wasn't just him who could see it. Everyone in DEVGRU could now.

Clay was a born leader and others seem to follow him automatically when he gave them orders. Thinking back to the helo crash, he vividly remembered hearing Clay being the one given the orders. He had to read the AAR report afterwards to make sure he hadn't imagined it after they had gotten back. Trent and Derek who both outranked Clay and were on their feet followed Clay's orders without question. He had asked Trent why afterwards and all he could tell him was that he just did it. No explanation or reason, he just did it. Same with Derek. He had followed Clay without question. That didn't happen normally, with him out of action, really Derek as next highest ranking should have taken charge but he hadn't instead he had focused on the wounded along with Trent and left Clay to organise everything. And the kid hadn't let them down, he had kept them alive till help arrived and then had gotten them out of there without losing anyone else.

He was brought out of his head by Mandy's next statement, she had muttered it but he had heard it clear as day. "Or convince him to change sides..." He looked at her shocked at her statement. What the hell was Mandy on?

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jason demanded. He wasn't having anyone question any of his men's loyalty in front of him. Nope. That wasn't happening.

Mandy scoffed and shook her head. How stupid was Jason being? "Come on Jason. Think about it. Clay is a Navy Seal, Tier One Operator who speaks more languages than anyone else in the DEVGRU, is extremely good with a rifle and is a born operator but who also has joint citizenship with South Africa meaning he could enlist with them if he wanted too, all he has to do is name his price and they will take him without a second thought. He is something that we can not afford to lose." She said, she felt himself start to talk to Jason like she would a child. He was been very naive if he didn't like other forces wouldn't be interested in Clay if they knew he record and more so if already had citizenship with them.

That had been her main worry. It had come as a bit of a shock when she found out that he was still classed as a South African citizen, she had thought that he would have had to give that up when he enlisted in the Navy but it looked like that had been overlooked. Which was now a real problem for her.

"Something?" Jason growled, did Mandy just refer to Clay as a something. "Hell Mandy, what the hell is your problem?" Jason growled again. He wasn't about to let someone disrespect one of his men like that. Clay wasn't a something, he was a person. A kid, who had been through a lot lately and needed all the help he could get.

"Its nothing..." Mandy sighed as she got off her seat, she knew now that she was going to get nothing out of Jason now. She knew that tone, it was one he used when his level of anger was about to reach boiling point and then no one, not even Ray could talk him down.

"Don't 'its nothing' me Mandy, what is going on?" Jason demanded moving to block her exit. There was no way he was about to let her just walk out with everything she had said and not give him the answers he wanted.

Mandy sighed again as she adjusted her jacket, if Jason wanted the truth then he was going to get it. She knew that he wouldn't be happy about it but at the end of the day Jason and to follow orders as they all did. "Fine. Jason think about it, Clay took down a traitor within the CIA itself, he managed to get us intel on multiple arms dealers worldwide, and he did that all by himself with no backup. My bosses like what they saw; if he is that good on his own then think about what he could do..."

"No." Jason snapped as he heard Mandy's excuse. He could feel the anger that he had been feeling before erupt in him. Mandy hadn't been checking up on Clay as a friend but for her bosses who had gotten it into their heads that they could call for Clay whenever they wanted. Clay wasn't for sale. Nor was he about to let his kid be loaned out to an agency who had just about nearly got him killed.

"Let me finish," Mandy asked but she knew the answer to that question. Jason was a brilliant person but he got tunnel vision with nearly everything that even brought up the idea of him losing a member of his team. She should have known it was too soon to bring up the idea and should have left it till Clay had been cleared to return and then speak to him alone. But little too late now, she thought to herself. Jason wouldn't allow himself to see how much good Clay could do for their country. He could eliminate threats without having to call them out which meant that everyone else on Bravo could spend more time with their families. Jason could reconnect with his kids. All she wanted to do was do what was best and getting Clay to work with them was one of the better ideas.

"No..." Jason started to say and he could feel himself physically shaking with anger. "No..." He started again but then had to stop again. He couldn't believe Mandy would even bring him that idea. Did she not know him at all? He would rather be in the firing line than anyone of his men. Clay being no different, god, he was even more protective over the kid. With a deep breath, he started again. "Clay is Navy, not CIA. You can tell your bosses to piss off and fucking forget any ideas about using Clay again." He could feel himself start to calm but then the idea of losing Clay was making it fight him with every second. His anger wanted to explode and he had the right mind to let it but what good would that do him? None. "Look at what happened when he worked with your lot, he barely made it." He added as the image of Clay not breathing appeared in his mind.

"That's not your call Jason and that wasn't our fault. Jones..." Mandy said, trying her best to defend her agency, yes they had missed that Jones was betraying them but it wasn't their fault. He had betrayed them all. But also she knew that if the Navy Command liked the idea then Jason couldn't say no to it. However, she knew that the mission hadn't helped their relationship with the Navy. Not one bit. Yes, this time they had Admiral Mason's permission but she knew that he wouldn't give it again.

"Like hell it was." Jason snapped. "The CIA had a mole inside itself, you all missed that and Clay suffered because of your mistake." Jason never wanted to leave Clay in the position where he felt that he was alone. No, he had a team that he could trust to have his back a hundred and ten per cent. "Clay is Navy, my guy, mine. He trusts me as I trust him and I am not about to lose that trust because I sent him away with people I don't even trust." That was the end of the conversation. He turned his back on her and walked towards the living room. Right now all he wanted to do was collect his keys and drive to base to give Blackburn the heads up on what the CIA was doing. Hell he would even call Admiral Mason if he thought it would help, Clay was his godson after all and he had told him to call him if he needed him for anything. And this sounded like a problem that he would need to know about.

"So that's why you asked me to pull a background check on his friend? You don't trust him." Mandy asked and with her words, Jason froze. It was clear to her that Jason didn't trust Clay as much as he said he did. Maybe even less since he had left the country to deal with his 'problems' as Jason put it. "And don't tell me you do coz to me, you're just as worried as we all are about him not wanting to come back," Many accused. She didn't care if she hurt his feelings coz she knew she was speaking the trust.

"Get out," Jason growled. If Mandy had been a man, he would have laid her out but he held himself back.

"Fine but think about what I said. Clay had more reason to stay in South Africa than to come back here. See for yourself." She said as she few a piece of paper at him before storming out.

Jason caught the paper but didn't move to look at it until he heard his front door slam closed. He needed to calm himself down before he opened it. Whatever was written on this piece of paper, he believed was the reason for Mandy's little visit. With another breath, he slowly made his way back to the couch and lowered himself into it. He knew that he shouldn't have lost it with Mandy but he couldn't help it. She was helping someone break up his family. He remembered when Commander Shaw had tried and failed at that before. But the feeling that his family could be ripped away from him made him physically sick to his stomach.

His team was his family. And he would fight to the death for them.

Slowly he opened the piece of paper in his hand starred at the words tapped onto it, along with the official seal on it. He couldn't believe what he was reading, he didn't want to but it was clear as day right in front of him. Was Mandy right? Had he lost him already or was there time to stop it? What the hell was he going to do now?


	50. Lion's Head

Chapter Fifty

"Well that it...I'm going to die," Johan said as he threw his body onto the ground as soon as they reached the top. God, how did he use to think this fun was beyond him. He was getting too old for this crap; if he didn't have to keep fit for his work then he would never exercise again. But he wasn't going to risk never flying again. Flying was his passion, he had loved flying ever since he was a child. And that passion only grew as he got older. Since he was a little boy, he wanted to be a pilot. He didn't care what type of pilot, as long as he could fly and which was why he had joined the Air Force.

The only problem he had when he had joined was what aircraft would he train to fly. And that had been a hard choice for him, he loved both of them. But he couldn't train to fly both of them. Even if he wished he could. So he had been given the hard to choice to pick between the super-fast fighter jets like the JAS 39 Gripen or the BAE Systems Hawk. Both were impressive crafts and filled his love for speed. Or he could choose the brilliant and life-saving choppers. Like the Atlas Oryx, the Westland Super Lunz Mk.300 or even better the Denel Rooivalk Mk.1 Attack helo. It had taken him a long weekend and a few beers to finally decide what he wanted to do. It had been a hard choice, but in the end, he knew that he would be much happy knowing that he could save his brothers by getting them out of dangerous situations than he would be just flying past and having to watch from up high knowing that the only thing that he could do was to send a rocket at the enemy but at the risk of his brothers and sisters on the ground.

However, he hadn't stuck to a single helo. Like Clay, he had a love of learning new things but unlike his little brother, he could turn it off when the subject didn't interest him. He had trained to fly ever since helo that the air force had to offer. He even got asked to train other pilots but his people skills weren't that great and after he told one of his trainees to shut the fuck up before he threw him out of the helo when he asked him a stupid question, he wasn't asked again after that which he was thankful for.

As he took in a few deep breaths he shook his head, who's idea was it to climb Lion's head this early was beyond him? Normally he wasn't out of bed till after lunch when he had time off, catching up on lost sleep from when he was away. He loved his brothers and if they thought that this 'little' hike as Marius had put it (he made a quick reminder to kill him later about his choice of words later) would help Clay then he was all for it. As kids, the four of them were as thick as thieves and did pretty much everything together. That had all ended when Clay had returned to the States.

He hatred Clay's grandmother for making him go, he hated Clay for going but more so he hated himself for hating Clay. He knew that his brother would never abandon his Grandmother, he was the only family she had left that truly cared about her. For as long as Johan had known Clay, he had never met Clay's father nor heard anyone mention him. Clay hadn't said anything about getting a letter or a call from his dad but he had a feeling that talking about the man was a sore subject for his little brother and he wasn't going to bring it up if it hurt him. Right now, his little brother looked like one bad memory and the flood gates would open showing them all how broken their little brother truly was. Maybe that was what Clay needed, he didn't have to pretend with them. He could scream and shout all he wanted and they wouldn't judge him. He never did when they used him as their soundboard so why would they judge when he needed them for a change. That's what family was for.

"Don't think you are," Chester said as he put his bag down on the ground and took a swig of his water bottle. He really enjoyed hiking and often did it when he was home but he was still worried that maybe this hike was a little too much for Clay's lungs. He had made sure that Clay didn't do anything that could cause damage to his already stressed system. Marius had filled him in on Clay's injuries but Marius had gotten that information from Clay himself and he knew his little brother. He had a feeling that Clay wasn't telling them the full truth about his injuries. When they were kids, Clay was the one that never openly admitted being injured or when they finally got it out of him, he would always downplay them.

He had spent the night before their hike, packing his medkit to make sure that he had everything he needed in case something happened to their little brother. He didn't know what could happen to them but he needed to make sure he was prepared for anything. As a doctor, he had access to a lot more equipment and drugs than what was used by paramedics. He had trained as a doctor so he could save those he cared about. He had started out as a medic on one of the ships and he loved it. He loved helping those he worked with, he had become a soundboard to a lot of his crewmates but his passion for helping people pushed him to go for his doctorate. And that love for helping people had caused him to volunteer at the local hospitals whenever they needed cover along with his shifts at the Naval Hospital.

One of the things that scared him the most was not been able to save someone he cared about. He had to intubate his own father when he had suffered a heart attack a year ago. It had been the scariest thing he had ever done. He had done the procedure a thousand times but doing it on someone he loved had really shaken him. He knew that he had, in turn, saved his father from permanent brain damage but at the same time, no man should have to be forced to stick a tube down his father's throat after basically putting him into a drug-induced coma.

He uses to patch Clay up when they were kids and the rest of the brothers. Which made him an expert in reading Clay, more so than anyone else. He could tell when Clay was downright lying about his injuries or when he was just lying that he had them. He needed to be on his game with Clay, he needed to know if Clay had any problems with any of his injuries so he could get ahead of it before it got worse. He knew that his little brother was tough, god, he knew only of few people who could deal with what Clay carried around with them.

He also knew that Clay had a very high pain threshold as well. It had caused Clay more trouble than anything else, his little brother didn't have a limit when it came down to how far he could push himself. And more so when it came down to risking his own life when others were in danger. That was one of Clay's many faults, he cared too much about others that he would willingly risk his own life if it meant someone else could go home safe. But it was what he loved about the kid. His big heart was what drew others to him. But it also allowed him to get hurt a lot earlier. And that was the one thing that he hated to see, his little brother hurt.

As soon as he saw Clay in person he knew what Marius had been talking about. There was something clearly off with their little brother. At first glance, Clay looked fine. A little sore, he could tell that by the way that Clay was holding himself but from what he could see Clay was healing. But after a few minutes of watching him in Marius' kitchen, he had seen a few warning signs that alerted him to the fact that Clay was holding something back. And whatever that was, was basically destroying him from in the inside out. Which was why he was counting on this hike to get Clay to finally open up about whatever was bothering him. Lion's head wasn't just a trial run for them, it was where they could find somewhere quiet and peaceful to talk without interruptions. They needed to get Clay to talk and somewhere that he wouldn't feel so trapped. He didn't want to cause Clay any more pain than he was already feeling but he couldn't continue that forever.

Johan looked up at his brother with added a shocked looked to his face but couldn't hide the small smile on his face. "You don't know that," He accused. Chester might be a doctor but he didn't know what was happening inside a man's body. He also knew that Chester knew that he was lying about dying as if Chester had been worried about him, he would be getting the works right about now. That was just Chester's instinct, he cared. Maybe a little too much sometimes. He could physically see Chester fighting his instincts to give Clay a once over.

His brother was unconsciously moving ever closer to Clay, his little brother had settled himself on one of the rocks just off the main path, they had settled themselves where they normally did when they walked the trail. There was a small sitting place just off the path at the top of the mountain. They could tell that Clay was even now, struggling with something. But it had nothing to do with his physical health. Even an idiot could see that. Whatever was going on with him was inside and whatever it was, it was winning.

"Yes I do," Chester said shaking his head at Johan. He loved his little brother, he did but sometimes he wanted to slap him. Johan was an idiot. They knew that but at the same time, he knew what Johan was really doing. Johan was trying to distract them from the real problem, even just for a little time.

"You're a doctor, not a fortune teller," Chester said taking a drink as he watched Clay with his peripheral vision. Clay smiled at his comment, which warmed his heart a little. At least Clay could still smile. That was all that mattered.

"How are you feeling?" Chester asked as he knelt down and opened his bag, looking up at Clay telling his little brother that his question was aimed at him and no one else.

"I'm good," Clay said nodding his head. He knew what Chester was doing, he didn't really mind Chester asking him as he knew that it didn't matter what he said, Chester wouldn't believe him. He knew that he couldn't lie to his brother like he could with Trent. But to be fair to Trent, he had been learning. He knew more about him now than he ever did before but he still couldn't read him as well as Chester could.

"Good, here..." Chester said, shaking his head a little as he said it. Then he dug around his bag and pulled out another water bottle and threw it at Clay who caught it immediately. The kid's skills hadn't changed, he was still as quick as ever before. The kid always could see things that others either missed or didn't see. Seeing that Clay's instincts hadn't changed but in fact, had improved dramatically, was something that he didn't expect but was proud to see.

"...drink up," Chester said as he saw the look on Clay's face as he looked at the bottle. They all needed to keep hydrated, but more importantly, they needed to keep Clay hydrated. He had made sure that he had packed a couple of extra bottles of water with him in case Clay needed them.

"How many of these did you bring?" Clay asked holding up the bottle so he understood the question. They had taken a few extra stops on the way up for breaks and a drink. But every time they had stopped today, Chester had made sure that he had drunk at least half a bottle of water each time. It annoyed him a little but he knew that Chester was only trying his best for him. Chester's medical mind always ran at a hundred miles per hour. It always did. He would analyse everything they did when they weren't a hundred per cent.

"Enough and now drink," Chester said with a smile and took a drink himself from his own bottle. He was still kicking himself for not pushing Clay for a full check-up before he allowed them to take on this hike. But at the same time, he needed to trust his little brother. Like he had always done.

"Yes sir," Clay muttered as he poured the water into his mouth, strangely enough, the water was still cool. He had thought it odd that Chester's bag was at least twice as big as it normally was. He knew that Chester had brought his full kit with him but that wouldn't cause the bag to near split.

"Good now..." Chester said moving towards Clay and knelt down next to him, Clay might have talked him out of doing a full medical check on him at Marius' house but he was checking him over now even if he didn't want him too. "...keep your wrist still." He added grabbing hold of Clay's arms and started to count Clay's pulse in his wrist.

"Why? Chester, I'm fine." Clay moaned as he tried to pull his wrist from Chester's grasp. If he was going to be honest with himself, he was shattered. His chest hurt a little but that was to be expected with what he had just done, his doctors had warned him that if he did too much then his lungs could suffer. They had given him the go-ahead to exercise and train with including hiking but they had warned him of the consequences of pushing himself too far.

He knew that maybe this hike wasn't the best idea but at the same time, he needed this. Lion's head was one of the few places that he could find true peace. He was thankful that his brothers had come up with the idea when they did because god did he need it. He was with the three people that knew him better than anyone else. Well, there was one other but he hadn't seen that person for years and he doubted that he would ever again. Not unless he showed himself to him.

But Marius, Chester and Johan had been his brothers for years. They could read him like no other, even better than he could read himself. It annoyed him that others could read him like that but he had complete trust in the three men that were surrounded him. He could relax complete with them and know that they didn't hold him to a higher standard than himself. They never judged him, no matter how stupid he could be. Hell half the things that he got into trouble for as a kid, they had gotten into trouble together. They never left him to take the blame alone, even when he had told them to leave him to take the blame alone. They wouldn't, not even when it was his idea in the first place.

"I'll be the judge of that," Chester muttered as he finished counting Clay's pulse. It was a little higher than he would like but counting in the factors that they had just beaten their time, it was to be expected. But he was still a little worried about Clay's breathing. His brother's breathing was on the heavy side but once again that could be explained by the hike. Without having a listen to Clay's chest with his stethoscope he couldn't work out if Clay was starting to become congested or if it was just the hike.

"Will you leave him alone, he kept up with me and I've not done this for over a year," Johan said as he sat up so he could see his brothers more clearly and grabbed his own bottle of water. He smiled at knowing what both Marius and Chester were doing. They both were hovering over Clay like two overprotective parents over their first child. It was funny to see but at the same time, he felt sorry for his little brother as normally it was him who was the child in their weird relationship. After Clay had gone, he had been the youngest and the one they worried about but sadly they had all drifted apart when their careers had taken off.

Come to think of it, Clay had been their glue to their friendship. After Clay had gone back to the States, their little friendship group had splintered into barely anything. They had focused on their careers over their friendship and had neglected their friendship. Something that they all regretted. Their friendship had once been as strong as brothers and they had thought that nothing would destroy that. Now that Clay was back and they were back together, he found that he had a piece of himself missing for all of those years. A piece of himself that he had missed so much.

Chester glared at Johan with a look that told him to shut up now before he pushed him over the edge. "Yer..." He said shaking his head. "...but you haven't had major surgery and/or a punctured lung," Chester added. Sometimes his brothers were so stupid.

"And what has been your excuse?" Marius asked grinning and looking at Johan. He loved watching someone else argue with Johan as it was normally him who did it. He loved his brothers he did, but Johan always seems to get on his nerve at times which started the arguments. When they were kids, they would bicker so much that people couldn't believe that they were in fact friends. They wouldn't stop until they either burned out from arguing too much or Clay told them to shut up and let it go.

Johan grinned as he poured his own water into his mouth, allowing it to sit there for a moment before swallowing it. Then he just shrugged his shoulders and added, "I'm lazy."

"We know that," Marius said shaking his head as he finished off his own water bottle and sat down on the floor with his legs out in front of him.

Clay couldn't help but laugh at the comment, even as kids, Johan would be the last one to suggest they did anything physical. He even asked them to go and watch a film instead of a hike or a run. He basically did anything possible so he didn't have to exercise. But they loved him for it. He was so much fun when he got going or when he had thought of some cool new game for them to play. However, some of those ideas did get them into trouble. A drunken rugby match came to mind. Thankfully they had managed to get off the field and home before the police got onto them. Apparently a few of the neighbours around the rugby field had complained about the noise. They had hidden at his place till the morning and had thankfully sobered up enough to come up with a cover story for their parents. His grandmother had taken her sleeping pill and slept through them bursting into the house and didn't question why they were all there in the morning.

God, he missed this. Just hanging around with his three best friends. Liking to them argue it took him back to the last time they were up here. That trip had been filled with so much emotion that it hurt to even think about it now. But they had to do it. They had to spend their last day together, away from their parents and in a place that he knew so well.

There was always part of him that wished that after his Grandmother's passing he had returned to South Africa and live here permanently. This place had been his home for nearly all of his childhood. He guessed that was why he had such a strong connection with the place. And why he had missed it so much.

"I've missed this..." He said quietly, it hadn't been directed at anyone but mainly to himself but as Chester was still next to him his older brother had heard it.

"Missed what? Listening to these two argue?" He asked with a smile and pointed at Johan and Marius who were still bickering like him and Clay weren't there at all.

"Maybe..." Clay said with a smile, god, did he miss his brothers' voices. Even the arguments. Really he missed everything about them. He loved Bravo, he did. They were his new family but at the same time, they couldn't be compared to his brothers that were before him. They had been his rock, his strength for so long that he couldn't just replace them. Not that he thought he could. They had seen him at his best and worse and never had treated him differently. "...but really just being around you guys is what I miss the most," Clay admitted with a sigh.

He hated himself for not coming to see them earlier. There were so many times that he wished he had just plucked up the courage to get on a plane and come back to his home. But every time he went to do it, he couldn't. He couldn't get himself to buy a ticket and come home. He had no idea why he just couldn't do it.

"You know where we are," Johan piped up and Clay jumped a little. He hadn't expected Marius and Johan to hear his little comment but he should have expected that they would have. Whenever he got emotional or quiet, anything that passed his lips were picked up on. Even if he muttered quietly.

"Johan," Marius scowled and slapped Johan's arm hard.

"No..." Clay said more clearly this time shaking his head as the words left his mouth. "...he's right. Haven't been a good friend lately have I?" He asked looking down at his hands. He had basically abandoned them when he left for the States. He had tried to stay in contact with them all. But in the end, he had only kept in touch with Marius and only because he often checked up on how Frank was doing. Also talking to Marius was a lot earlier since he too was Special Forces. But he knew that he was just making up excuses for his own actions. That only pissed him off more. What type of brother was he that he would just forget his brothers?

"Clay stop it..." Chester snapped taking hold of Clay's forearm. What he really wanted to do was to smack Clay over the head for thinking such things, but with the head injury already, he didn't want to risk it. "...life gets in the way. And our jobs aren't what you call normal are they. Your a Seal, Johans a pilot, Marius is off somewhere with the S.A.S and I'm between tours and the hospital." He added looking at the others as he mentioned them. They all were to blame for this. Each and every one of them. If they had all just made an effect then maybe they would have remained close but they hadn't and over the years they had just drifted apart. But they were nothing they could do about that now. They couldn't change the past. All they could do was to promise each other and themselves that they wouldn't let it happen again. They had gotten each other back and they weren't about to lose each other again.

"No, but still I should have..." Clay said shaking his head, all of this was his fault. He had caused his brothers pain. Something he never wanted to do again.

"No buts, we all should have been better at keeping in touch," Chester argued. He knew that he was fighting a losing battle. If Clay had gotten it into his head that this was his fault then nothing would change his mind. All they could do was try to get him to understand that they all shared the blame but he had a feeling that they wouldn't win this fight.

"Since you're not going to believe us anytime soon, can we eat now?" Johan said looking at Clay. He, like the others, knew that there was no point fighting Clay on the topic. All they would be doing was wasting oxygen.

Marius shook his head at Johan's comment. He knew that Johan had been right and that Clay wouldn't believe them until he allowed himself to let go of some of the blame. "Arent, you dying?" He asked looking at Marius but his eyes were switching between him and Clay. At his comment, he saw small smirk appear on Clay's face. A welcomed sign that Clay was starting to relax a lot more now than he was before.

"Yes for food," Johan said smiling broadly at Marius and then winking at Clay. Clay knew that Johan was pushing Marius to get a reaction. All he could do was shake his head at his brother's behaviour, the idea of food both made him feel sick but also hungry at the same time. Before this, he wished that he could have some of the same meals that he had had when he was younger as he missed the amazing food. But at the thought of the food also caused his stomach to twist into a knot. It was why he hadn't been eating as much and as often as he usually did. He just simply hated the idea of food right now. He had no idea why but then again, he hadn't really brought it up with his doctors as he knew that the second he did so, his training would be stopped till they could find out why. There was one idea that had come to mind but he hoped he was wrong. That his problem wasn't physically but mentally. And that scared him even more.

"Unbelievable..." Marius said rolling his eyes but then turned his attention to Chester who had started to open his bag wider to show multiple containers. "So what are we eating?" He asked as Chester started to pull them all out.

"A feast," Chester said shaking his head. He knew that his parents loved them and always gave them extra when they ordered from the restaurant but even he thought that they may have gone a touch overboard with this one. "My parents heard you were back and we were doing this so they made us lunch," He explained when he saw the shocked look on Clay's face as he unpacked their dinner. To be fair, he was shocked at how much they had made and he was their son.

"Is that what's in the backpack?" Clay asked.

"Yep." Chester nodded, knowing what Clay was asking for. His bag had weighed a lot heavier than a simple medical bag. Well, simple, was putting it lightly. But with all that food came cooling blocks that his mother had put around the food. "We have some Braai nyama, Boerewors, Biltong and they have thrown in some Koeksisters for us," Chester said pointing at each container as he placed them down on the ground.

The Koeksisters had been still warm when his mother had given them and the smell had drove him crazy when she had placed them in the box to go in his bag. He had so wanted to eat them but knew better than to try to eat them in front of his mother who was very handy with a wooden spoon.

"We are going to need to be airlifted off here after this," Johan said shaking his head as his eyes grew bigger as each container was brought out. He loved Chester's mom's cooking. She was an angel in the kitchen and didn't mind them taking over the restaurant whenever they needed it. When he had made it in his unit, he had invited them all to her restaurant and after that one trip, it had become a little like a hot spot for anyone in the forces. They had even opened another restaurant close to another base because it had gotten so popular.

Looking at the number of containers, he had a feeling that he was not going to be able to walk down on his own two feet. Maybe after a nap.

"We'll be fine," Marius said shaking his head as he started to open some of the containers. As soon as the smell of the food hit his nose, all he wanted to do was to grab a spoon and dig in.

"Speak for yourself," Johan said as he grabbed some of the biltong even before Chester managed to pit the container down.

"So we are just going to have a picnic here?" Clay asked. They had done this before when they were kids but never with this much food.

"Yep... Got a problem with that?" Chester asked after he nodded his head. He was still busy pulling out forks and spoons that his mother had given him, along with military mess tins that he had brought along with him. He had a feeling that he was going to need them. He quickly handed them out to them all, they were going to need them. His mother had really made them a feast.

Clay smiled and looked at the food in front of him. God, did he miss South African food. When he had first moved to America, it took him a while to get use to some of their food. Thinking back, it had taken him a while to get use to a lot of things when he moved to the States. He had also had to lose a few things when he moved. His accent for one. When he was too tired or stressed he often found himself falling back on his old accent and his first language.

"I'm not holding you if you throw up again," He said as he poured some of the braai nyama into his tin, but made sure that he looked at Marius when he said it.

"Same," Johan called out as he raised his hand with a mouth full of boerewors.

"Shut up, that was once," Marius moaned, he was never going to live that down, was he?

"Twice..." Chester chimed in when he swallowed a mouth full of braai nyama. He then remembered the one other time Marius had thrown up on this hike, "if you count the time you had food poisoning." He said shrugging his shoulders with a smile. He loved messing with his brothers, even just a little bit.

"Let's just eat," Marius moaned as he hung his head down and concentrated on the food in his tin. He hated his brothers sometimes.

"Hows much did they make?" Clay asked looking at how full the containers were and they weren't the smallest of containers to start with. There was enough food to feed a full unit. Way too much for the four of them. Even if it was meant to last them all day.

"Apparently enough to feed four growing boys," Chester said, basically repeating what his mother had told him when he had asked.

"According to your mother, we are still fifteen," Johan added pointing at Chester.

Chester smiled and shook his head. He knew that Johan was right, his parents never saw the big Navy Doctor he had become but the fifteen-year-old teenager. They weren't going to change any time soon nor did he want them too. "She's not going to change," He said as he picked up a piece of the biltong.

For the next twenty minutes, they just ate, occasionally making a comment but no deep talking. They just enjoyed spending time together, eating the food that they loved and enjoying the view around them. Clay couldn't take his eyes off the view that surrounded them. God did he miss this. Looking out over the point, he saw the ocean. It was clear blue and calm. Not long ago, the sea uses to calm him. Now he was terrified of it. Not that long ago, it had meant to be his grave. And no one got over that quickly.

When he was a kid, they had always gone to the beach. He was either surfing, diving, fishing or just swimming in the sea without a care in the world. He had never been afraid of the sea, he was wary of it and knew that he needed to respect it but never scared. Not until now.

"What's going on in that big head of yours?' Marius asked breaking Clay's chain of thought.

Clay looked up and noticed that all three of them were looking at him. He had no idea how long he had been staring out to the ocean but by the look that his brothers were giving him, he had a feeling that it had been a while. "I'm just thinking," He said shrugging his shoulders. He really didn't want to talk about it but he had a feeling that his brothers weren't going to let him leave this mountain top without talking to them.

"Yer that's what worries us," Johan muttered under his breath but they all heard it.

"Thanks," Clay grunted as he went back to his food. He really was just playing with it, but if it meant that his brothers would back off then he was all for it.

"What's going on?" Chester asked softly. He knew from past experience that he couldn't push Clay too hard or he would clam up immediately.

Clay sighed and bowed his head, closing his eyes. He really didn't want to do this, but he knew that his brothers wouldn't do anything to hurt him. They would just listen to him. He did trust his brothers on Bravo but back there, in the States, he had to be the tough Navy Seal that wasn't affected by anything. They had to count on him out there, how could they do that when they were worried about him losing it on a mission?

With another sigh Clay just shrugged his shoulders again and said, "Just wondering what my life would be like if I'd never left here." It had been a thought that had been playing inside his head the moment he had landed back in the country. As soon as he had stepped foot out of the airport, he could feel himself relax without a second thought. Maybe this was his home after all.

"You'd be in the S.A.S with Marius," Johan said with his mouth once again full of braai nyama. He had no idea what was going on in Clay's head but he had a feeling that this was one of his problems.

"You'd be doing whatever you wanted to do and we would have your back either way," Chester said shaking his head at Johan's comment. When they were little, he always knew that Clay would do something that allowed him to help others. Clay was the type of person who would do anything for anyone. It didn't matter what that job would be but if he could help people then he would do it.

"I know that..." Clay said as he rested his head onto his hand. He knew that his brothers would have his back no matter what he did but at the same time, would they?

"Then what's going on?" Chester asked putting his tin down on the floor and turned his full attention to Clay.

"Have you ever looked back on your life and wondered was this it?" Clay asked looking at the tin in his hand. He didn't want to look at his brothers at all now. He was scared at what he would see, would they be disappointed in him? Would they call him stupid? Would they tell him to shut up and get over it?

"What do you mean?"Marius asked confused. He had put his own mess tin down on the floor, the same as Chester. He had a feeling that something was going on with Clay and since their kid brother was openly talking without been forced too, he wasn't going to stop him.

"That this was it? That the life that you are living now was the one you were meant to have?" Clay said, looking up at them for the first time. These questions had been playing in his head for weeks, he just didn't know who he could talk too without it getting around the whole team. They had done too much for him already, he didn't need to burden them with his problems anymore. He should be able to look after himself, shouldn't he?

"Where's this coming from?" Marius asked. He had heard Clay question himself before but never like this. His little brother sounded so defeated. It broke his heart to hear it. Clay had never sounded like that before.

Clay sighed and he could feel the dam about to break again. His eyes started to well up. Fuck, what the hell was wrong with him? "Just lately, I don't know if I want to go back after I'm cleared." He finally admitted. When he had sat in the training field and told Jason that he was coming back, he hadn't been lying but lately, he felt like he would never be ready. That he was damaged goods and no use to anyone.

"Why?" Chester asked softly.

"I don't know." Clay cried out looking up at the sky. How did someone put into words that he was terrified to do the thing that he uses to love? "I use to get so excited about operating and going on missions. Being a Tier One was something I've wanted for years. To prove that I'm better than my father. I use to feel like I was making a difference but lately, whenever I hear the guys phones go off or I get asked to go as a translator, I just feel fear." Clay admitted as he ran his fingers through his hair. He hated himself for putting all this on them but he could stop himself. The words were coming out whether he liked it or not.

"That's normal after what you're been through," Marius said, he didn't know all the details about what had fully happened with Clay but he had a feeling that it would be wrapped tight in tape. But he knew more than the others, and he wasn't going to bring it all up now when they had just started to get him to open up.

"I know but how can I go back when the very thought of my phone going off makes me physically shake?" Clay yelled. As soon as the words left his mouth he kicked himself for yelling. He wasn't angry at them but at himself. He hated himself for being so scared. He was meant to be better than this. He was a Tier One Operator. The best of the best and yet he was scared. Maybe he wasn't up to it anymore.

"It will take time but it will go away. Like it did when you got back after the bombing," Marius said softly. He had only seen Clay explode only a few times and right now, he was seeing all the warning signs that Clay was coming close. He loved Clay, he really did and he didn't want to see him hurt but from how he was acting at the moment he had a feeling that maybe Clay had kept all this argue and pain in too long.

"But it didn't." Clay moaned. He hated to admit that he was weak, but it was the truth. He was such a failure. "I was a wreck on that op, I couldn't even hold my weapon straight for the first two days and even after that, it kept shaking. How am I meant to do my job if I can't stop shaking?" He said shaking his head as he said it. He knew that he couldn't talk about the op at length but as long as he kept the details out he should be fine.

When they had arrived in Turkey, his hand was shaking so much that he had to hide his hands in his pocket. And every time he picked up his weapon he could see it physically shaking in his hand. He was a sniper so how was he meant to be able to hit a target miles away from him with a rifle if he couldn't even hold it still? The answer, he couldn't. If he wasn't a sniper, then what use was he to his team? None.

"I thought you were acing your training?" Chester asked. Marius had filled him in on the fact that Clay was already training hard on getting back to the action. If his training was going well then why was he so worried? Coming back after an injury was always hard. He had seen it time and time again with people he treated. The things that Clay was describing sounded a lot like Clay wasn't emotionally ready to go back to full active status. And he didn't really blame him. Not after everything that had happened to him. Any normal person would have called it quits and retired. But he knew that that wasn't his little brother.

"Training isn't operating." Clay said shaking his head. And he was right. Training in a simulation was completely different from operating for real. In a simulation, everything was carefully planned and there were rules that lowered the risk of getting hurt. In the field, there were no rules. Things just fell apart and he was left alone. He couldn't deal with that again. Being alone, getting hurt and having to deal with everything by himself. Again.

"So what? You want out? Is that why you came home?" Johan asked, voicing something that they had all thought at one time or another.

"Maybe." Clay finally admitted. He had thought for a long time, was it time to leave? He just hated to think that he was running away from his problems, just like his father did with him. His father had abandoned him when his mother had died and had sent him off to another country so he didn't have to deal with him. He sighed again and looked back at the view of Cape Town from the point. "Here everything was so simple and clear," and he was right. Everything here was so simple and peaceful here. His problems felt so much lighter when he was here than when he was in the States.

"You know you will always have a family here right," Chester said as he gripped hold of Clay's wrist. He was a little worried that Clay was working himself up and that wasn't good for him.

"I know Chester," Clay said quietly, as he wiped the tear that had fallen from his eye. He hated showing weakness but here with his brothers, he didn't really care. They had seen him worse than this.

They fell into silence for a few moments, and Clay was thankful for it. It allowed him the time to get himself together again and stop the tears from falling. These guys had been there for him during some of the darkest moments of his life. They had been there for the good times and the bad and never once did they complain about him. Tell him that he was being stupid and needy. They were his family. And he loved them for it.

"Ever thought about coming back permanently?" Johan asked breaking the silence. But his question didn't shock Clay at all coz he had thought of it already. Coming home felt right, but at the same time was he ready to leave Bravo?

"Johan!" Marius snapped hitting Johan's arm again with some force this time. Sometimes he wished Johan would just keep his mouth shut.

"Hey, it's a fair question." Johan snapped back. He then turned to look at Clay as he spoke again, "Maybe he needs to walk away before it completely destroys him. Remember the deal we made up here when we were kids? If we felt the walls coming in like it was going to suffocate you then we had to call, meet up and talk over our problems together."

They all remembered that day very clearly, it had been after one of Clay's breakdowns. Clay had been dealing with a lot and had finally reached his breaking point and had broken down at school. They had watched Clay's breakdown build and build until he finally snapped. Afterwards, they had promised each other that if something like that ever happened again, they would stop whatever they were doing and help each other.

Johan wasn't done through. He had a lot on his mind and he wasn't about to let his little brother suffer when he might have some answers for him. "Look..." He said drawing their attention again. "My old flight instructor had the same problem after he was shot down over enemy lines. Thankfully he was able to escape with his co-pilot but after that, he couldn't step foot into another aircraft. He said that every time he tried to get in one, he felt the fear. And in the end, he couldn't do it. Nothing helped his fear and so he stopped flying altogether. He doesn't even like getting into an aircraft." Johan explained. That instructor had been one of his better ones. And the stories that he had heard about the guy told him that he was one of their best pilots the Air Force had. It was a shame that he couldn't learn from the guy hands-on but that didn't mean he didn't learn anything.

"Maybe it wouldn't be like that for you Clay but maybe you should think about stepping back for a while. Doesn't the Navy allow personal time off?" Johan asked now turning his attention directly on to Clay.

Clay thought over what Johan had told him, maybe Johan was right. Maybe he needed to walk away for a bit to find himself again. "Yer. Think I have a good few months that I could take."

"Then I say do it. Take some time to do whatever you want and if you find that when the time comes to go back and you still have the fear then retire," Johan explained shrugging his shoulders.

"For once I'm agreeing with Johan," Chester said shaking his head at the thought that he was agreeing with his crazy brother.

"What?" Marius said shocked at the comment, not in a thousand years did he think Chester would openly agree with Johan.

"I know," Chester said with a smile as he shook his head before turning his attention back to Clay. "But listen Clay you can walk away. Yes, you're going to miss the guys you work with but your own mental health is more important." As a doctor, he needed Clay to listen to him. Clay's mental health was more important than him going on missions. He had seen it time and time again with other soldiers, the would burn out and then turn to either drugs or drink. Or worse, kill themselves. He was not about to let his little brother fall to the same fate. Not when he was still breathing.

"You don't have to decide now, just think about." He added when he saw the scared look that appeared on Clay's face.

"Pass the Koeksisters," Clay muttered, pointing at them. He was done talking about that.

"This conversation isn't over mate," Chester pointed out as he passed the container over.

Clay nodded at the comment and knew that his brothers weren't going to let him drop the subject completely. "So what are planning to do the next few days?" He asked as he took a bite of the koeksisters.

"We've got plans," Johan said with a grin that scared them all.

"Don't you both have work?" Clay asked. He had expected Chester and Johan to book a day off work to see him but nothing more than that.

"I've put some holidays in at the hospital and I've just got back soon deployment," Chester explained.

"I called in sick," Johan said with a grin. He hadn't but it was fun to say it.

Chester just shook his head and hit Johan's arm before turning to Clay. "He's joking, he had some time off and put it in," He explained.

"Hey, I am sick. Sick of listening to my new commander who is a pain in the..." Johan said hitting Chester's arm as payback but before he could finish his sentence Marius jumped in.

"Anyway, my dad has invited us all on a little fishing trip tomorrow," Marius announced.

Clay smiled at Johan's comment and even found himself laughing a little. He missed Johan's sense of humour, even if not everyone thought it was funny. But the second Marius mentioned a boat trip he could himself freeze in his seat. The thought of him being on a boat turned his blood ice cold. He could feel himself start to panic.

"Clay? You ok?" A voice said from next to him, breaking him out of his panic. He looked up to see them looking at him again with worry.

"Yer I'm ok," Clay said nodding his head but he could feel his whole body shake so he quickly wrapped his arms around himself. Like he was trying to protect himself.

"We don't have to go out on the boat, we could always try the pier or from the clift?" Marius asked, he knew very well what had just happened and he knew that Chester did as well. They both had seen the signs. Clay had just nearly suffered a panic attack. They had a history of dealing with them but seeing him nearly have one still scared them. He was their little brother after all.

"No, I will be fine. I need to face this. And I love to fish so I need to get use to been back on a boat," Clay explained. He had told Marius that he had nearly drowned so he didn't need to explain everything to them just the little details. Boats still scared him and he hadn't been back on one since that day. However, as he was Navy, he needed to get used to stepping foot back onto a boat. He knew that Frank loved his boat, the man would clean it daily if allowed.

"Only if you're sure..." Marius said uncertain if they were helping Clay or making things worse.

"I am," Clay nodded, forcing himself to smile a little as well. He knew that his brothers could see straight through it but that didn't stop him from trying to hide the fact that he was suffering.

"Whatever all I know is that I'm gonna catch the biggest fish out of all of you," Johan said rubbing his hands together, he loved their family fishing trips. He could see that Clay was suffering but there was no way of getting Clay to open up anymore. Their brother had shut down completely now and there was no way of getting him to start talking again.

"Whatever you say, man. Whatever you say." Marius said shaking his head with disbelief, sometimes he thought his brother was on a different planet.


End file.
